Do the Birds in the Wilderness, Not Heard, Stop Singing Their Songs?

                                         *                  

    Rebekkah can't handle it …she desperately recalls how she'd been unable and unavailable to be a part of her daughter's life, unable to guide or protect her. And her daughter had died. That was not her fault! 

     But with her son, it was different. She could have done more to protect her son. And it is that failure that now drives her. 

     Rebekkah is very much aware of her present transference of emotions. After all, Ruth's life is similar in many ways, facing a dilemma …a dilemma much beyond her control. With help, Ruth will not have to face a similar outcome, though to what present benefit is it to have an extremely powerful friend if that awareness remains hidden? Ruth's reality is that she's reached a perceived point of no return. And worse yet, is the feeling that your own child is destined to inherit this same hopeless and inescapable torment. After all, it makes no difference whether that which is perceived is chosen, or if it is merely surrendered to …the result is often the same, serving as the path which is eventually followed …and lived out. Oh, Ruth …poor Ruth! Poor Aleah! 

                                                                                     1                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                                                                                          *   *                                       

   Ruth stares at the concrete wall and steel bars. 

She thinks of the other prisoners …and prays for them. Many of them, like her, are so young. She wonders how each individual life had taken a wrong turn ...each of them having been born into this world as a precious bundle of joy, whether recognized as such or not. 

Maybe that is precisely it …as a child, they are considered a victim of society's inability to protect each one of them, but as that same child reaches a certain age, the victim is no longer viewed as a victim. Perhaps that child becomes the very summation of what they've been taught, but that also includes victimizing others. Instead of understanding this and investing more energy into intervention, suddenly no one seems to care. Or an institution is created to cater to the continuance of intimidation …almost taking on a gang mentality in itself. 

All is well, as long as the wayward activity is locked away where most of society can ignore it. That seems to be the prevalent view. 

Too bad, so sad …that was also Ruth's childhood experience. 

Now Ruth is back in jail, without bond, having been re-arraigned on an added murder charge. That was not the surprising part. What still seems unbelievable is that Mom was there …holding hands with Dad! She fully expected Mom to be there at the re-arraignment, but not with Dad …and no way would she be holding his hand! 

                 

                                                                                      2                                                                                                                                                        

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         *   *   *
   On an opposite shore, Maggie is trying to shore up her emotions. She feels this internal struggle going on …as she witnesses Nitro Nurse. Maggie feels sorry for her, yet she also feels sorry for anyone who has to face the meltdown of the very core nature of Nitro Nurse. 

Nitro Nurse, having shed her exoskeleton, lifts the body over her head, her muscles rippling throughout her spectacular spandex-adorned physique. 

Major's insides silently scream out, "Please don't drop him! Please don't hurt him! Please don't slam him! Where are you Larry! Oh, Larry, where are you!" 

Major is freaking out! Has she gone insane? Is this real? It can't be!! 

Major must have finally accomplished what she was somewhat denying …but now she'd have to admit it. After all she'd been through, she was now crazy too …crazy Larry, and crazy Maggie!! 

Real or not, the emotions are still there. And the pain is real …whether it is real to anyone else or not, is irrelevant. The pain is real! And whether it is in our dreams or nightmares, or whether it is real, we still have to overcome the struggle. We have to overcome our pain. And our screams, whether silent or aloud, must somehow penetrate that realm of hopelessness. 

Major continues her silent plea, "Please don't slam him!"

                                                                                   3   






Suddenly, a loud sneeze echoes down the hallway. 

Nitro Nurse gently places the man back on the gurney. 

Major sighs a breath of relief. 

Nitro Nurse quickly turns off the light, then freezes for a moment while she listens. Nitro Nurse hears the familiar whistling. The Good Doctor is always whistling, and usually it is the theme song of some television show. The Good Doctor, as Nitro Nurse refers to him, gives nicknames to each of the corpses. He is very personal with his work. He names them after television characters. And you can tell which one he will be visiting next by the song he is whistling. Earlier in the evening, the Good Doctor had asked her to prepare Uncle Fester, so he'd be ready to work on him tomorrow evening. But obviously he had changed his mind. He is presently whistling the Adam's Family song. You can clearly hear the snapping of the fingers too. Uncle Fester is in the room across the hall from her. She must get out of there quickly! She would most likely be seen from across the hall through the big hallway windows. The Good Doctor would not have a problem meeting up with Nitro Nurse, but he had never met the real her. 

She quickly grabs her exoskeleton, and slips into the adjacent room by a door at the back of the room. Each room can be accessed three ways: by the door entering from the hallway or by either door at the back of the room accessing each adjacent room. 

                                                                            4 






     The lights remain out, but Major's eyes have adjusted to the dark, and she can still see much. She is so relieved that Nitro Nurse exits into the other adjacent room, instead of passing into the room where she is. She is also relieved because though the whistling initially startled her, it was the sneeze that rang familiar. And Major now has the confidence to do what she feels she must do. 

Crazy Larry hopes the sneeze hasn't blown his cover. He feels bad that he'd cut out on Major. He hopes she isn't angry with him. He will have to check with her first, and then together they can somehow try to get the young man out of here. 

Suddenly an ambulance siren penetrates the night. The siren's warning blast fills the room for a brief few moments, then quickly fades away. 

Nitro Nurse listens, as the siren fades. She also listens for the whistling. Once again the fourth floor has become silent. 

Major hears a whisper from behind her. It startles her, but then she realizes it is Larry …in a doctor's robe. 

Larry tries to quickly apologize, "I'm sorry I left you alone like that, but we have to act quick now! We have to get that young man out of here!" 

Major fully understands the gravity of the situation. She pulls on Larry's arm, "I already have him. When you startled Nitro, I slipped through the door at the back of the room and switched the bodies." 


 5 






    Larry and Major both look up at the same time. Nitro Nurse is returning back into the adjacent room. They duck down, but wonder if she had already seen them. She must not have though, as she walks through the room, returning to where she had left off. 

Nitro had left her exoskeleton in the other adjacent room. She keeps the light out and approaches the gurney. Larry and Major quickly wheel their gurney through the doorway to the hallway as Nitro quickly lifts the body over her head. 

Major looks back as she hears the bloodcurdling scream … an organ with its entrails dangling down across Nitro's face. 

The screams continue to echo down the hallway as they reach the stairwell with their gurney. Major feels she has made matters worse. She shouldn't have wheeled another body in the young man's place. Now Nitro Nurse will be really furious. What has she done? 

Easing the gurney down the stairwell is not easy, both of them lifting the lower end and letting it drop down one step at a time. Some things are productive by doing them one step at a time, but they have only managed a floor and a half when Larry comes up with his suggestion, "Let's take the mattress off and slide him down on the mattress." 

Quickly sliding the mattress off the gurney, a door is heard opening at the top of the stairwell. 

Nitro Nurse hesitates for only a moment. She listens. She hears movement below. She hurriedly begins striding down the stairs, hypodermic needle in her hand. 

 6 






     Larry's eyes meet Major's. With thankful and appreciative eyes, Larry speaks as if these will be his last words, "You'll have to make it the rest of the way by yourself. I don't know how to thank you!" 

Larry quickly kisses Major on the cheek before his quick departure back up the stairwell. 

He strides around the corner and meets Nitro Nurse at the gurney on the landing between the second and third floors. Larry uses the gurney between them to keep his distance from Nitro Nurse. He sees the hypodermic needle in her hand. 

Major hears the commotion. She hears Larry speak first, "I can't sleep! I need something to help me sleep!" 

Nitro is seething in anger. Larry's smile just adds fuel to the fire in her eyes. "Where is he?!?" 

"I tried. I just can't sleep!" 

"I don't know how you got up here, but you'll be sorry you did!" 

"You forgot to lock the doors." Larry's little game makes her even more angry, if that is at all possible. 

The fury in her voice echoes down the stairwell, "Where is he?!?" 

Major continues to make her way down the stairwell with the young man. Though it is easier sliding the mattress than it was easing the gurney down one step at a time, it is still difficult. Progress is slow, especially now that she is by herself. She can't risk letting the mattress slide too fast, and it is difficult keeping him on the mattress as she slides it. It seems to be taking forever, especially considering the urgency, increasingly evident from the angry echoes above. 

 7






     Major has to hurry! But she can't let the young man slide off the mattress. Major reaches the next landing with a plan. She straddles the mattress while grabbing the end and pulling up on it slightly. With all her strength, she inches forward, walking the mattress towards the end of the landing to the next step. As she moves the mattress out over the step, the mattress begins to slide.  
This was her plan, but it begins to slide too quickly ...and she trips and falls. They are about to have a very quick ride! 

Nitro Nurse is very quick! With lightning fast reflexes, she reaches across the gurney and grabs Larry by the front of his shirt with one hand. She holds the hypodermic needle in the air with the other hand as she pulls him across the gurney with her vise grip. 

Larry offers one last plea, "I want to help you! Your anger is out-of-control …and it hurts people! I'm sorry for what you've been through, but you're hurting yourself …and you're hurting others! I don't know what you're trying to do to that poor young man, but the madness has to end!" 

Nitro pulls him towards her. She stares him right in the face, "Tonight it will end!" 

Larry manages to hook his one leg between the railing and the wall. He'll probably end up with a broken leg, but it's his only chance! 

Major manages to get to the first floor exit. She hears the crashing of metal down the stairwell as she exits the building.

                                                          8                      

                                                    IV. 

   Rebekkah feels like everything is crashing in on her. 

   She decides not to go to church on Sunday. The people at church are good people, but they have one slight tendency …the inclination to spread news. And it is not just the Good News, the precise Word of God, they tend to share with one another. Many seem to feel the propensity to share any news at all. And they would particularly want to question her, since she is the one who had aired the story. That particular segment had been slated for national attention, and that made it even more intriguing. But most of the attention would eventually focus around Aleah. Someone would be certain to ask how Aleah is doing. And Rebekkah has no idea what has happened to Aleah. 

    At this moment, all of Rebekkah's energies must focus on taking care of Ruth. Everything will turn out the way it is supposed to. The guilty will be found …and the innocent will not suffer. 

   Rebekkah only hopes that Ruth can endure what she is going through …being in that cell with not a thing to think about, except the horrible past. The abuse, the mental institution, her parents' divorce, the tragedy just before her own marriage, then the most vile of creatures invading her life …having to relive all those terrifying moments that will perhaps scar her for life. And to think the creatures still roam freely, while she remains imprisoned with fear and torment. 

 9 






     No mind can conceive the terror. Only by experiencing it can one know what terror lives. And through experiencing it, one almost dies. 

    Rebekkah begins to gasp and gag. She almost vomits. She is fighting a losing battle against a drug addiction. She is addicted to the drugs her doctor had prescribed to her during her long strenuous battle to regain her health. She is not supposed to be taking the drugs anymore, but she has been so depressed lately. And her health had been failing, and she failed to realize why. 

    Her emotional torment had been draining her of her physical energy, and she initially mistook it for a relapse of her illness. She switched doctors when she found a doctor who would give her the extra medication. 

    She knew the drugs wouldn't help. She knew it was a mistake, but what else was new …seems like most everything she's done lately has been a mistake. 

    The drug problem is not the biggest mistake she's made. It's likely the other mistakes had helped contribute to the drug problem. Until now, Rebekkah had not faced how she was dealing with this anger of hers. She has been smoldering inside. She had attempted to use her controlling influence to achieve her ends and that seemed to quench the fiery anger for a time, but in reality …it continued to smolder deep inside. 

 10






     Rebekkah fought to deny the many truths that surrounded her. She was really no better than the others. But she didn't want to admit how similar she was to those she considered her enemies. After all, she was right and they were wrong. 

    Or was she merely rationalizing to justify her means? 

    She cannot afford to rationalize. She has to rise above the superficial explanations and excuses so often used in defending wrong behavior. She is clearly aware of her motivations. It no longer seems true that if you follow the proper procedures, that justice will eventually prevail. She is dealing with an unjust world, and she has to do something to offset that. 

    Perhaps that was her initial motivation, to assist in balancing the scales of justice. But it seemed to get out-of-control after that. She wasn't satisfied. She wanted more than justice. She burned inside. She wanted revenge. 

    She tries to convince herself that it's merely survival and she has to fight back …but it had gone beyond that. The first thing she would think about in the morning would be revenge. And revenge would be on her mind when she fell asleep at night. She slept revenge. She breathed revenge. And when she achieved some of it, she felt a sense of satisfaction.

    Well, maybe it was not purely satisfaction that she felt. She felt good about not feeling like she was helpless anymore. 

    No, it was more than that! She enjoyed it …and she thirsted for more. She had begun to believe she was better than them. 

 11 






     This is scary! What is making her like this? 

     Is it the drugs? Maybe the doctor isn't even giving her the drugs she'd asked for. She'd been through that before. The fact that the doctor was even giving her any drugs is proof enough that he can't be trusted. They seemed to help …but help her what? Help her seek revenge? 

    She doesn't want to be this way. Sure she is angry because she is not in control of her life …but things will change. She will gain control of her life …without the drugs. 

     Rebekkah ponders the hopeless perspective that Shakespeare had expressed in one of his works: 

                              …to suffer the slings and arrows 
                              of outrageous fortune, or to face 
                              a sea of troubles … 

     The definition of that tiny word, 'or', brings on new hope. 'Or', means there is a choice. She will face her sea of troubles …without the drugs. It is better than to suffer the slings and arrows. Often fortunes bring about outrageous fortune. Rebekkah has an outrageously large fortune, but often misfortune is much associated with it. 

    Rebekkah is fully aware that she can afford things that other people can't even dream about. But what about the nightmares? Money can't buy everything. It can't buy peace. 

    Rebekkah begins to gasp for air, her whole body ready to go into convulsions. She is choking on this unbelievable reality. 

    Panic sets in. Anger has secured a foothold. The rage within fights to gain control and prove its strength.

 12      







     How many times had she repeated the lie? How many more lies would have to emerge to cover the previous ones? 

    A defense is built to guard against questions. One lie leads to another. Will it ever end? 

    The drugs fight to control her, but she will not taste defeat this time. It is an outright war waged within herself. By whatever name or cause, war is war! 

    She has to think clearly. She has to get the revenge out of her mind. She has to get the drugs out of her system …and endure whatever she has to endure. The drugs are confusing an already impossible situation. 

    Rebekkah had allowed herself to fall prey to one of the tools of deceit. The drugs deceive you into thinking you haven't changed …a change that is much more obvious to others. 

    Rebekkah's fury melts into a flood of tears, crying to herself, "Oh God, what am I to do?" 

    She has to give up the drugs …if she wants things right again. But, oh God, she had tried. Honestly, had things ever been right? 

    She can't give up the drugs. 

    Yes, she can! 

    Oh God, she has to! It's way out-of-control. 

    She's obsessed with this idea of control. And the more she is losing control, the more she is driven to control every other aspect of her life. Will she ever be able to live peaceably again? 

    The thing she wants the most is for God to understand. Just because people get involved with drugs, doesn't mean that they are really bad people. It's just that sometimes pressures are too much.  

 13 




     She realizes that she's doing it again. These are not the type of thoughts that help. They are excuses. Sure, she has had an overwhelming amount of pressure from tragedies that had befallen her, but that's no excuse. It's not God who needs to understand us, He already does, …it's us that need to understand God. 

    Rebekkah already knew that in the back of her mind, but she needed to be upfront about it. She needed to wholly grasp that truth for the holy truth that it is. 

   She feels so weak and helpless. 

   Yes, if she can only allow God to enter her thoughts ...it's moments like these that she feels no anger. She feels no need for vengeance. She feels like giving up …not on life, but the drugs. 

    At that moment, Rebekkah knows she has finally found the strength to overcome the drugs. A tear gathers in the corner of her eye. It is met by another. She prays that things will eventually get better. She prays that when they do, that they'll stay better. 

 14
                      V.

     Rebekkah takes George with her. The neighborhood appears peaceful, in a way, but it's a false peace. It's too quiet. 

     George is a good friend. He had been the one responsible for saving her life. He had brought her to a place on the coastline, north of Seattle, where she could have the peace and quiet she needed during her long period of recuperation.

    She had also befriended a sailor, Mac, who had taught her how to spot wildlife. And she had actually gotten rather good at it. Rebekkah looks about. She can see beyond the peaceful facades. There is wildlife in the shadows, behind every corner. One of them is carrying a video-camera. 

    Maybe she will be better received if she returns tomorrow …alone. 

 15                 



                                                                      VI.

    His breathing appears normal. His forehead is not hot. He appears to be okay …though there's no sign of responsiveness. His eyes remain open for long periods of time, but they don't move …and he doesn't even blink. 

    On occasion his eyes will shut, and he appears to sleep. So much for her medical evaluation …professionally, she's just a custodian. 

    Maggie reacts each time she hears a siren. She goes to a window and pulls back the curtain a bit, trying not to be too paranoid as she looks about. The police are probably looking for the young man who is now resting in Len's bed, but why would they suspect her? And they wouldn't just be touring around in this neighborhood …she lives over an hour away from the mental hospital. 

    Maggie doesn't know quite what to do. She is worried about Larry. She had heard part of the conversation in the stairwell. But she had to get the young man out of there. It hadn't been easy. It would have been hard enough if he'd been just dead weight, but he'd begun to struggle. After managing to get him outdoors, she'd left him behind a bush while she got her car. She'd left her headlights off, and drove right up to the building. The fresh air had appeared to relax the young man somewhat, and it was a little easier getting him into the car. 

 16



     Now that she is safe within her home, she worries about Larry. She wants to go back and see how he is, but that would only make things worse for Larry. 

     How could things be possibly worse? She feared Larry would not survive the last time. Nitro had certainly been pushed past her limit this time. It's Maggie's fault. She should have just wheeled the young man out of there. She shouldn't have switched him with that dissected corpse. 

    Maggie paces nervously, half expecting a knock at the door …fearing they'll come for her. But at least if they charged her with kidnapping the young man, she'd be able to get a little information on what happened to her accomplice, Larry …and he'd perhaps be in less trouble if she'd confess. 

    With the police involved, perhaps everyone would be safer. Or would that just make Larry mad at her for all his hard work getting the young man out of there? 

     Maggie can't handle not knowing anything. She feels so helpless. She has to get in her car and drive back there. She can leave the young man alone …he's not going anywhere. 

     Maggie takes the less traveled and less lit back streets once she enters Newcastle. The building appears quiet, a maddening quiet. But what did she expect. Nearly four hours have passed since then. It would probably not be wise to just stroll into the place. 

     But maybe she could say she lost her house keys, and thought perhaps they were at work. No, that might be too obvious and draw attention to herself. She has another idea. She has to do something! 

 17



     Maggie drives to a payphone. She can call the police. She doesn't have to tell them who she is. Yes, that may work. 

    She dials the number. She waits for them to answer, twice almost changing her mind and hanging up the phone. Then they answer. Maggie doesn't know quite what to say, "Uh, I'd like to report a …something. I mean, I don't know quite what I'm reporting …I was hoping you could look into it." 

    Over the phone: "Look into what?" 

   "Well, there was a lot of screaming at the mental hospital." 

     Over the phone: "Patients at a mental hospital often scream at night. Their severe disorders are often worse at night when compounded with nightmares. Did you see or hear anything out-of-the-ordinary?" 

     The officer's sarcasm just fuels Maggie's frustration. She tries to find the words, "Yes, there was something. A young man escaped from the hospital. He appeared to be injured." 

     Maggie is relieved to have found the words to say. She didn't say he was assisted with escaping ,and they would probably not suspect it. But by calling the police, perhaps Nitro wouldn't do as much to Larry if the police were involved and there was an investigation going on. That was rather clever of Maggie. 

     Or was it? She wasn't really saying much …but perhaps at the same time, revealing too much. Was she drawing suspicion to herself? These officers are real professionals with dealing with crime, and she is just a bungling custodian. 

 18



 Over the phone: "It is not uncommon for mental patients to escape from the hospital. But they can't cope with living in the world that you and I daily live in … and they often get scared and return on their own. I assure you that the staff there are very capable, and they will call us if they are in need of our assistance. And the injury that you imagined was probably just a physical handicap. Many of the patients there are both physically and mentally handicapped." 

    Maggie thanks the officer and hangs up the phone. 

    She presses her back against the back of the phone booth and slides down, haunches on heels. She holds her head in her hands and cries. She'd have to wait until work tomorrow to see if Larry is okay. 

    She has seen her share of hopeless situations. She's had a lifetime of being caught up in them, unable to help those she loves. She'd been too late in helping Darin, too late in helping Len, and too helpless in hoping for Larry. 

    How about herself? No, she can't think about herself. She hurries back home to see if the young man is okay. 

    As she rushes into Len's room, she finds the cat sitting at the foot of the bed at the young man's feet. 

    Major sits on the bed beside the young man. She rests her hand against his forehead. He feels a little warm, but not much. She hopes her silly cat hadn't been sitting on his face. The cat had tried to do that to her a time or two. She lets her hand slide down the side of his face. She pleads softly, "Please don't die!" 

    Maggie rests her head against his chest, listening to his even heartbeat …drenching him in her tears. 

 19

         VII.

   Rebekkah drenches her pillow in tears …tears of all her past failures, and present ones. 

   She gets out of bed. She can't wait! 

   She goes to the medicine cabinet. Her hand is shaking. She drops the plastic bottle. She picks it back up. She is shaking even more now. But somehow she manages to twist off the childproof cap. 

    She holds a half dozen pills in the palm of her hand. She stares in the mirror, "What has become of me?" 

    She had felt victory over the drugs the other evening, but had she really? Why had she not gotten rid of the drugs? 

    Rebekkah has never felt so powerless. With unbelievable wealth at her disposal she could be the most powerful person in the world …but she can't even dispose of these drugs. 

    There are certain things that money can't buy. And one of them is your dignity. Rebekkah sits down on the toilet and cries. Her whole life has gone to pot. 

    She can't fool herself and just up and decide one day that she is cured and fully recovered from the addiction. She has to tell herself that she is an addict that no longer wants to be an addict …and she has to face that truth every day for the rest of her life, and let God give her the strength each day. 

    She rises off the toilet, and drops the pills into their final resting place. She repeats this until all the plastic bottles are lined up …empty. 

 20



    It seems crazy, but she decides to go back there tonight. 

    She doesn't hesitate. Hesitation has not served her well. Except she should have hesitated before letting herself get hooked on all that pain medication. 

    Rebekkah is driven to do what she feels she must do, and she doesn't want to delay it. 

    It is an hour past midnight when she arrives. Seems like they can't sleep either.

    She sees shadows emerge from behind every building. Then she sees what she wants to see, what she had suspected she'd see …the video-camera. 

    Rebekkah stops her car and opens her trunk to retrieve what she'd purchased late afternoon the day before. She begins to walk towards where she'd seen the video-camera. 

    The boy steps out in the open, "Hey, pretty lady!" 

    Rebekkah smiles, "Hey, that's a nice camera you have there!" 

   "That's a nice camera you got too pretty lady." 

    Rebekkah hands it to him, "Here, check it out." 

    More African-American boys step out of the shadows, "Check it out! Check it out, pretty lady!"  
    Rebekkah remains focused on the one boy, obviously their leader, "It's a new model with a much greater zoom." 

    He operates Rebekkah's camera with one hand, not putting down his own camera. He also lets the others see the great zoom potential. And their eyes zoom big, in awe of the new camera's great features. 

 21



    Maybe this will be easier than she thinks. 

    She addresses the highly impressionable group, "What do you say, guys …you like the camera?" 

    They respond in unison, "Yeah! …Yeah!" 

    Rebekkah presents her offer to the leader, "I'll trade you. I'll give you my camera for yours." 

    The leader hands Rebekkah back her camera, "Sorry, no can do, pretty lady."

    Rebekkah's mind is scrambling, not willing to admit defeat. She looks around, then back to the leader, "Seems like everything around here goes through you, so I want to ask your permission on something. I was wondering if I could donate some things to the orphanage over there?" 

    The leader motions to one of the other boys. Rebekkah pretends not to notice when the boy leaves, but she notices. She also notices the large building across from the orphanage, and the boy going in the front door. 

     It doesn't take long, only about fifteen minutes, and the boy returns, whispering something to the leader. 

     They both laugh. 

     Rebekkah smiles, "I like to laugh too. Can you tell me what's so funny about wanting to donate things to an orphanage?" 

     The leader laughs again, "Pretty lady is crazy lady, coming out here by herself in the deep of the night. But maybe even an insomniac can get some sleep after doing a bit of charity. Sure, we'll accept your generous offer, pretty lady." 

     Rebekkah laughs, "You know, young man, you have lots of potential. And I can't figure out how someone who seems never to get any sleep, can be so sharp and alert. I'll have to sleep on that one." 

     The leader smiles, "Pretty lady got jokes."

 22
                                                                             VIII.





    There is an unusual amount of laughter at the mental institution. Maggie can't tell if it is nervous laughter, or whether they are just feeding on each other's emotions. But Maggie doesn't really care. She cares more about what is going on with all the secrecy. And most importantly, she has no clue to where Larry is …and no one is telling. 

    There is no sign of Larry or of Nitro Nurse. It is Nitro's day to work …and she has never missed a day on her schedule. 

    Maggie had waited all day for her shift to start so she could find out about Larry, but now this is even more maddening. What has happened to Larry? 

    Maggie goes to get her mop. She heads to Larry's room. She doesn't know why …she's not going to find a clue there. 

    Maybe she just wants to sit in his room, feel his presence, and …cry. 

    Maggie finds a book in Larry's room. She will take it home and read it, if her tears ever dry. She will return the book afterwards.

 23

                                    IX.

    Rebekkah returns to the neighborhood with a semi-truck. 

    She had called the orphanage to ask what they were most in need of. The woman on the phone had said, "Understanding …we are most in need of understanding. These young girls often become desperate and think they want to give up their child. Often they change their minds and want the child back. We never insist upon knowing the details. We know the pain involved with these young girls. Most people don't understand what they are going through. We are just here to help. And we are all safe here. The neighborhood helps protect us. Everyone here seems to understand. The legal system is unfair. Laws work against giving an unwanted or abandoned child a home. And adoption agencies can take too long. If you can understand that …then you are a friend and we will accept your help. We heard you were interested in donating, but you must understand our hesitation. We don't know you, and we must be certain you are in agreement with the way we do business." 

    Rebekkah is eager to put a face to that voice. 

    As the semi-truck driver enters the neighborhood, children run out to block the street. She steps out of the truck to locate their leader. The polite young man from the evening before greets her, then directs the truck driver to the back of the orphanage. 

 24



     The children all help unload the truck, except their leader who stands back and video-tapes the event. 

     Rebekkah picks up a box, and begins to carry it in. 

    "Hey, pretty lady, you're not supposed to work. You just stand there and act pretty." 

     Rebekkah sees that the children are inspecting the boxes before they carry them in. "With due respect, this box has personal items that are not proper for young men to be inspecting." 

     Showing the box to one of the women who works at the orphanage, she adds, "And I am embarrassed to say I'm in need of one of these products if I could be so kindly shown where the bathroom is." 

     Rebekkah carries the box as the woman escorts her to the bathroom. The woman opens the bathroom closet for her, and she puts the box down as the woman departs, giving her bathroom privacy. 

     Rebekkah reaches to the bottom of the box, and retrieves her video-camera. She glances into the hallway to see if the coast is clear, then slips down the hall to a stairwell she had seen on the way to the bathroom. 

     Rebekkah is nervous and excited at the same time. The winding stairs has an arrow and is labeled 'bell tower'. Rebekkah hurries up the stairs to see what she can see. 

    She had used her news connections. She suspects the building across the street is that of 'The Wizard'. And she is very anxious to see if she can see anything from this unique vantage point. 

 25



     Rebekkah can't believe her eyes! Everything had been going so wrong …how could it all turn around so quickly? 

    She still can't believe it. Not only does she have a clear view across the street, but a police car pulls up, and it's clearly Roy Razohn who steps out of the patrol car. 

    She laughs to herself, almost crying, "They should have taken me up on the offer to trade cameras." 

    The windows across the street are frosted, except at the very top. With her zoom lens, Rebekkah is able to relocate Roy within the building. Roy is met by another man who she is certain is 'The Wizard'. And she video-tapes the transaction involving a suitcase of money and what appears to be drugs. 

    There are no police ready to bust in to make an arrest, verifying the substance as drugs. It's clear the police are in on it. But Rebekkah is certain she has enough evidence here to add to what the federal authorities would be interested in. 

    She slips the tape out of the video-camera, and places it in an inside pocket. She has probably been gone too long. She has to get out of here. 

    Rebekkah hurries down the winding stairs. She checks the hallway. It is clear. 

    She sighs, catching her breath …then her next breath is taken away. The woman steps into the hallway with the leader. "What you up to, pretty lady?" 

    Rebekkah laughs, "I have the worst sense of direction. You wouldn't believe the places I get lost in!" 

 26



    They both just stand there …looking at her in apparent disbelief.

    Suddenly a baby cries. The cry comes from a room at the end of the hallway where Rebekkah is standing, "That's what really messed me up. I heard the crying, and that always affects me so." 

   "Pretty lady like children?" 

   "Well, yes, I love children! And I'd be proud to have a son like you." 

    The leader almost appears to blush, "Serious? You'd like to have a son like me?" 

    "Yes, I think you are a wonderful young man. But I suppose you have a good home here, so no sense in dreaming about what I could have." 

    "Yes, this is my home. Actually this is all of the children's home. The young boys stay at the orphanage until they get old enough to be under my care. You can see how they all follow me." 

    "Yes, you are a great brother to all of them. They must be happy to have a big brother like you." 

     This conversation really appears to touch his heart, "Do you want to see the young ones?" 

    Rebekkah smiles relief, "Yes, I'd like that." 

    Rebekkah is led into a large room. She has never seen anything quite like this before. The room is filled with infants, small children, and young girls. 

    She had thought it was strange …until now, not having seen even one girl in the neighborhood. But now it is clear what the function of each girl is. They are caretakers for all the babies and smaller children. 

 27



     The woman speaks up, "Some of the babies are their own. They stay here with their babies for as long as they feel they need to. Some of the girls were once babies who were dropped off here. Once they get older they grow to be very useful. We generate a feeling of love here. The girls are very loving." 

     A baby cries! 

    "That's Katura …she is the one who you probably heard. We just can't seem to make her happy here. We try to find a special home for babies like Katura. But of course, if any of the others find a special home, then they are free to go too." 

     The young man laughs, "I suppose you were wondering where all the girls in our neighborhood were. Now you know, pretty lady." 

     Rebekkah isn't really interested in any of this. She is only thinking of safely getting out of here with the tape. 

    The woman feels obliged to validate the decency of their operation, "The girls stay here because we feel it's best they not get caught up in boy activity." 

    The young man's darting eyes settle to a soft stare, looking right into Rebekkah's eyes. "Maybe you would be good with Katura. I bet you could give her a good home." 

    Rebekkah begins to panic, "Well, yes, I'd like to …but I travel a lot." 

    Ignoring what she says, he persists, "Here, see if she cries with you." 

    He hands the crying Katura to Rebekkah. And Katura immediately stops crying! 

 28



     Rebekkah has a migraine and can't handle all of this. She feels trapped. If she loves children, and said she'd be proud to have a son like him …why not a daughter? How is she now going to say she's not interested in providing a home for one of them? 

    Unbeknownst to them, Rebekkah pinches Katura on her bottom. And Katura immediately begins to wail. 

    Rebekkah hands Katura back to him. "Sorry, I honestly do love children, but I don't really do well with them. I don't think they like me."

    "Don't be so hard on yourself, pretty lady. Sometimes we just can't figure why they cry. Don't blame yourself …here, I'll get you Aleah. She never cries. You can hold her …she won't cry." 

     The woman adds, "Yes. Every so often we get a child like Aleah. She's not quite a year old. She just came to us this month. She never cries." 

     Rebekkah begins to shake as she is handed Aleah. She doesn't know what to say. 

    "Don't be so nervous, pretty lady. You will do good. Just relax a little …that's it, you're doing just fine, pretty lady." 

     Rebekkah begins to cry. She can't believe it! But it starts to all fall into place now. "I can't believe it! I think she likes me …I actually think she likes me! Can I have this one?" 

 29

     X.
     Ruth sits in her cell, contemplating what will soon happen to her. Soon it will be vacation time for her. She'd be taking a vacation from life for a while. She doesn't know how long yet, but it will be long enough. Long enough perhaps for life to get bored with her. Hopefully, years from now when she'd be getting out, trouble would forget her. Maybe life will be different then. 

     Life will be definitely different. Aleah will be all grown up, and will have no idea who her real mom is …and furthermore, will not find out. No way will Ruth put her child through the torture of knowing that her mom spent all those years in prison. 

     Ruth cries. It seems life will always be difficult for her. Maybe life will forget her, but she will never forget. She will never forget her sweet little Aleah. 

     But she is certain now that she had done what she had to do. She is thankful she had seen the orphanage that evening. In the African-American neighborhood, Aleah would blend real well. They would not be able to find her. They would not be able to come after her. 

     Ruth cries for her sweet Aleah …and prays for her, thanking God she was able to find a place where she would be safe. 

     Ruth tries to be hopeful, but she can't stop wondering what type of life Aleah will end up having. 


30                                                             

          XI.

                                                                                                                                              



    Where did Larry end up? What happened, and what did they do with him? 

    Poor Larry, what kind of life did he ever have? And what had it been like before he came to the mental institution? 

    Maggie looks at the book she had taken from Larry's room, entitled, Profiles in Courage, by one of our recent presidents, John F. Kennedy. She reads: 

                                                                               A man does what he must ---in spite 
                                                                               of personal consequences, in spite 
                                                                               of obstacles and dangers and pressures
                                                                               ---and that is the basis of all human morality. 

    This is what Larry had done for this young man who now rests safely on Len's bed …in spite of what personal consequences he had to face, in spite of obstacles and dangers. 

    And what dangers are still looming? How did this young man get to the fourth floor? What had this young man gone through before getting to the fourth floor? And what continues to happen? What is going on inside his mind …if anything?

 31                                                                                                                                           



     Time is the duration in which things are considered as happening …in the past, present, or future. But circumstances can affect one's perspective of time. Some things never seem to change, while other things seem to change too quickly. Some things never seem to move, but other things seem to be constantly in motion. There are times when one loses perspective and there is uncertainty as to whether things are changing, whether things are in motion. 

     And there may come a time when one loses any concept of time at all. There is a struggle for reality. There is no interpretation of past, present, or future. There is no knowledge of living or dying. And time is irrelevant. It's all the same.  The same thing over and over again. The same images. The same nightmares. Or the same nothing. 

     Was it merely a nightmare, or was it being relived? At times life tends to be confusing that way. But what is time? And is it life, or is it death? There is much pain …he must be somewhere in between. 

     Is he in the process of dying, or is he fighting his way back to life? And how long will it take? How many more times will the images be the same? How many more times will the horror return? Each time the pain seems to intensify! The images return. 

    The pain intensifies once again, but it should leave soon. He should pass into another realm. Soon there should be no pain. 

 32



     At least that is the understood way. There is eternal death, but not for him …for him the process of death has to be finite. There should be peace soon. 

    Suddenly the image changes. 

    Actually, there is no image. There is no feeling. There is simply nothing. 

    Is he dead? Had he slipped away into a state of unconsciousness? Or is this a new dimension of consciousness? Are these thoughts to be his last thoughts before drifting off into a timeless eternity? 

    He thinks of her. 

    He screams within …and the pain intensifies once again.

 33  






    
                                                                 XII.

                                                                                                                
    Rebekkah gets out of her car, and is greeted by the young man whom she has become so endeared by, "Hey, pretty mom, how's Aleah doing?" 

   "She's doing great! Two good friends of mine, Harold and Hannah, are going to adopt her." 

   "You no wanna be a mom?" 

   "I was thinking more like someone your age. To be honest with you …I came back for you." 

    Tears gather in his eyes …but he laughs, trying to hide the tears. "Pretty lady, you are perhaps the most wonderful person I have ever met, but not all of us have equal choices in life. Mine have already been made for me …but it's not so bad." 

    "It's not so good either. I want to talk with the Wizard." 

    "Sorry, pretty lady …no one sees anyone here who doesn't want to be seen." 

     Rebekkah hands him a video-tape. "Here, after you deliver this, he will agree to see me." 

     Rebekkah returns to her car and waits. It may take some time, but time she has. It's Ruth's time that she wants to eliminate …time in prison. 

     She can't believe how well everything is coming together. Well, not everything …far from that, but concerning Ruth it will be great news. 

    When everything seems to go wrong, it is at least encouraging when one small part of the wrong has a turn for the best …and goes right. Often so desperate are we for that right …that it becomes our whole life for that period of time. 

 34



     Rebekkah watches the eyes of the neighborhood as she waits. All those boys could have so much potential. They are so alert …probably eager to learn. But instead they are caught between that criminal element of both the Wizard and the police. 

     The young man returns, "You were right …he wants to see you." 

     Rebekkah is escorted to the large building. She is motioned to proceed on …alone, through the large steel doors. 

     The double steel doors slam shut behind her. 

     She is approached by two large menacing men. She doesn't have to be told to stop. 

     Rebekkah's heart feels like it stops for a second when she hears a loud, angry voice boom from behind a large curtain that extends across the vast area of the room she is facing. "Who told you that I was here? I want to know who told you!" 

     Rebekkah tries to gain her composure, and also speak with boldness, "Oh, let me see …who was it? It wasn't the police …they are working with you, so it wouldn't be them. They're at least wise enough not to get involved." 

     Loud laughter echoes throughout the room, from behind the curtain. "How come you're not wise enough?" 

    "I don't know! But I'm wise enough to know you video-tape everything. And I want the tape of the night Ruth Razohn was set up …the tape of the person who set up that building before Ruth arrived." 

35 



   "How much are you willing to pay? I don't think you have enough to even attempt to deal with me!" 

    "I can pay more than Roy, any day …but I'm not going to pay anything." 

    "You will pay, all right! What makes you think I will even let you go free?" 

    "I figure that the young man who always mans your camera is in big trouble with you because people like you always have to blame someone, and I'd gather to say, you don't tolerate mistakes. So I'd like him to go free too."

    "You are right …I don't tolerate mistakes. That includes my own. I don't make mistakes. It would be a big mistake to let you go free, wouldn't you agree?" 

    "I see it quite differently. I'd think you'd be begging me to let you go free. Can I call you, Oz? Your friends do call you Oz, don't they? I'm really trying to be your friend here, Oz. I'm going to give you a chance to start over fresh …I mean, without the criminal element. I would not suggest you start your same operation in another city. I'm talking about retirement. You have enough money. You don't have to continue to do this. I do know what it's like, Oz …I mean, being a control freak and all. I'm the same way. I try to control life by striving to stop everyone like you …and you try to control people to gain advantage for your own purposes. The difference is, I don't kill people."

     "I don't either …my people will take care of you for me." 

 36 






     Rebekkah laughs, "This is too funny. This is just like the movie. Do we need Toto to come here to pull back the curtain? You don't really get it, do you? I'm not asking for Kansas …I just want the tape that will free Ruth. And you will give it to me. Do you know why? Because I have several copies of the tape I gave you. I don't know if you recognize who I am or not. I'm the anchor lady on the evening news. I've sent several copies of the tape to people who watch my newscast every evening. I've written on the envelope for them to open it only if I don't appear on the evening news. The envelopes also contain other information I'm sure you would not want to be released, along with instructions to hand it all over to the federal authorities. I'm sure the federal authorities would have lots of fun with you. I'm quite certain you don't have them bought like you have the local authorities. So you see, that is why I'm so confident that you will not only let me go free, but it's also my guarantee of a safe escort out of here. I suggest you find a church somewhere, and learn how to pray, so you can pray that I never get sick and miss a broadcast. My absence would possibly mean that one of the people from my viewing audience would panic and open up the envelope. As a matter of fact, I think I want you out of the area by the end of the week, Oz. Get out by the end of the week and I won't send the feds." 

     An angry voice relents, "I'll get the tape you want." 

 37



 "And you'll let the young man come with me too. And since you will no longer need to keep the secrecy of his services, perhaps you could give me his name. I really do tire of referring to him as …the young man."

 "I will get you the tape you want and my men will escort you to your car. They will also order Angelo to go with you." 

           38                                                                                                                                                                                                              XIII.

    Ruth sits in her jail cell. There is a certain peace to the solitude here. She picks up her notebook and writes: 

        There are those who've inspired me throughout my life …whom I'd have liked to have shown my appreciation to. I would have liked to share with them my dreams, my aspirations, and what I've hoped for …what I've often hoped to become. Often we don't get a chance to either give or receive stated recognition. Whatever the reason may be, we often don't express that which is truly on our hearts. We pass on, or our loved ones pass on …and we regret not taking the opportunity to thank those who have so touched our lives. Each day we can touch someone's life, leaving them with the greatest of gifts …our sincerity of heart, encouragement, and a resounding truth which lays a foundation of hope. Each of us can leave a lasting impression upon those we meet. That lasting impression, if truly grounded in love, will last forever. And that is the gift and impression we should always leave. 

                                                                              39






     When our loved ones pass on, it is as if their cloak is left behind …as I recall a certain Elijah leaving his cloak behind for Elisha. But better yet, is the One whose cloak I could but touch a corner of. I often like to think of myself that way …so compelled to reach out to touch the hem of the garment of He who came to save us. And He did indeed achieve that …an impact that not only leaves an impression, but lasts for eternity. It may seem like an eternity, that which I may eventually be sentenced to; but my focus will be on the One who was falsely accused and accepted the cruel, agonizing punishment …even unto death. What should be considered of the inheritance that the world has to offer …usually considered financial? I do rather value the meaning of the inheritance of the Kingdom of God. Where our heart is, there will be our inheritance also. 

     Ruth stops writing. She has fears also. She does not want to confuse the inheritance by passing on fear instead of hope. That is why she had taken Aleah to the orphanage. And though it is the most difficult thing she had ever done, she believes she'd done the correct thing …for Aleah's sake.
                                                                              40  

                                                                 XIV.

    "No!! Don't let it happen!"  Maggie leaps out of bed, and rushes into the next room. 

    Got to get to him! He must be in danger …and he needs me!  

    Maggie had been dreaming, or rather it was a nightmare.  It was a horrific twist, somehow involving her brother, Len, and the young man she had just helped escape ...mostly to the credit of Crazy Larry.

    But, in truth, the young man in her brother's bed is having a difficult time. Flooding with tears, Maggie rests her head against him, gently hugging him.  Part of her mind was on Len too ...if only he could feel her hug, wishing she could have hugged her brother more.

    What was this young man feeling?

   Was he still fading towards death, or was this another time? If there were time gaps, he wouldn't be able to distinguish them. Time is not relevant in this dimension …it all seems to flow together. 

    Only pain is relevant. Another pain begins where the last one had left off. Moments of pain can seem like eternity. But it will soon end. Oh God, the pain …it has to end soon! 

    How soon will the peace come? Death is not eternal …not for me. 

    The pain intensifies. It flows throughout his entire body. Specks of light replace the darkness. 

    Then the pain lessens somewhat. The pain now becomes more distinct. Needle-like stings pierce the skin. The specks of light are still not well-defined. What is going on!

    Suddenly, noise …a rushing sound. An undistinguishable voice echoes through, layering itself. A heavy damp pressure creates an uncomfortable warmth. Every pore in his body revolts against it. 


                                                                                     41






     He struggles to no avail. The uncomfortable feeling gradually passes …only to return again. The same feelings, the same sounds. 

    Then the pattern changes. Rapid movement and a floating sensation, but clumsily. The warm dampness returns, but is different. Though in fear that it may be the same, he struggles against the unknown. 

     This time the unknown is Maggie. She had rested her head against his chest, pleading for him not to die, drenching him in her tears. 

     His struggle draws her away. Again she helplessly watches him. He can't possibly know where he is. Maybe he still thinks he's on that dreaded fourth floor. Worse yet, maybe he thinks I'm Nitro Nurse!

                                                                                   42     

                                                                                                                                  




                                                             XV.

    "What is it that you'd like to study, Angelo? Not that you have to tell me right away …it will be a few years before you'll be seriously considering college."

    "Well, Mom, I think I'd like to get into filmmaking."

    "What aspect of filmmaking? Do you think you'd like to act, produce, direct …or maybe the one behind the camera? Seems like you have a knack for that sort of thing." 

    "I don't know, Mom. I might like to try my hand in all of them before deciding what I'd like to do." 

     Rebekkah can't prevent herself from allowing the thought to further entertain itself, "Well, to begin with, I do need you to do a bit of acting for me."

 43 
                                                                                                                                                      XVI.
   Angelo did as he was instructed. He had gone to the local police with the video-tape. And the police act as quickly as Rebekkah anticipates. 

    There is no corruption in this department. They are swift to arrest the man who had set up Ruth. They gather evidence at the greenhouse and the man's personal residence. Rebekkah is not real familiar with the total legal proceedings, but she is confident that Ruth will be out by this afternoon. The police would introduce the tape, and whatever other evidence they had gathered …to the prosecutor, who would likely share the information with the defense attorney, and they would all gather together in the judge's chambers. A hearing would follow, calling for a dismissal of the case, and for Ruth to be released. 

    Rebekkah waits in eager anticipation, breathing in the crisp air of the day with extreme satisfaction. She had convinced the station to do a follow-up on the news segment she had done for the anti-drug campaign. She had previously aired Ruth's case as part of the sad story of local drug involvement by the area youth. But now she feels she has this chance to redeem herself …at least concerning the segment including Ruth. She will show how justice can be served through the combined efforts of local police and neighborhood organizations. Roy will certainly be surprised. Two can play this game!

44



    Rebekkah feels real good about this! Today is certainly a good day! 

    She hopes Angelo is also having a good day. That realization suddenly hits her. She had accomplished a good thing here, but she should have just left the other thing alone. 

    She questions the wisdom in sending Angelo out on his next filmmaking assignment. Angelo had understood that he should not be seen with her at this time …after having gone to the police with the tape. Rebekkah had Angelo move in with Harold and Hannah …and Aleah. That was a good thing. But maybe she shouldn't have given him that next assignment. 

    Rebekkah now feels that was unwise. She had memorized a verse from a book of wise sayings, the Book of Proverbs. She recites it aloud, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." 

    Poor Ruth …she had been trained with criticism, ridicule, mistrust, and deception. What about that? If not for Rebekkah's efforts to save her, would she have been sentenced to a life of cruel emotional imprisonment and torturous torment …inflicted upon her by a parent who uses guilt and condemnation as the ruling force? 

    Ruth seems to have endured quite well, considering the present circumstances, but how long would she have been able to endure? And what about others who are trained wrong? Will they ever be able to depart from it? So often the child adopts traits similar to the parent …even if the child hates the way the parent is. How easily bitterness, resentment, and hostility are bred into our children. And rebellion is the beat to which they march hand-in-hand. 

 45 



    Suddenly Rebekkah feels guilty. It's not just parents who train in the way they should go. It's any number of impressionable adults who send children out into a confusing world, only armed with their own private agenda. Is this what she had done with Angelo? She had asked him to lie. And now he was out doing much more …of her bidding. 

    No more time to consider that …they are about to emerge from the building. The cameras are set to roll, and Rebekkah has to focus on doing her part. The public will now see what Rebekkah wants them to see …an innocent Ruth, free of charges. 

    But Rebekkah doesn't entirely see what she wants to see. Roy Razohn smiles as he approaches the camera, "It's great to be together as family again!" 

    Rebekkah has to compose herself. The show must go on. She has a news segment to do. 

 46                                                                                                                  
                     

                              XVII.

            
    Harold and Hannah watch the evening news. They know Rebekkah must be devastated. 

    They agree to invite her, over the phone, "How about coming over for lunch tomorrow?" 

    She is not ready to face them with her failures, "Sorry, I can't make it. I told George I'd meet him tomorrow …but I'm free the following day." 

    George doesn't mind a bit that Rebekkah frequents his advice …or in this case, appreciates him being a good listener. "Genny and Ruth must feel Roy had been the one who orchestrated the whole thing. Even so, why would they go back to him? I guess, it's obvious. They probably feel this past week was just a taste of what will happen if they dare cross him again. But now, instead of being in prison, Ruth will actually be imprisoned within her very own home …by her own dad. They had finally escaped that horrible life …only to return to it." 

    Rebekkah takes a deep breath. She laughs, to avoid crying, "You're always a big help, George. Thanks for being such an available friend." 

    The following day, Harold and Hannah greet Rebekkah at the front door as she arrives for lunch. She can tell by their expressions that something is wrong. "Is Aleah okay?" 

 47



   "Yes, she's fine …she fell asleep about twenty minutes ago. It's not Aleah …it's Angelo. This morning he was arrested for stalking." 

    Rebekkah is speechless! It is all her fault. 

    Two weeks ago, she had been unable to sleep, and the name suddenly appeared in her memory. The last name, MacMahon …not an uncommon Irish name, took up about a column and a half in the Seattle phonebook. But it was the name of her husband that suddenly came to her again. The wife had mentioned his name only once, stating, "Killian and I have three daughters. This will be our first son." 

     Rebekkah had thought it odd. Maybe it was just semantics, but she still thought it was odd that she'd say "will be", instead of "is". 

     George had told her she was making too much of it, but he agreed that it was odd …not about the MacMahon son, but about Ruth's baby. Every description of the 'Beefalo' character was rather consistent …but it was inconsistent with the description of Ruth's baby. Any number of things could have happened, but the most likely ….it is too maddening to think about! 

    Then two weeks ago, she'd been unable to sleep, and there it was again …that name looming in front of her. Rebekkah knows she shouldn't have asked Angelo to lie to the police, explaining how he had come about getting the tape …but then she had asked him to further test his abilities in filmmaking. She had sent him to the residence of …the only Killian MacMahon in the Seattle area. She had used Angelo …and now he's in jail. How's this much different than the way Oz had used him? 

 48 



     Harold interrupts her thoughts, "The police confiscated Angelo's video-camera upon his arrest, but he had already completed one tape. We have it all set up, if you'd like to see it." 

    Viewing the tape doesn't help Rebekkah's mood any. It begins with an argument in the driveway. Rebekkah recognizes Mrs. MacMahon, and suddenly recalls her name, Derry. Killian is about to get into his car, and he is hollering at his wife who stands at the front door with their infant son in her arms. The next thing you see is the mail truck arriving. The mail truck doesn't stop at the mailbox though. It pulls up right into the driveway. And the mailman goes to a side door and lets himself in. The mailman is an African-American. 

    Rebekkah's eyes widen with curiosity. Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these courageous couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. It was obvious that he was delivering more than the mail. And Rebekkah would make certain that plenty of heat is provided to add to the gloom. 

     Rebekkah begins to plot out in her mind the action she plans to take. But the next thing on the tape really infuriates her. As Killian arrives back home that evening, Angelo had amazingly been able to use the new camera to focus through the window and into the home, showing the infant child crying while seated in a highchair at the dinner table. Killian then gets up from the table and backhands the infant, creating an even more distressed cry …to which Killian lifts the infant out of the chair, and proceeds to shake the infant. 

49 



    Rebekkah just happens to have a personal friend from church who is a social worker. She tells the friend the story, shows her the tape, and then wastes no time in accompanying her to the hospital. 

    Sandy is on duty. Rebekkah introduces Sandy to the social worker, and then shows her the tape. She lets Sandy believe that Derry had already been confronted. Sandy feels trapped, "What do you want from me?" 

    Rebekkah simply states, "No one is interested in pressing charges against you. All I want is a written confession concerning your part in all this." 


 50

                                                                                                    XVIII.

    First things first, Rebekkah posts the bond to get Angelo out. She will later work to clear him of the charge. She'll admit he was working for her. 

    She apologizes to him many times over. 

    Angelo attempts to settle her down, "It's okay, Mom …I don't fault you for what you did." 

    "But you did it out of love for me, and the desire to want to please me. What I did was to further my own agenda. You deserve way better than that. I really do love you, Angelo …I just don't know if I'm any good for you." 

    "Mom, you provided hope for me. That provided for me a new direction. If you're going to say that going against the law is not a new direction, you're right. But you helped me realize something over the past few days. I don't really want to go into filmmaking. I want to be a schoolteacher. I want to go back to my own neighborhood and help all the other children out. I want them to be able to have the same hope that you've shown me. There are wars going on throughout the country between men who struggle for money, power, and prestige. And they began waging one in my own neighborhood. But the most delightful thing about all this is …the fact that in spite of the battle, a light still shines in the darkest of areas. With a positive attitude, we can always accomplish way more than if we don't have that common focus. I want to return …return to my neighborhood, and help them continue to shine." 

 51



    Rebekkah is so touched. She will make sure that it continues to shine. And every child that wants an education, she will provide the means for them. 

    She had been concerned about Angelo and how she'd messed up …in helping to train him in the way to go. But sometimes …it's the child that leads. 


 52

                                                                                                                           XIX.

                                                                                                     
    Rebekkah makes sure she has the social worker with her. They wait until the mailman leaves before they confront her. 

    Derry is upset, "It's blackmail! You are trying to ruin my life!" 

    Rebekkah assures her, "No, I'm not …it just happens that way with sin. You're in denial so long, you turn everything around, and you can't see the truth clearly. I'm just trying to bring justice." 

    "Justice! Is it justice that you break up my home? I will lose my husband if you do this to me. I have three school age daughters."

    "If I do this to you? You act like you've done nothing to contribute to this." 

    "But you can't take my son, you just can't!" 

    "Oh, it's okay to take someone else's child? But now you claim it's wrong to correct the wrong."  
    Suddenly a car pulls up into the driveway. Derry really begins to panic, "Please don't expose me, he'll know I've been unfaithful. He'll never accept a black girl. Please don't tell him that part! Keep both children!"

    "I fully intend to!" 

     Killian angrily joins the scene, "What's going on here?"

     Derry points to Rebekkah, "She'll explain it to you." 

     Rebekkah is rather blunt, "I came here to talk with your wife because I'm a reasonable person, and am willing to forego pressing charges against her." 

 53 



     Killian laughs, "I don't see any police here, so what do you two ladies think you are going to do? Am I to assume this is a citizen's arrest?"

    "This is no laughing matter. Do you want to lose your son and your wife?" 

     Killian turns to his wife, "What is she talking about? Someone better tell me what's going on!" 

     Derry fights off the tears, "We have three precious girls …but I wanted so bad to give you a son. There were complications with the birth. I didn't know how I was going to tell you that our son died …that I had a stillbirth. The nurse at the hospital saw my desperation, and decided to help me out. There was a teenage girl at the hospital that probably wasn't going to do a very good job with raising a child as a single mom, so the nurse switched the babies. The teenage girl thought she had lost her baby …but she hadn't. Now that they know this, they want the child back." 

     Killian is angry, "No one can prove this. I'm not giving up our son!"

     Rebekkah looks him boldly in the eyes, "Yes, we can …and we will, if it comes to that."

     Killian orders his wife, "Call the police …and don't you say any of this to anyone. They can't prove anything." 

     Rebekkah continues to look directly at him, "I wouldn't be so quick to get the police over here. I'm willing to forego pressing charges against you also …unless you insist upon being difficult."

 54 

    Derry intervenes, "They have a video-tape of you being abusive towards our son. I really thought you wanted a son, but every day I see more and more that you really don't want to be bothered by any children. I think it's best that we leave well enough alone. Just let them have Devin! We'd end up losing him anyway …and this way we can both avoid going to jail." 

    Not the MacMahons, but the mailman had charged Angelo with stalking him. Rebekkah has a low tolerance for the unfaithful spouse scenario, but often …so does the unsuspecting spouse. Rebekkah convinces the mailman of this, and he drops the charges …for his own good. 

    Rebekkah struggles over the issues of the past days. Derry had lied to her husband about having a stillbirth. But what did it matter to her? Derry had been deceiving her husband for quite some time now. What would one more lie be? The fact that Derry would give up on her own child is proof enough that she doesn't deserve to have either child. Derry had said she didn't want the precious little African-American child. And her husband, who'd already been unkind to Devin, would totally resent Aleah. 

    Rebekkah tells Harold and Hannah that she wants to change Devin's name. Poor Devin probably only heard his name being spoken in a negative way. She'd have it changed to what Ruth would have it to be …Stephen. It isn't too different sounding than the name Devin. The main difference is that the name 'Stephen' will only be spoken in a loving tone …and he'd soon learn that he is loved.

 55

                                                                                                                                                                     XX.


    This week has really been rough on Maggie. She is losing hope that she'll ever find out what had happened. Only a few of the patients have even made mention of Nitro Nurse, noting that her suitable replacement follows the same recipe for good behavior …pop and chips. Aside from that, there is no mention of her …and no sighting of either her or Larry. 

     It seems as if everyone was threatened into holding a vow of silence. It certainly wasn't normal for the two most infamous people in this hospital to be absent from everyone's conversation. This was usually a gossip center. 

     Suddenly, her boss approaches her, "Maggie, could I talk with you a minute?"

     She hadn't seen him coming. She'd been in a daze. 

    "I just want to know if you'd be interested in a raise in pay." 

     That certainly adds to the strangeness. How often do you hear that line? 

    "You know I've been underpaying you …and I'm sorry. You are a real good worker, and I want to make it up to you." 

     Maggie agrees she has been working too hard. She can't believe she's hearing this. She has to be hearing him wrong.

 56 





   "I'll double your pay if you add just one more floor to your cleaning rotation." 

    Maggie can't believe it! This is really wild! She cleans every other floor …the only floor that could be added is the fourth floor. 

     Her heart is racing …filled with both anxious anticipation and dread. She doesn't want to consider the possibility, but what if Larry is up there? 

     She clenches her teeth. What if he is like …she doesn't even want to consider it! But the thoughts insist on having their way with her. Most likely dissections were done on the bodies for the sake of medical science, but other possibilities still exist in her mind. What if it wasn't the work of a coroner on the fourth floor? Maybe the bodies weren't donated. 

     Her boss misinterprets her hesitation to accept his offer. "Actually, I'm shocked that you have stayed with us this long. I know that you can find equivalent work for triple the pay, and some of those jobs also offer medical benefits. Some of the workers we've had are real vagrants …working only long enough to allow themselves to afford another binge, or perhaps long enough to obtain medical benefits they can take advantage of. But you are a real good worker. I'm sorry that I can only double your pay at this time."

     Maggie's thoughts are scrambling wildly. She still does not answer. She is not really hearing what he is saying. 

 57 





    Her boss tries to figure what part of his sale's pitch he had left out, "Oh, I get it! You think I'm going to ask you to work extra hours. I should have made that clear. I don't think anyone should give more than eight hours out of their day to their job. And the fourth floor shouldn't be much work. You can let up on the intensity of the other floors. As it is, I already can see my reflection in the fountains when I get a drink …and half the time that startles me." 

    Maggie hasn't been listening to him. She looks at her boss who appears to be waiting for a response from her, but she is uncertain what he's been saying.

    "Well, what do you say, Maggie? Is it a deal?"

    "Sure …do I need a separate key?" 

    "No, I had the lock changed to match the other floors." 

     Maggie tries hard not to appear anxious. She waits until her boss is out of sight …then bounds up the stairs to the fourth floor. All the past thoughts of when she was up here the last time flood her mind. 

    She trembles. What if it is a trap? Her boss did seem a bit anxious to get her to go up here. 

    She drops her keys. 

    Larry had overcome his fears for the purpose of doing what he felt he must do. That was really the key. Maggie recalls what she'd read in Profiles in Courage. She trembles as she picks her keys back up. 

    She struggles, finding difficulty with so much nervous shaking, but she is successful in getting the key into the lock. 

58 




    Maggie is fearful of what dread she is about to unlock. 

    She cries, "Oh, Larry!" And she unlocks the door. 

    She stands there motionless, staring through the window through which she had witnessed the horror.

    She is shocked, yet no less comforted …a bit relieved, yet not really. The room has been turned into an office. 

    She hurries to an adjacent room which has been converted into a conference room. Each additional room that she hurries to …is similarly converted. 

    Maggie is certain what she sees is a cover-up. 

    Maggie is exhausted, having spent all of her emotions. She has to stay awake. Can't fall asleep at the wheel, and jeopardize the lives of others. She has over an hour drive ahead of her …it is hard to predict with the highway under construction. 

    She has to get her mind off Larry. She can't think about it anymore …it is maddening, and she doesn't want to carry that madness to the road. 

    She thinks of the young man in Len's bed. It must be even worse for him. It's hard to imagine what he's been through. 

    Traffic is progressing slowly at this point. Maggie recalls the young man's progress. She had tried to develop some trust …little by little. The vital point was getting him to eat and drink. She has to feed him as if he's a newborn babe. At first he'd made a mess, just like newborns, but he is getting better …not spitting up as much. 

 59 




    The young man had continued his pattern of looking ahead, eyes not traveling from side to side, and not blinking. But at least he appeared relaxed. He appeared to trust her. He seemed to accept and acknowledge her kind, gentle touch. 

    He must have sensed that she was not the enemy. How much he comprehended, she never quite knew. But she would talk softly to him, explaining what she was doing as she performed her chores of feeding him and tending to his daily needs. 

     Even though a janitor, she'd observed enough on how to care for a bedridden patient. Most of it was common sense anyway. Just yesterday, she had given him a sponge bath, and washed his hair. She combed it, but once it dried, there was a nice natural wave to it. She was a natural with newborns …it seemed. 

     Maggie finally arrives home. The young man is sitting up, pillows all around, helping keep him propped up …just like she'd left him. 

     She speaks softly, "I'm famished, how about you?" 

    The young man just stares straight ahead. "I'll get your food first. After all, you're my guest, whoever you are. No way to act …not letting the guest eat first." 

    She grabs a jar a baby food out of the grocery bag she had left on the dresser, and grabs a clean apron out of the drawer. As she turns back around, the young man's head tilts to the side, and his eyes begin to shut.

    "Hey, don't fall asleep on me! You haven't eaten yet."

 60 




    Maggie sits beside the young man on the bed. She repositions him, and fluffs up the feather pillow supporting his head. His eyes open wide again.

    She retrieves the jar and spoon, standing in front of him so he can see her …since his eyes always seem to focus straight forward. 

    "Now open wide …" 

     She directs the spoon towards his mouth. He does not open wide. He does what he always does …stares straight ahead.

     She gently places a thumb on his chin to drop his jaw slightly as she guides the spoon in. 

    The young man's eyes move! Maggie can't believe her own eyes. His eyes had actually followed the spoon back to the jar for another spoonful.

   "Hey, now we're talkin' ...we're making some real progress here. Well, maybe not talkin', but let's not minimize your achievements." 

     Her eyes begin to well-up with tears as his eyes follow the next spoonful from the jar to his mouth. 

    "Gross! How can they eat that stuff?" 

     Maggie drops the spoon. She can no longer hold back the tears. "You can talk! I can't believe it …you can talk!"

 61

                                                                                                                                                XXI.

                 
     Genny and Ruth say nothing to each other the entire flight back to Michigan. 

     Roy now speeds down the old dusty road …gravel flying. "It's so good to be home!" 

     Genny and Ruth continue their silence as he pulls up into the driveway. "Okay, this is a good thing. Make sure you keep up the good work. You don't want to talk now …I don't want you talking to anyone else either. And I hope I make myself clear. If you dare consider there being a next time …there may not be!" 

    Genny and Ruth understand. And they both silently agree. 

    They will wait however long it will take …for Roy to eventually leave the house. 

    It is absolute pure torture for Genny. She had hoped she'd never see her husband again …but now she has to sleep with him. 

    Lightning and thunder visit the night. It rains hard. It seems like a night of eternal hell, but she knows that whatever hell is like …there's no relief in that place. 

    Relief comes none too soon for Genny. Roy prefers to take care of business early …keeping a step ahead of everyone. 

    Genny doesn't know if she will even be able to step at all …but thank God, Roy is a morning person. And eventually he does step out the door.

 62



    Roy insists that they gather together for a cozy breakfast as family. He looks across the table with a sickening smile, "How did you sleep last night, Ruth?" 

    Ruth knows better than to not answer her dad. "Fine. But the roof in my bedroom leaks." 

   Genny looks across the table at her daughter. She fears for Ruth. Roy could take this as a complaint. 

    Roy's smile quickly disappears. He looks across the table with those angry eyes. "There's a ladder around back …and there's shingles in the shed. Don't tell me that you're incapable of fixing it!" 

    "I'll get right on it!" Ruth rises from her seat. 

    "Finish your breakfast first! We already had our rain …what's the rush?" 

     Ruth sits back down. Silence fills the room. Any bit of words could rain down his anger. 

     Roy rises from his chair. He knows he is feared. He enjoys the fact that they know not what to expect from him. "I have to take care of some business. You are not to leave the house or to make a call to anyone. I'll be calling to check on you …so be sure to answer the phone. Take a message if a call comes for me. If it's not for me, tell them they have the wrong number." 

     Roy quickly gulps down his coffee. "Don't even think of crossing me. Remember, I have your number." 

    He laughs as he opens the door to leave. "It's great to have you both back." 

 63 





    Genny and Ruth look across the table at each other in silence as Roy creates a cloud of dust down the gravel road. They had never witnessed him laughing before. And this change is extremely unsettling. He has gotten potentially much worse, it seems. 

    They have no idea what is in store for them …though whatever it is, it is real scary. 

     But suddenly the realization that he is gone hits them. They both leap up from the table, and embrace each other with their tears. 

     For the next hour, they pour out their tears about everything that has happened since Ruth's arrest. The first thing that Ruth shares is her secret regarding the sudden disappearance of Aleah. That is the worst part of all …having to fear to the point of parting with her precious little daughter. 

     Ruth fears what might happen if she waits too long to fix the roof. He may return at any time. She better start on it right away …at least he'd see her effort to comply with his commands. If she disappoints him, not only will she be subject to his wrath, but Mom will suffer doubly. 

     Ruth finds the ladder, mostly hidden by the overgrown grass in back of the house. It is not easy to free it from its thatched grip, but she is determined. 

     Loose grass still hangs from its rungs, no matter, as Ruth props the ladder up against the house. But before she gets the hammer, nails, tar, and shingles from the shed …there's one thing she has to do first. 

 64



    Ruth rushes to the neighbor's front porch, knocking on Emil's door. She is very eager to see how her good friend is doing …but there is no sign of anyone home. 

    Actually there is a sign …Ruth sees it now, lying in the grass beside a broken stake. The sign reads: 'For Sale'. 

    Ruth wipes away the tears. She returns to the shed, getting the things she'll need to take up on the roof with her. 

    Genny steps just outside the door. "Now, be careful up there!" 

    Ruth reassures her, "I will …this is the safest thing I've done in weeks." 

    Ruth sees what the problem is. A stick is jutting out of the roof …not a very big stick, but large enough in size to sustain the brunt of the blow from when it likely was part of the much bigger branch lying below. She might need half the can of tar for this job. 

    Ruth looks up from her work. It is really amazing from up here. She can see all over. She can spot that car coming from nearly a half mile away.

    Ruth watches the car take its slow path. It can't be her dad …the car is going too slow. She watches as the car travels the old dusty gravel road, leading to the house …next door! 

    A lady gets out of the car. Ruth can't help her eagerness in hollering out, "You thinking of buying the house?" 

   "No, I'm not buying the house …I'm selling it." The lady turns around, wondering who she's talking to. "Where are you?"

 65



    Ruth hollers down, "Up here! I saw the busted sign. Are you a real estate agent?" 

    "No, I'm the daughter. My dad died two weeks ago." 

    "I'm sorry, …" She doesn't know what more to say. Tears gather. 

    "And you are …?" 

    "Ruth …your dad and I were good friends while I was growing up. I just recently moved back." 

   "Ruth? Oh my ...Dad wrote me all the time about you. He said you were a very special person." 

   "Your dad was a very special person also."

   "You know, I'd really like to stay and talk, but I've got to get back to New York. Say, you wouldn't be interested in watering dad's indoor plants, would you? He wrote once about how interested you were in plants." 

    "Sure, I can do that." 

    "And there's some food in the refrigerator you can help yourself to …things like cookies. Help yourself to anything. Oh, by the way, the key is behind the porch lantern. It's been real good meeting you, Ruth." 


 66


                                                            XXII.

  "You can talk! Oh, God, you can talk!" 

"Yes, thank God …and thank you for all your nursing care. By the way, you don't have to refer to me as 'whoever you are' anymore. My name is Stephen. Stephen Tressel …I think. At least, last I remember I was. I was in a car accident …on my way to get married. Where am I, exactly? This doesn't really look like your typical hospital room. Not that I'm complaining …I'm really happy for the care you've been giving me. Most of it is still hazy, but I do recall some of the quiet encouragement." 

Maggie doesn't know what to say. She just cries. 

Stephen notices her tears, "I'm sorry about my comments about the baby food. And I didn't try to spit it up …I just choked on it. I was just kidding about the stuff being gross. It's actually not that bad …it's not like eating Brussels sprouts or soap." 

He recalls the story Ruth had told him. "Has a girl named Ruth stopped by to see me? And I don't want to burden you with the question again, but where exactly am I? I didn't catch your name." 

"Maggie …Maggie Major. At least, last I remember I was. And to answer your other question, you are in Old Town, Maine." 

"I'm in the old part of town's main hospital?" Maybe that's why the room looks so different, if it's in an old hospital, Stephen surmises. 

"No, you're in the state of Maine." 

 67 




Stephen feels more like he is in the state of confusion. 

Maggie tries to explain to him what she had witnessed, other than the part about Nitro Nurse …she didn't want him to have nightmares. But from what the two of them can put together, it seems that Stephen had been kidnapped for some reason or another. 

This just concerns Stephen more …about Ruth. Is she okay? Is she in danger? He has to find out! 

"I'm sorry, but I don't have a phone. I can take you to a restaurant tomorrow morning and we can call Ruth. But it's just the middle of the night now. And you probably don't want to call her in the middle of the night anyway." 

"Thank you, Maggie. I appreciate that very much. I'd also like to call Dad … Pastor John." 

"I know this is rough on you, Stephen. And I'll do what I can to help you put the pieces back together. But meanwhile, you have to get your strength back …and since you don't prefer baby food, what kind of food would you like?" 

Stephen hesitates for only a moment, "I'll have what you're having, Maggie." 

"I'm a vegetarian …I usually just have a salad." 

Stephen smiles, "When in Rome …do as the Romans do. Unless they're persecuting Christians, of course. Yes, I'll have a salad too. Just make mine twice as big …I think I'm a bit hungry. And I have to get my strength back, right?" 


 68 


Maggie sleeps surprisingly well through the night. She is eager to see how Stephen has done. As she enters his room, she sees that he is already awake. "Did you sleep well, Stephen?" 

"No, I can't say that I did …I vomited up that salad. Now I know why they call it roughage." 

"I'm sorry, I should have known not to start you out with a salad." 

"I vomited all over the floor. I think I passed out afterwards. But when I woke up, it was all cleaned up. Do you have a pet?" 

Maggie gives Stephen a squeamish look, "That's gross!" 

Stephen smiles, "I thought so too …but the meow that I heard apparently voiced a difference of opinion. Do you own a cat?" 

"No, I'm just renting one. After that description of ill-begotten behavior, I don't think I want to own up to owning one. You know, Rent-a-cat, good for odd jobs around the house …especially gross ones. Poor Ted, I forgot to feed him. It's all my fault. He must have been starving." 

"Must have been! By the way, maybe we should keep me on that baby food a bit longer. I seem to be able to keep that down." 

"Well, Stephen, I don't know how well you feel after vomiting like that, but I said I was going to take you to the restaurant to make those two phone calls. Just promise me one thing …" 

"What's that?" 

"Don't order any salad!" 


 69

                                                                    XXIII.
Genny had heard it all, the conversation being quite loud from rooftop to all the way across to the neighbor's house. And after Emil's daughter had left, Ruth began pounding shingles. Genny is sure Ruth hadn't heard the phone ring. 

Genny steps outside, "How is it going?" 

"Good …I'm almost done." 

"How far can you see from up there?" 

"About a half mile. I can see cars coming from about a half mile down the road." 

"Enough time to climb down the ladder and run to get me if you spot your dad returning?" 

"I think so …why?" 

"Well, I heard Emil's daughter say we are welcome to anything …and I'm going over there to get some of those cookies." 

"Sounds good. I'll keep a look-out." 

Genny hurries next door to call Rebekkah. She doesn't want to use her own home phone. If Roy decides to call, he would be able to say the line was occupied, and question why. If he calls now and no one answers, he may be upset, but she can always say she was in the bathroom …and of course, Ruth was on the roof. He will never suspect her making a phone call at the neighbor's house. 


                                                                               70

                                                                                                                                                                                                            XXIV.

                                                                             
"You did what!" Rebekkah realizes that she should be relieved, but instead she is so anxiously desperate that she is questioning Genny's judgment. 

"I told Stephen that Ruth was not here right now. He asked where she was and I said, "You know how young people are …you can't really tell, most of the time the things they do are over your head." I told him the truth. I didn't lie to your son …she was up on the roof." 

"I'm not upset about that! Why didn't you get more information? All you did is get the address to the restaurant …and that's in Maine! What if he doesn't make it back tomorrow? Why didn't you get the address where he is at?" 

"Why don't you stop hollering at me? We should be praying together, and thanking God that he's okay." 

"We don't have any time for that! Sure, he's okay now, but what about tomorrow? You don't know the grief I've gone through. Over a year and a half …and I've finally found him, but tomorrow he could be gone!" 

"You didn't find him …God brought him back somehow, and it is still in God's hands." 

"You are right …I'm so sorry, Genny. What do I think I'm saying …no time to pray? I am so losing my grip …that I can't even think clearly. I truly am thankful for what God has done. I am ready to pray with you, Genny." 

                                                               71 







    Rebekkah is so thankful for Genny and Ruth. It's not their fault what had happened to Stephen. And the timing is certainly God's timing …having them return to Michigan just in time to receive the call from Stephen. 

    What Rebekkah had seen as a terrible thing, Ruth and Genny returning to live with Roy, was now just what was needed.

    And it was clear to her what else was needed. She calls a limousine to pick up Genny and Ruth to take them to the airport. That was the first thing that had to happen …get them away from Roy!  
    Rebekkah now hurries aboard her own private jet. She will fly to Detroit Metro airport, pick up Genny and Ruth there …and off to Maine. They will meet Stephen for lunch tomorrow as arranged, at The Breakfast Club. 

     Rebekkah cannot make tomorrow come any sooner. As the jet takes off, she has plenty of time to think of tomorrow …but it is a day in the past that occupies most of her thoughts. The sketchy details and the quite vivid ones, all replay in her mind: Stephen was to pick up Ruth, and they were to get married. Roy was tailing Genny who was tailing Stephen. Genny tried to lose Roy, and he made a bad traffic choice that caused the terrible accident. 

 72 




    Rebekkah is not only reviewing it in her mind simply because it is foremost in her mind. She is also rehearsing what she is going to say to Ruth. She and Genny both agree that it is time that Ruth know the truth about what had happened. Oh, but it is going to be so difficult! How can they explain something that seems so unforgivable? 

As the jet takes off from Detroit Metro, Ruth is still rather overwhelmed. She knows Rebekkah only as an acquaintance from church, and she feels they are merely running away from Roy, only this time going to the East Coast. 

Genny begins by telling her part of the story; then expects Rebekkah to jump in when it gets to her part …or when it becomes too difficult: "I figured I would never be able to escape your dad, but at least you could get a fresh start at life by marrying Stephen. I knew the best chance you had was if I stayed totally out of your life, in hopes that your dad would also. But that thought was not easy. I wanted so much to be a part of your life …and I wanted to be there for one of the biggest moments in your life. But I knew it was best I stay away on your wedding day …and yet I still wanted to at least see what kind of young man Stephen had turned into, being as he was going to marry my only child. So I drove to the airport to see him arrive." 

Ruth is about to cry. Why is mom telling her this? Is she about to confess that she is the one responsible for the accident …and Stephen's death? She fights off the tears as she continues to listen. 

 73 






   "I did not want to interfere …I wanted the best for you. I just planned on following him a little way and then I was …" 

    Genny begins to cry. "Then it happened so fast. Your dad suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He almost ran me off the road. The only thing I could think about was all the anger inside me from all the years. And I wasn't about to let him ruin your life too. I wanted to lead him away from Stephen. I wanted to lose him and when I tried, he pulled one of his wild stunts, pulling out as a huge tanker truck was coming. The huge tanker struck Stephen's car. Your dad fled the scene, but I felt sure he would be back. Stephen and the trucker had both been thrown from their vehicles. Stephen was lying face down in the water. Some people came to help me pull him out of the water. Then we tried to use this bait bucket from the water's edge to extinguish the flames still smothering the trucker. I saw a wallet beside him and I picked it up. Then when others came to help put out the blaze, I went back to Stephen and pulled his wallet out of his pocket. I saw a cloth necklace lying there on the ground and I picked that up too." 

    Ruth's voice trembles, "I don't understand what you are saying!" 

   "That's just it! I didn't understand what I was doing either. The only thing I could think about was to keep your dad away from Stephen, so I lied to the police. If anyone had seen me, I looked like a common pick-pocket." 

   "What do you mean, you lied to the police?"

 74 






    "Worse yet, I lied to you too, Ruth. I was afraid what your dad may do. I wanted him to be far away from Stephen, so I began my big deception. I told the police that Stephen was the trucker …and we stood at the trucker's side, pretending it was Stephen. I figured that if your dad followed us to the hospital, he couldn't hurt Stephen. I'm so sorry, Ruth, for causing you to believe a lie all this time." 

"All this time …I just can't believe that!" But after all she's been through in the past few weeks, yes, she believes it. "So where is Stephen then!" Ruth bursts into tears. "Where is Stephen!" 

Rebekkah enters the conversation at this point. "I heard about the accident on the news. Anytime something happens with a Tressel, it gets national attention. And sometimes national attention does not help. Stephen was kidnapped …and I was doing the best I could to find him. I've been paying out a million dollars a day to the kidnappers. And that's the same thing that happened to me!" 

Ruth looks up at Rebekkah, through her tears. She doesn't utter the words, though she expresses her disbelief silently. "What kind of craziness …!" 

Genny takes a turn, "I didn't believe it either. You had left with Odelle to find a bathroom on another floor …when suddenly, Rebekkah appears, crying out, "My son, my son, oh God, what has happened to my son!" I thought she must be from the psyche ward. I thought, I don't have time for this …until she showed me the necklace from around her neck, the same as the one you always wear around your neck, and the same as I picked off the ground at the accident scene." 

 75 





    Genny adds, "I don't know why, but I believed her when she said she was Stephen's mom …even though she was supposed to be dead. I told her that I also had a secret that I didn't want her to tell anyone. I admitted I lied to the police and this wasn't Stephen's body …but if she said anything about it, we could all end up being dead." 

"Then I asked Genny if she'd told anyone else about how she'd misinformed the police about who was who …and she said she had called Odelle, the caseworker. I had the feeling that Odelle was not who she said she was. I rushed to make the phone call. I couldn't believe it when Pontiac General said that the trucker had been there …they couldn't possibly have released him that quickly. They corrected me, stating he was not released, his Doctor merely had taken him to X-ray. I asked if that was standard procedure. They assured me that it was common procedure for an accident victim to be sent for X-rays." 

Genny adds her recollection. "No, I don't mean is it standard procedure to order X-rays, is it standard procedure for Doctors to transport patients!?! I still remember the way you exploded on them like that." 

"I don't know how, but at that point I really believed that my son was kidnapped. I rushed to the elevator. I wanted to go down, but I didn't realize until too late that the elevator was going up. Not knowing who Odelle was, I didn't realize that it was probably her that I bumped into on the elevator when I first came up …until I entered the elevator again to go back down, and saw the piece of paper that I recalled had fallen from her purse. At that point I reached down to pick it up …and I saw that it was a visitor pass from Pontiac General hospital." 

 76 






     Rebekkah concludes, "The rest of the details are unimportant. The fact is that the same people who had kidnapped me, now have kidnapped Stephen. And the money has to go to the same Swiss account that collected payment before I was located." 

Genny rests a gentle hand on Ruth's shoulder, "But we now believe Stephen has been found! I'm real sorry, Ruth, but we didn't want to give you false hope before this. You seemed to have already gone through the horror of it all and we didn't want to needlessly open it all up again, unless we were certain Stephen was alive. And I'm really sorry about all the lies. Lies to cover lies. When does it ever end? We fight the constant battle, opposing the evils of the world …and in attempting to oppose them, we often become more like that which we hate. I prayed and asked for God's forgiveness, now I'm asking for yours. We did clear it up with the trucker's family. We had his body turned over to them. As for the ashes we spread out over Seattle …they were from a local restaurant grill. We had to set them aside for a couple days to get rid of the barbecue smell. I am so sorry for lying to you like that! Will you forgive me?" 

    Ruth smiles through her tears, "Yes, I forgive you, Mom. Does this mean we are actually going to see Stephen, tomorrow? I just can't believe it! It's too good to be true!" 

                                                                           77

   



                                                               XXV.

     Roy arrives home. He shouts, but there is no answer. 

     He is furious! If they had dared consider crossing him again …this time they'll really pay! 

     He goes next door, recalling a couple times that Ruth had sought refuge there. He pounds on the door, then quickly locates the key behind the lantern. He congratulates himself …telling himself that it was not too clever of a place to keep a key. And the explosion of his anger is only temporarily delayed by the excitement he feels by thinking he's going to find them inside. 

     He looks about as he passes through each room of the small home. He returns to the living room. An empty notepad rests beside the phone. Roy smiles. He sees an imprint on the pad. Genny nervously bears down on her pen when she writes, and it looks like her writing. 

     He jots down what he can make out from the imprint …The Breakfast Club. It doesn't mean anything now, but maybe it will. 

     He had noticed a limousine in the area. Dexter doesn't usually have limousines frequent the area …and maybe this was just one of those unusual events, but maybe Rebekkah is responsible for their sudden boldness. Limousines are her style …and that also would mean they'd be headed to the airport. 

     He should have suspected this. He will check out the airport's limousine service and see what he can find out. 


 78

                                                      XXVI.

     Maggie pulls around back, two businesses down from The Breakfast Club. Stephen is still asleep. He appears exhausted from being out yesterday. 

    Today it was obvious that he had attempted not to lean on Maggie too much, and he had no energy left by the time he got to the car. He won't recognize where he is at. 

    As Maggie attempts to close the car door quietly, he wakes up, "Hey, trying to sneak off on me, are you?" 

    "I just have some business to take care of, and thought you could use the few minutes more sleep."

    "Well, every business is God's business …how about we pray before you go off trying to do things in your own power?" 

    "Okay, but you do the praying!" 

     After Stephen finishes his short prayer, Maggie locks the car doors. "I'll be right back." 

     Maggie feels uncomfortable about this for some reason. Really, she has good reason to suspect something …after all, Stephen hasn't exactly come onto the scene void of troublesome circumstances. She just wants to test the situation first. 

     She walks through the double doors, to the payphone. She calls the restaurant from inside the restaurant, "This is Maggie …I'd like to make reservations for a Stephen Tressel. He is expecting some friends, so we would need a table of …let's say, a dozen people. Do you have a section that would seat a dozen people?" 

 79 





    She looks around to see if anyone is listening, waiting for the response over the phone, "Yes, that will not be a problem. I can give you tables number seven and eight."

    "Thank you so much! If anyone arrives early, could you please escort them to our table." 

     The restaurant has heavy black curtains, not allowing any sunlight in, but it is well-lit. The whole tidy set-up creates a wonderful ambiance.  Maggie just hopes it's not a set-up …she certainly has her reservations about it. 

     To avoid appearing to loiter, she finds her way to the restrooms. Perhaps in a few minutes someone will inquire, and she will be able to casually observe if anyone finds their way to the two tables the waitress is now preparing.

     Maggie enters a bathroom stall and sits down. She has so much to think about. This is as good a place as any to think. Actually, it's not that comfortable. 

     Less time has perhaps elapsed than what it seems, but it just isn't that cozy in here. Maggie decides to walk back to the entrance. Maybe she should check on Stephen. 

    To her surprise, there are three people seated at the area she had reserved: A young girl about her age; and two women, either of which could be the girl's mom …though the plainly dressed one seems more likely to be. The other one seems to be in a class of her own, showing much elegance. The young girl is very possibly …Ruth.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

80 




    Maggie walks by, as to not bring suspicion upon herself. She still senses trouble. 

    Upon reaching the front, she gets her confirmation upon hearing, "We're supposed to meet our sister here. My wife and daughter are also joining us, so I don't know who would have made the reservations …Genny and Ruth Razohn, or Rebekkah Lessert. Do you know if anyone by any of those names has arrived yet?" 

     Maggie glances at the two men standing there. Neither of them is facing her, but the one man standing sideways looks a bit nervous, looking about. His right hand brushes against his sport's jacket. It is only a momentary glance, but from her angle she is sure she sees …a gun! 

     Maggie wants to get out of here, but she can't. She has to help the three women at the table. 

    She slips around the corner to the hallway near the kitchen. There are some jackets and sweaters hanging there …and a waitress apron is on one of the hooks. 

    Maggie quickly makes her way to table number seven. "I'm sorry, there's been sort of a mistake. Tables seven and eight have already been reserved for a gentleman's business meeting. You'll have to move to table twelve. Your party has already been informed." 

    The elegant woman speaks up, "Our party is already here?" 

   "I've already spoken with them. They will be here shortly. Now, if you'd be so kind as to follow me, I'll escort you to your table. And once again, my extreme apology for the mix-up."

 81 







    As Maggie seats them at table twelve, she glances back as the two men she had seen up front sit down at table number seven. She is relieved, but what is she to do now! 

    As she had told Stephen she had some business to take care of …she'd had no idea what kind of business it would become. What was it that Stephen had said? Something about all business being God's business …and he'd mentioned something about not trying to do anything on our own power.  
    Well, she certainly understands the power of that gun she'd seen. But she doesn't know anything about the power of prayer. The idea of power seems too much like those who seek power, and that usually only brings cruelty. But Stephen says we should talk to God …and that prayer can move mountains. It certainly would be convenient at this moment. She wants to believe it …she really does. And what better proving ground than a moment like this! 

    But she doesn't know God …and why would God listen to her? What is she supposed to say? Oh, what does it matter, here goes, "Oh God, …help!" 

    Maggie reaches into her apron pocket and retrieves a small pad and pen. It's a pad for taking orders. She'll use it for giving orders. She quickly writes something on the back, and returns to the table, gently placing the note on the table in front of the elegant lady. Rebekkah stares at the note. It reads: "Ruth is in danger. Get outta here!" 

 82 




    Suddenly the lights all go out. Maggie is surprisingly pleased how effective the heavy restaurant drapes are in blocking the outside sunlight. But no time to be too pleased, she's got to get out of here. She's done her part. Thanks to her janitorial skills, it was quite easy to locate the fuse box. 

    Maggie runs out back and hurries around the side of the building, only hesitating long enough to see the elegant lady rush the other two women out of the restaurant and into a rent-a-car.

   They drive out of the parking lot just seconds before the two men dash out of the building. The two men stand in the parking lot, looking about. It is clear they had not seen the three women who she'd left the note for …and Maggie is satisfied. 

    She slips around the side of the building and past the other two buildings. Stephen is sitting up, alertly looking about. She gets in the car. She'll somehow have to explain it to him …but later. 

    Meanwhile, Roy Razohn arrives, pulling his car up to where the two men are standing in the parking lot. There are men throughout the entire United States that know of Viceroy. They know he will want an explanation. And they are certain that no explanation will be good enough. 

    The two large men dwindle in stature with every word of Viceroy's wrath, "You both went into the restaurant!?! One of you should have stayed in the parking lot! Did it ever occur to you to check first …to see if there was a rent-a-car or a limousine in the parking lot? In our business, people dearly pay for incompetence!" 

 83 




    The veins are popping out on Roy's neck and across his forehead. In a fit of rage, he grabs the larger of the two men by the front of his sport's jacket, and slams him backwards against a car. 

    As the man falls to the pavement, Roy grabs the other man and slams him, now towering over both men lying on the pavement. Roy is about to kick the first man in the ribs …when suddenly Roy grabs his own head and falls to his knees. 

    Roy grimaces in pain, clenching his teeth. He attempts to get up, almost getting to his feet, only to fall back to his knees. Like a prize fighter trying to beat the count, Roy struggles a second time to stand. Still groggy, the two men slowly rise as Roy falls the remainder of the way …right on his face. 

    This time there is no struggle. Roy does not move. The two men stand paralyzed in fear, somehow feeling they are going to be held responsible for this too. But the only thing they can do now is call for an ambulance. 

                                                                 84





                                        XXVII.
    They are almost to the motel where they are staying, not far from The Breakfast Club, when an ambulance sounds. 

    Rebekkah becomes concerned as the ambulance passes. If there was in fact danger back at the restaurant, she hopes it somehow hasn't befallen the young girl who had warned her …and who is possibly somehow connected to Stephen.

    Rebekkah turns the car around, driving slowly in the direction of The Breakfast Club. 

    Several moments pass …and the siren sounds again. 

    As the ambulance hurries by, Rebekkah turns around again. She cannot contain her anxiety. She must find out who it is. 

    Genny and Ruth wonder what is going on ...but, Rebekkah doesn't say. 

    Upon arriving at the hospital, she quickly gets out of the car. "You two wait here!" 

    But they don't. Genny and Ruth follow her into the hospital. 

    Rebekkah is stopped by hospital security. She strains her neck to see the person being wheeled by on a gurney, but she cannot see. The gurney is wheeled onto the elevator.

    Rebekkah asks if they have any identification on the person who'd just been rushed in, as she observes what floor number the elevator light stops at. 

    The security guard says that all he can say is that it is a man, but nothing more.

 85 







     Rebekkah is familiar with their obligation of confidentiality, but insists, "It may be my son! Is the man's name Stephen Tressel …just tell me that!" 

    She gets no response, just stares. 

   "Well, I have to use the bathroom. Could you at least tell me where that is?"

    They point towards the elevators. But Rebekkah heads to the stairs. 

    Genny and Ruth are left speechless. The security guard had not seen Rebekkah enter the stairwell. Rebekkah is up to something, and the stairwell is the path of least resistance …no one is usually on the stairs. 

    Genny turns to Ruth, "We might as well stay in the car …as we were told!"

                                                                86

                      


                                               XXVIII.
   Rebekkah talks over the phone to the television station in Seattle, "I simply can't make it!" 

   Over the phone, "I have a piece of information that might just interest you, Rebekkah. The Wizard has been attempting to establish himself in the Chicago area …" 

    Rebekkah is tense, "Yes, I know that!" 

    Over the phone, "Well, did you also know that he was found dead last evening?"

    Rebekkah knows one thing. By her not appearing on the evening news, those loyal followers will turn over to the authorities the envelopes she had mailed them. That no longer concerns her …she has one less worry. Oz is dead, so what does that matter? The problem is, it will also incriminate Roy. 

     But Roy will have good lawyers. It will take a while to convict him …and he has shown what damage he can do. So how much more has to be endured during that while? The answer to that question will be on hold for a while.  Stephen is the main concern at this vital moment.

    Rebekkah had waited until they had returned from X-ray, and she had overheard them saying he had to go for emergency surgery to remove a tumor the size of a fist at the back of his head beneath the brain. But, she wanted to do more than just hear ...she wanted confirmation by seeing. Hadn't she been through enough painful news about her son?  This couldn't be him!

    Rebekkah tries her best to make it look real.  She trips, and bumps into the one carrying the clipboard.  It falls to the floor, and Rebekkah quickly picks it up, "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

    She takes a deep breath of relief, ad they move along.  It is not Stephen.  She had seen the name on the clipboard.  It was Roy Razohn! 

 87 





    Genny and Ruth have not said much. It is so strange not having to think Roy might burst through the door at any minute. It is a strange kind of comfort …not having to worry about that for at least a few days. 

    Genny has not had any real avenue of release until this moment, "I hate him! I hate what he's done to me. I hate what he's done to you. I hate everything he represents. To me, he is the absolute definition of hate. I know we are to separate the acts from the person, but I can't do that. I know God would have us to separate it, and not hate the person …and it's good if you can do that, but I just can't! If you can, then it would probably be a good thing to go see your dad. You are such a precious daughter, Ruth. If you can find it in your heart, go to him." 


                                                                 88

 
                                          XXIX.

   "We will have to reschedule to meet with them another day. Something came up …and they had to leave."

    Stephen alertly asks, "Why are you taking this route? I know I'm new to this area, but I've twice been to The Breakfast Club and …aren't you going way out of the way? Is something wrong? Why did they leave? You can tell me the truth …is someone in trouble?"

    "You're in trouble if we are playing twenty questions. You've already spent a quarter." She doesn't know what else to say. She doesn't want to admit she is afraid, but she wants to make sure they are not being followed. 

     Maggie pulls down a dead end street. Now this will help convince Stephen that she knows what she is doing!  Truthfully, she is trying to protect him ...but, how can she convince him of that if she continually messes up with stretching the truth?

    She pulls into a driveway to turn around, and she can't believe her eyes! 

    Is it who she thinks it is? 

    She turns to Stephen, "I just want to stop to see a friend. I hope you don't mind." 

    Stephen watches as Maggie approaches the front porch. There is an elderly woman on the porch rocking in her rocking chair. 

    Tears quickly visit Maggie's eyes. She can't believe it …it is her! 

    Olga stares past her, as if she isn't even there. She gently strokes a cat asleep on her lap. She keeps an ever so slowly back and forth rhythm with her rocking chair. 

    Maggie whispers, "Do you remember me?"

 89 





    Olga continues to stare ahead, rocking back and forth. Suddenly, the pattern breaks. She stops rocking. 

     It shocks Maggie to hear her suddenly speak, "Sickening, isn't it?" 

    The cat opens an eye. Maggie notices that it's the only eye the cat has. 

    The cat closes its eye again as Olga begins rocking again, back and forth, while staring straight ahead. 

    Maggie follows the stare. Across the street is a small park. A young couple are embracing each other on one of the park benches. But they are not just embracing …they are kissing and stroking each other all over. 

    Olga's voice crackles again, "Had a different girl last week. Same thing. They don't care." 

    She continues to rock this time, back and forth as her hand gently strokes her one-eyed cat. "My cat will never leave me. No matter who comes along, she'll stay with me. She really loves me. Why can't people be that way?" 

    Tears flow, streaking Maggie's entire face, "I'm sorry, Olga. I never got your address …or I would have visited." 

    Olga continues to stare ahead. She continues to rock back and forth, back and forth. 

                                                                90                                                         


                                                                                                  
                                                 XXX.

    Back and forth, back and forth, Ruth tosses and turns in her bed. It has been a couple days mulling over the idea, but now she has decided to go. She is in agreement with Mom …she is filled with hatred towards him too, but she will go. There are no mixed feelings. Dad had earned his reputation in the outside world …and he was no less better within his own family setting. But the doctors feel they may have an explanation for all that. And they are good here. They want to be a part of the solution. They take the time to talk with the families. 

     The Doctor also asks questions and listens, "Had you noticed that he'd been getting more moody lately?"

     Ruth considers that a real understatement, but she answers plainly, "Yes."

    "Well, when he comes to, you may not recognize him. Or let me say, you'll most likely get your old dad back. He had a tumor pressing against his brain …causing such extreme pressure that a bit of moodiness would be a very mild thing to expect. It often causes more than that. But now with the tumor removed, we expect you'll get your old dad back. It may just take a couple of days. That's about the average time it takes after surgery for most people to come to." 

 91 






    Ruth is not so sure how good a thing that will be …she does not recall any good old dad moments. 

    But just the same, she feels bad. She looks over at her dad, strapped to the bed. The restraints are around his wrists and ankles, to protect him while awaiting recovery. 

    Ruth attempts to recover the feelings she feels she should have at this time. 

    The doctor leaves the room. She sits in a chair a few feet from her dad's bed. His eyes are shut. She shuts hers. She prays aloud, "Dear God, I am sorry I judged Dad. I pray that the operation has been successful, and Dad will be all right." 

     Ruth's tears flow. Dad being all right seems to be a high calling, yet she is praying to the One who can do it. Still, it is difficult to imagine that all will be right. 

     Suddenly Ruth is startled. She feels a hand on her shoulder. She turns slowly to see …Mom standing there. 

     Mom has come to help support her during this difficult time. 

     Genny leans over to hug Ruth. 

     Suddenly they are both startled, as they hear, "God?" 

    They look over at him. His eyes are open …those same angry eyes. He clenches his teeth, seething with anger. "Your God is a curse!" 

     Ruth feels peace, having prayed for him, and releasing her negative emotion towards her dad. She lets her soft eyes penetrate his angry ones, "My God is the One who offers blessings …and you have never been able to take that away from me. And you never will." 


 92 




    Genny had also released her hate, upon deciding to visit her husband, "I forgive you too, Roy." 

    Roy clenches his teeth, so much so …you can hear his teeth grind. He clenches his fists, and pulls on the restraints, "Forgive me!?! You left me! I'll never forgive you for that! You humiliated me in front of those I demand respect from. They no longer admire and respect me behind my back. That's unforgivable! You dare to stand over me and talk of God and forgiveness. You will beg for forgiveness! You will be at my mercy …and will find none! Once I get out of this bed, I'll …" 

     He pulls on the restraints, to no avail. 

     Genny responds calmly, "Forgiveness isn't begged for …it's freely given, or it's not forgiveness at all. I left you because I had to. No one should have to put up with the way you treated us!" 

     Roy glares at her, "Put up with me!?! That's the way you look at it? Well, you had to put up with me because your God allowed it …what do you say to that?" 

     His angry glare turns into a sickening smile. "You think you are something now, because I'm strapped to this bed, but wait 'til they let me go! Then we'll see what your God is going to allow me to do to you!" 

     Genny calmly turns to Ruth, "I think we should leave now. I don't think we should get your dad too excited …it won't help his recovery." 

    As they turn to leave, Roy hollers out, "You get back here! I'm not through!" 

    Genny whispers, "Yes, you are!"

                                                                       93                                                                                                                                                             

                                                                                                           

                                                    XXXI.

    Maggie opens her cupboard. She still has some of the ingredients left over from that day. It had been last autumn, but it seems like only yesterday. She had invited Olga over, and they had baked a cake together …an angel food cake. Angel food meant, "I love you!"  Maggie will make Olga an angel food cake. 

    Maggie makes the mistake of falling asleep at the kitchen table. The next thing she knows, Stephen is waving his arms. And there is smoke all over. 

    He had already rescued the cake from the oven. 

     Maggie coughs, looking through the dissipating cloud, "I'm sorry. Sometimes I can't seem to do anything right." 

     Stephen's smile penetrates the smoke, "No problem …we can trim the sides. It'll still be okay. Nothing that a couple inches of frosting can't cure." 

    "I was hoping to bake the cake for Olga. Do you mind if we postpone looking for a place for you until tomorrow?" 

     Stephen smiles, "I wouldn't have it any other way …as long as I get to lick the frosting bowl." 

 94 





    Stephen doesn't know how much it means to her …and she doesn't really want to tell him. She doesn't want to tell him that Olga saved her life. He may ask how, and she doesn't want him to know. It is one of those memories from the past, part of which she wishes she could erase forever. 

    No more digging in the past. Major is a changed person now. 

    But so is Olga. When Maggie and Stephen arrive at the house, she is not on her porch this time …but her one-eyed cat is. The cat is meowing softly in the rocker. And seems its meow is not a happy one. It appears like a sad meow, distressed, and lonely. 

     Just yesterday,this same cat had been resting so peacefully on Olga's lap. But where is Olga now? 

     Maggie knocks on the door several times. She knocks loud enough to be heard in every room in the house. Her own echo returns to her without reply. 

     Suddenly a reply comes from the side of the house. "Looking for someone?" 

     A woman about Olga's age …and with the same vitality Olga had shown about a year ago, appears at the porch with surprising quickness. 

     Maggie doesn't really have too much time to think about it, "I'm an old friend of Olga's." That is perhaps misleading. She had only met her last year …and that was only one time. But Olga is the type of person who develops a special bond the first time …and that develops a friends for life type of friendship. 

    "Old friend, huh? Funny, haven't seen you around here much. How long has it been?" 

 95 

 


   Stephen chimes in, "You'd be a real friend if you could help us out."

    The old lady ignores Stephen, and continues to stare into Maggie's tear-filled eyes, "Gotta tell you somethin' …Olga is a good ol' gal, spry as any of us survivors. It was really sad to see poor Olga decline so quickly. Just a couple months ago, she appeared to snap. Couldn't hold a lick of a conversation with her. She'd just rock back and forth, back and forth on that ol' rocker. Seldom would she say a word. When she did speak, it was just nonsense …nothin' to do with nothin'. Couldn't understand her. She mostly just rocked back and forth, back and forth. Every day in that ol' rocker …never see her when she wasn't in that ol' rocker. Except yesterday. Couldn't believe it! Began tipping over all the park benches. Poor woman …guess her heart couldn't take it. Collapsed right there. I had to call an ambulance."

                                                                      96                 




                                                              XXXII.

    "I'm going to stay here. I've just got to find him!" Rebekkah is not easy to be around when things are not going her way. "You two can go back to Michigan …that's our best chance. I'm sure he will try again to contact you, Ruth." 



     Meanwhile, Maggie wants to get in contact with Olga. 

     As an afterthought, she had thought of that poor old one-eyed cat. She and Stephen had swung by there first to pick up the cat. Then they'd check out Maggie's hunch that the ambulance had taken her to the closest hospital. 

     It's a hot, humid day. She rolls down the window a few inches, so the cat will have plenty of air. Stephen agrees, also knowing how hot a car can become. But the cat is obviously not in agreement. It panics. 

     And before they can even walk the short distance out of the parking lot, the cat gets its head stuck in the window. Looking back, Stephen notices the cat dangling by its neck. 

     They quickly return back to the car, but in rescuing the cat, it escapes out of the car.

 97 





     Stephen is touched by the concern Maggie has for the cat's welfare, but he also sees how frustrated she is at this time. He retrieves the old purse from the car. It had been hanging on the back of the old rocker, and Maggie had used it initially to coax the cat into the car. Maybe it would work this time also. 

    "It's already like an oven in the car. Just having the windows open would not have been good enough. It's a good thing we had to come back to free the cat." Stephen tries to coax the cat from under the car with the purse, but is not successful. 

     Maggie laughs, "You have to have the right touch …let me give it a try!" 

     The cat comes to Maggie immediately. She slings the purse over her shoulder, and picks up the cat, lowering it into the large knit purse. "Now, if you don't want to stay in the car, you have to stay out of sight and promise not to make a sound." 

     Stephen laughs, "I guess you have the right touch."

    "Don't take the rejection too personal, Stephen. Maybe it can pick up the scent of my cat on my clothes." 

     As Maggie approaches the hospital entrance, Stephen lags only a step or two behind, attempting to keep up. She doesn't know Olga's last name, but maybe there is only one Olga in the hospital …hopefully. 

    She gently strokes the cat within the purse, and can feel the purring. The cat stays out-of-sight long enough for her to get Olga's room number. 

    As they pass a patient in the hallway, the patient begins sneezing. Stephen attempts to keep up with Maggie's lengthened stride. 

 98 






    She has no trouble finding Olga's room. As they approach her, aside from the rough shallow breathing, the room is deathly still. 

    Suddenly the cat leaps from the purse and lands on the bed beside Olga. 

    Olga's eyes remain closed and she doesn't move, yet a gradual smile emerges across Olga's face. Her lips part slowly, "I knew you'd come back!" 

    A much more audible voice startles both Maggie and Stephen, from behind them, "Are you any relation to her? We've been really lost …insurance forms and all, you know." 

    Maggie and Stephen both turn around at the same time to face the nurse. They are speechless. The cat is resting beside Olga on the far side of the bed. The cat is out of view, as long as the nurse doesn't move any closer. 

    Suddenly a scream from across the hall gets everyone's attention as it pierces into every room, "I'll get you yet! You'll pay for this!" 

    The nurse hurries across the hall. Maggie hurries to pick up the cat. The cat's claws are difficult to pry off of the fabric of Olga's blanket. It struggles and begins to meow loudly. 

    Olga cries out, "They're stealing my cat! Stop them!" 

    The woman across the hall continues to holler louder than Olga, so her protest can't be heard that easily from the hallway. 

    Maggie and Stephen quickly exit the room …with the cat.

 99 





    Once again, Maggie uses her janitorial navigation skills to find a back exit to leave the building by. The cat continues to struggle. 

    Once they get into the car, Maggie lets the cat free, but that only gives it freedom to claw Stephen. 

    Stephen offers, "I don't know what the cat has against me, but I can drive if you can manage the cat." 

    Maggie grabs the cat, "This old car can be difficult if you're not used to it." 

    Stephen smiles, "I had an old car back home. Should be a piece of cake." 

    Maggie gasps, glancing in the back window. "Speaking of cake …" 

    She had forgotten about it. Now it looked more like a volcano than a cake. The frosting had flowed like lava down the back seat, leaving it in ruins. 

                                                                        100


  
                                                     XXXIII.

    Maggie thinks about how her life has been in ruins. Lately, one thing after another seems to erupt. But even so, it appears she's had it better than Stephen. 

     Much of life is a matter of perspective. Those who we feel have it good, may not have it so good. And those who feel they don't have it so good, perhaps don't spend enough time counting their blessings. 

     Maggie just happens to notice that Stephen is writing a letter to Ruth. It must be a real blessing to have a friend like Stephen. He really loves Ruth. 

     Maggie is beginning to learn a few more things about Stephen. It so happens that he is extremely wealthy. "I'm going to open a bank account here. All I have to do is get in touch with my bank in Seattle, and have them transfer some funds here." 

    "There are some nice homes on the other side of the tracks." Maggie had told Stephen she'd help him find a place. 

     He had told her he has already inconvenienced her enough, even though she had said it was no inconvenience. "And I want to pay you for the excellent care you've given me." 

     Maggie insists, "No …if you try to pay people for their kindnesses, it almost seems like you are robbing them instead of giving to them." 

 101 





     Stephen sees her point, "At least let me buy you a gift." 

     Maggie thinks about the conversation they'd had earlier in the day. Stephen would be moving out …and her life would restore to the way it had been. The distraction of caring for Stephen had done her good. Now, she would have all the empty hours to think about the losses she's had in her life. Work is like that too. She travels about these halls with many memories …much pain-filled. 

    When Maggie arrives home from work, she finds Stephen pulling a cake out of the oven. She smiles, "Puts my cake to shame …you trying to embarrass me?"

    "I hope you don't mind me helping out a little. I know you are really concerned about Olga, and thought you might want to give it another try."

    "I suppose a peace offering wouldn't hurt, especially after what happened yesterday." 

    "I saw you have a bicycle in the back, Maggie. There is still a good amount of air in the tires, and I was wondering if I could use it to do some errands tomorrow morning? You can sleep in, and I can get an early start looking into opening up that bank account …so I don't run down all your savings." 

    "You're welcome to it, but I'd be concerned whether you've recovered enough of your strength yet. I don't want you to push it too much, trying to do too much too soon."

    "I'll be careful. If I feel I'm beginning to push it too much, I'll just hop off and push it."

 102 





    Maggie is just getting up when Stephen returns. He hands her a gift-wrapped package, "It's not much, but thought you could use one. I bought one for myself too." 

    Maggie unwraps the gift. It's a phone. "Thank you, Stephen. They say it's the next best thing to being there." 

    "They say they'll have service connected by tomorrow, or the next day at the latest. My phone will really come in handy. I'm frustrated, and more than a bit concerned. I haven't been able to get in touch with Ruth. Things might not be working out with her dad again …she might not even be living at home, though it seems like she was when I called and briefly talked to her mom. And no one is answering in Seattle either. I haven't been able to reach Dad. He has an answering machine, but I couldn't leave him a number to call me back. I just left a message that I'm okay, and would be looking forward to seeing him. I'm sure Dad is doing fine, but it's Ruth I'm really worried about! I just mailed out a letter this morning. Maybe I can accomplish in a letter what I was unable to over the phone." 

    "Sounds like you've already had a busy day." 

    "I think I've found a place to stay too. I can finish up with those arrangements if I can continue to use your bicycle."

    "I never use it …go ahead. I think I'll stop in to see Olga again. Thanks again for baking that cake . And thanks again for the phone." 

 103 





    Maggie returns to the hospital to see Olga. When she enters the front lobby, she is told that she cannot bring the cake to Olga …she is on an I.V., and there general policy against it anyway. 

    The people at the front desk are happy to oblige Maggie in accepting the cake as a gift for them. She is barely out-of-sight and they begin to dig into it. 

     Maggie has to do a little digging herself. She has to check something out. She wants to check the room across from Olga's …where the screaming had come from yesterday. The voice had sounded familiar. The name on the door is a different sort of name: Khaki Mae. Though not that different perhaps …she only knows of one Olga too. 

     She wants to peek into the room, but she cannot. Several doctors and nurses are gathered inside the room. One of the nurses sees her looking towards them, "May I help you?" 

     Maggie steps just inside the doorway of Olga's room and gestures, "I'm sorry, I'm here to see my friend." She looks inside the room and sees that Olga is gone. She turns back to the nurse, "But I see she is gone." 

     The nurse is very helpful, "Olga …she just went for a few tests. She should be back shortly, if you don't mind waiting a few minutes." 

     Maggie sits down inside the room, "Thank you." 

     The team of doctors and nurses meet in the hallway, continuing their conversation. A male voice speaks first: "I've never seen such a physique before …and no steroids were found in her system." 

 104 




    The voice of the nurse that had just spoken to Maggie joins in: "When she had one of those seizures last evening, she broke both arm restraints and one of the leg restraints. Our entire staff couldn't subdue her. We had to put her under, then give her an injection." 

     Another male voice adds: "That muscle mass is simply amazing. Even with relaxed breathing, her muscles ripple throughout her entire body."

     A third male voice adds: "Simply amazing! I've never seen anything like it! She's like a wild horse. It's kind of strange, but there's a certain beauty to that untamed spirit. It really makes you wonder. I hope we get a chance to find out more about her …the real her." 

     Maggie is certain it is her! She thought she'd recognized the voice yesterday. 

    Her emotions travel in so many different directions as she waits for Olga to return. She thinks about her brother, Len …she thinks about Darin …she thinks about Olga …she thinks about Stephen …she thinks about Larry …and she thinks about Nitro Nurse.  That has to be her across the hall.

     Nitro Nurse is the one who is the most bothersome to her thoughts. She has so many mixed emotions about her. When she was on-duty, it was difficult to think of anything positive about her. But now …it is so different! It is sad the way they are looking at her, not as a person, but as in strictly medical and physiological terms. 

    The doctors and nurses disperse in different directions. Maggie is certain it is Nitro Nurse, but she still wants to see for herself. She slowly steps back into the hallway. She looks about. The hallway is clear, except way down at the end. 

 105 





    As she peers into the room, the body begins to shake, going into convulsions. Maggie panics, hollering, "She's having another seizure!" 

    Several nurses step into the hallway, hesitating as they stare at her. The nurse that had spoken to her a few moments ago, steps into the hallway. As soon as she sees Maggie, she runs to Khaki Mae's room. 

     The other nurses follow the one nurse's lead. Maggie steps out of their way. She stands in the doorway of Olga's room, shaking and sobbing. It is too difficult to watch. Even the sound of it, the riveting pain that penetrates the air, is enough to send chills throughout the entire body. The sound of the metal, lifting and slamming back to the floor. 

     What seems like forever, in witnessing someone's excruciating pain, lasts perhaps only a couple minutes. Then there is a calm …the hope for at least a temporary calm. 

     As the nurses exit the room, the entire countenance of each one provides a brief moment of realization of the exhaustion and stress-ridden nature of the job which each one rises above each day with the necessary perseverance to perform those ever so important duties. Only one emerges with the look of refreshment. She is the one who had earlier spoken with Maggie. She stops at Olga's door, "Thank you!" 

     Maggie hesitates, wanting to say thank you in return, but can't seem to find the words. Instead she finds the words that perhaps have found her, "Now that she is calm, is it possible for me to go in and pray for her?" She waits, wondering if she'd overstepped her bounds in asking. Maybe she should tell her that she was a co-worker of hers. 

 106 





   "Sure, that sounds like a wonderful idea. I don't think she has anyone. I'm a Christian too." 

    Maggie slowly enters the room. It is Nitro Nurse, just as she thought. 

    But she doesn't think of her as Nitro Nurse. She is Khaki Mae. 

    And it seems so different now. It feels sort of strange being called a Christian …she had never been spoken of that way before. But it feels rather good. 

     She doesn't know much about God, but she sees this situation out-of-control, needing the kind of assistance beyond what anyone is providing here. She kneels, somehow feeling it is the proper way to pray, though she feels it is not necessary to. 

     She had felt God heard her prayer in the restaurant the other day …and that was more or less on the run. But it feels good to be able to relax a bit and pray too. 

     She reaches to gently touch the hand dangling to the side of the bed in the restraint strap, and begins to pray, "Dear God, I don't know much about you …and I don't know much about this person here …" 

 107 





    While Maggie is praying, she has no idea that Olga is being wheeled back into her room. When she finishes her prayer, she looks up to see the Christian nurse standing in the doorway, smiling. "God bless you! I will let you know of her progress." 

    "Thank you, I'd like that." 

    "Olga has returned to her room, but I think it would be best that we let her rest. Maybe tomorrow she'll be doing better. Thank you for praying for Khaki Mae. With your visit, you've shown me what a good little servant of God you are. I will also pray for Olga. I am off tomorrow, but then I'm scheduled to work the next nine days straight …so I'm sure I'll be seeing you. Again, thank you so much. And God bless you." 

 108  

                    XXXIV.

      Stephen sees that Maggie is preoccupied. "If this is a bad time for you, you can see it another time." 

     Maggie apologizes, "Sorry, I guess I'm still not quite awake. I'd love to see your apartment." 

    Stephen's eager smile returns, "Then come on, I parked my wheels at the side of the house." 

    Maggie smiles, "You bought a car too? I have to see this! Let me guess …what kind of a car would a man of your wealth buy?" 

    Stephen lets her turn the corner of the house first. He wants to see the expression on her face. 

    She turns quickly towards him, "It's not here! Are you sure you parked it on this side of the house? If you did, then someone stole it." 

    Stephen laughs, "Against the side of the house!" 

    Maggie can't believe it! She tries to play along, gesturing with pity, "A bicycle-built-for-two? This is what you call your wheels?" 

    Stephen laughs, "Hey, be nice!" 

    Maggie obliges Stephen by getting onto the back seat. She continues to laugh as they begin their weave down the street. "I wonder what your apartment is going to look like!"

 109 





    The apartment is only a couple blocks from Maggie's house. 

    She is shocked! She knows the area well. It's the only place around that is a step down from where she lives …on her side of the tracks. 

    It is a large building that holds individual sleeping rooms. As they arrive, a man approaches them, "Stephen, I think we can begin work tomorrow. I checked, and they gave us the go ahead on renovating the place. With your generous backing of the project, it won't take long to convert the building into a mission house." 

     Maggie begins to get the picture now. He only wants a temporary place, to operate as an office while overseeing the project. Once they finish the project to his satisfaction, he will move on. 

     But it is still impressive. Stephen is content to live like the people around him …equal to their standard of living. He doesn't act superior to anyone …and she likes that. 

     Stephen shows Maggie the humble interior of his room. "It really concerns me that I can't get in touch with Dad. So I'll be flying out to Seattle tomorrow." 

    "Have you got in touch with Ruth yet?"

    "I thought it best to just leave it to the letter I wrote her. She is probably real confused about what has happened to me …I don't even understand it all. But now that you mention it, I am expecting a letter from her any day now. I'd like to leave my key with you if you don't mind picking up my mail while I'm gone …that should be the only piece of mail I receive here. The bank statements will come to your place."

 110 





   "That's not a problem …I think I can handle it." 

    "And now that you have phone service, I'll be calling you. I know you're busy with work and visiting Olga …so I'll just get a cab to the airport. I really want to thank you again for everything you've done, Maggie." 

     Maggie is still overwhelmed by everything that has happened the past couple months. But it is just as well …it keeps her busy. 

    As she approaches Olga's hospital room, she is nearly run over by an African-American with an over-exuberant smile and a readiness to share the good news, "When I checked on Khaki Mae after you left yesterday, I couldn't believe it! Well, actually I can believe it …God does work with us through prayer." 

    Maggie is eager for her to get to the good news, "What can't you believe?" 

    "Khaki Mae was smiling! So I went up to hold her hand, and she actually squeezed my hand. Then she called out the name Maggie. By the way, my name is Mary …Mary Mason. I'm sorry I didn't formally introduce myself yesterday."

     Maggie shakes her already extended hand, "My name is Maggie …Maggie Major." 

    "So she was calling out to …you? " 

    "I didn't mention it yesterday, but I used to work with her." 

    "Well, that's the good news. I'm sorry to say your friend passed away this morning …but she died with that same peaceful smile on her face." 

     Maggie is relieved that Mary doesn't ask anything about Khaki Mae's accident. 

 111 





    Maggie is eager to see how Olga is doing today. As she enters the room, she is surprised to see Olga propped up sitting in bed. 

    Maggie enters Olga's stare and walks towards her. Maggie begins to cry as she sees Olga's eyes move about. 

     Suddenly Olga smiles, "Angel food?"

     Maggie bursts into tears, "Yes …Angel food!" 

     She rushes forward to hug Olga, soaking her with tears. 

     Finally, after a long enduring hug, their eyes meet again. Olga has tears also as she whispers, "This friend of yours …he's a good boy! You've made a good choice." 

     Tears flood her vision as she hugs Olga again, "Still quick with the matchmaking! Good to see you are becoming yourself again." Maggie just continues to hug her without saying a word more. 

    Olga had said she'd made a good choice. She must have been somewhat aware the other day when Stephen had visited with her. She thinks about that. She hadn't really made a choice at all. It had not been a choice first encounter. She had volunteered to be a part of Larry's crisis. She had just been there …making herself available. Her willingness to help had been the only choice she'd made. Perhaps the choice was a bit more critical than most, but she had not initiated it. 

    Stephen, on the other hand, is making his own choices that will likely have a great impact upon the lives of others on a daily basis …such as the mission house. It's difficult to imagine what he's been involved in throughout recent years …or why someone seems to want him out of the picture.

 112 

                                                                                                                                                                                                         XXXV.

    Maggie looks at the picture above Len's bed. It is strange the way it affects her still. It seems to somehow tie together all her emotions concerning her brother. 

     She looks about the empty room. It had never been this clean while Len was living here …now she wonders if he's living at all. 

     No, she can't afford to subject her emotions to that emotional torment again. She must focus on the positive things. It was actually nice having Stephen around. It was like having a brother again. But everyone has their own family …and perhaps he will have success in locating his dad. 




    Meanwhile, Rebekkah calls …and Ruth answers the phone. 

     Rebekkah seems excited about her news, "Stephen just withdrew money from his Seattle account and opened up an account here. I have an address I'm going to check out. I'm also sending a limousine to pick up both of you again. This time we're not going to mess it up!" 

     Ruth has multiple concerns, "How's my dad doing? Has he made any improvement?" 

     She feels bad because she asks more out of fear than hopefulness, whether he's doing well. It's just that it is sort of comforting knowing he's halfway across the country …but, not for long.  Ruth knows they'll be returning back near the scene of the last ugly confrontation, in hope of finding Stephen. 

 113 




    Rebekkah hesitates, "I don't know …I haven't had time to check in on your dad. I really should be going!" 

    "I have Stephen's phone number …"

    "He called you?" 

    "No, he wrote me and left his phone number, but I didn't call. I guess I was scared. I sent him a letter to the return address. I would have let you know, but there was no way to reach you." 

    Rebekkah is so much caught up in her own thoughts, she isn't really listening to what Ruth is saying, nor considering how troubled she is about all this. She is about to end the conversation, when suddenly for some reason she asks, "What is the return address on the letter he sent you?" 

    Ruth gives Rebekkah the address and the phone number …she had memorized both. 

    Rebekkah politely thanks Ruth, telling her she will meet her at the airport tomorrow. 

   Meanwhile, Rebekkah begins tracing her route on the map spread out before her. Ruth had given her a different address than the one she already had, but they are both in close proximity to each other. She should be able to check both of them out without too much trouble. 

 114

                                                                                                                                         XXXVI.  

   Maggie tosses about all the boxes of Len's things that she had packed up while Stephen had been residing there …now returning them to their rightful spot. 

    As she kneels down to scoop up an armful for one last fling, she notices the shadowy figures watching from the doorway. 

     Maggie announces aloud, "There! Now at least the place doesn't look so empty. This is just the way Len liked it." 

     The two cats just continue to stare. Olga's cat and the one that had adopted Maggie as a stray human, seem to have drawn an alliance of a critical nature. As the outsider, Maggie addresses them, "Okay, I admit I'm a little crazy too. I thought you cats would be a little more sympathetic to that sort of thing …but I see now that you probably just think I'm simply pathetic." 

     Suddenly there is a knock at the door! Maggie first peeks through the curtain, then opens the door. She is reasonably confident she recognizes the person standing there, but is sure the person doesn't recognize her. 

    Maggie offers her a polite greeting, "May I help you?" 

 115 





    The elegant lady hesitates, not seeming to know quite what to say, "I don't quite know what to say …it may take me a few moments to gather my thoughts. Do you mind if I come in?"

    "Not at all …come right in!" Maggie is now certain she is the lady from the restaurant …whom she had slipped the note to. Perhaps the lady wants a few moments to gather her thoughts on who she wants to introduce herself as. 

     Maggie follows the lady's stare, and notices she had left the door to Len's room wide open. "I was just doing some early spring cleaning." 

    "Oh, I hope I didn't interrupt you." 

    "No, not at all …who really enjoys doing spring cleaning anyway?" 

     Maggie notices that her guest is continuing to stare at the cluttered bedroom. Hoping not to offend her elegance, "I can close the door if it bothers you." 

    "No, that's not it at all! I was just admiring the painting you have above the bed." 

     Maggie wants to get to the point of the visit, adding a bit of an edge. "I'm sorry, I've not formally introduced myself. My name is Maggie. I'm a custodial engineer …but you can just call me janitor. And you, a collector of fine art pieces perhaps?"

    "Forgive me, it was not my intent to be so forward and rude. My name is Rebekkah Lessert. I am looking for a person by the name of Stephen Tressel." 

 116 





    "So you're from the Bureau of Missing Persons? Or you are a private investigator, perhaps? I've always thought that either one of them would be an interesting occupation. But before we occupy any more of each other's time, let me make a couple things clear. The painting is not for sale. And if I perchance had a friend who was in trouble, do you think I would betray that trust by giving out information to just anyone?" 

     Rebekkah can't control her emotions, "I'm not just anyone …I'm his Mom!" She begins to cry, "But please don't tell him that! He was made to believe that I died years ago. I am so mad about that! He doesn't know I'm still alive." 

    "You say you are his mom, and you are angry because he was made to believe you were dead, but that was years ago. Why wouldn't you have cleared it up years ago? This isn't making any sense to me …and I don't believe you!" 

     This hurts Rebekkah's feelings. She wipes away her tears. "Yes, it would seem that would be the case. But you just don't understand!"

    "You're right, I don't understand!"

    "I know you know where my son is …why won't you help me?" 

    "How am I to know who is helping who? And you've yet to convince me that anything you've said is true at all." 

 117 





    Rebekkah regains her composure, wiping away the last streak of tears. "You don't believe anything I've said? Well, try this one …this is even more wild. Of all the paintings I've done, that was one of my favorites. I should never have parted with it. But now I realize why I did. Today it will serve its purpose. I was recovering from what they'd done to me …probably similar to what they'd done to Stephen. But you must have helped him escape. And I'm forever grateful to you for that. What they'd done to me was years ago …and I was in much worse shape. A friend was also there to help me recover, though it took me much longer. During my long recovery, I was visited by a sailor named MacArthur. He liked my paintings. The painting you have best depicts the way I felt. Not so much because of the pain I felt in recovering physically. It was because of the coward I am. I could have decided to get back into Stephen's life, but when I saw how well he was doing without me …well, it just didn't get any easier. I wanted to fully recover first, but that was a mistake. The longer I waited, the more difficult it became. And I became a total coward. My son believed there was no longer a Sarah Tressel …and I changed my name so there would no longer be." 

     Maggie suddenly catches on, "So you'd named your son with the same initials that you had …S.T., and that's where you came up with the signature 'Estie'. And Tressel spelled backwards is Lessert." 

     Rebekkah smiles. Maggie is a real smart girl. She had come up with that so quickly. Perhaps she would have been a good private investigator.

 118 





    Suddenly the phone rings! 

    Maggie doesn't hesitate to pick it up. It appears to be a bad connection, but she realizes it is only because Stephen is choked up with emotion, finding it difficult to speak. "Oh, Stephen, are you okay?" 

     Rebekkah listens intently to the conversation, but only hears what Maggie is saying over the phone. But she is convinced that Maggie believes her now, and will share with her the other half of the conversation. She can only hope that Maggie will honor her wishes and not tell Stephen. 

     She is confident that her secret will not be shared, at least at this time. It sounds like Stephen already has enough burden for the day. 

    "Oh, I'm so sorry." Maggie doesn't know what more to say. 

     Only Maggie can hear Stephen's part of the conversation. Stephen's dad had passed away over a year and a half ago. That must have been right after Stephen had disappeared. His heart must have given way. 

     Rebekkah just listens as Maggie's heart goes out to him. Rebekkah is getting tense. She doesn't know quite what to make of the conversation. Maggie's half of the conversation is not revealing much. It appears that something has happened …and she has no idea where he is. She had checked out the other address before coming to Maggie's door. If he isn't at either of the addresses, where in the world is he?

 119 




    Maggie wipes a tear from her eye, "I'm sure this is all confusing to Ruth too. A letter from her came yesterday." 

    Rebekkah hopes the conversation ends soon, so she can ask Maggie where Stephen is at, and what had happened.

    "That's sort of private …don't you want to read it for yourself when you …are you coming back here? You are going to finalize the plans for the mission house, aren't you?" Maggie tries to hide her tears by resting her head against her hand. 

     She shares in feeling Stephen's grief. Stephen says he doesn't know what he's going to do. But he says it's going to drive him crazy wondering what Ruth wrote. 

    "Okay, Stephen, I'll get the letter if you really want me to open it and read it to you." 

    Rebekkah remains silent. She wants to know what has happened and where Stephen is, but she will have to wait until they are off the phone. 

    Maggie opens the letter and reads it aloud, over the phone: "Dear Stephen ...The love I've always had for you … I'd thought God allowed it to slip away from me. It would've been beyond any imagination to believe that the death I so greatly grieved over was not truly a death …yet we know that if you had died, it would not be an actual death, but the fullness of life …eternal. But for those of us who await finding meaning in the life God provides here on earth, we must continue to believe that God's purpose for each of us is not to join death while we still live." 

 120 





    Maggie takes a deep breath. This has been a personal struggle for her. But though she is rather new with this Christian stuff, she finds great truth and much understanding in what Ruth is sharing with Stephen. 

     Maggie continues to read over the phone: "As difficult as it is, I know God wants me to take His love and journey into whatever area presently planned out for me. God's rightful and true purpose is for us to carry His love wherever we must travel, not for the purpose of preserving it for our eventual destination with Him, but to be dispensed along the way. Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith …living out each page that's been written for us. And yes, there were many chapters that contained the love we shared, Stephen. We had reached the point where the very next page would have begun to describe our very commitment of that love through marriage. But that page was crumpled …and a new page was entered. We both expected it to be entitled, 'Celebration', but instead the page bore the title, ' Unimaginable Grief '. I could not read that chapter, but it was read to me. I tried to block my ears, but it was read loudly …even through the night, though I would not have been able to sleep anyway. But God doesn't want us to stop reading the book. He is eagerly awaiting us to read through it to the next chapter. Instead of joining you in marriage, my commitment was to be to another. And that person gave me a child …the next chapter of my life." 

 121 





    Rebekkah can't believe what she had just heard! Ruth appears to be writing Stephen out of her life. Rebekkah can't imagine that Stephen imagines what she knows. He is probably taking it for face value. But she knows better …she knows that Ruth's commitment to another is really God. And the person that gave her a child through the miracle of birth, is that same person …the Person of God. 

     Maggie continues to read onto the third page of the letter: "The thing about having a child …is that when the child is born, every additional chapter title no longer references me. I am still a significant character in the story, but I am now spoken of in reference to the present standing I have with my child. That does not make me void of feelings towards others …I feel extreme sorrow for the terrible pain you've had to endure. But I am happy that you are alive and are able to see yourself move on to another chapter. And as God has brought things about in my life, I will pray that you have even better things come your way. I am certain you will give glory to Him in all things, being a wonderful testimony and fulfilling the purpose He has surely brought to you with this renewed life. God bless you with His abundant love. Eternally, your friend ...Ruth." 

     Rebekkah will have a word or two with Ruth. She imagines how heavy Stephen's heart must be at this moment …hearing this from Ruth. She can't imagine what else is presently compounding Stephen's problems at this time …but it certainly isn't making it easier on him, hearing that Ruth had hung up on their relationship. 

 122 





    As Maggie concludes the call, and hangs up the phone, Rebekkah can barely contain herself, "What is going on! Where is he?" 

     It is all too overwhelming to Maggie. She looks away from Rebekkah, "He's in Seattle …and he just found out that his dad is dead."

 123 

      XXXVII.

     Rebekkah rushes back to her apartment and calls the only person she feels she can trust at this moment, "George, Stephen is in Seattle …and he found out that Pastor John died. I'm worried about him, George. You have to find him! It shouldn't be difficult to find him. I'm sure he will make another trip to the cemetery. I don't even want to imagine what he thought when he saw his name on the gravestone too." 

     George picks up a letter he had placed near the phone, "I'll get right on it …but I want to mention one thing before I leave. I have a letter here for you. I don't know what to make of it. Where there is usually a return address, there is only a name …Ola Feeb." 

     "I don't know any Ola! I can't stand this! Haven't I had enough of this for one day?" She knows he has no idea what she's talking about. "Okay, hurry up and open it!" 

 George reads: "Dear Sarah Tressel …or would you prefer to be called Rebekkah Lessert? You may think I'm an animal …but I think you all are animals too. The difference is, you are sheep and I am a lion. You are weak by your dependence upon emotion, and the value you place upon the animals that are just like you. But as a lion, I do as I please. Do you know why? Because strength does not come from mere wealth. I am strong and I am cunning …and I survive." 

 124 

Rebekkah feels the anger begin to rise up within her. This letter sounds like it's from Roy, but it can't be …it's too soon of a recovery for that to be possible. 

     George continues to read: "I do what I do because I can! Though it was not always that way. When I was young, my mom died. I was placed in a mental institution, through circumstances much like Ruth had gone through. The things that were done to me in that institution still horrify me. I was in shock for weeks, with no real desire to live. But I had to make up my mind how I wanted the rest of my life to be. I decided I wanted to live, not die. That's when I became strong. You think what I've done to Stephen is bad? I was conscious when they did it to me! At least your son wasn't aware of what happened to him. But I wanted to see what it would be like if I could only separate myself from what had been done to me. I became those who'd done the things to me …and at the same time, I became the one they were doing it to. I became Stephen for that brief moment. When I put myself in Stephen's place, I was able to feel his pain at that time. And I was also able to imagine that it was happening to him …and not me. In professional terms, that's called transference. I was able to distance myself from what was happening …from what had happened to me. You may think this is strange, but in a way, I thank your son for my healing. But you don't have to thank him for me. It will probably not do him any good to imagine the horride details ...he will live with it the rest of his life, just like will have to.  He just need not know how, or why.  I just want you to know, Sarah!" 

 125 






     Rebekkah almost drops the phone as George continues to read this horror story: "What is it that I want you to know? Basically, two things …the first of which I've already told you. I wanted to tell you that Stephen was not conscious when it happened to him …that was the first thing. The second thing I want to tell you is something you've probably already have begun to figure out.  At this time I hope I've made it clear that Ruth's child can in no way be my child. But, now I believe you are making the connection …with the syringe I left, and that little sanitary bag with the double gift, you know how Ruth was impregnated.  Yes, horrifically, you've guessed it ...Ruth's child is also Stephen's.  Now that should not be too difficult for you to imagine if you just recall what I was employed to do in Montana. Actually, it's much simpler with humans. You must have figured out that he was with me that day. But he was unconscious, and no one except you, me, and Odelle need to know. Of course, Stephen knows ...but, he'd be embarrassed if he felt anyone else knew. It can be our little secret ...mine, Odelle's, Stephen's, and yours.  I know you like secrets, Sarah. I'm sure Stephen has no clue he has a child. And no need to thank me for allowing you a grandchild …it was my pleasure.  It will be your last!  Actually, I'd like to meet that grandson some day ...seeing as I had a hand in it.  Stephen and I are alike in the way that neither of us can ever have children again.  Yet, I admit he and I are much different.  Though I was soon going to be an adult, my parents felt I should be deprived of certain things ..such as my promiscuity.  You probably feel Sephen didn't deserve what happened to him ...such a good Christian boy.  But, I'm sure you will provide Ruth's child with a good Christian home. It's really remarkable how you came about getting that little boy back. It would almost cause me to believe in your God, the way things have been working out for you. But I also know you are inclined to think the way I do. I know the rage you feel …and what you'd like to do to me, if you could. So consider this, Sarah …I am no more of an animal than you are. I am just more cunning. And you will never catch me! I am a lion …hear me roar! Best wishes to you, by the hand of Beefalo." 

 126 






     Rebekkah is furious! She clenches her fist around the phone. "You have to find Stephen, George! Tell him you have to work out the details with some financial matters …and don't leave his side! I don't want him alone! If he decides to fly back here, fly with him …I don't want you to leave his side. Please hurry, George!" 

     Beefalo is right …she does want to get him in the worst way. He thinks he's untouchable. Well, maybe what he considers his strength will be his weakness. What would be considered honorable may be his weakness.  Perhaps the only honorable thing about him …but, it seems he likes to stick with one assistant, one woman. If only Rebekkah can only find Odelle, she'd be able to find him. 

    She has a fairly good description of Odelle from Genny and Ruth, but no one can give a description of him. The last he was seen was in Montana. But he was keeping company at that time with ranchers …who were more adept at describing cattle. The ranchers had not been able to give any distinguishable characteristics. They'd described him as wearing a large brown hat and high brown boots …not seeming to like cow manure much. All he'd have to do is change his clothes and they wouldn't recognize him. 

     Rebekkah is so frustrated! He'd probably walked right under her nose too. This Beefalo character might have even been on the elevator with her. It's not just frustrating …it's infuriating! 

    Yes, it's happening again! Her anger is getting the best of her.

 127 





    Seeing the likes of Roy and what he's done to destroy the lives of his family, not to mention the unknown terror he's assuredly caused countless others …and now this letter from Beefalo; has once again invited those thoughts that rise up from the depths of temptation that can only be categorized as unrestrained anger. More politely, they can be called irrational thoughts, but they had begun as rational …just without any foreseeable avenue for expression. 

     Rebekkah's Doctor simply had called it anger. And it was returning now with a vengeance. She tries to fight it, but it is stronger than she is. She will not resort to the drugs again. She had resolved that. But what else is there? To become just like them? 

     She could play the game their way and by their rules. She could play it better than them …she knows she could! 

     What is it that her Doctor told her to do? Simply write down her feelings …could it be that simple? That would hardly seem sufficient. Wouldn't that be merely suppressing her own feelings concerning the issue, without doing anything to curb the constant, day after day, torment caused by the unsuccessful practice of tolerance in areas where tolerance should not be practiced? 

 128 






     Rebekkah picks up paper and pen. She will tell the Doctor she at least tried. She will write a story about the place she feels she is headed for if she does not manage her feelings. 

    Rebekkah writes: 

     The place is Thelona. Many people visit here, but only two types of people actually live in Thelona. 
     One type are the Ist people. They have many visitors whose names are seldom spoken, only their highly esteemed titles which all end in "ist". 
     The other type are the Enji people. All of the Enji people see everything the same way …and they all have the same middle initial, "R", because of who they are. And they all have the same last name of "Eye" …so they can see things through the same eye, the same way, of course. There is only a slight variation in their first names, but you can clearly distinguish each of them from the Ist people by the similar ring of the names bestowed upon them: Benji, Denji, Menji, Penji, Senji …all highly respected and direct descendants of the great, great Grandmother of them all, Enji R. Eye. 
     Indeed, it appears their deeds are overlooked, and it appears to be a very happy place, with much easy living. 
    Thelona …sweet Thelona! ---The Highly Esteemed Land Of No Accountability. 

    Rebekkah knows she has enough affluence and influence to go there, but she decides she doesn't really want to. She speaks aloud her affirmation, "I am not an animal …I do not want to roar! I was created a woman. And I am a child of God!" 

     She opens her Bible to a marked section which she often visits. She reads aloud: "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord." 

                                                                                               129    

                                                                                                                                                                             XXXVIII.

   George is getting rather uneasy. He doesn't want to disappoint Rebekkah. There is no telling whether Stephen has been to the gravesite, or how long it will be until he pays a return visit. 

   George is rather tired, but he can't afford to fall asleep and miss Stephen. So he just sits in his car at the cemetery and waits. 

    Meanwhile, Stephen is having a very difficult time dealing with the loss of Pastor John. He had already visited the cemetery. He was rather taken aback by it …the stone also listing his own death. 

     Through many tears, he decides to travel back through the many and varied memories attached to this area. He walks the old route he used to travel as a young boy from his old school, past the hospital where he'd last seen his Mom, and on to Ruth's old schoolyard. 

     He walks to the corner of the schoolyard at the break in the fence. The remnants of old dead vines are entangled on the fence. They are very brittle to the touch. Stephen wonders what had been growing there. And knotted on one small section of the fence is a single strand of yellow ribbon. 

     As he walks further down along the fence, he sees a length of yellow ribbon amongst the leaves at the base of the fence. Though the ribbon had been likely torn loose from the fence by a possible passerby, the yellow ribbon still appears to be in rather good shape. He salvages both the ribbon and the memory by placing it in his pocket. 

 130



XXXIX.

    Olga is asleep. She is now in a double room. She had been doing better, and what a blessed reunion she and Maggie had shared the other day. But the nurse said she was not having a good day today. 

     Often when someone is doing very poorly and you fear they are going to die, they suddenly make tremendous improvement …and you get your hopes up, thinking all will be well again. Then they slip back again, not lasting long after that. Maggie hopes this is not the case with Olga. 

     She sits in the corner of the room with her own eyes shut, praying for Olga and seeking out not only God's love, but His Will as well. He can heal Olga and that is her prayer, but why is it that God so often chooses to allow us to get our hopes up, thinking He has answered our prayer …only for us to later find out that He is going to let them die? 

 131 





    She is not questioning God's decisions …she is just pondering His reasons, for the purpose of seeking out understanding. And as she ponders these very questions, she thanks God for the moment that God had allowed her to get her hopes up …because it served as a tremendous opportunity to make amends. 

     She had felt guilty about not seeing this wonderful person who had shown her new meaning and purpose in life. She had wanted to thank her again …and she had been provided that opportunity with Olga. 

     Two people begin talking on the other side of the curtain. A male voice with an accent speaks first, "I know this is your Mom …the person who has lovingly cared for you …your entire life. And I know she always made sure you got the best, so it's only natural that you want the same for her. But I'm the fifth Doctor you've gone through. I can't guarantee I'm the best …those other Doctors are as competent as I am." 

     The daughter's voice reflects her panic mode, "I just don't know about this!" The Doctor remains calm, "Let me tell you a story …" 

     Maggie listens as the story is told. 

 132 





    "There once was a woman who called up her Doctor to report to him that she had a headache. The Doctor said, "I can't diagnose you over the phone, you'll have to come in." When the Doctor got around to seeing her, he said, "So, what seems to be the problem?" To which the woman replies, "My foot hurts!" The Doctor looks at the nurse's initial assessment and hesitates before replying, "Well, that requires a specialist, I'll have to send you to a podiatrist." When the woman gets to the podiatrist, the podiatrist asks, "What appears to be the problem?" The woman simply replies, "My back hurts!" The Doctor looks over the referral sheet, then responds, "You should see a back specialist. I'll refer you to one." The woman is then seen by the back specialist who inquires, "What seems to be the problem?" The woman lifts her hand to her forehead, "I have a headache!" And the reply she gets in return is, "You should see your regular Doctor about that." The woman then returns to her regular Doctor, who glances over his clipboard, "What seems to be the problem?" Once again her reply is, "My foot hurts!" Her Doctor explains, "I've talked with the other Doctors that you were referred to. We all agree that you have to make up your mind. You say you have pain …now is it foot, back, or head?" The woman thinks for a second, "I don't know!" The Doctor questions her, "Well, did you have the pain before?" She replies, "Yes." He asks, "Do you have it now?" Again she replies, "Yes." He offers, "Well, then it's back!"

 133 





    The daughter finds no humor nor feels she benefits any insight as a result of the story. "Maybe I should take Mom to another hospital!" 

     The Doctor tells her directly, "I do not believe that would be in your Mom's best interest to move her at this time. It may be detrimental to her health. I believe the same as the other Doctors, that without the operation, your mom will die. And no matter how painful I feel that is for you to hear, I cannot avoid telling you that. As a Doctor, I must tell you what I believe to be the truth. If you call a horse a cow …and every time you see a horse, you call it a cow, then the horse may be a cow to you …but the fact remains, it is still a horse. Do you know what day that makes today?" 

    The daughter does not respond. Maggie hears sobbing. She cannot answer that question either. She wonders what a horse not being a cow has to do with what day today is. 

     The Doctor explains, "Today is Friday! But not just any Friday, most people call it Good Friday. Do you know what that means to most people in the world? Nothing!" 

     The daughter suddenly speaks through her tears, with determination of expressing her convictions, "Today we pay special recognition of what Jesus has done for us on the cross. And whether people choose to believe that or not, it does not change the fact that Jesus did die for our sins." 

     Suddenly, she realizes what she'd been denying, "Go ahead and do the surgery! I know now what you've been trying to tell me. It's in God's hands. I know Mom believes the same as I do, it's just so hard! I'm really sorry for being so difficult." 

                                                                     134                  




                                                   XL.

     "Sin is like that too. It is not usually looked at as a form of sickness, but actually it's the absolute worst kind …and the denial of it won't help us get any better. Yet it would be difficult to put forth any real commitment towards something you don't believe in." That was the part of the Good Friday message that impacted Rebekkah the most. 

     Stephen and George had arrived in Old Town yesterday morning. They had attended the same church service, but Rebekkah had made sure she remained unnoticed in back. And that's what came to bother her the most about the message. She continues to try to remain unnoticed …and she has continually avoided showing any real commitment towards her own son, whom she claims in her heart that she believes in. 

     She has been denying her own fears, and not allowing God to work out the difficult details in her life. She has to get a grip on herself.  Genny and Ruth will be arriving this afternoon. 

    Rebekkah looks for the taxi. She will not have a limousine draw attention to them in this area. 

    Genny and Ruth are rather perplexed by the mode of transportation Rebekkah has provided. A limousine had picked them up to take them to the airport in Michigan …but now, a taxi? And it is taking them to a run-down section of Old Town. 

     Maybe there has been a mistake, and perhaps it has been deliberate. This could be the beginning of trouble. This could be the doing of Roy's men. 

 135 





    The taxi pulls into a cramped section of parking at the first of two apartment buildings on this block. This certainly must be a mistake! 

     Fear begins to make its way, as they turn to each other with a worried expression on each of their faces. 

    Rebekkah approaches the cab driver, and pays him handsomely. This seems so unlike her! Rebekkah has always made sure she has the best for herself and those around her. But Genny and Ruth do not question her. They just follow as Rebekkah takes the stairs to the top floor. 

    Rebekkah keys the door to an old dingy apartment. There is only one bed, but two fold-out cots lean against the wall, looking to be newly purchased. Rebekkah has said nothing …since having greeted them upon bidding farewell to the taxi. 

     She walks directly to the window, and just stands there with her back to them. Ruth and Genny can't figure it out. Perhaps she is under so much stress and feeling so overly depressed that she had decided to move to this depressed area of town. 

     Ruth and Genny move to each side of her to offer support. They wonder what, if anything, she is looking at. The only person out there is someone walking down the left side of the street, carrying a rather large plant. 

     Ruth has a flashback! She painfully recalls what had happened to her when she had last delivered a plant. She joins Rebekkah, staring in silence. 

                                                 136                       


                                           XLI.

    "Each day there seems to emerge fresh and new distortions of the faith ..we simply can't keep up." 

    "Tomorrow we celebrate the resurrection. How much of a mixed view does that create? There are many present day Sadducees …that make it rather sad, you see. But what could be sadder than the growth of secular humanism?" 

    "What disturbs me more is what I've referred to as secular Christianity and Christian humanism."

    "Boy, you sure can come up with some different stuff, Stephen!"

    "I refer to Christian humanism as a way of thinking which reasons that since God understands my feelings, He therefore knows how I am. And since He is foremost a God of love, then most everything aside from extreme wrongs, can be overlooked and excused. Since the Holy Spirit deals with each of us in His own time, we merely have to accept the fact that perhaps each person is on a different level and has a different rate of growth …but even more significant is the fact that God may be leading in an area beyond my comprehension, granting each person their own exclusive direction that others may not fathom to understand. But what all should understand is, there are troubles in the faith. And what can be said of distortions of the faith …can be clearly labeled not as disputes of the person's individual faith, but of truth itself. The danger is in the attractiveness of presenting some truth or even much truth …but there is also enough error to have leavened the whole lump." 

 137 





   "I hope your next explanation isn't as exhaustive as that one."

    "Sorry, but I'll try not to disappoint you on that note." Stephen laughs, "It may be shorter if I fail to remember what my second category is. Oh yes, secular Christianity would also base our faith upon, with much considered significance of the feelings of everyone else, the ability to create a general overall feeling of well-being …of open arms and acceptance of everyone, based upon God's love and the preservation of that which is all good. Yet, there somehow emerges from all that good …a great divide, of what we could call legalism verses liberalism. It is difficult to imagine how one group is labeled by accusing it of labeling others. And the other group is debatable at best. How can a line be drawn without errantly categorizing the person standing next to the line as being that significantly different from the one standing next in line, just over the line? Of course, that is the game of politics, not merely labeling people as conservative or liberals, but with much discourse over that which is in-between. To make it simple, one group can be labeled as legalistic and without hesitation can be grouped right there along with the Pharisees, whether or not it is fair, you see. The other group holds fast against the ideas of homosexuality and abortion as their defense against being labeled liberals. And they will actually call themselves conservatives, hiding behind their liberal ways." 

    "Do you know what is really scary? I think I actually followed most of what you just said, Stephen." 

 138 





    As Maggie approaches the door, she sees that it's open. 

    Stephen and another male voice are talking. But Stephen is doing almost all the talking. "What I mean by conservatives hiding behind liberal ways is probably best brought out through what we read of the tribe of Benjamin, in the end of the Book of Judges. It mentions the sin of that tribe, of beloved Benjamin. And it was a sin of not wanting to deal with that which was within their midst. Those who were recognized throughout the land as God's people, had allowed themselves to go astray. And finally, after being confronted with a problem they could not ignore, they had tried to deal with the problem as if it were their own problem, not foremost acknowledging that the sin had found what it needed to flourish through the idea that everyone should do what he feels is right in his own eyes. By ignoring sin, layers of calluses bring on a numbness, eventually becoming more hardened and insensitive in that area and perhaps even apathetic. But when faced with the obvious intolerable consequences of it, many lament over the present evil inflicted upon them. But they will not stand against the evil that brings on the evil, nor will they acknowledge it. They will only address the infliction. Worse yet, is when we attempt to deal with the raging infliction upon us without truly acknowledging the good that stands against the evil, nor the source of the good." 

 139 





    Maggie has had no difficulty recognizing evil and she knows that all good comes from God. But she does not feel a part of this conversation. The recent events in her life did not test a faith she was yet to have …the events built her faith. 

    But she cannot relate to this kind of conversation. She walks back down the hallway towards the stairwell, but as she reaches the exit, Stephen calls out to her, "Maggie, is that you?" 

     She turns around. Stephen is standing in the hallway outside his door. She stumbles at her words, "I heard you had company …I figure I can come back another time." 

    "No, I'd like to introduce you to George. He's been the family's financial advisor for years. I've got lots to learn, and he's been kind enough to join me here until I finish the mission house." 

     After the formal introductions, George says he's going to retreat to his room across the hall to get a little rest. 

     Maggie sets the plant on Stephen's table, "I've got to leave too. I have to get ready for work soon. I just thought I'd drop by a little housewarming gift." 

    "That was nice. Thank you!"

    "And I'm sorry about your Dad."

    "Thanks for understanding what I'm going through. I've never been as close to anyone as I was to Pastor John. He adopted me after my biological dad died. I have some photos of the two of us that I brought back with me. I'd like to show them to you sometime when you have more time." 

 140 





   "Sure, I'd like that. Do you have any photos of your Mom? I'd like to see them too." 

    "No, my biological dad had plans to re-marry after Mom died. He said after Mom died that it was too painful to keep the pictures of the two of them. I don't really remember what she looked like, I just remember her kindness."

    "Yes, I guess you don't really look like yourself when you're in a hospital bed. I can scarcely tell that it's Olga when I visit her lately. Well, I've got to go …I just thought I'd bring the plant by." 

    "I want to thank you, Maggie, not only for the plant, but for everything you've done. I'm so very grateful! But I have to ask one more thing before you go …could you tell me how to care for the plant? I've never been very good with plants."

    "It will pretty much take care of itself. Just water it when you think of me …the plant will be grateful!" 


                                             141                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      XLII.

     She does not answer immediately, having been confronted by Rebekkah over the letter she had written Stephen. 

     Ruth has had a lifetime of this sort of confrontation, but she chooses not to respond in kind …only in kindness, "I didn't lie to your son." 

    "Your commitment was to be to another …and that person gave you a child? I know what that meant, but do you think Stephen did? You didn't lie, but do you think you perhaps misled him?" 

    Ruth says nothing. 

    Rebekkah hesitates. She realizes she has no right to confront Ruth, considering her own failures with her son. She speaks less harshly this time, "He needs you …especially now!" 

    Ruth looks into her eyes. She knows Rebekkah means well …and that she's frustrated, knowing she could be there for her son too. Ruth speaks softly, "I pray everyone will understand." 

    Rebekkah attempts to restrain her emotions and avoid a harsh tone, "Understand what?" 

 142 





    Rebekkah knows her own failures …the reason why she is so intense with her expectations of Ruth. She actually wants Ruth to fill-in where she has failed. And she waits for Ruth to tell her that. 

    Ruth chooses her words, "How about we consider all the things that have happened to Stephen the past couple years …that which we know has happened, and all that we don't know about. You say I misled him …but what about all the things I led him into?" 

    Rebekkah has nothing more to say. They both are choosing not to be a part of Stephen's life, but Ruth's decision is more honorable. They are both afraid, but she is afraid of rejection …while Ruth is afraid for Stephen's life. 

    Genny doesn't hesitate to jump in at this point, "Yes, what if Roy gets well …that will not be well for us, nor will it be well for your son!" 

     Rebekkah and Ruth remain silent. They already understand each other, but Genny is still bursting with her thoughts. "Stephen was supposed to be her savior …from that dreaded trap we both were unable to escape from. But who would've expected it to lead him into a trap …his own trap? And do you think Ruth would have ever given up her own child if she had not feared it would trap her too? We have all given up more than we should have to bear. But we have to admit we can't help each other …other than helping each other to understand the fact that we really have no one to save us, no one …except Jesus." 

 143 





   Rebekkah and Ruth continue to say nothing as Genny sighs deeply, "I was reading the third chapter of the Book of Daniel, about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego …and how they answered the king, Nebuchadnezzar. It reminded me of our situation. Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the fiery anger of the much feared Viceroy, but if He chooses not to and we die …at least we will be spared the unending babble of his hateful voice!" 

     Rebekkah apologizes, "I am so sorry …I said I was going to check on Roy, but I haven't. I have no idea how he's doing!" 

     Genny insists, "That's okay, I'll call. I can understand how you've been kind of overwhelmed with your own concerns …finally locating your son and making sure you don't lose him again." 

    Genny dials the number and waits patiently as they transfer her to his floor. "Hi, this is Genny Razohn. My husband Roy …" 

    Genny hangs up the phone after listening to their report, then reporting to Rebekkah and Ruth, "They said Roy left a couple days ago, against their medical advice." 

    Genny crosses her hands across her chest, just beneath her throat. She gasps just once, then collapses.                                         

                                             144                                                               


                             XLIII.
    Maggie collapses across her bed. She is tired, yet unable to sleep. It is late Saturday evening. She reaches for her Bible. She's had one for years, but has never read it up until now. Last evening she had just finished Chapter nineteen of the first book, Genesis. But her interest now is the end of the Book of Judges, which Stephen made mention of earlier in the day …and she turns to that section. 

     As she reads, she finds a rather disturbing parallel between what she had read in Genesis and what she is reading now. Both events described are extremely disturbing. But the difficult thing to understand is how God's people draw such close similarity to the behavior of those in Sodom and Gomorrah! 

     Yesterday, she had found it rather uninteresting and quite confusing what Stephen had been talking about …but today, after opening the Bible, she feels she actually has begun to understand part of what was said the day before. 

     Stephen had invited her to join him for church on this special day …tomorrow. But, between visiting Olga and being at work, she had not made it to any Good Friday service.  She did agreed to join him in the morning though. She had better attempt again to get some sleep.

                                                            145          





                                      XLIV.  


     Rebekkah can't think clearly. She is always so organized, but she can't seem to keep a thing straight. She fears her mistakes may cause someone harm. 

     Last evening it appeared that Genny had a heart attack. Rebekkah had called for an ambulance to take Genny to Mercy Hospital. Ruth began to panic at that time, and she fainted. After Rebekkah was able to revive her, Ruth began vomiting. 

     That's where the guilt came in. She should have sent the two of them to Mercy Hospital, but she wanted Ruth by her side. Somehow she agreed with the fears expressed earlier …about how unsafe it was with Roy back on the loose. And she felt that though Genny needed to get to a hospital immediately, Ruth would be okay. 

     Rebekkah admits to herself that she had made that decision because she felt Ruth would be safer with her and didn't want to let her out of her sight. She still has high hopes for her son and Ruth getting together. And the reason she had rented this stingy apartment was so she could keep an eye on the comings and goings of her son and to be near, in case George calls. 

 146 

    Now it is early Sunday morning, and she begins to realize the extent of some of her mistakes. She can't afford to have Ruth oppose her …and Ruth would want to make sure her Mom is safe, before acting on any consideration for herself. 

    Rebekkah calls an agency that will supply a couple guards to sit outside of Genny's room, to guarantee her safety. Then she calls George. 

    "Ruth is real sick and I'm going to continue to stay with her. Genny also got sick last evening …we think it may have been a heart attack. She's okay for the moment, but to guarantee her full safety, I hired a couple guards to sit outside her door at Mercy Hospital. I'd like you to look in on them to make sure they're doing their job. And make up some reason why Genny and Ruth are back in town. Tell Stephen that Ruth's Mom is in the hospital. When there's an opportunity for any kindness, he will leap at it. I'm sure he will go with you to visit her. And tell him that Ruth is sick and can't make it to the hospital, but would like prayer for her Mom and herself." 

     As soon as George hangs up the phone with Rebekkah, he walks across the hall to explain the change in plans to Stephen, "Ruth's dad has been here on business …and he has had to have some serious surgery. As you would expect, his wife and daughter are back here to be with him. But meanwhile, Ruth's Mom had a heart attack and has been taken to Mercy Hospital." 

     As expected, Stephen offers, "I'll go with you." 

 147 

    Stephen calls Maggie to tell her that he won't be going to the Resurrection Day service with her this morning. 

    Maggie agrees that visiting Genny at the hospital is a priority. She asks if she can come to the hospital with him …adding that she will probably go to General Hospital afterwards to see Olga too. And that is agreed upon.

    When they get to the hospital, Maggie begins to feel awkward. She doesn't belong here. 

     Maggie decides to stay in the hallway with the two guards. She listens as George and Stephen enter the room. 

     She hears, "Oh, Stephen, I'm so glad you're here. I wish Ruth …" 

     Then there is silence. 

     Suddenly a great rushing of nurses sprint down the hallway. 

    George and Stephen step out of the room, Stephen speaking, "I guess the excitement was too much for her heart. We had to get out of the way, so the nurses can tend to her." 

     Several nurses leave the room. One nurse stops, "She'll be okay, she just needs to rest." 

    As Stephen and George talk to the guards, Maggie paces about. She notices a certain large man in a hospital gown also pacing about, having now passed by for the fifth time. She knows that walking is the best thing to do soon after surgery. 

    In the room adjacent to Genny's, the bed is neatly made. Maggie hopes that Genny's bed will not soon be made neatly. It is doubtful that they couldn't fill the bed. It is probably waiting to be reassigned from someone who didn't make it through surgery. 

148 

    The man in the hospital gown walks by for the sixth time. Strangely, he is not walking with an I.V. post. Perhaps he is awaiting surgery. 

     Suddenly, the man glances up, and heads into the adjacent room. Maggie steps just as quickly to see what he is about to do. 

     He enters the bathroom which adjoins both rooms, as if having to relieve himself quickly …but Maggie sees it differently as she tackles him to the ground from behind. 

     A nurse and one of the guards rush into the room. The nurse unsuccessfully tries to pry Maggie off the man. George comes into view just in time to see the guard reach down and pick up a gun. 

    George pulls the nurse off Maggie, and points to the gun in the guard's hand. He whispers something to the nurse, and she leaves. 

     Maggie doesn't know if she understands, but she lets the moment guide her. She pretends she is a nurse. The man hadn't seen her, and most certainly would not guess a woman had tackled him. "Guard, escort that crazy man out of here!" 

   Maggie points at George, and the guard plays right along, grabbing George by the arm and escorting him out. 

   "I think that crazy man might have busted this poor patient's ribs. We need to take him to X-ray." Maggie grabs Genny's wheelchair and assists the man in getting up, then into the wheelchair, lifting his feet onto the foot supports. 

     She quickly wheels him onto the elevator, then off of the elevator to the ground floor. 

 149 




    As soon as the man sees the exit, he leaps out of the wheelchair, and runs out of the hospital in his hospital gown. It looks funny, but she will have to laugh later …this is serious trouble brewing. 

    George, Stephen, and the guard are parked just outside the exit, waiting for Maggie. She hops in the car as they all keep an eye on the one that the man hops into. 

    They are surprised how easy it is to follow the man. But eventually they are even more surprised. He leads them to the back of Stephen and George's apartment building!?! 

    Roy must have been waiting for him. As the man steps out of his car in a hospital gown, Roy hits him with a fist, and slams him against his car. 

    George knows what is happening. Though the man is bigger than Roy, he does not resist. He takes the abuse because he will most likely die if he doesn't. 

    Suddenly, Roy turns around and looks right at their car, now knowing the man had been followed. 

    He grabs the man again …but then grabs his own head, dropping to the ground. 

    He does not move. 

    The four of them get out of their car and just stand there, not knowing what to do, or say. They watch as the man in the hospital gown takes off, not his clothes, but in his car. 

    It is George who acts first, after what had seemed like an endless couple minutes. He runs inside the apartment building to call an ambulance. They wait for the ambulance whose personnel spring into action. "Let's take him to Mercy Hospital." 

 150 





     Stephen looks to Maggie, "Why do you suppose they are taking him to Mercy Hospital when General Hospital is only a couple blocks away?" 

   "Because he was wearing a suit. Mercy is a better hospital, and they don't want to risk a suit by sending him to General." 

     Maggie sighs, "Well, we've done all we can do here. I'm going to General to see Olga." 

     Stephen looks towards Maggie with admiration, "I'll go with you. Just tell me one thing …how did you know?" 

    "I recognized him as the same man who had the gun at the restaurant that time." 

     George is quick to respond, "I'll go with you both, if you let me run in and make one more phone call." 

    George quickly explains over the phone what had happened.

   "What! They're taking Roy to Mercy? Are we going to make it that easy for him …to be able to walk right down the hall and get to his wife?" Once again, it makes for an unhappy Rebekkah. 

    George tries not to disappoint further, "I'll get over there, right away …to make sure nothing happens!"

   "No! You stay with Stephen! Ruth is feeling much better …and she wants to see her Mom. We're going to leave right now."


                                                         151                   


                                                 XLV.  

     Olga is still not doing well. She is asleep most of the time, and only opens her eyes for short intervals. She nods and smiles, then closes her eyes again. 

     At least she is showing some signs of recognition, acknowledging that they are there, and perhaps feeling good about it. Maggie is sure Olga is aware of her presence. 

     It's not like with a newborn …where the parents say their baby smiled, while others dismiss it as gas. Maggie sits beside her and holds her hand, while George and Stephen talk mostly of Genny and Ruth. 

     The conversation changes somewhat as George asks a question that is also of interest to Maggie, "So, Stephen …what are your long-term plans?"

     Stephen has a ready answer, obviously having given it much thought, "I want to share the gospel. There are so many ways to do that …I just have to pray the Lord will make it clear. I guess I would like to go to the mission field, at least for a time. But the mission field could be here too." 

     George questions, "You mean, here in the hospital, like what we're doing now?" 

 152 




   "Well, yes, it could be …but it could be in any number of areas. I'd also like to work to help minimize the intolerance in our country. I find it very curious that we can practice extreme tolerance in working with people in the mission field that we want to reach. We go to another country, and we have the patience of a saint in working with these different cultures …yet we often struggle greatly with our neighbors and often find less tolerance for our brothers and sisters in the faith. Not to minimize the struggles that do take place, I do realize the often intense wars that are raged, while lacking true authority. Like what we discussed the other day, we don't want to fall into the mistakes we read about in the Book of Judges. There are so many who feel they have the saving graces of God, so dismiss any further thought aimed at evaluating their everyday life." 

   "But you would rather send charitable relief to various areas of the globe …than spending time and effort right here." 

    "I guess that would be a true statement." 

    "But much too often that global relief ends up being confiscated by the ruling party …often terrorist affiliated. Some maintain control by a heavy hand and a heavy arsenal …while others achieve their dominant rule by simply shaming those who question the way they do business, while refusing to accept any accountability. Any recommendation of responsible spending is met with the accusation of an attempt to micro-manage. And any attempt at so slight of a suggestion brings severe and rapid condemnation."

 153 





    "Yes, sacred traditions hold steadfast beliefs that forbid questioning the integrity of the institution of values, constituted by itself and those who claim to uphold it. And they often successfully hide behind that which they superficially hold in high regard." 

     Maggie tries not to speak her thoughts aloud, but it seems she can no longer remain silent on this issue. "What is it with you guys …always out to conquer the world?" 

     Stephen is rather surprised at her bluntness, "Not to conquer the world, just to help facilitate change for the benefit of those who desire change."

    "Do you really think you can change the world?"

     Stephen remains rock solid with his belief, "We have to try!"

   "But how can we help the world when we can barely help ourselves? We are supposed to be better off than any generation before us and we are successful in the eyes of the world, yet our children suffer the pains of broken homes, not of war, but of our own doing. The family unit is falling apart. History shows that as the family unit falls apart, so soon will the nation. How do we help the rest of the world? We find a much needed resource there and we begin sending business to that nation. We help build up their cities like ours …and I'm not sure that's doing them a favor. Some of these nations no longer consider us the good guys. And you want to go there and try to change them? Maybe we should let them be?" 

 154 





    Stephen looks into Maggie's eyes. There is a softness there that is not reflected in her voice. 

    He tries to understand where she is really coming from before he answers. "I agree with much of what you are saying, but the Lord's business does not mainly involve financial institutions …it's the spreading of the gospel. It is helping them to change on the inside. That's where most of us are in trouble. And I'm sure you wouldn't have the approach of just letting them be. That's not the approach you had when you found me …half dead! You didn't just let me be …nor do I think you'd leave others to die …for eternity."

                                                              155     

           XLVI.
   "My dad was much like your dad …he was an unloving father who was always ready to punish me. And throughout my life that affected my outlook on a lot of things …inclusive of a distorted image of our Heavenly Father. But our Heavenly Father is not an image. He is the real Person described throughout the Bible. And He is not punishing us. The troubles we have are not because God turns away from us …it is because we don't turn to Him when we need Him the most. And most often we don't know when we need Him the most because that most is …all the time." 

     Genny is not aware that she'd closed her eyes, and faded off for a few minutes. And remarkably, she begins again right where she'd left off, "It's just that our faith is challenged more during certain times …and it is during those times that we more intensely need to be reminded how much we dearly need Him." 

     Genny's eyes close again. Rebekkah was certain Genny was talking to Ruth ...after all, Rebekkah's parents were very loving.  But, when a person is fading in and out, they tend to get a bit delirious. Though that does not necessarily minimize the emotional hurt.  And that last part that Genny spoke of, about God, does really speak to her. After all, it's quite obvious she struggles more than Ruth …in her walk with God. 

 156 




    Ruth whispers to Rebekkah that she has to use the restroom. 

    Rebekkah recalls what happened when they were both in the Michigan hospital, and Ruth had gone to find a bathroom. But if it doesn't bother Ruth, it shouldn't be a lingering concern that demands to be recognized …often striking a fine line between being overly cautious or paranoid. It is actually healthy for Ruth not to be paralyzed from past experiences.                            

    Ruth doesn't want to be too long. She doesn't want to worry Mom and Rebekkah. But she just has to know …how her dad is doing! 

    She hurries to emergency. It is so busy and full of confusion …but she is sure it is organized confusion. 

    She doesn't see him anywhere, but she doesn't really know where to look either. And she doesn't know who to ask or what to say. 

    A nurse sets her clipboard on a table. Ruth walks over slowly to the table. She tries to read it without picking it up. 

    She is embarrassed as she hears a voice from behind her. She feels like she's been caught doing something wrong. "I'm sorry, I'm just so shook up, I don't know what to do! I'm looking for my dad. His name is Roy Razohn." 

    The nurse places a gentle hand on her shoulder, "I'm so very sorry …we were unable to save your dad. He died shortly after he arrived here …I'm so sorry!" 

                                                                        157                                                                                     



                                                          XLVII.

   "A great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind, an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake, a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire, a still small voice …" 

     Ruth had just shared with Mom and Rebekkah that dad had passed away. Ruth didn't know quite how Mom would respond, but Rebekkah was the one who was really confused. Ruth knew she was quoting Chapter nineteen, of the First Book of Kings. She had read it many times before with Mom. And they had referred to Roy as the great strong wind, the one who shook the earth beneath their feet, and the one with the fiery eyes. 

     But the Lord was not in Roy. The Lord spoke in this still and quiet moment. Genny has a special peacefulness about her as she speaks. "When you visit my gravesite, I want you to feel peace …the kind of peace I feel now. So please do not bury me beside him. I don't want your peace to be mixed with torment. Bury me in Metamora, where I went when I was hiding from Roy …where I went when I thought I could be free."

 158 





    Ruth wants to cry out to God that she doesn't want Mom to die, but she allows her to continue her piece. 

    "But you know, I've found out that freedom has different dimensions. When you shared with me about the morning-glories, I finally realized how truly blessed I was …not only with a wonderful loving daughter, but with a loving God. That's when I was free from the depression and guilt. I no longer felt it was my fault. That's when I finally felt free. It's silly because I could have accepted it long ago …long ago, I could have accepted the love of Jesus. That was the most important aspect of freedom, but it didn't make me free from the torment that life sometimes gives. Roy would not allow me to feel totally free. And now that he's dead, I'm finally free from the torment I've felt for years. Yet, there is still one aspect of freedom missing. And I feel the Lord is quietly speaking to me …calling me home to the ultimate freedom. But before I go, Ruth, I want you to have the kind of freedom that I was never able to have here on earth …the freedom to become one with another, to hold him in your arms, and to love him until death you do part in this life. Ruth, now with Dad gone, there should be no more fear to love as your heart has always told you to love. Go to him, Ruth …go to Stephen!" 

     Genny closes her eyes. 

                                                                     159                                                                                                                             

            XLVIII.

      Ruth cries as she stands beside Mom's open casket. Rebekkah stands beside her with a comforting hand on her shoulder. Ruth leans over to rest her head on Rebekkah's shoulder as she cries. 

     She had looked at her dad's casket just once, but she felt like she was no better than a member of the mob, only looking for the purpose of verifying that he is really dead.

     Ruth glances over at the countless men in suits, all looking at Roy's open casket. She overhears some of their conversation, "I'm sure Viceroy never imagined it would end this way! Who do you think will take over now?" 

     All these monster mobster men surround one lady, dressed in black and wearing a veil. She continues to lift a Kleenex to her face. The lady is probably Roy's secretary. 

     Ruth can't stand it! She excuses herself, leaving Rebekkah's side for a moment to go to the bathroom. But just as she is about to enter the bathroom, she sees Stephen enter the building. A young woman about her own age is walking beside him …and she recognizes the man following immediately behind as George Olitz. 

     Ruth ducks into the bathroom before they pass by. She can't handle this type of emotion, not during this time. She has to get out of the building!

 160 




     Meanwhile, Stephen and Maggie stop short of the viewing room where the caskets are. They await George's lead, "I don't see Ruth, but I'm sure she's here somewhere. I see Rebekkah Lessert." 

     Stephen recalls, "Rebekkah Lessert …I'm sure I remember that name! Oh, yes, I do recall her now. All the way from Seattle …she's come all that way?" 

    George glances at Maggie, then back to Stephen, "Yes, she's a good friend of mine. She used to attend your Dad's church in Seattle. We both were very fond of Pastor John. And we recall how very fond he was of the idea of you and Ruth getting married." 

    "Dad shared that with you?"

    "It was no secret to those of us in the congregation who were close to Pastor John. And after your accident, he did all he could to help Ruth and her Mom.  I suppose there's no way you could have known this, but Ruth and Genny had moved back to Seattle to escape their battered home in Michigan. And they were staying with your Dad before he passed away. It was also during that time Rebekkah and Genny got real close."

   "I know Ruth had a lot of difficulty at home. But I had assumed they must have reconciled that …since they'd moved back to Michigan." 

    George glances over at the two caskets. There is no reason to have to explain all that. With both Roy and Genny passed away … well, that concern is no longer an issue. He had been directed by Rebekkah as to what the real issue at hand was to be …to reunite Ruth and Stephen. 

 161 





    George glances about again, "I still don't see Ruth. Let's go see Rebekkah …maybe she's seen Ruth." 

    As they approach, Stephen and Maggie stand to the side as George hugs Rebekkah.

    Stephen steps forward next, "I hear you and Genny were real close. I'm sorry for your loss." 

    Stephen leans forward to hug Rebekkah. 

    Maggie watches as Rebekkah holds their embrace …long enough to feel kind of awkward, you'd think. The hug is at least three times as long as the hug Rebekkah had given George. It must seem awkward for Stephen also …he doesn't know he just hugged his Mom. 

    Maggie feels awkward. She feels she doesn't belong here. She whispers to George that she has to go. She doesn't offer an explanation why she is leaving, but it is obvious to her that Stephen and Ruth should have this time alone.

                                                                162                  

            XLIX.    

     Ruth sits alone in the parking lot in the rental she and Mom had shared over the past few days. She cries. She can't go back in there.

     Soon she will be traveling to Metamora to give Mom her requested burial. Then she will have her own private time to grieve …but not now, not here. 

     As far as her dad goes …she and Rebekkah had agreed that his body will be released to his secretary. She can do with him what she wants. 

     Ruth puts it in drive, and leaves the parking lot. One danger is past …but not the danger of having to deal with her own emotions. 

    Often we are our own worst enemy. She hasn't been able to sleep much the past several days. She fights off the exhaustion, not allowing her eyelids to become as heavy as the burdens she has placed upon herself. With tremendous grief she considers Aleah, the only family she now has …whom she doesn't have. 

     Ruth uses her left hand to wipe the tears from her eyes and clear her vision. She over-steers, crossing the center line. She cuts the wheel back, making the necessary correction. Life is a process of making adjustments and corrections. 

 163 





     As she travels down life's road, her mind begins to drift …and she drifts into the next lane again. Thankfully, the next lane is clear, as is the fact that she has to concentrate on the road she is on. 

     There are many who are traveling the same road that she is …people much like her. And there are those who will momentarily pull alongside her, equaling her speed …only to surge ahead, traveling well beyond her speed. 

     She presses down on the accelerator, as if she can catch up with her thoughts. The landscape speeds by. It is just a blur, as is her life. Her life is just passing her by. Those glimpses that are near, will not be as blurry as those that speed by, but they are still glimpses just the same. 

     Suddenly a car pulls up on her left, equaling her speed for a moment. She glances over. A guy smiles, salutes her, then speeds on by. 

     Ruth declines to return a wave or even a smile. A quick glance, a smile and a wave, or perhaps a kiss blown her way …from behind the car window of another car as it speeds down the expressway, perhaps never to pass that way again …no, that's not for her. 

    What does the guy expect?    A wave …such a simple recognition, not even a glimpse of true sharing. How can anyone even begin to understand? No, she can't expect anyone to understand! Maybe she shouldn't even try …or maybe she should reduce life's expectations. 

     Or perhaps she should try to be more like that guy, and seek recognition through only a passing moment. After all, isn't life just a passing encounter?   

     No, life is more than that!  At least, for her it is.

 164 





    Yet, there is some function served. In a way, she remains safe within. Her tears are not seen as she speeds along the expressway …if tears are to be guarded and considered an awkward thing, that is. 

    And life can seem so placid, serene and still, and non-threatening from a distance and at a glance. How do people meet each other? Is it through passing moments, seeking recognition, and sharing common worldly values …nothing of true substance or of lasting value? 

     Or is there something to be said of the common and simple dependency of two people gathering life from each other, however lacking another person may think it to be? Can it be that whatever is good for the two of you …for however long the moment or long the lifetime may be …is perhaps what makes it a significant other? 

     Perhaps it is all how a person perceives love. Love is an open canvas that can paint many a varied pictures. 

     But to Ruth, love is more than just that.  She can try to paint it, but the brush strokes are not meant to be hers.  Love is defined by God, and painted for us through His Word …in the Bible. 

     The love that Ruth wants is a love centered upon what she believes to be the greatest depth of love that she can realize. It encompasses her faith, hopes, and aspirations. And when it is realized, there is no desire to settle for anything less. This is what has to be central to the decisions we make in life if we're to value life at all. And this is what tugs at Ruth's heart. She loves Stephen, she has always loved Stephen …and without him, she is settling for less, when life stands ready to rejoice in the union of those who want to experience more …more of what God has designed and desired for us. 

165 





     Ruth looks to the right. Why so many uncertainties about what is right? The exit is to the right. But as one thing is exited, another thing is entered. 

    The landscape ahead changes. She enters the local cemetery, driving slowly through the many turns. This place brings a quite different perspective to life. How many of us pretend to be alive, yet have dead relationships? And we visit the cemetery where many appear dead, yet have a very much alive relationship with their Lord, in glory. 


                                                                 166                                           





                                                    L. 

     Maggie bakes an Angel food cake. She buys seven King-size Hershey's dark chocolate candy bars. She melts the chocolate, then frosts the cake with her delectable mix. 

     Maggie knows Olga will not be able to eat the cake, but she will later give it to Mary Mason and her co-workers. 

     The place awakens as Maggie walks in. The intense rich smell of chocolate fills the air. As she enters Olga's room, Olga opens her eyes and smiles, "Angel food?"

    "Yes, Angel food …I love you, Olga!" 

     The smell of chocolate can certainly arouse, but Maggie is certain God has awoken her for this special moment, not the chocolate. 

     Maggie sits on the edge of the bed beside Olga and holds her hand. There appears to be such a soft, peaceful twinkle in Olga's eye as she smiles at Maggie. 

                                                                            167 





    Meanwhile, Ruth sits in the aisle seat, joining Rebekkah on her private jet. As the jet takes off, no time is wasted in taking off again on that same conversation, "You have to agree that the only obstacle preventing you both from having a happy life together …no longer exists. Remember what your Mom said: There should be no more fear to love as your heart has always told you to love. So after you carry out your Mom's burial wishes, we can return to Maine to carry out her main wish."

     "I know, I just couldn't face him at the time. I couldn't face anyone …with any of it. I will get back in touch with him!" 

     What more can be said! Rebekkah is thoroughly exhausted. She's been through so much lately, too. She leans to the window, away from Ruth, and quickly falls asleep. 

     This gives Ruth some extra elbow room. She's tired too, but she will try to get some sleep after she writes a letter to Stephen. She picks up a magazine to conceal the letter, in case Rebekkah wakes up. 

     Ruth wipes the tears from her eyes. It is going to be difficult writing this letter, especially in view of the purpose of this trip …destination: Metamora. 




     Meanwhile, back in Maine, Olga squeezes Maggie's hand as she closes her eyes …final destination: the glorious presence of her Heavenly Father.

                                                                       168   
                                                                                                                                               

                                               LI.  

     Stephen and George attend the evening visitation for Olga. Many of the staff from General Hospital are there, as well as the majority of the staff from the hospice. Olga had worked so many years at the hospice, many of them had ample stories they could tell …and many of them decide to share the very best of those stories, at this time. 

      It just so happens that Maggie is the one that everyone wants to tell the stories to. She becomes sort of the sole designation of 'family' in this gathering of 'family and friends'.

     Mary Mason helps make sure that everyone maintains that understanding. Maggie was the only one who had come to visit Olga when she was in the hospital …and from that point on, Mary considered her family. 

     Stephen only briefly has a chance to offer his condolences. He lingers a bit, hearing many of the stories that Mary and the other nurses tell. And he also hears Mary offer to pick up Maggie in the morning for the graveside service. 

     Surprisingly, the morning burial service has an even larger turnout. Almost the entire hospice afternoon shift gather together at the cemetery. And they all show their solidarity as they gather around Maggie to show their support.

                                                                     169 






    Stephen knows how much support a person often needs after everyone goes their separate ways. All of the emotions are not spent at the graveside …nor are they left there, to return to at a later designated time. 

     After everyone departs, and Mary brings Maggie home, Stephen will stop by to see how she is doing. 

     As best laid plans often go, Stephen sees Maggie's car leave as he decides to walk over to see how she's doing. 

     He didn't think she'd go to work today, but sometimes work keeps your mind off other things. He actually had been doing that very thing lately, with the mission house …keeping himself busy to keep his own mind off things. 

     Unbeknownst to Stephen, Maggie does intend to keep herself busy …but not at her place of employment. She had pre-arranged the day before to have today off. 

     First of all, she will busy herself at Larry's Lumber. They offer her assistance, but she is in need of none, knowing just what she needs. She purchases some lumber and the few tools she will need. 

     The parking lot is as good a place as any to construct her plan. She takes only a moment to finalize the design in her head …then begins construction on the two benches.

     She works quickly, constructing the uniquely designed benches …each equipped with back and side removable flower boxes. A couple blocks down is Glen & Flo's Garden and Flower, her next stop. 

 170 




     Spring has arrived in Maine, not only by the calendar, but by indication of the early blossoms. Many of the flowers she is choosing may not endure the still frequent cold nights, but she can easily replace those that do not survive the often times unpredictable weather. 

     Maggie recalls how Olga had given her hope to survive the often times unpredictable circumstances each of us has to face. She had decided that part of that survival was to not continually revisit that which causes the most pain. And she'd achieved that by not returning to the cemetery. But now she finds herself returning there. Maybe she is wrong in doing so, but sometimes it seems necessary to return …to deal with the difficulties, before moving on. 

     Maggie places one bench at Olga's gravesite, and the other at Darin's …with both benches facing each other. 

     She sits down at Darin's gravesite on the bench she had constructed, and begins to create a mental picture in her mind on how she wants the arrangement to look. She then spends the next couple hours on her knees, with much effort given to detail …and an occasional prayer here and there. 

     Maggie arranges a very beautiful mix of flowers on three side of each bench. Many times she wipes the dirt across the tears streaking her face. 

     The effort seems worth it …after much hard work, she sits at Olga's gravesite, resting with satisfaction, and looking towards Darin's gravesite. 

 171 





     With many endearing thoughts of Darin and much reminiscing, another hour passes. She then gets up, and walks over to Darin's gravesite, looking across to where she'd just been sitting. 

     She imagines a quiet conversation between the two. She speaks aloud, but only the night air, the frogs and crickets, can hear. 

     She speaks aloud one particular thought, then walks over to the other bench and answers herself, before asking another question. 

     She then walks over to the other bench, and answers herself again. 

     After doing this for an hour or so, she completes this rather thorough exercise routine. She is now quite thoroughly exhausted …and it feels good, though it is starting to feel a bit cool. 

     But she has planned well. She had packed a blanket. 

     Maggie retrieves the blanket from her car, and she stretches out on Olga's bench, spreading the blanket over her. She gazes up at the soft glow of the moonlight, amongst the stars. And she thinks of how peacefully Olga is resting …an eternal bliss with the Prince of Peace. 

     She falls asleep …but eventually the cooling down of the night gathers up under the blanket, and stirs her back awake. It is getting quite cool. 

     She returns to her car …and drives home. 

                                                                      172                      


   
                                                                  LII.   

     An unusual happening as of late for Stephen, he arises before the sun. He goes to his window. It appears the whole world is resting …at least at this part of the globe. 

     At least the thought of it, brings about a sense of peacefulness. But Stephen knows it is untrue. There is hidden unrest. And not only can the night not conceal it …it often helps bring it about.

     He begins to walk away from the window, but is drawn back by something he thought he'd seen out of the corner of his eye. He doesn't know how he'd thought he'd seen it …all corners appear so dark. But there it is … a shadowy figure moving about in the night. 

     Stephen strains his eyes to see, and though it would appear almost impossible to distinguish in this dark, it appears to him to be …Maggie. 

     Maggie had decided to take a long walk, since she was unable to sleep. She heads for the railroad tracks. She has to return. With all her hopes, dreams, and strivings in life …she lacks any real hope. She doesn't have much faith that things will work out. 

     She knows she hasn't really given it much of a chance though. Her faith is growing, and she is realizing more each day about the wonders of God, but she wonders whether her faith in daily circumstances is nothing more than a hope based on wishful thinking. 

 173 




     Maggie finds herself up on the rail. 

     She falls off. 

     She gets back up …and falls off again.

     She refocuses just one step ahead of her on the rail. She takes several steps, and does not fall off. 

     She continues to focus on the rail just ahead of her, illuminated by a small reflection of the moonlight. She begins to run, faster and faster …focusing intensely on the rail just in front of her. And amazingly, she does not fall off. 

     Then there is the distant sound of a train whistle. Maggie immediately thinks of Darin. And she falls off. 

     But she keeps on running down the embankment, and she doesn't stop …until she reaches the cemetery. 

     She sits down on the bench at Olga's gravesite, still breathing heavily. She closes her eyes, and drops her elbows to her knees, her head in her hands. Silent tears express what words cannot.

     Her breathing gradually slows, and restores to normal, though she is still perspiring. 

     Suddenly, penetrating the air, she hears, "It's the beginning of a beautiful day, Maggie. Don't miss it!" 

     The glorious presence of a magnificent sunrise paints the sky with the gentle stroke of feathery cirrus clouds, as the sun boldly rises above the horizon, reflecting the sun's newborn rays. But it is not the beauty and serenity of this brilliant sunrise that captives her …it is the voice. 

     And the quiet conversation is no longer her imagination. There is someone sitting on the bench at Darin's grave.

     In a way, she feels violated. Yet, really she doesn't know how to feel. And she doesn't know quite what to say …so she doesn't. 

 174 





    "The construction is really quite good …even if it's just a bench. I like the design. You have a real creative talent. I should have had you help on the mission house. And you are really quite good at arranging flowers too." 

      Maggie thinks of asking how the flowers she had given him are doing, but she doesn't say anything. As busy as he's been and with his mind so much on Ruth, it would not be fair to ask. 

      Stephen feels awkward with her not saying anything. He tries another approach, "I'm really grateful for all you've done, Maggie." 

      Maggie finally finds the words, but they are not the words she'd planned to find, "It makes it kind of uncomfortable …you telling me over and over how grateful you are. I do believe you, but each time you say it, it sounds more and more like you think you owe me. I feel glad that I was able to help, but if you feel you owe me, then I get robbed of that good feeling. In some cultures, the person is indebted to the other in circumstances of saving someone's life. If you, in any way feel that way, I release you …you are free!"

     "It's not like that, Maggie!" 

     "Okay, maybe you just want to return the favor because that's the way you are, but my life doesn't need saving ...we are fully aware that Jesus already did that! So, any other feeling of indebtedness just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable."

     "I guess I kind of know what you're saying, Maggie. I'm kind of acting like a child."

     "No, I didn't say that!" 

 175 





     Stephen tries a little humor, "No, I am …and it is kind of awkward having you be my same age, and you being like a parent to me." 

    "I would hardly say that! You're the one who is ready to take on the responsibilities of the whole entire world." 

    "No, I don't mean that! I'm talking about all we've been through."

    "Considering that, I can't see you that well from over here in the early morning's light, but I'd not imagine you're smiling when you say that." 

     Maggie is thinking of all the horrific things Stephen has gone through …and now hearing his dad passed away. Then when he turns to Ruth for comfort, he finds out that a significant another has entered her life. And understandably, he doesn't understand what that means.  But, she doesn't say anything.

   "What we've been through hasn't been bad! I look fondly upon my upbringing. I had to start all over again …it's like you raised me from birth." 

     Maggie does say something at this point, but shedoesn't change her tone, "Oh, you're still talking about your indebtedness to me." 

    "No, I just look at it as a pleasant memory. Remember my first word?" 

     Maggie answers matter-of-factly, "Gross." 

    "Yes, that's the word! And I'm pleased to say, I'm not spitting up my food anymore." 

 176 





     Maggie doesn't seem to be responding to humor. But he doesn't give up, "And you were there when I took my first steps. Speaking of steps, I still have a little difficulty with those. You probably didn't see me back there …and I'm thankful for that. I was trying to walk the rails like you were, but I couldn't quite get my steps right. I saw that you fell off the first couple times, but I couldn't believe it how you started running. You didn't fall off once. I tried to run on the ties between the rails, and I couldn't even keep up. Oh, in case you're wondering, when I woke up this morning, I looked out my window and thought I saw you. I thought I'd join you for your walk and we could talk. I've wanted to talk with you the past couple days, but haven't really had much of a chance. I thought I wouldn't be interrupting anything this early in the day." 

     Maggie doesn't ask what he wants to talk about,   and he isn't quite ready to get into that yet. He wants to achieve a slightly better mood first, "On the way back, do you think if we each walked on separate rails, side-by-side, that you could teach me? Maybe we could even start out holding hands while standing on separate rails, that might work. I think we would be able to reach." 

     Maggie offers her technical analysis, "You can't use someone else to support you. And you can't look to me …you have to learn to walk alone!" 

 177 





     Stephen realizes there is a much deeper meaning here. But at the same time, Maggie realizes that though she'd had to learn to walk alone without Darin, Stephen has been walking alone also. She knows he understands what it is like to be alone. And he is familiar with the struggles. He is familiar with the confusion, the uncertainty, and the pain. She is the one who has been plagued with her unspecific burdens. Stephen doesn't even know of all the things that have happened to him …and he is coping quite well. 

      Perhaps she should try to be a bit more cordial, "You have to concentrate on the rail, and take one step at a time." 

      Stephen continues his encouragement and admiration, "Where did you learn all those things?"  
    "You learn some tough lessons when you live on the other side of the tracks!" 

     Stephen is happy that she is softening a bit, "You know, our Christian walk is like that too. When you walk on the rail you have to focus on the rail, and one step at a time …and when we look around us at the things in the world, we fall.  But if we concentrate on Jesus, we will be able to truly balance our lives."

    "With all you've been through, how can you continue to have such a positive outlook? With all you've been through, you never seem to doubt God …nor question why He has allowed things to happen. And to be honest with you, I can't see how you even trust anyone with all that you've been through." 

 178 





      Stephen poses a different sort of question, "Do you know the chances of winning the Lottery?" 

     Maggie does not blame him for wanting to change the subject, "I know the chances are not great enough to ever want to consider playing. Why? With your wealth, I can't imagine it would even make a difference. And I don't see you as a person who'd consider gambling anyway." 

    "You're right, but just consider the odds. Many people play over and over, never seeming to consider giving up. But they think the odds are against them in life. And you are right, I guess I could become doubtful after getting into a car accident, considered dead …then having medical monsters and diabolical doctors as my caregivers. But I find joy in the fact that I was rescued by a wonderful caregiver …and no matter what happens in this life, I am guaranteed the best caregiver for eternity." 



      Meanwhile, Rebekkah is trying to take care of things in Metamora, Michigan. Though today should go better than yesterday, she is still very ambivalent about it. 

     She sits up in bed. Much of the morning is already spent. She tries to convince herself that Ruth had needed the extra sleep, but that likely is not true. She is quite certain it was Ruth outside, singing …hours ago. 

 179 





     Rebekkah realizes the truth of the matter. It is her own struggle that's the real issue here. She knows today will go well for Ruth …it is how she will fit in that concerns her. 

     That was also the issue yesterday. It was just the two of them …plus a few cemetery workers, and Metamora Fellowship's pastor. And after the pastor and the cemetery workers left, it was just her and Ruth. And she had just watched as Ruth cried and cried. She had wanted to hug Ruth, but she'd convinced herself that it was not her place …and she had stood off to the side. 

     What about today? Could she offer up anything different? What is she to Ruth anyway …only a yet to be realized hope of a mother-in-law? And she hasn't been a good Mom …how could she convince Ruth she'll be a good mother-in-law? Here she goes again …the same thing over and over again, the same thing she has done with her son for all these years while standing idly by. 

     Rebekkah slowly emerges from her bedroom to discover that Ruth has not been idle. Ruth has a late breakfast prepared for her, and service with a smile. "Did you see the beautiful sunrise this morning?" 

 180 





     She should be cheering Ruth up, not the other way around. Rebekkah is a bit envious of Ruth. She seems to always have the best attitude. She had her intense cry yesterday …and now she is back to her cheery self. 

     Maybe that is how Ruth is so different from her. Concerning her own son, she has always been afraid to hurt. Ruth isn't afraid to allow herself outward emotion. Sometimes the "best" feelings hurt more …and Ruth appears to have the best outlook on things. And the advice we give to others often applies to ourselves. She has told Ruth over and over again to get back in touch with Stephen …and where does she stand with him as his beloved Mom? 

     She has been living in denial and deceiving herself, to guard her emotions and to avoid the risk of hurt and even worse, of rejection. It may seem to work as a coping mechanism for a while, but in the long run it can cause unimaginable pain. 

     Rebekkah poses the question to Ruth, "You seem to always have the best attitude. Do you find it easy to trust your emotions?" 

     Ruth's answer is once again the best, through humble eyes, "I wouldn't say I have the best attitude. I know I'm an emotional person, but that hasn't seemed to get in the way. I wouldn't say that I trust my emotions …they're just a part of me." 

    "You don't seem to let your emotions rule you, that's not what I mean. I guess you can have your emotions, and not let them interfere. You can still solve things through intellectual choices." 

 181 






     Ruth feels it cannot be reduced to something that simple, "Can't intellectual choices get you in trouble too? We don't want to be wise in our own conceits. God did give us emotions, and sometimes it feels better to follow our heart …and other times it appears best to give it some thought. But at all times it's best to give it some prayer." 

      Rebekkah feels it cannot be reduced to something that simple, "But my own desires may confuse my perception of what God's Will is. At times it appears to be more of what I'd prefer God's Will to be." 

     Ruth admits, "Yes, that's true." 

     Rebekkah smiles, "There is so much I can learn from such a young person as you."

    "And I can learn from you also. I like talking with you. You help me think about things I perhaps would not have considered." 

     Rebekkah hopes that includes getting back with Stephen. They are to pick up some flowers for Genny's gravesite, then there are some people she wants Ruth to get together with …and then, God willing, they will return to Maine …to Old Town.

                                                                          182                                                                                                                                                 

               LIII.

     "You had the best of relationships with Ruth, didn't you?" 

     "Yes, we were the only friends each other had throughout our difficult childhoods. How about you and Darin? It's obvious that you were as close to him as I was to Ruth. Your silence over it speaks volumes. You and Darin had difficult childhoods too, didn't you?" 

      Maggie isn't sure she wants to share her feelings about Darin with anyone. "Overcoming difficulties builds strength." 

    "But caring about someone shouldn't be considered a difficulty. It's a good thing." 

    "It's difficult when that person is no longer alive. And I imagine it may be even more difficult at times, when the person is still alive." 

    "You mean …like Ruth? I guess you're right, it can be difficult. But it's still a good thing …it just has to take a different avenue." 

    "For instance?"

    "For instance …with prayer. With prayer, you can put your own feelings aside and thank God, knowing He knows best …even if it hurts, and we don't understand it. God cares for all of us." 

    Maggie decides to question how he's caring for the plant she'd given him, "How's the plant doing?" 

 183 






    "You mean, the plan for the mission house?" 

      Maggie sees that he doesn't even know what she's talking about, "No, not the plan, the plant I gave you!" 

      Stephen admits, "It died …I told you I'm not good with plants!" 

     Maggie had told him to water it when he thinks of her. She can't blame him, "That's okay, I know you've had lots on your mind."

    "That's not it …it died because it drowned!" 

      Maggie doesn't know quite how to take that. It seems so strange with Stephen sitting over at Darin's gravesite …and saying the sort of romantic things that Darin would say. But Stephen is different from Darin. Darin was light-hearted and loving …Stephen is more serious and with high aspirations. And though Stephen appears as happy as a lark, a lark can also be …the jokes on you! It can be a lighthearted prank, but at whose expense? 

      She wants to establish one thing, "When did you water it?"

     "At least twice a day …I watered it each time I prayed for you." 

    "How often do you pray for Ruth?"

    "The same …at least twice a day." 

    "You pray for everyone at least twice a day, don't you?" 

    "That is a good thing …wouldn't you say?" 

    "Yes, you're a real gentleman. No one can accuse you of being anything else."  

                                                                184                                                                         

             LIV. 

     Their limousine pulls out of the greenhouse parking lot. Ruth had picked out some real nice flowers. 

      Rebekkah decides to pick the conversation, "Stephen must think you have a great husband." 

     Ruth is only half listening, "What?"

    "You told him you have a child. Didn't you also allow him to assume you had a husband?" 

    "Well, I do still feel a little uncomfortable about the way I handled all that. I'm not making excuses, but I was under a lot of stress." 

    "Well, you know I can certainly understand where you're coming from. And I know you'll soon take care of the confusion by clearing it up with Stephen. I was just saying that Stephen has seen you do all this traveling lately …and he hasn't seen your husband or your children. He must think you have a really great husband to allow you to go about, on these trips while he takes care of your two children." 

      Ruth looks at Rebekkah with a confused look, "I believe I told him I had a child, not two children."

     "Well, that's right …you did say a child. I guess I was referring to the child you gave birth to …and Aleah, the one that was given to you when they switched the babies." 

 185 






     Ruth is stunned! It seems mad …she can't believe her ears!

     As the limo turns into the cemetery, Harold and Hannah are over at the gravesite, a blanket spread out on the ground. And in the center of the blanket are two children, gathered around a picnic basket. 

      As the limo parks, Rebekkah simply adds, "I've taken care of all the legalities. They're both your children. I got Aleah from the orphanage, and the boy is the one you actually gave birth to. His name is Stephen Junior. I hope you approve of my taking the liberty to name him." 

      Rebekkah says no more. She has plenty of opportunity to give all the details at a later time. Then when she gets it all sorted out …she can sort it out with Stephen. 

     One thing she won't tell Ruth is that it's Stephen's son. Once she and Stephen get married, it will all just fall into place. Stephen is the kind of young man who will treat both children as his own. 

     Ruth can't believe her eyes …nor her ears. But all she can do is believe. After all that she's been through …all she can believe is that this is the precious beginning of something very beautiful. God has brought her sweet Aleah back to her …and given her back the son she had been sure had rested those nine months in her womb. 

      Ruth approaches them slowly, not to startle them. But first she turns back around and hugs Rebekkah. 

     Rebekkah melts in her arms. It is so good to be accepted, understood, appreciated, and loved …finally! 

 186 





      As Ruth approaches, Harold and Hannah step forward to greet her. That's when their eyes meet. Both Aleah and Stephen Junior look towards Ruth. 

      She wonders if Aleah will recognize her.

      Suddenly, Aleah stands up …and runs forward, throwing out her arms, Ruth dropping to her knees, and melting within those precious little loving arms at the words of "Mommy!" 

     Through tears, hugs, and kisses …she feels something press against her right side. It is Stephen Junior. He eagerly gets in on the hug. 

     Ruth allows herself to playfully fall to her left side. She rolls over on her back on the picnic blanket …and her two precious children climb all over her, laughing and hugging. 

    Rebekkah smiles with the deepest sense of satisfaction. She recalls the time when she was expecting her first child. Walt Whitman's poem comes to mind again: 

                                             "There was a child went forth every day,
                                               And the first object he look'd upon, that object he became …" 

     Rebekkah takes the necklace off from around her neck and places it around Stephen Junior's neck.

                          " …And that object became a part of him for the day or a certain part of the day,                                                            Or for many years or stretching cycles of years." 


 187   





     The cemetery, a place representing for so many …the idea of death. But for Ruth it now represents so much more. It is a place of rebirth and beauty. 

     She looks about …through childlike eyes. The green grass, the various flowers …all create a much varied picture.

                                                       "The early lilacs became part of the child, 
                                                         And grass and white and red morning-glories, 
                                                         and white and red clover, and the song 
                                                         of the phoebe-bird, …" 

     Rebekkah meditates on how beautiful everything is turning out. Ruth is so loving. Life is not so very complex …at least as it had been. Yes, life can be simple. 

                                                      " …the thought if after all it should prove unreal, 
                                                         The doubts of day-time and the doubts of night-time, 
                                                          the curious whether and how, …" 

    Rebekkah is hopeful things will be different now. These loving moments will become a way of life for them. It will not prove to be unreal. The days and nights of doubt are over. They will no longer have to wonder whether and how things will work out. Everything is going to be fine …thank God! 

     She whispers to Ruth, "Let's return to Maine. There is a heart waiting for you …always has been. You two were meant to be together." 


 188                                                                                                 


                LV. 


      Stephen stands up and walks over to Maggie's bench, sitting beside her. He pulls out a letter from his back pocket. "This arrived yesterday. It's a letter from Ruth. I want to read it to you." 

     Maggie is silent. She just listens. "Dear Stephen …I suffered the worse kind of agony in losing you. I had a hard time living each day …each day filled with the torment that grief provides. Each day seemed eternal, followed by just another sleepless night. I was in shock. They say I was in sort of a coma state …a state I didn't want to leave. Stepping back into life would be too much to bear. But God's plan is for no one to deny the life set before them, however difficult it may seem. I felt God had set it up for me to face life without you. You were gone, but I wasn't. God has us here for a purpose, and though I didn't know mine at the time …to be honest with you, I didn't even want to know my purpose. But I knew I'd eventually have to face it …to go where God would have me go. But I am so confused again. My feelings are journeying back to you." 


 189 






      Stephen had cried when he first read this. He had hopes he'd be able to get all the way through the letter without getting choked up, but it just seems like that is not at all possible. 

     He lets the tears flow, but musters up enough strength to continue to read: "But you must understand …my life has changed. I have new responsibility and new love. It is not the kind of love I could have had with you, but it is still love. And I can keep that love as long as I have a mind to keep it. I hope you understand …that I can't risk seeing you. I don't want to destroy anything that presently exists. Everyone has responsibilities. We can't just act on our feelings. Love is more than just our emotions. Sometimes love is real difficult, but it should never cease being love. We can't put our emotions first, therefore creating the risk of changing what was meant to be." 

     Stephen takes a deep breath, preventing himself from choking on his tears. His attempt to continue to speak fails. 

     But he swallows hard, and continues to read: "The very first time we met, when we were just little children, you shared with me something that changed my life from that day forward. You'd told me that your teacher assisted the class with making cloth necklaces, and asked each of you to give the necklace to someone you love. The inscription on the necklace says, We love God because He first loved us. We should also love one another. That is a moment I will never forget …but now that very moment is meant for another to experience." 


 190 






     Stephen reaches into the envelope, and pulls out a necklace. He puts the necklace around Maggie's neck, waiting a moment for her to respond to this moment. 

      Maggie is enveloped in emotion. She rubs her arm across her face, streaking her tears. Her head begins to spin. She feels like Stephen's plant. He is drowning her with all this emotion. 

      She takes off the necklace, and hands it back to Stephen. He is still following Ruth's emotions. She's instructing him in what to do …he's not doing this on his own. His mind is following this written out plan for what his heart will never accept. He could never love her like he loves Ruth. 

    "It doesn't feel right! Ruth will forever be a measuring stick for whatever love comes your way. And that is not fair for anyone …that is too much of a burden to expect anyone to bear." 

     Stephen reaches into the envelope, and retrieves another page of the letter. He hands it to her. "This is a poem that I once wrote. And yes, in fairness, I have to admit I wrote it for Ruth, but she has included it in her letter because she feels it applies to our situation as well. Will you please do me a favor and read it aloud?" 

     Maggie glances at the poem for a second, then begins to read:

                                                   "Do the birds in the wilderness, not heard, stop singing their songs?                                                                         Do the birds in the city, not heard through that noise, move along?" 


 191    





      Maggie takes a deep breath, still overcome by emotion, as she continues the poem:

 "Do the leaves in the wilderness, in the autumn, stop turning their colorful array? 
   Do the leaves in the city, in the autumn behind the billboards, just stay? 
   No, the birds still sing and the leaves still turn for our Lord. 
   And yes, we should sing …and ourselves turn unto our Lord, our God. 
   For whether the beauty of our hearts can be seen or heard by the world,
   Our Lord hears our song …and sees our colorful ways. 
   And whether rejected for what we are, or see, or say …by the eyes and ears of the world, 
   Only our Lord God knows our heart and what love of His we accept today." 

      Maggie knows well what rejection is about. And she can relate to the wilderness part. Her heart feels like an uninhabited region …waste, barren, and empty. But the poem says it doesn't matter …what does matter, is that God sees our hearts. It is wrong to compare love. Love is love. Why create parameters, analyze it, or compare it? It's not about whether we can love another person, or whether they can love us …it's about whether we can accept God's love, enriching and multiplying whatever potential love we think we ourselves could possibly muster up for another. 


 192    






    Stephen feels he knows what it is …she more or less had said it outright. Maggie fears whether he can love her like he'd loved Ruth. 

     Stephen trusts his emotions. He puts his arm around her …but she stands up. 

     He doesn't know how to take that. Maybe he is wrong. Maybe this is too much, too quickly. Perhaps this is too much of filling in the void …of so much that each of them have lost. 

     Even the world recognizes how truly unhealthy finding love on the rebound can be. Stephen lowers his expectations, resting his head in his hands. Maybe Maggie is right to put the emotions aside. Maybe he should back off a little. Perhaps she is showing the most wisdom in standing up …standing up to his emotions. 

     Stephen feels so down at this moment, but he instinctively looks up.  Maggie is now reaching out, extending her hand to him. 

     He looks up at her face, streaked with tears. He slowly reaches out to gently touch her hand, and stands with her. 

     Maggie smiles through her tears, "Will you grace me with this next dance?" 

     Stephen can barely find the words, "I don't hear any music." 

    "Use your imagination, Stephen!" 

    "I'm imagining that …you're accepting this necklace." 

     He gently reaches out to drape the necklace back over her head. "But I still don't hear any music." 

 193 





     Maggie continues to cry, "Listen a little harder. The music is there!" 

     He gently squeezes her hand, "Oh yes, now I hear it …the birds are singing!" 

     She smiles, "The birds in the wilderness are singing!" 

     Stephen follows her lead as they dance. 

     Not a word more is spoken. They both hold a song in their heart. It doesn't have to be sung aloud. Sometimes the greatest of feelings are expressed in silence. 

                                                                  194    

                                                            




 (Happy endings may not always be of the versions we would like to imagine, but often happiness can be found. If we cannot find happiness …perhaps it is because we refuse to look beyond our own boundaries of expectation. Only one word of caution: Be sure not to look for happiness beyond God's boundaries. That could be fatal.) 

 No greater love is there than to give your life to another, or for another ...settling for less, so others can have more. 

 In a way, this is the kind of love Ruth has shown in this story. But in a much truer sense …as an actual true event, God sent His only Son, so we can have more, much more. 

What an awesome love God has for us! And who can dispute that …seeing what Jesus endured for our sake!