XVII
Ruth had been through a lot in her life. Her dad had been a huge name in the Organized Crime Community. She knows what it is like to have a rough go of it. But nothing compares to this.
Ruth had lived her entire life grasping onto what little she had …but she didn't consider it little. She had her faith …and a son and daughter.
Now, the news of her son paralyzes any thoughts of normal activity. Rational thoughts become irrational. Panic quickly sets in.
It's times like these that you need someone to totally take over. Through the years, Rebekkah had been there for her. She didn’t have to ask, Rebekkah just naturally always took over.
And the same was true of Cindy's dad. There is nothing of higher worth than the support he offered his daughter. Ken stood as a stalwart pillar.
But lost in it all, is Shannon. She still is unable to share how she feels. No one really quite knows how it is still affecting her, except God. God knows …God always knows. And that’s where Shannon turns.
Shannon had never shared how she felt. Expectations were always high. She knew it was expected of her to call him ‘Dad’, but she had so much locked inside her that she couldn’t express ...not knowing quite how to express it.
Shannon is directed to a separate area of the house with Leah and Josiah, so the adults can talk.
She watches Leah and Josiah play. As of yet, they have no clue of what has happened. Really, no one knows much …but Shannon does know things are not looking good. As Leah and Josiah play, she prays.
The television news reports, “There is a prisoner by the name of Amos Maccabee, who has escaped from Huron Valley Center prison late last evening. Initially, it was suspected that someone was behind the prison break, but we have some new developments. We are going to take you to Robin Seymore, at the Ann Arbor Burn Center."
“This is Bill Underwood. One of our reporters has just visited the hospital in Saline where the injured perimeter guard was taken to. She says she was not allowed to talk directly to the guard, but was told by a visiting security officer that the guard was taking aim at the escaping prisoner, who had stepped beyond the perimeter, when he was grabbed from behind. The guard was unable to remember anything after that, but he has sustained a couple broken ribs and a mild concussion. I am presently outside of Huron Valley Center. We can’t get near enough to see the damage, but I am told the cost may be astronomical. Many of the prison workers have been here for over twenty-four hours. Just now, are they allowing some of those employees to alternate for a couple hours break until they can get additional help in here. I have here, a gentleman by the name of Casey. Now Casey, is it correct that you were told not to talk with anyone from the press or media?”
Casey laughs, “That’s one of their policies, they say. They say they will eventually designate one of their administrative people to talk with you, but they will only report what they want you to hear. I believe the public has a right to know the full story.”
Bill Underwood: “And you were actually working on the unit where the explosion took place last evening?”
Casey: “That’s correct.”
Bill Underwood: “So, Casey, tell us what happened. The public, myself included, not only feel we have the right to know, but we are grateful you’ve stepped forward to share this information with us.”
Casey: “The explosion rocked the place. It about knocked me down. All I could see at the end of one hall was smoke and flames. I checked to see if my supervisor and other co-worker were okay. Once I saw they were okay, my next concern was the safety of the prisoners. I began evacuation procedures. A few of the prisoners were trapped behind the fiery blaze. The heat was so intense, I almost passed out, but the fire extinguisher finally did the trick. Once the Security Supervisor said the threat of fire was over, we top-locked the prisoners in their rooms. One prisoner, Amos Maccabee, or as he calls himself, Tennessee Trucker, was missing. Our employee count showed that my co-worker, Stephen Razohn, was also missing. By himself, Tennessee Trucker, is not very capable. He can be very dangerous, but it is my opinion that he is not intelligent enough to successfully escape and continue to elude the police."
Bill Underwood: "Is it of your opinion that Stephen Razohn helped Amos Maccabee escape?"
324
Rebekkah does not consider her connection with Crazy Larry to be bizarre. She looks at it as directed by God. Only Ruth and a few other people know of her connection to Larry. That connection had actually brought about a bit of salvation to Rebekkah’s life. But it hadn't helped Larry's lot in life. He had been sent from a Mental Institution to prison. Rebekkah had tried to get Larry acquitted, but she was not successful. It was rare that she did not achieve what she set out to do. And she is still very unhappy and upset about that!
This bit of knowledge she would not share with Cindy. And though it comforted Rebekkah somewhat, it did not bring her any closer to finding Stephen. Too much time had passed while looking in Tennessee. Yet, still, Rebekkah is comforted by the fact that she doesn’t believe Crazy Larry will hurt Stephen. She doesn’t believe he’d intentionally hurt anyone.
Rebekkah knows this is a job she wants to do herself. She laughs when people talk about their own mid-life crisis. She would typically be approaching an old-age crisis, but she won’t accept it. At 75 years of age, she still gets around pretty good.
Rebekkah makes a large donation to the church. Now she has the priest’s attention. She is able to direct her question in a careful manner, “I know that often you hear things that no one else hears. You are often the first consideration of those desperately seeking refuge, whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual. Has anyone come to you seeking help?”
The priest laughs, “Well, yes. Everyone seems to fit one of those categories.”
Rebekkah doesn’t know what she'd expected. She has to get to the point, “Okay, I’ll be more specific. Someone escaped from a Michigan prison and we have reason to believe they may be in this area.”
328
*********************************
How do others deal with their sin, perhaps waiting several days for the scheduling of the booth times? Rebekkah looks again at the fifth Chapter of the Epistle of James. It is not a secret thing between you and a priest, or even necessarily the two of you and God. We are to confess our faults to one another …and pray for one another. Of course, we pray to God, confessing our sins. But it’s also about our relationships to one another, exercising the love God has taught us.
Rebekkah had written all these references down on the inside cover of her Bible. That was several years ago, when she’d attended a Bible study. She had been given the verses to look up and she had written them down, but she hadn’t looked them up. What the Bible study teacher said that following week really convicted her …emphasizing the importance of truly seeking Him. How can we say we are truly seeking Him if we don’t even find the time.
Rebekkah realizes that she is often guilty of this very thing. And it is mostly when we want something, like Rebekkah does now, that we more wholly turn to Him.
Rebekkah admits to God that she wants Him to show her that Crazy Larry had been here. But that would only be a stepping stone to her eventually finding Stephen. That is a good thing to ask of God, is it not?
The Bible study teacher had further recommended that we continually evaluate how well we are following Jesus. Often, in actuality, once we profess a commitment to follow Him, we seem to expect Him to bless us as He follows us …instead of following Him as we are supposed to.
The Bible study teacher was correct. The Bible study teacher was usually correct.
The Bible study teacher was …Fernye.
Rebekkah knows she’s guilty of much secrecy. She prays to God that the truth be revealed. She prays that the truth be revealed about Stephen’s disappearance. Or more accurately, that his appearance be revealed.
She tries not to get carried away with her wild notion. But it is possible. It’s possible that Crazy Larry visited the church. She is desperate for a lead. She wants to bring some hope to Ruth and Cindy, and of course, the children.
She feels she has it all figured out. Stephen had gotten blood on his work clothes. But since their washer was broken, Rebekkah had taken the clothes to wash them at her house.
334
This is so unbelievably wordy, Shannon is surprised how much of it she actually feels she understands. It is a part of dad that she had never allowed herself to understand.
She reads on: "What truly exists is then replaced by what we want to exist in our minds …and often it is common to so many of us, it is equally easy to accept. The desire to share outgrows itself, so the desire is to share what no one has ever before shared…when instead the risks and challenge we should take is in sharing the truth which has always been there and is not new at all. The challenge then becomes not with understanding that which surrounds us, but admitting to that which is so errantly within us …and replacing our pride with the humility of admitting it, and seeking what others may accuse us of, in offending ---while defending the truth. The struggle has always been through our misunderstood desires. It is like the children's book by Eric Carle, entitled The Mixed-Up Chameleon. When we are cold and hungry and feeling grey and dull, with not a very exciting life, and we consider ourselves small and weak …we may entertain all sorts of desires. But if we consider that we are weak, but He is strong …and we are to hunger and thirst after His righteousness, then perhaps soon our desires will be His desires for us. But if we move our focus off what He wants for us, then in reality, we're changing how we represent Him …which leads us to not really accepting Him, but instead some version of what we have created, and we end up not glorifying Him much, or not at all. Instead we begin practicing protective mimicry …to make ourselves look like that which is around us."
Rebekkah visits often, trying not to focus on her frustration of not being able to give them any new information concerning Stephen. But one piece of new information that she is able to pass on, brings a bit of thankfulness around Thanksgiving.
She announces, “I received a call this morning. Ray and Claudia had a boy. They named him Aidin Eadin ---Aidin Eadin Isaac.”
Rebekkah invites Ray and Claudia to Ruth’s place for Thanksgiving dinner, along with Charles, Sharon, and Merrie …Ray's little brother, sister, and their mom.
Rebekkah has the food catered, not to be a burden on either Cindy or Ruth.
Rebekkah is curious, “How did you come up with the name, Aidin?”
Ray likes to tell stories, “Well, Claudia says that I’d be a good dad as far as playing with the child goes, but I’d have to be taught a thing or two about responsibility. I laughed and asked her if I was supposed to teach the child or the child teach me. The Bible doesn’t say for the child to train up the parents in the way they should go.”
Claudia doesn't allow herself to be excluded from comment, “I said the learning goes both ways. We teach the child, and the child teaches us.”
Ray continues his story, “Anyway, I laughed, and said I guess that would mean I’d have a help-mate and a teacher’s aid. So I picked the name Aidin. I figured that was appropriate, since he’d be my aid in responsibility. Claudia doesn’t think I’m very disciplined, so I guess he’s supposed to be my aid in discipline too. But I had to laugh when we later looked up the meaning of our last name. I never knew that Isaac meant laughter. I told Claudia that the child would be teaching her a thing or two also. She can’t be so serious all the time, insisting on responsibility. So, our son will be her teacher also ...her aid in laughter.”
Rebekkah smiles, “I like the name …Aidin Eadin Isaac. I imagine cuddling the child …A-E-I, oh, you!”
Cindy is saddened by the fact that in less than seven months, she’d be giving birth to another child, without Stephen. Stephen is not around to share in the present joy, nor will he probably be around to help teach their child ---anything.
Two months having passed, hope is dwindling fast.
Rebekkah tries to generate some enthusiasm about the book Stephen had written ...which was soon to be published. Once she had seen the notebooks Shannon had found, she had not waited to consult in anyone's opinion …but quickly gathered up the notes and sent them to a publisher, at her cost.
She also voiced her opinion on how much she likes the idea of the walled community, and is serious about wanting to construct it. And she wants to invest more than just interest in the project. Her vision is to begin several throughout our nation, after constructing the first right here on the seven acres that Stephen had grown up on.
341
******************** This news provides no comfort for those back home in Michigan. Though closure would be the eventual path all should go, they aren’t ready for that. They were still attempting to cling onto a faint hope. But now that small flicker of hope is extinguished. The fire and the watery grave stand as bold, uncaring forces that now consume them in grief.
The children accept it better than Cindy had anticipated. They talk as if Dad had died with honor and dignity, now buried at sea.
It is now New Year’s Eve. Cindy and Stephen had never celebrated the turning of the calendar, and Cindy certainly is not going to celebrate the beginning of what promises to be a very difficult year for her. Yet she will spend those precious days with her children and together, come summer, she'll celebrate the beginning of a new life …a life that is so wonderfully developing within her womb.
The children want to begin the year by returning back to the house. Cindy feels she can’t deny the children that request. It will be difficult for her, but maybe the children are right. Maybe it is time to go back.
Cindy tells the children that they will spend the day, New Year’s Day, at their home in Waterford. But she is not ready to move back quite yet. Many decisions will have to be made. But those decisions will have to wait … until after the baby is born.
It is Cindy’s wish that not too many details be shared with the children about Stephen’s death. And though, ‘buried at sea’, has a certain peaceful sound to it, it will not provide the peace they need. They need a sense of closure. A place to visit, to pour out their feelings whenever they feel a need to.
Shannon picks out the perfect cemetery. The only thing that stands between Ruth’s property and the cemetery are several acres of barren unfarmed land.
Shannon adds, “And you can see the cemetery from the tree-house.”
Cindy begins to dream aloud, “I don’t want to go back to Waterford. What we had there is not what Stephen wanted.”
She is referring to Stephen’s plans for a walled community, stating that is what he’d wanted. But in her heart is a deep hurt that speaks volumes more. Their home in Waterford was not a home because she did not allow it to be a home. She was always on the go, which just brought tension and stress into their life. Now that he is gone, she wants to live the peacefulness that was truly at the heart of Stephen. He hadn't been happy living in Waterford. But it is clear that he'd been happy while growing up in Metamora.
Fernye finds it difficult over the phone, “How about Shannon?”
Cindy sighs, “I don’t really know. She seemed to do the best after Stephen disappeared, trying to attach herself to all the joyful things ...the fun, the adventure, the discoveries. All her focus was on the living aspects of Stephen. I guess I should be more like her. I want to be more like her. I want to live the joys of Stephen, not the disappointments. I think what I want is to take up writing …supplementing what he'd begun to write. And I believe what Rebekkah had sent for publication was unfinished. I don't think he'd be happy with that. I want to finish writing the book he started. I want to live all the dreams. In a couple years we should be moving into the walled community. I want all that to happen. I guess Leah shares my tears, Josiah is my comforter, and Shannon is my dreamer. I don’t really know how Shannon is doing, Grandma. Even though she had never seemed to get close to him when he was here, it was truly evident that he loved her. And I’m certain she knows that. Do you think it’s healthy for her not to shed any tears?”
Fernye reminds Cindy, “It takes time. I know how difficult it was for Stan. He had lost both parents and sisters and brothers. Many people were concerned because he didn’t cry. He must have been in emotional shock. But did you see him yesterday?”
Cindy admits, “No, I was so overcome by my own feelings, I guess …"
Fernye continues her point, “At the cemetery, when they placed the stone at the gravesite, Stan placed a hand on Shannon's shoulder. Now, we all know Shannon doesn’t like to be touched by anyone other than family. But I noticed she didn’t pull away. I gather that Stan was finally acknowledging how he felt about losing his own family. And it appeared that Shannon, by not pulling away, was acknowledging that perhaps she was accepting him. You know, the rest of us consider him as part of the family. Stan has become a sensitive and caring young man. And Shannon will just have to find her way through all this. Stan did. We all have to find our way. By the way, how is that baby finding its way?”
Cindy rests a hand against her stomach. She feels the baby move, “Thanks for reminding me. I have to call tomorrow to make an appointment.”
344
Shannon awakens and joins her, “Mom, is it time? Are you going to have the baby tonight?” Shannon curls up beside Mom, hugging her.
Cindy wraps her arms around Shannon, “No. I think the baby will come next week. I was just up praying. And I was attempting to finalize my choice of names.” Shannon hugs Mom extra close, “I just felt the baby kick. I think the baby is as eager to see us as we are to see the baby.”
Cindy kisses Shannon on top of the head, “I know you don’t like the acronyms, but if it’s a girl, I’ve decided on the name, Hannah Esther. So, it’ll be either H.E.R. or S.I.R. ."
Shannon looks up into Mom’s eyes, “You’re still feeling guilty for not letting Dad name Josiah, aren’t you?”
Cindy admits, “Yes. I told him he could name him, then I went ahead and didn’t let him.”
Shannon kisses Mom’s tummy, “Well, I still hope it’s a girl. But if it’s a boy, I’ll just have to get used to it. And I agree with you now. If it’s a boy, he should have the name Dad had picked out …Samuel Isaac.”
Cindy encloses Shannon’s hand within her two hands, “That’s a big relief to me. I wouldn’t want you disliking your brother for his name.”
Shannon reassures, “I wouldn’t let a silly thing like that make me think less of my brother. I guess I was just feeling my own guilt. Having the intials, S.I.R., reminded me of Stan always calling George, ‘Sir’. George loves Stan so much. He’s taken such great care of Stan. He adopted Stan as his own son, yet Stan still calls him, ‘Sir’. It reminds me of how I never brought myself to call Dad …‘Dad’. I used to say, ‘Yes, sir’, too. And I still sit up in bed, unable to sleep at night, when I think of how I treated him.”
Cindy realizes, “Okay, I’ll pick another name. I never realized how you felt about it. We all have some painful memories. And we should all try to do what we can not to add to the pain. We should try to avoid living with regrets.”
Shannon speaks up, “No. I don’t want you to choose another name. It was Dad’s wish. I want you to stick with Samuel Isaac, unless of course, it’s a girl. And I’m still hoping it’s a girl. Leah says she wants a little sister, you know.”
Three more seasons go by …and the fascination is Fernye's 100th birthday …in fact, it becomes a national fascination. And the mass media covers the event, capturing some of Fernye’s wit. She explains why she didn’t celebrate her 99th, and isn’t going to celebrate again after this one, until her 110th birthday.
What doesn’t go well with the media though, is her mention of God. It upsets Fernye when she views the news and finds they edited that part. At this point, she changes her decision. Her 110th will be private.
They gather at Ruth’s home. Samuel’s celebration and his cuteness create sort of a back-drop for the real excitement being generated here. There is a huge gathering of the new family per se, making those final arrangements to move into the family-oriented community.
Ruth slips away from the group. She turns on the television to view the national news. There are reported car bombings in the Middle East.
Rebekkah enters the room. She calls out to Ruth. But Ruth doesn’t answer!
Everyone’s individual celebrations are cut short as Rebekkah calls an ambulance, then rides to the hospital with Ruth.
Cindy stays at the house with the children as guests leave rather abruptly, understanding the gravity of the situation. And Cindy tries to rehearse in her mind what she will say when Aleah calls within the hour.
More than anyone, Aleah had been concerned …feeling Mom wasn’t doing well. Ever since Stephen disappeared, she appeared to be going down hill. Ruth had insisted that she’d be okay, but Aleah knew things were not okay. Under any other circumstances, Aleah would not have hesitated to stay with her mom. But as Ruth put it, there is nothing worse than having someone stay around for the sole purpose of feared anticipation of someone dying. Aleah couldn’t answer to something so boldly put, so she went ahead with the family’s plans, with hopes that it would not be regretfully so.
It was sort of a rejuvenation experience, gaining back their youthful zeal that many of them hadn’t even realized they were losing. During this trip, they were to walk the land that breathed meaning and purpose. It was cherished by those who understood it. Much of the world had seemed to have long forgotten ---or perhaps, never knew.
There was a story within a story, for each who did attend. Harold and Hannah had just returned from their first trip to Israel, filled with meaning and purpose, after only a few years of marriage. That was, of course, many years ago. But it was their story. After that first trip, they had elected not to become a missionary to any particular country, but to become ambassadors to the entire mission cause, as a whole. They were to visit mission fields throughout the globe, and report back to churches throughout the United States on how the various missions were doing, and of the wonderful workings and experiences of God in those nations. They didn't ask for financial support, but just for prayer support. And of course, they welcomed anyone who wanted to join in the mission field to work directly with the people.
Being presented that way, there was a great outpouring of support, including financial, from individuals and organizations who did want to help in a big way. But they didn’t have to spend any of their time praying about finances. Rebekkah had established a huge empire with her computer business and careful investments over the years. No one exceeded her in wealth. It was staggering to think of how much she had. So, there was no need for anyone to be held back in the mission field because of lack of finances. Rebekkah asked them not to worry and to focus all their prayers, not on burdensome finances, but rather on the burden of lost souls.
This was also a story within a story, because Rebekkah had arrived at this commitment through a difficult lesson she had learned. She wanted to stay committed to those she could, because there were those who did not want her support. They enjoyed living each day, not praying about their finances, because that’s not what they called it. They called it God’s provision. And they enjoyed just getting by and even struggling at times. It created more meaning for them as they watched how God uses people and circumstances to provide for His people.
It was a difficult lesson, indeed. One that was taught to her through the example and character of one man, Stephen Tressel, whose faith and commitment was built on prayer and initiative. "Growth that gets pushed along, often takes a wrong direction," he often said.
351
The family organizes a special get-together to help cheer her up. Most of the walled community is completed ahead of schedule. The last units to be completed are those adjacent to Ruth’s home, and the renovations to Ruth’s home are also yet to be completed. And the community church also had modifications yet to be done. The church was to be among the first to be completed, but they had made too many changes in their design.
Most of the families that had sold their homes had begun to move in last week. Merrie Isaac, her daughter and two sons, are amongst the first to move in …inclusive, of course, of the family of her one son, including that adorable little grandson, Aidin. Cindy has a possible buyer for her home, but nothing more than that. Cindy’s Dad said he’s closing the deal on his home, and will be moving in next week. And Fernye had already sold her place, but said she wants to wait for Cindy to move in. Meanwhile, she is staying with a neighbor, while her few belongings are at Ken’s place.
Leah is all excited because ‘Uncle Charlie’, as they called him, had agreed to take care of Lark. Cindy had feared that his barking was keeping potential buyers away. So, as Leah sees it, Lark is the first member of her family to move into the walled community. Leah shares her excitement with Josiah and Samuel. Lark becomes the center of attention.
Suddenly, Lark gets some unwanted attention. Samuel's look turns into one of concern, “Leah, Lark is doing something wrong!”
Leah laughs. Lark is stooping and looking all around in a quite uncomfortable sort of way. Leah laughs again, “Lark is taking a dump.”
Leah is consumed in her own thoughts over the ordeal, “Lark looks like Josiah did when Josiah used color crayons on the wall.”
Samuel hesitates, then asks, “What’s a dump?”
Leah politely explains, “Lark is going to the bathroom. We shut the door, but Lark doesn’t have a door, so it must be a little embarrassing. Maybe Lark feels a little guilty too.”
Leah continues to offer a little more than Samuel had asked for, “It’s a natural way to look when you’re humbling yourself." Leah laughs, "It’s kind of like the way you look, Samuel, when you're loading your pants.”
Samuel looks over at Mom, then to Leah. He tugs on Leah’s shirt sleeve and leans over, whispering, “I think someone up there is taking a dump.”
Leah scolds him politely with a return whisper, “Don’t say that! We’re in church!”
But Leah begins to laugh as she witnesses what Samuel is witnessing. The way they look back and forth, it is just like Lark. They do look guilty.
Maybe it’s not guilt, but what could it be? With Lark, it was a straining, forced effort.
Or is it a sense, or a realization that it’s not a proper thing to do in public?
Whatever it is, it’s funny! Josiah joins Leah in laughter.
Respectively, it is quiet laughter, each straining not to laugh aloud. Then Shannon and Mom join in. They laugh for no reason other than the fact that they feel the love of a shared laugh.
Cindy had not laughed like this since before Stephen had disappeared. The laughter is contagious. A couple people near them begin to laugh too.
Cindy recalls one church she’d read about, that made laughter the focal point of the service ...calling it holy laughter. But Cindy feels that is wholly ridiculous.
The main focal point of the congregation is not on laughter though. They are serious. The congregation smiles as the altar band puts on sunglasses.
Cindy wonders what else is about to be altered as their smiles turn into serious and almost trance-like expressions, as they get caught up in a twinkling of an eye, ---but not the type of rapture often alluded to in the Biblical event. This is rather a rhythmic event, with a certain kind of familiar beat.
As for Cindy, she could name that familiar beat. It is all too similar to the spirit of the bar scene. And the congregation swaying back and forth, with curious gyrations, provides an all too familiar association.
Cindy recalls a wayward and much feared family down the street. They had recently helped plan their son's marriage. The son and his bride-to-be had first met during a road rage event. They'd decided to use it as the theme for their wedding. "That's our song!" ---is the way they affectionately referred to the song, which made light of murder.
As she drives home from church, the children are light-hearted and happy. But she has a more serious note. In summation, she realizes that we tend to play everyone's song ...the songs of murderers, thieves, idolaters, adulterers, drunkards; all of which are not representative of what God would have us do.
God accepts us for who we are ---as filthy rags, but do we accept God for who He is ? Or do we accept only what He has done for us ? Do we wear the fine linens Jesus has prepared for us ?
Cindy opens to the last page of her Bible and reads: "Blessed are they that do His commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in …..For without are …whosoever loveth and maketh a lie."
Philippians 4:8
Whatever things are true,
Whatever things are honest,
Whatever things are just,
Whatever things are pure,
Whatever things are lovely,
Whatever things are of good report;
If there be any virtue,
And if there be any praise,
Think on these things.
Cindy joins Merrie Isaac, Mrs. Odakota, Rebekkah, Fernye, and others as they prepare the first big meal in the church dining hall.
Moriah is in the hallway just outside of the sanctuary with a helium tank. She is inflating balloons in front of an audience of Leah, Josiah, and Samuel. She has their undivided attention.
Shannon is trying to set up and operate the large screen television that is reserved for viewing tapes of mission field operations and select Christian children videos. But she can’t seem to get it hooked up properly. That’s when Stan walks in …and her attention transfers to him. She stands ready to greet him as he walks the full length of the sanctuary towards her.
Suddenly, Stan stops!
His eyes meet hers, his words equally soft and kind, “This community here, is a very fitting memorial to your dad. It’s difficult to find words that can only be adequately expressed through tears. But I’m sure your dad would be extremely pleased and content, knowing that he has a daughter as fine as you.”
George Olitz is also extremely pleased, knowing he is raising a son as fine as Stan. Stan is without question the best there is as far as computers are concerned. But his intelligence far exceeds that. He has a vast accumulation of knowledge in a wide array of subjects. As Fernye continually says, there is not a thing that Stan does not know something about, and there are several things he knew everything about.
Above all, Stan is the perfect gentleman. He not only is polite, but he's also very eloquent in speech. The ladies in Silver Crowns, especially like him. He knows how to compliment someone. And those distinguished ladies in the Silver Crowns, say they have never in their lifetime met anyone quite like Stan. Everyone loves Stan.
Shannon smiles, “I can’t seem to get this hooked up properly. I’m sure it would be a snap for you, Stan.”
Stan politely accepts, “Say no more …I’d love to help you!”
Stan makes it look easy, yet Shannon is sure that if she was to attempt it again, she still would be unable to do it. Mom had asked her to review the New Tribes Mission tape …to see if it is fit for children to view.
Cindy feels that the Bible contains much violence that's not suitable to depict for children. She feels that if God had intended to show us the graphic violence, He would have provided us with a video, instead of the written Word. God’s Word does not fail to show us how thoroughly evil things can become if we are without God in our lives, but His Word focuses on the consequences of evil, not the evil itself. And Mom trusts Shannon’s discretion in this area.
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XXIII
Richard looks confused, "I thought you said he didn't stop, he kept on going?"
Kalie continues to smile, "He did ...but it so happens that the same guy was leaving this hospital when I came in."
Richard looks into his daughter's soft eyes, "What did you say to him?"
Kalie almost laughs, "Well, what do you think I said to him? I gave him a pamphlet about the Roman road and told him to drive safe. The way he drives, he may not live long, so I wanted him to know how much God loves him."
Richard is prepared to listen, "What is the Roman road?"
Kalie had recently just found out herself, "Here, I believe I have an extra pamphlet with me. Let me show you."
The hospital wanted to keep Stan a day longer, for precautionary measures. But one more good night's rest and he is given a clean bill of health. Aidin is released that same day, doing well, all considered. George, on the other hand, has a rough go of it. At first, the Doctors are doubtful he will live. Now they say, he has shown signs of improvement and may be able to pull through ...though they're not sure what condition he will be in if he does pull through.
As a community of Christians, the walled community does not claim to idolize or elevate any individual, but if they did, in a mild sense of the word, George and Stan would be their heroes. Everyone in the community loves one another, but for George and Stan, there seems to be an extra special measure. A celebration is planned for Stan and Aidin when they return from the hospital, but not until after they all gather together in their church building to pray for George.
George shows marked improvement after that. Though everyone understands it may take time.
************
Shannon arises for an early morning ride, to watch the sunrise. She is grooming her horse, Malachi, as Cindy joins her at the barn with Leah, Josiah, and Samuel.
They really look forward to collecting the eggs, and are comical the way they are so delicate with them. Cindy is convinced that since she has resolved to stay at home, in the community, it seems to have affected the children's character. They seem so peaceful and content.
Cindy had declined to go on the different "missions of love", as they would call them, into the outside community. She'd done more than her share of that ...let someone else have a turn. Her purpose is to turn the hearts of her children, and she is happy to see she has turned it around with them. It seems to be working wonderfully. Yet, she is not able to escape the regrets. She wishes she'd been able to turn it around with Stephen, too.
385
There was a time when she had not been so distant. She recalls their courtship. She had felt on top of the world. Her dad had warned her of the West Nile virus, but their love, like many first loves, approached life as if they were invincible. The mosquitoes didn't seem to bother them much. They got bit, but their focus was on the beauty around them, and the beauty within. They would watch the sunset, then sit and talk, watching the moon's light gradually brighten, glistening across their already beaming faces.
They hadn't really felt invincible, they were just in love …and their focus was on each other. Their attention towards each other did not detract from their focus on the One who is invincible. They never ceased to pray to God. That's where the power of love is.
Cindy doesn't ever recall praying against the mosquitoes. She and Stephen merely formed their own swat team against that one. But they did pray about many other things, including the continuing turmoil in the Middle East. And at that time, the D.C. sniper was bringing a renewed fear to many. They prayed he'd soon be caught.
Their prayers were sincere, but so were their feelings towards each other. Soon they'd get caught up in the moment, looking into each other's eyes, forgetting the world and its problems.
Once they got married, things changed. They didn't look into each other's eyes as much. And the world events seemed to melt away into obscurity. Stephen had always listened to the news radio on his way to work, then the next day they'd discuss it and pray about it. But in view of the negative press over the 'Essence' prayer, she soon distanced herself from national issues, and created her own little world ...a world Stephen sadly was not a part of. She'd always be reporting her news, seldom giving opportunity for discussion. Between Stephen working and her running around, they both took care of the children, but only through taking turns, not together as a family.
Cindy wondered how others viewed life. There were those who blindly accepted, and just went with the changes. Others, like George and Stan, tried to change the world. But a few, like Cindy, just tried to ignore what was going on. There was a time she had tried to change it too, but those days were past. National and world events were not the only events excluded from her world. She had many regrets. She had also excluded her husband ---and isolated the children.
Much of the time the children were merely tag-a-longs. But that was about to change now. She couldn't be with Stephen, but she could live for the children. She'd create her own little world with them ---and for them. The walled community will serve them well. She'll make it a happy time for them. But deep inside, it still contains some sadness. Stephen is not here to share this with her.
386
Suddenly, Cindy catches a glimpse of something out of the corner of her eye. A blanket catches the air, draping itself over the rail.
The children begin to smile. They are familiar with this. They stop gathering eggs, to gather round. Three of those miniature stuffed animals appear on top of the rail, emerging from behind the blanket.
Cindy is also familiar with this. Stan often surprises the children with a skit of the three French barn cats. The children know all the cats' names, but a newcomer, a yellow bird, joins in. Pounce de Leon, pounces on the bird. The dad cat, Bonjour, and the mom cat, Mew Miaou, rush over to see what has just happened.
Their French kitten, Pounce de Leon, pretends to be rationalizing, "Mom, I know you told me to be a good kitty and leave the bird alone, but I only made a small movement. I didn't do a big pounce. I only made a very small movement ---for the bird's right wing."
With his bid for a French accent, Stan varies his voice for each cat, providing for very cute entertainment.
The French accent varies now, for a more masculine adult-like voice. The typical head movement is the cue for Bonjour's voice, "Leave the right wing alone. Go after the left wing." The feminine French accent, Mew Miaou, joins in, "Too political for me. I go after the head, not the wings."
Bonjour cautions, "Make sure you don't lose your head over it." Mew Miaou adds, "You know what they say, birds of a feather ...."
Bonjour finishes the sentence, "Stick together, ...yuck! And stick to your throat too! You're absolutely right ---I mean, I'm right. I mean, you're absolutely correct. Maybe we should go after the head."
Josiah laughs, mispronouncing it, "Pounce the Lion? And what is the bird's name? You didn't tell us the bird's name." Stan improvises, "King the Lewis."
Leah laughs, "You mean, Lewis the King?"
Stan smiles, "No, King the Lewis. One day the Lewis was taking a walk and Pounce the Lion jumped out of the bush, right on top of the Lewis." Josiah enthusiastically joins in, "What happened then?"
Stan broadens his smile, "Well, all the other birds tried to warn everyone by shouting, LION ON THE LEWIS!."
Shannon stops brushing Malachi for a minute to watch the skit too.
Cindy's smile is a guarded one. She thinks of how Shannon has grown, and shown much in the area of responsibility, insight, and wisdom. But until now, she has shown no real interest in boys. Her best friend has been her cousin, Moriah. But Moriah hasn't been around for a while, having joined her parents on another mission trip. Perhaps she will change her focus, and realize how special Stan is. But, that will be in Shannon's own time ...not anyone else's expectations.
387
Shannon had shown much interest in mission trips also, but Moriah is older. At least that's what Cindy keeps telling her. And Fernye also supports that argument, though she has whispered to Cindy that Shannon is actually older than when Moriah went on her first mission trip. Fernye won't bring that fact up though. She is usually all for proper adventures, but with Shannon, she is particularly protective.
Fernye had made mention that in a couple years, Shannon will most likely be drawn to another mission field. Cindy doesn't want to have any part of that conversation. She prefers that courtship not be referred to as a mission field. Looking at a field of eligible bachelors seems more like a worldly sense, while courtship should be an arrangement directed by God.
How had she phrased it? "And anything short of certainty of what God has arranged seems too 'people arranged' ---and that's scary."
Cindy recalls Fernye's response to that. She had heard it all before. It is clearly in her mind, as she hears it all over again, "It scared me too, with you and Stephen …especially since you didn't even like him from the start. But God arranged that, so don't you go scaring away what God might be arranging for sweet little innocent Shannon. It scares me too, yet there's a strange sort of peacefulness to it also. They've not even voiced any consideration of such intentions. Right now, it's just a shared appreciation of certain things, ---like horses."
Cindy watches her precious Shannon, innocently joining Stan behind the blanket to help perform the next skit. A shared appreciation …would it soon develop into an increased interest in each other's friendship? She wants to believe Shannon is still so young, but she really isn't.
Anyone would be happy for a friend with such wonderful character as Shannon. And any parent would be happy to raise a son as fine as this young man. George certainly had done a fine job in raising Stan. Why is it so scary to think of Shannon being courted by him in a couple years? It should be more of a scary thought that she'd be courted by someone other than Stan. That's the thought that Fernye had left Cindy with.
Cindy supposes that Fernye is right. But she doesn't really have to concern herself too much with it. As Moriah returns from the overseas mission, she and Shannon resume their active friendship. They spend every moment together. Shannon and Moriah ride horses together, they work in the barn together, they climb trees together ---especially that special tree house overlooking the entire community; and together they lead Leah, Josiah, and Samuel on special treasure hunts. All this takes place within the community, of course.
388
Shannon and Moriah share everything ---not only the happy, but the sad. The saddest thing is the day they have to bury Lark.
Cindy excludes Samuel from the actual burial, but she allows Leah and Josiah to attend. For weeks they continue to share memories of Lark. And each time they cry all over again. Samuel cries with them when they sit around and tell stories about their faithful dog.
Cindy knows the tears are for more than just the dog. Their emotions have been pent-up for a long time, without any real release. Somehow it seems easier to share about the dog.
************
While Shannon and Moriah are sharing their renewed friendship, Stan, on the other hand, is working extensively with George. When George got out of the hospital, he needed extensive care. And the extra care seemed to help him recover extra quickly.
Soon the two of them are once again preoccupied with their computers. Stan's skills on the computer far exceed those of George ---actually, his skills far exceed anyone that you can think of. And there is no better father-son team. They are the best!
Much had already been computerized …electronic payment of bills, special credit cards, all in the name of the changing times. George felt that all ideas were good, but 'better ' would be consolidating as many of those ideas as possible. There would always be those who resist, but time mostly takes care of those who fear progress.
More and more, as time goes on, coins and bills become obsolete. As George puts it, "In the name of progress, society is changing, and people will just have to adjust."
*******
It had been foretold for years. Only those in denial would claim this day would never come. But for George and Stan it is a day to reflect upon their combined achievements. It is a day to celebrate …a celebration of technologies they had a large part in bringing about.
George compares it to the year the Berlin Wall was torn down in 1989. That also stood as a milestone in history. And this present moment would go down in history also …as the end of the "cash society".
389
George doesn't stick around to celebrate much though. He has plans for his own mission trip of sorts. He had agreed to help Israel come up with a better plan for national security. In fact, there is talk that it might even be tried in our country on a volunteer, trial basis, in certain parts of our nation. Various installations in the country had already shown much committed interest.
Of course, Stan goes to Israel with George. In response to this, Fernye teases Cindy, "See, now Stan's going to have national attention, international even. You shouldn't have feared him getting together with Shannon. Now I'm afraid he's gotten away."
As Cindy drives home from their visit with Fernye, she reflects on how quickly Shannon has grown up. She had tried so hard to protect her innocence …and for the most part she feels she has succeeded. Shannon is such a proper young lady, and Cindy is pleased that this transition into adulthood has proved to be an easy transition so far. She only hopes it will be as easy for the other three children. Things are changing so quickly. How much different will things be for Leah when she will be facing the challenging prospects of adulthood? Well, that is still years away …no need to think about that!
Cindy turns on the Christian radio station for some good, wholesome message. It is a popular Christian speaker …she recognizes the voice, but can't recall his name. As they go to a commercial, to Cindy's surprise, they are talking about Liposuction.
She quickly reaches to turn it off, but mistakenly hits the wrong knob, switching it to another station.
In the back seat, Leah, Josiah, and Samuel are chattering and not seeming to pay attention …but, as is often the case, children will not even be paying attention to something until it is decided upon by an adult that a particular thing should not be seen or heard by a child, at which point, it suddenly becomes of interest to the child.
The children had not been paying attention until Mom abruptly hits the knob. Suddenly the back seat becomes quiet.
Cindy quickly tries to hit the knob again, but again she misfires, locating a station that is in high need of a lower volume adjustment. She quickly remedies her mistake, but it is too late.
She is not sure whether they heard it, but she is certain that if they had heard it, they would not understand what they'd heard.
Her fear is soon realized, as Josiah asks, "Leah, what exactly does diss--function mean?"
Josiah had been struggling with his pronunciation of words, but he pronounces that one fairly clear. Cindy is thankful that Josiah hadn't asked her the question, and listens to what kind of answer Leah will give.
390
Leah is a real reader. She likes to read anything she can get her hands on. She likes to be informative, "Dysfunction is when something isn't working or functioning right. A brain dysfunction is like when Grandpa can't remember where he put his glasses, when we ask him to read a book to us. I've heard him say that. And a dysfunctional family is one that doesn't work together the way it should."
Cindy wonders where Leah heard about dysfunctional families.
Josiah answers, "Our family is diss-functional …since Dad died."
This hurts! Cindy had hoped the children wouldn't perceive their family life in such an unhealthy fashion. She is painfully aware of how she'd messed up much in the past, but she is trying so hard to remedy that. And she feels she's doing a fairly good job.
Leah answers, "No family is perfect!"
Cindy is thankful for that acknowledgement.
Then Josiah repeats what he thought he'd heard, "But what is a eh-reptile diss-function?"
Cindy is so happy she'd not been asked that question. Yet, she fears what Leah knows; what Leah could possibly say.
Leah, eager to provide answers, quickly does, "It probably explains the dinosaurs. After Noah and the flood, there was less than there used to be. The big reptiles probably couldn't adapt, not getting as big anymore."
Josiah asks, "Do you think it had something to do with them getting old too?"
Leah is in agreement, "Probably."
Now, the news of her son paralyzes any thoughts of normal activity. Rational thoughts become irrational. Panic quickly sets in.
It's times like these that you need someone to totally take over. Through the years, Rebekkah had been there for her. She didn’t have to ask, Rebekkah just naturally always took over.
And the same was true of Cindy's dad. There is nothing of higher worth than the support he offered his daughter. Ken stood as a stalwart pillar.
But lost in it all, is Shannon. She still is unable to share how she feels. No one really quite knows how it is still affecting her, except God. God knows …God always knows. And that’s where Shannon turns.
Shannon had never shared how she felt. Expectations were always high. She knew it was expected of her to call him ‘Dad’, but she had so much locked inside her that she couldn’t express ...not knowing quite how to express it.
Shannon is directed to a separate area of the house with Leah and Josiah, so the adults can talk.
She watches Leah and Josiah play. As of yet, they have no clue of what has happened. Really, no one knows much …but Shannon does know things are not looking good. As Leah and Josiah play, she prays.
The television news reports, “There is a prisoner by the name of Amos Maccabee, who has escaped from Huron Valley Center prison late last evening. Initially, it was suspected that someone was behind the prison break, but we have some new developments. We are going to take you to Robin Seymore, at the Ann Arbor Burn Center."
320
Over the television screen, “This is Robin
Seymore, at the Ann Arbor Burn Center. The
word here is that two college age boys, both believed to be enrolled in the
University of Michigan, were putting the finishing touches on a rocket they
were building. A girlfriend of one of
the students said it was supposed to be launched this coming New Year’s Eve,
equipped with several side launchers, to explode into the sky for a fireworks
extravaganza. But there will be no New
Year’s Eve celebration for these two. The one has lost his sight and one leg, but is
expected to survive. The condition of the other is uncertain, other
than the fact that he is still fighting for his life. As is
the case with a large number of burn victims, this one is also a result of a careless
cigarette smoker. Thankfully, in this case, there was a third
party present who was able to act quickly.
Rescue teams always have a very difficult job, but their main concern is
that they’re called in time, so they can do their job. In this case, they were able to save a life, and
hopefully they will be able to save two.
This is Robin Seymore, at the Ann
Arbor Burn Center. Back to you, Loren.”
“Thank you, Robin. It appears that this is not a case of a planned prison escape, but rather an eventual expected outcome in the life of, by definition, what we would call an opportunist. An opportunist's actions are guided ---or should we say, misguided ---by circumstances, or as we say, opportunities. Opportunists will use any available opportunity to further their interests without regard to possible eventual consequences. That attitude breeds criminal behavior and has landed many of them here. To many, prison is the ultimate consequence, and that present reality fuels an even more driven desire to rectify what they consider an unfortunate interruption in their life. They will never admit that their plan was wrong, and they will continually pursue it, at any cost. They will even tell you, "I have nothing to lose!" And they have a lifetime to wait …for that one moment. Sooner or later someone will mess up, or an opportunity will present itself …and they will not hesitate to take that calculated chance, irregardless of the cost to them or others. So, the authorities are asking everyone to be on heightened alert. This man is unpredictable and is to be considered extremely dangerous. I've just been told by our investigative team of further developments in this story, so we will take you to Bill Underwood.”
321
“Thank you, Robin. It appears that this is not a case of a planned prison escape, but rather an eventual expected outcome in the life of, by definition, what we would call an opportunist. An opportunist's actions are guided ---or should we say, misguided ---by circumstances, or as we say, opportunities. Opportunists will use any available opportunity to further their interests without regard to possible eventual consequences. That attitude breeds criminal behavior and has landed many of them here. To many, prison is the ultimate consequence, and that present reality fuels an even more driven desire to rectify what they consider an unfortunate interruption in their life. They will never admit that their plan was wrong, and they will continually pursue it, at any cost. They will even tell you, "I have nothing to lose!" And they have a lifetime to wait …for that one moment. Sooner or later someone will mess up, or an opportunity will present itself …and they will not hesitate to take that calculated chance, irregardless of the cost to them or others. So, the authorities are asking everyone to be on heightened alert. This man is unpredictable and is to be considered extremely dangerous. I've just been told by our investigative team of further developments in this story, so we will take you to Bill Underwood.”
321
“This is Bill Underwood. One of our reporters has just visited the hospital in Saline where the injured perimeter guard was taken to. She says she was not allowed to talk directly to the guard, but was told by a visiting security officer that the guard was taking aim at the escaping prisoner, who had stepped beyond the perimeter, when he was grabbed from behind. The guard was unable to remember anything after that, but he has sustained a couple broken ribs and a mild concussion. I am presently outside of Huron Valley Center. We can’t get near enough to see the damage, but I am told the cost may be astronomical. Many of the prison workers have been here for over twenty-four hours. Just now, are they allowing some of those employees to alternate for a couple hours break until they can get additional help in here. I have here, a gentleman by the name of Casey. Now Casey, is it correct that you were told not to talk with anyone from the press or media?”
Casey laughs, “That’s one of their policies, they say. They say they will eventually designate one of their administrative people to talk with you, but they will only report what they want you to hear. I believe the public has a right to know the full story.”
Bill Underwood: “And you were actually working on the unit where the explosion took place last evening?”
Casey: “That’s correct.”
Bill Underwood: “So, Casey, tell us what happened. The public, myself included, not only feel we have the right to know, but we are grateful you’ve stepped forward to share this information with us.”
Casey: “The explosion rocked the place. It about knocked me down. All I could see at the end of one hall was smoke and flames. I checked to see if my supervisor and other co-worker were okay. Once I saw they were okay, my next concern was the safety of the prisoners. I began evacuation procedures. A few of the prisoners were trapped behind the fiery blaze. The heat was so intense, I almost passed out, but the fire extinguisher finally did the trick. Once the Security Supervisor said the threat of fire was over, we top-locked the prisoners in their rooms. One prisoner, Amos Maccabee, or as he calls himself, Tennessee Trucker, was missing. Our employee count showed that my co-worker, Stephen Razohn, was also missing. By himself, Tennessee Trucker, is not very capable. He can be very dangerous, but it is my opinion that he is not intelligent enough to successfully escape and continue to elude the police."
Bill Underwood: "Is it of your opinion that Stephen Razohn helped Amos Maccabee escape?"
322
Casey: "Everyone who works here is always considered a qualified professional. This investigation will be based upon fact, not opinions. But the fact is, we deal with emergencies every day. And in providing a secure prison, we act professionally …so even in situations like this, prison breaks don't usually happen, unless someone from the inside helps. That is just a fact. Relationships and friendships are not supposed to be formed between guards and prisoners, but it does happen. Didn't you mention that one of your reporters stated that the guard was grabbed from behind as he took aim at the escaping prisoner?"
Bill Underwood (aside): “Amos Maccabee is a criminal …that we know. Stephen Razohn, we don't know …but lots of people, including the Department of Corrections are very interested in knowing. And we should know too. It is our right to know. We have the right to be protected from this sort of thing happening."
Ruth turns off the television. She can take no more of this.
Cindy and Ruth hug …and cry.
Rebekkah turns to Ken, “An opportunist, they say! Who I consider the real opportunists are the reporters. They grasp the opportunity and they don’t care who they hurt.”
Bill Underwood (aside): “Amos Maccabee is a criminal …that we know. Stephen Razohn, we don't know …but lots of people, including the Department of Corrections are very interested in knowing. And we should know too. It is our right to know. We have the right to be protected from this sort of thing happening."
Ruth turns off the television. She can take no more of this.
Cindy and Ruth hug …and cry.
Rebekkah turns to Ken, “An opportunist, they say! Who I consider the real opportunists are the reporters. They grasp the opportunity and they don’t care who they hurt.”
******************
Cindy does not sleep well. But she doesn’t want to get up either. If good news is at all possible …they will tell her.
As the children get up, Cindy reluctantly joins them as she tends to their needs. She ushers them into the kitchen to get some breakfast. Ruth and Rebekkah are there, and have already prepared a full meal. Ruth sits heavy-hearted, with her head in her hands. Rebekkah is on the telephone, talking very assertively.
Cindy had never seen Rebekkah like this before. Rebekkah nearly shouts into the phone, “I don’t care! That’s not responsible reporting! That’s defamation of character. That's not just reporting the news, that's sensationalism. You’re so eager to get a story, you're willing to compromise the truth. I’ll shut you down! Then we’ll see where your story gets you.”
As the children get up, Cindy reluctantly joins them as she tends to their needs. She ushers them into the kitchen to get some breakfast. Ruth and Rebekkah are there, and have already prepared a full meal. Ruth sits heavy-hearted, with her head in her hands. Rebekkah is on the telephone, talking very assertively.
Cindy had never seen Rebekkah like this before. Rebekkah nearly shouts into the phone, “I don’t care! That’s not responsible reporting! That’s defamation of character. That's not just reporting the news, that's sensationalism. You’re so eager to get a story, you're willing to compromise the truth. I’ll shut you down! Then we’ll see where your story gets you.”
323
So many stories are going around. Even at church, the stories circulate. Fernye had heard that Lisa Stone has missed several days of work. No one has seen her ….and she doesn’t answer any of their calls. That is still a loose end.
The authorities are working quickly and several surprises are rumored to be trickling in. Sadly, the church is helping add to those rumors. Word is that the Director of Huron Valley Center prison, Frank Bodin, has been arrested. That surprise quickly makes the national news. But other surprises are crucial to keep off the news ….like the one that the authorities have planned for Trucker.
They have a list of contacts, and are awaiting his arrival in Tennessee. They believe they have a firm handle on it. But they are the ones who are soon surprised. It so happens that it is not Tennessee Trucker who is missing. It is Crazy Larry.
Rebekkah is furious! How could they have made that mistake?
This latest news is not well-received by Stephen's family. That bit of hope that they'd been clinging onto is now quickly diminishing. They aren't even close to the possibility of retrieving Stephen. Certainly the family is even more desperate than the authorities for him to be found, and eager for his innocence to be declared. But it doesn't seem to be any time soon forthcoming.
Rebekkah makes some more phone calls. Cindy is witnessing something that she'd never known about Rebekkah. She is definitely a take-charge person. Cindy wants to go home, but Rebekkah tells her it is too easy for someone to find an address. Having Stephen’s name, they may decide to go to the house, or call and demand money. Hostage situations can get really ugly. But Cindy notices something about Rebekkah that she feels is not just her imagination. It appears that Rebekkah is less concerned now that it has been revealed that it is Crazy Larry, not Tennessee Trucker that is missing.
Cindy doesn't understand any of this. It is maddening to consider all that has transpired. They had wasted all this time looking in Tennessee. Now she hears that Crazy Larry was from Maine. Way too much time has passed. He could have made it all the way to Maine by now.
They should have been waiting for him in Maine. How could they have so thoroughly messed this all up? Rebekkah is certain to find out. She demands answers. And she gets them. Apparently, Casey and his supervisor were not telling the story the way it had happened. They were telling it so they didn’t look bad. Much had to have gone wrong and they couldn’t have done their job right. They did not do a thorough count. And how did Tennessee Trucker get locked in Crazy Larry’s room? How did it take so long for them to notice their mistake?
The authorities are working quickly and several surprises are rumored to be trickling in. Sadly, the church is helping add to those rumors. Word is that the Director of Huron Valley Center prison, Frank Bodin, has been arrested. That surprise quickly makes the national news. But other surprises are crucial to keep off the news ….like the one that the authorities have planned for Trucker.
They have a list of contacts, and are awaiting his arrival in Tennessee. They believe they have a firm handle on it. But they are the ones who are soon surprised. It so happens that it is not Tennessee Trucker who is missing. It is Crazy Larry.
Rebekkah is furious! How could they have made that mistake?
This latest news is not well-received by Stephen's family. That bit of hope that they'd been clinging onto is now quickly diminishing. They aren't even close to the possibility of retrieving Stephen. Certainly the family is even more desperate than the authorities for him to be found, and eager for his innocence to be declared. But it doesn't seem to be any time soon forthcoming.
Rebekkah makes some more phone calls. Cindy is witnessing something that she'd never known about Rebekkah. She is definitely a take-charge person. Cindy wants to go home, but Rebekkah tells her it is too easy for someone to find an address. Having Stephen’s name, they may decide to go to the house, or call and demand money. Hostage situations can get really ugly. But Cindy notices something about Rebekkah that she feels is not just her imagination. It appears that Rebekkah is less concerned now that it has been revealed that it is Crazy Larry, not Tennessee Trucker that is missing.
Cindy doesn't understand any of this. It is maddening to consider all that has transpired. They had wasted all this time looking in Tennessee. Now she hears that Crazy Larry was from Maine. Way too much time has passed. He could have made it all the way to Maine by now.
They should have been waiting for him in Maine. How could they have so thoroughly messed this all up? Rebekkah is certain to find out. She demands answers. And she gets them. Apparently, Casey and his supervisor were not telling the story the way it had happened. They were telling it so they didn’t look bad. Much had to have gone wrong and they couldn’t have done their job right. They did not do a thorough count. And how did Tennessee Trucker get locked in Crazy Larry’s room? How did it take so long for them to notice their mistake?
324
*****************
Life sometimes has strange and almost unbelievable connections. One of the most bizarre of these connections is between Rebekkah and Crazy Larry. She doesn’t discuss it. To see her react when she'd heard it was Crazy Larry who had escaped, you’d think she really feared him and what he may do. But nothing could be further from the truth. Rebekkah trusts Larry. Her concern is with those who want to conceal Larry's true identity. She definitely does not trust them. The problem is that so far they'd been successful in concealing not only his identity, but also the reason why.
Rebekkah does not consider her connection with Crazy Larry to be bizarre. She looks at it as directed by God. Only Ruth and a few other people know of her connection to Larry. That connection had actually brought about a bit of salvation to Rebekkah’s life. But it hadn't helped Larry's lot in life. He had been sent from a Mental Institution to prison. Rebekkah had tried to get Larry acquitted, but she was not successful. It was rare that she did not achieve what she set out to do. And she is still very unhappy and upset about that!
This bit of knowledge she would not share with Cindy. And though it comforted Rebekkah somewhat, it did not bring her any closer to finding Stephen. Too much time had passed while looking in Tennessee. Yet, still, Rebekkah is comforted by the fact that she doesn’t believe Crazy Larry will hurt Stephen. She doesn’t believe he’d intentionally hurt anyone.
Rebekkah knows this is a job she wants to do herself. She laughs when people talk about their own mid-life crisis. She would typically be approaching an old-age crisis, but she won’t accept it. At 75 years of age, she still gets around pretty good.
Rebekkah makes a large donation to the church. Now she has the priest’s attention. She is able to direct her question in a careful manner, “I know that often you hear things that no one else hears. You are often the first consideration of those desperately seeking refuge, whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual. Has anyone come to you seeking help?”
The priest laughs, “Well, yes. Everyone seems to fit one of those categories.”
Rebekkah doesn’t know what she'd expected. She has to get to the point, “Okay, I’ll be more specific. Someone escaped from a Michigan prison and we have reason to believe they may be in this area.”
325
The priest explains, “Our town is close knit in many ways. We are not too large that things happen without at least someone knowing about it. And our town certainly is not exempt from many of the same things that happen in large cities. Yes, there are times only I know about such things. But you must understand, people come to me to confide in me. I cannot discuss those matters with you. You must understand.”
Rebekkah does understand. But it doesn’t make her any less mad. Yet, she has to consider who she is really mad at. When everything seems to go wrong, it’s because of a world of wrong. Thankfully though, we have a God of restoration.
Rebekkah sits outside on the church steps, contemplating all this. Restoration . . .isn’t that what everyone wants? Sadly enough . . .no, it isn’t.
Who will come to confess their sin? Rebekkah hopes the priest has many who will return to private confessions today. Let the guilt provide a few more moments of torment. Perhaps multiple confessions will be in order. Rebekkah hopes she is not the only one who feels this way.
The priest holds private confessions. Slowly, people arrive. Rebekkah thinks of the various atrocities that are committed each day. Those who commit them, have obviously moved far from God. Or could they possibly follow God, yet have an area of their life unresolved? And how long would it be unresolved? Rebekkah reflects on her own shortcomings, her own sins. With God, there is no small sin or big sin, it's all the same. It all fits into the category of …sin.
How easy it can be to drift away from God when we are not being held accountable …when we live in a society that does not guide us in attempts to achieve accountability. When we hold our own standard, interpretations of truth vary greatly. And by letting one of these variations get a foothold, which is a weakness by our very nature, we make it nearly impossible to surrender ourselves to Him.
Rebekkah has her Bible with her. She reads the end of the Book of Judges. Then she considers the things that even a man such as the beloved King David finds opportunity to commit. Sin and the occasions for it, never find themselves lacking. But the inclination to own up to it, becomes increasingly difficult. Yet, if we truly seek truth and the value of it, God will restore us, just as He restored King David.
Rebekkah turns to the Book of Psalms. She reads the words God brought to David. She finds comfort where David found comfort. She reads Psalm fifty-one, “. . .and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.”
Rebekkah does understand. But it doesn’t make her any less mad. Yet, she has to consider who she is really mad at. When everything seems to go wrong, it’s because of a world of wrong. Thankfully though, we have a God of restoration.
Rebekkah sits outside on the church steps, contemplating all this. Restoration . . .isn’t that what everyone wants? Sadly enough . . .no, it isn’t.
Who will come to confess their sin? Rebekkah hopes the priest has many who will return to private confessions today. Let the guilt provide a few more moments of torment. Perhaps multiple confessions will be in order. Rebekkah hopes she is not the only one who feels this way.
The priest holds private confessions. Slowly, people arrive. Rebekkah thinks of the various atrocities that are committed each day. Those who commit them, have obviously moved far from God. Or could they possibly follow God, yet have an area of their life unresolved? And how long would it be unresolved? Rebekkah reflects on her own shortcomings, her own sins. With God, there is no small sin or big sin, it's all the same. It all fits into the category of …sin.
How easy it can be to drift away from God when we are not being held accountable …when we live in a society that does not guide us in attempts to achieve accountability. When we hold our own standard, interpretations of truth vary greatly. And by letting one of these variations get a foothold, which is a weakness by our very nature, we make it nearly impossible to surrender ourselves to Him.
Rebekkah has her Bible with her. She reads the end of the Book of Judges. Then she considers the things that even a man such as the beloved King David finds opportunity to commit. Sin and the occasions for it, never find themselves lacking. But the inclination to own up to it, becomes increasingly difficult. Yet, if we truly seek truth and the value of it, God will restore us, just as He restored King David.
Rebekkah turns to the Book of Psalms. She reads the words God brought to David. She finds comfort where David found comfort. She reads Psalm fifty-one, “. . .and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.”
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She looks up as each person passes by. A woman in a long white dress passes by. Like others, she passes by with deliberate intent, not to be bothered. Like others, she avoids personal recognition, at all cost. Rebekkah feels she receives a shunning similar to what they may consider worthy of a vagrant. Rebekkah finds she can relate to the burdensome state of misery. It is difficult being in the judgement seat, either judging one’s own self too harshly, or avoiding the admission of guilt by judging others too harshly.
Rebekkah feels the pain of each who go inside. There is no comfort, nor should there be. Each must meet God where God stands.
Rebekkah finds comfort as she reads. She cross-references the section of Psalms with the first Chapter of the Book of Isaiah. As she finishes reading the chapter, the same woman with the long white dress emerges from the church. Her face is no longer troubled.
Rebekkah feels a breeze. The air is crisp and refreshing. The woman is alert and looking about, free from the restraints of one who struggles with unforgiveness. Free from the grasp of judgment, of self or others, the woman is free to speak, “Oh, I see you’re reading the Bible!”
Rebekkah finds herself free of the appearance of a vagrant, sitting on the church steps. Now they are on an equal standing. The woman can now share on a personal level, “It makes the whole difference, doesn’t it? I feel so much better. Last week the priest said I was too set in my ways. And he was right. I always sit on the left side of the church and go to the left confessional booth. I was so much un-right, I didn’t know what was left to my life. It seems silly, but I was so much left this and left that, I felt left out. But today, I wanted to get things right. So I sat on the right side, and went into the right confessional. I don’t know how to explain the feeling, but it seemed to make the whole difference. It just seemed to make everything right.
Rebekkah feels this isn’t right at all. Mixing too much of odd lots of tradition and habitual mind sets, too mindless open-mindedness and sadly superstitious.
Rebekkah doesn’t go there, “That’s a pretty white dress.”
The woman has long awaited any sort of compliment, “Yes, this is my favorite. I wish there were some way I could get the stain out though. Last week, a man lingered here. He had a bloody nose, and asked me for a Kleenex. I gave him my handkerchief. He said it was a re-occurring nosebleed he’d had for over a week and couldn’t get rid of it.”
Rebekkah usually tires of such unending trivial detail. It usually unnerves her to have to listen to such long-winded discourse, but on this occasion she is interested in every detail.
Rebekkah feels the pain of each who go inside. There is no comfort, nor should there be. Each must meet God where God stands.
Rebekkah finds comfort as she reads. She cross-references the section of Psalms with the first Chapter of the Book of Isaiah. As she finishes reading the chapter, the same woman with the long white dress emerges from the church. Her face is no longer troubled.
Rebekkah feels a breeze. The air is crisp and refreshing. The woman is alert and looking about, free from the restraints of one who struggles with unforgiveness. Free from the grasp of judgment, of self or others, the woman is free to speak, “Oh, I see you’re reading the Bible!”
Rebekkah finds herself free of the appearance of a vagrant, sitting on the church steps. Now they are on an equal standing. The woman can now share on a personal level, “It makes the whole difference, doesn’t it? I feel so much better. Last week the priest said I was too set in my ways. And he was right. I always sit on the left side of the church and go to the left confessional booth. I was so much un-right, I didn’t know what was left to my life. It seems silly, but I was so much left this and left that, I felt left out. But today, I wanted to get things right. So I sat on the right side, and went into the right confessional. I don’t know how to explain the feeling, but it seemed to make the whole difference. It just seemed to make everything right.
Rebekkah feels this isn’t right at all. Mixing too much of odd lots of tradition and habitual mind sets, too mindless open-mindedness and sadly superstitious.
Rebekkah doesn’t go there, “That’s a pretty white dress.”
The woman has long awaited any sort of compliment, “Yes, this is my favorite. I wish there were some way I could get the stain out though. Last week, a man lingered here. He had a bloody nose, and asked me for a Kleenex. I gave him my handkerchief. He said it was a re-occurring nosebleed he’d had for over a week and couldn’t get rid of it.”
Rebekkah usually tires of such unending trivial detail. It usually unnerves her to have to listen to such long-winded discourse, but on this occasion she is interested in every detail.
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The woman rambles on, “Been struck on the nose, he said. Must’ve been struck hard. He had this crazed look on his face. It so happens I used the same confessional as he did and I got this blood stain on my dress. I figure it came from the kneeler.”
Rebekkah shares with her some information which is known to do very well with stain-removal. The woman thanks her and they part company.
Rebekkah goes inside the church. She waits her turn. She is not without sin. She self-examines herself, and how sin has stained her life. She has experienced how sin clings on, even when readily confessed.
But she feels she has time enough to confess her sin, at another time. Her focus is elsewhere at this moment.
As she patiently awaits the person presently confessing their sins to the priest, she sits in the opposite booth. She gets a flashlight out of her purse, and carefully shines it on the padded kneeler.
Nothing.
But before she exits the booth, she fumbles with her purse and drops the flashlight.
Rebekkah gets down on her knees, groping around for the flashlight. Now where is it? It has to be here somewhere!
She finds a narrow space between the kneeler and the wall, just enough space to slide her hand down. But enough space to conceal a miniature flashlight . . .and a handkerchief. She quickly shines her flashlight on the handkerchief, the blood-stained handkerchief.
Rebekkah quickly departs the confessional booth. She is not of the faith that believes she must come to a priest with her sins. She believes that through the sacrifice and shed blood of Jesus, she gains direct access to God.
She recalls reading how Jesus dispersed a crowd of people who were about to stone a woman. Jesus then told the woman to go and sin no more. And what about the occasion when a man was sick of the palsy. Jesus told him that his sins were forgiven. Then He told him to get up and walk. Only once did Jesus tell someone to go to the priest. It was not to confess sin. Jesus told the lepers to go to the priests, to show themselves clean. As we go to the hospital to get permission to return back to work, they needed permission to physically return back to society, a clean bill of health.
Rebekkah is no longer in the extreme hurry. She sits down in the church and prays, thanking God for her discovery. Then she opens her Bible to a favorite area. Her bookmarker opens it up to the Gospel According to Matthew, Chapter six: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
She turns next to the Gospel According to Luke, Chapter seventeen, verses twelve through nineteen. She also considers, how did the apostles, ambassadors of Jesus Christ, teach forgiveness? Wasn’t it repentance, the direction of truth, the acceptance of truth, and restoration?
Rebekkah shares with her some information which is known to do very well with stain-removal. The woman thanks her and they part company.
Rebekkah goes inside the church. She waits her turn. She is not without sin. She self-examines herself, and how sin has stained her life. She has experienced how sin clings on, even when readily confessed.
But she feels she has time enough to confess her sin, at another time. Her focus is elsewhere at this moment.
As she patiently awaits the person presently confessing their sins to the priest, she sits in the opposite booth. She gets a flashlight out of her purse, and carefully shines it on the padded kneeler.
Nothing.
But before she exits the booth, she fumbles with her purse and drops the flashlight.
Rebekkah gets down on her knees, groping around for the flashlight. Now where is it? It has to be here somewhere!
She finds a narrow space between the kneeler and the wall, just enough space to slide her hand down. But enough space to conceal a miniature flashlight . . .and a handkerchief. She quickly shines her flashlight on the handkerchief, the blood-stained handkerchief.
Rebekkah quickly departs the confessional booth. She is not of the faith that believes she must come to a priest with her sins. She believes that through the sacrifice and shed blood of Jesus, she gains direct access to God.
She recalls reading how Jesus dispersed a crowd of people who were about to stone a woman. Jesus then told the woman to go and sin no more. And what about the occasion when a man was sick of the palsy. Jesus told him that his sins were forgiven. Then He told him to get up and walk. Only once did Jesus tell someone to go to the priest. It was not to confess sin. Jesus told the lepers to go to the priests, to show themselves clean. As we go to the hospital to get permission to return back to work, they needed permission to physically return back to society, a clean bill of health.
Rebekkah is no longer in the extreme hurry. She sits down in the church and prays, thanking God for her discovery. Then she opens her Bible to a favorite area. Her bookmarker opens it up to the Gospel According to Matthew, Chapter six: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
She turns next to the Gospel According to Luke, Chapter seventeen, verses twelve through nineteen. She also considers, how did the apostles, ambassadors of Jesus Christ, teach forgiveness? Wasn’t it repentance, the direction of truth, the acceptance of truth, and restoration?
328
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How do others deal with their sin, perhaps waiting several days for the scheduling of the booth times? Rebekkah looks again at the fifth Chapter of the Epistle of James. It is not a secret thing between you and a priest, or even necessarily the two of you and God. We are to confess our faults to one another …and pray for one another. Of course, we pray to God, confessing our sins. But it’s also about our relationships to one another, exercising the love God has taught us.
Rebekkah had written all these references down on the inside cover of her Bible. That was several years ago, when she’d attended a Bible study. She had been given the verses to look up and she had written them down, but she hadn’t looked them up. What the Bible study teacher said that following week really convicted her …emphasizing the importance of truly seeking Him. How can we say we are truly seeking Him if we don’t even find the time.
Rebekkah realizes that she is often guilty of this very thing. And it is mostly when we want something, like Rebekkah does now, that we more wholly turn to Him.
Rebekkah admits to God that she wants Him to show her that Crazy Larry had been here. But that would only be a stepping stone to her eventually finding Stephen. That is a good thing to ask of God, is it not?
The Bible study teacher had further recommended that we continually evaluate how well we are following Jesus. Often, in actuality, once we profess a commitment to follow Him, we seem to expect Him to bless us as He follows us …instead of following Him as we are supposed to.
The Bible study teacher was correct. The Bible study teacher was usually correct.
The Bible study teacher was …Fernye.
Rebekkah knows she’s guilty of much secrecy. She prays to God that the truth be revealed. She prays that the truth be revealed about Stephen’s disappearance. Or more accurately, that his appearance be revealed.
She tries not to get carried away with her wild notion. But it is possible. It’s possible that Crazy Larry visited the church. She is desperate for a lead. She wants to bring some hope to Ruth and Cindy, and of course, the children.
She feels she has it all figured out. Stephen had gotten blood on his work clothes. But since their washer was broken, Rebekkah had taken the clothes to wash them at her house.
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Too busy …always too busy. The laundry would have to wait an extra day. That had been Rebekkah’s thought. Then all this had happened.
She places renewed hope in her theory, but she wants to be sure. She calls to verify, “Do you recall whose blood got on Stephen’s work clothes?”
Cindy cannot remember, but asks Shannon and relays the message, “It was Crazy Larry’s. He had a bloody nose.”
Rebekkah had been neglectful in washing the clothes, but now is thankful for it. A bloody nose, a reoccurring bloody nose perhaps. She’d test the handkerchief against the blood on Stephen’s pants.
It does not take long for the DNA test results to come back. So much hope for a small lead …it is not Crazy Larry’s blood.
Josiah doesn’t understand, “Did you get mad at Dad?”
Cindy tries to understand her son, "Josiah, I never . . ."
Josiah had thought this through, “Dad always gets mad and leaves. But we always pray that he will come back …that he gets home safe.”
Cindy fights back the tears. It was their verbal fights, arguments, that Josiah was referring to. Josiah is right. There always seemed to be tension between them just before Stephen had to leave for work. Josiah didn’t understand the concept of work. But he did understand when things got tense around the house. Cindy tries to explain, "Dad didn’t leave every day because he was mad . . ."
Josiah still has the one image in his mind, the look of Dad being tense, “Why doesn’t Dad get mad at work and leave them? Maybe Dad is home and praying we get home safe. I want to go home!”
Leah joins in the frustration, “I want to go home too. I miss Dad.”
Cindy realizes this can’t go on. She has to tell them something, but what? The truth?
She decides to tell a story first. Leah and Josiah had seen the cartoon video many times at home. They know the story. Cindy opens her Bible and reads the story to them. It is the story of the Good Samaritan.
Leah and Josiah listen to the story attentively. Then Cindy adds, “Daddy got hurt like the man in the story did. But when Daddy cried out for help, no one helped. Then he got so weak that no one could hear him cry for help. And we don’t know where he is.”
Leah scrunches her little forehead into a frown-line, “Jesus can hear him cry. Why doesn’t Jesus help Dad?”
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She places renewed hope in her theory, but she wants to be sure. She calls to verify, “Do you recall whose blood got on Stephen’s work clothes?”
Cindy cannot remember, but asks Shannon and relays the message, “It was Crazy Larry’s. He had a bloody nose.”
Rebekkah had been neglectful in washing the clothes, but now is thankful for it. A bloody nose, a reoccurring bloody nose perhaps. She’d test the handkerchief against the blood on Stephen’s pants.
It does not take long for the DNA test results to come back. So much hope for a small lead …it is not Crazy Larry’s blood.
Josiah doesn’t understand, “Did you get mad at Dad?”
Cindy tries to understand her son, "Josiah, I never . . ."
Josiah had thought this through, “Dad always gets mad and leaves. But we always pray that he will come back …that he gets home safe.”
Cindy fights back the tears. It was their verbal fights, arguments, that Josiah was referring to. Josiah is right. There always seemed to be tension between them just before Stephen had to leave for work. Josiah didn’t understand the concept of work. But he did understand when things got tense around the house. Cindy tries to explain, "Dad didn’t leave every day because he was mad . . ."
Josiah still has the one image in his mind, the look of Dad being tense, “Why doesn’t Dad get mad at work and leave them? Maybe Dad is home and praying we get home safe. I want to go home!”
Leah joins in the frustration, “I want to go home too. I miss Dad.”
Cindy realizes this can’t go on. She has to tell them something, but what? The truth?
She decides to tell a story first. Leah and Josiah had seen the cartoon video many times at home. They know the story. Cindy opens her Bible and reads the story to them. It is the story of the Good Samaritan.
Leah and Josiah listen to the story attentively. Then Cindy adds, “Daddy got hurt like the man in the story did. But when Daddy cried out for help, no one helped. Then he got so weak that no one could hear him cry for help. And we don’t know where he is.”
Leah scrunches her little forehead into a frown-line, “Jesus can hear him cry. Why doesn’t Jesus help Dad?”
330
Cindy doesn’t know what to say, but words come nonetheless, “Yes, God can always hear us cry. Maybe God is helping Dad. Maybe God will bring Dad food like He did for Elijah. Remember the story of Elijah? God had ravens bring Elijah food to eat when Elijah was all by himself.”
Leah recalls, “Dad told the story to us. He said Elijah was raven—ous. That means, real hungry.”
Cindy smiles as they smile at the mention of Dad, but Cindy feels bad. How much liberty had she taken in trying to tell them that their Dad was hurt and missing? And what about the part where God was taking care of him? Well, that would be true in either occasion. If Stephen is alive, God will be keeping him alive. And if Stephen isn’t alive, he’s even more alive. Stephen would be with God and he certainly would be taken care of. Yes, that understanding is critically important ...never lose focus on that truth. It is difficult enough knowing and living the truth. But why? Jesus said the truth shall make us free.
Cindy realizes that the longer Stephen remains missing, it becomes less and less likely that they will ever locate him. And the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, may never be known. But maybe it’s best that way for the children. Maybe it’s best for all of them. It is not the truth about Stephen that will set them free.
She realizes that she must focus on the truths of God. We establish our own purposes and when we lose them, we find ourselves without purpose. But we must realize our only purpose is to live for the truths of God ...and to pass that purpose on to our children, the design purposed in our creation.
Cindy is afraid to return to her house. She is not certain why. Maybe it reminds her too much of the struggles she and Stephen had. Maybe she feels she needs Ruth at this time and Ruth needs her. It’s probably also that the timing is not right to go back home. When the timing is right, she will return to the house. Maybe after the baby is born.
No, what is she thinking? She wants to go back now. Stephen is a part of all of their lives. She can’t cope by running away. It’s not fair to herself, or to the children to create a fake reality. With all this stress, she is not of a sound mind. But she has to get her act together for the children’s sake.
Leah recalls, “Dad told the story to us. He said Elijah was raven—ous. That means, real hungry.”
Cindy smiles as they smile at the mention of Dad, but Cindy feels bad. How much liberty had she taken in trying to tell them that their Dad was hurt and missing? And what about the part where God was taking care of him? Well, that would be true in either occasion. If Stephen is alive, God will be keeping him alive. And if Stephen isn’t alive, he’s even more alive. Stephen would be with God and he certainly would be taken care of. Yes, that understanding is critically important ...never lose focus on that truth. It is difficult enough knowing and living the truth. But why? Jesus said the truth shall make us free.
Cindy realizes that the longer Stephen remains missing, it becomes less and less likely that they will ever locate him. And the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, may never be known. But maybe it’s best that way for the children. Maybe it’s best for all of them. It is not the truth about Stephen that will set them free.
She realizes that she must focus on the truths of God. We establish our own purposes and when we lose them, we find ourselves without purpose. But we must realize our only purpose is to live for the truths of God ...and to pass that purpose on to our children, the design purposed in our creation.
Cindy is afraid to return to her house. She is not certain why. Maybe it reminds her too much of the struggles she and Stephen had. Maybe she feels she needs Ruth at this time and Ruth needs her. It’s probably also that the timing is not right to go back home. When the timing is right, she will return to the house. Maybe after the baby is born.
No, what is she thinking? She wants to go back now. Stephen is a part of all of their lives. She can’t cope by running away. It’s not fair to herself, or to the children to create a fake reality. With all this stress, she is not of a sound mind. But she has to get her act together for the children’s sake.
331
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Rebekkah had become a big part of Stephen’s life. Not her own son, Stephen, but of Stephen Junior Razohn’s life. She had done a better job acting like what she wasn’t …than acting the role of what she was. She took on the role of a Grandma, while denying that she was a Mom.
Shannon wanted to know more about this home where Grandma had raised her two children, one of whom she was supposed to affectionately call “Dad”. He had adopted her, but she'd never shown her acceptance of him. But now that he wasn’t here, she wanted to bond with him in the only way she could.
Grandma Razohn found it painful to talk about her son, still facing the unknowns about his tragic disappearance. But she knew the pain was not hers alone. It was extremely difficult communicating all this to Lorvin and Aleah. They had taken a trip to Haiti to help establish a church there. They had also taken Moriah with them. This was particularly hard on Aleah. As brother and sister, she and Stephen were extremely close while growing up, almost inseparable.
It wasn’t quite as difficult answering Shannon’s questions. Her questions were about how Ruth raised her son, and what his interests were while growing up.
Grandma mentions the small wooded area at the back of the seven acres, just up the hill from the lake. She warns Shannon not to go near the lake. The lake is surrounded by swamp and muck. They used to refer to it as Quicksand Lake.
Shannon stays clear of the area near the lake. She is drawn to an area at the top of the hill. The majestic stature of the towering spruce trees, circle about with old tired branches drooping down to the ground, yet pushing forth new growth to the skies.
She crawls beneath the branches and enters a small arena. There stands the mighty oak! An old weathered rope dangles from its side. Last year, she wouldn't have even attempted the climb, but a growth spurt has given her the added stretch as well as the added strength. She leaps with confidence, grasping the end of the rope.
She pulls herself up, climbing the rope several feet until she reaches a crudely constructed ladder. This makes her ascent easier. After the ladder stops, the climb continues by grasping onto several dominate branches.
Shannon wanted to know more about this home where Grandma had raised her two children, one of whom she was supposed to affectionately call “Dad”. He had adopted her, but she'd never shown her acceptance of him. But now that he wasn’t here, she wanted to bond with him in the only way she could.
Grandma Razohn found it painful to talk about her son, still facing the unknowns about his tragic disappearance. But she knew the pain was not hers alone. It was extremely difficult communicating all this to Lorvin and Aleah. They had taken a trip to Haiti to help establish a church there. They had also taken Moriah with them. This was particularly hard on Aleah. As brother and sister, she and Stephen were extremely close while growing up, almost inseparable.
It wasn’t quite as difficult answering Shannon’s questions. Her questions were about how Ruth raised her son, and what his interests were while growing up.
Grandma mentions the small wooded area at the back of the seven acres, just up the hill from the lake. She warns Shannon not to go near the lake. The lake is surrounded by swamp and muck. They used to refer to it as Quicksand Lake.
Shannon stays clear of the area near the lake. She is drawn to an area at the top of the hill. The majestic stature of the towering spruce trees, circle about with old tired branches drooping down to the ground, yet pushing forth new growth to the skies.
She crawls beneath the branches and enters a small arena. There stands the mighty oak! An old weathered rope dangles from its side. Last year, she wouldn't have even attempted the climb, but a growth spurt has given her the added stretch as well as the added strength. She leaps with confidence, grasping the end of the rope.
She pulls herself up, climbing the rope several feet until she reaches a crudely constructed ladder. This makes her ascent easier. After the ladder stops, the climb continues by grasping onto several dominate branches.
332
Shannon tries not to look down. She continues her ascent to a platform. The platform has an opening at the bottom. She quickly climbs through the opening to a more secure position within the tree house. The tree house has walls on all four sides and a shingled roof.
She looks out a window facing the hillside towards the house. The dark backdrop of the old spruces makes the treehouse mostly invisible. And the boards had been stained in a dark hue of green.
Shannon experiences a remarkable feeling from this vantage point. Though she had never let Dad into her life, she now feels Dad had left her a part of him, beyond what anyone else may ever know. But in reality, she realizes that God has provided this. And she feels a special bond with God …and Dad at this moment.
She feels sadness, joy, and excitement all at the same time. She cries. For every teardrop that falls, she is filled with oceans of love ... a love for a Dad that until now, she had never let into her heart.
She looks around eagerly for what revelation would next touch her heart. There is a crude, yet functional desk that sits before the window. Writing materials still set upon the desk. Yet the only design as of late, are those lines woven into a spider’s web across the corner of the desk. Those strands glisten in the sunlight.
The only other piece of furniture, not that this small room could hold much, is a bench of sorts, covered by an old rug. The bench appears to be of an odd, sloping sort of bench. Shannon lifts up the old rug and discovers it’s not a bench after all, but a chest.
At the back of the chest is a pile of acorns and hulls. The chest is identical to the one she had discovered yesterday in Grandma Razohn’s attic. This chest also has a key resting in the lock, like the other one had. And just like the one in the attic, the key does not open the chest.
Shannon remembers what Grandma had said: not to be discouraged, you never know what treasures a key will unlock. But that key hadn’t helped unlock her imagination. And this key didn’t open anything either. She doesn’t let the chest occupy her thoughts. The view from up here is spectacular. She slips the key into her right pocket as she approaches the window. She hears a clink.
She stops suddenly, in the middle of the room. Her excitement takes over. The key to the attic chest is still in her pocket, from where she had placed it yesterday. Now, one thought occupies her thoughts. Will the key open this chest?
Shannon’s excitement peaks as she inserts the key …the chest opens!
Inside the chest are drawings …perhaps a treasure map. No, it appears to be the plans for a building project. A sort of community building project.
Shannon cannot describe it. She will have to show Mom and Grandma Razohn.
She looks out a window facing the hillside towards the house. The dark backdrop of the old spruces makes the treehouse mostly invisible. And the boards had been stained in a dark hue of green.
Shannon experiences a remarkable feeling from this vantage point. Though she had never let Dad into her life, she now feels Dad had left her a part of him, beyond what anyone else may ever know. But in reality, she realizes that God has provided this. And she feels a special bond with God …and Dad at this moment.
She feels sadness, joy, and excitement all at the same time. She cries. For every teardrop that falls, she is filled with oceans of love ... a love for a Dad that until now, she had never let into her heart.
She looks around eagerly for what revelation would next touch her heart. There is a crude, yet functional desk that sits before the window. Writing materials still set upon the desk. Yet the only design as of late, are those lines woven into a spider’s web across the corner of the desk. Those strands glisten in the sunlight.
The only other piece of furniture, not that this small room could hold much, is a bench of sorts, covered by an old rug. The bench appears to be of an odd, sloping sort of bench. Shannon lifts up the old rug and discovers it’s not a bench after all, but a chest.
At the back of the chest is a pile of acorns and hulls. The chest is identical to the one she had discovered yesterday in Grandma Razohn’s attic. This chest also has a key resting in the lock, like the other one had. And just like the one in the attic, the key does not open the chest.
Shannon remembers what Grandma had said: not to be discouraged, you never know what treasures a key will unlock. But that key hadn’t helped unlock her imagination. And this key didn’t open anything either. She doesn’t let the chest occupy her thoughts. The view from up here is spectacular. She slips the key into her right pocket as she approaches the window. She hears a clink.
She stops suddenly, in the middle of the room. Her excitement takes over. The key to the attic chest is still in her pocket, from where she had placed it yesterday. Now, one thought occupies her thoughts. Will the key open this chest?
Shannon’s excitement peaks as she inserts the key …the chest opens!
Inside the chest are drawings …perhaps a treasure map. No, it appears to be the plans for a building project. A sort of community building project.
Shannon cannot describe it. She will have to show Mom and Grandma Razohn.
333
Shannon rolls up the sheets of paper. She slides them down the back of her shirt, then climbs through the platform hole, onto the branch, then down the tree.
She hurries to show the drawings to Mom and Grandma. And they are happy to see how much interest she has generated.
Shannon suddenly is about to cry. She had never shared with Mom about Dad.
Shannon leaves the room with her joy and sorrow. But she also leaves them with enough conversation to remain oblivious to the fact that she had left. That’s okay, her mind is elsewhere anyway. She heads to the attic.
Shannon reaches into her pocket to retrieve the key she had found in the tree-house. The attic key had worked in the tree-house chest. She is confident that the key from there will work in this chest.
She is so eager, she drops the key.
There are so many things stashed away in this attic ...it would be difficult to find anything. The key … where is the key? Where did it fall?
She drops to her knees. She can’t seem to find the key, but she persists. It must be here someplace.
There it is!
This time she slows down and takes great care to insert the key in the lock. It opens ---yes!
Shannon’s joy is for double pleasure for a double treasure. But unlike the drawings, this treasure needs no explanation. This chest contains mostly newspaper clippings.
December 26th 2004, Tsunami takes the lives of 140 thousand plus, and millions are left homeless.
A manila envelope contains a cassette tape, labeled: January 24th 2005, Oprah Winfrey ...Horrific genocide going on in Sudan.
More newspaper clippings: Israel leaves the Gaza Strip …..No peace between Israel and Lebanon, yet fighting is repressed.
Hurricane Katrina, no mercy, yet countless show mercy.
Shannon lifts the stack of random newspaper articles, setting them aside. Dad must have gone through the clippings shortly before he'd disappeared, the most recent articles on the bottom.
Hillary Clinton, April 2008: Will she be able to reconcile and salvage their party, bringing strength to Obama against the McCain campaign?
Myanmar government refuses relief efforts.
China …shock, and aftershock.
Stock market woes!
Beneath all those clippings are a stack of notebooks. She lifts the top notebook, and tilts it towards the dim light. She recognizes Dad’s writing.
Dad had handwritten the title in ink: The Essence .
Shannon needs no explanation for that. She knows the reference. He must have written it after the prayer in school fiasco, right before he and Mom got married.
She hurries to show the drawings to Mom and Grandma. And they are happy to see how much interest she has generated.
Shannon suddenly is about to cry. She had never shared with Mom about Dad.
Shannon leaves the room with her joy and sorrow. But she also leaves them with enough conversation to remain oblivious to the fact that she had left. That’s okay, her mind is elsewhere anyway. She heads to the attic.
Shannon reaches into her pocket to retrieve the key she had found in the tree-house. The attic key had worked in the tree-house chest. She is confident that the key from there will work in this chest.
She is so eager, she drops the key.
There are so many things stashed away in this attic ...it would be difficult to find anything. The key … where is the key? Where did it fall?
She drops to her knees. She can’t seem to find the key, but she persists. It must be here someplace.
There it is!
This time she slows down and takes great care to insert the key in the lock. It opens ---yes!
Shannon’s joy is for double pleasure for a double treasure. But unlike the drawings, this treasure needs no explanation. This chest contains mostly newspaper clippings.
December 26th 2004, Tsunami takes the lives of 140 thousand plus, and millions are left homeless.
A manila envelope contains a cassette tape, labeled: January 24th 2005, Oprah Winfrey ...Horrific genocide going on in Sudan.
More newspaper clippings: Israel leaves the Gaza Strip …..No peace between Israel and Lebanon, yet fighting is repressed.
Hurricane Katrina, no mercy, yet countless show mercy.
Shannon lifts the stack of random newspaper articles, setting them aside. Dad must have gone through the clippings shortly before he'd disappeared, the most recent articles on the bottom.
Hillary Clinton, April 2008: Will she be able to reconcile and salvage their party, bringing strength to Obama against the McCain campaign?
Myanmar government refuses relief efforts.
China …shock, and aftershock.
Stock market woes!
Beneath all those clippings are a stack of notebooks. She lifts the top notebook, and tilts it towards the dim light. She recognizes Dad’s writing.
Dad had handwritten the title in ink: The Essence .
Shannon needs no explanation for that. She knows the reference. He must have written it after the prayer in school fiasco, right before he and Mom got married.
334
Shannon gathers up all the notebooks and emerges from the attic to seat herself near a well-lit window. She can still hear Mom and Grandma talking about the walled community drawings.
Ruth explains, “Some people would say it’s just a form of socialism or communism, by definition. But those words have been given bad connotations. I’d prefer to compare it to the Kibbutz in Israel. And by living in a more humble fashion, you increase your availability to help others.”
Cindy notices writing on the back side of one of the drawings, “It says: The Book of Isaiah, Chapter 58. And Malachi, I can’t make out the Chapter.”
Shannon decides to tune them out for awhile. She can show them this treasure later. As she opens to the first page, there is a typed paper taped within the notebook. It's typed, yet appears choppy and unfinished.
Meanwhile, she begins to quietly read: "What is, or who is, the Essence? Ever since the years of those great movies, The Ten Commandments, ….Ben-Hur, …..those years were followed by many years of trying to exclude Jesus, and though there is a resurgence of interest in Jesus, most often they are inclusive of who he is not. The popular Da Vinci Code brings disturbing light to that which has no light of truth. But even when truth is sought, tradition is such a powerful force …that when reckoned with, the disturbing result often brings people further away from the truth than when they were not seeking the truth at all. Most seem satisfied with some truth ….and do not want to challenge tradition, even when it is in error. The most disturbing is that it tends to bring them even further from the faith, and breeds doubt…so, that being the case, it would appear better to leave them in a less damaging state of ignorance, because the simple faith often has less complexities than simple truth detailed. It is therefore often best not to present the details when, with first presentation, the simple truth suffices to introduce He whom the relationship is to be established through; and where growth will be evidenced through the continuance of that relationship. It's these thoughts, amongst others, whose tendencies evoke hesitation on my part in sharing my story of the Essence; as it may likely be misread and misunderstood for its intent and content. So, to avoid adding to the confusion, I am opting not to pursue distribution or publication of this writing. What I, myself, do not fully understand …is, why have I hesitated so in the discarding of this piece? I must have not totally reconciled myself with it, for it still exists. Do I still have a future hope that it could perhaps somehow be read for its intent …which as time goes on, becomes a mere cloudy issue even to me?"
Ruth explains, “Some people would say it’s just a form of socialism or communism, by definition. But those words have been given bad connotations. I’d prefer to compare it to the Kibbutz in Israel. And by living in a more humble fashion, you increase your availability to help others.”
Cindy notices writing on the back side of one of the drawings, “It says: The Book of Isaiah, Chapter 58. And Malachi, I can’t make out the Chapter.”
Shannon decides to tune them out for awhile. She can show them this treasure later. As she opens to the first page, there is a typed paper taped within the notebook. It's typed, yet appears choppy and unfinished.
Meanwhile, she begins to quietly read: "What is, or who is, the Essence? Ever since the years of those great movies, The Ten Commandments, ….Ben-Hur, …..those years were followed by many years of trying to exclude Jesus, and though there is a resurgence of interest in Jesus, most often they are inclusive of who he is not. The popular Da Vinci Code brings disturbing light to that which has no light of truth. But even when truth is sought, tradition is such a powerful force …that when reckoned with, the disturbing result often brings people further away from the truth than when they were not seeking the truth at all. Most seem satisfied with some truth ….and do not want to challenge tradition, even when it is in error. The most disturbing is that it tends to bring them even further from the faith, and breeds doubt…so, that being the case, it would appear better to leave them in a less damaging state of ignorance, because the simple faith often has less complexities than simple truth detailed. It is therefore often best not to present the details when, with first presentation, the simple truth suffices to introduce He whom the relationship is to be established through; and where growth will be evidenced through the continuance of that relationship. It's these thoughts, amongst others, whose tendencies evoke hesitation on my part in sharing my story of the Essence; as it may likely be misread and misunderstood for its intent and content. So, to avoid adding to the confusion, I am opting not to pursue distribution or publication of this writing. What I, myself, do not fully understand …is, why have I hesitated so in the discarding of this piece? I must have not totally reconciled myself with it, for it still exists. Do I still have a future hope that it could perhaps somehow be read for its intent …which as time goes on, becomes a mere cloudy issue even to me?"
335
She turns the page and continues to read: "Society is at its best when it can be stirred to tears instead of anger. When we hear things that touch our hearts, we naturally want others to hear …for their hearts to be touched in equal measure. But often they don't hear it the way we hear it. They know the language, but do not hear the beauty of what is spoken. For beauty to be expressed, it must be first experienced and shared …or it will simply not be recognized as beauty. It must also be taught. Something that is so full of beauty is also full of meaning. And that is where it has to be experienced. As the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. To experience, we must first drink of it. That also has literal truth, which in some cases is troublesome at best. I am referring to the drunken state that some tend to frequent. So, we can drink of, or experience …the good and the bad. But when speaking of good, when it is so good that we can barely draw a breath to it, to speak of it would merely draw breath away from it. I am not speaking of speaking in tongues. Adding my voice merely creates the deception of fathoming that I could ever even be a part of any of His majesty. For in thinking I own a part, actually brings me apart. He has bought me a part of His glory through His Son …which I can only partake in through accepting and representing the truth of who He is, glorifying Him. There is nothing new about it. But what we often cling to is what we view as nothing new …which usually is not that old, it's just old to each of us, through our brief lifespan. People cling to traditions, and to that which is common, which is not common at all, but often well-devised deceptions to draw away from the common truths …which in simplicity are spectacular. The complexities of our own practiced deceptions appear to hold their own simplicities, yet are simply wrong. Yet, one of the biggest conflicts arises when we must decide our differences and decide who is the authority in deciding what is best. There exists a grand distortion of self-proclaimed elite-ism which challenges the very Spirit of God's leading. The apostle Peter needed to resolve that issue, and the apostle Paul had to also overcome those doubts brought forth concerning his authority. The other issue lies in the consistency of the approach we take. Most of the trouble does not arise from God not giving us clear direction …that would require more prayer and patience. We often create more trouble in claiming that God has directed us to do something. It is so easy to misinterpret our desires for a more lofty claim. That which is common to us breeds familiarity …the ground that most of us like to stand on. The temptation and danger with venturing out beyond familiarity to face challenges, brings about some positive growth, though sadly often is short-lived. Lying in wait is the thrill of placing ourselves in the seat of discovery, not just to discover what is to be discovered, but to discover reasons and creations of things that don't even exist, or which hold no value of truth."
336
This is so unbelievably wordy, Shannon is surprised how much of it she actually feels she understands. It is a part of dad that she had never allowed herself to understand.
She reads on: "What truly exists is then replaced by what we want to exist in our minds …and often it is common to so many of us, it is equally easy to accept. The desire to share outgrows itself, so the desire is to share what no one has ever before shared…when instead the risks and challenge we should take is in sharing the truth which has always been there and is not new at all. The challenge then becomes not with understanding that which surrounds us, but admitting to that which is so errantly within us …and replacing our pride with the humility of admitting it, and seeking what others may accuse us of, in offending ---while defending the truth. The struggle has always been through our misunderstood desires. It is like the children's book by Eric Carle, entitled The Mixed-Up Chameleon. When we are cold and hungry and feeling grey and dull, with not a very exciting life, and we consider ourselves small and weak …we may entertain all sorts of desires. But if we consider that we are weak, but He is strong …and we are to hunger and thirst after His righteousness, then perhaps soon our desires will be His desires for us. But if we move our focus off what He wants for us, then in reality, we're changing how we represent Him …which leads us to not really accepting Him, but instead some version of what we have created, and we end up not glorifying Him much, or not at all. Instead we begin practicing protective mimicry …to make ourselves look like that which is around us."
XVIII
There’s still no news …and no leads about Stephen. Leah and Josiah still cry themselves to sleep at night. Shannon and Mom try to console them, and not think about the sad reality. And they attempt to absorb themselves in the treasures left behind.
Cindy was not initially fond of the idea of leaving their home, but now feels it’s the best thing for Ruth. Maybe it’s also the best for the rest of them.
Cindy was not initially fond of the idea of leaving their home, but now feels it’s the best thing for Ruth. Maybe it’s also the best for the rest of them.
337
Rebekkah visits often, trying not to focus on her frustration of not being able to give them any new information concerning Stephen. But one piece of new information that she is able to pass on, brings a bit of thankfulness around Thanksgiving.
She announces, “I received a call this morning. Ray and Claudia had a boy. They named him Aidin Eadin ---Aidin Eadin Isaac.”
Rebekkah invites Ray and Claudia to Ruth’s place for Thanksgiving dinner, along with Charles, Sharon, and Merrie …Ray's little brother, sister, and their mom.
Rebekkah has the food catered, not to be a burden on either Cindy or Ruth.
Rebekkah is curious, “How did you come up with the name, Aidin?”
Ray likes to tell stories, “Well, Claudia says that I’d be a good dad as far as playing with the child goes, but I’d have to be taught a thing or two about responsibility. I laughed and asked her if I was supposed to teach the child or the child teach me. The Bible doesn’t say for the child to train up the parents in the way they should go.”
Claudia doesn't allow herself to be excluded from comment, “I said the learning goes both ways. We teach the child, and the child teaches us.”
Ray continues his story, “Anyway, I laughed, and said I guess that would mean I’d have a help-mate and a teacher’s aid. So I picked the name Aidin. I figured that was appropriate, since he’d be my aid in responsibility. Claudia doesn’t think I’m very disciplined, so I guess he’s supposed to be my aid in discipline too. But I had to laugh when we later looked up the meaning of our last name. I never knew that Isaac meant laughter. I told Claudia that the child would be teaching her a thing or two also. She can’t be so serious all the time, insisting on responsibility. So, our son will be her teacher also ...her aid in laughter.”
Rebekkah smiles, “I like the name …Aidin Eadin Isaac. I imagine cuddling the child …A-E-I, oh, you!”
Cindy is saddened by the fact that in less than seven months, she’d be giving birth to another child, without Stephen. Stephen is not around to share in the present joy, nor will he probably be around to help teach their child ---anything.
Two months having passed, hope is dwindling fast.
Rebekkah tries to generate some enthusiasm about the book Stephen had written ...which was soon to be published. Once she had seen the notebooks Shannon had found, she had not waited to consult in anyone's opinion …but quickly gathered up the notes and sent them to a publisher, at her cost.
She also voiced her opinion on how much she likes the idea of the walled community, and is serious about wanting to construct it. And she wants to invest more than just interest in the project. Her vision is to begin several throughout our nation, after constructing the first right here on the seven acres that Stephen had grown up on.
338
Meanwhile, Rebekkah feels it might be good for everyone to have a change of scenery. She decides to invite everyone over to her house for Christmas Eve dinner.
Rebekkah tries the best she can to take their minds off the torment of the past couple months. She had found time to get a Christmas tree and decorate it along with the rest of her house. She had also strung up a dazzling display of outdoor lights. Yet, the best part for her was beneath the Christmas tree. Nearly a quarter of the room is filled with presents.
Leah speaks the words that penetrate the heart, “I don’t want to open any presents without Dad! Christmas is really about what God gave us. God gave us Jesus. And I’m waiting for one more gift from God.”
Josiah looks at Leah, “Me too. I want Dad!”
Rebekkah realizes how wrong she is, trying to get their mind off Stephen. She certainly could not get her mind off him. But the biggest wrong is in putting on such an elaborate display, minimizing Jesus.
She is embarrassed. She takes them to the only area of the house that is not decorated. The basement.
Her basement is fully furnished and very cozy. She puts on a video about the birth of Jesus. She sits on the sofa next to Ruth, with Leah and Josiah on her lap, while Shannon snuggles at her feet.
Cindy recalls how busy past Christmas Eves had been. It had never been this cozy. Always too busy. Always too many sweets and on the go. She cries silent tears. Oh, how she longs for Stephen to be by her side.
As the video concludes, Rebekkah gets the children some sandwich halves and milk. Shannon quickly eats her sandwich, and sets her plate on an end table.
The placing of her glass of milk needs more attentiveness, but her reflexes more than compensate for her lack of gracefulness. Only a small portion of her milk spills on a magazine resting open on the table. And she quickly grabs her napkin to absorb the spill.
The spill draws Shannon’s attention to the article entitled: “Request Granted by Make a Wish Foundation Ends in Tragedy”.
Rebekkah calmly reassures her, “Don’t worry, that’s just Boaters magazine. I get it once a month. I first subscribed to it years ago, but don’t really find much time to read them. I've been meaning to cancel it."
Rebekkah pours Shannon another glass of milk, “The thing that caught my eye in that particular issue was the mention of the Estie. A real good friend of mine, Mac, used to own that boat. But when he passed away, his nephew took it over. I never got along with Scully. I never thought he’d keep the boat up. But he took care of it all these years. Then when he chose to do a good deed, he lost the boat to a fire. Isn’t that the way it is sometimes? Tragically, they weren’t able to save the two he granted the wish for.”
Shannon lifts up the magazine, “What’s that? What did you call it, ‘Make a Wish Foundation'?”
Rebekkah tries the best she can to take their minds off the torment of the past couple months. She had found time to get a Christmas tree and decorate it along with the rest of her house. She had also strung up a dazzling display of outdoor lights. Yet, the best part for her was beneath the Christmas tree. Nearly a quarter of the room is filled with presents.
Leah speaks the words that penetrate the heart, “I don’t want to open any presents without Dad! Christmas is really about what God gave us. God gave us Jesus. And I’m waiting for one more gift from God.”
Josiah looks at Leah, “Me too. I want Dad!”
Rebekkah realizes how wrong she is, trying to get their mind off Stephen. She certainly could not get her mind off him. But the biggest wrong is in putting on such an elaborate display, minimizing Jesus.
She is embarrassed. She takes them to the only area of the house that is not decorated. The basement.
Her basement is fully furnished and very cozy. She puts on a video about the birth of Jesus. She sits on the sofa next to Ruth, with Leah and Josiah on her lap, while Shannon snuggles at her feet.
Cindy recalls how busy past Christmas Eves had been. It had never been this cozy. Always too busy. Always too many sweets and on the go. She cries silent tears. Oh, how she longs for Stephen to be by her side.
As the video concludes, Rebekkah gets the children some sandwich halves and milk. Shannon quickly eats her sandwich, and sets her plate on an end table.
The placing of her glass of milk needs more attentiveness, but her reflexes more than compensate for her lack of gracefulness. Only a small portion of her milk spills on a magazine resting open on the table. And she quickly grabs her napkin to absorb the spill.
The spill draws Shannon’s attention to the article entitled: “Request Granted by Make a Wish Foundation Ends in Tragedy”.
Rebekkah calmly reassures her, “Don’t worry, that’s just Boaters magazine. I get it once a month. I first subscribed to it years ago, but don’t really find much time to read them. I've been meaning to cancel it."
Rebekkah pours Shannon another glass of milk, “The thing that caught my eye in that particular issue was the mention of the Estie. A real good friend of mine, Mac, used to own that boat. But when he passed away, his nephew took it over. I never got along with Scully. I never thought he’d keep the boat up. But he took care of it all these years. Then when he chose to do a good deed, he lost the boat to a fire. Isn’t that the way it is sometimes? Tragically, they weren’t able to save the two he granted the wish for.”
Shannon lifts up the magazine, “What’s that? What did you call it, ‘Make a Wish Foundation'?”
339
Rebekkah explains, “It’s a group of people who take donations for the purpose of finding people with special needs, often people who are about to die, and they have a wish of something they'd always wanted to do. Then the organization grants them the wish. The article is well-written, but the story has a tragic ending, not really recommended reading for lifting someone's holiday spirit.”
Shannon looks at the magazine cover, featuring the article. She draws it closer to her face …then suddenly gasps! Startled, they all turn towards Shannon. She gasps again, “It’s Dad!”
The magazine cover shows a man on each side, propping up a third man at the wheel of the boat. You can only see the arms of the men on either side. The focal point of the picture is the man sporting a captain’s hat, supported at the wheel. His head is tilted down, giving no clear vision of his face, but what is clear is that shirt. It’s the shirt that Mom couldn’t stand. The shirt Stephen wore to work the day he disappeared.
Rebekkah agrees with Cindy that a shirt is a very weak case, assuming there is only one person that owns a shirt like that. But she doesn’t tell Shannon that.
Cindy feels Shannon hasn’t allowed herself to deal with Dad’s disappearance,and has appeared to be somewhat in denial.
Perhaps sensing their doubt, Shannon all the more insists that it is Dad.
Cindy allows Shannon to have this emotional outlet. She chooses to say nothing. She chooses only to hug her.
Meanwhile, Rebekkah loses no time in attempting to check it out. She is accustom to checking out every lead, no matter how weak it may appear to be. She has a true business sense and a bit of investigator in her. She realizes it is Christmas Eve and it is difficult to reach people during the holidays, but sadly enough, that is not true of Scully. It is one of the reasons she doesn’t like Scully, but at this moment it is the one thing she likes about him. He is predictable.
It is the only establishment like this that Rebekkah knows of that stays open on Christmas Eve. It doesn’t advertise the fact, but it doesn’t have to. People like Scully know of the welcome spot.
However incoherent, Scully will be certain to return to his place this evening. Rebekkah just wants to make contact this evening, but she lets Scully know that she'll be arriving around midday on Christmas. Scully knows he’d better begin to sober up. Meeting with Rebekkah is its own sobering experience.
Scully isn’t too thrilled about it, but he is waiting. The nature of the visit is enough to affect a turn around, but the thought of meeting with Rebekkah always seems to bring about an edgy feeling.
Shannon looks at the magazine cover, featuring the article. She draws it closer to her face …then suddenly gasps! Startled, they all turn towards Shannon. She gasps again, “It’s Dad!”
The magazine cover shows a man on each side, propping up a third man at the wheel of the boat. You can only see the arms of the men on either side. The focal point of the picture is the man sporting a captain’s hat, supported at the wheel. His head is tilted down, giving no clear vision of his face, but what is clear is that shirt. It’s the shirt that Mom couldn’t stand. The shirt Stephen wore to work the day he disappeared.
Rebekkah agrees with Cindy that a shirt is a very weak case, assuming there is only one person that owns a shirt like that. But she doesn’t tell Shannon that.
Cindy feels Shannon hasn’t allowed herself to deal with Dad’s disappearance,and has appeared to be somewhat in denial.
Perhaps sensing their doubt, Shannon all the more insists that it is Dad.
Cindy allows Shannon to have this emotional outlet. She chooses to say nothing. She chooses only to hug her.
Meanwhile, Rebekkah loses no time in attempting to check it out. She is accustom to checking out every lead, no matter how weak it may appear to be. She has a true business sense and a bit of investigator in her. She realizes it is Christmas Eve and it is difficult to reach people during the holidays, but sadly enough, that is not true of Scully. It is one of the reasons she doesn’t like Scully, but at this moment it is the one thing she likes about him. He is predictable.
It is the only establishment like this that Rebekkah knows of that stays open on Christmas Eve. It doesn’t advertise the fact, but it doesn’t have to. People like Scully know of the welcome spot.
However incoherent, Scully will be certain to return to his place this evening. Rebekkah just wants to make contact this evening, but she lets Scully know that she'll be arriving around midday on Christmas. Scully knows he’d better begin to sober up. Meeting with Rebekkah is its own sobering experience.
Scully isn’t too thrilled about it, but he is waiting. The nature of the visit is enough to affect a turn around, but the thought of meeting with Rebekkah always seems to bring about an edgy feeling.
340
As expected, Scully has several photos in addition to the one the magazine had printed. But the one the magazine had used proves to be the only close-up of the man in question. And no enlargement would change the fact that his head is tilted down in the photograph.
Rebekkah looks through the photos again. The magazine had cropped the photo to center in on the man in the captain’s hat. But the actual photo before enlargement clearly shows the men on each side. On one side is Scully’s shipmate, Doyle. But on the other side is clearly Crazy Larry. There is no mistake about that.
Rebekkah listens closely as Scully tells the unedited story. Apparently, Crazy Larry had made up the story about the ‘Make a Wish Foundation’. And Scully had bought the story. Scully had told Doyle to go ahead and take the two on the boat ride. Scully stayed behind to supervise his grandkids, Murray and Sweeney, loading the craft. It was Murray who saw the flare shoot into the sky …at which time Scully quickly grabbed his telescope to locate the boat, which had traveled far out into the bay. Scully sprung into action at the sight of his boat on fire! He had just bought a new motor boat. He hadn’t had a chance to test it. Quickly, he had to assess the situation. The new boat would be faster, but sometimes reliability is faster. He opts to take the old boat. He knew he didn’t have much time. And he knew his shipmate, Doyle, would go down with the boat, while trying to save it. Scully had to climb aboard the burning boat and locate Doyle, who was sure enough, still hopelessly fighting the blaze. Scully had to drag him from the fire and throw him overboard, then jump overboard and rescue him. But the Estie was beyond rescuing. Scully circled his Estie until the fire totally consumed her, and she rested in a watery grave.
Recalling the incident, Scully hangs his head, filled with regret, “I barely got my shipmate out of that inferno. I never seen the other two. I’m sorry. I circled the area until my boat went down. I recall how surprisingly still the waters were. And there was my captain’s hat, floating upon the water. No sign of the other two. The depths show no remorse. Swallowed them right up.”
Scully hands the hat to Rebekkah, “Here, you can have my captain’s hat. Haven’t been able to bring myself to wear it since my Estie went down. And if that was your Stephen on the boat, he was the last one to have worn the hat.”
Rebekkah holds the hat in her hand. Tears gather. She is too overcome with grief to ask any more questions.
Scully never cries, but he does feel the pain and attempts to fill the void, “I did have the authorities come out and they did locate my boat. But they couldn’t locate your Stephen or the crazy Larry, as you call him. You’re sure it’s the ones you’re looking for?”
Rebekkah sadly confirms, “It’s them. There’s no doubt by the photos.”
Rebekkah looks through the photos again. The magazine had cropped the photo to center in on the man in the captain’s hat. But the actual photo before enlargement clearly shows the men on each side. On one side is Scully’s shipmate, Doyle. But on the other side is clearly Crazy Larry. There is no mistake about that.
Rebekkah listens closely as Scully tells the unedited story. Apparently, Crazy Larry had made up the story about the ‘Make a Wish Foundation’. And Scully had bought the story. Scully had told Doyle to go ahead and take the two on the boat ride. Scully stayed behind to supervise his grandkids, Murray and Sweeney, loading the craft. It was Murray who saw the flare shoot into the sky …at which time Scully quickly grabbed his telescope to locate the boat, which had traveled far out into the bay. Scully sprung into action at the sight of his boat on fire! He had just bought a new motor boat. He hadn’t had a chance to test it. Quickly, he had to assess the situation. The new boat would be faster, but sometimes reliability is faster. He opts to take the old boat. He knew he didn’t have much time. And he knew his shipmate, Doyle, would go down with the boat, while trying to save it. Scully had to climb aboard the burning boat and locate Doyle, who was sure enough, still hopelessly fighting the blaze. Scully had to drag him from the fire and throw him overboard, then jump overboard and rescue him. But the Estie was beyond rescuing. Scully circled his Estie until the fire totally consumed her, and she rested in a watery grave.
Recalling the incident, Scully hangs his head, filled with regret, “I barely got my shipmate out of that inferno. I never seen the other two. I’m sorry. I circled the area until my boat went down. I recall how surprisingly still the waters were. And there was my captain’s hat, floating upon the water. No sign of the other two. The depths show no remorse. Swallowed them right up.”
Scully hands the hat to Rebekkah, “Here, you can have my captain’s hat. Haven’t been able to bring myself to wear it since my Estie went down. And if that was your Stephen on the boat, he was the last one to have worn the hat.”
Rebekkah holds the hat in her hand. Tears gather. She is too overcome with grief to ask any more questions.
Scully never cries, but he does feel the pain and attempts to fill the void, “I did have the authorities come out and they did locate my boat. But they couldn’t locate your Stephen or the crazy Larry, as you call him. You’re sure it’s the ones you’re looking for?”
Rebekkah sadly confirms, “It’s them. There’s no doubt by the photos.”
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******************** This news provides no comfort for those back home in Michigan. Though closure would be the eventual path all should go, they aren’t ready for that. They were still attempting to cling onto a faint hope. But now that small flicker of hope is extinguished. The fire and the watery grave stand as bold, uncaring forces that now consume them in grief.
The children accept it better than Cindy had anticipated. They talk as if Dad had died with honor and dignity, now buried at sea.
It is now New Year’s Eve. Cindy and Stephen had never celebrated the turning of the calendar, and Cindy certainly is not going to celebrate the beginning of what promises to be a very difficult year for her. Yet she will spend those precious days with her children and together, come summer, she'll celebrate the beginning of a new life …a life that is so wonderfully developing within her womb.
The children want to begin the year by returning back to the house. Cindy feels she can’t deny the children that request. It will be difficult for her, but maybe the children are right. Maybe it is time to go back.
Cindy tells the children that they will spend the day, New Year’s Day, at their home in Waterford. But she is not ready to move back quite yet. Many decisions will have to be made. But those decisions will have to wait … until after the baby is born.
It is Cindy’s wish that not too many details be shared with the children about Stephen’s death. And though, ‘buried at sea’, has a certain peaceful sound to it, it will not provide the peace they need. They need a sense of closure. A place to visit, to pour out their feelings whenever they feel a need to.
Shannon picks out the perfect cemetery. The only thing that stands between Ruth’s property and the cemetery are several acres of barren unfarmed land.
Shannon adds, “And you can see the cemetery from the tree-house.”
Cindy begins to dream aloud, “I don’t want to go back to Waterford. What we had there is not what Stephen wanted.”
She is referring to Stephen’s plans for a walled community, stating that is what he’d wanted. But in her heart is a deep hurt that speaks volumes more. Their home in Waterford was not a home because she did not allow it to be a home. She was always on the go, which just brought tension and stress into their life. Now that he is gone, she wants to live the peacefulness that was truly at the heart of Stephen. He hadn't been happy living in Waterford. But it is clear that he'd been happy while growing up in Metamora.
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Rebekkah joins Cindy in her present dreams. But with Rebekkah, it doesn’t have to be just dreams. Rebekkah has the means to make dreams come true.
Rebekkah quickly purchases the barren land between Ruth’s property and the cemetery. She contacts some contractors, and soon the walled community begins to take shape. The project extends across Ruth’s property, and includes the newly purchased acreage. The project is estimated to approach completion in two and a half years. At that point, Cindy hopes to be ready to sell the Waterford house.
Several others have already voiced interest in the idea and will be selling their homes too. Meanwhile, there is one thing that needs immediate attention. Tomorrow they will hold the funeral service for Stephen.
Cindy has many more tears to spend. She sits alone in a rocking chair, attempting to contain most of her emotion as she reflects back on the event of the previous day.
Cindy is overwhelmed not only by the circumstances, but also by the number of people who had attended the funeral service. Besides Community Bible, there was the complete congregation of Metamora Fellowship. And it was unbelievable the number of people who’d become acquaintances of Cindy through the countless activities she had participated in over the past several years. But the most amazing fact of all was that, of all the students she’d taught those few years at Wing Lake School, nearly all of them attended the funeral service. And many of them had written her beautiful letters of how she had impacted their lives.
The most difficult moment was with Stephen’s sister, her husband, and their daughter. Aleah, Lorvin, and Moriah had just returned from Haiti. Cindy admired the closeness Stephen and his sister had established. And she felt much deep regret that she had not shared that same sort of closeness with Stephen …as his wife.
Cindy sits in the rocker, reading some of the cards and letters as tears roll down her face. The cordless phone resting beside her rings. It is Fernye. “How are you doing, Cindy?”
Cindy wipes the back of her hand across her tears, “Okay, …and not okay.”
Fernye inquires, “How are the children doing?”
Rebekkah quickly purchases the barren land between Ruth’s property and the cemetery. She contacts some contractors, and soon the walled community begins to take shape. The project extends across Ruth’s property, and includes the newly purchased acreage. The project is estimated to approach completion in two and a half years. At that point, Cindy hopes to be ready to sell the Waterford house.
Several others have already voiced interest in the idea and will be selling their homes too. Meanwhile, there is one thing that needs immediate attention. Tomorrow they will hold the funeral service for Stephen.
Cindy has many more tears to spend. She sits alone in a rocking chair, attempting to contain most of her emotion as she reflects back on the event of the previous day.
Cindy is overwhelmed not only by the circumstances, but also by the number of people who had attended the funeral service. Besides Community Bible, there was the complete congregation of Metamora Fellowship. And it was unbelievable the number of people who’d become acquaintances of Cindy through the countless activities she had participated in over the past several years. But the most amazing fact of all was that, of all the students she’d taught those few years at Wing Lake School, nearly all of them attended the funeral service. And many of them had written her beautiful letters of how she had impacted their lives.
The most difficult moment was with Stephen’s sister, her husband, and their daughter. Aleah, Lorvin, and Moriah had just returned from Haiti. Cindy admired the closeness Stephen and his sister had established. And she felt much deep regret that she had not shared that same sort of closeness with Stephen …as his wife.
Cindy sits in the rocker, reading some of the cards and letters as tears roll down her face. The cordless phone resting beside her rings. It is Fernye. “How are you doing, Cindy?”
Cindy wipes the back of her hand across her tears, “Okay, …and not okay.”
Fernye inquires, “How are the children doing?”
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Cindy wipes her hand on her shirt, re-gripping the phone with a dry hand, “Well, I don’t really know. Josiah pats me on the back and tells me it’s okay. Three years old and he’s already acting like the man of the house. Leah often cries bitterly with me. Right now, they’ve got all the dining room chairs pushed together, pretending it’s a boat. And they’re taking turns wearing the captain hat. I wish I could be like them …I'm not doing well at all.”
Cindy’s words get choked off by more tears.
Cindy’s words get choked off by more tears.
Fernye finds it difficult over the phone, “How about Shannon?”
Cindy sighs, “I don’t really know. She seemed to do the best after Stephen disappeared, trying to attach herself to all the joyful things ...the fun, the adventure, the discoveries. All her focus was on the living aspects of Stephen. I guess I should be more like her. I want to be more like her. I want to live the joys of Stephen, not the disappointments. I think what I want is to take up writing …supplementing what he'd begun to write. And I believe what Rebekkah had sent for publication was unfinished. I don't think he'd be happy with that. I want to finish writing the book he started. I want to live all the dreams. In a couple years we should be moving into the walled community. I want all that to happen. I guess Leah shares my tears, Josiah is my comforter, and Shannon is my dreamer. I don’t really know how Shannon is doing, Grandma. Even though she had never seemed to get close to him when he was here, it was truly evident that he loved her. And I’m certain she knows that. Do you think it’s healthy for her not to shed any tears?”
Fernye reminds Cindy, “It takes time. I know how difficult it was for Stan. He had lost both parents and sisters and brothers. Many people were concerned because he didn’t cry. He must have been in emotional shock. But did you see him yesterday?”
Cindy admits, “No, I was so overcome by my own feelings, I guess …"
Fernye continues her point, “At the cemetery, when they placed the stone at the gravesite, Stan placed a hand on Shannon's shoulder. Now, we all know Shannon doesn’t like to be touched by anyone other than family. But I noticed she didn’t pull away. I gather that Stan was finally acknowledging how he felt about losing his own family. And it appeared that Shannon, by not pulling away, was acknowledging that perhaps she was accepting him. You know, the rest of us consider him as part of the family. Stan has become a sensitive and caring young man. And Shannon will just have to find her way through all this. Stan did. We all have to find our way. By the way, how is that baby finding its way?”
Cindy rests a hand against her stomach. She feels the baby move, “Thanks for reminding me. I have to call tomorrow to make an appointment.”
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Cindy finishes talking with Fernye and picks up another letter from one of her students. She doesn’t even notice Leah approaching.
As she lowers the letter, Leah is standing near her feet, “Mom, Dad always said that when we are sad, we aren’t supposed to run away. He said I was supposed to cry in his arms. How come Shannon is crying upstairs and you are crying downstairs? You are supposed to hold each other.”
As she lowers the letter, Leah is standing near her feet, “Mom, Dad always said that when we are sad, we aren’t supposed to run away. He said I was supposed to cry in his arms. How come Shannon is crying upstairs and you are crying downstairs? You are supposed to hold each other.”
*************
Lorvin takes their daughter Moriah with him. The three of them were to go to Honduras, but Aleah decides to stay behind with Mom. Ruth is thankful for her daughter. Together they walk each day to the cemetery. This is the only way Ruth feels bonded, but she doesn't feel at all whole. Her two children have always been her entire life. And now, though one of them has been laid to rest, the memories never will be.
That which brings excitement to others, just brings further sadness to her. Ruth looks about her. Heavy equipment tears up the landscape. Not that they don’t take care to preserve the natural feel of the place. They do. It is just that any little change bothers her at this time.
Each dwelling unit becomes part of the wall. Ruth understands the concept, but the wall does not make her feel the security of a family coming together. She feels a wall within herself. She stands before the wall separating life and death. And it rips at her heart much more than the heavy equipment tears at the landscape.
Aleah usually can sense the unspoken, “Mom, I know that you agreed to the walled community, but you don’t really have your heart in it, do you?”
Ruth confesses, “Don’t tell anyone. I want the project to continue. I think it’s best for the others. But it’s changing everything.”
Aleah hears what is not said, “I know how you feel. And you wouldn’t feel any of this if Stephen were here. He’d be excited about this, and you’d be excited with him. The fact that he isn’t here, changes everything for you.”
Aleah pauses. The silent feelings grip the air. But they have to be spoken, “Mom, you’re letting yourself slip away too. When we don’t feel like eating and can’t sleep, we have to do it anyway. We have to force ourselves to continue on. We have to focus on life. But you are letting yourself go …instead of letting go. Don't let go of the memories. Don't ever do that! But we have to take a step at a time, letting God heal and restore us. Mom, please don't slip away from me. I love you …and I need you!”
That which brings excitement to others, just brings further sadness to her. Ruth looks about her. Heavy equipment tears up the landscape. Not that they don’t take care to preserve the natural feel of the place. They do. It is just that any little change bothers her at this time.
Each dwelling unit becomes part of the wall. Ruth understands the concept, but the wall does not make her feel the security of a family coming together. She feels a wall within herself. She stands before the wall separating life and death. And it rips at her heart much more than the heavy equipment tears at the landscape.
Aleah usually can sense the unspoken, “Mom, I know that you agreed to the walled community, but you don’t really have your heart in it, do you?”
Ruth confesses, “Don’t tell anyone. I want the project to continue. I think it’s best for the others. But it’s changing everything.”
Aleah hears what is not said, “I know how you feel. And you wouldn’t feel any of this if Stephen were here. He’d be excited about this, and you’d be excited with him. The fact that he isn’t here, changes everything for you.”
Aleah pauses. The silent feelings grip the air. But they have to be spoken, “Mom, you’re letting yourself slip away too. When we don’t feel like eating and can’t sleep, we have to do it anyway. We have to force ourselves to continue on. We have to focus on life. But you are letting yourself go …instead of letting go. Don't let go of the memories. Don't ever do that! But we have to take a step at a time, letting God heal and restore us. Mom, please don't slip away from me. I love you …and I need you!”
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Not much time slips away before the baby is due. It is three o’clock in the morning, and Cindy is sitting on the living room sofa.
Not much time slips away before the baby is due. It is three o’clock in the morning, and Cindy is sitting on the living room sofa.
Shannon awakens and joins her, “Mom, is it time? Are you going to have the baby tonight?” Shannon curls up beside Mom, hugging her.
Cindy wraps her arms around Shannon, “No. I think the baby will come next week. I was just up praying. And I was attempting to finalize my choice of names.” Shannon hugs Mom extra close, “I just felt the baby kick. I think the baby is as eager to see us as we are to see the baby.”
Cindy kisses Shannon on top of the head, “I know you don’t like the acronyms, but if it’s a girl, I’ve decided on the name, Hannah Esther. So, it’ll be either H.E.R. or S.I.R. ."
Shannon looks up into Mom’s eyes, “You’re still feeling guilty for not letting Dad name Josiah, aren’t you?”
Cindy admits, “Yes. I told him he could name him, then I went ahead and didn’t let him.”
Shannon kisses Mom’s tummy, “Well, I still hope it’s a girl. But if it’s a boy, I’ll just have to get used to it. And I agree with you now. If it’s a boy, he should have the name Dad had picked out …Samuel Isaac.”
Cindy encloses Shannon’s hand within her two hands, “That’s a big relief to me. I wouldn’t want you disliking your brother for his name.”
Shannon reassures, “I wouldn’t let a silly thing like that make me think less of my brother. I guess I was just feeling my own guilt. Having the intials, S.I.R., reminded me of Stan always calling George, ‘Sir’. George loves Stan so much. He’s taken such great care of Stan. He adopted Stan as his own son, yet Stan still calls him, ‘Sir’. It reminds me of how I never brought myself to call Dad …‘Dad’. I used to say, ‘Yes, sir’, too. And I still sit up in bed, unable to sleep at night, when I think of how I treated him.”
Cindy realizes, “Okay, I’ll pick another name. I never realized how you felt about it. We all have some painful memories. And we should all try to do what we can not to add to the pain. We should try to avoid living with regrets.”
Shannon speaks up, “No. I don’t want you to choose another name. It was Dad’s wish. I want you to stick with Samuel Isaac, unless of course, it’s a girl. And I’m still hoping it’s a girl. Leah says she wants a little sister, you know.”
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Merrie Isaac volunteers to stay at the house that last week. She sits down for a heart-to-heart talk with Josiah. Her own two sons had to grow up without a dad. And she is concerned for Josiah's well-being as well.
She pats him on the head, "You're the man of the house now. Just remember one thing, the Bible is the truth …and what is in the Bible is what God has chosen to tell us. That is all that is necessary to know. So read into it, but not beyond it. I'm going to write it down for you, and place it in your Bible. You'll understand more what I mean when you get older. You have a Heavenly Father who loves you and will guide you."
The occasion planned for, once again occasions Cindy up ...at three o’clock in the morning. Cindy calls her Dad on the phone, “It’s time!”
Three hours later, Merrie answers the phone. The children are still sleeping. She finds it difficult to contain herself, “It’s a boy? Oh, how wonderful! Samuel Isaac Razohn ...what a beautiful name! What a blessing! And as you probably would guess, I have a fondness for his middle name.”
She pats him on the head, "You're the man of the house now. Just remember one thing, the Bible is the truth …and what is in the Bible is what God has chosen to tell us. That is all that is necessary to know. So read into it, but not beyond it. I'm going to write it down for you, and place it in your Bible. You'll understand more what I mean when you get older. You have a Heavenly Father who loves you and will guide you."
The occasion planned for, once again occasions Cindy up ...at three o’clock in the morning. Cindy calls her Dad on the phone, “It’s time!”
Three hours later, Merrie answers the phone. The children are still sleeping. She finds it difficult to contain herself, “It’s a boy? Oh, how wonderful! Samuel Isaac Razohn ...what a beautiful name! What a blessing! And as you probably would guess, I have a fondness for his middle name.”
XIX
How fast the year goes by! From summer, autumn, to winter …she tells everyone about the walled community.
She doesn't really embrace all the busy activity. But, she can’t seem to handle the quiet moments at home either. She knows what it is ...Aleah was right. What she had advised Ruth, is also true for her. Being at home without Stephen just brings tears and sadness.
She convinces herself that the best thing for her and the children is to keep busy. The near Christmas mood holds more desperation than joy and peace. And the closer it gets, the activity provides for a flurry beyond what this dry winter can muster up.
Samuel is such a good baby. He allows for nearly any activity to go unchallenged.
Cindy is the one who is having the most difficulty. She begins to overreact to everything. Shannon gets a premature pimple ---at least Cindy feels it’s premature. Actually, Cindy feels it may be cancer.
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They all load up in the van. Samuel never cries in the van, yet Cindy fears he might, so she duct-tapes some toys to the ceiling above his head. But before they reach the 24-hour clinic, Samuel pulls it all down, and gets it stuck across his nose and mouth. Good thing they are near the clinic, so they can rush him in and revive him.
This event scares Cindy, but she doesn’t let on, not in front of the children. She decides that she needs to slow down a bit.
But the world around her doesn’t slow down ...with everyone preparing to celebrate the event of Christ's birth. The mood just doesn't seem right, yet there is more than one way to look at it. Do we resemble the busy and intense activity of a Roman soldier ordered to take a census of the people, or do we follow a more peaceful setting …set apart and resting humbly in a manger. What would be the consensus …of which we most resemble?
Cindy still feels guilty over the duct-tape event with Samuel. Samuel didn’t suffer any ill effects, but she still carries the guilt. Perhaps the guilt is a carry over from how she feels she neglected Stephen.
She confesses to Shannon, and asks for her help, “Shannon, can you please help me take care of Samuel? You would probably do a better job, anyway.”
Cindy loses herself again, in plans for the walled community. So, Shannon is the one who spends most of the time talking to Samuel. As it would be, Samuel’s first word is nothing more than …horses.
Shannon is fascinated with horses, but she doesn’t let that get in the way of her fascination for her brother.
*****************
She doesn't really embrace all the busy activity. But, she can’t seem to handle the quiet moments at home either. She knows what it is ...Aleah was right. What she had advised Ruth, is also true for her. Being at home without Stephen just brings tears and sadness.
She convinces herself that the best thing for her and the children is to keep busy. The near Christmas mood holds more desperation than joy and peace. And the closer it gets, the activity provides for a flurry beyond what this dry winter can muster up.
Samuel is such a good baby. He allows for nearly any activity to go unchallenged.
Cindy is the one who is having the most difficulty. She begins to overreact to everything. Shannon gets a premature pimple ---at least Cindy feels it’s premature. Actually, Cindy feels it may be cancer.
347
They all load up in the van. Samuel never cries in the van, yet Cindy fears he might, so she duct-tapes some toys to the ceiling above his head. But before they reach the 24-hour clinic, Samuel pulls it all down, and gets it stuck across his nose and mouth. Good thing they are near the clinic, so they can rush him in and revive him.
This event scares Cindy, but she doesn’t let on, not in front of the children. She decides that she needs to slow down a bit.
But the world around her doesn’t slow down ...with everyone preparing to celebrate the event of Christ's birth. The mood just doesn't seem right, yet there is more than one way to look at it. Do we resemble the busy and intense activity of a Roman soldier ordered to take a census of the people, or do we follow a more peaceful setting …set apart and resting humbly in a manger. What would be the consensus …of which we most resemble?
Cindy still feels guilty over the duct-tape event with Samuel. Samuel didn’t suffer any ill effects, but she still carries the guilt. Perhaps the guilt is a carry over from how she feels she neglected Stephen.
She confesses to Shannon, and asks for her help, “Shannon, can you please help me take care of Samuel? You would probably do a better job, anyway.”
Cindy loses herself again, in plans for the walled community. So, Shannon is the one who spends most of the time talking to Samuel. As it would be, Samuel’s first word is nothing more than …horses.
Shannon is fascinated with horses, but she doesn’t let that get in the way of her fascination for her brother.
*****************
Three more seasons go by …and the fascination is Fernye's 100th birthday …in fact, it becomes a national fascination. And the mass media covers the event, capturing some of Fernye’s wit. She explains why she didn’t celebrate her 99th, and isn’t going to celebrate again after this one, until her 110th birthday.
What doesn’t go well with the media though, is her mention of God. It upsets Fernye when she views the news and finds they edited that part. At this point, she changes her decision. Her 110th will be private.
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************
Two more seasons pass as they prepare to celebrate Samuel’s second birthday. It is only three months before the projected completion of the walled community …and that anticipation adds to the excitement!
They gather at Ruth’s home. Samuel’s celebration and his cuteness create sort of a back-drop for the real excitement being generated here. There is a huge gathering of the new family per se, making those final arrangements to move into the family-oriented community.
Ruth slips away from the group. She turns on the television to view the national news. There are reported car bombings in the Middle East.
Rebekkah enters the room. She calls out to Ruth. But Ruth doesn’t answer!
Everyone’s individual celebrations are cut short as Rebekkah calls an ambulance, then rides to the hospital with Ruth.
Cindy stays at the house with the children as guests leave rather abruptly, understanding the gravity of the situation. And Cindy tries to rehearse in her mind what she will say when Aleah calls within the hour.
More than anyone, Aleah had been concerned …feeling Mom wasn’t doing well. Ever since Stephen disappeared, she appeared to be going down hill. Ruth had insisted that she’d be okay, but Aleah knew things were not okay. Under any other circumstances, Aleah would not have hesitated to stay with her mom. But as Ruth put it, there is nothing worse than having someone stay around for the sole purpose of feared anticipation of someone dying. Aleah couldn’t answer to something so boldly put, so she went ahead with the family’s plans, with hopes that it would not be regretfully so.
**************
For years, many missionaries had refused to take any sort of sabbatical. They viewed their mission work to have such lifesaving value, on so many levels, they simply had no desire to take a break. They saw the evil effects of a misguided world and the only rest they looked forward to, was the eternal rest in Heaven. But in addition to that peaceful journey, they had one other trip that they viewed as being significant enough to plan for. And usually it would prove to be a long time coming.
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349
It was sort of a rejuvenation experience, gaining back their youthful zeal that many of them hadn’t even realized they were losing. During this trip, they were to walk the land that breathed meaning and purpose. It was cherished by those who understood it. Much of the world had seemed to have long forgotten ---or perhaps, never knew.
There was a story within a story, for each who did attend. Harold and Hannah had just returned from their first trip to Israel, filled with meaning and purpose, after only a few years of marriage. That was, of course, many years ago. But it was their story. After that first trip, they had elected not to become a missionary to any particular country, but to become ambassadors to the entire mission cause, as a whole. They were to visit mission fields throughout the globe, and report back to churches throughout the United States on how the various missions were doing, and of the wonderful workings and experiences of God in those nations. They didn't ask for financial support, but just for prayer support. And of course, they welcomed anyone who wanted to join in the mission field to work directly with the people.
Being presented that way, there was a great outpouring of support, including financial, from individuals and organizations who did want to help in a big way. But they didn’t have to spend any of their time praying about finances. Rebekkah had established a huge empire with her computer business and careful investments over the years. No one exceeded her in wealth. It was staggering to think of how much she had. So, there was no need for anyone to be held back in the mission field because of lack of finances. Rebekkah asked them not to worry and to focus all their prayers, not on burdensome finances, but rather on the burden of lost souls.
This was also a story within a story, because Rebekkah had arrived at this commitment through a difficult lesson she had learned. She wanted to stay committed to those she could, because there were those who did not want her support. They enjoyed living each day, not praying about their finances, because that’s not what they called it. They called it God’s provision. And they enjoyed just getting by and even struggling at times. It created more meaning for them as they watched how God uses people and circumstances to provide for His people.
It was a difficult lesson, indeed. One that was taught to her through the example and character of one man, Stephen Tressel, whose faith and commitment was built on prayer and initiative. "Growth that gets pushed along, often takes a wrong direction," he often said.
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Stephen and Maggie Tressel are missionaries to Indonesia. They are a part of New Tribes Mission. They don't rely on corporate support. They get by, through the prayerful support of many, who also pray that God will direct them in their finances, understanding the meaning of Gods provision.
Stephen and Maggie do well without any support from Rebekkah. This hurts Rebekkah deeply. But she feels she has learned a valuable lesson. She didn’t learn it right away. It took many years, but she is beginning to learn it. And she is continuing to learn it.
Rebekkah’s first response had been to establish her own missionary network, which she sponsored all on her own. All she needed was those willing to work in the field. This is where Harold and Hannah first came in. They were to handle the recruits. Their first mission trip was to Honduras. They had reported back to Community Bible Church and already had two volunteers to return back to Honduras with them.
Little did Harold and Hannah know, but this was also the beginning of recruiting a family for themselves. In Honduras, they met Lorvin. In Columbia they met a young boy named Christian. Next, they visited Stephen and Maggie in Indonesia. That’s where they met an adorable little seven-year-old girl named Astuti, who called them Papa Harold and Mama Hannah. Then it was off to Haiti, to visit their good friends, Raoul and Elsie Liberis. While they were there, they met a precious child, also of age seven, who radiated inside and out, the beauty of God, her Creator. She could melt you with her soft smile and quiet voice, "My name is Onithe Petit Jean”. She humbly spoke her name as if she was insignificant, or of little importance. But her servant-like attitude towards others made her most significant, especially to Harold and Hannah.
So, the first four mission visits produced the four children Harold and Hannah adopted. And the visits also produced the evidence needed to finally convince Rebekkah that God’s work is not done most powerfully through the shifting of corporate kingdoms and huge donations motivated by tax deductions and corporate images. It finds its best paths through the prayers of individuals who put the needs of others above any desires they may have for frivolous things.
Rebekkah witnessed how much people want to give, even need to give. They feel more a part of the cause by giving. And it not only benefits them more, as individuals, but the entire cause seems to be more directed by God through the growth of each individual.
These are some of the stories within the stories. But each story has something in common. It is another story. It is a story they all are sure to tell. It is the story of love and sacrifice. It is the story of God sending His Son, Jesus.
Stephen and Maggie do well without any support from Rebekkah. This hurts Rebekkah deeply. But she feels she has learned a valuable lesson. She didn’t learn it right away. It took many years, but she is beginning to learn it. And she is continuing to learn it.
Rebekkah’s first response had been to establish her own missionary network, which she sponsored all on her own. All she needed was those willing to work in the field. This is where Harold and Hannah first came in. They were to handle the recruits. Their first mission trip was to Honduras. They had reported back to Community Bible Church and already had two volunteers to return back to Honduras with them.
Little did Harold and Hannah know, but this was also the beginning of recruiting a family for themselves. In Honduras, they met Lorvin. In Columbia they met a young boy named Christian. Next, they visited Stephen and Maggie in Indonesia. That’s where they met an adorable little seven-year-old girl named Astuti, who called them Papa Harold and Mama Hannah. Then it was off to Haiti, to visit their good friends, Raoul and Elsie Liberis. While they were there, they met a precious child, also of age seven, who radiated inside and out, the beauty of God, her Creator. She could melt you with her soft smile and quiet voice, "My name is Onithe Petit Jean”. She humbly spoke her name as if she was insignificant, or of little importance. But her servant-like attitude towards others made her most significant, especially to Harold and Hannah.
So, the first four mission visits produced the four children Harold and Hannah adopted. And the visits also produced the evidence needed to finally convince Rebekkah that God’s work is not done most powerfully through the shifting of corporate kingdoms and huge donations motivated by tax deductions and corporate images. It finds its best paths through the prayers of individuals who put the needs of others above any desires they may have for frivolous things.
Rebekkah witnessed how much people want to give, even need to give. They feel more a part of the cause by giving. And it not only benefits them more, as individuals, but the entire cause seems to be more directed by God through the growth of each individual.
These are some of the stories within the stories. But each story has something in common. It is another story. It is a story they all are sure to tell. It is the story of love and sacrifice. It is the story of God sending His Son, Jesus.
351
**************
This is also the purpose of the walled community. To live humbly and to share what you have not only with the walled community, but also with charitable causes that each would feel more significant than the gathering and collection of personal belongings. And of course, not only sharing your provision, but also your conviction and your faith. Finding truth within, guided by meaning and purpose cause most people to easily find a cause.
Most of us want to belong. The success comes through the establishment of inner peace. Though many find it through a manufactured sense with no lasting power. Certainly, with no eternal value. But that’s the problem. Many establish a higher level of peace here on earth, than those of us who should truly know it. It is a deceptive peace, but they reach it at such a high level that the rest of us can’t hold a candle to it.
Those who would be living in the walled community did not concern themselves with that. They did not try to discredit anyone’s profession, or well-established deception. They just proclaimed their commitment and shined forth. They would rather choose to belong to a cause for the purpose of furthering that cause, than the furthering of building one’s own castle, extending one’s own kingdom borders, and competing for the more highly esteemed self-proclaimed status associated with such diversions and deceptions. They would rather extend God’s kingdom, than their own.
Many had fought to stay on the right path. And many had felt defeat, time and again, while still recognizing that God isn’t finished with us yet. God’s purpose dwells within us all, and His purpose does not dwindle. We may attempt to take it a different route, but God’s purpose remains the same, furthering His truth to others and within our own hearts.
Much was learned over the years. And much was shared. It had been a while since the last trip had been planned. But now, the time had finally come again. This trip to Israel was to help “rejuvenate and further God’s truth and purpose within our own hearts and minds.”
Rebekkah had wanted to join them, as she had in the past, but this time she declined at the last minute. She had felt she’d regret that decision until this moment. The purpose of staying behind had stirred within her. But now, she was content with her decision …at the side of her best friend, Ruth.
Most of us want to belong. The success comes through the establishment of inner peace. Though many find it through a manufactured sense with no lasting power. Certainly, with no eternal value. But that’s the problem. Many establish a higher level of peace here on earth, than those of us who should truly know it. It is a deceptive peace, but they reach it at such a high level that the rest of us can’t hold a candle to it.
Those who would be living in the walled community did not concern themselves with that. They did not try to discredit anyone’s profession, or well-established deception. They just proclaimed their commitment and shined forth. They would rather choose to belong to a cause for the purpose of furthering that cause, than the furthering of building one’s own castle, extending one’s own kingdom borders, and competing for the more highly esteemed self-proclaimed status associated with such diversions and deceptions. They would rather extend God’s kingdom, than their own.
Many had fought to stay on the right path. And many had felt defeat, time and again, while still recognizing that God isn’t finished with us yet. God’s purpose dwells within us all, and His purpose does not dwindle. We may attempt to take it a different route, but God’s purpose remains the same, furthering His truth to others and within our own hearts.
Much was learned over the years. And much was shared. It had been a while since the last trip had been planned. But now, the time had finally come again. This trip to Israel was to help “rejuvenate and further God’s truth and purpose within our own hearts and minds.”
Rebekkah had wanted to join them, as she had in the past, but this time she declined at the last minute. She had felt she’d regret that decision until this moment. The purpose of staying behind had stirred within her. But now, she was content with her decision …at the side of her best friend, Ruth.
352
The phone rings. Cindy feels the panic set in. No amount of rehearsing it can help prepare her for what she will tell Aleah. But it’s not Aleah, it’s Rebekkah. Rebekkah brings clarity to what Cindy will tell Aleah. The doctor’s assessment is that Ruth has had a heart attack.
Cindy just gets off the phone with Rebekkah, and the phone rings again. This time it is Aleah.
Cindy’s hesitation speaks for itself, “I don’t know how to break the news to you.”
Aleah knew that Mom’s heart was breaking. She knew she wasn't well. She also knew she had to get home as soon as possible, “We’ll be leaving right away.”
Aleah hopes and prays tomorrow will come ---for Mom. XX
Cindy just gets off the phone with Rebekkah, and the phone rings again. This time it is Aleah.
Cindy’s hesitation speaks for itself, “I don’t know how to break the news to you.”
Aleah knew that Mom’s heart was breaking. She knew she wasn't well. She also knew she had to get home as soon as possible, “We’ll be leaving right away.”
Aleah hopes and prays tomorrow will come ---for Mom. XX
Ruth is back home the following weekend. After all the tests, the anticipated route is by-pass surgery. Ruth seems all consumed in her hopeless perspective. All her life she’d struggled to make things right. But now she appears to have no fight left and claims the world has little right left.
The family organizes a special get-together to help cheer her up. Most of the walled community is completed ahead of schedule. The last units to be completed are those adjacent to Ruth’s home, and the renovations to Ruth’s home are also yet to be completed. And the community church also had modifications yet to be done. The church was to be among the first to be completed, but they had made too many changes in their design.
Most of the families that had sold their homes had begun to move in last week. Merrie Isaac, her daughter and two sons, are amongst the first to move in …inclusive, of course, of the family of her one son, including that adorable little grandson, Aidin. Cindy has a possible buyer for her home, but nothing more than that. Cindy’s Dad said he’s closing the deal on his home, and will be moving in next week. And Fernye had already sold her place, but said she wants to wait for Cindy to move in. Meanwhile, she is staying with a neighbor, while her few belongings are at Ken’s place.
353
Fernye is sensitive to what is going on with Ruth. She had talked to Aleah about it to reaffirm her suspicions that this is all difficult for Ruth, not the joy that many would anticipate it would be. This walled community had engulfed Ruth’s home and though she would never outright admit it to anyone else, it is an untimely intrusion into her life. Fernye wants to stay clear of contributing to this process, as long as she can. Ruth’s surgery will be soon. And Fernye wants that to be successfully completed before she moves into the picture.
Leah is all excited because ‘Uncle Charlie’, as they called him, had agreed to take care of Lark. Cindy had feared that his barking was keeping potential buyers away. So, as Leah sees it, Lark is the first member of her family to move into the walled community. Leah shares her excitement with Josiah and Samuel. Lark becomes the center of attention.
Suddenly, Lark gets some unwanted attention. Samuel's look turns into one of concern, “Leah, Lark is doing something wrong!”
Leah laughs. Lark is stooping and looking all around in a quite uncomfortable sort of way. Leah laughs again, “Lark is taking a dump.”
Leah is consumed in her own thoughts over the ordeal, “Lark looks like Josiah did when Josiah used color crayons on the wall.”
Samuel hesitates, then asks, “What’s a dump?”
Leah politely explains, “Lark is going to the bathroom. We shut the door, but Lark doesn’t have a door, so it must be a little embarrassing. Maybe Lark feels a little guilty too.”
Leah continues to offer a little more than Samuel had asked for, “It’s a natural way to look when you’re humbling yourself." Leah laughs, "It’s kind of like the way you look, Samuel, when you're loading your pants.”
*****************
Ruth tries to be positive, “The community here is looking very nice. They did a good job making it look just like the drawings, with the additions you came up with, of course.”
Cindy and Rebekkah smile. They agree.
Ruth tries, but can’t keep it all inside, “It’s just that everything is changing. Nothing seems the same anymore. You go to my church tomorrow. You tell me what you think. I don’t feel well enough to go, but you go. And tell me if things aren’t changing.”
Cindy and Rebekkah smile. They agree.
Ruth tries, but can’t keep it all inside, “It’s just that everything is changing. Nothing seems the same anymore. You go to my church tomorrow. You tell me what you think. I don’t feel well enough to go, but you go. And tell me if things aren’t changing.”
354
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Cindy takes the children to Metamora Fellowship. The service begins by special music by a young mom named Shawnna. A very beautiful song sung by Shawnna is then followed by four people assembling together at one microphone. A young man throws a leg over a stool, thumping a couple notes on a base guitar, while the lead guitar takes center position. Another gentleman pulls back a curtain at one side and exposes a platform where he sits among a fortress of drums. They all look at the base guitar, who suddenly stops thumping and nods. There is a brief silence as they look back and forth at each other.
Samuel looks over at Mom, then to Leah. He tugs on Leah’s shirt sleeve and leans over, whispering, “I think someone up there is taking a dump.”
Leah scolds him politely with a return whisper, “Don’t say that! We’re in church!”
But Leah begins to laugh as she witnesses what Samuel is witnessing. The way they look back and forth, it is just like Lark. They do look guilty.
Maybe it’s not guilt, but what could it be? With Lark, it was a straining, forced effort.
Or is it a sense, or a realization that it’s not a proper thing to do in public?
Whatever it is, it’s funny! Josiah joins Leah in laughter.
Respectively, it is quiet laughter, each straining not to laugh aloud. Then Shannon and Mom join in. They laugh for no reason other than the fact that they feel the love of a shared laugh.
Cindy had not laughed like this since before Stephen had disappeared. The laughter is contagious. A couple people near them begin to laugh too.
Cindy recalls one church she’d read about, that made laughter the focal point of the service ...calling it holy laughter. But Cindy feels that is wholly ridiculous.
The main focal point of the congregation is not on laughter though. They are serious. The congregation smiles as the altar band puts on sunglasses.
Cindy wonders what else is about to be altered as their smiles turn into serious and almost trance-like expressions, as they get caught up in a twinkling of an eye, ---but not the type of rapture often alluded to in the Biblical event. This is rather a rhythmic event, with a certain kind of familiar beat.
As for Cindy, she could name that familiar beat. It is all too similar to the spirit of the bar scene. And the congregation swaying back and forth, with curious gyrations, provides an all too familiar association.
355
That is something Cindy had long distanced herself from …though music has a way of resurrecting those once buried feelings. But the Resurrection that she keeps at the core of her beliefs, is not to bring alive the old feelings, but rather to bring about a new Spirit.
The children do not have that association with establishments of food and spirits. Though they still holds the image of Lark in their mind …the image of Lark stooping. That straining and forced effort. And the feeling of whether it was proper to do in public. You don’t have to strain to hear this music, for sure. Shannon wonders how Mom feels about it, but as she looks at Leah, the two of them begin laughing again.
Cindy has little doubt on whether Ruth feels this is a proper thing to do in church ---or anywhere else for that matter. And Cindy tends to agree. Why duplicate the spirit of the bar scene? Why is this song generating more excitement than the beautiful song Shawnna had sung?
After the song is finished, Leah whispers to Mom, “I don’t think I like that.”
Mom smiles, “I don’t know if God does either, but as long as we accept Jesus, we are forgiven and we don’t have to face the music.”
The children do not have that association with establishments of food and spirits. Though they still holds the image of Lark in their mind …the image of Lark stooping. That straining and forced effort. And the feeling of whether it was proper to do in public. You don’t have to strain to hear this music, for sure. Shannon wonders how Mom feels about it, but as she looks at Leah, the two of them begin laughing again.
Cindy has little doubt on whether Ruth feels this is a proper thing to do in church ---or anywhere else for that matter. And Cindy tends to agree. Why duplicate the spirit of the bar scene? Why is this song generating more excitement than the beautiful song Shawnna had sung?
After the song is finished, Leah whispers to Mom, “I don’t think I like that.”
Mom smiles, “I don’t know if God does either, but as long as we accept Jesus, we are forgiven and we don’t have to face the music.”
XXI
Cindy recalls a wayward and much feared family down the street. They had recently helped plan their son's marriage. The son and his bride-to-be had first met during a road rage event. They'd decided to use it as the theme for their wedding. "That's our song!" ---is the way they affectionately referred to the song, which made light of murder.
As she drives home from church, the children are light-hearted and happy. But she has a more serious note. In summation, she realizes that we tend to play everyone's song ...the songs of murderers, thieves, idolaters, adulterers, drunkards; all of which are not representative of what God would have us do.
God accepts us for who we are ---as filthy rags, but do we accept God for who He is ? Or do we accept only what He has done for us ? Do we wear the fine linens Jesus has prepared for us ?
Cindy opens to the last page of her Bible and reads: "Blessed are they that do His commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in …..For without are …whosoever loveth and maketh a lie."
356
Ruth had asked her to go to her church …to see what she thinks of the service. But they will never get to have that follow-up conversation. Ruth had passed away while she and the children were at church.
It takes a while for Cindy to regroup. The children are now all in bed. She walks into the room that no longer breathes of Ruth's presence. Or does it?
As Cindy nears Ruth's favorite chair, she sees an Inspirational Study Bible, New King James Version, open on the table beside her chair. In the columns beside the verses are life lessons compiled by Max Lucado, from a book, The Best of Tozer, compiled by Warren Wiersbe. Not to be caught up into who said what, but rather what God says in His Word. But the thing that catches Cindy's eye is highlighted in Ruth's Bible. The comments were apparently made by A. W. Tozer, but now mixed with Ruth's side comments. Cindy reads:
"One marked difference between the faith of our fathers as conceived by the fathers …and the same faith as understood and lived by their children; is that the fathers were concerned with the root of the matter, while their present-day descendents seem concerned only with the fruit. Our fathers were willing to wait with patience for the fruit to appear (knowing they had a good root and good ground), while today we demand the fruit immediately (sometimes before the seed even touches the ground, or gets a chance to become rooted). Today we may explain away the beliefs of days since gone by and smile off that old serious-minded approach to God by labeling them victims of their own limited religious outlook, finding security in their own narrow and self-righteousness and perspectives. Find comfort if you may that in every generation the number of these seem to become smaller. But I count it wise if you are amoung the dwindling number. Was it not said that wide is the way to destruction, but narrow is the way to life …irregardless as to whether others perceive it as mere narrow-mindedness."
There is another indication of where Ruth's mind had been. Beside her Bible, is a book by Randy Alcorn, entitled, Safely Home.
Over the course of several nights, Cindy reads the book. And it has a tremendous impact upon her, imparting the truth that …Ruth too, is safely home.
Ruth has a gravestone right next to Stephen’s. Cindy tries not to think of the day when Fernye and Rebekkah will join them. But she does find some comfort in knowing that for them, the reunion in Heaven will bring a peace that surpasses all understanding.
It’s too difficult to think about all these mixed emotions. And amid all the grief, Shannon says she doesn’t want to celebrate her birthday this year.
It takes a while for Cindy to regroup. The children are now all in bed. She walks into the room that no longer breathes of Ruth's presence. Or does it?
As Cindy nears Ruth's favorite chair, she sees an Inspirational Study Bible, New King James Version, open on the table beside her chair. In the columns beside the verses are life lessons compiled by Max Lucado, from a book, The Best of Tozer, compiled by Warren Wiersbe. Not to be caught up into who said what, but rather what God says in His Word. But the thing that catches Cindy's eye is highlighted in Ruth's Bible. The comments were apparently made by A. W. Tozer, but now mixed with Ruth's side comments. Cindy reads:
"One marked difference between the faith of our fathers as conceived by the fathers …and the same faith as understood and lived by their children; is that the fathers were concerned with the root of the matter, while their present-day descendents seem concerned only with the fruit. Our fathers were willing to wait with patience for the fruit to appear (knowing they had a good root and good ground), while today we demand the fruit immediately (sometimes before the seed even touches the ground, or gets a chance to become rooted). Today we may explain away the beliefs of days since gone by and smile off that old serious-minded approach to God by labeling them victims of their own limited religious outlook, finding security in their own narrow and self-righteousness and perspectives. Find comfort if you may that in every generation the number of these seem to become smaller. But I count it wise if you are amoung the dwindling number. Was it not said that wide is the way to destruction, but narrow is the way to life …irregardless as to whether others perceive it as mere narrow-mindedness."
There is another indication of where Ruth's mind had been. Beside her Bible, is a book by Randy Alcorn, entitled, Safely Home.
Over the course of several nights, Cindy reads the book. And it has a tremendous impact upon her, imparting the truth that …Ruth too, is safely home.
Ruth has a gravestone right next to Stephen’s. Cindy tries not to think of the day when Fernye and Rebekkah will join them. But she does find some comfort in knowing that for them, the reunion in Heaven will bring a peace that surpasses all understanding.
It’s too difficult to think about all these mixed emotions. And amid all the grief, Shannon says she doesn’t want to celebrate her birthday this year.
357
But there are certain things that make it near impossible to avoid celebrating. And Shannon comes face-to-face with one of these things as she enters the barn at the perimeter of the community.
In the community, everyone doesn’t do the same job. There are difficult tasks to do and different people to do them. It so happens that no one has the desire to work in the barn, except Shannon. It is a lot of work, but Shannon doesn’t consider it work. She considers it a joy, even on her birthday.
As Shannon enters the barn, she makes a wonderful discovery. One of the horses has given birth. It is the cutest little Appaloosa foal! She quickly names him Malachi. The community is accustomed to sharing, but everyone also understands that a horse is best with one owner. And everyone accepts this as Shannon’s birthday horse.
Rebekkah feels they have enough to think about, especially with the passing of Ruth. So she takes away the sometimes lengthy consideration of selling their house. She buys Cindy’s house and the house next door, which happens to be Mrs. Odakota’s house. Rebekkah isn’t sure what she’ll do with the two houses, but maybe she can convert them into craft stores. Or perhaps one could be a craft store and the other one a Christian book store. Parking could be set up between the two buildings. The Silver Crowns love to make crafts, and this may be a way to display and sell them.
With the house sold, Cindy is prepared to move into the walled community. This creates a grand celebration of sorts. Everyone gathers round as Ken reveals the entrance sign he had been working on. He bolts the sign to two posts, so it can be seen by anyone entering the community.
It stands as a standard and a goal for each individual living in the community.
The sign reads:
In the community, everyone doesn’t do the same job. There are difficult tasks to do and different people to do them. It so happens that no one has the desire to work in the barn, except Shannon. It is a lot of work, but Shannon doesn’t consider it work. She considers it a joy, even on her birthday.
As Shannon enters the barn, she makes a wonderful discovery. One of the horses has given birth. It is the cutest little Appaloosa foal! She quickly names him Malachi. The community is accustomed to sharing, but everyone also understands that a horse is best with one owner. And everyone accepts this as Shannon’s birthday horse.
Rebekkah feels they have enough to think about, especially with the passing of Ruth. So she takes away the sometimes lengthy consideration of selling their house. She buys Cindy’s house and the house next door, which happens to be Mrs. Odakota’s house. Rebekkah isn’t sure what she’ll do with the two houses, but maybe she can convert them into craft stores. Or perhaps one could be a craft store and the other one a Christian book store. Parking could be set up between the two buildings. The Silver Crowns love to make crafts, and this may be a way to display and sell them.
With the house sold, Cindy is prepared to move into the walled community. This creates a grand celebration of sorts. Everyone gathers round as Ken reveals the entrance sign he had been working on. He bolts the sign to two posts, so it can be seen by anyone entering the community.
It stands as a standard and a goal for each individual living in the community.
The sign reads:
Philippians 4:8
Whatever things are true,
Whatever things are honest,
Whatever things are just,
Whatever things are pure,
Whatever things are lovely,
Whatever things are of good report;
If there be any virtue,
And if there be any praise,
Think on these things.
Cindy joins Merrie Isaac, Mrs. Odakota, Rebekkah, Fernye, and others as they prepare the first big meal in the church dining hall.
Moriah is in the hallway just outside of the sanctuary with a helium tank. She is inflating balloons in front of an audience of Leah, Josiah, and Samuel. She has their undivided attention.
Shannon is trying to set up and operate the large screen television that is reserved for viewing tapes of mission field operations and select Christian children videos. But she can’t seem to get it hooked up properly. That’s when Stan walks in …and her attention transfers to him. She stands ready to greet him as he walks the full length of the sanctuary towards her.
Suddenly, Stan stops!
His eyes meet hers, his words equally soft and kind, “This community here, is a very fitting memorial to your dad. It’s difficult to find words that can only be adequately expressed through tears. But I’m sure your dad would be extremely pleased and content, knowing that he has a daughter as fine as you.”
George Olitz is also extremely pleased, knowing he is raising a son as fine as Stan. Stan is without question the best there is as far as computers are concerned. But his intelligence far exceeds that. He has a vast accumulation of knowledge in a wide array of subjects. As Fernye continually says, there is not a thing that Stan does not know something about, and there are several things he knew everything about.
Above all, Stan is the perfect gentleman. He not only is polite, but he's also very eloquent in speech. The ladies in Silver Crowns, especially like him. He knows how to compliment someone. And those distinguished ladies in the Silver Crowns, say they have never in their lifetime met anyone quite like Stan. Everyone loves Stan.
Shannon smiles, “I can’t seem to get this hooked up properly. I’m sure it would be a snap for you, Stan.”
Stan politely accepts, “Say no more …I’d love to help you!”
Stan makes it look easy, yet Shannon is sure that if she was to attempt it again, she still would be unable to do it. Mom had asked her to review the New Tribes Mission tape …to see if it is fit for children to view.
Cindy feels that the Bible contains much violence that's not suitable to depict for children. She feels that if God had intended to show us the graphic violence, He would have provided us with a video, instead of the written Word. God’s Word does not fail to show us how thoroughly evil things can become if we are without God in our lives, but His Word focuses on the consequences of evil, not the evil itself. And Mom trusts Shannon’s discretion in this area.
359
Shannon quickly decides that this tape is not for children. Children do not have to be introduced to voodoo. Yet, something draws her to continue to watch it. It is not the interest in the depiction of evil that has her attention, but her empathy and compassion for the afflicted …as they unwillingly face the torment, without hope of deliverance. But there is hope for those seeking and crying out for deliverance.
She sees the agony of those under the influence of evil. She sees their desperation and their fears, with no belief that they could ever be free from it. But Shannon knows they can be free from the torment. And she watches with hopeful anticipation for the moment that it will happen.
And happen it does! The tribal people jump up and down with joy.
Shannon’s heart jumps with them in celebration. There is no joy more true. The pure joy of freedom in Christ, free from the sin and its torment, free to feel the peace that only God can give ...it brings tears to her eyes.
Moriah finishes inflating the balloons, and steps inside the sanctuary with her audience of Leah, Josiah, and Samuel.
Shannon takes out the New Tribes Mission tape as she sees them enter from the hallway. She has another box of tapes beside her. How long has it been? It's been a couple months shy of three years? Yes, that’s about right. That’s how long it’s been since everything went wrong.
Shannon takes a tape out of the box and puts it in the VCR as Leah, Josiah, and Samuel approach, showing her their balloons. But as the tape begins to play, Leah and Josiah stand motionless, oblivious to the fact that their balloons dance about the ceiling, having escaped their grasp.
Samuel looks up at the balloons, then back at Leah and Josiah, wondering why they had let their balloons go. Samuel follows their stare at the big screen, then follows suit, releasing his balloon. His balloon floats to the ceiling, joining the others.
Cindy enters the sanctuary as Samuel releases his balloon. She stands motionless as she sees why he had let it go. Samuel approaches the big screen. There is something there that Cindy had not released. Something she had not really let go of ...not only in life, but in death also. It is her seemingly insurmountable struggles with Stephen. Past struggles had become present ones. She had made all his dreams come true, but she had not helped the children enjoy him.
On the big screen, is a man whom Samuel has never seen before. Leah and Josiah are laughing and playing as they view the man they still call, 'Dad'.
The joy generated between both Leah and Josiah, brings immediate joy to Samuel. He begins to jump about, whirling and skip-jumping as much as a two-year-old can.
She sees the agony of those under the influence of evil. She sees their desperation and their fears, with no belief that they could ever be free from it. But Shannon knows they can be free from the torment. And she watches with hopeful anticipation for the moment that it will happen.
And happen it does! The tribal people jump up and down with joy.
Shannon’s heart jumps with them in celebration. There is no joy more true. The pure joy of freedom in Christ, free from the sin and its torment, free to feel the peace that only God can give ...it brings tears to her eyes.
Moriah finishes inflating the balloons, and steps inside the sanctuary with her audience of Leah, Josiah, and Samuel.
Shannon takes out the New Tribes Mission tape as she sees them enter from the hallway. She has another box of tapes beside her. How long has it been? It's been a couple months shy of three years? Yes, that’s about right. That’s how long it’s been since everything went wrong.
Shannon takes a tape out of the box and puts it in the VCR as Leah, Josiah, and Samuel approach, showing her their balloons. But as the tape begins to play, Leah and Josiah stand motionless, oblivious to the fact that their balloons dance about the ceiling, having escaped their grasp.
Samuel looks up at the balloons, then back at Leah and Josiah, wondering why they had let their balloons go. Samuel follows their stare at the big screen, then follows suit, releasing his balloon. His balloon floats to the ceiling, joining the others.
Cindy enters the sanctuary as Samuel releases his balloon. She stands motionless as she sees why he had let it go. Samuel approaches the big screen. There is something there that Cindy had not released. Something she had not really let go of ...not only in life, but in death also. It is her seemingly insurmountable struggles with Stephen. Past struggles had become present ones. She had made all his dreams come true, but she had not helped the children enjoy him.
On the big screen, is a man whom Samuel has never seen before. Leah and Josiah are laughing and playing as they view the man they still call, 'Dad'.
The joy generated between both Leah and Josiah, brings immediate joy to Samuel. He begins to jump about, whirling and skip-jumping as much as a two-year-old can.
360
Leah and Josiah take their eyes off the video and begin whirling about with Samuel, no longer containing themselves. They gather joy, not from without, but from a celebration of that joy which is now within …just like the joyful celebration of the New Tribes Mission tape.
Stan has a video-camera with him and he captures this priceless moment. Meanwhile, Cindy stands in the doorway of the sanctuary, suddenly noticed by Shannon, “I’m sorry, Mom …you trusted me and now I’ve done something without your permission.”
Mom gasps for air, caught by the vivid reminder of her husband, his loving presence caught on the big screen. She catches a breath, “I said I trusted your discretion …and I still do, more, in fact, than I do my own. Obviously, you’ve understood more than me …that something as important as this cannot be hidden.”
She hugs Shannon. Their tears flow together.
Mom catches another breath, “Look at Samuel ...he’s enjoying what I was keeping from him. I’ve been keeping it from all of you, haven’t I?” Cindy cries, “Shannon, how come Dad and I couldn’t get along?”
Shannon continues to hold Mom close, “Dad’s main problem with you was really the same as how I feel.”
Mom cries, “I’ve just messed up all of you, haven’t I?” She drops down on one knee, her tear-ridden face, facing Shannon.
Shannon touches Mom’s cheek, gently wiping a tear, “No, we all love you. But Dad loved you too. He just wanted more time with you …and that’s what we want too. When Dad was home, you were gone to activities. Now that he’s gone, you’re still absorbed in activities. Some are activities to help you forget. Other activities are to help you cope, as a memorial to him, as if you are living out his dreams. But they are still activities. In a way, I see you are trying to live for him, but it’s still not in a way that he would have liked. Dad wouldn’t live this way. He was always there for us. You were the one missing …and you still are, in a different sort of way. We want you back …we love you, Mom!”
This is a moment for mom and daughter. Shannon and Mom continue to embrace as Fernye and Rebekkah approach, unnoticed.
Leah, Josiah, and Samuel continue to leap about. Fernye points to their joyous dance, whispering to her friend, “Looks like we have a revival here. Always cause for celebration …a much needed rebirth of a love that’s already in your heart, but needs a little rekindling.”
Stan has a video-camera with him and he captures this priceless moment. Meanwhile, Cindy stands in the doorway of the sanctuary, suddenly noticed by Shannon, “I’m sorry, Mom …you trusted me and now I’ve done something without your permission.”
Mom gasps for air, caught by the vivid reminder of her husband, his loving presence caught on the big screen. She catches a breath, “I said I trusted your discretion …and I still do, more, in fact, than I do my own. Obviously, you’ve understood more than me …that something as important as this cannot be hidden.”
She hugs Shannon. Their tears flow together.
Mom catches another breath, “Look at Samuel ...he’s enjoying what I was keeping from him. I’ve been keeping it from all of you, haven’t I?” Cindy cries, “Shannon, how come Dad and I couldn’t get along?”
Shannon continues to hold Mom close, “Dad’s main problem with you was really the same as how I feel.”
Mom cries, “I’ve just messed up all of you, haven’t I?” She drops down on one knee, her tear-ridden face, facing Shannon.
Shannon touches Mom’s cheek, gently wiping a tear, “No, we all love you. But Dad loved you too. He just wanted more time with you …and that’s what we want too. When Dad was home, you were gone to activities. Now that he’s gone, you’re still absorbed in activities. Some are activities to help you forget. Other activities are to help you cope, as a memorial to him, as if you are living out his dreams. But they are still activities. In a way, I see you are trying to live for him, but it’s still not in a way that he would have liked. Dad wouldn’t live this way. He was always there for us. You were the one missing …and you still are, in a different sort of way. We want you back …we love you, Mom!”
This is a moment for mom and daughter. Shannon and Mom continue to embrace as Fernye and Rebekkah approach, unnoticed.
Leah, Josiah, and Samuel continue to leap about. Fernye points to their joyous dance, whispering to her friend, “Looks like we have a revival here. Always cause for celebration …a much needed rebirth of a love that’s already in your heart, but needs a little rekindling.”
361
Fernye has a tendency to repeat herself …especially when it is concerning the things of God. One of Fernye’s favorite subjects is that concerning revivals. She tells of one in the 1800’s. And of course, she draws comparison to most revivals of today. Today, a revival can purpose to increase the size of the particular church that is holding the revival, or the numbering of people who attend the scheduled events in the various cities. The loyalty or commitment is often to the title or the speaker of the event. Fernye would compare it to King David’s error in numbering the people of Israel.
Fernye also reflects on how we live our daily lives. What was present in the revivals of the 1800’s, but missing for the most part today, is a changing of the outlook on how we live. Most present day revivals fall short of entering our hearts to make the change. Our leisure activities, that we view as the valuable possessions in our lives, do not show a transformation of the way we live. At least, Fernye feels so.
Rebekkah makes reference to a revival here in the walled community, “We should really witness a transformation here. As one of Stephen’s references to Isaiah fifty-eight, verses six and seven, mentions: To undo the heavy burdens, to deal bread to the poor, cover the naked …we’ve got great potential here, to send food and clothing to the city distribution centers. And the Silver Crowns love to make clothes and stitch quilts.”
Fernye looks towards Leah, Josiah, and Samuel, “I was reading the Book of Malachi, the other day. I believe I now realize the Chapter we could not make out that Stephen was referencing to. It’s the last Chapter. Actually, it’s the last Chapter of the entire Old Testament.”
The children are sitting quietly now, watching the video of Dad. Fernye continues her thought, “It says that before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord, Elijah will come. And he will turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers.”
Cindy overhears what Fernye is saying. She smiles through her tears, “Look at them! The hearts of the children are certainly turned towards their Dad. Look how nice and quiet they are sitting.”
Shannon asks, “Why do you think they were jumping around so much before?” Shannon had her own ideas to share on how her brothers’ and sister’s jumping for joy reminded her of the natives’ newly found joy in Christ, but first she wants to hear what the others have to say.
Fernye speaks up first, “Let me tell you a story about King David.”
Shannon sits down with Mom, near Fernye. Perhaps she will not get to tell her point of view, after all. Everyone loves to hear Fernye tell a story.
Fernye also reflects on how we live our daily lives. What was present in the revivals of the 1800’s, but missing for the most part today, is a changing of the outlook on how we live. Most present day revivals fall short of entering our hearts to make the change. Our leisure activities, that we view as the valuable possessions in our lives, do not show a transformation of the way we live. At least, Fernye feels so.
Rebekkah makes reference to a revival here in the walled community, “We should really witness a transformation here. As one of Stephen’s references to Isaiah fifty-eight, verses six and seven, mentions: To undo the heavy burdens, to deal bread to the poor, cover the naked …we’ve got great potential here, to send food and clothing to the city distribution centers. And the Silver Crowns love to make clothes and stitch quilts.”
Fernye looks towards Leah, Josiah, and Samuel, “I was reading the Book of Malachi, the other day. I believe I now realize the Chapter we could not make out that Stephen was referencing to. It’s the last Chapter. Actually, it’s the last Chapter of the entire Old Testament.”
The children are sitting quietly now, watching the video of Dad. Fernye continues her thought, “It says that before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord, Elijah will come. And he will turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers.”
Cindy overhears what Fernye is saying. She smiles through her tears, “Look at them! The hearts of the children are certainly turned towards their Dad. Look how nice and quiet they are sitting.”
Shannon asks, “Why do you think they were jumping around so much before?” Shannon had her own ideas to share on how her brothers’ and sister’s jumping for joy reminded her of the natives’ newly found joy in Christ, but first she wants to hear what the others have to say.
Fernye speaks up first, “Let me tell you a story about King David.”
Shannon sits down with Mom, near Fernye. Perhaps she will not get to tell her point of view, after all. Everyone loves to hear Fernye tell a story.
362
Fernye waits until the video finishes and the children all eagerly gather around. Fernye frequently tells a story as she imagines it, not necessarily how it had been heard before, “Picture, David as a shepherd. David had a joy about him that touched people’s hearts, and that joy entered the king's palace as he played various instruments for them. But, where do you suppose he got that joy?”
Fernye didn’t leave much time for supposing, “David was a shepherd, remember. Have you ever seen a young lamb? Not all of them are this way, but if you’ve seen as many as I have seen born, you’ll be sure to see at least one of them running around and jumping all about, bursting with joy and delight. I imagine David, who cared for the sheep and defended the sheep, probably joined the young lamb, leaping with joy. I do believe that those who work hard and sacrifice, also have an increased level of joy. I believe this was true for David too. And I imagine he skipped, sang, and even played any number of musical tunes while dancing through the fields.”
Moriah adds her perspective, “So, David never lost the joy? He always kept his child-like dance within his heart?”
Fernye considers what Moriah is asking, “Well, he never lost it, though on a few occasions, he did move from the things that gave him joy.”
Rebekkah shares her living experience, “We can do the same thing too, if we’re not careful. We will never lose our joy, but we can leave it and even throw it away.”
Fernye continues her joy, “David left it at times, but he never threw it away. He never denied his God, the true joy-giver. Psalm fifty-one is a good one.”
Shannon asks, “Why do you suppose David left his joy?”
Fernye is happy to explain, “The same reason we leave it. He didn’t lose the joy, he just lost his focus. He had been given much more responsibility …and he was distracted. Sometimes we don’t want the responsibility, but freely accept the territory that goes with it. I’m not sure David wanted the responsibility or the territory, but God chose him. He was chosen while he was just a shepherd boy. But it was as a shepherd boy, that God gave him the faith. The faith to protect the flock from lion and bear, and later deliver the scared sheep from Goliath. Leading the flock, as King, brought on it’s own fears. But David had time to work out some of those fears before he led the nation.”
Moriah admits, “I know I would be afraid if someone came after me with a javelin.”
Fernye quickly points out, “But the effect of those fears carried on, into the years when David was king too. The very same shepherd boy who walked with God through peaceful pastures, became King. He was to learn, beyond fear, to respect and love God in a way that we are still today learning from.”
Fernye didn’t leave much time for supposing, “David was a shepherd, remember. Have you ever seen a young lamb? Not all of them are this way, but if you’ve seen as many as I have seen born, you’ll be sure to see at least one of them running around and jumping all about, bursting with joy and delight. I imagine David, who cared for the sheep and defended the sheep, probably joined the young lamb, leaping with joy. I do believe that those who work hard and sacrifice, also have an increased level of joy. I believe this was true for David too. And I imagine he skipped, sang, and even played any number of musical tunes while dancing through the fields.”
Moriah adds her perspective, “So, David never lost the joy? He always kept his child-like dance within his heart?”
Fernye considers what Moriah is asking, “Well, he never lost it, though on a few occasions, he did move from the things that gave him joy.”
Rebekkah shares her living experience, “We can do the same thing too, if we’re not careful. We will never lose our joy, but we can leave it and even throw it away.”
Fernye continues her joy, “David left it at times, but he never threw it away. He never denied his God, the true joy-giver. Psalm fifty-one is a good one.”
Shannon asks, “Why do you suppose David left his joy?”
Fernye is happy to explain, “The same reason we leave it. He didn’t lose the joy, he just lost his focus. He had been given much more responsibility …and he was distracted. Sometimes we don’t want the responsibility, but freely accept the territory that goes with it. I’m not sure David wanted the responsibility or the territory, but God chose him. He was chosen while he was just a shepherd boy. But it was as a shepherd boy, that God gave him the faith. The faith to protect the flock from lion and bear, and later deliver the scared sheep from Goliath. Leading the flock, as King, brought on it’s own fears. But David had time to work out some of those fears before he led the nation.”
Moriah admits, “I know I would be afraid if someone came after me with a javelin.”
Fernye quickly points out, “But the effect of those fears carried on, into the years when David was king too. The very same shepherd boy who walked with God through peaceful pastures, became King. He was to learn, beyond fear, to respect and love God in a way that we are still today learning from.”
363
Shannon appears confused, “I didn’t know that David ever feared God. How did he fear God?”
Fernye, as always, finds this teaching, a story-telling delight, “King David initially would not let the ark of God to come unto him, because he had muddled his head.”
Josiah laughs loudly, “What’s a mud head?”
Fernye laughs along with him, “Not a mud head. More like a muddlehead, but not quite. David was not a muddlehead, he was a man of God. But when we allow our minds to drift away from God, our mind can become muddled. Muddled is, well, you have to break it down. There’s two words in muddled: mud and led. If you allow someone to lead you through the mud, several things happen. Now, you children might like the mud, but adults are too dignified, especially a King.”
This time it’s Leah’s turn, “What’s dignified? Does it have anything to do with digging?”
With children, it’s often difficult to get to the point of the story. She laughs, “No. Though some digging may give you a dis'-stink-'tion, but that’s a different story. Let’s stick with an adult being led into the mud. When an adult is covered with mud, it makes them feel undigni---, let’s just say, rather uncomfortable. They’re in a sticky situation and it begins to weigh them down. And if they try to clear their own vision, often they just get more mud in their eyes. They not only feel weighted down with their sticky situation, but they can no longer see straight and they become muddled.”
Josiah’s eyes get as big as his voice, “Can’t someone just help him wash the mud off!”
Fernye smiles at the simple child-like logic, “Well, it’s kind of sticky! But yes, Josiah, our Lord can wash us clean. And once David allowed that childhood joy, that closeness to the Lord, to return, ---the joy of the shepherd boy---, he began to dance with a song in his heart again, the songs of his youth. But he also carried a new song in his heart.”
Leah’s wide eyes bring satisfaction to a well-told story, “I can find all that in the Bible?”
Fernye doesn’t hesitate to admit, “Well, actually, no. And I don’t want you to think I’m adding to the Bible. That we shouldn’t do! I just want to add to the emotional feel of it.”
Fernye, as always, finds this teaching, a story-telling delight, “King David initially would not let the ark of God to come unto him, because he had muddled his head.”
Josiah laughs loudly, “What’s a mud head?”
Fernye laughs along with him, “Not a mud head. More like a muddlehead, but not quite. David was not a muddlehead, he was a man of God. But when we allow our minds to drift away from God, our mind can become muddled. Muddled is, well, you have to break it down. There’s two words in muddled: mud and led. If you allow someone to lead you through the mud, several things happen. Now, you children might like the mud, but adults are too dignified, especially a King.”
This time it’s Leah’s turn, “What’s dignified? Does it have anything to do with digging?”
With children, it’s often difficult to get to the point of the story. She laughs, “No. Though some digging may give you a dis'-stink-'tion, but that’s a different story. Let’s stick with an adult being led into the mud. When an adult is covered with mud, it makes them feel undigni---, let’s just say, rather uncomfortable. They’re in a sticky situation and it begins to weigh them down. And if they try to clear their own vision, often they just get more mud in their eyes. They not only feel weighted down with their sticky situation, but they can no longer see straight and they become muddled.”
Josiah’s eyes get as big as his voice, “Can’t someone just help him wash the mud off!”
Fernye smiles at the simple child-like logic, “Well, it’s kind of sticky! But yes, Josiah, our Lord can wash us clean. And once David allowed that childhood joy, that closeness to the Lord, to return, ---the joy of the shepherd boy---, he began to dance with a song in his heart again, the songs of his youth. But he also carried a new song in his heart.”
Leah’s wide eyes bring satisfaction to a well-told story, “I can find all that in the Bible?”
Fernye doesn’t hesitate to admit, “Well, actually, no. And I don’t want you to think I’m adding to the Bible. That we shouldn’t do! I just want to add to the emotional feel of it.”
364
Cindy is well aware of that emotional feel and the songs of her youth. Cindy is about to speak, but it seems as though Fernye anticipates, clarifying her own point, “But that’s only if the song of your youth refers to the joy you felt, and the song in your heart as a new Christian. Like Jesus says in the Book of Matthew, Chapter eighteen, verse three: We are to be converted and become as little children. With the joy that we’ve seen in little Samuel here. Not the joy of a time that felt good in our youth while still within our rebellion and our worldly struggles.”
Rebekkah feels her emotions speak one more time, “Feeling too comfortable brings on its own problems too. David was overcome with the world’s temptations. He not only killed the enemy, but the spirit of himself …as Nathan put it so directly to him. As painful as it was to hear, God used that illustration to draw David back to Him.” XXII
Moriah greets everyone on Sunday, as they arrive at church. It is the first service held within the walled community. And Moriah stands at the door, happily greeting everyone. Her Dad and Mom will later join her and the congregation as they hear the message from Pastor Paul. Lorvin and Aleah had recommended him as the Pastor. He had spent forty years in the mission field, and had just recently retired.
As Pastor Paul begins his message, you'd think that at some time he'd also heard Fernye's story about King David. You could perhaps guess that to be true …but it is more likely that God was once again complimenting His own message through His willing servants. This is often the case. In either case, the subject of music and King David comes up again.
And Pastor Paul carries that message to his congregation from the pulpit, "The music of my youth seemed to close out any feeling of God, to me. The tunes were in my head. I could hum and feel like I was emptying myself of the day's stress. I could relax and not feel burdened. Many people would consider that a gift, to be able to do that. But did it bring me closer to God? No, it only brought me closer to my past understanding of happiness. Why did that happen, you may ask? It was because I was feeling discontentment. When I'm not satisfied with the way God is running my life, there is always much to fill me up, just waiting to satisfy. Perhaps it's only because I don't understand, but whatever the reason, the door is still open because I didn't take the initiative to shut it."
Rebekkah feels her emotions speak one more time, “Feeling too comfortable brings on its own problems too. David was overcome with the world’s temptations. He not only killed the enemy, but the spirit of himself …as Nathan put it so directly to him. As painful as it was to hear, God used that illustration to draw David back to Him.” XXII
Moriah greets everyone on Sunday, as they arrive at church. It is the first service held within the walled community. And Moriah stands at the door, happily greeting everyone. Her Dad and Mom will later join her and the congregation as they hear the message from Pastor Paul. Lorvin and Aleah had recommended him as the Pastor. He had spent forty years in the mission field, and had just recently retired.
As Pastor Paul begins his message, you'd think that at some time he'd also heard Fernye's story about King David. You could perhaps guess that to be true …but it is more likely that God was once again complimenting His own message through His willing servants. This is often the case. In either case, the subject of music and King David comes up again.
And Pastor Paul carries that message to his congregation from the pulpit, "The music of my youth seemed to close out any feeling of God, to me. The tunes were in my head. I could hum and feel like I was emptying myself of the day's stress. I could relax and not feel burdened. Many people would consider that a gift, to be able to do that. But did it bring me closer to God? No, it only brought me closer to my past understanding of happiness. Why did that happen, you may ask? It was because I was feeling discontentment. When I'm not satisfied with the way God is running my life, there is always much to fill me up, just waiting to satisfy. Perhaps it's only because I don't understand, but whatever the reason, the door is still open because I didn't take the initiative to shut it."
365
Pastor Paul picks up the clear glass of water, taking a drink, then returning it to the edge of the platform. "We are told to flee temptation, but we leave the door open. Instead of running from it, we often hurry to it …the old way of doing things. But in those days of old, did we bring our problems to God? As I see it, we are either going to God or turning away from Him. Or perhaps we are just standing still. And I know the anxiousness …especially of our youth. None of us stand still very long. We all eventually have to move …and we either move towards God or we move away from God. And if we move away from God, it doesn't matter whether we walk or run …it's not the speed of the retreat that gets us in trouble, it's the direction. When I was young, I remember the church was planning a youth retreat. I recall that I didn't go because I was so afraid. I thought they were going to retreat from their parents and God."
He hesitates for a brief moment as the congregation laughs, "Yes, we need direction in our lives. And at the end of the day, we need to feel renewed with purpose. Because if we end the day with renewed purpose, we'll wake up in the morning with renewed purpose. You may say, I was not a Christian in my youth, therefore, I did not have purpose. That isn't true, we all have purpose. But if we are now Christians, how do we find new purpose? Well, you can turn with me to First Corinthians, Chapter fourteen, verse seven. It asks us: How shall it be known what is piped or harped? Now, I could continue to harp on you with these things, but let me just say this: If we were to remove the words from our music, what sound would we hear? And what significance is there if the music dominates the words? Often there is more focus on the music than the words. And how often we can't even hear the words? Verse thirty-three: God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. Do we feel peace because we are ridding ourselves of stress, whether through music or through meditation? Or having a hobby instead of a hubby, or instead of being a hubby? Married couples, you need to turn together towards God, not towards externals, to deal with stress."
Pastor Paul takes a couple more gulps of water before giving the congregation something else to swallow, "We cannot come to God with a self-generated feeling of wholeness. We cannot feel peace because we merely feel good about ourselves. Do we feel good because the Red Wings are winning or because our church defeated another church in a softball game? Or is it as simple as hitting five green lights in a row on our way to work? You adults, think back …what was it in High School? A varsity jacket, a class ring, or being elected for the Homecoming Court? Then was it the quick acceptance at work, getting your own locker, your own cubical, or getting the keys to the executive bathroom? And as a Christian, what is it? Back to verse twelve …are you zealous of spiritual gifts? And if so, do you excel to the edifying of the church, or are you merely edifying yourself ? Do you relieve yourself any better by using the executive bathroom?"
366
Pastor Paul takes another gulp of water, "We are not to put distance between ourselves by granting our own elite-ness, portraying a holier than thou attitude. And we are not to assume we are the distributor of gifts. If God would have us to be an auto mechanic, then we are to be an auto mechanic. We are not to compel the auto mechanic to be a doctor and a doctor to be an auto mechanic. What we should all feel compelled to do, is to bring the message of salvation to the lost. Once they receive the message, God will prepare them further to receive what God will have them receive. We are to edify one another, not confuse each other's way. Doubt, discouragement, comparison, exclusiveness, distractions ---how many more can we name that we fall victim to? Or are we further deceived, and use them within our own private arsenal, unknowingly taking our own unwilling victims, all too willing to attain the same high standards, their own exclusiveness."
He hesitates for a brief moment as the congregation laughs, "Yes, we need direction in our lives. And at the end of the day, we need to feel renewed with purpose. Because if we end the day with renewed purpose, we'll wake up in the morning with renewed purpose. You may say, I was not a Christian in my youth, therefore, I did not have purpose. That isn't true, we all have purpose. But if we are now Christians, how do we find new purpose? Well, you can turn with me to First Corinthians, Chapter fourteen, verse seven. It asks us: How shall it be known what is piped or harped? Now, I could continue to harp on you with these things, but let me just say this: If we were to remove the words from our music, what sound would we hear? And what significance is there if the music dominates the words? Often there is more focus on the music than the words. And how often we can't even hear the words? Verse thirty-three: God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. Do we feel peace because we are ridding ourselves of stress, whether through music or through meditation? Or having a hobby instead of a hubby, or instead of being a hubby? Married couples, you need to turn together towards God, not towards externals, to deal with stress."
Pastor Paul takes a couple more gulps of water before giving the congregation something else to swallow, "We cannot come to God with a self-generated feeling of wholeness. We cannot feel peace because we merely feel good about ourselves. Do we feel good because the Red Wings are winning or because our church defeated another church in a softball game? Or is it as simple as hitting five green lights in a row on our way to work? You adults, think back …what was it in High School? A varsity jacket, a class ring, or being elected for the Homecoming Court? Then was it the quick acceptance at work, getting your own locker, your own cubical, or getting the keys to the executive bathroom? And as a Christian, what is it? Back to verse twelve …are you zealous of spiritual gifts? And if so, do you excel to the edifying of the church, or are you merely edifying yourself ? Do you relieve yourself any better by using the executive bathroom?"
366
Pastor Paul takes another gulp of water, "We are not to put distance between ourselves by granting our own elite-ness, portraying a holier than thou attitude. And we are not to assume we are the distributor of gifts. If God would have us to be an auto mechanic, then we are to be an auto mechanic. We are not to compel the auto mechanic to be a doctor and a doctor to be an auto mechanic. What we should all feel compelled to do, is to bring the message of salvation to the lost. Once they receive the message, God will prepare them further to receive what God will have them receive. We are to edify one another, not confuse each other's way. Doubt, discouragement, comparison, exclusiveness, distractions ---how many more can we name that we fall victim to? Or are we further deceived, and use them within our own private arsenal, unknowingly taking our own unwilling victims, all too willing to attain the same high standards, their own exclusiveness."
XXIII
Living modestly in the walled community and pooling their resources, makes possible the surplus of available funds for each to individually and prayerfully consider their investments. After the sermon by Pastor Paul on Sunday, the enthusiasm of each member of the community to direct their attention towards the needs of others, springs into action. The community doesn't purpose to stay within the walls of their community. Yes, it does serve to create a safe and healthy environment for the children, but each adult views the world outside the community in a slightly different way.
In one sort of way, each views the world outside the walls as a mission field, of sorts. Yes, now they can increase their support to missions throughout the world, but it's not just how they spend their money, but more importantly ---their time. All activity was never meant to be confined to solely within the community. The message is not to build walls, but to minister outside the walls. The message of salvation is to be of utmost importance and should be the foremost focus in our lives ...firstly to our children, as a living example, then to others. Pastor Paul had emphasized that point.
367
The first chance to put their renewed commitment into action comes as Merrie Isaac's brother takes ill. Richard Castor is a diabetic, and he doesn't take very good care of himself. Now he has to lose his foot. He is angry, but he isn't angry at God …because he doesn't really believe in God. But you can tell he wants to be angry at someone. He wants to blame someone. He feels life is unfair. But he isn't about to blame himself. Maybe he can believe in God for a short time …just long enough to blame Him.
Of course, he knows that's absurd! So his bitterness is directed at his sister, Merrie. "So why would your loving God allow this to happen to me?"
He is scheduled to have his foot removed tomorrow. Merrie wants to tell him it is his own fault for having neglected himself, but what she really wants to focus on is not his neglect of himself, but of his relationship towards God. Merrie knows that at the root of it all, he isn't angry. He is really sad and hurt. But he is also stubborn …real stubborn. And that turns his hurt into anger. He is like a dog, hit by a car. That's how this news about his foot has hit him. And like some injured animal, he won't let anyone get close enough to help the hurt.
Merrie feels it's best that she not be the one to talk to him. It seems like one of the biggest contradictions in this life ---that you hurt most those whom you love the most. But even worse, is to turn against the One who loves you the very most ---our loving God. That brings back the initial question ...the question he had asked her just the other day. Why would a loving God allow this to happen?
Merrie loves to cook. Shannon and Moriah had helped her prepare and serve the noon meal at the walled community. Meals were sent to those not feeling well and Fernye was one of those not feeling well. So that dashed Merrie's hopes that Fernye would be able to join them at the hospital. Fernye would've known what to say…having the most experience in talking about God. But that would have to be another day. She said she'd be okay in a day or two, and sent the three of them along with a word of encouragement.
Moriah's parents are at a mission conference, giving Cindy the rights of permission. Cindy has reason enough not to venture out on such a cold day, with Leah, Josiah, and Samuel. But she grants permission for Shannon and Moriah to go, as long as they're careful.
Shannon and Moriah smile at each other. They aren't going to be the ones driving. But parents are like that sometimes …asking you to be careful covers a lot of things.
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Cindy prays, realizing they are really in God's care. It would appear to be too early in the autumn for snow to fall, but those are actual flakes out there. The weather does, whether anyone likes it or not. After all, this is Michigan! The roads are icy, but Merrie is a good driver. And she realizes she has extra special cargo.
Upon reaching the hospital room, Richard isn't there. Merrie assumes that they moved him to another room. She checks with the nursing station, "Richard Castor? He just went for some tests. He'll be back shortly."
They return to the room to wait. It is a double room. A young gentleman is in the next bed, his eyes shut. An elderly lady, assumedly his mom, is in a chair beside his bed, holding his hand …her eyes, also shut. The elderly lady could be presumed to be praying, or presumed to have been praying, her present status now interrupted by loud abrupt snores. It does seem like a good idea, to pray, minus the snoring. Merrie, Moriah, and Shannon circle around Richard's empty bed to quietly pray for him …to pray for what they will say to him.
Merrie holds hands with Shannon and Moriah. Eyes shut, she quietly begins to pray.
But no sooner does she begin, the young man blurts out, "Don't waste your time! I don't believe in God!"
It startles Merrie and she stops praying. They look over at the young man in the adjacent bed. You can tell by the embarrassed look on both of their faces.
The elderly lady verifies it, "I'm sorry, my son doesn't believe in God. No disrespect, I'm sure he just thought it was me praying."
She turns to her son, "Now apologize to them, Clarence."
Clarence is embarrassed, but more prideful than repentant, "I don't need to apologize to them. This is a hospital and I can do any sick thing I want."
Clarence's mom gets up from her chair to extend a hand to Merrie, "By the way, my name's Gertie."
Merrie introduces herself, Shannon, and Moriah ---before Gertie continues, "These youngsters don't realize what spiritual battles rage on around us. You two are probably too young to have remembered that great debate that took place ten years ago, but they've aired it several times over the years …in fact, just recently. When was it? Last weekend …that's when I saw it. Did you happen to see it? Cindy Bauer against that Leonard Ennul Awol."
Merrie politely corrects the pronunciation, "Leonard, ---Ilam Ewald."
Gertie makes clear her interest, "That Cindy Bauer is great. I just love to hear her talk!"
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Shannon wants to proudly say, "That's my Mom!"; but she can't quite bring herself to. She had joined the community in watching the airing of the debate and how the show was handled. Afterwards, the interviews they did with select people, showed how distorted it had all become. And Gertie sounds just like one of these people.
Gertie expresses her unquestioned beliefs, "A society that doesn't believe, has no purpose. We must unite in the spirit of the Essence."
Gertie's words were almost precisely the words of one lady they had interviewed on television, after the airing of the debate. Shannon recalls Fernye's comments about the lady's comments, "That's blasphemy against the Holy Spirit!"
Shannon had felt hurt by the way the television program had distorted the truth. But now, that hurt is magnified.
Gertie summarizes, "It's the Essence that we all share. The common spirit. That's the true beauty that came out of the debate."
Richard Castor returns to the room at this time. At about the same time, a young man joins Gertie and her son. Gertie politely acknowledges, "This is my oldest son, Rodney."
Richard greets his own sister and politely nods as Shannon and Moriah are introduced. But his interest is shown elsewhere, "I'm expecting my daughter, Kalie. She said she'd be up here today. Are the roads slippery?"
Merrie doesn't want to worry her brother. She knows how concerned he gets over his daughter. But she also believes in being honest, "The roads are rather slippery in spots. I couldn't help from skidding a couple times. But if you drive slow, the roads are manageable."
It is obvious that Richard and Rodney had met before. Some men seem to create an instant bond of respect for each other. Or perhaps it is more accurately, a common disrespect for women.
Richard only held exception for his daughter. His sister, he treated like every other woman, "My sister isn't an experienced driver. How did you find the roads, Rodney?"
Rodney smiles, "I just looked out the windshield and there they were."
But before he could say more, and the men could draw alliance, Gertie jumps to Merrie's defense, "Don't ask Rodney. When it comes to speeding, none is a greater offender. Offender of the fender. I wouldn't be surprised if my son didn't run everyone off the road."
This definitely wasn't beginning like the encouraging visit they had prayed for. And Merrie cringes at Gertie's comments.
Richard would be worried enough about his daughter. Now he'd be thinking about nothing else. As concerned as he is, thinking about his daughter, Richard is able to vent some frustration. To everyone's surprise, Richard poises his question to Moriah, "Being a black girl, do you think life is fair?"
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Moriah is all too familiar with hearing ignorant statements. She'd already heard the disrespectful comment he made to his sister. And disrespect and ignorance go hand-in-hand, along with biases, prejudices, sometimes disdain. Richard's question actually has two parts to it ---the black person part, and the part about life in general.
Moriah is prepared to answer both, but she isn't going to make it that easy for him, "What do you mean by that?"
Richard would not accept the fact that his question may be a little out-of-line, "You know what I mean. For years, your people have had to fight to even be thought of as human beings. You look to be well-educated enough. Whether you get it from your daddy and your mommy, or through the history books, you must have been told of some of the horrible abuses of slavery. And with every right that you've fought for and think you've gained, your people have still not escaped the bondage. You continue to do it to yourself, your own race. Your race has the highest percent of child abuse, wife beatings, rape, murder -----."
Merrie is totally embarrassed. She knows her brother is making this up, or got it from some of his ignorant friends. Richard's main appetite for reading is comic books.
Moriah wonders whether Richard is a white supremist. Or is he just a bitter bigot, unable to accept that Obama is President?
Merrie had briefed Moriah on some of the details about her brother, but not this extensively. He certainly is bitter. And you can see why. Tomorrow he's scheduled for surgery to cut off his foot, then they'll have to surgically remove the other one from his mouth. The thought crosses her mind, but she isn't going to say it …better to maintain focus on why she's really here. Her brother is going to have his foot removed, but more importantly, what needs to be removed is the wall that stands between God and him. That's why he's bitter. That is why he doesn't think life is fair. And that's why he's challenging, though he hasn't mentioned it yet today, why a loving God would allow this to happen.
Moriah addresses his reference to her being black, "So, you think that because I'm a black girl, I have reason to think life hasn't been fair? Let me ask you this? Do you believe in God?"
Richard always anticipates this will soon become part of the conversation with Merrie, or any of her friends, "If I ever considered whether there might be a God, I'm farthest from that belief right now. If there is a loving God, I can't believe this would be happening to me. I don't know anyone that prays more than my sister and I don't know anyone my sister prays for more than me, so why would her loving God ignore all her fervent requests?"
Moriah looks deep into Richard's eyes, "So, basically you're asking why a loving God would let bad things happen. Would you say you're more protective of your daughter than you are, let's say, your sister?"
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Richard hesitates to answer. He believes his daughter can do no wrong in his eyes, yet, he is constantly criticizing his sister.
Moriah lets the thought quickly build by placing the next thought, "I'd gather to say from this short visit, that you are way more protective of Kalie, your precious child, than you are of anyone else. Well, Merrie and I are God's precious children. And you ask why would God allow bad things to happen? Yes, why would God allow you to criticize your sister, His child, about her driving or any other thing you choose to complain about?"
Moriah takes a deep breath, "And you are extremely rude towards her friends …making unkind insinuations in reference to me, also a child of God. Why would a loving God allow you to talk that way to me? And you also ask how I can consider life fair? With all the things that were done to my people, the worst is ---after having endured and overcome so much inequality ---having to stand before the likes of people like you who still feel obliged to remind me that I haven't quite achieved equal status in your eyes. So, enlighten me, please! What is a person like me, a black girl, supposed to think of all the horrible past injustices …including that entire legacy of slavery? Who's responsible for treating my people that way? And who's responsible for continuing all this sophisticated ignorance? Could it be your people? As I see it, if God had punished your forefathers, then there wouldn't have been anyone to have conceived you. So, I stand here today, with the answer to why God allows bad things to happen. I stand here in love, still keeping my commitment to pray for you ...not asking my God to eliminate you and the trouble you bring, but to forgive you and your forefathers."
The room falls silent. Rodney and Clarence had been listening also. Moriah feels she has to add one more thing, "If you believe in God, then you believe in Heaven and eternity. And you losing your foot is less of a deal in view of eternity, than me stubbing my toe in this life. You'll get over it! There is no pain and suffering in eternity with God. And I'm sure the pain and suffering from losing your foot will be way less than the pain and suffering you've incurred upon others with that attitude of yours."
Moriah's eyes still remain locked on Richard's eyes, "No pain and no suffering for eternity in Heaven sounds great ---for me, my forefathers, my people. How are we considered to be God's children or not God's children? We are adopted. God wants to adopt us all. But the way it is with adoption is …you can't be adopted if you refuse to be adopted."
Merrie invites Shannon to speak, "Shannon was adopted by her Dad. How did that process come about, Shannon?"
Shannon does not know what to say to all these other questions, but the adoption process was a simple one, "First of all, Dad wanted to adopt me. Then I had to talk to a caseworker to let her know, and convince her that I wanted to be adopted. She made it clear that no one was going to force me. It was only going to happen if I wanted it to happen."
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Clarence and Rodney don't consider it intrusive to enter into the conversation. Clarence has the thicker walls built up. He was still living at home when his mom had fully embraced this Essence concept. He'd heard it all before and considers it too cliché, "There are so many religions and so many beliefs in God ...how can anybody be so bold, to insist that their God is the only true God? Isn't that rather arrogant?"
Merrie hadn't wanted to chance making the wall between her brother and her any thicker. That's not what is meant by saying she and her brother are thick. She knows it's not her place to speak. She can feel the Holy Spirit directing Moriah …not her. But she can't contain herself. She answers Clarence, "I'm not accusing you, Clarence. I have to admit, it happened to me many times in my youth. But I have to ask …have you ever been caught in a lie?"
Rodney laughs, "Be careful now, Clarence. It's a trick. If you say no, you'll be lying."
Clarence is the one who's confined to the bed ---he's not finding as much humor as his brother, "Of course, you know I've told many lies before. So what!"
Merrie eases up, "No big deal, we've all been there. I just wanted us all to think back ---to recall what it felt like. Why did we get caught?"
Clarence does not like to be engaged in these types of conversation, "Because we weren't telling the truth. Either our parents were smart or we were dumb. I don't know which ...either one will do. I don't really care!"
Gertie jumps in, "Well then, you shouldn't have butted into their conversation. You asked the question, now knock off the rudeness and let her answer the question you asked."
Merrie smiles at Gertie, "Sometimes we try to tell small lies or half truths, however you choose to look at it, but the absolute truth always stands the test. Any lie has the potential to, somehow, somewhere, and sometime or another to reveal itself. If you really wanted to tell a lie, and get away with it, the best chance you'd have of deceiving others would be if you wrote down the lie and refused each time to answer to it, unless referring back to the written statement itself. But actually, that's the best way to tell the truth also ---because we often forget the truth. The difference I see between the two is that the lie is usually made up to look as good as possible, especially if you have ample time to construct it. On the other hand, the truth is not confined to standards of either good or bad ---it's simply the truth. My point is, if I were trying to compete with all the other religions, claiming to be the one and only true one ---I wouldn't be telling a story that made the followers of my religion look so bad."
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Merrie hadn't said what her religion was, but the way she was focused, you could tell much was yet to be said, "If I were going to be arrogant, as you say, I would pick a religion that centers upon …Metamora, Michigan. And the true believers would be gathered together in my community. I'd not be concerned whether my religion outlived me because it would only benefit me during my lifetime. Beyond that, it would be of no use to me. So I could claim as much exclusiveness as I could, and use it to deceive and exploit others to fulfill my needs."
Richard asks, "Is that what you're all about? Exploiting or being exploited? I wouldn't trust that walled community. It might be an investment scam."
Merrie is upset that her brother had implied that the walled community may be an investment scam. The thought that crosses her mind is for him to hop on over to check it out for himself …as soon as he got out of the hospital. But she refrains from speaking the words she knows are not from God. It is a real spiritual battle any time she talks with her brother. And she wants to be certain not to drop her armor.
Merrie uses Richard's insinuation to further her point, "If it's a scam, and I, the author of it, I would want to further my investment. And if religion is the focus of furthering my economic exploitations, I would be deeply concerned with the growth of my religion. My focus would be to gather as many believers as I can. I would promote only that which is popular. But, first of all, I would probably consider eliminating the righteousness of God, and focus only on God's loving character. I could eliminate Heaven and Hell. Or maybe I could keep Heaven, maybe just group it together and call it an afterlife. But the concept of Hell would have to go. It sort of sounds like a political campaign, doesn't it? Eliminating the unpopular issues and focusing only on what will grant us re-election. But, of course, we'd keep the notion of an elect. Always good to be able to strive to achieve high ideals or an elite position by furthering the cause by our own great sacrifices or great works. Or I'd have great claims, self-ordained, bringing glory not only to my religion, but also establishing my own glory. But as we are truly a world economy now, our political campaign would bring an international scope ---and our spiritual growth could not afford to lag behind …as it would pose a threat to our international scope, economically and politically. To offend would only cause tension and division. So we'd strive for unity. And I'm sorry, Gertie, but that's what this Essence movement is doing, as it sweeps our nation. It's trying to gather together all the religions, to allow each to lay claim to part of the truth, each religion being a piece of a large picture ---called the Essence."
Merrie knows she has just offended the beliefs that Gertie holds true to, but she can't help it. They aren't true!
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Merrie can't help keeping Shannon out of the picture, "I'm sorry, Gertie, but this Cindy Bauer who you think is so great ---that you say, you just love ---is Shannon's Mom. And she did not have any agreement with this Essence development. She would stand as bold as I, insisting that our faith, hers and mine, Moriah's and Shannon's, has the One and only true God. Now, I'm not arrogantly stating that my religion is the only true religion. It's not my religion. It's the religion of the forefathers of the Jewish people. Now, why in the world, would I want to choose their history as the foundation of my faith? It's not a pretty picture …it's still a mess over there. And if you've studied the various faiths, like I have, you'd see that in the writings of their own forefathers can be found the foretelling of that which many of them still deny. Now, why would I look to a people who hold to writings that prove to be their own contradiction? Why would I be drawn towards such humiliation?"
Richard sighs sarcastically, "You've got me on that one. I've always wondered why."
Merrie looks into her brother's eyes, "I'm drawn to such humiliation because it's the truth. It's the only thing that makes sense. As a sheep to the slaughter, in humiliation, Jesus suffered and died. All in the Name of love."
Merrie cries. She had made a point to never cry in front of her brother. She always felt a Christian should be strong in their convictions. But this time it somehow seems okay to cry. More importantly, it seems right. Her weakness is her strength.
Richard is still focused on tomorrow's event, the surgery to remove his foot, "Well, I feel like I'm going to suffer my share of humility. But I certainly don't feel any love from a God that you say loves me."
Merrie is still wiping her tears.
Richard proceeds to reason this one out for himself, "But I guess it's because of the choices I've made in life. I didn't take care of myself and now I'm suffering the consequences. You make it sound like we're sitting down in a restaurant, ready to order, and I order up more evil than good, so I'm served up a huge platter of it. But you act like I can ask to see the menu again if I don't like what I ordered."
Merrie wants to tell him that he has a deadly case of food poisoning and Jesus is the only antidote. But her brother doesn't respond well to analogies, and she is still too choked up to say anything anyway. She nods as Gertie and Rodney leave, Gertie extending the pleasantries of how much of a pleasure it was to meet them.
Richard's agitation seems to have reached its peak, but Moriah has another approach in mind, "On the way to the hospital, your sister told me how fond you are of your daughter, Kalie. When your children were growing up, you wanted the best for them, right?"
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Richard seems to soften a bit, "I gave them knowledge, so they could function adequately. And I taught them right from wrong. But mostly, I taught them that I love them."
Moriah smiles, "That's truly wonderful ---and so simple to do. It's amazing how many people fail to do that. You liked being a daddy, didn't you? You loved your children and wanted the best for them."
Moriah knew he was still wondering where Kalie was ---why she hadn't arrived yet. "And what about your daughter. Dads don't have an easy time letting go. Did your daughter ever marry?"
Richard looks straight into Moriah's eyes for the first time. He sees her soft dark eyes and acknowledges for the first time that this young girl may, after all, have some understanding, "Yes, she did get married. I always feared that she'd marry someone who wouldn't treat her right."
Moriah adds, "No one could love her like you do."
Richard firmly states, "And I was right too! But she didn't listen ---and now she's divorced. Followed in my footsteps on that one too."
Moriah shows great concern in her voice, "Why didn't she listen?"
Richard talks to Moriah on an equal level, "You know how it is ...the world is a complex place. Kids venture out because they feel times have changed ---they feel they know better than their parents."
Moriah's loving voice sums it up, "The world isn't so complex that we can't even see who really loves us. That should be so simple to see."
Richard agrees, "It should be!"
Moriah waits for his eyes to meet hers, "Then why can't you see that God loves you?"
Moriah sees that Richard has softened a bit ...actually, a lot from when they first arrived. But she wouldn't be able to see what effect their concluding comments would have because at that moment Kalie enters the room. And to add to the concern, she is shaking, visibly chilled.
Richard asks, "Are you okay, Kalie?"
Kalie sits on the end of his bed and takes the extra blanket, draping it over her shoulders, "I'll be okay. It's freezing out there! But I'll warm up in a couple minutes."
Richard is still confused, "Did you have trouble?"
Kalie admits, "I went in the ditch a mile and a half down the road. Everyone was going slow, except this one guy. He went into a skid, trying to pass me. I tried to avoid getting hit and ended up in the ditch."
Richard expresses agitation, "And the guy didn't have the courtesy to stop and help you! If I knew who did that, they'd have to adjust their plans for me tomorrow. They'd have to surgically remove my foot from him."
Kalie smiles, "I already had words with him."
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In one sort of way, each views the world outside the walls as a mission field, of sorts. Yes, now they can increase their support to missions throughout the world, but it's not just how they spend their money, but more importantly ---their time. All activity was never meant to be confined to solely within the community. The message is not to build walls, but to minister outside the walls. The message of salvation is to be of utmost importance and should be the foremost focus in our lives ...firstly to our children, as a living example, then to others. Pastor Paul had emphasized that point.
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The first chance to put their renewed commitment into action comes as Merrie Isaac's brother takes ill. Richard Castor is a diabetic, and he doesn't take very good care of himself. Now he has to lose his foot. He is angry, but he isn't angry at God …because he doesn't really believe in God. But you can tell he wants to be angry at someone. He wants to blame someone. He feels life is unfair. But he isn't about to blame himself. Maybe he can believe in God for a short time …just long enough to blame Him.
Of course, he knows that's absurd! So his bitterness is directed at his sister, Merrie. "So why would your loving God allow this to happen to me?"
He is scheduled to have his foot removed tomorrow. Merrie wants to tell him it is his own fault for having neglected himself, but what she really wants to focus on is not his neglect of himself, but of his relationship towards God. Merrie knows that at the root of it all, he isn't angry. He is really sad and hurt. But he is also stubborn …real stubborn. And that turns his hurt into anger. He is like a dog, hit by a car. That's how this news about his foot has hit him. And like some injured animal, he won't let anyone get close enough to help the hurt.
Merrie feels it's best that she not be the one to talk to him. It seems like one of the biggest contradictions in this life ---that you hurt most those whom you love the most. But even worse, is to turn against the One who loves you the very most ---our loving God. That brings back the initial question ...the question he had asked her just the other day. Why would a loving God allow this to happen?
Merrie loves to cook. Shannon and Moriah had helped her prepare and serve the noon meal at the walled community. Meals were sent to those not feeling well and Fernye was one of those not feeling well. So that dashed Merrie's hopes that Fernye would be able to join them at the hospital. Fernye would've known what to say…having the most experience in talking about God. But that would have to be another day. She said she'd be okay in a day or two, and sent the three of them along with a word of encouragement.
Moriah's parents are at a mission conference, giving Cindy the rights of permission. Cindy has reason enough not to venture out on such a cold day, with Leah, Josiah, and Samuel. But she grants permission for Shannon and Moriah to go, as long as they're careful.
Shannon and Moriah smile at each other. They aren't going to be the ones driving. But parents are like that sometimes …asking you to be careful covers a lot of things.
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Cindy prays, realizing they are really in God's care. It would appear to be too early in the autumn for snow to fall, but those are actual flakes out there. The weather does, whether anyone likes it or not. After all, this is Michigan! The roads are icy, but Merrie is a good driver. And she realizes she has extra special cargo.
Upon reaching the hospital room, Richard isn't there. Merrie assumes that they moved him to another room. She checks with the nursing station, "Richard Castor? He just went for some tests. He'll be back shortly."
They return to the room to wait. It is a double room. A young gentleman is in the next bed, his eyes shut. An elderly lady, assumedly his mom, is in a chair beside his bed, holding his hand …her eyes, also shut. The elderly lady could be presumed to be praying, or presumed to have been praying, her present status now interrupted by loud abrupt snores. It does seem like a good idea, to pray, minus the snoring. Merrie, Moriah, and Shannon circle around Richard's empty bed to quietly pray for him …to pray for what they will say to him.
Merrie holds hands with Shannon and Moriah. Eyes shut, she quietly begins to pray.
But no sooner does she begin, the young man blurts out, "Don't waste your time! I don't believe in God!"
It startles Merrie and she stops praying. They look over at the young man in the adjacent bed. You can tell by the embarrassed look on both of their faces.
The elderly lady verifies it, "I'm sorry, my son doesn't believe in God. No disrespect, I'm sure he just thought it was me praying."
She turns to her son, "Now apologize to them, Clarence."
Clarence is embarrassed, but more prideful than repentant, "I don't need to apologize to them. This is a hospital and I can do any sick thing I want."
Clarence's mom gets up from her chair to extend a hand to Merrie, "By the way, my name's Gertie."
Merrie introduces herself, Shannon, and Moriah ---before Gertie continues, "These youngsters don't realize what spiritual battles rage on around us. You two are probably too young to have remembered that great debate that took place ten years ago, but they've aired it several times over the years …in fact, just recently. When was it? Last weekend …that's when I saw it. Did you happen to see it? Cindy Bauer against that Leonard Ennul Awol."
Merrie politely corrects the pronunciation, "Leonard, ---Ilam Ewald."
Gertie makes clear her interest, "That Cindy Bauer is great. I just love to hear her talk!"
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Shannon wants to proudly say, "That's my Mom!"; but she can't quite bring herself to. She had joined the community in watching the airing of the debate and how the show was handled. Afterwards, the interviews they did with select people, showed how distorted it had all become. And Gertie sounds just like one of these people.
Gertie expresses her unquestioned beliefs, "A society that doesn't believe, has no purpose. We must unite in the spirit of the Essence."
Gertie's words were almost precisely the words of one lady they had interviewed on television, after the airing of the debate. Shannon recalls Fernye's comments about the lady's comments, "That's blasphemy against the Holy Spirit!"
Shannon had felt hurt by the way the television program had distorted the truth. But now, that hurt is magnified.
Gertie summarizes, "It's the Essence that we all share. The common spirit. That's the true beauty that came out of the debate."
Richard Castor returns to the room at this time. At about the same time, a young man joins Gertie and her son. Gertie politely acknowledges, "This is my oldest son, Rodney."
Richard greets his own sister and politely nods as Shannon and Moriah are introduced. But his interest is shown elsewhere, "I'm expecting my daughter, Kalie. She said she'd be up here today. Are the roads slippery?"
Merrie doesn't want to worry her brother. She knows how concerned he gets over his daughter. But she also believes in being honest, "The roads are rather slippery in spots. I couldn't help from skidding a couple times. But if you drive slow, the roads are manageable."
It is obvious that Richard and Rodney had met before. Some men seem to create an instant bond of respect for each other. Or perhaps it is more accurately, a common disrespect for women.
Richard only held exception for his daughter. His sister, he treated like every other woman, "My sister isn't an experienced driver. How did you find the roads, Rodney?"
Rodney smiles, "I just looked out the windshield and there they were."
But before he could say more, and the men could draw alliance, Gertie jumps to Merrie's defense, "Don't ask Rodney. When it comes to speeding, none is a greater offender. Offender of the fender. I wouldn't be surprised if my son didn't run everyone off the road."
This definitely wasn't beginning like the encouraging visit they had prayed for. And Merrie cringes at Gertie's comments.
Richard would be worried enough about his daughter. Now he'd be thinking about nothing else. As concerned as he is, thinking about his daughter, Richard is able to vent some frustration. To everyone's surprise, Richard poises his question to Moriah, "Being a black girl, do you think life is fair?"
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Moriah is all too familiar with hearing ignorant statements. She'd already heard the disrespectful comment he made to his sister. And disrespect and ignorance go hand-in-hand, along with biases, prejudices, sometimes disdain. Richard's question actually has two parts to it ---the black person part, and the part about life in general.
Moriah is prepared to answer both, but she isn't going to make it that easy for him, "What do you mean by that?"
Richard would not accept the fact that his question may be a little out-of-line, "You know what I mean. For years, your people have had to fight to even be thought of as human beings. You look to be well-educated enough. Whether you get it from your daddy and your mommy, or through the history books, you must have been told of some of the horrible abuses of slavery. And with every right that you've fought for and think you've gained, your people have still not escaped the bondage. You continue to do it to yourself, your own race. Your race has the highest percent of child abuse, wife beatings, rape, murder -----."
Merrie is totally embarrassed. She knows her brother is making this up, or got it from some of his ignorant friends. Richard's main appetite for reading is comic books.
Moriah wonders whether Richard is a white supremist. Or is he just a bitter bigot, unable to accept that Obama is President?
Merrie had briefed Moriah on some of the details about her brother, but not this extensively. He certainly is bitter. And you can see why. Tomorrow he's scheduled for surgery to cut off his foot, then they'll have to surgically remove the other one from his mouth. The thought crosses her mind, but she isn't going to say it …better to maintain focus on why she's really here. Her brother is going to have his foot removed, but more importantly, what needs to be removed is the wall that stands between God and him. That's why he's bitter. That is why he doesn't think life is fair. And that's why he's challenging, though he hasn't mentioned it yet today, why a loving God would allow this to happen.
Moriah addresses his reference to her being black, "So, you think that because I'm a black girl, I have reason to think life hasn't been fair? Let me ask you this? Do you believe in God?"
Richard always anticipates this will soon become part of the conversation with Merrie, or any of her friends, "If I ever considered whether there might be a God, I'm farthest from that belief right now. If there is a loving God, I can't believe this would be happening to me. I don't know anyone that prays more than my sister and I don't know anyone my sister prays for more than me, so why would her loving God ignore all her fervent requests?"
Moriah looks deep into Richard's eyes, "So, basically you're asking why a loving God would let bad things happen. Would you say you're more protective of your daughter than you are, let's say, your sister?"
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Richard hesitates to answer. He believes his daughter can do no wrong in his eyes, yet, he is constantly criticizing his sister.
Moriah lets the thought quickly build by placing the next thought, "I'd gather to say from this short visit, that you are way more protective of Kalie, your precious child, than you are of anyone else. Well, Merrie and I are God's precious children. And you ask why would God allow bad things to happen? Yes, why would God allow you to criticize your sister, His child, about her driving or any other thing you choose to complain about?"
Moriah takes a deep breath, "And you are extremely rude towards her friends …making unkind insinuations in reference to me, also a child of God. Why would a loving God allow you to talk that way to me? And you also ask how I can consider life fair? With all the things that were done to my people, the worst is ---after having endured and overcome so much inequality ---having to stand before the likes of people like you who still feel obliged to remind me that I haven't quite achieved equal status in your eyes. So, enlighten me, please! What is a person like me, a black girl, supposed to think of all the horrible past injustices …including that entire legacy of slavery? Who's responsible for treating my people that way? And who's responsible for continuing all this sophisticated ignorance? Could it be your people? As I see it, if God had punished your forefathers, then there wouldn't have been anyone to have conceived you. So, I stand here today, with the answer to why God allows bad things to happen. I stand here in love, still keeping my commitment to pray for you ...not asking my God to eliminate you and the trouble you bring, but to forgive you and your forefathers."
The room falls silent. Rodney and Clarence had been listening also. Moriah feels she has to add one more thing, "If you believe in God, then you believe in Heaven and eternity. And you losing your foot is less of a deal in view of eternity, than me stubbing my toe in this life. You'll get over it! There is no pain and suffering in eternity with God. And I'm sure the pain and suffering from losing your foot will be way less than the pain and suffering you've incurred upon others with that attitude of yours."
Moriah's eyes still remain locked on Richard's eyes, "No pain and no suffering for eternity in Heaven sounds great ---for me, my forefathers, my people. How are we considered to be God's children or not God's children? We are adopted. God wants to adopt us all. But the way it is with adoption is …you can't be adopted if you refuse to be adopted."
Merrie invites Shannon to speak, "Shannon was adopted by her Dad. How did that process come about, Shannon?"
Shannon does not know what to say to all these other questions, but the adoption process was a simple one, "First of all, Dad wanted to adopt me. Then I had to talk to a caseworker to let her know, and convince her that I wanted to be adopted. She made it clear that no one was going to force me. It was only going to happen if I wanted it to happen."
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Clarence and Rodney don't consider it intrusive to enter into the conversation. Clarence has the thicker walls built up. He was still living at home when his mom had fully embraced this Essence concept. He'd heard it all before and considers it too cliché, "There are so many religions and so many beliefs in God ...how can anybody be so bold, to insist that their God is the only true God? Isn't that rather arrogant?"
Merrie hadn't wanted to chance making the wall between her brother and her any thicker. That's not what is meant by saying she and her brother are thick. She knows it's not her place to speak. She can feel the Holy Spirit directing Moriah …not her. But she can't contain herself. She answers Clarence, "I'm not accusing you, Clarence. I have to admit, it happened to me many times in my youth. But I have to ask …have you ever been caught in a lie?"
Rodney laughs, "Be careful now, Clarence. It's a trick. If you say no, you'll be lying."
Clarence is the one who's confined to the bed ---he's not finding as much humor as his brother, "Of course, you know I've told many lies before. So what!"
Merrie eases up, "No big deal, we've all been there. I just wanted us all to think back ---to recall what it felt like. Why did we get caught?"
Clarence does not like to be engaged in these types of conversation, "Because we weren't telling the truth. Either our parents were smart or we were dumb. I don't know which ...either one will do. I don't really care!"
Gertie jumps in, "Well then, you shouldn't have butted into their conversation. You asked the question, now knock off the rudeness and let her answer the question you asked."
Merrie smiles at Gertie, "Sometimes we try to tell small lies or half truths, however you choose to look at it, but the absolute truth always stands the test. Any lie has the potential to, somehow, somewhere, and sometime or another to reveal itself. If you really wanted to tell a lie, and get away with it, the best chance you'd have of deceiving others would be if you wrote down the lie and refused each time to answer to it, unless referring back to the written statement itself. But actually, that's the best way to tell the truth also ---because we often forget the truth. The difference I see between the two is that the lie is usually made up to look as good as possible, especially if you have ample time to construct it. On the other hand, the truth is not confined to standards of either good or bad ---it's simply the truth. My point is, if I were trying to compete with all the other religions, claiming to be the one and only true one ---I wouldn't be telling a story that made the followers of my religion look so bad."
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Merrie hadn't said what her religion was, but the way she was focused, you could tell much was yet to be said, "If I were going to be arrogant, as you say, I would pick a religion that centers upon …Metamora, Michigan. And the true believers would be gathered together in my community. I'd not be concerned whether my religion outlived me because it would only benefit me during my lifetime. Beyond that, it would be of no use to me. So I could claim as much exclusiveness as I could, and use it to deceive and exploit others to fulfill my needs."
Richard asks, "Is that what you're all about? Exploiting or being exploited? I wouldn't trust that walled community. It might be an investment scam."
Merrie is upset that her brother had implied that the walled community may be an investment scam. The thought that crosses her mind is for him to hop on over to check it out for himself …as soon as he got out of the hospital. But she refrains from speaking the words she knows are not from God. It is a real spiritual battle any time she talks with her brother. And she wants to be certain not to drop her armor.
Merrie uses Richard's insinuation to further her point, "If it's a scam, and I, the author of it, I would want to further my investment. And if religion is the focus of furthering my economic exploitations, I would be deeply concerned with the growth of my religion. My focus would be to gather as many believers as I can. I would promote only that which is popular. But, first of all, I would probably consider eliminating the righteousness of God, and focus only on God's loving character. I could eliminate Heaven and Hell. Or maybe I could keep Heaven, maybe just group it together and call it an afterlife. But the concept of Hell would have to go. It sort of sounds like a political campaign, doesn't it? Eliminating the unpopular issues and focusing only on what will grant us re-election. But, of course, we'd keep the notion of an elect. Always good to be able to strive to achieve high ideals or an elite position by furthering the cause by our own great sacrifices or great works. Or I'd have great claims, self-ordained, bringing glory not only to my religion, but also establishing my own glory. But as we are truly a world economy now, our political campaign would bring an international scope ---and our spiritual growth could not afford to lag behind …as it would pose a threat to our international scope, economically and politically. To offend would only cause tension and division. So we'd strive for unity. And I'm sorry, Gertie, but that's what this Essence movement is doing, as it sweeps our nation. It's trying to gather together all the religions, to allow each to lay claim to part of the truth, each religion being a piece of a large picture ---called the Essence."
Merrie knows she has just offended the beliefs that Gertie holds true to, but she can't help it. They aren't true!
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Merrie can't help keeping Shannon out of the picture, "I'm sorry, Gertie, but this Cindy Bauer who you think is so great ---that you say, you just love ---is Shannon's Mom. And she did not have any agreement with this Essence development. She would stand as bold as I, insisting that our faith, hers and mine, Moriah's and Shannon's, has the One and only true God. Now, I'm not arrogantly stating that my religion is the only true religion. It's not my religion. It's the religion of the forefathers of the Jewish people. Now, why in the world, would I want to choose their history as the foundation of my faith? It's not a pretty picture …it's still a mess over there. And if you've studied the various faiths, like I have, you'd see that in the writings of their own forefathers can be found the foretelling of that which many of them still deny. Now, why would I look to a people who hold to writings that prove to be their own contradiction? Why would I be drawn towards such humiliation?"
Richard sighs sarcastically, "You've got me on that one. I've always wondered why."
Merrie looks into her brother's eyes, "I'm drawn to such humiliation because it's the truth. It's the only thing that makes sense. As a sheep to the slaughter, in humiliation, Jesus suffered and died. All in the Name of love."
Merrie cries. She had made a point to never cry in front of her brother. She always felt a Christian should be strong in their convictions. But this time it somehow seems okay to cry. More importantly, it seems right. Her weakness is her strength.
Richard is still focused on tomorrow's event, the surgery to remove his foot, "Well, I feel like I'm going to suffer my share of humility. But I certainly don't feel any love from a God that you say loves me."
Merrie is still wiping her tears.
Richard proceeds to reason this one out for himself, "But I guess it's because of the choices I've made in life. I didn't take care of myself and now I'm suffering the consequences. You make it sound like we're sitting down in a restaurant, ready to order, and I order up more evil than good, so I'm served up a huge platter of it. But you act like I can ask to see the menu again if I don't like what I ordered."
Merrie wants to tell him that he has a deadly case of food poisoning and Jesus is the only antidote. But her brother doesn't respond well to analogies, and she is still too choked up to say anything anyway. She nods as Gertie and Rodney leave, Gertie extending the pleasantries of how much of a pleasure it was to meet them.
Richard's agitation seems to have reached its peak, but Moriah has another approach in mind, "On the way to the hospital, your sister told me how fond you are of your daughter, Kalie. When your children were growing up, you wanted the best for them, right?"
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Richard seems to soften a bit, "I gave them knowledge, so they could function adequately. And I taught them right from wrong. But mostly, I taught them that I love them."
Moriah smiles, "That's truly wonderful ---and so simple to do. It's amazing how many people fail to do that. You liked being a daddy, didn't you? You loved your children and wanted the best for them."
Moriah knew he was still wondering where Kalie was ---why she hadn't arrived yet. "And what about your daughter. Dads don't have an easy time letting go. Did your daughter ever marry?"
Richard looks straight into Moriah's eyes for the first time. He sees her soft dark eyes and acknowledges for the first time that this young girl may, after all, have some understanding, "Yes, she did get married. I always feared that she'd marry someone who wouldn't treat her right."
Moriah adds, "No one could love her like you do."
Richard firmly states, "And I was right too! But she didn't listen ---and now she's divorced. Followed in my footsteps on that one too."
Moriah shows great concern in her voice, "Why didn't she listen?"
Richard talks to Moriah on an equal level, "You know how it is ...the world is a complex place. Kids venture out because they feel times have changed ---they feel they know better than their parents."
Moriah's loving voice sums it up, "The world isn't so complex that we can't even see who really loves us. That should be so simple to see."
Richard agrees, "It should be!"
Moriah waits for his eyes to meet hers, "Then why can't you see that God loves you?"
Moriah sees that Richard has softened a bit ...actually, a lot from when they first arrived. But she wouldn't be able to see what effect their concluding comments would have because at that moment Kalie enters the room. And to add to the concern, she is shaking, visibly chilled.
Richard asks, "Are you okay, Kalie?"
Kalie sits on the end of his bed and takes the extra blanket, draping it over her shoulders, "I'll be okay. It's freezing out there! But I'll warm up in a couple minutes."
Richard is still confused, "Did you have trouble?"
Kalie admits, "I went in the ditch a mile and a half down the road. Everyone was going slow, except this one guy. He went into a skid, trying to pass me. I tried to avoid getting hit and ended up in the ditch."
Richard expresses agitation, "And the guy didn't have the courtesy to stop and help you! If I knew who did that, they'd have to adjust their plans for me tomorrow. They'd have to surgically remove my foot from him."
Kalie smiles, "I already had words with him."
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Richard looks confused, "I thought you said he didn't stop, he kept on going?"
Kalie continues to smile, "He did ...but it so happens that the same guy was leaving this hospital when I came in."
Richard looks into his daughter's soft eyes, "What did you say to him?"
Kalie almost laughs, "Well, what do you think I said to him? I gave him a pamphlet about the Roman road and told him to drive safe. The way he drives, he may not live long, so I wanted him to know how much God loves him."
Richard is prepared to listen, "What is the Roman road?"
Kalie had recently just found out herself, "Here, I believe I have an extra pamphlet with me. Let me show you."
XXIV
Once again, Pastor Paul's sermon draws some unique parallels. It so happens that Pastor Paul had also been on his way to visit someone in the hospital, but had been delayed because he stopped to help someone out of the ditch, "It's like driving on icy roads. You see the icy conditions, but you don't slow down. When you see half a dozen vehicles in the ditch, maybe you slow down a bit. Then you come to a terrible accident. You have to slow down because of the gawkers. But then the traffic begins to pick up. You increase your speed also. Past reminders are left behind. Suddenly, a different sort of reminder comes into view …it's a police car. But when the police car is out of view, your speed picks up again. Sin is like an icy road. You can ignore it until you face the ditch consequences. Or maybe an Officer of the Lord, reminds you and holds you accountable. But some of you don't like authority. You continue to choose to ignore it. But, I ask you, does ignoring it change the truth? The point I'm trying to drive home here is, maybe you are like the young man, Rodney, who I helped out of the ditch. Maybe you've heard it too much and are sick of people like me talking about it. But I'd stop going on and on, exhausting you with examples, if you would just slow down and look at the simple truth."
The simple truth for some is actually the more difficult truth. Cindy contemplates this as she walks the cemetery paths. So many lives and so many paths.
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Cindy is seldom alone. She does not speak, nor do any of the others. Certain things are commonly understood. Each respects the others' right to grieve privately. There are many times she wishes to share, but she doesn't. She sits on the ground between the two headstones, her head in her hands.
Her husband and his mom, parent and child, a common theme between a gathering of plots. But the story does not simply contain a common plot. Their common ground is Heaven bound. A peaceful fact, yes. A beautiful reunion that will be!
But, the union that was severed in this life, is the difficult one to cope with. Yes, Cindy feels she is coping well with Stephen's passing, but oh, how she misses him!
Her thoughts drift. So many don't visit here. For some, their life is not affected by any one person, but rather by the simple fact that this place exists.
George Olitz comes to mind. He is an individual who is respected by most all who cross his path. But who really knows him? Who really knows how things affect him? Rebekkah seems to have known him for most of their years here on earth, yet even she has not been able to quite figure him out. He hadn't really appeared to be that close to Ruth. He appeared to be real close friends with Rebekkah, but he only really knew Ruth through that common friendship. Yet, when Ruth died, George seemed to be affected more than anyone. He began spending extensive time away. Others spent much time outside the walled community also, but the others were more of a Christian outreach ...and would go out together. George would go out alone.
She feels that perhaps she understands George a bit more now. Just like she is here, George also obviously has his places to cope. And the deepest feelings we often have ...are while being alone.
George and Stan were usually inseparable, but Stan wouldn't even go along with him lately. Stan had offered to, but George had insisted it was something he had to work out on his own. Stan had no problem with that. He had adjusted well within the walled community. Everyone loved Stan, and like everyone within the community, they accepted him as family. Stan did much to help around the community.
Meanwhile, George was extending his time and effort towards volunteer work at a nursing home in Saginaw. Cindy recalls Rebekkah talking about one other time that George had dedicated a good portion of his life towards volunteer work. It was when she was going through extensive rehabilitation. He had volunteered his help at that time. And he was there for her …through the entire lengthy process of healing, all the way to recovery.
George always said that it was way more gratifying to be able to help those who you know are probably going to survive. But this time he was volunteering with a group that did not fit that criteria at all. The nursing home he was presently volunteering at, housed a population of the elderly that most could not claim much hope for. And most of them also suffered from mental illnesses.
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Maybe that's why George chose to work with this group. Perhaps he was trying to instill some hope in a facility that appeared to have little, or none. The staff who worked there appeared to be less than helpful. They were the ones who were paid to provide care, yet they appeared to be the major source of agitation among the patients. The staff seemed void of any patience with their patients.
This was especially true with one little old lady who continued to wander away from the facility. The staff simply appeared agitated by her behavior. But George verbalized his concern for the safety of the little old lady. He insisted that they pay heed to his concerns. He stressed how dangerous it could be for the little old lady. And he insisted he would find a solution.
Like most mentally ill patients, if you showed any attention, they would lay claim to it. She told the other mentally ill patients that George was her husband. George blushed a little, but just smiled. The staff assured him that they were used to hearing that sort of thing. The little old lady continued to look at her watch, as if she had to be somewhere and was desperate to be on-time. Then one day, she dropped her watch and accidentally stepped on it. George decided, at that moment, to get her a new watch. The new watch was devised to sound an alarm at the nursing station if she happened to leave the building. And beyond that, the watch had the capability to track her down. Many people were using a similar device for their pets. If their pet wandered off, they were able to track them. George felt that people were significantly more important than pets. He was thankful that she didn't refer to him as her pet. Though she continued to tell everyone that they were married and told them the watch was a gift from her husband.
Actually, Stan had come up with the idea of a watch. George had been devising a bracelet to achieve the same purpose, when Stan suggested, "That looks like one of those hospital I.D. bracelets. The patients hate those things. Why don't you make something that they'd want to wear? How about a fancy watch with gadgets on it? That would interest them more. When I was young, I used to like to play Dick Tracy."
George did not ask how someone his age knew about Dick Tracy. He was just thrilled with the idea Stan had come up with. George recalled how totally obsessed the little old lady had been with her old watch. She would love this new watch. Soon the little old lady passed away, and George's interest also seemed to pass. Stan half expected George to continue on with the watch idea and market it, but George seemed to forget about the watch idea for the time being. Perhaps it was too difficult for George to deal with emotionally ...and he needed to focus more on healthy individuals. It is often that people deeply care ...they just realize the emotional toll is more than they'd anticipated. George turned his attention back to the walled community, and made himself more available there. Stan was thankful for that.
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George appeared himself again. The general order of things seemed to be restored. Fernye seemed to understand, stating that every once in while we all just need to get away …to sort things out for ourselves, but then we return back to the ones who hold most significance in our lives. Rebekkah, in particular, voices her relief, thankful that George appears to be his "old self " again.
But, that's when the other incident happens!
For Fernye, it is no particular surprise. One third of the country suffers a blackout. Fernye recalls how a major blackout had occurred in 1965, 1977, and more recently, in 2003.
In the walled community, the lights flicker and go out for less than a minute before the emergency generators kick in. But most of the country does not have emergency generators.
Most of the children in the walled community gather round to listen to Fernye tell of it. Almost all had witnessed the 2003 blackout. The problem was supposed to have been fixed, to prevent a similar event from happening again, but here it is, happening again.
Fernye refreshes everyone's memory about the ice storm of 2003, and how it had been much worse than the blackout. But Fernye has a unique way of looking at both.
She mentions to the children how the power-grid was man's doing, but the ice storm was considered in everyone's mind, unquestionably, an act of God, though many didn't even believe in God. "Yet, for those who do believe in God, it always should be an immediate response to resort to prayer."
Fernye leads everyone in prayer.
Not everything in the walled community is self-sufficient. They are tapped into the water supply, just like the rest of Metamora. Metamora had a new system, and a new pumping station, but new still does not provide the perfect solution in situations like this. Everyone is asked to boil their water, or use bottled water. But there always seems to be occasion for someone to not receive the information that everyone is to receive. In some cases, the information is shared, but it does not register.
Claudia had just lost her mom. Ray, being the ideal husband, takes off work to be there for his wife. But neither is in the frame of mind to receive the information of the boiled water alert. Ray had used up all his time, so had to return to work the day after the funeral.
That's when little Aidin takes ill. Ray and Claudia had only one vehicle, and Ray had taken it to work. That may be a problem for some, but part of the design of the walled community was to compensate for potential problems such as these. This is what the walled community was best at ---being a community.
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A major purpose of the community was that there would never arise a moment where help could not be found. And among the first to volunteer their help were George and Stan. Together they would drive Claudia and little Aidin to the hospital.
George insists that he does not consider a vehicle for show, but for reliability. And he finds his Mercedes to be as reliable as they come. Of course, the comfort factor helps too. And he always enjoys his ride. Halfway to the hospital, the ride suddenly becomes not enjoyable. A man on a motorcycle is oblivious to the stoplight. He runs the light and smashes into George's Mercedes, totaling his motorbike.
George gets out of his Mercedes to approach the young man lying in the road, several feet from the heap of bent metal that was once his motorbike. The young man suddenly jumps up, takes off his helmet, and strikes George over the head with it.
Stan runs to George's side, George now lying in the spot where the motorcyclist had been lying. Meanwhile, the assaultive young man runs to George's Mercedes, pulls Claudia from the car, throws her to the ground, and takes off with the Mercedes.
The few bystanders just stand by. Claudia's ear-piercing screams add nothing to move them to action. They stare for a moment, as if viewing the violence on a TV screen, then they resume their regularly scheduled programs. They can't possibly assume it's not real …but what do they assume? How can they feel it's not their …how can they not feel?
Claudia's screams become almost mute, gasping for air, her breath taken away by her now silent scream. Her cry is reduced to whimpering sobs, almost child-like, "Oh, God! Please, God, ---please!"
Stan still stands over George. He retrieves a cell phone out of his pocket, "Please, I need an ambulance."
Suddenly, George rises up, grabbing the phone from Stan, startling him. He listens as George makes a different sort of call, "This is George Olitz. It's an emergency! How quick can you get here?"
George then calls another number, "Someone just stole my Mercedes. I need you to start tracking it."
The police officer arrives within three minutes. Stan recognizes the officer as a personal friend of George. George quickly ushers Claudia and Stan into the backseat of the squad car, before addressing the officer, "I called On-Star. They're tracking my car."
Rocky is not only an old friend, but the best there is on the police force. On-Star is doing their job. They have the location of the car and the direction it is heading. Rocky has a hunch where the car will turn next. He calls a fellow officer that he knows will be in that area. According to On-Star, it is a long dirt road.
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The fellow officer waits at the fork in the road, blocking the road to the right. The Mercedes speeds off to the left. That is the exact plan of the officer. The road to the left usually washes out when it rains. And it had just rained a bunch the night before.
Just a half mile down the road, the Mercedes gets a mud bath, unable to free itself from the muck. The officer radios back to Rocky that he had the guy in custody …but there is no little boy.
Claudia hears enough of the conversation from Rocky to realize her little Aidin was not found. She begins to panic all over again, but Stan calmly asks George for the cell phone.
Stan has a very important question for On-Star, "I need you to look at your print-out and check the location of the Mercedes at the different time intervals. Since Aidin was in the backseat, that maniac had to stop the car to get him out. I'm looking for an interval of significantly less distance."
Stan had the ability to think clearly in a stressful situation. It was clearly evident that not much distance was traveled during one interval. Stan didn't just see the convenience of having a service, such as On-Star, he actually had knowledge of how it worked and how to best use it. And Rocky soon knew where they had to quickly drive to. Rocky reports, "It's just around the corner. There's a bridge ..."
Rocky had communicated with the other officer. The man who stole George's car wouldn't even acknowledge that a little boy was in the car. Claudia cries out, "Why would he do that to my little Aidin!"
Rocky is used to this. He profiles the situation in his monotone voice, "Possibly, your child was screaming and it made him nervous, or he couldn't take it anymore. Or perhaps, he was thinking ahead that when he'd have to eventually stop for gas or something, the boy would be in the way, or possibly make a fuss and be more evident that something was wrong, drawing suspicion. It would be just easier to dump the child."
This is not easier on Claudia. This is not what Claudia wants to hear, especially as Rocky slows down, approaching the bridge.
Rocky sums it up, "Let's go about this calmly."
Claudia grabs for the door, but Rocky had already anticipated this. He had hit the automatic door lock, a fraction of a second before she tried the door.
Claudia cries out, "Is this the place!" She sees the fast moving current of the river and her thoughts intensify her panic state, "Let me out! My Aidin needs me!"
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Rocky states in his monotone voice, "The last thing he would need is for someone to think irrationally, out of emotion, to further endanger the situation. Most rafters fear this river, or at least respect it. Your little Aidin needs you. You have to promise me you'll not go near the river. Better yet, you stay in the patrol car. If we find Aidin, we'll bring him to you."
Claudia gasps, "Okay, I promise! Now promise you'll hurry!"
Rocky unlocks the door. Stan gets out, but Claudia stays seated within the patrol car as she'd promised.
George, Stan, and Rocky stand frozen in their tracks for a brief moment, as they collectively stare down at the cruel river and the life-threatening nature of the crisis before them.
Rocky whispers, "Don't say anything to Claudia. We need to work together, quickly. I'll get a rope from my squad car. You two stay put and wait for me."
Little Aidin's shirt is caught on a tree branch extending out over the river. You can barely hear his soft cries and whimpers.
Stan does not wait. He turns to George, "I can reach him. You stay here. I'll hand him up to you."
Stan quickly steps down the bank of the river and reaches out, grabbing little Aidin. With arms still extended, Stan extends a foot up the bank, handing little Aidin to George.
Rocky had retrieved a rope from the patrol car, now dropping it upon seeing the danger before him. He grabs the side of the bridge and extends a hand to Stan, but not in time. The riverbank provides unsafe footing for Stan, collapsing under his back foot. His forward foot cannot sustain his weight, or balance.
Stan desperately grasps for the branch that had saved Aidin. But the branch begins to crack as the lower half of his body has already slipped into the water, and the powerful river pulls against his feeble attempt to save himself.
Rocky is too professional to show any kind of emotion that may hint that he cares about anything other than the success of his own performance. He prides himself in the fact that he is never moved to irrational thought ....as the current sweeps Stan down the river.
But, he is a bit perturbed that his orders had not been followed. He again orders, "George, get in the car! A half mile down the river divides. We may be able to reach him there."
Rocky hollers aloud, obviously to himself, as George runs down the embankment and along the river, "Doesn't anyone know how to follow orders!"
Meanwhile, Claudia is thankful for the unprofessional and irrational, that has helped her little Aidin survive. She sits in the patrol car, comforting her son.
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By the time Rocky catches up with George, George has tied one end of the rope around a tree and the other end around his waist. Rocky is amazed to see Stan still holding onto the branch that had broken free. But even more amazing, Stan has the branch hooked onto another branch, extending out over the river.
Rocky is also amazed how a person George's age had moved so quickly, but his amazement doesn't rise above his demands, demanding respect for his authority, "George, stop! You'll both get killed!"
George is breathing heavily. He does not heed the warning. He leaps into the river, disappearing within the current.
Suddenly, the branch that Stan clings desperately to, breaks loose. The undercurrent now has nothing left to hinder it. Stan disappears from view.
Rocky cannot see either George or Stan. Only the taut rope is visible, as it cuts into the cruel current. Rocky does not have to be taught what to do next. He begins to pull the rope in.
The veins are visible in Rocky's neck. The fiber of his police uniform is stretched to the limit. Every muscle fiber in Rocky's body is straining to reel the rope in …that is still tied around George's waist.
Rocky finally sees George as he quickly pulls the rope to pull him ashore. But it is truly unbelievable! He also sees Stan firmly within George's grasp!
George appears to be unconscious, but he has an unbelievable grip around Stan's waist. George's fingers are locked together, holding Stan so tightly that Rocky finds it near impossible to loosen the grip.
Rocky's job is far from over. He calls for an ambulance, then begins CPR on George. Stan had evidently, held his breath. George had no breath left, having run down the riverbank as he had.
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XXV
Once again, Pastor Paul's sermon draws some unique parallels. It so happens that Pastor Paul had also been on his way to visit someone in the hospital, but had been delayed because he stopped to help someone out of the ditch, "It's like driving on icy roads. You see the icy conditions, but you don't slow down. When you see half a dozen vehicles in the ditch, maybe you slow down a bit. Then you come to a terrible accident. You have to slow down because of the gawkers. But then the traffic begins to pick up. You increase your speed also. Past reminders are left behind. Suddenly, a different sort of reminder comes into view …it's a police car. But when the police car is out of view, your speed picks up again. Sin is like an icy road. You can ignore it until you face the ditch consequences. Or maybe an Officer of the Lord, reminds you and holds you accountable. But some of you don't like authority. You continue to choose to ignore it. But, I ask you, does ignoring it change the truth? The point I'm trying to drive home here is, maybe you are like the young man, Rodney, who I helped out of the ditch. Maybe you've heard it too much and are sick of people like me talking about it. But I'd stop going on and on, exhausting you with examples, if you would just slow down and look at the simple truth."
The simple truth for some is actually the more difficult truth. Cindy contemplates this as she walks the cemetery paths. So many lives and so many paths.
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Cindy is seldom alone. She does not speak, nor do any of the others. Certain things are commonly understood. Each respects the others' right to grieve privately. There are many times she wishes to share, but she doesn't. She sits on the ground between the two headstones, her head in her hands.
Her husband and his mom, parent and child, a common theme between a gathering of plots. But the story does not simply contain a common plot. Their common ground is Heaven bound. A peaceful fact, yes. A beautiful reunion that will be!
But, the union that was severed in this life, is the difficult one to cope with. Yes, Cindy feels she is coping well with Stephen's passing, but oh, how she misses him!
Her thoughts drift. So many don't visit here. For some, their life is not affected by any one person, but rather by the simple fact that this place exists.
George Olitz comes to mind. He is an individual who is respected by most all who cross his path. But who really knows him? Who really knows how things affect him? Rebekkah seems to have known him for most of their years here on earth, yet even she has not been able to quite figure him out. He hadn't really appeared to be that close to Ruth. He appeared to be real close friends with Rebekkah, but he only really knew Ruth through that common friendship. Yet, when Ruth died, George seemed to be affected more than anyone. He began spending extensive time away. Others spent much time outside the walled community also, but the others were more of a Christian outreach ...and would go out together. George would go out alone.
She feels that perhaps she understands George a bit more now. Just like she is here, George also obviously has his places to cope. And the deepest feelings we often have ...are while being alone.
George and Stan were usually inseparable, but Stan wouldn't even go along with him lately. Stan had offered to, but George had insisted it was something he had to work out on his own. Stan had no problem with that. He had adjusted well within the walled community. Everyone loved Stan, and like everyone within the community, they accepted him as family. Stan did much to help around the community.
Meanwhile, George was extending his time and effort towards volunteer work at a nursing home in Saginaw. Cindy recalls Rebekkah talking about one other time that George had dedicated a good portion of his life towards volunteer work. It was when she was going through extensive rehabilitation. He had volunteered his help at that time. And he was there for her …through the entire lengthy process of healing, all the way to recovery.
George always said that it was way more gratifying to be able to help those who you know are probably going to survive. But this time he was volunteering with a group that did not fit that criteria at all. The nursing home he was presently volunteering at, housed a population of the elderly that most could not claim much hope for. And most of them also suffered from mental illnesses.
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Maybe that's why George chose to work with this group. Perhaps he was trying to instill some hope in a facility that appeared to have little, or none. The staff who worked there appeared to be less than helpful. They were the ones who were paid to provide care, yet they appeared to be the major source of agitation among the patients. The staff seemed void of any patience with their patients.
This was especially true with one little old lady who continued to wander away from the facility. The staff simply appeared agitated by her behavior. But George verbalized his concern for the safety of the little old lady. He insisted that they pay heed to his concerns. He stressed how dangerous it could be for the little old lady. And he insisted he would find a solution.
Like most mentally ill patients, if you showed any attention, they would lay claim to it. She told the other mentally ill patients that George was her husband. George blushed a little, but just smiled. The staff assured him that they were used to hearing that sort of thing. The little old lady continued to look at her watch, as if she had to be somewhere and was desperate to be on-time. Then one day, she dropped her watch and accidentally stepped on it. George decided, at that moment, to get her a new watch. The new watch was devised to sound an alarm at the nursing station if she happened to leave the building. And beyond that, the watch had the capability to track her down. Many people were using a similar device for their pets. If their pet wandered off, they were able to track them. George felt that people were significantly more important than pets. He was thankful that she didn't refer to him as her pet. Though she continued to tell everyone that they were married and told them the watch was a gift from her husband.
Actually, Stan had come up with the idea of a watch. George had been devising a bracelet to achieve the same purpose, when Stan suggested, "That looks like one of those hospital I.D. bracelets. The patients hate those things. Why don't you make something that they'd want to wear? How about a fancy watch with gadgets on it? That would interest them more. When I was young, I used to like to play Dick Tracy."
George did not ask how someone his age knew about Dick Tracy. He was just thrilled with the idea Stan had come up with. George recalled how totally obsessed the little old lady had been with her old watch. She would love this new watch. Soon the little old lady passed away, and George's interest also seemed to pass. Stan half expected George to continue on with the watch idea and market it, but George seemed to forget about the watch idea for the time being. Perhaps it was too difficult for George to deal with emotionally ...and he needed to focus more on healthy individuals. It is often that people deeply care ...they just realize the emotional toll is more than they'd anticipated. George turned his attention back to the walled community, and made himself more available there. Stan was thankful for that.
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George appeared himself again. The general order of things seemed to be restored. Fernye seemed to understand, stating that every once in while we all just need to get away …to sort things out for ourselves, but then we return back to the ones who hold most significance in our lives. Rebekkah, in particular, voices her relief, thankful that George appears to be his "old self " again.
But, that's when the other incident happens!
For Fernye, it is no particular surprise. One third of the country suffers a blackout. Fernye recalls how a major blackout had occurred in 1965, 1977, and more recently, in 2003.
In the walled community, the lights flicker and go out for less than a minute before the emergency generators kick in. But most of the country does not have emergency generators.
Most of the children in the walled community gather round to listen to Fernye tell of it. Almost all had witnessed the 2003 blackout. The problem was supposed to have been fixed, to prevent a similar event from happening again, but here it is, happening again.
Fernye refreshes everyone's memory about the ice storm of 2003, and how it had been much worse than the blackout. But Fernye has a unique way of looking at both.
She mentions to the children how the power-grid was man's doing, but the ice storm was considered in everyone's mind, unquestionably, an act of God, though many didn't even believe in God. "Yet, for those who do believe in God, it always should be an immediate response to resort to prayer."
Fernye leads everyone in prayer.
Not everything in the walled community is self-sufficient. They are tapped into the water supply, just like the rest of Metamora. Metamora had a new system, and a new pumping station, but new still does not provide the perfect solution in situations like this. Everyone is asked to boil their water, or use bottled water. But there always seems to be occasion for someone to not receive the information that everyone is to receive. In some cases, the information is shared, but it does not register.
Claudia had just lost her mom. Ray, being the ideal husband, takes off work to be there for his wife. But neither is in the frame of mind to receive the information of the boiled water alert. Ray had used up all his time, so had to return to work the day after the funeral.
That's when little Aidin takes ill. Ray and Claudia had only one vehicle, and Ray had taken it to work. That may be a problem for some, but part of the design of the walled community was to compensate for potential problems such as these. This is what the walled community was best at ---being a community.
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A major purpose of the community was that there would never arise a moment where help could not be found. And among the first to volunteer their help were George and Stan. Together they would drive Claudia and little Aidin to the hospital.
George insists that he does not consider a vehicle for show, but for reliability. And he finds his Mercedes to be as reliable as they come. Of course, the comfort factor helps too. And he always enjoys his ride. Halfway to the hospital, the ride suddenly becomes not enjoyable. A man on a motorcycle is oblivious to the stoplight. He runs the light and smashes into George's Mercedes, totaling his motorbike.
George gets out of his Mercedes to approach the young man lying in the road, several feet from the heap of bent metal that was once his motorbike. The young man suddenly jumps up, takes off his helmet, and strikes George over the head with it.
Stan runs to George's side, George now lying in the spot where the motorcyclist had been lying. Meanwhile, the assaultive young man runs to George's Mercedes, pulls Claudia from the car, throws her to the ground, and takes off with the Mercedes.
The few bystanders just stand by. Claudia's ear-piercing screams add nothing to move them to action. They stare for a moment, as if viewing the violence on a TV screen, then they resume their regularly scheduled programs. They can't possibly assume it's not real …but what do they assume? How can they feel it's not their …how can they not feel?
Claudia's screams become almost mute, gasping for air, her breath taken away by her now silent scream. Her cry is reduced to whimpering sobs, almost child-like, "Oh, God! Please, God, ---please!"
Stan still stands over George. He retrieves a cell phone out of his pocket, "Please, I need an ambulance."
Suddenly, George rises up, grabbing the phone from Stan, startling him. He listens as George makes a different sort of call, "This is George Olitz. It's an emergency! How quick can you get here?"
George then calls another number, "Someone just stole my Mercedes. I need you to start tracking it."
The police officer arrives within three minutes. Stan recognizes the officer as a personal friend of George. George quickly ushers Claudia and Stan into the backseat of the squad car, before addressing the officer, "I called On-Star. They're tracking my car."
Rocky is not only an old friend, but the best there is on the police force. On-Star is doing their job. They have the location of the car and the direction it is heading. Rocky has a hunch where the car will turn next. He calls a fellow officer that he knows will be in that area. According to On-Star, it is a long dirt road.
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The fellow officer waits at the fork in the road, blocking the road to the right. The Mercedes speeds off to the left. That is the exact plan of the officer. The road to the left usually washes out when it rains. And it had just rained a bunch the night before.
Just a half mile down the road, the Mercedes gets a mud bath, unable to free itself from the muck. The officer radios back to Rocky that he had the guy in custody …but there is no little boy.
Claudia hears enough of the conversation from Rocky to realize her little Aidin was not found. She begins to panic all over again, but Stan calmly asks George for the cell phone.
Stan has a very important question for On-Star, "I need you to look at your print-out and check the location of the Mercedes at the different time intervals. Since Aidin was in the backseat, that maniac had to stop the car to get him out. I'm looking for an interval of significantly less distance."
Stan had the ability to think clearly in a stressful situation. It was clearly evident that not much distance was traveled during one interval. Stan didn't just see the convenience of having a service, such as On-Star, he actually had knowledge of how it worked and how to best use it. And Rocky soon knew where they had to quickly drive to. Rocky reports, "It's just around the corner. There's a bridge ..."
Rocky had communicated with the other officer. The man who stole George's car wouldn't even acknowledge that a little boy was in the car. Claudia cries out, "Why would he do that to my little Aidin!"
Rocky is used to this. He profiles the situation in his monotone voice, "Possibly, your child was screaming and it made him nervous, or he couldn't take it anymore. Or perhaps, he was thinking ahead that when he'd have to eventually stop for gas or something, the boy would be in the way, or possibly make a fuss and be more evident that something was wrong, drawing suspicion. It would be just easier to dump the child."
This is not easier on Claudia. This is not what Claudia wants to hear, especially as Rocky slows down, approaching the bridge.
Rocky sums it up, "Let's go about this calmly."
Claudia grabs for the door, but Rocky had already anticipated this. He had hit the automatic door lock, a fraction of a second before she tried the door.
Claudia cries out, "Is this the place!" She sees the fast moving current of the river and her thoughts intensify her panic state, "Let me out! My Aidin needs me!"
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Rocky states in his monotone voice, "The last thing he would need is for someone to think irrationally, out of emotion, to further endanger the situation. Most rafters fear this river, or at least respect it. Your little Aidin needs you. You have to promise me you'll not go near the river. Better yet, you stay in the patrol car. If we find Aidin, we'll bring him to you."
Claudia gasps, "Okay, I promise! Now promise you'll hurry!"
Rocky unlocks the door. Stan gets out, but Claudia stays seated within the patrol car as she'd promised.
George, Stan, and Rocky stand frozen in their tracks for a brief moment, as they collectively stare down at the cruel river and the life-threatening nature of the crisis before them.
Rocky whispers, "Don't say anything to Claudia. We need to work together, quickly. I'll get a rope from my squad car. You two stay put and wait for me."
Little Aidin's shirt is caught on a tree branch extending out over the river. You can barely hear his soft cries and whimpers.
Stan does not wait. He turns to George, "I can reach him. You stay here. I'll hand him up to you."
Stan quickly steps down the bank of the river and reaches out, grabbing little Aidin. With arms still extended, Stan extends a foot up the bank, handing little Aidin to George.
Rocky had retrieved a rope from the patrol car, now dropping it upon seeing the danger before him. He grabs the side of the bridge and extends a hand to Stan, but not in time. The riverbank provides unsafe footing for Stan, collapsing under his back foot. His forward foot cannot sustain his weight, or balance.
Stan desperately grasps for the branch that had saved Aidin. But the branch begins to crack as the lower half of his body has already slipped into the water, and the powerful river pulls against his feeble attempt to save himself.
Rocky is too professional to show any kind of emotion that may hint that he cares about anything other than the success of his own performance. He prides himself in the fact that he is never moved to irrational thought ....as the current sweeps Stan down the river.
But, he is a bit perturbed that his orders had not been followed. He again orders, "George, get in the car! A half mile down the river divides. We may be able to reach him there."
Rocky hollers aloud, obviously to himself, as George runs down the embankment and along the river, "Doesn't anyone know how to follow orders!"
Meanwhile, Claudia is thankful for the unprofessional and irrational, that has helped her little Aidin survive. She sits in the patrol car, comforting her son.
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By the time Rocky catches up with George, George has tied one end of the rope around a tree and the other end around his waist. Rocky is amazed to see Stan still holding onto the branch that had broken free. But even more amazing, Stan has the branch hooked onto another branch, extending out over the river.
Rocky is also amazed how a person George's age had moved so quickly, but his amazement doesn't rise above his demands, demanding respect for his authority, "George, stop! You'll both get killed!"
George is breathing heavily. He does not heed the warning. He leaps into the river, disappearing within the current.
Suddenly, the branch that Stan clings desperately to, breaks loose. The undercurrent now has nothing left to hinder it. Stan disappears from view.
Rocky cannot see either George or Stan. Only the taut rope is visible, as it cuts into the cruel current. Rocky does not have to be taught what to do next. He begins to pull the rope in.
The veins are visible in Rocky's neck. The fiber of his police uniform is stretched to the limit. Every muscle fiber in Rocky's body is straining to reel the rope in …that is still tied around George's waist.
Rocky finally sees George as he quickly pulls the rope to pull him ashore. But it is truly unbelievable! He also sees Stan firmly within George's grasp!
George appears to be unconscious, but he has an unbelievable grip around Stan's waist. George's fingers are locked together, holding Stan so tightly that Rocky finds it near impossible to loosen the grip.
Rocky's job is far from over. He calls for an ambulance, then begins CPR on George. Stan had evidently, held his breath. George had no breath left, having run down the riverbank as he had.
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XXV
The hospital wanted to keep Stan a day longer, for precautionary measures. But one more good night's rest and he is given a clean bill of health. Aidin is released that same day, doing well, all considered. George, on the other hand, has a rough go of it. At first, the Doctors are doubtful he will live. Now they say, he has shown signs of improvement and may be able to pull through ...though they're not sure what condition he will be in if he does pull through.
As a community of Christians, the walled community does not claim to idolize or elevate any individual, but if they did, in a mild sense of the word, George and Stan would be their heroes. Everyone in the community loves one another, but for George and Stan, there seems to be an extra special measure. A celebration is planned for Stan and Aidin when they return from the hospital, but not until after they all gather together in their church building to pray for George.
George shows marked improvement after that. Though everyone understands it may take time.
************
Shannon arises for an early morning ride, to watch the sunrise. She is grooming her horse, Malachi, as Cindy joins her at the barn with Leah, Josiah, and Samuel.
They really look forward to collecting the eggs, and are comical the way they are so delicate with them. Cindy is convinced that since she has resolved to stay at home, in the community, it seems to have affected the children's character. They seem so peaceful and content.
Cindy had declined to go on the different "missions of love", as they would call them, into the outside community. She'd done more than her share of that ...let someone else have a turn. Her purpose is to turn the hearts of her children, and she is happy to see she has turned it around with them. It seems to be working wonderfully. Yet, she is not able to escape the regrets. She wishes she'd been able to turn it around with Stephen, too.
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There was a time when she had not been so distant. She recalls their courtship. She had felt on top of the world. Her dad had warned her of the West Nile virus, but their love, like many first loves, approached life as if they were invincible. The mosquitoes didn't seem to bother them much. They got bit, but their focus was on the beauty around them, and the beauty within. They would watch the sunset, then sit and talk, watching the moon's light gradually brighten, glistening across their already beaming faces.
They hadn't really felt invincible, they were just in love …and their focus was on each other. Their attention towards each other did not detract from their focus on the One who is invincible. They never ceased to pray to God. That's where the power of love is.
Cindy doesn't ever recall praying against the mosquitoes. She and Stephen merely formed their own swat team against that one. But they did pray about many other things, including the continuing turmoil in the Middle East. And at that time, the D.C. sniper was bringing a renewed fear to many. They prayed he'd soon be caught.
Their prayers were sincere, but so were their feelings towards each other. Soon they'd get caught up in the moment, looking into each other's eyes, forgetting the world and its problems.
Once they got married, things changed. They didn't look into each other's eyes as much. And the world events seemed to melt away into obscurity. Stephen had always listened to the news radio on his way to work, then the next day they'd discuss it and pray about it. But in view of the negative press over the 'Essence' prayer, she soon distanced herself from national issues, and created her own little world ...a world Stephen sadly was not a part of. She'd always be reporting her news, seldom giving opportunity for discussion. Between Stephen working and her running around, they both took care of the children, but only through taking turns, not together as a family.
Cindy wondered how others viewed life. There were those who blindly accepted, and just went with the changes. Others, like George and Stan, tried to change the world. But a few, like Cindy, just tried to ignore what was going on. There was a time she had tried to change it too, but those days were past. National and world events were not the only events excluded from her world. She had many regrets. She had also excluded her husband ---and isolated the children.
Much of the time the children were merely tag-a-longs. But that was about to change now. She couldn't be with Stephen, but she could live for the children. She'd create her own little world with them ---and for them. The walled community will serve them well. She'll make it a happy time for them. But deep inside, it still contains some sadness. Stephen is not here to share this with her.
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Suddenly, Cindy catches a glimpse of something out of the corner of her eye. A blanket catches the air, draping itself over the rail.
The children begin to smile. They are familiar with this. They stop gathering eggs, to gather round. Three of those miniature stuffed animals appear on top of the rail, emerging from behind the blanket.
Cindy is also familiar with this. Stan often surprises the children with a skit of the three French barn cats. The children know all the cats' names, but a newcomer, a yellow bird, joins in. Pounce de Leon, pounces on the bird. The dad cat, Bonjour, and the mom cat, Mew Miaou, rush over to see what has just happened.
Their French kitten, Pounce de Leon, pretends to be rationalizing, "Mom, I know you told me to be a good kitty and leave the bird alone, but I only made a small movement. I didn't do a big pounce. I only made a very small movement ---for the bird's right wing."
With his bid for a French accent, Stan varies his voice for each cat, providing for very cute entertainment.
The French accent varies now, for a more masculine adult-like voice. The typical head movement is the cue for Bonjour's voice, "Leave the right wing alone. Go after the left wing." The feminine French accent, Mew Miaou, joins in, "Too political for me. I go after the head, not the wings."
Bonjour cautions, "Make sure you don't lose your head over it." Mew Miaou adds, "You know what they say, birds of a feather ...."
Bonjour finishes the sentence, "Stick together, ...yuck! And stick to your throat too! You're absolutely right ---I mean, I'm right. I mean, you're absolutely correct. Maybe we should go after the head."
Josiah laughs, mispronouncing it, "Pounce the Lion? And what is the bird's name? You didn't tell us the bird's name." Stan improvises, "King the Lewis."
Leah laughs, "You mean, Lewis the King?"
Stan smiles, "No, King the Lewis. One day the Lewis was taking a walk and Pounce the Lion jumped out of the bush, right on top of the Lewis." Josiah enthusiastically joins in, "What happened then?"
Stan broadens his smile, "Well, all the other birds tried to warn everyone by shouting, LION ON THE LEWIS!."
Shannon stops brushing Malachi for a minute to watch the skit too.
Cindy's smile is a guarded one. She thinks of how Shannon has grown, and shown much in the area of responsibility, insight, and wisdom. But until now, she has shown no real interest in boys. Her best friend has been her cousin, Moriah. But Moriah hasn't been around for a while, having joined her parents on another mission trip. Perhaps she will change her focus, and realize how special Stan is. But, that will be in Shannon's own time ...not anyone else's expectations.
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Shannon had shown much interest in mission trips also, but Moriah is older. At least that's what Cindy keeps telling her. And Fernye also supports that argument, though she has whispered to Cindy that Shannon is actually older than when Moriah went on her first mission trip. Fernye won't bring that fact up though. She is usually all for proper adventures, but with Shannon, she is particularly protective.
Fernye had made mention that in a couple years, Shannon will most likely be drawn to another mission field. Cindy doesn't want to have any part of that conversation. She prefers that courtship not be referred to as a mission field. Looking at a field of eligible bachelors seems more like a worldly sense, while courtship should be an arrangement directed by God.
How had she phrased it? "And anything short of certainty of what God has arranged seems too 'people arranged' ---and that's scary."
Cindy recalls Fernye's response to that. She had heard it all before. It is clearly in her mind, as she hears it all over again, "It scared me too, with you and Stephen …especially since you didn't even like him from the start. But God arranged that, so don't you go scaring away what God might be arranging for sweet little innocent Shannon. It scares me too, yet there's a strange sort of peacefulness to it also. They've not even voiced any consideration of such intentions. Right now, it's just a shared appreciation of certain things, ---like horses."
Cindy watches her precious Shannon, innocently joining Stan behind the blanket to help perform the next skit. A shared appreciation …would it soon develop into an increased interest in each other's friendship? She wants to believe Shannon is still so young, but she really isn't.
Anyone would be happy for a friend with such wonderful character as Shannon. And any parent would be happy to raise a son as fine as this young man. George certainly had done a fine job in raising Stan. Why is it so scary to think of Shannon being courted by him in a couple years? It should be more of a scary thought that she'd be courted by someone other than Stan. That's the thought that Fernye had left Cindy with.
Cindy supposes that Fernye is right. But she doesn't really have to concern herself too much with it. As Moriah returns from the overseas mission, she and Shannon resume their active friendship. They spend every moment together. Shannon and Moriah ride horses together, they work in the barn together, they climb trees together ---especially that special tree house overlooking the entire community; and together they lead Leah, Josiah, and Samuel on special treasure hunts. All this takes place within the community, of course.
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Shannon and Moriah share everything ---not only the happy, but the sad. The saddest thing is the day they have to bury Lark.
Cindy excludes Samuel from the actual burial, but she allows Leah and Josiah to attend. For weeks they continue to share memories of Lark. And each time they cry all over again. Samuel cries with them when they sit around and tell stories about their faithful dog.
Cindy knows the tears are for more than just the dog. Their emotions have been pent-up for a long time, without any real release. Somehow it seems easier to share about the dog.
************
While Shannon and Moriah are sharing their renewed friendship, Stan, on the other hand, is working extensively with George. When George got out of the hospital, he needed extensive care. And the extra care seemed to help him recover extra quickly.
Soon the two of them are once again preoccupied with their computers. Stan's skills on the computer far exceed those of George ---actually, his skills far exceed anyone that you can think of. And there is no better father-son team. They are the best!
Much had already been computerized …electronic payment of bills, special credit cards, all in the name of the changing times. George felt that all ideas were good, but 'better ' would be consolidating as many of those ideas as possible. There would always be those who resist, but time mostly takes care of those who fear progress.
More and more, as time goes on, coins and bills become obsolete. As George puts it, "In the name of progress, society is changing, and people will just have to adjust."
*******
It had been foretold for years. Only those in denial would claim this day would never come. But for George and Stan it is a day to reflect upon their combined achievements. It is a day to celebrate …a celebration of technologies they had a large part in bringing about.
George compares it to the year the Berlin Wall was torn down in 1989. That also stood as a milestone in history. And this present moment would go down in history also …as the end of the "cash society".
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George doesn't stick around to celebrate much though. He has plans for his own mission trip of sorts. He had agreed to help Israel come up with a better plan for national security. In fact, there is talk that it might even be tried in our country on a volunteer, trial basis, in certain parts of our nation. Various installations in the country had already shown much committed interest.
Of course, Stan goes to Israel with George. In response to this, Fernye teases Cindy, "See, now Stan's going to have national attention, international even. You shouldn't have feared him getting together with Shannon. Now I'm afraid he's gotten away."
As Cindy drives home from their visit with Fernye, she reflects on how quickly Shannon has grown up. She had tried so hard to protect her innocence …and for the most part she feels she has succeeded. Shannon is such a proper young lady, and Cindy is pleased that this transition into adulthood has proved to be an easy transition so far. She only hopes it will be as easy for the other three children. Things are changing so quickly. How much different will things be for Leah when she will be facing the challenging prospects of adulthood? Well, that is still years away …no need to think about that!
Cindy turns on the Christian radio station for some good, wholesome message. It is a popular Christian speaker …she recognizes the voice, but can't recall his name. As they go to a commercial, to Cindy's surprise, they are talking about Liposuction.
She quickly reaches to turn it off, but mistakenly hits the wrong knob, switching it to another station.
In the back seat, Leah, Josiah, and Samuel are chattering and not seeming to pay attention …but, as is often the case, children will not even be paying attention to something until it is decided upon by an adult that a particular thing should not be seen or heard by a child, at which point, it suddenly becomes of interest to the child.
The children had not been paying attention until Mom abruptly hits the knob. Suddenly the back seat becomes quiet.
Cindy quickly tries to hit the knob again, but again she misfires, locating a station that is in high need of a lower volume adjustment. She quickly remedies her mistake, but it is too late.
She is not sure whether they heard it, but she is certain that if they had heard it, they would not understand what they'd heard.
Her fear is soon realized, as Josiah asks, "Leah, what exactly does diss--function mean?"
Josiah had been struggling with his pronunciation of words, but he pronounces that one fairly clear. Cindy is thankful that Josiah hadn't asked her the question, and listens to what kind of answer Leah will give.
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Leah is a real reader. She likes to read anything she can get her hands on. She likes to be informative, "Dysfunction is when something isn't working or functioning right. A brain dysfunction is like when Grandpa can't remember where he put his glasses, when we ask him to read a book to us. I've heard him say that. And a dysfunctional family is one that doesn't work together the way it should."
Cindy wonders where Leah heard about dysfunctional families.
Josiah answers, "Our family is diss-functional …since Dad died."
This hurts! Cindy had hoped the children wouldn't perceive their family life in such an unhealthy fashion. She is painfully aware of how she'd messed up much in the past, but she is trying so hard to remedy that. And she feels she's doing a fairly good job.
Leah answers, "No family is perfect!"
Cindy is thankful for that acknowledgement.
Then Josiah repeats what he thought he'd heard, "But what is a eh-reptile diss-function?"
Cindy is so happy she'd not been asked that question. Yet, she fears what Leah knows; what Leah could possibly say.
Leah, eager to provide answers, quickly does, "It probably explains the dinosaurs. After Noah and the flood, there was less than there used to be. The big reptiles probably couldn't adapt, not getting as big anymore."
Josiah asks, "Do you think it had something to do with them getting old too?"
Leah is in agreement, "Probably."
391
XXVI
For the next ten years, Cindy spends much of her time Homeschooling Leah and Josiah. Shannon has no desire to go on to college, nor does Cindy encourage it. What she does encourage, is Shannon's interest in helping Homeschool Samuel.
Leah and Josiah are more receptive to Mom, but Samuel seems fascinated by anything Shannon chooses to teach him. And one thing Shannon teaches Samuel all about is ---Dad. Yes, about horses too, but mostly about Dad.
As Samuel gets older, he becomes fascinated by the line of work that Dad had been in. He is interested in all sorts of law enforcement, but mostly prison work. He studies the history of the prison system, how they've changed throughout the years ---and variations of how prisons are run in other countries.
Samuel also collects all the newspaper articles about the prison break, inclusive of Crazy Larry's escape and Stephen's disappearance. He seems very objective about it, trying to figure out for himself what he feels happened. He has many questions and though most of his family doesn't want to talk much about it, he finds Rebekkah will often talk about it.
He is impressed with the way Rebekkah had handled the press and formed her own investigation. Though Samuel's primary interest is in Shannon's discovery of that particular Boater's magazine, and the entire story behind the writing of the article.
Leah is just finishing up her Homeschooling, and Josiah has only one year left to complete his final high school grade. This makes it easier, teaching one child. Shannon continues to teach Samuel, so Cindy has more time to think of what she'd like to do with her spare time. She'd put every other notion on hold, so she could dedicate her life to her children. But now that she'd nearly fulfilled the most major part of that, in raising them, she looks again to that idea of long ago. Maybe now is the right time to do it.
392
The world is certainly messed up and confused …so Stephen's book wouldn't be outdated. Maybe she could get his notes organized, and attempt to write the book he had started. It is all hand-written in ink. But neatness is compromised as well as organization. She has to figure out his difficult maze of arrows. And if that doesn't slow her down, there are inserts and additions to complicate the way, along the way.
Cindy types: The Essence ....
At least the title page is clear. Or is it?
*******
Shannon had fairly much forgotten about Stan. But Fernye hadn't. In his late twenties, and still single. Fernye prays about it. She has a secret wish. And if her prayers are to be answered in the way she wants them to be, Stan will not be single much longer.
Fernye understands that prayers are not always answered in the way we would desire them to be. The Bible says that God's thoughts are not our thoughts. And Fernye has long since reconciled her thoughts on that. God loves us, and He knows better than us what is best for us. But as she sees it, God will not fault her for having her secret wishes …and as wishful and far removed as they may seem to be, it is possible that God will grant her the desires of her heart.
George and Stan were spending much time overseas. Presently, they were residing in Jerusalem. Fernye had a secret in reference to that also. She had been keeping in touch with Stan. George was there on diplomatic relations ….and Stan was always there by his side, learning much. Though the peace process was making headway, it always seemed to fall short of the grand expectations. This is where Fernye's secret came into play. She had outlined precisely what she felt Stan should do.
393
Stan had been silent up until now. But this was his advantage. When he finally did speak, it took both George and the others in the meeting by surprise.
Stan stands up, "I do not understand how you are to arrive at peace through demands, compromise, and concessions. It is not fair to ask someone to give up something, especially with no clear understanding of how important it is to them. Therefore, I would like to spend one week with each of the representative groups here: to tour each and every one of your countries, enter your homes and holy places, and to experience your visions."
And that's exactly what happens. Stan and George are treated as honored guests. And as they walk about the land, there is total peace for that first week, the second week, and on through to the prearranged seventh week ---after each representative group had taken their turn in playing host to this living experience.
The seventh week they meet again. This meeting has a very different tone to it. It is similar to the first meeting by the fact that it is all men, but this time …the men do not appear so harsh.
Stan has a broad smile as he addresses his newly acquainted friends, "For the first seven days after we last met, there was peace. Into the second week and through the third, there was peace. As we went forth through the fourth, and challenged the doubts of so many by completing the fifth, it seemed inversely improbable that we would not find peace for a sixth and seventh week. Now today, I ask each of you, how long will the peace last?"
Stan continues to capture their interest, "When the peace lasted seven days, few believed it could last a second week. Now that it has lasted seven weeks, I ask you, how much longer do you believe it can last? But before you answer that, let me share with you something I've experienced with each and every one of you through those seven weeks. I did not experience a difference of people. What I felt was a common bond, not any difference significant enough to have fought for, the centuries over. Truly, there has been fighting and hatred ---but not over what any of you truly represent. You've been fighting over a misplaced emotion. You've been fighting over a hurt in the past. You continue to hurt each other in the most horrific ways, over a misunderstanding of the past. And unless it stops, and you've shown that you can stop it, your children and your children's children will be fighting over what you are fighting over today. They will not understand it, but they will fight because you have fought. You will not pass on to them a blessing, as fathers should pass on to their children, but you will pass on to them your pain. You will pass on to them the fight."
394
Stan looks about. They are listening to him. Over the course of the past weeks, he's endeared himself to them. "And when they die ---when your children die ---your wives will cry and perhaps you will cry, if you have any tears left in you. But most likely you will continue to do what you've been doing ---you will go out and kill again. But let me make one thing clear. When you kill ---be not mistaken, the children will not die because of some stranger you presently call your enemy. The children will die because of you. You are killing your own children because you choose to pass on the fight. It is because of you ! If we filled this room with each of your families' infants, they would get along. But if we allowed you to visit them, they would perish at each others' hands ---all because of your hatred."
Stan leans forward, whispering loudly, "I beg of you, go home and love your children. And if one person kills another, don't hate that people. Teach your children to hate the hatred. Admit your mistakes and join together in communion and heal the land. I've communed with each of you. I've felt each of your hurts, but I cannot feel your hate. You have let the past drive you apart. I beg you to let the past heal you. Let me share with you what I have learned over these seven weeks. Let me share with you what you've shared with me."
Stan lifts two large books, pressed together between his two large hands. He places them on the table in front of him, and leans forward, resting his hands upon them, "The past is your foundation. The past is your cornerstone. If you destroy the cornerstones of your beliefs, at the very most ---all you have is a struggle for meaning. And within that struggle, you make up a reason why death is not only unavoidable, but that makes it preferable. You've used the past to destroy, rather than to heal. And you've destroyed the light in your children's eyes."
Suddenly, the lights go out. Gasps are heard throughout the room. It catches everyone by surprise. They sit in darkness.
Suddenly, a light shines beneath Stan's face. Stan holds a flashlight beneath his face, "And all they see is an unclear vision of your face. Our children's eyes see no light shed upon any foundation. And they can no longer see the true light seen through the founding fathers' eyes."
395
The lights go back on. Stan sets the flashlight on the floor, and rests his hands upon the books on the table in front of him, "The founding fathers of what you believe, your patriarchs, did not lead you to peace. But neither did they direct you to war. Take Abraham, for instance, he dearly loved both his children. But he could not find peace in his own household. There was great strife. We cannot read of the account without feeling the pain, without feeling the hurt. But we've taken that hurt and created that as our banner. We've become so all consumed in our hurt that we fail to read on. We fail to read on about the healing that was supposed to have already taken place. The hurt was passed on, but the healing was not. When Abraham died, Ishmael and Isaac, with the common bond of the love of their father, joined together to bury Abraham. They buried their differences for that moment. They reconciled. But did the reconciliation pass on, or did the hurt? Isaac's two sons, Esau and Jacob, found no peace, even within themselves. Esau went to Ishmael to find peace and a wife. Jacob tried to find peace by working seven years for a wife, yet found the seven years would not reveal that which he had hoped for."
One of the men, rises slowly, "It is true. I have carried my hatred too long. I would, that my son would die, before I would part with my anger and my hatred. But I will stand up and confess my error, to my people. As Ishmael and Isaac joined together to bury their father, I will bury my differences. I have stood against my own son, my only son, because of his desire to marry one whom I am not willing to accept. And I stand before you today, with no reason, other than pride, to stand in the way. So, as Jacob gave seven years of work, I am willing to turn our seven weeks of seven days, ---into seven years. I would like all of you here to believe that we can extend our seven weeks into seven years of peace. And then why not seventy times seven, and save our children's children's children. Let us begin this peace agreement with a celebration of my son's wedding. Let me now return unto my son to give him my blessing. Let us celebrate together in giving all of our children the blessing they so desperately deserve ---the blessing of peace ---not the vile curse we have given them through war."
*******
It was a slow and difficult process, but they had finally negotiated what most would consider ---world peace. Peace in the Middle East, that is.
396
Stan was known for his computer prowess. But not all had recognized his effective charismatic appeal, and the respect he drew from it …though none could deny it now. And few would think he would return to the small walled community after having conquered the world, per se.
George and Stan Olitz were two names that would never be forgotten in all of history. But they were not too lofty for Fernye's prayers. Her prayers were spoken to the One who can conquer all things. And she'd have a thing or two to say about it too.
George and Stan had more or less established a second home in Jerusalem. Rebekkah had visited them there several times, and upon returning home, she continued to keep in touch on a weekly basis. But shortly after the peace agreement, she took ill.
The convenient overseas communication would no longer suffice. After all, Rebekkah had been a lifetime friend of George. And George wanted to be by her side.
The reason why they returned to the walled community didn't matter to Fernye. She thanked God for answering her prayers.
George said Rebekkah could count on him …and he was not about to leave anytime soon. Fernye figured that meant she could count on Stan to be around also. As father and son, George and Stan were inseparable.
When George arrives at the hospital room, all other visitors decide to step out for a bite to eat ---leaving George and Rebekkah alone.
George leans over the hospital bed, and kisses Rebekkah on the forehead, "You're still strong as a bull."
Rebekkah counters, "I'm in my 90's. It's not often that they even attempt open-heart surgery on someone my age."
George continues to hold her hand, "They're not dealing with your typical person here. You're one of a kind. And the medical advances have been significant in the past few years."
Rebekkah squeezes his hand, "Not with someone advanced in age like me, my friend."
George gently rests his other hand on their clasped hands, "We've been through worse …you know we have. I know no other person on earth with a stronger will than you."
Rebekkah looks out the window, "My strong will has not always served me well. Let's hope that this time it does." She looks into George's eyes, "Thanks for being my friend."
George looks into Rebekkah's soft eyes, "Thanks for being my friend too."
397
Rebekkah's eyes soften, forming a single tear in each eye, "It's been way too easy for me. You're the one who has been a true friend, watching after me all these years. You've always given your all ….and I often regret that I haven't."
George lifts her hand, kissing it, "Now, now, let's not make your heart too heavy. It will need plenty of rest for tomorrow."
Rebekkah feels powerless against her thoughts, "I was always afraid I'd make a mistake. And in fear of making a mistake, I've perhaps made my biggest."
George now invites the thought, "What mistake was that?"
Rebekkah chokes out the words, holding back the tears, "I believe I was wrong in not marrying you." She releases a breath with a soft laugh, "But you were wrong too." George sits on the bed beside her, leaning on one arm, stretched out across her, "How's that?"
Rebekkah smiles, "You said you needed help in raising Stan. Well, you were wrong. You've done a fine job, all by yourself. No one can take that from you."
George straightens up and again clasps Rebekkah's hand in both of his, "So, it's settled then?"
Rebekkah's voice rises a bit above a whisper, "What's settled?"
"Will you marry me?" George slips off the bed. At first it appears as if he's dropping to one knee to propose to her. But Rebekkah soon realizes it's not that at all. George falls completely backwards, and strikes his head.
George quickly gets back up, insisting he's okay. But, Rebekkah had already pushed the nurse's button.
Rebekkah sits up in bed, "No, you're not okay. And you have a nasty bump there." She grabs the handkerchief from George's own jacket front pocket and dabs at a small accumulation of blood beginning to trickle from the quickly rising bump.
George almost falls again. Again, Rebekkah presses the nurse's button for assistance …but no need, as a nurse rushes into the room, and steadies George to prevent the second fall.
George is unknowingly resistive. He is mumbling something. Some words can be made out, others run together ---none of it making clear sense, but Rebekkah attempts to listen. What is he saying? Is it thanks, or franks? Food-man, or good man? Never cold, or never told?
398
It almost sounded like he was having both sides of the conversation, thanking her for referring to him as a good man ---while venting his own frustrations of her having never let him know, never telling him that she loved him …never told.
No, that was more like the thoughts she was having. He had smashed his head rather hard. He was having scrambled brain activity. Garbled, it sounded like he wanted a hotdog from a food-man. George liked to go to baseball games. And he always said the franks at the ballpark were the best. He keeps repeating it …and each time it sounds slightly different.
Rebekkah hopes she had not put too much pressure on George's heart. He had flattered her by commenting on how well she was doing for her age, but he is a couple years older than she is. George certainly does not look his age, but you have to wonder if he's been doing too much.
***********
Stan postpones his appointment with the media until after he is certain George is okay. He then reschedules it, inviting the media to the walled community.
With cameras rolling, the media inquires, "So, the burning question still remains, Stan. How did you get them to agree to peace?"
Stan had chosen the main dining area of the community church as the interview site. He takes a bite of a hotdog, swallows, then wipes his mouth with a napkin, "Oh, it was nothing. You just have to be at the right place at the right time. They've perhaps been the most misunderstood people of all time. They are truly a loving people ---all of them. Everyone wanted the peace ---they just had to be guided into it."
The camera quickly pans the cozy atmosphere of the dining area before posing the next question, "So, what would you say is next on your agenda, Stan ---having now accomplished world peace?"
Stan takes a large bite and speaks with his mouth full, "World hunger."
Everyone at the table laughs, as well as the media ---who've already planned their next comments, "Well, I guess they say that peace begins at home. So perhaps the same could be said for curing hunger. But seriously, do you have a plan in place for curing world hunger?"
Stan wipes his mouth and swallows, "I don't, but my friend Shannon here has been working on one."
399
Stan turns to Shannon, "Would you like to share with them what you told me yesterday?"
Shannon is rather surprised and unprepared to say anything, but the camera is now upon her. She tries to hide her embarrassment.
Stan saves her, "Well, Shannon and I were discussing how some of the developments of capitalism do not always serve us best. We've always viewed a competitive market to be a healthy one, but at times our striving to be competitive on so many varied levels, actually does not maximize our productivity. Sometimes, even in our individual lives, we can become quite non-productive by focusing on too many things at once."
Stan takes a smaller bite of hotdog, "So, Shannon brought it to my attention that if we'd focus on just a half dozen struggling third-world countries ---to help them out, by allowing them to focus on producing just one thing ---then they could achieve more maximum productivity. Her suggestion was that we take those half dozen countries, and have them focus exclusively on the production of bread. Then they could distribute the bread throughout the world, and there would be no more hunger."
The media supplies the question that perhaps all of the viewing audience would be asking, "But wouldn't the burden of distribution be difficult, and far exceed even the cost of production? Who would handle the distribution?"
Stan smiles, "You know, that is the same question I asked Shannon. And she said that would be taken care of by donations."
Shannon, with her wonderful classic laugh, can not contain herself.
Stan joins in on the laughter, "I was, at first, taken by the concept. But it's the only way to go. Such a charitable thing would obviously have to be taken care of by donations."
Stan pauses before repeating, "Dough nations?"
400
XXVII
Everyone is amazed that Rebekkah is so quickly out of surgery and doing so well. Everyone except, Fernye. Fernye is an extraordinary person herself. Occasionally she wouldn't feel well, but she'd usually get over it in a day or two with a little rest. It's simply amazing that she never has any real health problems, and she's 23 years Rebekkah's senior.
Rebekkah thanks Fernye for being by her side. Fernye is a true warrior ---a prayer warrior, that is ---praying Rebekkah through surgery.
Fernye is also persistent with nagging George about his appointments. More tests are forthcoming with George. It's not conclusive what's really ailing him. They'll have to wait for the tests to reveal more. Meanwhile, according to Fernye, hopefully George will learn the difference between caring and nagging, stating how typical it is of men to cop an attitude to avoid taking full responsibility for themselves.
With all that, Fernye is not so busy that she can't keep her dream alive. She continues to pray for Stan and Shannon. But her quick assessment is that those prayers are not doing as well.
That's Fernye's emotional response though. Through all her years of prayer, she knows full well that often things aren't what or where they appear to be. And her conviction is that if you pray, and then work real hard to make the prayer come true, it's not showing lack of faith as long as you give God all the credit when it does come true.
Most people didn't know quite what Fernye meant when she said God prefers fruits to vegetables. But she was not about to sit around. God gladly gives us the fruits of our labors, she'd say. And no one could deny the blessings that came to and from Fernye. She always wanted to share whatever blessings ---whether her own or someone else's. She always said that someone else's blessing is always our own also. We should have as much joy for each other as for ourselves.
401
That all soon becomes evident at the celebration of Fernye's 113th birthday. Fernye teases, "I didn't think you were celebrating my 113th birthday. I thought you were bringing recognition to a much loftier achievement. Today is the opening of our 113th walled community, nationally. And by this time next year, that number is supposed to more than double."
The concept of the walled community had started slow, but now is really catching on. Several times a year, conferences are held to explain the concept, and tours are held in already established walled communities. It is a true blessing. The Metamora community feels especially blessed this day.
George and Rebekkah are each doing much better. And of course, the main focus is the celebration of the oldest person in America. But Stan temporarily steals the spotlight.
Stan's awkward delivery of his announcement brings most of the smiles. He had so eloquently helped negotiate peace in the Middle East, yet he is stammering through the words now, not knowing quite what is proper, nor how to go about saying it, "I know I'm supposed to ask someone's permission. And as ill-equipped as I am at this, I do have some knowledge ---enough to know that I'm supposed to ask Shannon's dad. But since that's not possible, I'm asking all of you." Stan is doing okay at it now. It just takes him a moment to talk through his nervousness, "I'm asking you ---my community, my support, my loved ones ---permission to court Shannon, with intent to marry."
Shannon likes Stan, but this throws her totally off guard. Stan had said he would've asked her dad, but the would've didn't help her much now. Dad would've insisted that Stan be more discreet. He would've talked to her privately, and her feelings would've been considered before anyone would've known of Stan's intent.
But now, Shannon's feelings are all over the map. She doesn't really want to escape. She just wants time. And though the idea of courtship is supposed to provide for that very thing, she feels that perhaps Moriah's invitation had already mapped out the better solution. Last week, Moriah had once again extended the invitation. She is to join her parents on another mission trip. And once again she'd invited Shannon to go along.
402
Shannon is excited, as usual, but though she is twenty-eight years old, she still goes to Mom for advice. And of course, Mom has her same feelings. Though she can't tell her she is too young anymore, she voices her wishes that she not go.
Fernye had tried to stay out of it. Anyone else, she'd be excited for, but this is different. Shannon is special, too special to let go anywhere. Well, not anywhere ---but anywhere where there are uncivilized people and where unpredictability is a prime consideration. All considered, it is a fine thing to bring the gospel to far-reaching places. But let Shannon do some other fine thing ---like marry Stan.
Shannon hadn't mentioned the trip to Indonesia. Everyone is still focused on last week's initial excitement. That's why it takes everyone by surprise now, "Stan, I'm going to be going on the mission trip with Moriah and her parents next week. Could you please pray for me about that?" Everyone falls silent. Shannon feels extremely awkward, "I'm not going away for---forever. It's only a year commitment."
**************
Cindy waits until the morning. Shannon always wakes up earlier than the rest, and is sitting, curled up against the arm of the sofa. Cindy snuggles up beside her, "Why are you really going to the mission field?"
Shannon tries to find the words, "Sometimes in life, we just have to try what we've been avoiding. But this isn't like mountain climbing, or skydiving ---nothing like that. This is mission work."
Cindy is not convinced, "Or are you trading one thing for another? I've been avoiding the idea of you going to the mission field, but you're avoiding the thought that you and Stan could have a good life together. So if you want to try what you are avoiding, you could give you and Stan a try. When you were fourteen, you said you'd never marry. I was fine with that. I didn't want you to think of courtship and marriage at such a young age …when the answer would have been unquestionably, "No!" But now you are old enough to say, "Yes!" I don't have a problem with you following what might be God's Will."
Shannon is feeling the burden of painful decision-making, "Please, try to understand, Mom. You've had a chance to live out a few of your dreams. And lately you all have tried to live out Dad's dreams. That's fine, but I have to find my own dreams too."
403
Cindy passes her concern on ...and Fernye takes a turn, "So, you're trying to find your dream. Have you prayed about it?"
Shannon doesn't want to tell anyone, but the pressure of keeping it inside is too great, "I prayed that I'd stop having the dream." Fernye offers advice instead of a question, "What if God gives you a dream? It wouldn't be right to pray against it."
Shannon offers a question, "Grandma, how do you suppose Job's friends got to be the way they were?"
Grandma doesn't understand the correlation. She can't imagine Shannon would compare Stan to one of Job's friends, but Fernye is always willing to share her wisdom, "Well, they appeared to be good men, filled with the knowledge of God. But it appeared they so filled themselves with God's wisdom that they began to dispense it out of their own, instead of returning to where the wisdom first came from. When we do that, there's a confusion that breeds, and it is difficult to discern what is God's wisdom and what is our own. If we take a circumstance that God has guided us through in the past and attempt to apply it to someone else's circumstance, we may be overlooking what God would have us see. That is our own wisdom. God's wisdom is for our unique situation, and we are not wise enough to know the personalized nature of it. Others may not seek out God if we portray to others that we and wisdom are one and the same."
Shannon returns to her previous mention, "How do you know whether a dream comes from God? I keep having this dream that Dad is crying, and I wake up crying in the night."
Fernye explains, "That is real common. It usually means you have unresolved emotions concerning something. You know, while Dad was here, you had never really shown Dad that you accepted him. So those emotions are very possibly pouring out in your dreams."
Shannon is still confused, "But why is Stan in my dreams? My dreams have Dad crying and me crying, but Stan never cries."
Fernye smiles, "Maybe you do care about Stan more than you'd like to admit. And the emotions you were holding back from Dad, you are now holding back with Stan. That's a common transference. In your case, it would be emotional guardedness."
Shannon would like to feel confident what God would have her see in this whole emotional entanglement, "But it's not just a dream, Grandma. I have never seen Stan cry, for real."
Fernye tries to share the wisdom of her past experiences, "Well, that's because men are simply not brought up to cry. That's always the way it was, and for the most part it probably will never change. Thankfully, they are brought up to be sensitive to our crying. But don't expect them to cry."
404
Shannon is searching, "Even when they're boys, they learn not to cry?"
Fernye affirms, "That's precisely when they learn. It's a sad time, especially for mothers. They see the day their sons turn from hugging and kissing them ---to portraying a rough exterior."
Shannon's heart begs to differ, "But not all of them do. I saw Dad cry lots of times."
Fernye appears so focused on defending Stan, she forgets her past fondness of Stephen, "Well, when a man cries too much, what does a woman have left to do? If there's one thing a woman can't stand, it's being outcried."
Shannon feels this is an outcry of injustice. That's one of the things she felt was so special ---when a man didn't bend to expectations. Dad was special that way. And no one can change her perception of him.
Fernye continues though, "When a man and woman happen to switch roles ---well, that's what happened with the women's liberation movement."
Shannon wonders what happened to Grandma. She always seemed to know what to say, and it was refreshing to see God working through her, but why doesn't Shannon feel that way now? Is it because Fernye is getting old? No, that's ridiculous. She's way past "getting", ---it's just that she can be so right-on, then other times, she just sounds like the rest of society.
Shannon has to ask, "What happened with the women's liberation movement? Did the men all start crying?"
Shannon recalls Grandma saying the movement was a crying shame.
But Fernye appears tired, so she doesn't respond with her usual humor "Well, no. Most of the men didn't do anything. So naturally, the women had to."
Shannon sees it one way, "My Dad and Mom didn't switch roles."
Fernye sees it another way, but doesn't choose to bring up that point, "Well, maybe not, but your Mom has to do both roles now. She's had to for several years now. You'd make it easier on her if you'd marry Stan. Stan has all the Christ-like character that I would ever look for in a man. You'll find no better."
Fernye is so convinced that the best thing for Shannon is Stan. So much so, that she can't help add, "Yes, your Dad was a good man, but your Mom told me some things. I'm sorry to say, he was a bit insecure. And I believe that's why you saw him cry. Stan is a very secure young man. I believe he has the joy of walking with God. You probably don't see him cry, but I'd find no fault with that. You'll find more happiness sharing joy, than tears."
405
Shannon is emotionally exhausted, "Perhaps you're right, Grandma. I'm just confused about a lot of stuff at this stage of my life. But just one more thing ---could you explain to me one more thing?"
Grandma feels she has made her point, "Sure, what is it?"
Shannon asks, "In the Gospel of John, what does Chapter eleven, verse thirty-five mean?"
The world is certainly messed up and confused …so Stephen's book wouldn't be outdated. Maybe she could get his notes organized, and attempt to write the book he had started. It is all hand-written in ink. But neatness is compromised as well as organization. She has to figure out his difficult maze of arrows. And if that doesn't slow her down, there are inserts and additions to complicate the way, along the way.
Cindy types: The Essence ....
At least the title page is clear. Or is it?
*******
Shannon had fairly much forgotten about Stan. But Fernye hadn't. In his late twenties, and still single. Fernye prays about it. She has a secret wish. And if her prayers are to be answered in the way she wants them to be, Stan will not be single much longer.
Fernye understands that prayers are not always answered in the way we would desire them to be. The Bible says that God's thoughts are not our thoughts. And Fernye has long since reconciled her thoughts on that. God loves us, and He knows better than us what is best for us. But as she sees it, God will not fault her for having her secret wishes …and as wishful and far removed as they may seem to be, it is possible that God will grant her the desires of her heart.
George and Stan were spending much time overseas. Presently, they were residing in Jerusalem. Fernye had a secret in reference to that also. She had been keeping in touch with Stan. George was there on diplomatic relations ….and Stan was always there by his side, learning much. Though the peace process was making headway, it always seemed to fall short of the grand expectations. This is where Fernye's secret came into play. She had outlined precisely what she felt Stan should do.
393
Stan had been silent up until now. But this was his advantage. When he finally did speak, it took both George and the others in the meeting by surprise.
Stan stands up, "I do not understand how you are to arrive at peace through demands, compromise, and concessions. It is not fair to ask someone to give up something, especially with no clear understanding of how important it is to them. Therefore, I would like to spend one week with each of the representative groups here: to tour each and every one of your countries, enter your homes and holy places, and to experience your visions."
And that's exactly what happens. Stan and George are treated as honored guests. And as they walk about the land, there is total peace for that first week, the second week, and on through to the prearranged seventh week ---after each representative group had taken their turn in playing host to this living experience.
The seventh week they meet again. This meeting has a very different tone to it. It is similar to the first meeting by the fact that it is all men, but this time …the men do not appear so harsh.
Stan has a broad smile as he addresses his newly acquainted friends, "For the first seven days after we last met, there was peace. Into the second week and through the third, there was peace. As we went forth through the fourth, and challenged the doubts of so many by completing the fifth, it seemed inversely improbable that we would not find peace for a sixth and seventh week. Now today, I ask each of you, how long will the peace last?"
Stan continues to capture their interest, "When the peace lasted seven days, few believed it could last a second week. Now that it has lasted seven weeks, I ask you, how much longer do you believe it can last? But before you answer that, let me share with you something I've experienced with each and every one of you through those seven weeks. I did not experience a difference of people. What I felt was a common bond, not any difference significant enough to have fought for, the centuries over. Truly, there has been fighting and hatred ---but not over what any of you truly represent. You've been fighting over a misplaced emotion. You've been fighting over a hurt in the past. You continue to hurt each other in the most horrific ways, over a misunderstanding of the past. And unless it stops, and you've shown that you can stop it, your children and your children's children will be fighting over what you are fighting over today. They will not understand it, but they will fight because you have fought. You will not pass on to them a blessing, as fathers should pass on to their children, but you will pass on to them your pain. You will pass on to them the fight."
394
Stan looks about. They are listening to him. Over the course of the past weeks, he's endeared himself to them. "And when they die ---when your children die ---your wives will cry and perhaps you will cry, if you have any tears left in you. But most likely you will continue to do what you've been doing ---you will go out and kill again. But let me make one thing clear. When you kill ---be not mistaken, the children will not die because of some stranger you presently call your enemy. The children will die because of you. You are killing your own children because you choose to pass on the fight. It is because of you ! If we filled this room with each of your families' infants, they would get along. But if we allowed you to visit them, they would perish at each others' hands ---all because of your hatred."
Stan leans forward, whispering loudly, "I beg of you, go home and love your children. And if one person kills another, don't hate that people. Teach your children to hate the hatred. Admit your mistakes and join together in communion and heal the land. I've communed with each of you. I've felt each of your hurts, but I cannot feel your hate. You have let the past drive you apart. I beg you to let the past heal you. Let me share with you what I have learned over these seven weeks. Let me share with you what you've shared with me."
Stan lifts two large books, pressed together between his two large hands. He places them on the table in front of him, and leans forward, resting his hands upon them, "The past is your foundation. The past is your cornerstone. If you destroy the cornerstones of your beliefs, at the very most ---all you have is a struggle for meaning. And within that struggle, you make up a reason why death is not only unavoidable, but that makes it preferable. You've used the past to destroy, rather than to heal. And you've destroyed the light in your children's eyes."
Suddenly, the lights go out. Gasps are heard throughout the room. It catches everyone by surprise. They sit in darkness.
Suddenly, a light shines beneath Stan's face. Stan holds a flashlight beneath his face, "And all they see is an unclear vision of your face. Our children's eyes see no light shed upon any foundation. And they can no longer see the true light seen through the founding fathers' eyes."
395
The lights go back on. Stan sets the flashlight on the floor, and rests his hands upon the books on the table in front of him, "The founding fathers of what you believe, your patriarchs, did not lead you to peace. But neither did they direct you to war. Take Abraham, for instance, he dearly loved both his children. But he could not find peace in his own household. There was great strife. We cannot read of the account without feeling the pain, without feeling the hurt. But we've taken that hurt and created that as our banner. We've become so all consumed in our hurt that we fail to read on. We fail to read on about the healing that was supposed to have already taken place. The hurt was passed on, but the healing was not. When Abraham died, Ishmael and Isaac, with the common bond of the love of their father, joined together to bury Abraham. They buried their differences for that moment. They reconciled. But did the reconciliation pass on, or did the hurt? Isaac's two sons, Esau and Jacob, found no peace, even within themselves. Esau went to Ishmael to find peace and a wife. Jacob tried to find peace by working seven years for a wife, yet found the seven years would not reveal that which he had hoped for."
One of the men, rises slowly, "It is true. I have carried my hatred too long. I would, that my son would die, before I would part with my anger and my hatred. But I will stand up and confess my error, to my people. As Ishmael and Isaac joined together to bury their father, I will bury my differences. I have stood against my own son, my only son, because of his desire to marry one whom I am not willing to accept. And I stand before you today, with no reason, other than pride, to stand in the way. So, as Jacob gave seven years of work, I am willing to turn our seven weeks of seven days, ---into seven years. I would like all of you here to believe that we can extend our seven weeks into seven years of peace. And then why not seventy times seven, and save our children's children's children. Let us begin this peace agreement with a celebration of my son's wedding. Let me now return unto my son to give him my blessing. Let us celebrate together in giving all of our children the blessing they so desperately deserve ---the blessing of peace ---not the vile curse we have given them through war."
*******
It was a slow and difficult process, but they had finally negotiated what most would consider ---world peace. Peace in the Middle East, that is.
396
Stan was known for his computer prowess. But not all had recognized his effective charismatic appeal, and the respect he drew from it …though none could deny it now. And few would think he would return to the small walled community after having conquered the world, per se.
George and Stan Olitz were two names that would never be forgotten in all of history. But they were not too lofty for Fernye's prayers. Her prayers were spoken to the One who can conquer all things. And she'd have a thing or two to say about it too.
George and Stan had more or less established a second home in Jerusalem. Rebekkah had visited them there several times, and upon returning home, she continued to keep in touch on a weekly basis. But shortly after the peace agreement, she took ill.
The convenient overseas communication would no longer suffice. After all, Rebekkah had been a lifetime friend of George. And George wanted to be by her side.
The reason why they returned to the walled community didn't matter to Fernye. She thanked God for answering her prayers.
George said Rebekkah could count on him …and he was not about to leave anytime soon. Fernye figured that meant she could count on Stan to be around also. As father and son, George and Stan were inseparable.
When George arrives at the hospital room, all other visitors decide to step out for a bite to eat ---leaving George and Rebekkah alone.
George leans over the hospital bed, and kisses Rebekkah on the forehead, "You're still strong as a bull."
Rebekkah counters, "I'm in my 90's. It's not often that they even attempt open-heart surgery on someone my age."
George continues to hold her hand, "They're not dealing with your typical person here. You're one of a kind. And the medical advances have been significant in the past few years."
Rebekkah squeezes his hand, "Not with someone advanced in age like me, my friend."
George gently rests his other hand on their clasped hands, "We've been through worse …you know we have. I know no other person on earth with a stronger will than you."
Rebekkah looks out the window, "My strong will has not always served me well. Let's hope that this time it does." She looks into George's eyes, "Thanks for being my friend."
George looks into Rebekkah's soft eyes, "Thanks for being my friend too."
397
Rebekkah's eyes soften, forming a single tear in each eye, "It's been way too easy for me. You're the one who has been a true friend, watching after me all these years. You've always given your all ….and I often regret that I haven't."
George lifts her hand, kissing it, "Now, now, let's not make your heart too heavy. It will need plenty of rest for tomorrow."
Rebekkah feels powerless against her thoughts, "I was always afraid I'd make a mistake. And in fear of making a mistake, I've perhaps made my biggest."
George now invites the thought, "What mistake was that?"
Rebekkah chokes out the words, holding back the tears, "I believe I was wrong in not marrying you." She releases a breath with a soft laugh, "But you were wrong too." George sits on the bed beside her, leaning on one arm, stretched out across her, "How's that?"
Rebekkah smiles, "You said you needed help in raising Stan. Well, you were wrong. You've done a fine job, all by yourself. No one can take that from you."
George straightens up and again clasps Rebekkah's hand in both of his, "So, it's settled then?"
Rebekkah's voice rises a bit above a whisper, "What's settled?"
"Will you marry me?" George slips off the bed. At first it appears as if he's dropping to one knee to propose to her. But Rebekkah soon realizes it's not that at all. George falls completely backwards, and strikes his head.
George quickly gets back up, insisting he's okay. But, Rebekkah had already pushed the nurse's button.
Rebekkah sits up in bed, "No, you're not okay. And you have a nasty bump there." She grabs the handkerchief from George's own jacket front pocket and dabs at a small accumulation of blood beginning to trickle from the quickly rising bump.
George almost falls again. Again, Rebekkah presses the nurse's button for assistance …but no need, as a nurse rushes into the room, and steadies George to prevent the second fall.
George is unknowingly resistive. He is mumbling something. Some words can be made out, others run together ---none of it making clear sense, but Rebekkah attempts to listen. What is he saying? Is it thanks, or franks? Food-man, or good man? Never cold, or never told?
398
It almost sounded like he was having both sides of the conversation, thanking her for referring to him as a good man ---while venting his own frustrations of her having never let him know, never telling him that she loved him …never told.
No, that was more like the thoughts she was having. He had smashed his head rather hard. He was having scrambled brain activity. Garbled, it sounded like he wanted a hotdog from a food-man. George liked to go to baseball games. And he always said the franks at the ballpark were the best. He keeps repeating it …and each time it sounds slightly different.
Rebekkah hopes she had not put too much pressure on George's heart. He had flattered her by commenting on how well she was doing for her age, but he is a couple years older than she is. George certainly does not look his age, but you have to wonder if he's been doing too much.
***********
Stan postpones his appointment with the media until after he is certain George is okay. He then reschedules it, inviting the media to the walled community.
With cameras rolling, the media inquires, "So, the burning question still remains, Stan. How did you get them to agree to peace?"
Stan had chosen the main dining area of the community church as the interview site. He takes a bite of a hotdog, swallows, then wipes his mouth with a napkin, "Oh, it was nothing. You just have to be at the right place at the right time. They've perhaps been the most misunderstood people of all time. They are truly a loving people ---all of them. Everyone wanted the peace ---they just had to be guided into it."
The camera quickly pans the cozy atmosphere of the dining area before posing the next question, "So, what would you say is next on your agenda, Stan ---having now accomplished world peace?"
Stan takes a large bite and speaks with his mouth full, "World hunger."
Everyone at the table laughs, as well as the media ---who've already planned their next comments, "Well, I guess they say that peace begins at home. So perhaps the same could be said for curing hunger. But seriously, do you have a plan in place for curing world hunger?"
Stan wipes his mouth and swallows, "I don't, but my friend Shannon here has been working on one."
399
Stan turns to Shannon, "Would you like to share with them what you told me yesterday?"
Shannon is rather surprised and unprepared to say anything, but the camera is now upon her. She tries to hide her embarrassment.
Stan saves her, "Well, Shannon and I were discussing how some of the developments of capitalism do not always serve us best. We've always viewed a competitive market to be a healthy one, but at times our striving to be competitive on so many varied levels, actually does not maximize our productivity. Sometimes, even in our individual lives, we can become quite non-productive by focusing on too many things at once."
Stan takes a smaller bite of hotdog, "So, Shannon brought it to my attention that if we'd focus on just a half dozen struggling third-world countries ---to help them out, by allowing them to focus on producing just one thing ---then they could achieve more maximum productivity. Her suggestion was that we take those half dozen countries, and have them focus exclusively on the production of bread. Then they could distribute the bread throughout the world, and there would be no more hunger."
The media supplies the question that perhaps all of the viewing audience would be asking, "But wouldn't the burden of distribution be difficult, and far exceed even the cost of production? Who would handle the distribution?"
Stan smiles, "You know, that is the same question I asked Shannon. And she said that would be taken care of by donations."
Shannon, with her wonderful classic laugh, can not contain herself.
Stan joins in on the laughter, "I was, at first, taken by the concept. But it's the only way to go. Such a charitable thing would obviously have to be taken care of by donations."
Stan pauses before repeating, "Dough nations?"
400
XXVII
Everyone is amazed that Rebekkah is so quickly out of surgery and doing so well. Everyone except, Fernye. Fernye is an extraordinary person herself. Occasionally she wouldn't feel well, but she'd usually get over it in a day or two with a little rest. It's simply amazing that she never has any real health problems, and she's 23 years Rebekkah's senior.
Rebekkah thanks Fernye for being by her side. Fernye is a true warrior ---a prayer warrior, that is ---praying Rebekkah through surgery.
Fernye is also persistent with nagging George about his appointments. More tests are forthcoming with George. It's not conclusive what's really ailing him. They'll have to wait for the tests to reveal more. Meanwhile, according to Fernye, hopefully George will learn the difference between caring and nagging, stating how typical it is of men to cop an attitude to avoid taking full responsibility for themselves.
With all that, Fernye is not so busy that she can't keep her dream alive. She continues to pray for Stan and Shannon. But her quick assessment is that those prayers are not doing as well.
That's Fernye's emotional response though. Through all her years of prayer, she knows full well that often things aren't what or where they appear to be. And her conviction is that if you pray, and then work real hard to make the prayer come true, it's not showing lack of faith as long as you give God all the credit when it does come true.
Most people didn't know quite what Fernye meant when she said God prefers fruits to vegetables. But she was not about to sit around. God gladly gives us the fruits of our labors, she'd say. And no one could deny the blessings that came to and from Fernye. She always wanted to share whatever blessings ---whether her own or someone else's. She always said that someone else's blessing is always our own also. We should have as much joy for each other as for ourselves.
401
That all soon becomes evident at the celebration of Fernye's 113th birthday. Fernye teases, "I didn't think you were celebrating my 113th birthday. I thought you were bringing recognition to a much loftier achievement. Today is the opening of our 113th walled community, nationally. And by this time next year, that number is supposed to more than double."
The concept of the walled community had started slow, but now is really catching on. Several times a year, conferences are held to explain the concept, and tours are held in already established walled communities. It is a true blessing. The Metamora community feels especially blessed this day.
George and Rebekkah are each doing much better. And of course, the main focus is the celebration of the oldest person in America. But Stan temporarily steals the spotlight.
Stan's awkward delivery of his announcement brings most of the smiles. He had so eloquently helped negotiate peace in the Middle East, yet he is stammering through the words now, not knowing quite what is proper, nor how to go about saying it, "I know I'm supposed to ask someone's permission. And as ill-equipped as I am at this, I do have some knowledge ---enough to know that I'm supposed to ask Shannon's dad. But since that's not possible, I'm asking all of you." Stan is doing okay at it now. It just takes him a moment to talk through his nervousness, "I'm asking you ---my community, my support, my loved ones ---permission to court Shannon, with intent to marry."
Shannon likes Stan, but this throws her totally off guard. Stan had said he would've asked her dad, but the would've didn't help her much now. Dad would've insisted that Stan be more discreet. He would've talked to her privately, and her feelings would've been considered before anyone would've known of Stan's intent.
But now, Shannon's feelings are all over the map. She doesn't really want to escape. She just wants time. And though the idea of courtship is supposed to provide for that very thing, she feels that perhaps Moriah's invitation had already mapped out the better solution. Last week, Moriah had once again extended the invitation. She is to join her parents on another mission trip. And once again she'd invited Shannon to go along.
402
Shannon is excited, as usual, but though she is twenty-eight years old, she still goes to Mom for advice. And of course, Mom has her same feelings. Though she can't tell her she is too young anymore, she voices her wishes that she not go.
Fernye had tried to stay out of it. Anyone else, she'd be excited for, but this is different. Shannon is special, too special to let go anywhere. Well, not anywhere ---but anywhere where there are uncivilized people and where unpredictability is a prime consideration. All considered, it is a fine thing to bring the gospel to far-reaching places. But let Shannon do some other fine thing ---like marry Stan.
Shannon hadn't mentioned the trip to Indonesia. Everyone is still focused on last week's initial excitement. That's why it takes everyone by surprise now, "Stan, I'm going to be going on the mission trip with Moriah and her parents next week. Could you please pray for me about that?" Everyone falls silent. Shannon feels extremely awkward, "I'm not going away for---forever. It's only a year commitment."
**************
Cindy waits until the morning. Shannon always wakes up earlier than the rest, and is sitting, curled up against the arm of the sofa. Cindy snuggles up beside her, "Why are you really going to the mission field?"
Shannon tries to find the words, "Sometimes in life, we just have to try what we've been avoiding. But this isn't like mountain climbing, or skydiving ---nothing like that. This is mission work."
Cindy is not convinced, "Or are you trading one thing for another? I've been avoiding the idea of you going to the mission field, but you're avoiding the thought that you and Stan could have a good life together. So if you want to try what you are avoiding, you could give you and Stan a try. When you were fourteen, you said you'd never marry. I was fine with that. I didn't want you to think of courtship and marriage at such a young age …when the answer would have been unquestionably, "No!" But now you are old enough to say, "Yes!" I don't have a problem with you following what might be God's Will."
Shannon is feeling the burden of painful decision-making, "Please, try to understand, Mom. You've had a chance to live out a few of your dreams. And lately you all have tried to live out Dad's dreams. That's fine, but I have to find my own dreams too."
403
Cindy passes her concern on ...and Fernye takes a turn, "So, you're trying to find your dream. Have you prayed about it?"
Shannon doesn't want to tell anyone, but the pressure of keeping it inside is too great, "I prayed that I'd stop having the dream." Fernye offers advice instead of a question, "What if God gives you a dream? It wouldn't be right to pray against it."
Shannon offers a question, "Grandma, how do you suppose Job's friends got to be the way they were?"
Grandma doesn't understand the correlation. She can't imagine Shannon would compare Stan to one of Job's friends, but Fernye is always willing to share her wisdom, "Well, they appeared to be good men, filled with the knowledge of God. But it appeared they so filled themselves with God's wisdom that they began to dispense it out of their own, instead of returning to where the wisdom first came from. When we do that, there's a confusion that breeds, and it is difficult to discern what is God's wisdom and what is our own. If we take a circumstance that God has guided us through in the past and attempt to apply it to someone else's circumstance, we may be overlooking what God would have us see. That is our own wisdom. God's wisdom is for our unique situation, and we are not wise enough to know the personalized nature of it. Others may not seek out God if we portray to others that we and wisdom are one and the same."
Shannon returns to her previous mention, "How do you know whether a dream comes from God? I keep having this dream that Dad is crying, and I wake up crying in the night."
Fernye explains, "That is real common. It usually means you have unresolved emotions concerning something. You know, while Dad was here, you had never really shown Dad that you accepted him. So those emotions are very possibly pouring out in your dreams."
Shannon is still confused, "But why is Stan in my dreams? My dreams have Dad crying and me crying, but Stan never cries."
Fernye smiles, "Maybe you do care about Stan more than you'd like to admit. And the emotions you were holding back from Dad, you are now holding back with Stan. That's a common transference. In your case, it would be emotional guardedness."
Shannon would like to feel confident what God would have her see in this whole emotional entanglement, "But it's not just a dream, Grandma. I have never seen Stan cry, for real."
Fernye tries to share the wisdom of her past experiences, "Well, that's because men are simply not brought up to cry. That's always the way it was, and for the most part it probably will never change. Thankfully, they are brought up to be sensitive to our crying. But don't expect them to cry."
404
Shannon is searching, "Even when they're boys, they learn not to cry?"
Fernye affirms, "That's precisely when they learn. It's a sad time, especially for mothers. They see the day their sons turn from hugging and kissing them ---to portraying a rough exterior."
Shannon's heart begs to differ, "But not all of them do. I saw Dad cry lots of times."
Fernye appears so focused on defending Stan, she forgets her past fondness of Stephen, "Well, when a man cries too much, what does a woman have left to do? If there's one thing a woman can't stand, it's being outcried."
Shannon feels this is an outcry of injustice. That's one of the things she felt was so special ---when a man didn't bend to expectations. Dad was special that way. And no one can change her perception of him.
Fernye continues though, "When a man and woman happen to switch roles ---well, that's what happened with the women's liberation movement."
Shannon wonders what happened to Grandma. She always seemed to know what to say, and it was refreshing to see God working through her, but why doesn't Shannon feel that way now? Is it because Fernye is getting old? No, that's ridiculous. She's way past "getting", ---it's just that she can be so right-on, then other times, she just sounds like the rest of society.
Shannon has to ask, "What happened with the women's liberation movement? Did the men all start crying?"
Shannon recalls Grandma saying the movement was a crying shame.
But Fernye appears tired, so she doesn't respond with her usual humor "Well, no. Most of the men didn't do anything. So naturally, the women had to."
Shannon sees it one way, "My Dad and Mom didn't switch roles."
Fernye sees it another way, but doesn't choose to bring up that point, "Well, maybe not, but your Mom has to do both roles now. She's had to for several years now. You'd make it easier on her if you'd marry Stan. Stan has all the Christ-like character that I would ever look for in a man. You'll find no better."
Fernye is so convinced that the best thing for Shannon is Stan. So much so, that she can't help add, "Yes, your Dad was a good man, but your Mom told me some things. I'm sorry to say, he was a bit insecure. And I believe that's why you saw him cry. Stan is a very secure young man. I believe he has the joy of walking with God. You probably don't see him cry, but I'd find no fault with that. You'll find more happiness sharing joy, than tears."
405
Shannon is emotionally exhausted, "Perhaps you're right, Grandma. I'm just confused about a lot of stuff at this stage of my life. But just one more thing ---could you explain to me one more thing?"
Grandma feels she has made her point, "Sure, what is it?"
Shannon asks, "In the Gospel of John, what does Chapter eleven, verse thirty-five mean?"
XXVIII
Fernye says she feels a heaviness in her chest. Cindy says she has the same heaviness of heart, now that Shannon is gone. But Fernye insists that it's not the same. So to be on the safe side, Cindy agrees to take her to the hospital for a checkup.
Cindy stares ahead at the road. She does not say much. She really can't believe Shannon is gone ---but she is.
Fernye isn't saying much either. She just gazes out the car window. Suddenly, Fernye hollers, "Turn back!"
Cindy immediately senses danger at the tone of the command, "What! What's the matter?" Fernye insists, "Just turn back!"
Cindy quickly turns on her directional signal and turns on the first street to the left, "Okay. Now where and what am I turning back to?"
Fernye has calmed down a bit, but still has an anxious tone, "Just drive, I'll tell you when to stop!"
Cindy drives back a quarter mile. Fernye then cautions, "Slow down a bit ---get ready to pull off. Okay, right here!"
Cindy pulls off, "Okay, what is it?"
Fernye's heart leaps for joy, "Don't you see it?"
406
Cindy looks, "I see a barren field. You are looking here to the right, aren't you?" Fernye continues her ecstatic joy, "It's a field full of golden wheat, ready for harvest!"
Cindy looks to Fernye, then back out the window, "I'm sorry, Grandma, I still see a barren field. The sun is shining, perhaps casting a slight golden hue across the surface of the field. But I still just see a barren field."
Cindy is happy they are on their way to the hospital. Grandma is usually so sharp. But she is 113 years old. It is time for a check-up, for sure.
Fernye turns to Cindy, "Don't you see? I tried to convince Shannon not to go, but I believe I was wrong. She did the right thing. I somehow feel good about it now. There is a barren field out there ---barren of the truth of Jesus. And Shannon is going to help plant, cultivate, and witness a golden harvest. Can you see it now?"
Cindy smiles, "Yes, I see it! I guess I should have set my emotions aside too. I know God takes care of us all ---and certainly He will guide those who are most willing to let Him guide them."
Fernye smiles, "If you put another person's needs before your own, you meet two person's needs. If you put your own needs first, you meet no one's needs."
Cindy laughs, "Why are we going to the hospital, Grandma? You're as healthy as you've ever been."
Fernye chuckles, "We're not going to a spiritual counselor. My body is old. You bring your car in for a tune-up every so often, don't you?"
Cindy pulls back around, and proceeds to drive to the hospital.
Fernye seems to drift in thought, but chooses to share those thoughts, "Shannon was ready to grow. She wasn't ready to cultivate a relationship with Stan. If you cultivate before the growth begins, you just uproot that growth. Stan felt a need to be with someone, and that someone at this time was Shannon. But that would be putting his own needs, or what he felt were his needs, first. And as I said, then you meet no one's needs. Stan has gone through so much. He has matured. But we've sheltered Shannon. We've attempted to shelter her from things we felt that were not good, but we can't also shelter her from what is good. This mission experience is good. And Stan is good. When she returns, she'll be much more mature. She'll be ready to meet Stan on his level. Just wait and see."
407
**********
There is the fear of love realized too soon, and the fear of love not realized. The latter is the case with George. Instead of talking about marriage, Rebekkah had asked to be courted.
Hand-delivering flowers, he modifies his voice in a comical fashion, adding a drawl to his slowed speech, "I've heard your friend, Fernye, say over and over again ---that you can sure catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Now, we all know honey comes from a flower and a bee, so these flowers be ---for you."
Rebekkah holds back her laugh, attempting to maintain a least a semi-serious tone, "How romantic, George. I've considered myself many things ---but a fly, to be caught? What tangled web you weave! But, of course, you're quoting Fernye, so I understand it's not intended to be anything, but old folk romantic. Next, I expect you'll say my hair is like corn silk ---and it glistens like dew on the morning grass."
**********
Rebekkah returns to visit George that evening within his humble little dwelling. George is a refreshing part of the walled community. He is scheduled for surgery later in the week. They had discovered a tumor, the size of a fist, in the back of his head. It seems to rain on the just and the unjust. The same thing had happened to Ruth's dad ...there was nothing just about him. But, George is such a good man ...and dear friend.
Rebekkah knocks at his door. Most everyone in the community felt safe and secure enough to not worry about locking their door, but George said the reason he continues to lock his door is that he needs uninterrupted concentration to conduct his business.
Being a CEO of a business is not a carefree endeavor. When he was younger, it didn't bother him as much. But now he sometimes needs the added solitude. Still, there is none better than he at running a business. Stan is the best when it comes to computers, but he doesn't have the business sense of George. George is grooming Stan though. One day, Stan will have all the business savvy of George.
Rebekkah knocks again, certain he said he'd be expecting her at this time. But maybe she should wait a minute or two, allowing him time to finish his task.
408
Instinctively, she tries the door. It is unlocked!
It is not like George to not answer the door, and even more unlike him to leave the door unlocked. Well, he was expecting her, but still, she senses something is wrong.
She enters, her heartbeat racing. She finds George at his computer. But George does not look right. Something is wrong!
Rebekkah slowly moves around, behind George. His finger is poised, as if ready to proceed on the computer. She glances momentarily at the computer screen.
Suddenly, he taps one last letter of an access code. George's hand is once again frozen in position just above the keyboard. Something is definitely wrong! He appears to be in some sort of trance. Her guess is that perhaps he's having a stroke. She has no medical knowledge, but she needs to call an ambulance.
George's hand drops, striking the ENTER key. Then his head drops to the side as his body becomes limp, slumping in his chair.
She attempts to support him the best she can, enduring the added weight as she lowers him safely to the floor, without allowing him to strike his head.
**********
Stan paces back and forth outside the operating room. He hopes it's not too late. They had rushed George into surgery. He just hopes they were in time. But he is not alone with this hope of his. Many are in prayer.
The Doctors are confident after surgery. They speak hopeful words. They reassure Stan, and the rest of the prayer group, that they believe they didn't destroy any of the area around the tumor. They are hopeful he'll be himself again. But they'll be more certain in a couple days.
**********
In a short time, George shows much improvement. That is not the case for Shannon though. She is in great physical health, and nothing really to worry about there. But, she is very unsettled. She has been in the mission field less than a month, but sadly it already seems so long …and perhaps wrong, for her. Had she chosen wisely?
409
Shannon does not let on that she is not doing well though. She calls home, and listens to all the news Mom has to share. She had committed to one year in the Indonesian mission field. And she wasn't about to go back on that commitment.
As Shannon gets off the phone with Mom, she cries.
She could tell Mom was crying while she was on the phone. But Shannon didn't let on like she was having a miserable time. She misses Mom so much ---and Leah, Josiah, and Samuel. But there's more to it than that. She misses Dad too.
Being out in the mission field has much potential joy, but Shannon is yet to experience that. There is also a certain sense of being somewhat scared ---not knowing what to do. She recalls that Dad had always fixed things ---or had attempted to. Dad had never seemed to be able to fix it with Mom, but even when things seemed out-of-control, in a sort of way, Dad gave a secure feeling that he was at least struggling to attempt to make things right ---even if in an unpeaceful way.
In a strange sort of way, it was still peaceful when Dad was involved in her thoughts. He may have been wrong in the way he often had did things, but he had at least been struggling for what he wanted to make right.
And Shannon finds that admirable. It brings a deep sense of peace. Dad had a fault of perhaps worrying too much, but he was concerned ...and who could fault him for caring too much? Dad probably wouldn't have even let her go to the mission field. Grandma and Mom had discouraged her, but Dad would have done more ---he wouldn't have let her go to this strange far away place.
Shannon feels the warmth of Dad's arms around her. It is strange. She had never allowed that warmth, but now as she imagines it ---it feels so good. Yes, this is strange. Dad has been gone for over fifteen long years now ---and it has taken this long to be able to feel this kind of peace.
The strange feeling engulfs her and sweeps her along to imaginings she had not expected. As she imagines Dad's arms wrapped around her, the image suddenly becomes …Stan.
It is like she suddenly wants a hug from Stan. She and Stan had never hugged, held hands, or anything for that matter ---but suddenly she feels Stan's love ---the way she feels Dad's love. She'd been unprepared for this emotional journey, but as it unfolds before her, she begins to feel she even understands part of it.
In a way, an allowance is being made for an emotion that had been hindered, without any previous avenue for growth. Is that the way life goes?
Unexplainable? Not really ...it's been happening ever since the beginning of time. It merely happens because it is supposed to happen. It's not really as unexplainable as one may think ---it's God's way. She just hasn't experienced this sort of thing in her life before. Maybe it just takes a little slowing down, moving out of our typical agendas, and experiencing a new perspective.
Shannon begins to laugh at herself. These feelings are probably very common ...it's all a part of growth and maturity.
410
************************************
Time has a way of marching on. Shannon is nearing her year away from home. She has learned much. Often dreaming of adventures is the most fun, but she should also be experiencing what Moriah is feeling.
Shannon had always considered her cousin, Moriah, her best friend. They always shared dreams and adventures of their imaginations. But now that the adventure is real, it does not have the same effect for Shannon. She feels a little guilty. She feels she should be experiencing the joy that Moriah is feeling. After all, what greater joy could a Christian feel than introducing Jesus to a group of people yet void of that understanding?
What Shannon clearly does understand, is that she has too many other feelings rising to the surface. Above all, she feels she has to be honest with herself. Maybe she hadn't been ready for the mission field. Maybe during a different time, she would have been able to feel the same joy that Moriah seems to be experiencing.
Moriah had told Shannon she had some of the same uncertain feelings during her first mission trip. But Shannon knew that wasn't the same. There is a sense of uneasiness that comes with experiencing new things, but Shannon's uneasiness is with the imaginings of a different sort of journey. She had gone to the mission field, not because she had been drawn to it, but because she was drawing herself away …from any closeness that Stan may have been feeling towards her.
**********
The year is finally through! Shannon is coming home. And the very thing that she had run away from …is now drawing her close. She misses her family so much! But her feelings had done a complete turnabout with Stan. She is no longer afraid ...and she misses him too.
She is eager to explore the adventures of her heart through courtship. She hadn't tried to nourish the thought, but the more the thought crosses her mind, the more it begins to settle in with quiet contentment, towards commitment. She wants to settle down. And she wants to settle down with someone she can love …and who will love her. Stan had already announced both his feelings and his intentions. And Shannon feels she is ready to meet him on those terms.
411
Shannon says goodbye to Moriah and her parents. Moriah had committed to two years, so Shannon will be taking the trip back alone, without her friend and companion.
Shannon cries as she steps to the plane. Moriah and her mom, Aleah, cry too. But Lorvin doesn't cry. Lorvin is perhaps much like Stan. Shannon kind of laughs to herself through the tears, as she thinks back just a year ago. She had made such a big deal about not ever seeing Stan cry.
In the mission field, Shannon had seen many men void of God's leading and direction. Cultures had developed for hundreds of years without any of God's influence and understanding. Sadly, many of them reminded her of men in her own country ---a country where the vast majority had at one time believed in God, yet still God's influence scarce to recognize. Then in the name of unity and everything that it represents ---the Essence had made its inroads in her own country. And with peace and acceptance as avenues to link diversity and unity, there became an acceptance of diverse beliefs in God, stripping away truth and character ---much resembling those who are void of those standards which God freely extends to us through His Son, Jesus. All this brings a new perspective to how Shannon really feels about life. And it increases her appreciation for a man such as Stan.
As Shannon gets off the plane, she looks around. She doesn't see anyone immediately. She wonders how much more disappointment she must face. Then some movement catches her eye. Mom breaks from the crowd. Shannon drops her onboard luggage, and they embrace each other.
Then some big strong arms wrap around them both. Is it Stan? She turns her head to see. It is Samuel.
Samuel reminds Shannon of Grandpa Bauer. The gentle kindness of heart, yet a certain comforting strength ---and a great strength of character. She is so happy that Samuel is here. She teases, "Why aren't you taking care of my horse?"
Samuel smiles, "I have been. I thought that Malachi would be okay for at least a couple hours."
Shannon laughs, "I guess since he's too old to ride now, it's still no excuse to ride you." She gives him another big hug, "I really missed you, Samuel." She finally asks, "Where are Leah and Josiah?"
Cindy confesses, "I know this is rather selfish of me, but I wanted to spent some time alone with you first, before everyone else floods you with questions."
412
Cindy hugs Shannon for a very long time, "I missed you so much, Shannon."
Cindy and Shannon sit in the back seat of the car while Samuel drives.
Shannon smiles, "So, Leah and Josiah wanted to come along, but you wouldn't let them?"
Cindy reaches out to touch Shannon's hand, "They understand how Mom's are."
Shannon gently squeezes Mom's hand, then laughs, "So, where shall we start?" Samuel drives, and listens as Shannon tells Mom of her missionary experiences.
*******
Rebekkah, Fernye, and Ken are next to greet Shannon as she arrives at the walled community. Shannon can't help noticing the absence of Leah and Josiah. She expects they will surprise her at any moment.
Mom takes half that surprise away, "No one knew quite when you'd be arriving. And I guess it's my fault again. I was supposed to call ahead to tell them when we were arriving, but I was so eager to see you, I got carried away and forgot. Josiah should be at the printing room, off the church building. He's finishing the first 500 copies of 'The Essence'. He is so eager to see you. So is Leah, but I don't know where she is."
Shannon heads to the printing room. She looks about. She'd shared so much with Mom. But she'd not mentioned her silent wish about Stan. She is partly relieved that she has not seen him yet. She wants to see Josiah and Leah first. She might cry when she sees Stan, and it would be better if her eyes are already filled with tears.
Josiah sees Shannon coming. He runs and meets her halfway, sweeping his sister up in his arms. They both laugh and cry. It is such a joyous reunion.
Shannon asks to see the book, but Josiah says he has a copy set aside for her. "You can see it later. I'm sure Leah can't wait to see you. I think she's in the barn."
Shannon runs and skips to the barn. She is so excited. She could spent hours talking to Leah. Mom knew that, of course, and had made sure to mention that she expected them back for dinner.
413
Leah had shown interest in the mission field. She had wanted to go with Shannon, but Mom had told her "next time", hoping there would never be a next time. Shannon and Leah both understood that, of course. They all knew that Mom always wanted the whole family together ---and was so relieved that Shannon was now safely back home.
There are some things that Shannon is particularly eager to talk with Leah about. She will not share with anyone else how difficult it was for her in the mission field, but she will be able to share that with Leah. And she'll also share with Leah the feelings she now has towards Stan. Leah will understand. It won't remain a secret long anyway. Sometimes sisters sense these things without having to be told. She will tell Leah all about it. Leah will be so happy for her.
The excitement builds as Shannon approaches the barn. Across the front of the barn, stretches a huge banner: WELCOME HOME, SHANNON !!!
The barn door is open. Shannon slips inside. She can see Stan leaning against the top rail of Malachi's pen. He is facing away from her. Shannon keeps to the wall. She wants to surprise Stan.
Suddenly, Leah's voice is heard. She must be inside Malachi's pen. Stan stretches his arm out across the rail, "When I tried to announce my intentions with your sister, a year ago, it was embarrassing. I was rather surprised …because I thought she felt the same way as I did."
Hearing this brings a tear to Shannon's eye. Then she sees something glimmer in the light, on Stan's fingers.
Leah asks, "Is that tape on your fingers, Stan?"
Suddenly, Shannon recalls the video she had taped, one of her favorites, a portion of Dad, left behind. The puppet show comes to mind:
Breeze: "You stick with her as long as she wants."
Cody: "How long does she want?"
Breeze: "Until she gets a ring on her finger instead of tape."
Overcome with emotion, more tears gather in Shannon's eyes. Stan had decided to stick with her ---how long? He'd waited an entire year, not knowing her intentions. Now he was waiting to surprise her with a marriage proposal …one that was so endearing to her heart.
Stan's arm draws back, "I just wanted to check with you first, Leah."
Leah's voice is overcome with emotion, "This catches me a little off guard. What is this you are now saying ...with Shannon about to arrive at any moment. Are you telling me you are about to propose to her again?"
The sound of tape being peeled off a roll is heard. Stan rolls with it, "Your entire family is so special to me. Shannon made it rather clear a year ago, that she was not going to accept my proposal. Having to see her again, kind of makes me feel awkward. It kind of still hurts. I'd like someone who is sure they want to stand by my side. I'm just asking for you, Leah, to stick with me ---until I can get you a ring, instead of tape."
414
Shannon gasps for breath, trying not to make a vocal sound with the sudden intake of air. She slips back quickly along the wall. She cannot face him just yet. She has to compose herself first.
Shannon does well with composing herself. After several minutes, she knocks on the barn door, and hollers inside. The tears are there, of course. Leah rushes to her and cries with her, telling her how much she has missed her.
Several minutes pass, inclusive of Stan very politely welcoming her back. Then Josiah, having finished up at the print shop, enters the barn to remind them that it is time to eat.
While everyone is getting ready to eat, Stan announces his intentions. "I will make an announcement in church this Sunday, but you all are so very dear ...that I want to share my news with you now. I plan to marry Leah."
Shannon gives a happy smile for her sister … but it's also combined with a sadness, she truly must hide.
******************** Cindy and Fernye are very excited, and usher Leah off to an adjacent room. It does not even register with them that they have not even eaten yet.
Leah tries to get a few words in, "This is a surprise to me. It really catches me off guard. I didn't even get a chance to tell Stan how I feel. He sort of asked, but I never even got a chance to say anything. It was so awkward ...he sprung it upon me in the barn, just before Shannon walked in.
Cindy is about to say something, but Fernye jumps in, "None of that matters, we are so happy for you. Having Stan as your husband is too much to imagine ...it would be every girl's dream. And now it's your unbelievably wonderful reality."
***********************
Leah does not necessarily disagree with what everyone has said about how wonderful Stan is. She has just had insufficient time to think how she personally feels.
Leah wants to have one last private moment. She takes that private moment, early in the morning, at the cemetery.
Leah drops to her knees and prays, "Oh Lord, how is a person to really know? I know the beauty of Your design points to the love of death and resurrection. I know, Lord, that You have Dad in Your loving arms. I just want to know if it's the right thing for me to be in Stan's loving arms. I guess, I'm asking You, God, if this whole thing is directed by You ...for me to marry Stan. And if so, then would You please guide this blessing that You have given to the two of us, through our courtship?" Leah can't stem back the tears, "Oh, God, I don't really know why You took my Dad away. I know You are taking good care of him, but I miss him. I always miss him. But for some reason, I miss him more now."
Leah lowers her head to rest upon clasped hands. Her tears find their way to the earth around the gravestone. She hasn't cried like this in a long time.
After quite some time, Leah stands up and begins to pace back and forth in front of the gravesite, "Okay, Dad, I know it's the proper thing to do ---to ask you for your approval and blessing. Well, I don't really know what to say. Stan is a lot like you, Dad. Some people say he's even better than you, but in my heart there will never be anyone quite like you. You are my Dad, and I know no one could love me and take care of me like you did ---except God. So, if you are convinced that Stan is God's choice for me, then I know you will permit me to get a ring ---an unending circle of unending love and commitment. Those are your own words, Dad. I just wish I could have one more dance with you ---on my wedding day. If you could just hold me in your arms …and sing to me, one more time."
415
XXIX
Shannon has to adjust to the idea of her sister marrying Stan. If it can't be her, she'd want it to be Leah. She wants the best for her sister. Maybe it's best that it's Leah.
Shannon doesn't have much time to think out her emotions. The very next morning, her beloved Apaloosa, Malachi, dies.
For whatever reasons, many that they can be, Shannon decides she is going to go back to the mission field to finish out the second year with Moriah.
This is a shock to everyone, but Shannon is certain this is what she wants to do. She assures Leah that she will be back in plenty of time for her wedding.
Leah hands Shannon her well-preserved Cody Komodo, "Here, take this with you, and think of me. I'll be praying for you. I hear there are Komodo dragons on some of those islands. I pray you'll be safe. Take care of Cody ---and remember, I'm praying for you."
*******
Shannon's departure is much sooner than expected. They are all surprised at the news of her return to Indonesia, though Rebekkah had a surprise that she's confident would change Shannon's mind …but it arrives a day too late.
They all agree that Shannon had made the decision abruptly. But, for Fernye, it is more than that ...she feels she knows why. And she feels bad that she'd not been a bit more perceptive.
416
When Rebekkah goes to bed, she cannot sleep. She is quite familiar with emotional torment …but that regret is her own. Daily, she considers her own wrong decision, yet she feels paralyzed to correct it.
She considers Ruth's past life ...how she had experienced what it is like, but not had any regrets. Ruth had made a decision partly out of fear …but mostly out of love. Rebekkah cannot deny her own decision was mostly out of fear. And the guilt of not pursuing that love, torments her.
Shannon had made the best decision of all. Fernye had shared her thoughts with Rebekkah ...and Rebekkah feels Fernye is likely correct. Shannon had made her decision out of love. Of course, they'd never want Leah to catch wind of their suspicions. Leah was not to know. That not only would crush her love, but affect everyone. And she'd probably never suspect anything, as long as no one told her. The entire community is stoking the fires of love …and often love is blind.
Rebekkah recalls what Fernye had said just over a year ago …that Shannon cared about Stan, but wasn't quite ready. Fernye had been confident it would happen in God's time. Rebekkah had agreed, but where was that wisdom leading now? It had led Shannon back to the mission field. And it appeared that she was running away.
Rebekkah had hoped to convince her that there was another way. She had hoped that her gift would convince Shannon to stay.
Meanwhile, Cindy doesn't just want to suppose she knows what is wrong, she wants to at least attempt to verify it. Maybe Leah will know something. The age difference between the two appeared significant, until the past few years. They've since become real close. Leah had always wanted to do things with her big sister, always having to be told that she was too young. Shannon was always being adventurous with Moriah, which led to her journey to the mission field. But she hadn't realized how grown up Leah was becoming. Sisters are often close, sharing everything together. Maybe Shannon had told Leah something that would explain why she returned so hastily to the mission field.
Cindy inquires, "Leah, is there anything Shannon shared with you that would indicate why she would so quickly change her mind, and want to go back to the mission field?"
Leah sadly admits, "No, Mom. She didn't tell me anything, really."
**********
Rebekkah is extremely upset that her gift had not arrived on time. But she will not allow that to ruin her surprise. She will send the gift to Indonesia.
417
Fernye is amazed, "I guess I should have learned by now, that when you set out to do something, you don't let anything get in your way."
Rebekkah gives strict directions for them to call immediately when her gift arrives. Meanwhile, she has to occupy her time. Every minute that she waits feels like forever. She doesn't want to have another emotional event to link her deep ties to the island. She can't live forever with regrets of what she could have done.
But meanwhile, she can occupy her time and thoughts by working a bit more on her story. It is a painful process telling her story. She can in no way bring herself to do it through a letter, or a phone call. But she must tell the story …the entire story.
Some of the story is through the aid of a diary Ruth had left in her care. Some of the story had been told to her by Ruth. But most of it is being told through Rebekkah's own painful memories.
The title, So Loved, is Rebekkah's attempt at salvaging the good amongst the bad. But the story refused to end, as tragedy often visits contentment ---birthing confusion in The Curious Whether and How. Beyond this book, Rebekkah outlines the third phase of her trilogy, before even penning a line in the second story. Yes, to endure and find meaning in life, where others have failed ---to stop, and smell the roses, not to cower over past experiences of having the thorns lodged up your nose.
Rebekkah smiles as she picks out the title of the third book she plans to write. The title comes to mind as she recalls a line from a favorite poem. It speaks for those who endure, and those who endear, Do the Birds in the Wilderness Not Heard, Stop Singing Their Songs?.
Okay, so much for titles and outlines. Real life has to emerge out of pages of sketchy notes. She will slow down a little ---and begin to relive that which she feels she truly never really lived.
Rebekkah is in the thick of her writing, when the plot thickens across the world in Indonesia. Her gift arrives, but at that precise moment they realize that Shannon isn't there. And no one seems to know where she is.
Rebekkah hangs up the phone after abruptly ending the conversation with Sweeney, "Well, find her! Then call me back ...and don't take your Sweeney sweet time in doing it! She can't be lost …someone must know where she is at!"
418
They take more time than Rebekkah is comfortable with …each second tormenting her more and more. The old emotions race back with a resurgence.
Only two hours have elapsed. Finally the call comes, "I'm sorry, Rebekkah. We haven't found Shannon yet, but we have a couple witnesses that say they last saw her, Moriah, and one of the Rahayu brothers out fishing. The three of them appear to be missing. But everyone is instructed not stay out past nightfall. I will be sure to call you when they wander back."
Rebekkah finds no comfort at all in the fact that anyone would wander about ---she can't imagine anyone wandering about in those remote and uncivilized islands. Whether they wandered off or wandered back, wandering is wandering. And her imagination wanders ---wondering if Shannon and Moriah are okay.
There is a long pause, "I know you will do your best, Maggie. I'm sorry if I sound so tense."
Maggie and Stephen Tressel are in their mid-seventies. They are the foundation of the ministries throughout the Indonesian Islands, having been working exclusively there for the past 50 years. Rebekkah recalls when she'd joined in on one of the mission trips over twenty-five years ago. As an integral part of New Tribes Mission, they were a textbook study of effective ministries.
Cindy and the children are gathered around, waiting to hear any bit of good news.
Fernye emerges from prayer, giving her vote of confidence, "I have this unbelievable feeling of relief ---like something wonderful or terrible is going to happen, depending upon your perspective. I don't know if my time is near ---or if it's something else."
This serves as no relief. Rebekkah thinks about what Fernye had said. She could be in agreement ---that if her own time is near, it would be wonderful to finally enter eternity through the ushered hand of Jesus. But Rebekkah fears how terrible it could be ---being left behind to face the conditions that she most recently had learned more about. Being Fernye's age, or even her own, you could anticipate that your own 'End time' to be quickly approaching. Though who could be certain of what tribulations need be endured before Jesus' return.
Rebekkah fears for those she loves. And she struggles against trusting God and trying to put it all in His hands ---instead of her own hands.
419
Lorvin and Aleah must also be worried sick, as their own daughter is reported missing with Shannon. But they are there ...and they are able to do something about it.
That gives Rebekkah some comfort, knowing they will do their best. Nevertheless, Rebekkah's frustration continues to build. She is not used to sitting back, with nothing she can do about it. She is used to being in control ---of others, not of herself.
Somehow Fernye's words always seem to penetrate the mind and lodge themselves in the memory. Rebekkah recalls Fernye's words, "It's when you feel the most helpless …that you are, in fact, the most help."
She knows Fernye is right ---and she sits down to pray.
Back in Indonesia, things were being organized as quickly as possible. Feleti Rahayu said that his younger brother Hola had been mumbling lately about how he can be as effective as anyone. Feleti had been the sole guide and translator for Stephen and Maggie for the past dozen years.
Hola had seemed to take a fondness to Moriah. Feleti doesn't know quite why, but he feels uncomfortable about this. He feels his younger brother might set out to try to prove something. And though Shannon and Moriah may have initially set out to sea for a relaxing break from the routine, an afternoon of fishing …in Hola's eyes it may have become an intentional drift to another island, to attempt to become a fisher of men.
Feleti fears that may be precisely what had happened, and he feels responsible for taking care of it …his brother being involved. He prepares to set sail alone, but Sweeney and Murray claim that their ship is faster. And they also still have that issue of Shannon's gift that they have to deal with. They were expected to personally deliver the gift to Shannon, and they'd pledged to stay until that mission is fulfilled. And of course, Lorvin and Aleah insist on going.
The five person crew quickly boards the ship. Stephen and Maggie had established a base on a small island in the Lesser Sunda Islands. It is north of Sumbawa and Flores Island. Feleti focuses in on a small island to the north, as he directs Murray and Sweeney to set sail. Feleti has a feeling which island Hola would have chosen to sail to.
Lorvin is worried. Every minute that his daughter and Shannon are away, fills him with mounting anxiety. He considers it just briefly, then appeals, "I'm sorry, but I can't travel to an island guided by just a feeling. Nor do I want to be guided by worry. Let's pray about this."
Feleti agrees. Prayer is the better course. Murray shuts the engine off, and lets their craft drift. Feleti doesn't wait to see who wants to lead in prayer, "Dear Lord, God, please guide us in the way ....."
420
A desperate cry penetrates their prayer, "Wait! Wait!"
The voice is that of a young man, losing ground or taking on more water, as he desperately attempts to swim to the ship.
Feleti hollers out, "Kakau!"
They turn the ship around to rescue Kakau.
Kakau crawls on board, with their help, bringing the crew to six members now. Pants and hair dripping, Kakau attempts to explain, "I didn't want to holler from the shore because you might have thought I was just a madman hollering from shore."
Feleti adds, "You're right. A drowning man certainly draws closer attention."
Kakau takes a deep breath, "I ran from the other side of the island when I heard Shannon and Moriah were missing. I saw which way Hola went with them."
Feleti smiles, "I'm glad we prayed. Kakau is a good swimmer, but I don't think he would have caught us if we had not stopped the motor to pray."
It seems to take forever, but soon they circle around to the other side of the island and sail South, which they now assume is the correct direction.
Lorvin stares out across the water. The island they had left is now out-of-sight and there is no land to be seen. The others resume praying again, but Lorvin remains silent, away from the group. He stares out over the waters, for what seems like hours.
Suddenly, Lorvin shouts, "I see something! It's a boat!" He wants to shout that it's them, but there is no way of knowing.
Sweeney hands Feleti a telescope. Feleti quickly identifies, "It's Folau. No one knows these islands like Folau. He's been the self-proclaimed king of these waters for the past thirty years."
Again, Lorvin is not comforted by any proclamation short of announcing where his daughter and Shannon are. As they approach Folau's vessel, Lorvin shouts another announcement, "There's land! I see land!"
Feleti is not king of the islands, but he is familiar enough, "That's Komodo Island."
As they approach Folau's vessel, Feleti begins shouting conversation that only Feleti and those onboard Folau's vessel understand, as they respond in return.
421
There are nearly a dozen, casting nets off Folau's vessel. Suddenly, a voice that can be understood by Lorvin, brings Aleah to his arms, and tears to both, "Hola not go Komodo Island ...Hola go there!"
The young man by the name of Malu, points, but Lorvin does not see anything. Sweeney hands him the telescope. Lorvin sees a faint, but certain silhouette of an island.
Malu climbs onboard, numbering their crew at seven. Malu talks broken English as well as most of the Islanders ---not as well as Feleti or Kakau, but well enough to understand.
Malu describes the people on the island where he said he saw Hola go. But what he says causes great concern, especially to Lorvin and Aleah. Malu says there are two islands. One island is inhabited by women and children ---the other one, only by men.
Feleti turns to Lorvin to joke, "Kind of like the Bible College you told me about ---where the men and women are expected to sit arm's length apart. But here, they sit islands apart."
Lorvin doesn't laugh. From what Malu says, Hola brought Moriah and Shannon to the men's island where women are forbidden.
Lorvin asks, "What happens if a woman goes to the men's island?"
Malu's answer is straightforward, "Don't know …never happen."
Malu and Feleti continue to talk. Apparently, whenever a man dies, the chosen one by that man, if he be a cart carrier or less than a chief, takes the dead man to the women's island for burial. The women begin preparing the grave as soon as they see the boat coming. Then a huge feast is put on, as a part of a marriage ceremony, of sorts.
Malu is very serious about telling his story. But he doesn't realize he is switching languages in telling it.
Feleti asks him to continue telling the story in English, so the others can hear the story too.
Malu obliges, "Women have contest. Each woman already made chair. Chair made of whatever find on island. Each woman put chair on back. Man climb up on chair, on woman's back. Each woman take turn carrying man on back. Woman who carry man farthest, wins. Woman who carry farthest, get chance to carry child. Man stay on island 'til child born. If woman not have child by 330 settings of sun, then nother contest find nother woman for man."
Aleah tries not to let on how worried she is. She attempts to show interest, "So, the man returns to his island as soon as the child is born?"
Malu speaks directly to Aleah, "Soon as child born, nother contest. This time only boys. Boy who carry most buckets of water on pole, be 'chosen one' of man. Boy then go with man back to man island."
Feleti laughs, "Best system of population control I've ever heard of."
422
Aleah does not laugh. She asks, "What you mean by 'chosen one'? What 'chosen one' mean?" She catches herself speaking in the same broken English.
Malu looks into her eyes, "If I be 'chosen one' of Feleti, then when Feleti die, I bring him to woman island."
Aleah is thinking more in-depth about this than anyone else, "What if there is a weak boy who never wins a contest? Wouldn't the frailest boys become frail men and remain on the island?"
Malu begins talking at length in the native language. Feleti listens, taking great concern for what Malu is saying.
Aleah waits until Malu is done with his lengthy discourse, then addresses Feleti, "Is he aware that he switched back to his language again? What did he say just then?"
Feleti translates the unknown portion, "He said, no."
Aleah insists, "He said more than that!"
Feleti offers more, "Well, he said that when a boy is born, the mother nurses the boy until the boy can carry a pole with one full bucket of water on each end. When a girl is born, the mother nurses the girl until the girl can carry a boy on her back. This is the only training the children must go through. But to answer your question, any boy who reaches the age of twelve, who has not won the bucket carrying contest, must leave the island, and promise never to return to either the men's or women's islands. Those 12-year-olds are considered weak, and usually become fisherman on some other island."
Aleah doesn't know why Malu has turned away, but trusts Feleti can perhaps still answer her question, "So, if their are a lot of girl babies born, combined with the fact that some weak 12-year-olds are banished from the islands, wouldn't that create a dilemma of sorts, if no boys were available to qualify to return to the men's island as a 'chosen one'?"
Malu turns back around, "If girl born, man still return to man island. Then oldest 'chosen one' on man island go to woman island. If girl born again, then next oldest 'chosen one'. Next and next …'til boy born."
Malu appears upset. He turns away again.
Aleah inquires, "What is wrong? Why does he keep turning away?"
Feleti explains, "Malu feels you are questioning things too much. Each of the islands have their own way of life. And they just accept things the way they are. Every country, every people, have their own culture, their customs, their traditions."
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Aleah explains, "It's just that my daughter is lost out here somewhere and I'm a bit tense and concerned about what kind of people she may be running into. But I already know what kind of people live on these islands. People that we care about. That's why we are doing missionary work here. I thank Malu for refocusing my attention back to the reason we are all here. And I'll try hard not to let my emotions get in the way."
Feleti offers one last bit of knowledge, "You have to learn the ways of the islands if you want to leave a good impression."
Aleah adds, "I want to leave more than a good impression. I want to leave them the truth."
Lorvin and Aleah take a private moment by themselves to pray, shedding more tears with their prayers.
Murray and Sweeney, on the other hand, find much interest in this cultural diversity. They listen as Feleti becomes an open history book to them, "Indonesia consists of between thirteen thousand and eighteen thousand islands, six thousand of which were for a long time uninhabited. But things changed at the beginning of the century, or millennium, as you would say. And some would say, organized crime began it's influx in a big way at this time. We would prefer to say ---organized labor, which in and of itself is a crime. Big business was the reason they terrorized our people and set up labor camps, putting even our young children to work, under the cruelest of conditions. That's when some of the people felt they had no choice but to move about, and even inhabited some islands previously known to be uninhabited."
While Murray is most fascinated by the description of the people and their beliefs, Sweeney has one main focus, "What about Komodo dragons?" He had heard mention of Komodo Island. He assumes it was named after the reptilian wonder.
Feleti continues his history lesson, "No people used to live on Komodo Island, but in the 1800s the King of Indonesia sent criminals to Komodo Island to punish them. Their descendents continued to live there. Then in 1980, the entire island was declared a National Park and the Komodo dragons were protected. That same decade, a large fire on Pador Island destroyed many Komodo dragons, and the surviving Komodos swam to neighboring islands. This greatly dwindled their numbers and also their habitation. But surprisingly this same thing happened again 30 years later on Komodo Island. Terrorists were responsible for destroying the National Park."
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This peaks both Murray's and Sweeney's interest, as Feleti continues, "But worse, they terrorized our mission effort. We were doing great work, especially with the Weyewa, Sumbanese, and Tanimbarese people. The terrorists destroyed our missionary establishments. We had to relocate in 2015, to another island. We had to rebuild our headquarters and our whole strategy. Some of the islands that we felt had great promise, fell back to their old beliefs. Some even regressed so far that we have been unable to reach them."
Sweeney is upbeat, "It can't be all that bad, can it? We all have to rid ourselves of old beliefs sometime or another throughout our lives."
Feleti is a bit more serious, "Well, nothing's impossible, but it is often unsuccessful. These people were also told that a great evil was coming to their island. They didn't know when, but they were told to heed the warning. And they were warned that the great evil would come if they heard the name of Jesus. They were told to guard themselves against any mention of Jesus. They were told they should do whatever is necessary … to flee from any sort of evil and rid themselves of those who would come with such a troublesome message."
Murray inquires, "They made the name of Jesus …as a curse?"
Sweeney confesses, "I have to admit that in a matter of speaking, which I should have in no way spoken, I did the same thing. My own country makes cursing common place, yet not out of fear, but rather of no account. Sadly, few so-called civilized people guard themselves against the misuse of the name of Jesus."
Lorvin continues to stand, staring across the waters. The island is still a good distance away, but it is coming into view. Malu joins Lorvin, but does not share in Lorvin's silence. Malu speaks the language in a rather choppy style, but he can be understood. He talks and talks …and talks. But Lorvin isn't listening.
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XXX
Moriah and Shannon had listened very carefully to Hola. But what choice did they have? Hola has them lost. They are uncertain whether it's intentional or not …whether Hola is lost also. But at this point it is rather irrelevant. What is relevant though, is the fact that Hola appears to be less confident than he had been.
Yes, Hola appears to be somewhat fearful himself. The only advantage appears to be that there is a feast of some sort going on. It appears not to be a celebration feast, but rather a feast of atonement. If there is one thing that Hola does know for sure, it is about eating. And he is very confident that he knows the difference between one feast and another.
They had arrived at the island before sunrise. There'd been no sign of life on the island ---until the earth shook. Then there was a great awakening, of much activity. They suddenly focused on gathering up foods and other specific items ---with what appeared to be preparations of an offering, to atone for their wrongdoings ---the apparent connection with the great quaking of the earth.
Hola had said that they might as well witness to the people as long as they are here. But what Moriah and Shannon are witnessing is perhaps a change of heart by Hola ---as they witness this great scurrying about of people.
Shannon is certain they would otherwise be seen ---if not for the intense focus of gathering together what appears to be preparations for a feast. The people are simply too distracted in their panicked state. And Shannon is very glad for the distraction.
At this time, a huge parade or caravan formation is quickly assembled. At the head of the parade is what Hola calls a sedan chair. Four people carry it on two long poles. The poles support a chair surrounded by curtains. Only once do they get a glimpse of a person behind the curtains, as the pole carriers pass too closely to a tree branch, catching the curtain and temporarily pulling it back. The parade proceeds along a ridge, the sedan chair with pole carriers in front, followed by the long line of those serving a purpose similar to pack mules …hunched over under the weight of their load.
Hola finds a path within the thicket below, following along the ridge above. Curiosity moves him, yet fear keeps him concealed within the path below. This path below is not a very frequently followed path, mostly overgrown with brush …yet Hola moves quickly, Shannon and Moriah with no option but to follow.
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Hola leads, careful not to allow the snapping of a branch to be heard, and sure not to allow one to snap back in the faces of Moriah and Shannon who follow closely on his heels.
Twice Shannon's hair snags on the thicket. It not only hurts, but the snapping of a twig draws Hola's attention as he looks back. She quickly tucks her hair under her baseball cap.
Hola attempts to keep pace with the sedan chair. He moves with ease through the bush. Moriah and Shannon are not so accustom to this. They manage to keep up, but don't know how much longer they'll be able to.
Suddenly the earth shakes again. Instinctively, they all freeze in their tracks. Hola, Moriah, and Shannon look up. Hola reacts quickly, stepping aside as a huge rock occupies the spot he once did.
One of the men carrying the pole of the sedan chair is too close to the edge of the ridge. He stumbles as another rock breaks loose. He slides over the edge of the ridge, desperately grasping for anything. He manages to grip a small shrub ---also attempting to hang-on to the rocky soil.
This all brings on a chain of events of earthshaking proportion. The unbalanced weight at the front of the sedan chair, created by the missing pole carrier, causes the other lead pole carrier to trip. The front drops, causing the poles to slide across the rocky path. The two rear pole carriers lower their end, attempting to level the ride …but one pole slides over the ridge's edge. The lead pole carrier who had tripped, tries to regain his position, lifting up on his side …which completely tips the sedan chair over.
Then the worst happens! Everyone on top of the ridge looks down, now discovering Hola, Moriah, and Shannon ---as their Chief tumbles out of the sedan chair and down the ridge, still caught within the curtains. And the Chief's frightening descent lands him right at Shannon's feet.
Shannon instinctively kneels beside him, moved by fear of the possible fatality of the event. Blood is streaked across the Chief's face, and matted throughout his long hair and beard.
While Shannon focuses her attention on the condition of the Chief, panic sets in for Hola and Moriah as they witness the natives quickly descending the ridge to their fallen leader. The imminent danger poses an uncertain outcome ---especially for Shannon, as they encircle her.
Shannon's eyes are shut, as she prays that the Chief's fall not be fatal. She is not even aware that the tribal men have now gathered around her. Hola and Moriah stand speechless, powerless to do anything, except to also pray …but with eyes as wide open as can be.
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A much smaller procession, of seven, stroll along the water's edge. Feleti hadn't shared his fears with the others. He had feared how they'd get close to the island. Now that they are on the island, the others stand in fear of the sudden earthquake. But, Feleti doesn't fear the quake ...he fears the quaking spirit of Malu that is evident to him, and that he seems to be holding something back.
Feleti's interest is in using Malu's familiarity with the islands to aid them in befriending the islanders. He takes Malu to the side to talk privately. He wants to ask Malu how he knows so much about these islands. If the islanders fear anyone getting near, in fear that any visitor may be the evil one, then how did Malu get near enough to learn all these things?
Malu had not intended it this way, but says he will be of no help to Feleti or the others. He admits to having a great personal fear of the islanders. But an even greater fear is that the others will find out why.
Feleti wants to know what it is that Malu is not telling him. If they are going to work together to find Hola, Moriah, and Shannon, then they can't afford keeping any secrets … as it may jeopardize their chance of a successful rescue effort.
Malu has one request, "You first agree not tell anyone."
Feleti honors that request, "Okay, I won't tell anyone. But you must tell me."
Malu lowers his voice. No one is in earshot, but he still whispers, "I one of twelve-year-olds, banished because of weakness."
As they now stroll down the beach, Feleti presents his suggestion to Murray and Sweeney, "We may have to give up Shannon's gift to gain their favor."
Murray has second thoughts, "Maybe I should have stayed with the ship. What if it isn't a friendly tribe?"
Feleti needs all the support he can get, and feels the heavy burden of response, "I don't really know. We missionaries have to face the fact that there's much we don't know, and we have to believe enough in what we are doing to take that chance."
Sweeney has a different perspective than his brother, "I'd rather take a chance with the natives here than to have to face Rebekkah if we don't find Shannon and deliver her the gift."
Suddenly, a group of natives come out of the thicket. The seven stand together as the natives walk within a few feet of them ---holding sticks, clubs, and spears.
Murray whispers, "They don't look too friendly!"
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Natives come out of the thicket at three more spots ---one group closing in from behind and two approaching on each remaining side.
Sweeney reconsiders, "I think Rebekkah would understand." He turns to Feleti, "I think we should offer Shannon's gift to their Chief. I would so much like to make peace with these wonderful people. Feleti, please tell me you can make them happy!"
Feleti hesitates, "I think I understand part of what they are saying, but each island is slightly different. I'd rather not consider the possibilities of what might happen if I say something wrong. Give me a little extra time to think about this."
Murray can't contain himself, "We might not have a little extra time. Malu, you like to shoot the breeze ---say something. Say anything! You're from around these parts, tell them this is a gift for their Chief."
Feleti nods his approval, and whispers to Malu, "Malu ...you must say something! You were a child when you left ...they won't recognize you."
Malu has fear in his eyes, "How I explain how I know how to speak language so well."
Feleti is a bit impatient, "You think too much ...now start talking!"
Malu isn't quite sure, "Okay, but what if never seen before? Maybe afraid of what you call ...horse. Could be reason for spears and clubs. But, you the boss!"
Malu talks so fast that it would be difficult to believe anyone could understand even a word he says. And he says so much that they are wondering what all he's saying. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to ask Malu to talk.
The circle suddenly widens, as the natives take a couple steps back. One native speaks what appears to be only five or six words.
Feleti, Kakau, Murray, Sweeney, Lorvin, and Aleah all look at Malu. But it is Lorvin who seems most eager to know, "Did you ask them if they've had any other recent visitors to the island?"
Malu is either a man of many words, or of few words, "No."
Feleti clarifies, "Malu told them we are friendly, that we mean no harm, and that we brought this gift for their Chief."
Lorvin doesn't understand, "Why are we giving them a gift? We are not certain whether Moriah and Shannon are even here."
Feleti asserts himself, as he has over the years in leadership, "We can't guarantee we will be here! When things get rough, we have to work with what we have. Besides, we can't go back on it now ---they've accepted our offer at this point. The one man said he'd get the Chief."
Several minutes go by. It seems like forever, but then the natives line up in two rows beside the thicket. And out of the thicket emerges a makeshift stretcher between two poles. The four men are carrying what appears to be a human body.
They step to the side, and set the body down. It's impossible to tell whether the body is alive or not ---or for how long, in either state. It is also impossible to predict whether the same outcome will befall them …as did the one left lying on the stretcher.
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Then out of the thicket comes a sedan chair covered with curtains, and carried by four men between two poles. The one native who said he'd get the Chief, takes the gift from Sweeney.
Sweeney hesitates to give it over, but Feleti is the one calling the shots, so he lets go.
Suddenly Shannon leaps from behind the curtain of the sedan chair. Hola steps out next, and says something to Shannon ---at which point she bursts with joy and wonderment, grabbing the reins of the Arabian horse.
Shannon is yet to see the newly arrived party of seven. Moriah pulls back the curtain of the sedan chair, standing above the rest, as a look-out from this grand vantage point.
Upon seeing their daughter above the crowd, Lorvin and Aleah race between the two rows of natives towards the sedan chair. Moriah doesn't immediately recognize them as they stride past Shannon and the horse.
Suddenly she sees who it is …and leaps from the sedan chair and into her Daddy's arms. The hug then extends itself to Aleah ---whose tears of joy and gratitude stream down her face.
Hola expects to be scolded severely by his brother ---who instead hugs him, saying nothing, the hug speaking for itself.
Shannon greets everyone with tears of joy, then attention is drawn to the most immediate concern. The man on the stretcher is in critical condition. He is in need of immediate care.
The ship has some medical supplies, but it's best he be treated at the hospital on the mission base island. Aleah is a well-trained nurse, and takes charge in that respect. She joins Murray and Sweeney in taking the injured man to the ship. Kakau also goes with them to help navigate back, and in case they need a translator along the way.
Feleti, Hola, Lorvin, Moriah, Shannon, and Malu all agree to stay on the island to carry out what already appeared to be in motion ---to bring God's Word and the message of Jesus to this island people. Murray and Sweeney pledge to return with supplies.
The natives look on with much interest as their visitors wave after saying goodbye and parting company. Even the natives pick up on it. They begin waving to the boat as it takes their old chief to the ship. They then turn, and begin waving to each other.
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Some of the islanders continue to wave, but most of them turn their attention to Shannon as she rides up and down the beach at the water's edge on her Arabian horse. And she waves too.
The warm breeze catches a wisp of her hair, gently whipping it away from her face. Shannon smiles. She will name her horse ---Breeze.
Malu agrees that it is a good name, though he pronounces it ...Bees. But the rest of the crew agree they are more interested in other things ...like finding out how Shannon came about being named their new "Chief".
Shannon isn't quite sure herself. But Malu is sure to find out. He has somehow overcome his fears, and he is talking up a storm with the islanders. It appears certain he will come up with the answer.
**********************
That evening, they gather together to come up with a plan ---a plan to present to these people ---the plan of salvation.
What Malu had shared with them would aid them in their plan. Malu had found out from the islanders how Shannon had become Chief. Apparently, when the Chief's time to die came, it was customary that whoever was closest when he could no longer stand …would become the new Chief. Apparently, the Chief was sick and was trying to let on that he wasn't. But they all knew that he was ...and were letting on too. They had planned the longer route to the mountain plateau because it was more rocky. They had hopes that the rocky ride would make the Chief sicker.
The pole bearers had been hopeful the Chief would fall out of the sedan chair at one of their feet. But as it was, the Chief fell down the ridge and landed at Shannon's feet. And as they had gathered around her, their pathway was clear. They had no choice, but to bow to Shannon …as their new Chief.
The islanders did not necessarily respect their custom, but they appeared to fear opposing it. That was a form of respect. They'd perhaps wished it another way, but they had no other choice. If they departed from their own customs, they'd be departing from that which they all respected. And new ideas may bring forth difference of opinion, then eventually the threat of division and lawlessness. That is what they had fled from, and no one seemed to want to risk returning to that.
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The pole bearers had admitted this to Malu ---which was a good sign. Confession of wrongdoing is an integral part in the salvation message. This seems to hold true for most cultures. If they are open to admitting they've been tempted to oppose their own rules, then they've indicated they understand the importance of doing what is right. Then if they're told their right is actually wrong, they can continue on with learning to understand what is truly right.
Feleti cautions the group. They will follow the New Tribes approach of teaching, but they will hold off longer in mentioning the name of Jesus. The terrorist groups had taught to guard against anyone who would mention Jesus ---and this island group had probably heeded the warning, even though it appears they had possibly fled the main areas where terrorist activity had gotten a foothold, establishing its strongholds.
There is hope. The rumor is that this island group and culture had only established itself a little more than a generation ago. It is believed that these two islands ---this one which the men occupied and the other one which the women occupied ---had been previously uninhabited by humans. But that all had changed when the terrorists destroyed Komodo Island. The natives and the Komodos had both left for …apparently these two islands.
Malu does not like Komodo dragons ---no one he knows does, but his fear of them is way beyond most ---based in a childhood fear. There is no present evidence of Komodo dragons, but he is certain to ask, "Wh-wh-a-whe-r-e, where are Komodos?"
He suddenly realizes it, and has to repeat the question in their language.
They inform Malu that the Komodos are confined to the South half of the men's island. The women had successfully herded them off their island by using fire, and those Komodos also swam to the South half of the men's island ...where they reportedly flourished. No doubt, the islanders fed them so well! Malu also is told that the Komodos are considered the guardians of the mountain, the guardians of the 'Man in the mountain'.
The men's island is divided in two by a deep canyon. The older men remember when the two halves of the island split in the mountains. It would've divided further, but the Chief returned the 'Man in the mountain' to his rightful place in the mountain, and peace was restored.
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Feleti suggests to the missionary group that they not attempt to discourage them from their native practice of taking food to the mountains. "Our goal is not to offend their beliefs. In time, they will replace their beliefs with the truth."
Feleti tells Hola that he can lead the teaching, since he came here for that purpose. Feleti anticipates the teaching may go smoother than in many other areas. The language of this island is not that much different. And Malu can aid greatly in any translation barriers, since he appears to understand significantly more than anyone else. Feleti does not tell why. He will respect Malu's request that no one know.
So, it is settled. As their new Chief, Shannon will direct the islanders to listen and learn. They will watch Hola teach, and listen to Malu translate. At Shannon's direction, they will hear, and learn the message of salvation.
Meanwhile, they will join the islanders as they continue to feed the Komodos ---which they refer to as 'guardians of the mountain'. And they will continue to prepare also for the 'Man in the mountain', who obviously is their god.
Feleti stresses his point over and over, "We should not set out to offend their belief system, but to guide them in truth. That will allow them to choose their own readiness to replace each of their beliefs with the truth."
The others agree. Establish respect first. That will aid in a greater depth of attentiveness, and a commitment to learning.
As Shannon joins them at the mountain plateau to feed the Komodos, she makes her announcement, "This will be the area we will do the teaching."
Malu wishes this would have been one of the things discussed in advance. He whispers to Feleti, "Have to teach in area where Komodos are?"
Feleti whispers back his response, "Announce it to the people as she has requested. In order to dispel their superstitions, we must stand courageous before their fears. We must together witness the emptiness of their demigods and their gods. And you must understand the great opportunity this provides to bond with their people, without caving-in to their beliefs."
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*********************
Shannon directs them to take the shortcut, not the rocky ridge. And she chooses not to ride in the sedan chair. "No more sedan chair …no wait!"
Malu is about to translate that, but Shannon changes her mind. She will keep the sedan chair, but she will not ride in it. The Bible and the teaching materials will occupy that sacred and respected place behind the curtains.
Shannon chooses instead to ride her horse. It is a rather easy ride from the northwest corner of the island, instead of the rocky route along the ridge at the northeast. It's an easy and enjoyable ride through the foothills. Then the elevation changes more significantly. There are challenging spots, yet not unmanageable for Breeze.
It is difficult to appear humble ---riding aloft and not to appear aloof, as she lets her horse gallop ahead at times. Any horse would amaze a people who had never seen a horse before. But Shannon had seen and read about enough horses to know this one stands above the rest. This black Arabian is a combination of strength and beauty ---with its muscular lines and unchallenging confidence. Her horse ascends the mountain like it's nothing ---it's simply a breeze.
Lorvin is a student of geology ---from a Christian perspective. The land being the teacher ---and of course, the Bible. Lorvin judges this island to be very unstable. By the looks of the land, there had been much volcanic and earthquake activity which brought the island to its present condition.
At its highest point, the ridge juts out, creating the narrowest point of the canyon. Breeze stops under a large tree, gracing the point, a plateau stretching out on the other side of the canyon, only fifty feet away at this point.
When the others finally reach their destination, they join Shannon for the breath-taking view. It is also a great vantage point. You can see the entire island from here, and anyone who may be approaching the island by sea. No one should be able to approach the island without detection. And the women's island can just barely be seen from here also. Malu points it out, as the islanders point it out to him.
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The islanders call to the 'guardians of the mountain'.
They take their turns at the point. A rope is tied to the handle of each large basket, and the other end tied around their waist. The natives begin to twirl the huge basket of food below their waist. They begin twirling low and extend the circle to over their head. Then they release the basket from their hand like the hammer throw of track and field events …except for the rope part. If they don't release it just right, the food won't leave the basket, and the weight of it may propel them into the canyon as extra Komodo treats.
Malu steps back. Even from his safe distance, he doesn't want to see the Komodos, as they come for their food. The others step forward to see if they can see the Komodos. But they step back again as the fourth person begins twirling his basket. This time the rope is released, basket and all clearing the canyon.
The missionary group is confused as they watch the fifth, sixth, and seventh baskets clear the canyon and land on the plateau. Then to their surprise, natives run out from behind some rocks, and begin devouring the baskets of food that had landed on the plateau.
Malu quickly tries to clear up the misunderstanding. Apparently, there are various levels of 'guardians of the mountain'. The Komodos are one level …and these natives, seemingly trapped on the plateau and eager for food, are another level of 'guardians'.
At this point, the question curiously becomes, whether the 'Man in the mountain' is actually, 'Men in the mountain'. But Malu quickly asks and clears that one up too. There is only one 'Man in the mountain'.
Feleti assumes that the sole 'Man in the mountain' is a chief of sorts. Shannon is the Chief of the lowlands and they probably had a designated 'Man' of the mountains.
Shannon observes for a moment as the natives devour the food on the plateau. But she is more interested in the Komodos. She had never seen a Komodo dragon before. She grabs a tree branch to steady herself near the edge of the cliff, peering down into the canyon. She does not look long though. It is not a pretty sight. She can understand Malu's feelings about it.
Shannon steps back by Malu. She remembers that she had packed Cody Komodo. She takes him out of the small purse attached to her belt. She thinks of Leah. Her sister certainly wouldn't have had such kindly affection to Cody if she had first seen the real Komodos. Shannon thinks of Mom, Josiah, and Samuel too. She misses them all.
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Shannon steps towards the empty baskets. She is overcome by such a foul smell.
Malu laughs at seeing her facial expression. He explains that the baskets hold two different types of food. Half of the baskets are prepared for the natives on the plateau. The other baskets, Malu very descriptively explains, "Komodo food. Gather all rotting carcasses can find along shore."
Shannon interrupts, "Okay, you can stop now. Or my lunch will have to be added to their menu."
Malu is prompted to ask his next question, "How islanders, guardians, get on plateau?"
The one man in charge of the food baskets, Siaosi, laughs. Then Siaosi speaks to the others ---and they laugh together. Siaosi then calls out several times, "Tevita, Tevita, Tevita."
A young man with the brightest smile and near perfect teeth, steps from the back of the group. Siaosi and the young man converse privately by the large tree, then the young man begins to climb the tree.
The young man, Tevita, climbs three-quarters of the way up the tree, then crawls out on a limb. He appears to have a rope in his hands. Suddenly, he springs from the branch like a frog off a log. The rope carries him swinging beyond the cliff, out over the canyon. At its furthest point, he lets go of the rope, does a backward flip through the air and lands on a heap of something.
Malu translates, "Dried grass."
The question then becomes ---how does the young man, Tevita, or any of the others get back if they choose to do so?
As Malu prepares to speak, the natives begin to laugh again.
Lorvin smiles, "It appears that smiles and laughter are a universal language, but what one laughs at can vary greatly. What are they laughing at this time?"
Malu translates, "Think funny how you think they not know how do things."
This time Siaosi climbs up the tree. He pulls the end of the rope back up with him and appears to be fastening it to something. With a large kick from one of his legs, a large timber moves out away from the tree trunk, falling straight towards the plateau.
Lorvin is amazed, "I'd have to see it again to see precisely how he did that."
Feleti joins the inspection, "Two timbers tied together with one end tied down at the base of this tree and the rope tied precisely at the right spot, with just the right firmness of slip-knot to guide the timber out, but not allowing the rope to break and not allowing the timbers to fall too hard onto the plateau. Seems easy, but I still could not do it and don't know how they did it."
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Lorvin realizes the island people have engineering skills and athletic abilities that far exceed what anyone might expect. They are out of his league, yet Lorvin feels compelled to say something, "Two timbers tied together, so it doesn't roll, creating a sturdy little bridge ...simply amazing!"
Shannon doesn't say anything, though she too is amazed. She had seen people do some amazing things in gymnastics, and she had seen the expertise of tree trimmers back home in Michigan. But these natives, usually considered uncivilized, had obviously trained themselves in these skills.
Tevita walks confidently across the timbers, crossing back over the canyon. He retrieves the rope, walks about three-quarters of the way back out, ties the rope securely around the timbers, then returns to the tree. Tevita climbs the tree, joining Siaosi. Together, the two of them pull the rope back, retrieving the timbers to their original position against the tree.
Shannon has Malu ask them why the others remain on the plateau?
Malu reports, "Because 'guardians of mountain' ....take care of 'Man in mountain'."
Shannon shares her idea with Feleti, Lorvin, Moriah, and Hola, "I was going to teach on this side, under the shade of the tree, but now I want to have the teaching over there on the plateau. Shouldn't they hear the salvation message too?"
They all agree. But will the natives agree?
Shannon asks Malu to ask, "Am I the Chief of the guardians also?"
Malu translates back, "Yes."
Shannon smiles at Malu, "Well, tell them I want to teach them on that plateau over there. But tell them I want to cross on a bridge which is strong enough and wide enough for my horse to cross on. Ask them how long it will take to build such a bridge."
Malu shares Shannon's request with Siaosi and Tevita.
Siaosi smiles, saying something to Tevita. They each raise their right hands …then they high-five each other.
Malu asks, then reports back, "Three days to build bridge. But for Chief Shannon ---two days. And bridge be strong as ten horses."
**********
The bridge is done in two days, but Shannon waits until early on the third to lead the caravan of people, with more food, up the mountain.
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Shannon dismounts her horse as they reach the point. She sends the sedan chair with the teaching materials over first. Then as soon as the sedan chair crosses the new bridge, safely over to the plateau, she leads her horse over. The others then follow.
Hola leads the teaching. Feleti keeps his word, stating that Hola had come to the island to teach and teach he shall.
Feleti's only caution for them is to not mention the name of Jesus until the end, when they are fully prepared to accept it.
Hola uses Shannon and Moriah to assist him with the materials and the presentation. Malu still has the crucial part of translating, so they can understand.
Hola begins teaching about Adam and Eve. He describes the garden, sort of like an island on land. They are the only two in that garden. And God gives them everything they need …but they want what God says isn't theirs to have.
Hola teaches the New Tribes Mission approach, with their guidelines of teaching the Bible in chronological order. And each time, Hola's words are translated by Malu.
They listen with much interest as Abraham and Isaac go up the mountain. And they are thankful for the provision of the ram in the thicket. They also feel Esau is not deserving of the blessing that Jacob receives. And they agree that Jacob's sons do not know how to get along. They feel sorry for Joseph when his brothers sell him into slavery. And they feel sorry for Jacob when he is told that his son is dead. They really like Joseph's character. They think it is really good how Joseph forgives his brothers.
The most significant impact though, begins with the teaching of Moses. Hola can tell the tension written across their faces ---the unconfessed guilt they have inside.
Hola continues to teach how Pharaoh gives the order to kill the babies, but Moses is saved in a basket at the river. Hola had consulted with his brother, Feleti, about his strategy. The natives had already admitted that their hopes to become Chief ---had led them to take the long route up the mountain. Hola plans to show how God chooses who He wants, and puts them in place to become the leader.
Hola sees the concern build. He sees the fear move across their faces as he tells of God's plan …how God sent His own Son.
One of the natives, named Fangatua, seems to have a deep internal struggle going on, as Malu translates, "Why God want send His Son?"
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Hola continues the question, "Yes. Why would God's Son, having all the comforts of being God, give up being with His Father? Why would God's Son sacrifice all that comfort to come to earth to live within the burden of all that sin ---the sin that each of us who lives here, would put upon Him?"
Hola listens to the intensified whispering among the natives. He believes this is good. Hola continues his point, "The leader at this time is Herod. When he hears that a baby is born and this baby is to become a leader of the people, Herod wants to kill the baby. Herod is not living the way he should be, and he is enjoying life in a way he should not be. So Herod does not want a new leader to be born to lead them in a different way ---in the correct way. Herod knows he is guilty the way he lives, but he doesn't want any new leader to show the people how wrong he is."
Hola has so many things he wants to say, but he tries to stick to the outline which the teaching team had prior agreed upon, "Herod didn't know which baby was to be the new leader, so he has all the babies killed."
At this, Fangatua speaks out.
Malu translates, "That really stupid! Why he think he get away with killing God's Son? God be very angry ...no?"
Hola had waited for this emotion, "Herod was not able to kill God's Son at this time. But it still made God angry. God's purpose is for all life to continue for ---forever. God doesn't like killing."
Feleti nods. It is time to tell them.
Hola continues, "God is not to be looked upon as always being angry. He is a loving God who wants us to live a good life. He gets angry when someone tries to take that away. God's anger is towards people like Herod who try to kill anyone who brings the truth. God's anger is also towards all the people who try to stop the hearing of the message of His truth. Each of those babies killed when God's Son was born, had they not been killed, could have later heard the message of truth. And each of them could have grown up to share it with others. God's anger is against anyone who tries to kill the truth."
Hola is going to tell them right now, but somehow he just can't bring himself to do it. He wants them to really want to hear the truth. He wants them to love this person ---the way he loves this person.
He describes a little more about this person ---this Son of God, "I told you that God's Son did not die when all those other babies died. God's Son became a boy. When he was a boy, he sat just like you are sitting. He listened and he obeyed. Then he became a man ---and he told the people the truth on how to live. Some listened and some didn't. Some listened and believed. They found their sadness, turned to joy. But some who listened didn't believe. They got angry."
Fangatua is joined by others, expressing much emotion.
Malu translates, "Why get angry?"
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Hola explains, "They didn't want to hear of God's Son healing the sick and causing the blind to see. They didn't really see it as a benefit to them. All they could see is that they'd have to change the way they lived. And they didn't want to change. They didn't want to hear of the joy others had ---the joy of having more than their health, but also joy in their hearts. They didn't look to what others were gaining, but to what they'd lose. They looked to get rid of God's Son ---the only way they could see to keep what they had."
Hola raises his voice to emphasize the point, "They thought if they killed God's Son ---any memory of him could be hidden and forgotten. So that's what they did. They killed God's Son. They killed the One who God sent to show them the way to live. They tried to kill the truth of this One ---God's very Son. And they tried to kill many who had received the truth ---those who stood as a light to the truth ---to give life in a dead world. But God's Son is the Way, the Truth, and the Life."
A young man named, Mouk, speaks up with great concern. His words are translated back with equal emotion, "But not able to kill the truth. You bringing us truth today."
Hola feels the time is now right, "You are right. They couldn't kill the memory of Him. The truth could not be hidden. But they felt they could make the truth as if it were a lie. And they are still attempting to do that today. They would tell you that if you ever hear this ---that it is a lie."
Mouk seems to hold a burden he desperately wants to release. Others join him and repeat in agreement. Malu tells of their conviction, "But when hear lies about God's Son, we not believe lies."
For the first time, Hola drops his head, looking away from them. Then he looks right at Mouk. Hola appears to look right through him, "You already have believed their lies about God's Son. The truth is that God's Son was given the name Jesus. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life."
The group becomes very silent. Hola knows that the people have been told not to listen to anyone who mentions the Name of Jesus.
Mouk approaches Malu, Feleti, and Hola. He looks into Hola's eyes, then begins to pace back and forth in front of them, mumbling to himself. He then looks over at Moriah and Shannon.
Suddenly, Mouk blurts out, translated by Malu with intense emotion, "Told of how all had hopes of becoming new Chief, but that not all. Our wrong thoughts grew. We welcomed sickness of Chief, we welcomed his death. But that not all. Also welcomed death of ones appointed as guardians over us, own chosen ones ---because we then go to women's island ---where all burials take place."
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Hola listens intently. Malu had shared with them of the belief that when the dead were buried, the woman ---chosen through her victory in the contest ---would spend her days near the gravesite, gaining a new life inside her, generated from out of the grave.
This whole discourse, like every other communication, has to be spoken in fragments, being repeated back from the island language to the language that the teachers can understand. Hola congratulates Malu, "It's amazing how much you've improved on your language. I didn't know how well this would work, but you are doing quite well."
The excitement builds as Mouk talks faster and the translator, Malu, also speaks faster, "That not all. One more thing …some of us, found plant, causing severe stomach pain, gave leaves of bad plant to woman ---so she lose child."
How horrible! The question "why" is on the mind of each of the teachers. They are not quick to recall the island traditions.
The answer refreshes their memory, "That way we stay longer on women's island. Had to stay 'til child born."
Tears gather in Mouk's eyes. It is difficult for him to speak. Tears also gather in Malu's eyes, as he translates, "Mouk say he no better than Herod. He help kill babies. And same babies, if lived, been here today, hearing truth."
Upon hearing the very emotional confessions, Lorvin, Moriah, Shannon, Feleti, Malu ---and even Hola, characteristically very reserved, begin to shed tears ---joining Mouk's freeing moment from the bonds of sin.
The extent of the tribe's sin had been far from being realized. Sin has the tendency to heap upon itself ---which is the nature of unchecked sin. So instead of what we would think would be the natural inclination to confess it, actually does not lend itself towards that direction at all. Sin that is unconfessed, not only grows outwardly, but also tightens its grip within us ---on every little sin that enjoins its authority upon us. But confession changes the authority ---freeing us, with a quickness, from the tight grip which we could not free ourselves from. The young man, Mouk, couldn't have realized this, but he experienced it. It came out all at once.
God had touched Mouk's heart because of his willingness to listen. At this moment, the confessions flow out of him. And it touches the hearts of others ---and they confess also.
For Lorvin, Moriah, and Shannon ---it means something more. If tears were to fill an ocean, between these islands and the continent they are accustom to calling 'home' …tears enough cannot be shed.
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Here on the islands, these natives had just acknowledged losing an unborn child ---no different than losing a child. To them it was unquestionably a child. There is no hiding the truth. They were there when the woman hemorrhaged ---pretending to comfort her, when in reality, they had caused it.
They had seen the graphic details. Nothing hid the fact that it was a real child. The only fact that was hidden, was what caused the horrible death of the child ---which the women cried for days over.
Mouk confesses that the cause was that same spirit that caused Herod to put all those babies to death. It was the horrible sin of selfishness, not willing to change. It was the same horrible spirit that brought the people to crucifying Jesus on a cruel cross.
Lorvin and Moriah hug each other. This is what they had learned in their brief mission training. It was an experience, unmatched by any other on earth. Tears of joy and love for these people, mix with the tears of renewed and increased levels of appreciation and gratitude for what God did in sending His Son …what His Son did ---in dying on the cross.
As the natives continue to confess their horrible practices, the teachers do not let what they are hearing to generate any feelings of anger against a people who need to be judged for the horrible things they've done. It is the wonderful thing that Jesus did ---dying on the cross, sacrificing His life so we can have the truth ---so we can be forgiven, and so we can be free. As Jesus said on the cross, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do."
You can see their sincerity. It is quite certain they will stop their horrible practices. All they have to be told now is the truth of Jesus' death on the cross as a sacrifice for their sins. And by grasping onto that truth, holding onto the awesome love that grants us forgiveness through Jesus, they can be assured they are forgiven. And they can experience the joys of living the way God has set as a standard for us.
Hola shares these last truths with them, and they begin hugging each other, and then group hugs which bring them to dancing up and down in a circle. The circle grows into a huge group hug. They no longer fear that God will destroy them for what they've done. God forgives them. They now believe, and the torment is gone. The freeing of the burden of guilt and sin becomes so real, there is no experience that comes close to describing it.
Shannon, Moriah, and Lorvin share a big hug with each other. Why is this so difficult for their own country to grasp? The most advanced nation on earth, bursting with knowledge, yet not bursting with the joy of Jesus. So simple ---that the most advanced cannot grasp it?
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Something is still bothering Shannon. She can definitely grasp all the truth. She had cried in sorrow when the islanders had confessed about the unborn babies. She had cried intensely then. She had tears each time there was a vivid description of how Jesus died on the cross for us. But there are no tears now. She wants the tears to come ---she begins to cry because the tears won't come. Then more tears come through mere frustration. Like the others, Shannon's face is ridden with tears, but not the same kind of tears. The others have tears of joy for one another ---hers are tears of frustration, locked up within herself.
Shannon gets a glimmer of understanding. Maybe that's why she had judged Stan for not crying ---because of her own problem. Poor Stan had to endure a worse childhood than she had. He probably had the same kind of emotions locked inside. But that did not take away anything from Stan. The good feelings were still there ---coming out in the most wonderful way. He is gentle, sensitive, and caring ---he just doesn't cry. But his lack of tears never seems to affect his wonderful sensitivity. Stan will certainly make Leah happy ...and Shannon is happy for her sister.
Shannon feels her oversensitivity sometimes gets in the way, blocking her sensitivity. And she feels guilty because she is crying for herself, not in joy for the others.
She had been disappointed with her first trip out here to the mission field. Now, this second time she thought it would be different ---and it is. Just not the way she wants.
She had seen how God used her for His purpose. She was a vital part of God's plan ---becoming Chief, as the first step in leading the islanders. But that was all God's doing. She had done nothing herself. She still feels she is missing what the others have. She wants the joy. She wants the inner-driven purpose and focus ---and the intensity of it.
Shannon feels guilt again. She should be satisfied with just being used by God, but she wants to do 'her thing' ---maybe not so much even her thing, but ---her part. She definitely had a big part in all of this, at least at the start. But now she feels isolated from the rest …lacking in the joy of celebration.
That must have been how Hola had felt. It was wrong what Hola had done ---extremely wrong. The end does not justify the means. But even Hola realizes he is justified in another sense ---justified through Christ, his Lord, Jesus. And Hola has found the joy. Through this island adventure, he has found the joy Shannon is still looking to experience.
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Shannon has held back her emotions her whole life. She doesn't really trust her emotions. What would it take? She trusts God ---so why not just act on what she knows is right ---and let the emotions fall into place afterwards?
Shannon pictures in her mind ---the job of a firefighter. They put all fear aside, and just act like they know they have to. And when they save a life, no one questions on whether they are crying or not. Most of the time we don't know the person who performs the heroics. And the one who is saved seldom knows the person who saves them ---but they are grateful. The firefighters seldom sit at the person's table to eat, nor are they invited over for holidays ---but instead, they go back out to risk their lives in saving others. And it is doubtful that they sit around talking about the lives they save, any more than they'd talk about the lives lost. They just do their job. It's too scary, too painful, and much too unproductive to sit around and dwell on it. When their moment comes, they know it's their moment. And they respond, without hesitation …risking their lives.
Shannon doubts it will ever become her moment. And even now, just thinking about it ---it appears prideful ---wanting to be a hero. No true firefighter would hope for there to be a fire, so they could perform heroics. They'd rather there never be any fires. They'd prefer there be no lives to save. But as Shannon sees it, everyone needs to be saved ---saved from eternal death. And we need to accept Jesus' ready and awaiting rescue.
There is nothing in life of more significance. But as the islanders jump up and down for joy, Shannon still feels it is not her joy. She wants to tell herself differently, but she has to be honest with herself ---she doesn't feel like she is a part of all this.
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XXXI
The islanders are so busy with their eyes upon Jesus, they don't keep a vigilant watch out to sea. But it doesn't matter. They can see a new direction. And they are eager to visit the women's island ---to share the truth with them.
Shannon rides ahead on her horse as they parade down the mountain trail in joyful dance. As the path breaks to the open beach, a surprise awaits them. Murray and Sweeney have returned. With their celebratory festivities, they hadn't even seen them coming.
The bigger surprise awaits Moriah. Mom is eager to give her a big hug. But she is not the only one eager to see her. Lorvin's two sisters and his brother join the happy hugging party.
As they all hug and begin to tell their stories, Shannon focuses on that which comes more natural to her ---that which carries burdens and sorrow. She approaches Sweeney, "How is the old Chief doing?"
Shannon had witnessed how God had worked salvation to this island people ---through the passing on of the chieftain status. But Shannon is not primarily concerned with the status. Her concern is more for the person ---and her prayer is that he has not passed on.
Sweeney doesn't know what is going on, but he can at least sense that something more is going on with Shannon, "The old Chief was not doing well when I left him. The mission hospital is a good hospital, but they can not do miracles ...they can only pray for one. Old Chief has the island sickness, as some call it. They are not sure what brings it on, but only one in a hundred make it through."
Malu passes the message on. Many of the islanders had thought they'd witnessed their old Chief die. But they are happy to hear he hasn't died, and that he has a chance to live. The islanders ask Malu to help them pray for their old Chief.
Shannon and the others are very touched by the immediate concern of the islanders. They join hands with the islanders, and lead them in their first prayer.
Later that evening, Shannon inquires more about the island sickness, "Is it contagious?"
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Lorvin is very familiar with the sickness, "Very much so. The islanders call it, white man's sickness. The islanders never get it. But it has wiped out more than a few of our missions. They used to call it missionary dysentery because of the initial symptoms, but they've found this variation to be tragically different …though many still refer to it as missionary dysentery."
The next morning, plans are being made for the missionary group to depart. Shannon is grooming her horse when one of the islanders, Uata, approaches with a crudely built wooden box.
Malu steps between Uata and Shannon. From the tone of each of their voices and the expressions on their faces, you can tell this is serious talk.
Malu had been told that Uata was the oldest of their tribe. He also was the most resistant to change. Not all the islanders readily accepted the salvation message. There is a small group, led by Uata, who had heard the message, but are hesitant to accept it. Uata likes the old traditions. He is an old warrior. And he is known to fight for what he believes in.
There is quite an intense exchange of words, then Malu steps aside.
Uata steps forward, and hands Shannon the wooden box.
Malu explains, "Uata say this Old Chief's box. Box supposed to pass on new Chief, but Uata say he know you not believe in sacred box. Uata say you give box to Old Chief ---maybe it help him feel better. Maybe box help heal him, and he can become Chief again."
Shannon needs encouragement at this time, not this. She not only feels she isn't a part of the joy that most of the islanders are feeling, now she is associated with this recently revealed division of thought. They are looking for answers, but she can't just jump right in and provide what they were looking for. She has too many questions herself. She can't rise to this occasion either. It definitely is not her moment!
Shannon turns to Hola, who is standing nearby, "Why are some of the people still burdened? What did we fail to teach them?"
Hola puts a comforting hand on Shannon's shoulder as he stands beside her, "Uata is the keeper of sacred things. The box he has just given you contains some things, Malu has told me, that are very much the foundation of what they believe. They want to believe all we have taught them, but they are not ready to walk away from all the things they have believed in. Abandoning all their old beliefs, to some of them, would be equivalent to denying their own sanity."
Shannon is confused, "What do you mean, denying their own sanity?"
Hola points to Uata, kneeling on the ground, facing away from them. It appears to Shannon that Uata is praying. Hola steps in front of Shannon, "I've been wanting to look inside this box."
Shannon steps back, "Now that would be insane! If they believe so strongly that this is a sacred box, why would I chance letting you open it?"
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Shannon has many questions, "I still don't understand how abandoning their old beliefs would be challenging their sanity. What we've taught them should lighten their burden …while keeping the old beliefs must be a daily struggle. You heard their confessions. They knew they were doing wrong. If I tried to live in denial ---that would challenge my sanity."
Hola steps back, assuring Shannon that he won't touch the box, "Now, answer me this ---would a sane person believe there is a 'Man in the mountain'?"
Shannon attempts to choose her words carefully, "I get what you are saying. There are many beliefs that people have that they don't know are wrong. Like the 'Man in the mountain'. Sometimes it takes a while to replace the old beliefs with the new. But I like the way you handled the teaching. Once you began teaching the truth about God, the 'Man in the mountain' never made an appearance. I would say that made a rather convincing statement in itself."
Hola appears to summarize the thinking, "So, you do know why the 'Man in the mountain' appeared to take a leave of absence?"
Shannon also summarizes, "The old beliefs were replaced by the truth, and the truth is …there is no 'Man in the mountain'."
Hola looks over at Uata, who is still kneeling on the sand, "Perhaps some believe that the 'Man in the mountain' was sick. You know, the entire time I was teaching, we never fed him."
Shannon is confused, "Is that what they told you?"
Hola looks into Shannon's eyes, "Malu tells me that Uata has shown him."
Shannon is surprised with what Hola is saying. She thought Malu believed the same as they did. "Uata has shown Malu what?"
Hola is serious, "Malu has seen pictures of the 'Man in the mountain'. Uata told Malu that the 'Man in the mountain' had tried to escape, but the Old Chief caught him, and had him sent back to the mountain."
Shannon suddenly realizes, "Oh, pictures ---you mean, things like rock carvings and drawings?"
Hola is very direct, "No, I mean ---photographs! Inside the sacred box. Malu said he saw photographs of the 'Man in the mountain'. Now I know there is no man-God living in the mountain, but I'm saying that it seems there is a man up there that they believe is a friend of God. He had apparently tried to escape, but the Old Chief returned him so God wouldn't get angry. They say that ever since they had returned God's friend, the mountain has not shook ---until just before we came to the island."
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A horrible thought comes to mind. Shannon had heard of how certain tribes had treated missionaries who had tried to bring them the Gospel of Jesus. Some tribes had gone so far as sacrificing missionary persons in a volcano. She has a bad feeling about this. Perhaps a missionary person had come to the island. Perhaps he had referred to himself as a 'friend of God'.
Shannon doesn't want to consider this horrible thought any further, but the thought feeds itself. What if they sent the missionary to the mountain, waiting for the mountain to take him?
The mountain had shown some recent instability. That was perhaps in Shannon's favor, choosing the mountain plateau as the location to teach, showing no fear. But fear grips her now. What if there is a fellow missionary up in that mountain?
Could their teaching have been responsible for the man's death? He could have been injured and in need of care, but they had felt no need to concern themselves with false beliefs about a 'Man in the mountain'. They had stopped feeding him. And this was all under the direction of Shannon. After all, she was the new Chief.
Suddenly, Shannon wants to open the sacred box too. But Uata had asked her to give it to the Old Chief. She doesn't want to offend him. She holds the sacred box in her hands. Uata is still kneeling on the sand, facing away from her.
Slowly and cautiously, Shannon approaches Uata. She doesn't want to disturb him if he's praying.
Hola and Malu are at Shannon's side as she moves slowly around in front of Uata. Shannon is surprised to see that Uata is not praying. He has a deck of playing cards spread out on the sand in front of him.
Shannon doesn't say anything ---perhaps this is a strange sort of ritual, and she doesn't want to disturb him. The old tattered playing cards could be further evidence that a missionary had come to the island. But even that would seem odd. Why would the missionary even have a deck of cards? You'd think they'd have plenty to do. You'd think they wouldn't be so bored that they'd resort to playing ---Solitaire? Uata is playing Solitaire!
Suddenly, the earth shakes! It startles Shannon. And she drops the sacred box on the ground, right in front of Uata. She doesn't want to offend Uata's sacred traditions. But she has just dropped the sacred box. What should she do?
Shannon does the only thing she can think to do. She kneels down on the sand beside Uata, frantically picking up all the contents, returning them to that claimed sacred box.
Suddenly, Shannon sees the photograph! And suddenly, she now realizes it's her time to act.
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It is her moment! As a firefighter springs into action without a second thought, Shannon leaps upon Breeze. Within seconds, they reach full stride ---heading for the mountain trail.
Hola stands there for a second or two, looking at the contents of the box, strewn across the sand. Several old decks of playing cards, an old tattered zip-lock bag ---with photographs, and an old camera.
Hola grabs Malu by the arm, "I hope Shannon is not trying to be a hero ---like I wanted to be when I came to this island. We need to get the others, and go after Shannon. She may be in a heap of danger."
But Hola and Malu don't need to get the others. After the quake, Lorvin comments to some of the others, "It's a good thing we finished teaching when we did. With these earthquakes, that plateau would not be the place I would want to be."
But as soon as he says that, he sees Shannon leap upon her horse, and take to the mountain trail.
Lorvin calls out frantically to Shannon, but only his own echo returns.
The men ---starting with Lorvin, Christian, Murray, and Sweeney ---begin to chase after Shannon, on foot. Feleti, Hola, and Malu run quickly behind, soon passing them. They understand their common purpose. They will in no ways be able to catch the horse, but if Shannon does get injured, they will at least be able to arrive as eventual help.
The rest of the islanders join the pursuit as well ---creating a scene that looks much like a marathon event ---up the mountain trail.
Only the four women remain on the beach. They quickly find their common purpose. They kneel together on the sand ---and pray. Prayer can serve as immediate help. They don't understand the purpose of why Shannon took off so quickly, but they pray that God will protect her.
Hola has a hunch, but no one knows for sure why Shannon took off so spontaneously, and so irrationally.
Her horse doesn't understand either, but nevertheless Breeze responds to her urgency. Breeze only understands that Shannon wants him to go quickly ---and that is enough for Breeze.
Never before has Breeze gone more swiftly. Breeze doesn't even seem to be affected by the uphill climb. It is almost as if he were running on a race track.
Breeze reaches the bridge to the plateau just as the earth shakes again. Shannon sees that the bridge had shaken to the edge ---a couple inches more, and it will fall deep into the canyon. But Breeze is ridden with purpose, not fear of danger.
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Without hesitation, they ride swiftly over the bridge to the plateau. Shannon dismounts Breeze at the far end of the plateau. She cries out her own prayer. She doesn't know what to do at this point. But she knows she needs God's guidance.
Suddenly, Shannon hears a noise behind her. At first it startles her, but as she turns, she realizes it's Breeze.
Breeze is rearing up on his hind legs, beating his hoofs to the hard rock. Shannon expects that maybe there is a snake or other animal, hopefully not a Komodo dragon.
Shannon offers a calming hand. Breeze stops rearing and settles down. She doesn't see any snake ---or any reason why Breeze was acting that way. Maybe he could feel another earth tremor. Maybe it's best they both get out of here before the bridge slides into the canyon.
Breeze gently puts his nose forward. Then she sees it! There it is!
At the end of Breeze's extended nose, at Shannon's eye level, is a small tunnel. The space appears just big enough for Shannon to crawl through on her hands and knees. And she can see light at the end of the tunnel.
She doesn't know what is on the other end of the tunnel. Maybe this tunnel hadn't even existed before. Maybe it had been created by the last succession of earthquakes. Passing through this tunnel may reveal an entirely different world …one filled with Komodos.
That reminds her. She reaches inside her saddle bag, and pulls out Cody Komodo. She had put that miniature stuffed animal there for a purpose. That purpose was more than just a cute little companion or a keepsake collectible. It was a reminder to think of Leah, and to pray for her. But now, Cody has a higher calling.
She places Cody at the base of the tunnel. Her hope is that the others are following, and that they'll find her horse, and then find Cody marking the passageway, in case she is entering danger. But partly she hopes they are not following her. It's too dangerous in this mountain with all these earth tremors.
Shannon lifts herself up to the passageway, and begins crawling on hands and knees. It isn't that far. She has gone this far, she has to go on ---fear cannot have its victory. If her suspicions are correct, she has to take this chance.
Shannon's tunnel vision becomes a kaleidoscope of light as the bright rays of sunlight splash against the smooth rock face upon reaching the end of the tunnel. As she regains focus, her eyes cast upon what she had hoped to find. Yet, she is not prepared to see it.
She gasps! And for a moment, she is as motionless as that which is now before her.
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Her suspicions were that the islanders' superstitions were not wholly superstitions. She had so focused on the Holy truth of God that she'd wholly missed any truth in what the islanders were saying. She had discounted their insistence upon there being a mountain Being, the claimed 'Man in the mountain'.
But here he is ---and appearing to be in the same condition that the Old Chief had been in …near death.
Shannon hurries to his side ---scraggly old hair and matted beard, motionless on his stomach with his head to the side ---but still with a pulse, as she checks the carotid artery at his neck.
Too heavy to carry, and too unmanageable to get through that small passageway …she cries. She must desperately find a way.
It only takes a couple seconds before Shannon puts the next thought into action. She rolls him on his right side, then stretches out beside him on the ground with her back pressed against his chest. She lifts his left arm over her shoulder, then pulls it close to her. With all her effort, she then rolls onto her stomach, rolling him with her ---onto her back.
Shannon crawls on her belly with him on her back. Most of his weight is on the back of her legs, acting as a stretcher as she inches herself slowly forward on her elbows. It is not an easy task, but one she is more committed to than anything she has ever done before. Through much gasping and eating of dirt, she manages to crawl through the passageway with the precious life cargo, in spite of the dead weight resistance.
As she reaches the end of the tunnel, she is happy to see Breeze still standing there. She crawls from beneath the dead weight, quickly checks the pulse again, then lowers herself out of the tunnel opening.
She gives Breeze a big hug, then quickly moves him closer to the slight overhang of the rock. She steps up in one of the stirrups and reaches across Breeze to grab the hand with the …ring on it.
A ring represents a circle of continuing love, eternal commitment, of hope ---a hope that can potentially manifest itself in a myriad of ways. This hope drives a surge of energy through Shannon's veins, providing the power to do what she would otherwise conceive as impossible.
But nothing is impossible with God. Shannon pulls him out over the edge and across Breeze's back. He has an old leather belt, hopefully still strong, which she hooks over the saddle horn to secure him. Her many thoughts must now focus on one ...before the mounting problems become surmounting ---they have to get out of here!
451
Breeze seems to know his mission. Without need of Shannon's direction, Breeze lengthens his magnificent strides towards the other end of the plateau. For all the reasons why Shannon favors an Arabian stallion, this one moment alone defines it. This is the most awesome horse she has ever seen ---or read about.
Breeze's powerful hoofs pound the rocky plateau, commanding submission under foot. As they near the bridge, the earth submits to another tremendous quake, a relentless bid for destruction.
Breeze falters slightly as force challenges force, powerful hoofs striking timbers that vibrate those couple inches that will no longer serve definition of 'bridge'. But God's design for this magnificent creature provides the powerful shift from hind legs to front ---and as his front hoofs strike the solid ground on the other side, the bridge is no longer, timbers plunging into the deep canyon.
Breeze barely touches solid ground when it proves no longer such. His muscular frame strains every fiber to power into a second tremendous leap, having barely completed the first. The cliff edge and tree become part of the divided earth, falling into the canyon …but Breeze defies all, somehow miraculously soaring toward the new cliff's edge, landing safely once again. Safety or not, he does not relent ---each stride bringing them further from the danger zone and down the mountain.
When Mom was young, she told of her dream of flying ---not on a plane or any man-made apparatus ---but actually flying. As a Christian girl, her dreams formed mostly through a Biblical perspective. Mom dreamt of angels, of whether they had wings, and how they could travel from place to place. She dreamt of chariots of fire ….and she dreamt of just being taken up into the air. As she got older, she admitted to giving up the dream of actually flying. She accepted what God had created her to be ---and tried to be quite happy and content with who she was.
Shannon, on the other hand, dreamt of horses. Her lifetime of fascination with horses never departed from her. Early on, she'd gallop around the house on all fours, playing horse. Those dreams carried into movies of White Mane, the Black Stallion, National Velvet, and Black Beauty. To ride a horse like that, it almost seemed like you were flying.
Shannon collected those pictures and others, taping them to her bedroom wall …wall-to-wall horse pictures. There were some really beautiful horses, but never did any come close to this one.
She could not even dream this spectacular …this is the closest she can imagine to flying.
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A good three-quarter mile down the mountain, Breeze slows a bit. Tevita comes into view ---followed soon by Malu, Feleti, then Hola, and the others. They all begin jumping up and down in celebration. As they continue down the mountain, Lorvin, Christian, Murray, and Sweeney come into view ---not accustom to mountain running. They approach the celebration surrounding the horse. Shannon can be seen above the dancing, upon her horse.
Lorvin catches his breath, "Thank God, you're safe! Now tell me what this is all about."
Just then, they see the body stretched across the saddle. Shannon is not prepared to explain, quite yet. In part, it explains itself ….the 'Man in the mountain' is real. Tears streak her face. They do not understand the fullest extent of all this.
When they emerge from the bush, reaching the beach area, the women rush forward ---Aleah, Moriah, Onithe, and Astuti. They all rejoice, their prayers having been answered.
Aleah is the first to take notice of the condition of the man stretched out across the saddle. She has a couple of the men help lower him gently off the horse and to the ground. And she confirms that she thinks this man has the same thing as Old Chief ---what they call the serious version of missionary dysentery.
Shannon kneels down beside him. She gasps! Lowering her head to his chest, she drenches him in her tears. The 'Man in the mountain', now the 'Man on the beach', is ---but, how can it be?
"Oh, thank you, God!" Her silent prayer continues, "Please let him live! I don't believe you'd let me find him, except you'd have him live!"
Shannon tries to communicate, yet it is difficult through her sobs and tears. Malu understands hurt and anguish, and the private moments of it. He asks the islanders to provide some space here.
Lorvin, Moriah, Onithe, and Astuti take Shannon to the side to talk to her. Aleah doesn't leave the man's side ---the nurse in her doesn't allow her departure. She can hear what Shannon has to share later.
Shannon brings an intense amount of emotion to the side conversation. Lorvin suddenly has his own concerns. He doesn't need a translator, yet he doesn't quite know how to express it. He is quite certain he heard Shannon correctly ---he just fears what he'd heard. It possibly means that Shannon is coming down with it too …the delirium very possibly setting in.
Lorvin agrees this should be dealt with privately. He returns to Aleah's side, his intense expression now showing his desperation, "I think Shannon might be coming down with it too. We need to get back to the Mission hospital as soon as possible. But I think it wise not to tell the islanders. They should focus on what they've learned about Jesus, and think how they are going to tell the women's island. Let's keep to our affairs and let them keep to theirs."
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Aleah looks with desperate eyes, "With a statement like that, you'd soon convince me that you're coming down with it too. Openness is what we've encouraged, and they've come a long way in confessing great things. You can't mean to close them out now. We can't deny them the opportunity to pray with us."
Lorvin sees the truth in what his wife is saying, "Okay, I'll ask them to join me in prayer, but let's hurry. Have Murray and Sweeney help you with the mountain man ---and have Onithe and Astuti help Shannon to the ship. I'll tell the islanders goodbye for everyone."
Shannon is back beside the mountain man's side. Breeze stays faithfully beside her.
Uata rushes forward. He has the sacred box with him. Shannon looks up. Uata extends a hand, offering the box to her. She hesitates to take the box. She looks into Uata's eyes. His eyes appear different. He smiles ---his grin filled with old rotting teeth, yet he smiles. His eyes are soft and gentle eyes.
Shannon takes the box. Uata nods and smiles. She slowly lifts the lid of the box, as Malu translates, "Uata say he still believe in sacred box, but box itself not sacred, it what inside box that make sacred box."
As Shannon opens the lid, she finds the contents of the box to be missing, except for one item. Uata smiles, showing even more of those rotting teeth, as he speaks. Malu translates, "Uata say you not be new Chief. Jesus is chief among us."
Shannon lifts the Bible out of the box. Malu adds, "Uata ask that you tell Old Chief and 'Man in the mountain' about Jesus too."
Shannon reaches back and grabs the reins of her horse, moved by her own feelings of passion. She hands the reins to Uata, "Here, you were keeper of the box. Now you be keeper of the horse."
Malu translates, and Uata accepts. Shannon smiles as Uata's eyes dance with appreciation. Uata hands Shannon a zip-lock bag. It's the old contents of the sacred box.
Feleti, Hola, and Malu agree to stay on the men's island to travel to the women's island with the new Christians. Feleti agrees to let Hola teach the women, with Malu's assistance.
Lorvin asks all of them for prayer as he departs. The last of the group to leave the island, Lorvin gives last minute instructions. Then he quickly joins the others, preparing to sail to the Mission island.
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********************
Once all secure on board, Lorvin again voices his concern about Shannon to his wife. Lorvin is concerned that her delirium may be intensifying. She remains at the mountain man's side, sobbing and babbling, "M-o-m, M-o-m ---I found him!"
Tears gather in Lorvin's eyes. He has been of little comfort to Shannon. She is coming down with this missionary dysentery. And she is slipping into delirium, crying out like a child for her 'Mommy'.
Murray and Sweeney also begin to cry as they approach. Their grandpa, Scully, had taught their dad not to cry. And in turn, Murray and Sweeney never experienced tears ---but they are crying now.
Though they had missed the missionary teaching, Murray and Sweeney had somehow caught enough here and there to gain some knowledge. Sweeney asks, "What is sin? I know of certain things called sin ---and I have plenty of that ---but I'm bothered by alot of other stuff too."
Lorvin realizes something at this moment. They were so busy focusing on the islanders need to know Jesus, they had missed the ones right there among them. Lorvin sees his wife consoling Shannon. She is doing such a good job. Maybe Lorvin can help someone too.
Lorvin wonders why it somehow seems more difficult when there is no language barrier. He doesn't know where to begin, "That's called guilt. We're all guilty of something. But guilt isn't supposed to be such a bad thing. It's supposed to point you in the right direction, not bog you down with misery. If you feel miserable though, that's okay too. It probably means you didn't take the right direction. It's like this boat ---we're desperate to get to the Mission hospital, but if we ended up going in the wrong direction we'd be miserable."
Moriah stands by her dad's side, an arm around him, also extending her heart's leading, "Sin is separation from God. God expects us to love our neighbors as ourselves. But we can do this and still be separated from God. We can treat our neighbors better than anyone else in the world ---we can be great company, but misery loves company. At least that's what some say. I say we must follow the other commandment which goes with that ---the one mentioned first. We must love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. And that means we must not only attempt to do what He says ---we must also desire to follow His ways."
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Lorvin recognizes that look on Moriah's face. And he looks at Murray and Sweeney. His daughter is having more success in getting through to them. He will not add anything. He will just listen.
Moriah continues, "When you were younger, do you ever recall your Dad asking you to do something and you simply did not do it? Or you were asked not to do something ---and you did it anyway? You may have even thought what you did wasn't wrong at all ---but it was wrong, simply because you were asked not to do it. Maybe you didn't understand why, but that doesn't matter. Your parents may have seen something that you didn't see. Maybe they wanted to protect you ---even if they had a strange way of showing they cared."
Moriah's explanation intensifies itself, "Maybe they even dictated to you in an unforgiving fashion. But if you disobeyed them, you were also separating yourself from what God would want you to do."
Sweeney asks, "What if it wasn't our parents who mostly raised us ...what if it was a grandparent?
Moriah hesitates, "Well, I guess it's difficult to give advice when circumstances create a different context. But, ...though there are circumstances where I guess you'd be in the right not to obey, generally, whoever is your caregiver should have your best interests at heart. And you should do your best to respect them."
Murray speaks up this time, "So, you are still saying, that one act of disobedience can cause ...someone a lifetime of pain."
A tear travels down Sweeney's worn face, "And a lifetime of guilt."
Moriah's call is for simplicity, "Don't carry the guilt. All anyone has to do is come clean …confess it."
Sweeney turns, stepping towards Shannon while breaking down in tears, "I am so sorry, Shannon."
Lorvin is confused. Is he witnessing the beauty of someone recognizing their sinful nature ---about to confess and show the desire to follow God ---or is it just shared delirium?
Shannon does not hear him, but Lorvin wonders what Sweeney is saying sorry about ...is it that he is sorry she gave up her beautiful horse?"
Sweeney will not be denied his freeing moment. He turns back towards Moriah and confesses, "Scully, I mean, Grandpa, saw that his Estie was in trouble. Estie was the name of his boat. His uncle, Mac, had given him that boat. He really loved her …but she was on fire. Dad had just got a new motor boat, but Grandpa didn't know how reliable she was, so he took his old reliable. I wanted to help, so I jumps in dad's new motor boat. Murray here, reminds me that dad had clearly said we could not use his new boat. I told Murray that when people are in danger, there is no such word as can't. Again Murray reminds me that as far as dad is concerned, bravery is no excuse for disobedience."
Lorvin adds, "Well, I think Sweeney is right ...that when people are in danger, it is sometimes okay to bend the rules. But, you can always explain afterwards why you did ...and I'm sure you parents, or grandparents, would understand."
Murray also remembers that day clearly, "I told Sweeney that I would go with him ---if he promised not to tell."
Lorvin explains, "I don't think those kind of promises or agreements should be made."
Sweeney is excited, and intensifies his speech as he tells the story, "By the time we reached the Estie, it was all fire and smoke. And Grandpa was climbing on board to save his shipmate, Doyle."
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Sweeney gets into it, as if he's experiencing it at this precise moment, "You must understand …we are real scared. At first we don't see Grandpa. He disappears into the smoke and flame. We are about to go after him ourselves, when we see him emerge out of the smoke, dragging Doyle to safety. We don't want him to see us, so we motor to the other side of Estie, and get ready to speed back before we get caught ---but then we see these two in the water, about to drown. So we save them in our boat, and take them back to where we're loading the craft …the aircraft."
Murray recalls, "We were loading the craft with supplies for the mission field ---for somewhere out here, in Indonesia. We didn't know if the one guy we saved was going to make it. He looked in bad shape, but we knew we'd be in bad shape too. We had the other guy promise not to tell what we did ...then we go to help Grandpa pull into the dock, and see how Doyle is. The two men just sort of disappeared …and that's about the extent of it."
Sweeney admits, "That was the extent of it …until Rebekkah started asking questions. But Murray and I didn't want to begin stirring things up. We didn't realize one of the ones we saved was Shannon's dad ...and we had made another of those problematic promises. Honestly, we had no idea where they had gone after that ...and we figured we would just leave well enough alone. But, I know now, ...that was not well at all. And I hope you forgive me for what I've done …I realize now that I was way wrong. You all had the right to know ...and I know what I did is unforgivable. I've had a difficult time through the years keeping that secret. And though i don't expect any forgiveness ...I am very sorry."
This is too wild! This is a sincere confession if Lorvin has ever heard one. But what are Murray and Sweeney saying?
*****************
Lorvin spends the next couple hours attempting to calm Shannon down. Spending time with Shannon, he begins to believe that she doesn't have the missionary dysentery ---and it is not delirium, but rather years of grief stored up, only to be released at this moment.
Lorvin doesn't want Shannon to set herself up like this. That they would have stowed away on that missionary plane was only conjecture. And that they would've arrived here was much wishful thinking. Nearly two decades ago is a long time ago, and this is an unlikely scenario. It's the type of story you'd want to believe, but not likely could.
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Lorvin has seen this before. Some people were not fit for the mission field. He had seen many sincere well-meaning men and women fall into an emotional breakdown. Shannon had hastily decided to come to the mission field that first time. You could tell she wasn't ready. After her year was up, she had eagerly returned home, only to quickly return to the mission field.
Aleah also shakes her head. It doesn't even look like him. This is not her brother! Aleah knows what Lorvin is thinking. Shannon must be having an emotional breakdown, desperately pretending what she wants to believe ---what she feels will save her sanity.
But, the most difficult to believe is how that story that Murray and Sweeney had told ...how could that possibly connect with what Shannon was saying. It doesn't seem possible, but ...no, that's too crazy!!
Shannon takes the zip-lock bag out of her pocket, the one Uata had given her from the box. She takes out a photograph and shows it to Aleah. It is definitely ---Stephen!
Aleah begins to cry profusely.
Shannon had not only recognized the photograph to be her Dad ---she remembers that same shirt he'd worn to work on the day he'd disappeared ---the shirt that she had given him which everyone considered so ugly. And the second she had seen the photograph fall out of the claimed sacred box, she had connected the idea of the 'Man in the mountain'. That's when she had leaped on Breeze, and breezed up the mountain.
Lorvin can still not accept all this. He needs every thread of proof. He takes the ring off the mountain man's finger and inspects it. There is an inscription on the inside of the ring ---slightly worn, but still legible. There is no date and no initials. It merely reads: Eternal Friends.
Lorvin aims to check with Cindy about the inscription. But this still seems so wild! He can't drag Cindy into an emotional breakdown too.
Shannon suddenly penetrates her tears with a burst of joy, "The birthmarks!"
Shannon puts her right arm alongside the motionless body she believes to be her Dad. His arm is sun beaten and weathered, but the birthmarks are still visible. Yes, those beautiful birthmarks.
She bursts with joy, "See! They align perfectly with mine!"
Moriah joins the joyous revelation, "Yes, I remember that. It was your birthday, and you felt bad because of some remark Stan had made about your birthmarks."
Even Lorvin begins to believe at this point ---even as scientific and pragmatic as he is. He too is a man of faith, and he doesn't believe three people would have the same exact alignment of birthmarks like this. God had created that arrangement for Shannon and Dad alone.
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XXXII
That isn't good enough for Rebekkah. When she had initially sent them to deliver the horse, and they reported back that they couldn't find Shannon, she did not tell Cindy. She did not want to worry her. But for Murray and Sweeney ---they were not to return until they found Shannon. Then Rebekkah was furious when they told her that they had found her, but had left her on the island while they returned to get supplies from the mission base.
Sweeney had told Rebekkah that Shannon was an adult, and they couldn't tell her what to do. Sweeney had added that if Shannon could be ordered around, then she wouldn't have gone to the mission field in the first place. She would have listened to all the others ---inclusive of Rebekkah's persuasion.
Rebekkah wasn't trying to find an avenue to blame someone. She was just frustrated. She had long struggles with the fine line between trying to control and trying to accept the fact that everything seemed out-of-control. She didn't quite have a healthy balance between what she could do, and what she should leave to prayer alone ---and the workings of God.
Sweeney had mixed feelings about sharing this latest piece of news. But Sweeney has resolved to attempt to do what is right ---from this point forward. He attempts to tell Rebekkah that Stephen is alive, but Rebekkah sounds angry ---as if she doesn't believe him. Yet Sweeney anticipates she will be more so …when she does believe him.
Rebekkah's emotions are all over the map ---literally. She can't stand the fact that they are on the opposite side of the world and everything is falling way short of her expectations. Yet, she doesn't know how to act when things exceed her expectations either. She gets Lorvin to verify the fact that Shannon has found her Dad. Then Rebekkah tells Sweeney that if he and Murray can bring Stephen and Shannon back home safely, she'll buy them both new ships ---the best that money can buy.
That's when Sweeney prepares himself for the response he will receive next, "Stephen is very sick. We can't guarantee he will make it to the mission hospital, let alone the long trip back home. Yet my hope is still strong that we can deliver. But there's one more thing."
Rebekkah doesn't like it when she hears that there is one more thing, "Okay, what's that?"
Sweeney hesitates, "Well, I can't accept your offer."
Rebekkah is confused about what part of her offer he is unwilling to accept, "What do you mean, you can't accept my offer?"
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Sweeney releases all that pent-up emotion. After all these years, he now tells how he is responsible for allowing everyone to think Stephen was not alive.
Sweeney can tell the silence is not the result of a problem with the phone. Rebekkah isn't saying anything ---and that is usually worse than her saying something.
Rebekkah breaks the silence, "I could get angry with you for what you just told me, but maybe I can even surprise myself this time. God had you play a part in this. I don't know yet what that all involves, but I do know God has reasons and purposes. And the fact is, if God hadn't used you, then I'd be still facing the fact that Stephen is dead. As it is, he is alive, and I'd like to celebrate with you."
Sweeney is swallowing hard, but relieved, "Are you okay, Rebekkah? I'm thankful for your grateful perspective, but this doesn't sound like you."
Sweeney is right. Rebekkah is having a hard time restraining certain feelings. If he hadn't allowed everyone to believe that Stephen was dead, then perhaps her best friend, Stephen's mom, might still be alive today. Rebekkah needs real strength to stay on the course without sounding too coarse.
Rebekkah refers back to her only strength, "I was just reading out of the Book of Genesis last night. When I read how Joseph did not focus on the intent of his brothers, but rather upon understanding God's purpose, it really had an impact upon me. I haven't at all been living my life that way."
One person who would not only not see God's purpose, but seldom saw any purpose other than his own ---is Scottie. Sweeney and Murray's dad is a hard man. And most of their life, they found it preferable not to tell him the truth. If the truth did not align with his expectations, they had much reason to fear telling the truth.
But at this point, Sweeney finds it preferable to tell the truth. There is no way he can bring back to memory all those times he had not told the truth, but he can begin by confessing in general ---and at least specifically own up to this one.
Sweeney thinks back. His dad had never owned up to anything. He came closer to the concept of looking at children as ownership, instead of children of God. But still, Sweeney feels he has to try. He has to try talking to his dad.
Scottie provides more of the same of which he'd filled their childhood with, "It doesn't surprise me. Always making life difficult for your dad. But that wasn't good enough for you, was it? You had to mess with other people's lives too, didn't you?"
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Scottie's frame of mind had not changed. He is well into his regular routine, "Why are you telling me all this anyway? Like I always said, if you're going to tell a lie, don't ever admit to it. Let me talk to Murray ---you disappoint me too much."
Sweeney hands the phone to Murray, then walks off to be by himself. He had hoped dad would not affect him this way. But it doesn't matter how long it's been ---that gripping disappointment, expressed from dad to son, continues to rob him of the blessing he could now potentially realize.
*******
Sweeney needs to be alone to reflect on this one. It seems just like yesterday. He and Murray sit by the window, looking out. They're always looking out. No one seems to look out for them. They are grounded again. They are grounded a lot, he recalls.
Dad is angry. Mom is angry. Don't know who was angry first. Does it really matter? We become a part of dad and mom whether we like it or not. What will children gain from their parents? The positive, or the negative? Or the confusion?
A therapist blames upbringing …an uncomfortable insinuation for parents, or parents of parents. Parents blame children, an unbearable insinuation for children. Children don't have the right to blame anyone, unless they blame themselves. They're just the unwilling victims of it all. Many supposed well-meaning organizations blame society, though the organizations emerge out of society itself. And government molds itself around the society, so that it can exist without too much inner turmoil, not confronting that which it is not committed enough to attempt to change. It becomes the mutual benefit of the conglomeration of all our misdirection. 'Society' is defined as the voluntary association of individuals for common ends. Often that 'common end' is to blame. Whether it is the small family unit, or the larger government of nations, blame can be the focus …rather than seeking solutions.
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If children are not to follow the ways of society, then what direction is provided for them? Children usually create only very limited understanding of their existence. Their lives include family ---which they don't choose, and friends that they do choose. If the families choose to blame, then the children choose to escape. One of the most common modes of escape, is television. The other is friends. And the friends that they choose are often friends from similar families who have their own unique private sessions of blame. They share a common ground of inflicted blame. Together they often find comfort in viewing the other dysfunctional families portrayed on television. And together, their own negative experiences and those of television, help socialize them. Once their own personal inner pain is added, they are thrust into the angry path …to find their own way.
So society is made up of families we don't choose, and friends we feel we do choose, but not really. Friends become avenues of survival. And it provides an avenue for when we grow up and ---we can blame society too.
Somewhere along that misguided path, Mom had felt the need to see a therapist. Much time is spent talking about her childhood. It's safe because they aren't here …Mom's own parents aren't here. But her children are here. They are in the next room.
It is too risky to talk about the husband-wife relationship. Each can't blame the other because it might make matters worse. So the childhood has to remain the focus. And the anger factor has to be dealt with.
Murray and I have no choice. We have to go to the sessions with mom. But we have to occupy ourselves in the next room. Murray sees there's a large selection of games to play with. But I'm more concerned with the games that are being played next door.
I pick up a book and sit next to the wall. I find that I can hear most of what the therapist and Mom are saying. I recall one particular session. It is particularly bothersome:
Mom: "I hit the dog with the broom. It really upset Sweeney. He really loves that dog."
Therapist: "What do you think you can do to prevent yourself from hitting the dog with the broom?"
Mom: "I don't know."
Therapist: "Well, I can make a suggestion."
Mom: "What's that?"
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Therapist: "Make sure that when you get angry, don't pick anything up."
Mom: "That won't work. I kick the dog too."
Therapist: "Why do you think you take your anger out on the dog?"
Mom: "Probably because it's Scottie's dog."
Therapist: "Oh, a case of transference."
Mom: "But Sweeney is the one that really loves the dog."
Therapist: "That's good insight. We're making good progress here."
Mom: "Not really. That's why I came to you. Insight has not helped me improve my anger. When Sweeney was just a baby, the dog was just a pup. I couldn't stand the dog right from the start. I tried to just ignore the dog, but I'm expected to do everything around the house. I tried to leave the dog alone, but I had to take it to the vet. It was suffering from malnutrition. I realized that if I didn't take care of that dog, no one would. My husband wasn't taking care of it. It was his dog, but I have to take care of everything in the house."
Therapist: "I hear you making reference to your house, not your 'home'. You don't really consider it a home, do you?"
Mom: "No, I feel it's an area I'm assigned to. I have to take care of everything and keep everything clean. And all that dog hair makes me angry. I tried to not let it bother me. For three months I tried to stop caring about those things. For three months I didn't clean or vacuum."
Therapist: "And how did you feel during those three months?"
Mom: "The dog didn't bother me during that time."
Therapist: "So, you did arrive at a solution then. That tells me something."
Mom: "Yes, it told me something too. The dog didn't bother me because the house was so dirty, I couldn't find the dog. I couldn't find the children either."
463
So much for listening in on mom's therapy session. I look at the book I'm holding in my hand. It's by Dr. Seuss. More than any Doctor, or therapist could ever do, I have often turned to Dr. Seuss. I enjoy all his books. Dr. Seuss is certain to understand my plight.
Two children, way too young to be home alone, sit by a window. A window Dr. Seuss is about to open for us. Where is their mother? I see the similarity, yet at the same time, the difference. My mom is always there, at least in body.
These two books are my favorites. Even now, as an adult, I can recall the story. Yet, it may appear to have a slightly different slant ...as I am no longer looking at it through the eyes of a child.
It all begins with an intrusion. The two children stand in silent amazement. Only their fish speaks. Rather fishy, right? Not really. The fish is their conscience, telling them all the things their mom wouldn't approve of. But as the children continue to look on in amazement, the 'Cat in the Hat' somehow boldly states that the tricks he will show them ---their mom will not mind at all if he does them.
Then when the 'Cat' introduces 'Thing One' and 'Thing Two', the children shake hands. An agreement of sorts is made, with a certain degree of peace established about the whole thing.
Once again the 'conscience fish' says the 'Things' should not be there when their mother is not. But the children look on with simple amazement at the wrong things they are experiencing, until they see their mother returning home. Only then do they make a real effort to stop that irresponsible 'Cat'.
But still looking for an out from the mess, they allow the 'Cat' to take care of it. And they show joy at seeing that the problem is taken away. Then they return to the window to sit silently, as if nothing had happened.
All this encourages the 'Cat in the Hat' to come back, when their mother is away for the day, of course. And before they can speak for themselves, he invites himself in. This time they say the things that the 'fish conscience' would have said, but the Cat's answer is that they should try it sometime. The children take a stance and say 'No!', but each time a problem arises, they look to the 'Cat' to fix it.
Each time they holler at what the 'Cat' does wrong. Each time they witness the 'Cat' making things worse. But each time they allow him to fix his own mess he continues to make.
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The children say it's bad, but the 'Cat' insists they should try it. Each time they are told that it isn't so bad. The first mention of dad follows. The reference is to how unsatisfied he'd be. And to avoid disappointing dad, they ask if the problem can be solved ---you know it can!! Undermining, underhanded, under way under his hat, the 'ABC Cats' take the lead. And things get worse!
But the 'Cat in the Hat' can fix it ---with 'Cat Z'. He has something called 'Voom', that cleans up, fixes everything. We had let a little pink in. Then all we could see is pink. Soon we can not tell the difference between pink and red. We don't want to see red. We'd be just like the ones who brought this all on in the first place.
The 'Cat' is like society. Maybe I can blame the 'Cat in the Hat'. But not really. I can see it more clearly now. Our spiritual life is like that. Without anyone to help keep us accountable, it can be like the 'Cat in the Hat' story. It would be better that we never let the 'Cat' in the house in the first place. And the more you let the 'Cat' fix the very problems he creates, the worse it gets.
The 'Voom' took care of the mess, but you know what else it did? It all but guaranteed that the 'Cat' will be back. Do you know why? Because the 'Cat' was allowed to take care of the problem he had created.
Now, don't get me wrong. If someone causes a problem, it's often good to allow that someone to fix the problem they've caused. But not if they 'are' the problem. And the 'Cat' was the problem. He did things we know shouldn't be done. And he encouraged us to keep it from our parents.
Sweeney had thought he'd grown beyond these old feelings, but they are still able to drag him down, out of the best of moods. He refocuses. It is not this old hurt that he needs. He needs the new realization to lift him out of the doldrums. He will receive his blessing ---not from his dad, but from his Heavenly Father.
*************
Sweeney is not the only one who had not fully developed a good parent-child relationship. Shannon had also experienced difficulty in this area. And at this moment ---discouragement, doubt, and deception join forces to attempt to defeat and destroy her.
465
Shannon recalls Sweeney's tears of confession. She feels sorry for Sweeney ---the way he burdened himself with guilt all those years. She can certainly relate to that feeling. But the words that return to her now, are spoken through transferred emotions. Sweeney had said he respected the fact that she loved her dad ---something he felt he never really had.
Shannon cries. Dad had every reason to doubt her love. Though he struggled at times with Mom, the love he knew was there ...is what always kept him motivated. Family meant everything to him.
As Shannon's tears fall, she grips Dad's hand, and cries aloud, "Though you may not recall a time I've told you this ...I love you, Dad!"
Try as she may to resist it, the worst of regrets consumes her. The fact is, she can only recall her lack of showing Dad that she loved him. She kneels down at his side, "Oh, God ---please don't let him die!"
Murray is slow to approach Sweeney. Murray knows his brother is hurting. Sweeney catches a glimpse of Murray and speaks up first, "I don't know if I could ever have a good relationship with dad ---why do you think that is?"
Murray steps alongside his brother, "Maybe because you're like him in a lot of ways. But those are good ways. You are both the take-action type. And you both have a bold sort of confidence."
Sweeney wipes a tear away, "Do I look confident to you?"
Murray rests a hand on his brother's shoulder, "As soon as I got off the phone with dad, Lorvin asked that I talk with you. He wants us to stay on. That's the sort of confidence we're talking about ---confidence in the faith."
466
***********
As they get off the boat at mission headquarters, Sweeney assists transporting Shannon's Dad into the hospital. The Doctor requests only the nurses be present as he does a thorough checkup.
Shannon doesn't want to leave Dad's side, but she waits outside in the hallway.
Sweeney delays his departure, placing a hand on Shannon's shoulder, "My dad left us when I was fifteen. I tried to take care of mom and my brother after dad left. And I did a fairly good job of it too. I think he resents me for that. I envy the love you have for your dad."
There is no denying of tears for Shannon. She swallows hard, unable to respond.
Sweeney doesn't expect a response. He forges on, "My dad is still critical of me. That's what makes it tough. When I was eighteen, my dad went in for heart surgery. Even though he had abandoned us, we still loved him. After his surgery, I stayed by his side. When he came to, he tore into me. The Doctor said dad was still groggy from the anesthesia, but he'd return to normal within the hour. I did not tell the Doctor that this was normal behavior for dad."
Shannon continues to wipe her tears with the back of her hand. Sweeney puts one arm around her, and pats her on the shoulder, "Your dad is so blessed to have you here, ---you have what I have always dreamed of. You risked your life to save his. My dad always seemed to want to take mine away."
One of the nurses, Maggie, is assisting the Doctor, and overhears the conversation in the hallway. Sweeney kisses Shannon on the top of the head before he departs, "Take care of yourself, kid."
The Doctor leaves the room. Maggie comes to the door, "It's okay to come back in now, Shannon."
Maggie is very sensitive and understanding. She does a lot of listening. She is not in it for gossip purposes, but for insight into the hearts of others.
Maggie may listen a lot, but when it's time to speak, she speaks, "Sometimes when we feel a lot of hurt, we try to help others ---which is a good thing ---but sometimes the advice is better served in helping ourselves."
Maggie places her forefinger under Shannon's chin, gently lifting it, "Are you having a difficult time sorting it all out?"
Shannon looks back through teary eyes, "It's so ...it's …not what it seems. Dad never really ever acted distant from me ---he loved me. He showed it all the time. It was me who never showed it."
467
Maggie does what comes natural to her. She opens her arms. She does not speak at this time ---she just hugs Shannon. And when they are both tired of standing, she sits with her within the room.
Neither of them say anything for a long time, then Maggie prepares her for what lies ahead, "We are trying some new medicine in hopes to give some chance of survival. But the struggle may prove to be too much. Your Dad is in a coma-like state right now. No one has ever recovered from that advanced stage. This new medicine has hopes to change that. It is supposed to bring them out of that coma-like state …but it is not expected to be a peaceful deliverance. It will take the most extreme will to live. That almost insurmountable struggle that lies ahead …well, I don't know if anyone can overcome that. But if he does make it through, it is at that time you can put all your regrets behind. It is then that Dad will need you. It is then that you will need to be there for him."
Shannon looks into Maggie's eyes, "When do they begin the medication?"
Maggie encloses her hands around Shannon's, "Hopefully, tomorrow. We don't have it here. We had to send for it as soon as we heard you were coming. We expect the plane may be arriving back tomorrow."
Shannon can't imagine the struggle that is ahead, "Has anyone survived as a result of this new medication?"
Maggie wishes she can give Shannon more hope, but she must be honest, "No, we've only tried it with one other person."
Shannon doesn't wait to ask, "So, what happened?"
Maggie doesn't mean to dishearten her, "We don't know yet. That other person is the old Chief. Early yesterday morning we gave him the medication. We had to move him to another building because his screams were so intense, he was scaring the other patients. But sadly, we have to take these desperate measures. It is believed that our only chance is with the hope that these violent seizures that the medication causes, will force him out of the comatose condition."
Shannon has to ask, "Aren't any of the rest of you afraid you are going to get it? Isn't it highly contagious?"
Maggie smiles, "We just recently received a vaccination for it. You'll be getting your dose within the hour."
Suddenly, Maggie is paged. She hurries out of the room, kissing Shannon quickly on the forehead before departing.
468
Shannon is left alone to dwell on everything she'd just been told. She wonders whether Maggie was called to the other building where the Chief is. She tries to blot out the thought of the torturous event he must be going through. She will be witnessing it herself, soon enough, with her Dad. Dad will be getting the medication. She can't deal with those thoughts right now though …so instead she resorts to prayer.
Shannon is interrupted once as they bring her dose of the vaccination. Then she continues to pray for Dad and the Chief.
Few people command such an immediate response, but one of them is Rebekkah. She had demanded to talk with Maggie. But once Maggie realizes she'd been called out of the room for a mere phone call ---and not an emergency ---she is certain to tell the person about it, "I was sitting in the room with Shannon when you called. I find that much more important at this time, than discussing the book with you."
Rebekkah realizes it as true, "You're right. I'm sorry. That's not really why I called anyway. I just found it easier to talk about the other first, then lead up to the more painful issues. I ran a cross-check on that bloodwork. The Chief is really Crazy Larry ---that prisoner that ...."
Rebekkah gets all choked up, and can't continue.
At this moment Maggie asks, "Is Cindy there? I'd like to talk with her."
Rebekkah quickly regains her assertiveness, "You can't tell Cindy about this ---it would tear her up inside. What if Stephen doesn't make it? Most likely he won't. Let's be honest …you don't expect him to make it. So, do you still honestly think it would be good to tell Cindy that her husband is alive ---only to tell her the next day that he died?"
Maggie has enough assertiveness in her character to challenge what she thinks is proper, "To be honest with you, I think it unthinkable not to tell Cindy. If she doesn't know now, then she can't pray for her husband during a time when he needs everyone's prayers. And if you are thinking that Stephen will most likely die, and she should never know …then you are creating a huge burden for Shannon."
Rebekkah insists, "I don't know ---I just know I can't tell Cindy, that's all. I don't want to burden anyone."
Maggie insists, "Well, then ---I'll call her. You can't just not tell her. Someone's got to tell her."
469
Maggie would perhaps understand more how Rebekkah feels if she knew that her husband's son is actually Cindy's husband. Over fifty years ago she had received that startling letter. Then over a decade later she'd traveled to a maverick molecular biologist in England to verify it. And poor Ruth …she'd created a fantasy that she never knew was real. She went to her grave ---not knowing.
Would Maggie tell her own husband that it is his son that is about to die? Rebekkah will not give her that option. She hadn't told Ruth, and she isn't going to tell Maggie either.
Maggie had paused. She has one more point she wants to share, "And by the way, the plane that went to get the medication also dropped off the manuscript I've been working on for you. They shall be arriving in the States in a day or two. I just want you to know how difficult it has been for me all these years. At your pleading, I promised ---but I'm sorry I did. I believe it was wrong for me to promise. But I did learn something from it. I learned never to make a promise. And going over all these manuscripts has also been a burdensome task. Trying to keep them hidden to preserve the secret between my husband and you ---well, I felt sneaky and deceitful. I can't imagine how you managed all these years to ...."
Maggie had said enough ---probably too much. She should have left that last part out. If Rebekkah is going to receive her words, she would have by now.
Perhaps Rebekkah has received Maggie's words, but is still a ways away from acting on them. It seems that is always the case with Rebekkah. She has spent a lifetime avoiding it ---but now, just this past year, she let Maggie know that she was preparing to tell him. But, she doesn't fault Maggie for not believing her. Rebekkah had begun writing a book entitled, 'So Loved...'. She wanted to write a book to explain to her son how much she loved him. She knew how difficult it would be to tell him how much she loved him, since she spent most of his lifetime avoiding telling him so. But she felt the book would adequately explain why she felt she couldn't tell him, at first ---yet, how would he respond to her not telling him when she could? But then …she felt she couldn't again.
She had started by collecting some of his poems ---the collection entitled, 'So Loved ...'. Then she worked a story around some of the poems. But instead of finishing the first book, she began writing a second book. Maggie's response at that time was to send Rebekkah a poem of her own, entitled, 'It's Never Too Late'.
470
The second book was supposed to bridge the gap between her not being able to tell him, then when she could ---then not being able to again. This is the book she was about to complete …having been a long time in coming.
Maggie recalls telling Rebekkah that she seemed to be writing more for herself ---that it appeared to be her own rationalizing and justification. And it appeared she would never tell him. It was taking so long to write, it appeared she was using it as a stalling tactic.
Rebekkah had claimed it was because details were missing from the story, and she had politely asked for Maggie's help. But the story dragged on and on. She had decided that the last half of that second book, would make a good third book. Maggie had said she was no longer curious whether and how Rebekkah would tell her son ---as long as she told him. This was taking ridiculously long, but nonetheless, Rebekkah had committed to the trilogy. She claimed she was eager to get it into print, but as Maggie sees it ---she is no more prepared to tell her son than she'd ever been. The truth is ---she's spending most of her time doing what she has been doing for a lifetime ...avoiding the truth, at least the telling portion of it. And she is asking yet another friend to help her write the final chapter of a story which she says she hopes she can play her part in …helping to create a more pleasant ending for ---actually, for all.
*******
Maggie will not be making any phone call. It is Shannon's place to talk with her mom …if and when she decides to do so. If Shannon happens to believe the same as Rebekkah ---that they should wait, and only tell Cindy in the event that the medicine works ---then Maggie would do her best to try to convince Shannon that it's the wrong approach. But everything said and done, if Shannon still agrees with Rebekkah …then Maggie will just try to respect that.
Maggie does not need to concern herself. As she enters the room, Shannon is on the phone, "I'm doing fine, Mom. How about you? You sound tired ...must be all that celebrating. By the way, happy birthday, Mom!"
471
Shannon had prayed. She's a bit more relaxed now …actually, more than a bit. She seems like a totally different person. The prayer has not only brought her beyond tears, but to a conversation that actually appears rather lighthearted.
Shannon smiles as she listens to Mom's response over the phone, "Well, technically speaking, it is my birthday. But it's only a couple hours past midnight here. But don't worry about that. It's always so good to hear from you. I know you must be caught up in everything ---it's a wonder you remembered my birthday. But you are always sweet that way. I miss you so much, Shannon."
Maggie listens as Shannon replies, "I'm so sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to wake you. I never could get those time zones straight."
Mom laughs, "Don't apologize. I know you don't get much occasion to call. And you know I'm worried sick about you all the time. The best thing you could have done for me was to call. You don't know how good it is to hear from you. It always seems like forever to me, but I know you don't get a chance very often."
Shannon is eager to move on with the conversation, "Mom, I have to tell you …I've had the most fantastic adventure here. God works wonderful miracles in the mission field ---way beyond our imaginations."
Shannon can't see her Mom smile. Everyone back home was aware of Rebekkah's surprise shipment. Mom imagines part of the reason Shannon hadn't called sooner was that she had received her surprise Arabian horse, and she had probably ridden it every day from dawn until dusk, thinking of nothing else. But Shannon is so sweet. She had remembered her Mom's birthday.
Mom misses her so much, "Yes, way beyond our imaginations. I imagine you'll be coming home soon. You will be back in time for your sister's wedding, won't you?"
Shannon is preparing to spring her surprise, "I planned on leaving for home last week, but something came up, and I've been rather busy ...but I'm doing my best. I hope you don't mind me bringing someone home with me."
Mom laughs again, "Oh, silly me ...for a second there, you had me. But you're talking about the horse, aren't you?"
Shannon draws out the suspense, "No ---that was a wonderful surprise, but this is an even bigger surprise."
Mom teases, "So, you met someone? The wedding bells will still be ringing in my ears from Leah's marriage …and then you?"
Shannon knows she will win this game of teasing, "No, it's not my marriage I'm referring to …it's yours."
472
Mom laughs, "That doesn't sound like you, Sweetie. I know Fernye has a knack for matchmaking, but don't tell me you are into it too."
There is a long pause. Shannon is beginning to get caught up in her tears again. And Mom is just caught in quiet reflection. She knows Shannon is just kidding, but she doesn't understand the sudden silence.
Mom asks, "Are you still there?"
Kidding aside, Shannon fights back her tears. "Yes, Mom, I'm still here."
It is so awkward and difficult to gauge emotions over the phone, but Mom tries, "Is it Leah's wedding that you're referring to? Are you worried that I'm going to try to take over her wedding …and not give her any breathing space? Is that why you said my wedding …because you know how I get? Well, I don't blame you …I do sort of get carried away. I get all excited, and want to do this and that …but you know how it is with me. You know that when you say my wedding …you aren't talking about my wedding. You know I will never remarry. But I can still get excited about one of my children getting married. I guess you can tell that I am a bit tired ...rambling on like this, and not making much sense."
Shannon fights back the tears, "I didn't say your wedding, I said your marriage. You've made it clear to all of your children that you would never remarry. And that fact has made this occasion most beautiful."
Mom yawns, "I guess you may be a bit tired too ...being through so much lately. I imagine the mission field is a real challenge."
Shannon draws a deep breath," Mom, I don't know how to tell you this, but ……"
Through many tears, Shannon manages to tell Mom all about it. And Maggie listens to the blessed sharing of a most joyous revelation, capped with prayer.
Neither Shannon nor Mom can figure how it all came to pass ---they just stand ready to offer their thanks in prayer. Only two people really know the truth of what happened ---and they may not live to tell it.
At this point, what really matters is not knowing how it all happened, but knowing the One who not only knows exactly what happened, but also is the only One who has any control over what is about to happen.
Shannon and Mom pray together while on the phone. They pray to their One and only God. And before Cindy hangs up the phone, she tells Shannon she will catch a plane in the morning, so she can join her.
473
Meanwhile, in another building, an intense struggle is going on ---not just for truth, but for mere existence. A lifetime of events and struggles flash within a tormented mind ---a mind once belonging to who most would refer to as ---Crazy Larry.
Now it is difficult to discern who that mind belongs to. Or who could say whether anyone at all even cared, up until ---the island. And for the entire time he was chief, their caring was only for their tradition, which benefited most of them to a degree. The chief was just like a piece on a chessboard ...but, if they lost the main piece, it was not so disappointing. They would enjoy starting the game over.
But, the entire island is praying for the old Chief now. They don't consider it important who he really is ---he is the old Chief to them ---but, more importantly, they now view him as a valuable person.
Shannon is drawn away from Dad's room. Her Dad will really need her tomorrow. Meanwhile, there is a life that can really use her prayers now. And it will give her an idea what Dad will be going through tomorrow. She will endure the screams of terror. She will go to the old Chief's side ---and pray.
*******
Anyone could see the agonizing physical pain he is going through at this moment ---and anyone near could hear it too. No one should realistically expect anyone to endure this. But no one is here to really see what anyone could see …except an occasional look-see by a doctor or attending nurse. In complete isolation, what could anyone really do anyway? All they can do is wait …and pray.
Though we cannot see the ordering of events, nor understand the necessity of it …God sees.
In order to struggle back to sanity, Crazy Larry has to pass again through events in his life. They were torture enough the first time, but now are being repeated. Is he to order back a memory filled with disorder and confusion ---and attempt to gain back the sanity that most claim he never had?
Though most would imagine it preferable to erase those memories, it is necessary to recall those agonizing moments, to restore the memory and preserve the mind …or is that just a psychological conundrum? How nice it would be to be able to remember some of the nice things ---if there were any. The ordering of significant events, after all, is considered the foundation of our memory ---our sanity.
474
Dreams, nightmares, and reality are all mixed together ---and have to be sorted out. As the mind orders up these events, as usual, the memory begins with childhood:
Other children call their caregivers "Mom" or "Dad", but I think I'm special because I am the only one who has a "Nanny".
My Nanny appears to love me, but she also appears to love something else. You can tell just by the look in her eyes. Her hands are on cleaning or cooking, but she moves about in strange ways. She is the curious sort ---always trying to find something out. Of all the people in my life, she impresses me, and her ways are sure to create a great impact upon my young life ...as I begin hiding around the house, always near to where she is. I will not be left out of this game. I will find out what she finds out.
Soon, Nanny and I hear something I'm certain we are not meant to hear. Nanny gets caught listening and gets fired. I fear I'm going to get fired with her, but my hiding place is good, and I'm not about to let anyone in on it. Apparently, this family loves secrets and there is much they haven't let me in on.
I'm confused and concerned. I overhear something they obviously wish to keep secret. According to them, I do have a Mom like the other children. But they talk like my situation is different than that of the other children. From what I hear, my mom is supposedly diagnosed as having a severe case of retardation ---mentally handicapped, they say.
They say her name is Callula. The strange thing is that I know this person. I see her a couple times a year, during the holidays. I don't know why they don't let me know this is my Mom. Everyone else I know has moms who aren't kept secret.
475
I decide to talk with her during the Christmas gathering, while everyone else is busy talking.
She says I am her son ...she has overheard them talking about it. The way I figure it, they either think that she can't hear, or that she can't understand. I think it's ridiculous of them to think that way …just because she is retarded. Sometimes it's difficult to tell who are the slow ones.
But I hear that's common for normal people too. So many times, parents talk in front of children and think they can't hear. Or they talk in bed at night …thinking those little ears are asleep, unable to hear in the quietness of the night.
I have a very difficult time dealing with all of this. I guess I made it difficult for them too, not having Nanny around to take care of me anymore. They had probably initially hired her to help keep me out of trouble. And I could have still managed that, if not for something they'd left lying around. It is a telephone number …Callula's number. They must think children can't hear, or read.
The rest is simple. I call the number and ask for directions. Then I take a bus.
The bus driver is very helpful also. I tell her I'm lost, and I'm looking for my Mom. She drops me off right in front of the mental institution.
Mom doesn't appear happy, at all. But when she sees me, she is happy. And I stay with her all day. She says it is the best day of her life.
It's soon night though, and I'm tired. I curl up at the bottom of her bed and fall asleep.
When they find me there, they are not happy. Mom is not happy that I have to go, but I promise her that I'll be back.
Though they make it difficult for me to keep that promise. They make some arrangements through some church people. I do not like my new home. I don't know much about foster care, but what I do know I don't like. I know I don't like all this shuffling around, and being away from Mom. And I know Mom doesn't like being away from me. I know it didn't go over too well the last time I visited Mom, so this time I decide to sneak her out to visit me. The key to it all is that I do it at night, and I always make sure I sneak her back by early morning.
476
I know Mom isn't happy at the mental institution, but I should have just stuck with my night-time unauthorized visits. I got away with it for a couple years …until I began thinking she'd be happier at the foster home, and that they'd accept her there. That is my big mistake. I bring her back with me one night, and she falls asleep at the foot of my bed.
After that it is shuffling time again. This time I'm moved to a group home. That's when the fearful things enter into my life. The man in the group home spends most evenings in front of his television. He always has it on his sports station, and he has it on real loud. He also drinks several cans of something, and belches really loud. The woman in the foster home does not appear the least bit interested in any of this. She puts earplugs in, and goes to bed early.
It is really loud …but I like loud. It makes it easier to slip out at night. It is easy for a while anyway …until this man begins to visit. He is certainly no stranger to me. This man is part of that group who spends time together, only during the holidays.
They say his visits are necessary to maintain funding for the home ---something to do with State regulations. I see State regulations to mean a regular beating. But that is nothing compared to the treatment one of the older girls in the home receives. She is no stranger either ...only the situation became stranger.
This Khaki Mae is only eleven, yet older than me. She has been at the holiday gatherings also. But she must have been kicked out just like I had been. Not long after that, I find out from Mom that the man who beat me is actually my father.
I am the only one who feels Mom is not crazy. She says my father is the sick one ...preferring to keep all his eggs in one basket. And he doesn't like anyone to be well. He prefers his eggs to be cracked ones. No one will believe Mom ---she is just cracked. And of course, being her son, I befall the same judgment.
477
Crazy Larry's entire body writhes in pain, going through a sequence of seizures, too long and too intense for life to endure ---at least medically speaking. And locked inside are those agonizing memories.
Mom is considered insane ---and I am too, in believing her. But I am sane enough to know to never share with anyone the secret she tells me. I am best to just deal with the horrible fact that the man who was beating me and abusing the older girl at the group home, is my father. But during my last visit with Mom, I am told a much more disturbing fact …about this older girl. She is my sister.
I am in total shock! I'm told that my sister does not know this secret. But knowing now that she is my sister, I soon become very angry. I hide, and actually watch what dad does to her during his abusive visits. He kisses her on the lips, and she seems to go into a sort of trance, as if separating herself from reality. I am convinced that she is not aware of what he does next, detaching herself from what is really happening. I want to run out from hiding and attack my dad, but I'm afraid.
I have to do something about it! After all, she is my sister! Yet, though I am not afraid of what he may do to me ....I am uncertain how it may affect her. She seems to be coping by escaping reality, and what would happen if I forced her to acknowledge the horror?
Is this just an excuse? Why am I paralyzed with indecision? I know I'm going to end up hating myself if I can't stop this!
It gets worse, if that is at all possible. Subconsciously, she must be fighting that which she seems not to even acknowledge as happening, as she strikes out at what she must perceive as what the reason is, and the beginning of it all ...the kiss. She begins punching herself in the mouth. And blood is everywhere.
The next day her lips are all swollen. She is walking around as if nothing had happened, until suddenly she angrily throws a magazine across the room. I wonder what set that off ...so, I go pick up the magazine. It is Models magazine. I don't get it ...then I do. Though all the photographed models do not have the same color hair and eyes, and each have their unique facial and bone structure, it highlights what they all have in common ...their large luscious lips.
478
I never see the bloody lips again, though it appears she has done damage ...and they remain bigger, not the natural look for her. I see another change then. She now begins eating and eating …and eating. I figure I know why she is eating so much ---and I begin to give her my food too.
I see that as she eats and eats ---she gets bigger and bigger. She just sits around and belches and performs other sundry gross functions. Soon our dad, whom she didn't know of, no longer comes around. I am very thankful for that, and I am very thankful for her. I somehow feel her gross mannerisms are responsible for his not coming around anymore. And that means I am no longer beaten, and she is no longer abused.
Crazy Larry's body stops shaking. Shannon wonders whether he is still alive. She is too frightened to get closer, but she must. He is sweating profusely and she checks his pulse. His heartbeat is racing. Suddenly, he grips the rails of the bed, his fingernails cutting into the bottom of his palm, causing it to bleed.
I really look up to her. She is the reason I no longer am visited by my dad for these senseless beatings ---sometimes nearly beaten senseless. I see her clever ways. Once he stops coming around, she stops eating so much. She only eats here and there. But she continues to keep the weight on. That is a mystery to me, until I happen upon her secret.
I see her sneak out of her bedroom one night ---and I follow. She goes to the basement. There is a room down there set up as a weight room. And that's where her secret is revealed to me. She doesn't see me. But I see as she peels off layer after layer of clothes ---and some stuffing that she'd duct-taped to herself. I see that she isn't big anymore ---or rather she is big in another way. She is now becoming very muscular.
She had turned her weight into muscle, but she still stuffs her clothes to make it look like she hadn't changed. It is a real art, and she is really good at it. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would have never known.
479
Then one night, she sees me. I promise I won't tell, but I don't think she likes me. She doesn't like anyone sharing in her secret ---and I think she still fears that man will come back.
At eighteen, my sister leaves the group home. With too many painful thoughts and memories …I fear I'll never see her again. I hear she wants to become a nurse. There are many things I want to end up becoming, but as a few short years pass, I end up in a private mental institution …with none other than my sister as the nurse. I discover that our father owns the facility, but I'm certain she never knew of this connection to the place …nor his relationship to her. I begin to realize what Mom had said about my father keeping all his cracked eggs in one basket. He is still attempting to maintain that control …while still keeping that grip of fear wrapped around her. It is sick the way he tries to keep us both within his wicked and watchful eye ---his basket of cracked eggs.
She continues to wear her armor ---in fear that if she didn't, he'd make himself known in the way he had in the past. She does a good job at making herself look big. But if you know her secret, like I do, you can tell by the muscles in her hands.
At the mental institution, I meet someone who I oddly trust from the very beginning. Previous to this, I've only trusted two people in my life ---Nanny and Mom. Her name is Maggie Major. And it is quite an experience knowing her.
Crazy Larry begins shaking the bed. This time his entire body doesn't shake ---just his upper torso and arms.
I am only trying to help the helpless young man. It seems all my sister's horrible memories are being taken out on the young man. She strips herself of her armor. Now dressed like one of those All-Star wrestlers, she exhibits her quite unbelievable form …from all those driven agonizing hours of workout.
480
She picks up the young man over her head, as if to say that no man will ever control her again. Then she slams him down, slams herself upon him, and pins him to the floor ---before leaping up with arms raised in victory.
It is scary! In an attempt to show that she will not be controlled, she is fully demonstrating that she still is. I fear for the young man's life. The inevitable is soon to happen. And the confrontation leads to ….the accident.
An attempt to save the young man's life ---costs my sister hers. And I land in prison, where I rightfully feel I belong.
Shannon cries and prays ---cries and prays. She prays he is not caught in past destructive memories. The mind is not merely a receptacle of past experiences. New ideas can also enter the mind. She prays that his mind will be renewed.
Suddenly, it gets real quiet. She wonders whether he's alive, as he lies there so deathly still. She immediately checks his heartbeat. It has slowed considerably ...and he is breathing normally. Shannon can't bear being away from Dad's side any longer. She kisses the old Chief on the forehead. She whispers, "God be with you." And she departs.
The thoughts do not depart from Crazy Larry though. He sequences through his past:
I recognize the connection with one of the psychiatrists at the prison. I had only seen him one time before, at the mental institution, but the possibility of the connection scares me. Then there is another Stephen that comes into my life. What is it with these Stephens? Every time there is a Stephen, something happens. And sure enough it happens!
All the lights go out, except for the light of the fire. Everything is out-of-control. No one really knows what happens inside of a prison, except those who witness it ---and that truth is locked up inside a person, in fear the truth may escape.
481
The truth is, I feel no one cares what might happen to us. I feel it's up to us to find our own way out. But some of us are trapped within our rooms by the wall of flames.
I see another light, scanning about randomly, occasionally flashing against the ceiling. I suspect it is flashlights, as I hear Casey's voice down the hall, "Every man for himself! You gotta find your own way out!"
The flames are so lively one minute, I can't imagine how they are diminishing so quickly. Then I see that faint form. Someone has a fire extinguisher …but that someone has nearly extinguished himself. The last flame being extinguished is the last glimmer of light. And that last light is barely enough to see that faint form fall to the floor.
I react! I have to save the person who had attempted to save me. I somehow feel it must be Stephen behind that bit of heroics. Now I must save him.
It's pitch-black, but I gauge the distance from which the figure has fallen. I try to pick him up, but I'm not that strong ...I think it's this medication they have me on.
I need help, but I can't count on any of the workers. The flashlights were no longer in the area. Casey had taken charge, and the others had obviously followed him. He's not going to help a prisoner. He won't even help a co-worker. Casey will only help himself.
I holler out to Tennessee Trucker. I know he will help me. And he is stronger than anyone I know.
Trucker follows my voice, his strong arms gathering beneath my straining effort ---picking up our fallen hero with ease. I run into my room and grab my sheets ---I don't know why, but they come in handy. In the foster home, I used to make ropes out of them to climb out of the second story window.
482
My eyes begin to adjust. It is an overcast night, but for one brief moment the clouds part, and the moon illuminates part of the fence. There is a gigantic hole in the fence. Within the lights of his vehicle, the perimeter guard is seen cautiously approaching on foot. I have to act before he reaches the hole in the fence. It is a very windy night. I wait until the right moment ---and I release the sheets.
I run towards the sheets ---screaming. Trucker knows what to do. I had created a diversion. Every prisoner knows well what a diversion is. He breezes through the hole in the double fence ---the moon's light helping him avoid the razor wire strewn about.
The moon moves back behind the clouds. I don't see Trucker, I just see the guard standing in the light of his own vehicle. He raises his rifle, and aims at me. I don't think my screaming was such a good idea. I think I would have gotten shot by the perimeter guard if Trucker had not dropped what he was doing, or who he was carrying ...to grab the perimeter guard.
He squeezes him until he falls into a heap. Then Trucker does what he hasn't been able to do in years …he gets behind the wheel of the truck.
Trucker drives to where he had dropped Stephen. Yes, by the lights of the vehicle I see that it is, in fact, Stephen ---no one else would have tried to save us. The lights of the vehicle now illuminate the area of the fence, so I can step through the hole, and avoid the razor wire.
I can never stand seeing anyone injured or in trouble, especially if it's life-threatening. I run to the guard's side. A pulse, still breathing, ---must have the wind squeezed out of him. It's a real relief that he is alive. I also relieve him of fifty dollars from his wallet. After all, there is also another life I must be concerned with ---that of Stephen.
483
When I get to the truck, Trucker reaches down within his tucked in shirt. He hands me a bag. I look inside. It's his playing cards! He has every one of his decks, his precious possessions, in that bag ---and he is giving them all to me!
I don't know what to think next. Trucker says he's going back.
I don't understand ---but I do. He's been locked up so long, he is afraid to face the outside world again. In a way, prison isn't much different than his trucking business. It's an escape ---one he's not ready to escape from. The very reason he took to trucking was to avoid confrontation ---to avoid interactions for the most part. And in the system ---that makes for a model prisoner. The ones who do the best in prison are the loners ---as long as they are left alone. And with Trucker's size and strength, everyone leaves him alone.
Clothed, and with three square meals ---Trucker has what he wants. The trucking business he had worked for, had become too confrontational. His peaceful job had become less than peaceful. Rumors circulated of illegal substances.
And that load fell upon Trucker.
Prison isn't so bad, for some ---it is the process of getting there that is bad. It's the confrontation ---the arrest ---the judgment ---the less than humane treatment. But now he is in prison, and he can be a loner again. And furthermore, he is respected and accepted by all the other prisoners. As I see it, it's a clear choice ---the prison, or the outside world? The outside world is too unstable ---he'll stay.
I'm so touched by Trucker giving me his prized possession. I want to give him something in return ---but what do I have to give?
I give Trucker a hug ---but am thankful he doesn't hug me in return. I don't want to end up like the guard. What else can I do? I offer him the only thing I can ---"You can sleep in my room tonight. That is ---if you don't mind not having any sheets. There's still a blanket and bedspread for you."
484
I've only driven a few miles when there is a car blocking the road. I imagine they may be setting up roadblocks to try to stop me, but how could they have responded so quickly?
Then I see something I can relate to. Someone is kicking the car. It isn't a blockade. So, I stop.
A young man is going to take a friend to the midnight movie, but his car keeps stalling out. I tell him I will trade ---I'm good at fixing cars. He says he really likes trucks, and his friend will really be impressed if he picks her up in one. He points to the house he lives in ---and says I'm a real pal. If I get the car fixed, he says I can take it for a spin.
I get it fixed, and take it for a spin. I spin it all the way to --- Maine.
I try to blot out all the things I've done, but I can't. I was sent to prison for something that wasn't my doing ---I had tried to prevent it. I still feel guilty, but it wasn't really my fault. I should not have been sent to prison, but now that I'm out, I'm finding myself doing all the things I don't want to do ---my whole life I just wanted a chance to start over.
So much of my life I've been called crazy, that I just acted the role. I'm in this mess in the first place because of a long list of injustices ---and I'm beginning to hate myself. The only time that I actually ever felt any hope at all ...was just before I had gone to prison, having met Maggie. She made me feel special. I want to have her high set of standards. But those days are over. Now I'm turning out to be exactly what everyone expects me to be ---and I'm doing the very things I hate.
What is this torment of injustice? "If you can't beat them, join them" ---it's a terrible solution.
One wrongdoing leads to another. Now I'm a fugitive.
I took the money. I took a car, or traded a car ---which really was stealing. 'Make a Wish Foundation' becomes my next lie, and I become a stowaway on an airplane. I really hope this Stephen doesn't get airsickness.
485
Once we land on the island, I can barely walk. The plane ride was so long ---and in such a cramped area. Stephen is really sick. He had smoke inhalation from putting out the fire ---then I was so driven to escape, I stupidly stuck him in the trunk, and exposed him to more fumes. Then when the boat caught on fire, we jumped ship and he nearly drowned. Now I'm airsick ---and nauseous from all that refueling.
When they go to greet the others before unloading the plane, I make my escape. I can't escape my guilt though. I should leave Stephen here and let them take care of him, but instead I steal a small boat and take Stephen with me. All I want to do is escape. I just want to get away ---from everyone.
But obviously I don't want to run from everyone. After all ---I have Stephen with me. If he survives, I can tell him how I saved his life. We drift for days ---upon days. I'm getting sick, but he's beginning to come to. I'm not fully aware of his improved condition though ---until he stands up. I can't believe he has the strength to stand, but he does ---and he falls overboard.
The boat has life preservers. I don't know why so many of us refuse to put them on ---feeling it's okay to just have them in the boat. It's like strapping a helmet to the back of a motorcycle ---a lot of good that does.
I grab the two life preservers. Instinctively, Stephen is flailing ---not swimming, but thrashing. I don't know if he can even swim, I just know he isn't doing too well at this time. I throw both life preservers at him. One of the preservers hooks one of his flailing arms, remarkably keeping his head above water. At least one thing has worked better than I expected.
486
I jump in after him ---have to get to him before his arm gets loose.
So much for preparing to tell him how I saved his life ---I'm almost killing him in the process. I took him from a fire and brought him to a fire. Twice fumigated him ---once in the car trunk and another time traveling 'fugitive class' air travel. And now this makes twice that I almost drowned him.
By the time I reach him, his arm is almost out of the strap. I pull on it once from behind, then with amazing ease, I'm able to slip it over the other arm. I quickly clasp it in front. Okay, I reached him in time. He's safe and secure ---now to get my life preserver on.
I have a much more difficult time getting mine on.
I have a backpack on ---and I'm sure a life preserver isn't meant to go over a backpack. I'm so exhausted ---no effort to even worry. I've no idea where I really am. All I can see is water, water, and more water. I'm so tired.
Stephen already appears asleep. I put my arm around his neck to keep his head from dropping down. I want so much to sleep too ---and I do.
When I awaken, I feel so relaxed ---moving smoothly through the water with my arm still around Stephen.
I guess I'm rested enough to start worrying again. Where is my boat? And I also hope the waters don't contain anything that might consider us part of the food-chain.
487
The scorching sunlight glimmers across the water, blinding my vision, so I close my eyes again. It is so relaxing. It feels like we're gliding slightly faster through the water than I'd anticipate from a simple drift. I let my mind drift once more, imagining how at times people had reported being saved by dolphins.
I let that thought drift for only a second or two, before I turn around and open my eyes gradually.
I suddenly see that it's not on porpoise ---but it's not by accident either ---why we are drifting so quickly. Perhaps I'm hallucinating ---hunger, thirst, and exhaustion, ---all playing a factor, along with this blinding light, and wishful thinking. I close my eyes again, this time opening them more slowly, allowing more time for my eyes to adjust.
I see a shadow. My vision is still blotchy from the intense sun refracting zillions of prisms of light from each surface droplet, extending out for ---forever, across the boundless waters. I focus hard. The faint shadow is ---my boat!
I turn my head back as far as I can. Suddenly, I see that it's not my boat anymore! It never really was my boat ---I had taken it, but now someone had taken it from me.
There are two boats ---the one I had considered mine and the other one which has us in tow, by a rope or woven vine, tied to the back of our life preservers.
Such a rapid transition from such peacefulness and tranquility ---to such a state of panic. It's a tribal people ---the type the missionaries so freely greet with happy faces ---but this is a reverse greeting. I don't feel like I can express myself freely ---it feels like we're being held captive.
488
I guess I can be thankful they saved us ---but, saved us for what? The facial paint is rather intimidating, not to mention the clubs and spears.
When we near their island, the water is too shallow to bring us in tow, so they literally carry us by the back of our life preservers ---one on each side of each of us. Then they lower us gently to the sand.
I try to shore up the proper emotion ---to try not to show fear. Having been in mental hospitals and prison, I have a broad perspective on what should be the thing to do in almost any situation ---I think.
In the prison, I tried not to act like I was intimidated. That wouldn't work here ---I am intimidated. In the mental hospital, if I showed fear ---everyone else may likewise react in fear. I don't want that! Fear and spear may go hand in hand …or from hand to heart.
I have no clue. I have no idea what to do ---but whatever I do, I feel I should do it quickly …in a slow kind of way ---not to make them defensive.
I breathe deeply, groan, and grunt. I feel this is probably universal ---and they'll think I'm in distress. I take off my backpack, in hopes they'll think I am getting a gift for them, rather than think I'm retrieving a weapon. I had taken a huge zip-lock bag from the airplane. It has first aid items and a camera inside. I'd also placed the precious gifts I had received from Trucker in the bag. It isn't much, but it's all I have. Food would be nice, but I had pureed and spoon-fed Stephen our last.
I'll show them how the camera works, ---they'll be amazed. Don't aim it at them, I tell myself, it may startle, or anger them. But I can take Stephen's picture. And I can use the flash for effect.
489
He is stretched out on his back on the sand. I don't realize he is coming to. I aim. Suddenly he sits up! In a flash, he falls back.
The tribal people look on. Do they think I injured him?
It is an instamatic camera. I wait for the picture to develop. Then I show it to them. But they don't seem amazed ---they seem confused. And I'm afraid what confusion may prompt them to do.
One of them begins searching through my backpack, while another has the zip-lock bag ---and spills a deck of cards across the sand. To this ---they jump back!
A King, Queen, and Jack are facing up. There is a Joker too. Perhaps the playing cards look as tribal as the tribe themselves.
I pick up another deck of cards and begin shuffling them in an impressive manner ---though I doubt they are impressed, by the look on their painted faces.
I don't know what to do next, so I do the only thing I can think of doing ---what Trucker would have done.
I ignore everything around me, and I play Solitaire.
It seems I can do nothing right. Perhaps Stephen and I are doomed.
Suddenly the earth shakes. The tribal people take notice now ---but not of me. I try to mimic the sound ---with my loudest vocal blast. I throw the cards high into the air, and let them float back to their place on the sand.
Now I have their attention! I begin to draw frantically in the sand. I draw the mountain, pointing at the mountain.
490
I quickly grab another deck of cards, holding them at the drawing of the mountain top while giving another vocal blast …as I throw those cards into the air. They jump back! Suddenly I feel no fear. I'm in control again. And I have their undivided attention.
I pick up several of the face cards and run to the water's edge. With another vocal blast, I throw those cards in the water. Then I pick up one of the life preservers, with the vine rope still attached, and throw it in the water.
Now things are working right for me. As I pull on the vine rope, retrieving the life preserver ---to my delight I see there is a playing card caught within.
It is at this moment that I realize the similarity. Stephen's shirt is as bizarre looking as the designs on the playing cards.
I point to the playing card and I point to Stephen.
I hold the playing card in my hand, and the photo I had taken of Stephen with the camera. I quickly put the playing card behind Stephen's photograph.
I show them Stephen's photo and quickly gather together as many of the playing cards as I can, putting them in their box, and placing them on the sand at the foot of the mountain drawing ---with Stephen's photo on top.
I dig a hole at the top of my mountain drawing.
I get two Jacks and place them on each side of the deck, and walk the deck up the mountain with Stephen's photo on top. Then I place the deck and Stephen's photo in the hole I had dug at the top of my mountain drawing. I cover them up with the sand, having the two Jacks walk back down the mountain.
491
The tribal people suddenly leave. I'm relieved, but I wonder what they will do next. I am not looking forward to their return, nor the anticipation of not knowing when that will be.
I wonder why I had done what I had done. But for the moment, I'm thankful. In a panic situation, people do the most bizarre things ---and even more bizarre ---others often follow them.
The next day, the tribal people return. They have a small platform on poles. They pick up Stephen, and place him on the platform. Then they begin carrying him up the mountain.
I hadn't even understood what I was doing, but they understood. The loud blast had sent Stephen
from the mountain ---out to sea. Or had Stephen run from the mountain? Whatever their beliefs, or understanding of it, they are now returning him to the mountain ---to pacify the mountain.
I follow. I have to see what they are going to do with Stephen ---after all, it is my doing. Whatever they are about to do, I'm responsible for it.
They carry him to the edge of a deep canyon. At its narrowest point, there's a plateau about fifty feet away ---on the other side of the canyon. Several other men of the tribe come from behind a large tree with what appears to be a ladder, with ropes made of vines attached. With very precise movement, they swing the ladder out, and touch it to the other side.
To my amazement, they pick up the pole platform and walk, with Stephen, across their constructed ladder to the plateau. For the first time, I see one of the tribal people smile, as I cautiously crawl across to join them.
492
At the far end of the plateau is a cave ---or tunnel through the rock. Light can be seen on the other side. They place Stephen in the hole, and I watch as two men carefully scoot back through the narrow tunnel. After a couple minutes, they return without Stephen.
They then escort me back to the ladder bridge, and allow me to drop down on all fours ---to crawl back across, while several of them continue to smile.
About fifty of the men stay on the plateau as the makeshift ladder bridge is removed. Nearly five times as many remain with me and proceed down the mountain.
My first thought is to begin gathering food for Stephen. I begin placing the food on the platform they had carried him up the mountain on.
Soon they catch on to what I'm doing. They smile ---and emerge with a staggering amount of food they had already gathered and prepared.
They carry the food up the mountain and to the plateau. The fifty men appear grateful for the food we had brought them. But more importantly, I watch them bring some food to the tunnel at the other end of the plateau.
Three days pass where they bring food to the tunnel ---then on the fourth day Stephen crawls from the tunnel. A couple of the men help him back through the tunnel. They want him to eat, but not eat with them. He has to stay in his proper place through the tunnel.
493
I am so happy to have seen Stephen, I get there early on the fifth day. Once again, I see him crawl from the tunnel ---and two men drag him back to where he belongs.
The sixth day, I do not see Stephen. I wonder if they'd been so frantic about him leaving the tunnel that they might have hurt him.
On the seventh day, Stephen does not crawl from the tunnel ---he bolts from it!
He gets past nearly a dozen men before they even have a chance to react, but then ---react they do!
I think I understand the motivation for each. The tribe feels that for the mountain to be satisfied, Stephen cannot escape. They want to return him back through the tunnel where they feel he belongs.
And of course, I cannot deny that this is mostly my doing. I don't know what I thought I was doing, but I somehow had brought them to believe this.
Of course, what I didn't tell them is perhaps the most fearful of all. I didn't tell them what abilities the 'Man in the Mountain' possesses. So, they've no real idea what they're up against. Perhaps he can leap that fifty feet from the plateau to the other side. After all, they believe he had escaped before ---they don't really know how, but they obviously fear what might happen if he escapes again.
Stephen, on the other hand, is motivated out of love. He has to get back to his family ---somehow!
494
The tribe responds as one. It seems they feel they have to stop Stephen before he reaches the end of the plateau. We'd just brought all of them the daily ration of prepared food, so some of the men have a much greater distance to go ---but that distance is quickly diminishing.
Stephen shows some rather unbelievable moves to get past the frontline of defense. It looks like a highlight film of the best of the NFL. He breaks one tackle after another ---as they unsuccessfully try to stop him.
As Stephen reaches the end of the plateau, he suddenly realizes that there's no way out. He looks up at me ---only fifty feet away, but across that dreaded canyon.
Impressed by his drive and determination, I throw up my arms to signal "touchdown".
The men standing with me also throw up their arms.
I walk past the men, and give each of them 'high-fives'. The men on the plateau had formed two straight lines behind Stephen. I anticipate they are preparing how they are going to grab him ---to return him back through the tunnel. But to my surprise, they also throw up their arms. They are all lined up like a Military Honor Guard, but they are smiling. These men appear to standing in apparent appreciation of Stephen's grand effort.
Stephen turns around suddenly, and throws up his arms.
He walks down between the two lines of men, giving them all "high-fives". Then he turns back to me.
I will never forget the conversation that takes place next. It isn't really what Stephen says. It's more of what I tell myself. I feel terrible at this moment, as if I suddenly believe what my father had said ---or I'd imagined he said.
495
I seldom had individuals come into my life who were encouraging ---who made me feel good about myself, not until Maggie came along, and ---now, with Stephen.
Now, the only one who can come close to understanding me or caring about me ---is Stephen. I still believe he cares, but he doesn't understand my fears.
Stephen wants to understand, "Well, that was certainly entertaining, wasn't it! Anyone else here speak our language, Larry?"
At this point, I don't know if anyone speaks my language ---the language of fear. I'm afraid of myself ---my own failures. I don't want to be accountable for anything. I've been held accountable for something I hadn't done ---and had gone to prison.
Now, all I want to do is run away and hide. And I feel this island is as good a hiding place as any.
I feel accepted here in a strange sort of way. My whole life has been a strange sort of way. But no one here will make me face any of that. I only have to face Stephen's questions, "No, far as I know, no one speaks our language."
Stephen takes a deep breath, "Well, I guess it's up to you and me then. I hope you can do a lot better than me with the what, where, and how categories ---'what' are we doing here, 'where' is here, and 'how' in the world ---or 'where' in the world, and 'how' did we get here?"
I had long been proficient in evasive techniques, "You forgot the why question ---I believe that is probably the supreme question."
496
Stephen tries to avoid tension by attempting to be slightly more lighthearted, "You mean, why the reversal of roles? Why are you now free, and I appear to be the one held captive?"
I've been in so many therapy sessions throughout my life, I know just what to say, "Are any of us truly free? Those of us who think we are free, are often imprisoned within ourselves."
I have to step away at this time. I don't really believe in what I was about to say next ---so I don't say it. How am I going to tell him that I saved his life twice, maybe three times ---when it was I who had put his life on the line? And I should expect him to be grateful ---for what?
Stephen probably doesn't consider this being saved.
All he would care about at this time would be his family ---they are his life. I'm not giving him life, I'm helping take it away. But I still can't be sure what would happen if I tell these tribal people that he is not really the 'Man in the Mountain'. I can't deal with all this guilt.
I'm afraid to make any more decisions, to take any more chances.
I decide not to chance letting Stephen see me again.
I will get rid of these clothes ---and clothe myself with the island. I will paint up my face, and rub the earth into every pore of my body. And I will become ---as the earth. I will become the people ---the people of the island.
I want to blend in with them and not be noticed.
I try to keep myself hidden. Then something very strange happens. Our island is invaded by Komodo dragons.
497
I think they blame me. Stephen is believed to be the 'Man in the Mountain', but they seem to think somehow that I must be the 'Man of the Sea'. And they seem prepared to return me there ---like they did Stephen to the mountain. Like they returned Stephen to the mountain to appease it ---they are likewise prepared to return me to the sea ---so the Komodos will stop coming.
I don't particularly like that plan, so I come up with my own plan. I begin herding all the Komodos ---to the canyon.
I amaze them with the cigarette lighter that I had taken from the zip-lock bag. The entire tribe
jumps back as I quickly produce fire. Then with huge fire sticks, I herd the Komodos. The tribesmen chant together, "Vea Viliami".
At that point, they make me their Chief. And one chief thing I make sure is always done ---the
'Man in the Mountain' has to eat. And his guardians on the plateau have to report back to me ---whether the 'Man in the Mountain' has eaten, and whether he is well or not.
I feel I'm responsible for Stephen being here, and I'm going to continue to be responsible. I'm going to keep him alive. He may wonder, for what? But, I will keep him alive.
There is something to be said for being alive.
Suddenly, Larry tosses and turns. This is the last phase of his struggle. Whether he lives or dies will be determined by his will to live. And deep inside Larry, he still can be called upon to be responsible, even though he doesn't understand much about what is going on.
498
Stephen had taken ill about the same time Larry had taken ill. With him not being well, he is uncertain whether anyone else will take care of Stephen. He can't assume anyone else will ---it is his responsibility. He has to check on him. If Stephen isn't okay, it is no one's fault but his own.
*************
Cindy's emotions are all over the map ---from unbelief to grief ---from hysteria to prayer ---from relief, thanks, and eager anticipation ---to uncomfortable feelings of old. The feelings of old begin to dominate ---with fear of rejection. The lack of love, and the constant conflict spur on overall general bad feelings.
Cindy has to rid herself of the negative thinking. The best thing to do is to visit Fernye again, before she leaves for Indonesia to join her husband. Fernye is the most positive person she knows.
The walled community makes life so much simpler. Fernye lives just next door.
Out of respect, she calls first. But something isn't right. Fernye doesn't sound like Fernye.
Cindy hurries next door. She is greeted by both Fernye and Rebekkah. Cindy feels slightly hurt that Rebekkah knows more about all this than she does. But she realizes what a great asset Rebekkah is ---with her ability to get things done.
Rebekkah has arranged Cindy's flight. She'll be leaving for Indonesia in a couple hours. Rebekkah also believes it is best not to tell the children at this time, "Let's see if Stephen makes it through first."
Cindy knows how easy it is to be swayed into adopting Rebekkah's opinions, but she is surprised that Fernye agrees. How is she going to explain leaving the country without the children knowing why. Fernye doesn't look well ---and she doesn't seem like her good old self ---she just looks old.
Fernye is the oldest person on record, though she has never seemed old to Cindy ---not until this very moment. Fernye's positive attitude and uplifting character seems to be absent today. But she insists she'll be okay ---she just wants to rest.
499
Cindy and Rebekkah leave. Cindy goes back to her place to gather her luggage for the trip. What did Fernye think Cindy would tell the children? Was she to tell them that she is flying out to see Shannon, since she misses her so much? She would want the children to be open and honest with her ---so why tell only part of the truth?
She should be feeling good about this. There is hope she'd be getting her husband back. But she isn't feeling that way. She isn't feeling like she is gaining ---she feels like she is losing it. She feels absolutely miserable ---and she feels miserable because she feels miserable about feeling miserable.
Cindy feels Fernye can get all the rest she wants ---later. She'll give Fernye one more hug before she leaves. She knows Fernye won't mind one last pleasant interruption.
Cindy is hysterical. Fernye is on the floor. She barely has a pulse. She picks up Fernye. She knows she can get to the hospital quicker than an ambulance. She nearly sprints, carrying Fernye in her arms. She hurries to the van, carrying Fernye. She has to get to the hospital right away.
Cindy collapses as she runs through the emergency entrance with Fernye in her arms.
The hospital personnel bring Fernye back to life, but they say Cindy has temporarily messed up hers. They put Cindy in traction. She is not to move her back. And it may be weeks before she can.
Fernye comes to Cindy's hospital room, and positions a chair beside her bed, "I love you so much! You are the best Granddaughter in the whole world." She lowers her head to kiss Cindy's hand. She never does lift her head. Fernye dies there.
*************
Rebekkah not only recommends that Cindy not tell the children about Dad, but now she says it is probably best that Shannon not be told about Fernye. Rebekkah says it'll probably be too much pressure on Shannon at this time. Cindy feels this is too much pressure on herself, but she'll follow Rebekkah's lead.
500
Cindy knows that Shannon will have to be told something. She will be expecting Mom to arrive soon. But Cindy is in no shape to arrive anywhere soon. She'll let Rebekkah call and explain that she is in the hospital, but will be okay ---and Shannon is not to worry about her.
*********
Meanwhile, Shannon sits quietly in Dad's new room. He'd just been moved to this other building ---so his screams won't disturb other patients. Soon he will be given that terrible medication.
Shannon knows she has to put aside those horrible images ---the intense struggle he has to go through. The terrible medication is also a wonderful medication. It is intended to save his life ---if it works. The Doctor is honest about it. No one has ever lived once reaching this advanced stage of the illness. This new medication doesn't bring much hope of survival, but they have to try something ---or there'll be no chance.
As the medication is administered, they all encourage Shannon, and pray with her. But then Shannon surprises them all, "I'd like to be alone with him while he goes through this."
Maggie feels the need to speak up, "You know, the Doctor advises against it. It will be absolute horror, watching him go through it. You shouldn't do this to yourself. It's too much to expect anyone to bear. Besides, you can always help him later if he gets through this. That's when he will really need you. At this stage, he won't really know you are even here."
Shannon insists, "I'll know that I'm here!" She doesn't tell them she had snuck in while the old Chief was fighting from the brink of death. All she wants them to know is, "It's my right to stay. Once Mom gets here, she can join me. Maybe he will be able to feel her presence."
They respect Shannon's right to stay ...but they privately decide to take turns outside the room, in case she changes her mind and needs them. Meanwhile, they all pray ---that not being something they merely take turns at.
501
Shannon recalls the Doctor saying that each struggle will have its own unique horror. Many factors play into the will to live. It is a combination of the past, present, and future.
The past has a lot to do with the person's proven ability to cope ---to rise above. The person's present condition also has a lot to do with it. Each day we can discount our past successes and throw no light on the future ---by our mere frame of mind. But that's the scary part. In this coma-like state there is no registered mind at all. And attempting to get the mind back is one of the biggest risks of all ---trying to bring the mind back to where it was before it had slipped away.
They all wonder what Shannon's frame of mind is at this time? Does she believe there is any hope …how does she perceive the future?
The answer is easy. There is no hope without trying. And there is the belief that it is not solely up to the person's will to live. There is God's Will also ...and there is prayer.
They all know Stephen's past, present, and future concerning God. If Stephen dies, he will be with God …that they are certain of. What they are not certain of is his striving towards family. And how can he strive towards something when he can't even know they are there in the room with him, or are about to be reunited?
For Shannon, this is a much more difficult issue. She is not convinced that it will make much difference, even if he can know she is in the room.
Yes, it will make a difference. She has to convince herself that it will. She knows it will! She has to know it will. Just because she has never opened up to him, doesn't mean she doesn't know her Dad. In spite of her previous unwillingness to accept his love, he always continued to love her. That was true then ---and that is true now. She can't let doubt rule this moment. She is certain he loved her …and if he ever makes it through this, she'll be there to tell him she loves him too.
"Oh, God, please give me a chance to tell him!"
*******
She knows that soon Dad will be going through the unimaginable. She prays that it will not be as intense as it was with the Chief. Or maybe he will not have to go through it at all. But if that means death, then that is not her hope. Shannon wonders if her prayer is a selfish one. Would Dad prefer to pass on ---to be joined with his Heavenly Father? And if that was his desire, would it be fair for her to pray against that?
502
Some would pray that he have no pain, and to rapidly recover. Others may say that they would pray for life, if it could be without pain, but if the pain proves to be too great, they'd pray for peaceful passage.
Shannon thinks about all this. She can do nothing, if she does not pray the desires of her heart. She will accept God's Will either way ---but she will pray for Dad to live, even if it means he will have to go through seemingly unbearable pain.
After all, the worst pain imaginable is the heart wrenching pain of emotional unrest. She at least wants to be able to tell him that she loves him. And Mom's flight will be arriving shortly. She won't be going through this alone. Mom will be by her side, sharing Dad's burden.
*****************
Dad begins to toss and turn. Shannon knows it's about to begin. She has to prepare herself ---for a nightmare of the worst kind. She thinks back to the writing assignment she had helped her youngest brother with. The assignment was to be about something that could be the worst imagined ...but she would never want to imagine this.
She remembers Samuel didn't much like the subject either. So they had changed the subject to pleasant dreams. They had talked about riding Arabian horses down sandy beaches.
Shannon had lived out that dream. She had ridden her Arabian horse on the island's sandy beaches. But she had found a truer love. True love is when we give up our dreams for what we believe in ---and she believes in Dad.
Only Stephen can sort all this out at this point. Well, not really! He would be the first to admit it is not just his struggle. He believes God can sort it all out.
* ** *** **** ***** ****** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** *As reality clashes with what may be imagined real, the collective ideas and thoughts that had become to be known as 'Stephen', begin to fall into place:
In Stephen's world, everything that was, ceases.
But if it ceases to be, then why the presence of the question? The lights had gone out, and it is so dark. When you are in complete darkness, you search for answers. But you find little comfort.
Everything is at a standstill. There is a big pause.
Nothing has direction. Doubt riddles any thought, or purpose. Everything is in darkness.
503
There is no thought ---there is nothing. How can there be no thought, yet there be a determination that everything is in darkness? To understand darkness, one has to have at one time been exposed to light. Conversely, to understand light, does one have to be exposed to darkness? Sad as it may seem to be, suffering often is the chosen path towards appreciation of light ---of life.
In life, there is no escape to nothingness …nor is there any need. But what most don't understand, neither is there an escape to nothingness in death. Death is a process, riddled with confusion, and denying the light. Death is not a single moment, nor an end in itself. It is a direction.
I know there will be light ahead. Light is a direction also. It is the path I have chosen. A path is a visible direction. Unlike darkness, it is not possible to follow unless it is made visible. It is a path of the heart ---which Jesus made visible. And we have to enter that path before we pass on. That path provides for us a rebirth.
I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper ---or am I traveling back to my own conceived beginning? It feels like I am surrounded by water. It is so dark, yet strangely comfortable. This first comfort was in not knowing, birthed with innocence ---yet filled with busy excitement, poised and ready to be known. I still feel secure in returning to this first comfort, as the joy of knowing doesn't quite match this first comfort.
504
As I proceed, there are many comforts that draw me near. I hate to admit it, but some of these comforts are even false comforts. Yet, as the first comfort was in not knowing, a new comfort speaks anew in knowing. It is in knowing ---that which reaches deep inside ---yet birthed from without, which defines this rebirth.
I no longer have the fear and doubt. They are emptied out of me, and I feel this rebirth. As they say, if we are born once, we die twice. But if we are born twice, we die once ---and live twice. The second 'twice', whether of death or life, is eternal.
This is the most vivid of all. This was my purpose before all became darkness. I was trying to communicate to them about the Light.
They are mad. It's about Casey. They'd seen him leave the building. They know how long he'll be gone. Casey is very predictable. Predictability can be comforting, but it can also be tormenting. It's a brief moment of comfort now, for a time, until he returns.
It is at this time that they confront me. They know that I see what they see.
Max is first to confront, "How would you feel if you were told you were going to die tonight?"
I am not afraid of the prisoners. This is not a threat. I see the desperation in their eyes, and in the nature of their question ...though I don't fully understand the motivation behind it.
505
Crazy Larry takes over, "I don't really fear death. But I know it can be scary to most people. And just because I don't fear it, doesn't mean I don't mind Casey telling us all the time that we're going to die ---telling us that death is in our food, in the medication we get, in the mattresses we sleep on . . ."
Max adds, "It's not only that; Casey also tells us we are going to die and go to hell, to be tormented forever. He says there is no escape from it because we've already been sentenced. It's because of who we are ---convicted felons."
I look into each of their individual hurts and into their angry eyes. I do not show them anger in return. My eyes soften with compassion, yet speak boldly, "That's not true! Those who pass judgment are most in danger of it. We must all decide whether we believe what God says ...but, we are never to pretend to know, or judge how God will deal with each individual at a particular time in their life."
I know that these prisoners may never again approach this depth of seeking. I have to keep on talking, before I lose their attention, "I know that it is hard to imagine a place more tormenting than this one, but the truth is that there is a place. And those who flirt with the ideas of evil intent and attempt to befriend it, have no idea that evil has no friends, only pawns and prisoners."
506
I realize that I may not be talking on their level of understanding. I still have their attention with words like 'torment' and 'hell', but I need to focus more on the simple truth. "Before many of you came here, you likely were led down a path you had no idea where it was leading to. You were shown outright, or perhaps got lost and came upon it. But God shows us a path that leads to the place of no pain and no suffering. This place which has been prepared for us is called Heaven. And we have a guided tour down that path, so we don't get lost; or mistakenly take a wrong turn, leading down the wrong path. God wants there to be no mistake who our guide is …we must follow Jesus!"
Max interrupts, "We are supposed to be guided by a baby?"
Crazy Larry laughs, "Jesus grew up just like we did. He didn't stay a baby!"
Max doesn't like the insinuation that he's stupid. He doesn't like to be laughed at. But he doesn't know what to say.
His best friend Harry speaks, "No, he didn't stay a baby, but he died . . .just like Casey says we are going to. Is that how we follow Jesus? He died, we are going to die . . .are we going to follow him into death?"
The group surrounding me does not look like a close-knit group. The only thing they have in common is their hurt and their anger. A random observer may think they are like a street gang, ready to close in on me. But I know this is not the case. Past their hard exterior, I see a very scared and concerned group.
507
I find myself getting more intense, "No, we follow Jesus into life! Jesus did not just die. He walked out of death into life . . .something we need to do."
They all begin to feed on each other's wild ideas. They are polite enough to take turns, but they are not really listening to one another. They pick up on key words and phrases, then blurt out whatever crosses their minds:
"I know that! But it was the angel. The angel rolled the stone to the grave away. The angel gave Jesus life."
"Yeah, the angel heard about it ...and with those huge wings, a couple flaps and they can travel halfway across the universe. It happened when my mom died. A huge storm came up. I was scared, but the wind was actually coming from the flapping of the angels' wings. The angel brought my mom back to life, but wanted to keep her safe from my dad, so the angel turned my mom into a Canadian goose, so she would be protected."
I know they are taking each other on a wild goose chase, creating more and more wild ideas. Whether it's magic, wizardry, or reincarnation . . .it's all wrong.
I have to stop this nonsense, but before I can, another prisoner blurts out, "That's right, that's what it means to be born again. My brother died, and he came back as my dog. That's what they mean when they say a dog is man's best friend. Actually, I knew it was my brother . . .I could tell by his eyes."
508
I can't stand it anymore! I interrupt loudly, but not rudely, "Now listen here!"
They return the look, penetrating and challenging, yet surprisingly they do listen as I challenge them in return with my strong conviction, "Prison is a humbling experience. I'm assuming most of you don't like prison. Well, you better be thankful for your time here. The advantage you have here is that you don't have the distractions of the world."
I find myself becoming confrontational, "The only distractions are your own mental illnesses."
Crazy Larry speaks up, "It's not just our mental illness, it's people like him." Larry points out the window. Casey is returning. It is dark outside. Only the path is lit. Casey cuts across the grass. "Your co-worker is evil!"
I feel their frustration, "You're talking about hell and evil. I know you have fears, but how can I tell you the way out ...if the minute I say one thing, you all take over and make up ten or more wild stories. Even the stories that you try to tell that have some truth, may have enough untruth to bring about conflict. That's why you have to stick with the Bible and precisely what it says. Most of the Christians in our country have been given some wrong information, in some form or another. Most of the wrong information is not as significant as all the right information we have ...yet, often the less significant becomes more a part of our belief system. What is rather more important ...is that we believe Jesus gave His life for us."
I want to mention how disturbing I find it that a belief system can be based upon thinking a dog is a brother, or a mom being transformed into a goose. Humor is on my mind, how they are barking up the wrong tree ...and not focusing on the one Jesus died on. And that thinking a mom can turn into a Canadian goose ...is going on a wild goose chase. But, they are way too serious ...and no subject is more serious than this one. I restrain myself from adding humor.
"It is not that important if we understand that the fruit Adam and Eve ate was not an apple; and that the wise men were not at the manger scene. It's important who Jesus is, and what He did for us ...not that Joseph, Mary, and Jesus were not white."
Reggie gets excited, "I knew Jesus was black!"
509
Crazy Larry corrects once again, "No, Jesus was not black or white. He was somewhere in-between. He was Jewish."
I don't want to loose my point, "There's much we don't know. Don't focus on the part we don't know about . . .stick to the parts that are talked about over and over. If you don't understand something then ask someone who you feel does know. Like when they talk about being born again. We are born again in the sense of seeing things in a new light. Each of you, when you were born, were precious and innocent. You still are precious, but you may feel you are no longer innocent, because you've been sentenced to come here. I can't honestly tell you that your judgment from your crime will be served with an apology. But I can tell you that you will be saved from eternal judgment in hell if you accept the path Jesus has made clear for us. Be born again! Be born with no hatred, be born with no anger, be born with no bitterness . . .and accept Jesus, accept His forgiveness, accept His sacrifice."
The group suddenly gets quiet. I wonder to what degree they understand what I'd said. They look at each other.
Max looks at Tennessee Trucker, "I don't want to hear all this! Casey just entered the building. He usually goes to the bathroom for seven minutes, then we're back to the same kind of ridicule and degrading attitude that has driven us down our whole lives. We all know that Trucker could take care of Casey. Or all of us together could take care of him, but we all know what would come of that. They would put us all into lockdown, not worry whether we get fed, and force us to urinate on our floor."
510
Reggie adds, "Some of us would probably end up in the 'hole' and we'd be treated even worse than we're treated here. We don't want to go through that. We want you to take care of it. We don't want to hear about this lowly Jesus. We want you to notify the proper people to get rid of Casey!"
I realize I hadn't gotten through to them, but I'm not through trying. "We live in the United States, and you'd at least think we would be united enough to be able to rid ourselves of all injustices. But each night I pray for a small little nation across the ocean . . .the nation of Israel. I have a heart for what all of you are saying, but that little nation has been through more persecution than any other people. They are God's people. God's people are not just Christians . . .we Christians become God's people. Israel always has been. They were looking for God to rescue them from all their torment, so God sent His Son. I won't pretend to know all the reasons why the various people rejected Jesus, but I'd guess that some of the reasons were similar to some of the reasons why each of you may be rejecting what I've been saying. You want me to get rid of your torment . . .just like the people of Israel wanted God to get rid of theirs. You don't want me to suggest that you tolerate Casey, as a concession to not make it worse for yourselves. And even more, how would you feel if I were to recommend that you pray for Casey? The Bible says that we should bless them that curse you, and pray for them that despitefully use you."
I suddenly feel I've really lost them with that.
Trucker begins to talk. He seldom ever talks, unless it's before he does something. "You mean that Jesus is God's Son?"
511
I was so into explaining, I didn't even acknowledge Trucker's question. It was as if I were speaking to myself, for myself. I was forgetting who I was speaking to, and the purpose for it.
I speak as if I'm on the campaign trail, speaking for my benefit, instead of God's purpose, "Just like you are tired of Casey's rule, I can see why the people of Israel were tired of the Roman rule during the time of Jesus. When they were told a Savior had been born, it may have generated both excitement and disbelief. Most of them believed somewhat in their history. They clung onto the wonderful stories of how they were taken out of the bondage of Egypt through Moses, God's chosen instrument of deliverance. But as we soon read on, they were not satisfied nor content. Do you know why? Because they hadn't been delivered inside. That's the deliverance God provides us . . .that Jesus taught."
Trucker repeats, "You mean that Jesus is really God's Son?"
Max adds, "And Mary is the mother of Jesus, so does that make Mary and God, wife and husband?"
Crazy Larry is always poised to correct, "No, Joseph and Mary were husband and wife."
Reggie adds, "Wasn't God's mom's name Mary too? Isn't that why we pray to her?"
Crazy Larry corrects, "No, Jesus didn't ask us to pray to his mom or Himself, but to the Father."
Reggie concludes, "Oh, so we are to pray to Joseph?"
512
Suddenly, it gets quiet. Trucker looks angry and speaks angrier yet, "Stop it! You're confusing me! You're all adding so much. We are mentally ill. If we want to know anything, we have to shut up, and listen. So stop adding things and stop talking away like we can't read the Bible for ourselves."
I messed up so much with my attempt to witness. Trucker appeared to be the one who got their attention. It is not only those whom we label as the mentally ill who can get it all messed up . . .we all can. The Bible is truth. If we imagine beyond the truth, then what do we expect other than something beyond true ----which is by definition, untrue.
Yes, I was the main one who learned something today. I need to stay simple and central to the point. God's Word, the Bible, is available in many languages ...but, mostly to those who speak English, and especially available in the United States. Shouldn't the Bible be our focus? And that reminds me of what I've been back and forth contemplating for some time now. The story, 'The Essence', has to go. I'll take care of it when I get home. It will just cause more wild confusion.
Amongst the confusion, the question returns. How did I get to this point in the first place?
Let's go back to the beginning.
Suddenly, it is as if someone releases the pause button.
"In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, "Let there be light: and there was light."
513
Yes, thank God for the Light!
I am on the path Jesus has illuminated for me.
I just don't know what part of the journey I am presently on. That sudden light I am traveling towards ---is it the eternal light of Jesus, or is it the light of Jesus reflected in my wife and children's eyes?
The darkness ---it is back at the prison. I had extinguished the flame, but must have been overcome by the fumes. Then the light ---the blinding light of the salty water about to engulf me. Every pore of my body goes from being saturated to being parched as I vomit upon burning sands.
Suddenly the earth shakes. Unintelligible voices of panic fill the air. Swallowed up in the confusion, unknowingly, groups of people begin to respond. Has the earth divided as a result of the earthquake? No, they once again come together ---having had long ago been divided. They are confounded. They don't understand. They will follow their own crazy ideas. They will choose their own, so called, enlightened ones. Yet I choose to live on with the truth that I know ---the truth that I pray others will know.
I live on, year after year, my wife and children growing older as I grow old ---but I am far from touching the light of their eyes. Without them I find little meaning in life. I pray to God ---oh, how I had neglected to pray to God. But now, I pray unceasingly. I even pray for all the crazy Larrys out there, and the so-called enlightened ones. After all, they are grossly misled …and merely ignorant of the truth. Only by the grace of God, go I.
I pray to God …and sing praises to Him.
514
But no more! Something has ceased my singing.
I've fallen into darkness ---not eternal darkness, but I've lost the light of my wife and children's eyes. I know the light has not forsaken me though. It will never leave me. It is a promise I cling to.
The shift between light and darkness is not a welcome change. Now, back in darkness, I long for the return of the light. The moments without light do not provide comfort. I long for the light to return.
Suddenly, I see the paths clearly. I am drawn towards both directions, but I stand motionless. I am not certain which to choose, nor whether it will be mine to choose.
One choice is towards eternal light. The destination is pleasant …with no pain, no suffering, and no tears or crying. I feel no pain going in this direction.
The other path is not easy. Absorbed within the intense light of the path to eternal life, it is impossible to even see the other light. But I know it's there. The light that has been placed within me shines brightly from within my heart. It's been placed within me by the light of eternal life. It defines my faith, hope, and love …knowing what is there, even though I can't see it.
I can feel that sense of need …a need greater than my own.
The smiles are not as they once were. I cannot see the light of their eyes, but I know that light is there. They are far away and it is dark, but faith allows me to walk through darkness, knowing the light that exists.
The eternal light is permitting me to return …to go back, with the promise that the path of eternal light is my final destination path …and I look forward to one day traveling it. But for now, I shall return to help comfort the tears, the hurts, and the confusion.
515
I hesitate! The smiles are perhaps …no longer smiles? But they have their Mom …to comfort them …and to help them smile. She will certainly point them to the joy, to the joy Giver, the joy of God's love, through His Son Jesus.
Yes, they have a Mom who will do it all …but she shouldn't have to!! She shouldn't have to do it all by herself! I joined together with her …and I am her partner. I haven't always acted like one, but I love her, and I know without a doubt that she loves me.
As her partner, I can feel the pain. A certain pain rests within her that is inconsolable. And I know she hurts as much as I do. I must return back to her side.
Yes, I can now see the light of her eyes ---the children's too …oh, so much more potential light. I love them all …oh, so very much. And the children miss their Dad too. I will fight through the pain. The suffering, no matter how intense it proves to be …will be worth it.
Shannon watches as Dad fights on. It brings horrible chills down her spine. It's like a crime being committed, so terrifying that one can barely stand to witness it.
It doesn't seem fair. Yes, it could be perceived as just another in a long list of horrible daily injustices. A simple summation would reason that this is common for a world in sin.
She feels the panic of the world, all wrapped up in her Dad's shrieks of terror. Yet, though sin surrounds us, it does not have to reside within us. She is thankful for all the prayers. Dad's struggle thus far has not been as intense as old Chief's. But, for Shannon, it is much worse. After all, it is her Dad ---and the pain of watching him suffer is near unbearable.
516
XXXIII
Maggie enters the room where Shannon is sitting with Dad, "Shannon, Rebekkah just called to say your Mom will not be able to make it. She'll be okay, but she's in the hospital right now. She injured her back to the point where the Doctors want her to be bedridden for a while. And it's probably best no one comes to the island right now. If your Dad makes it through, they'll want to keep him quarantined until they can run some more tests. And we're running low on the medicine to combat this disease. It might be a couple weeks before we can get more in."
************
Rebekkah hadn't mentioned anything about Fernye's passing. But the mention of the words, Dad and Shannon, left Josiah and Samuel staring at Rebekkah as they'd coincidentally entered the room at that very moment.
As soon as she'd hung up the phone, Rebekkah had departed. Cindy feels lousy. The feeling goes way beyond her back pain, to where it really hurts. Josiah and Samuel stand silently for a moment. They are looking to her for an explanation. They don't even know quite what to ask, but Cindy is certain she has to say something. She is not going to openly hide the truth.
Cindy tries to explain it, but it's difficult. Even knowing the truth, it's difficult for her to still comprehend that Stephen is still alive.
She knows she has to share it with them. So as difficult as it is, she tells them that their Dad is very sick, and the chances are against him pulling through.
Cindy is relieved that Josiah and Samuel make it easy on her. Though why would she think otherwise? All this stress is adding more unnecessary stress. Josiah and Samuel understand the need for the quarantine. Besides, as much as they'd want to be by Shannon's side to support her at this time, they feel they should be at Mom's side to help her …and also comfort her in her time of mourning at Fernye's passing. They will support Shannon and Dad with their prayers.
517
Cindy has the strength to beg for more of their understanding. She is still struggling with full disclosure. She asks them not to tell Leah about all this, rationalizing that if their Dad doesn't make it through and survive, she doesn't want to sour Leah's wedding plans. And if he does make it through, he can just surprise Leah and be honored by giving her away at the altar.
Josiah and Samuel are so overwhelmed by the news, they don't know how to react. Josiah feels he never really knew Dad. He was so young when Dad disappeared. And Samuel had never even met Dad. They both loved Dad on video, but that was different. Now their hope is that they soon meet him face-to-face. It is what they want, yet it will be awkward, after all these years. They can't imagine what Mom is going through right now.
********
It is Leah's last evening at the abstinence conference in Grand Rapids. Several churches in the area are participating. They send two buses ---one for the girls and one for the boys. They are of high school age, or single adults. The entire theme is to stress honor and respect in relation to relationships inside and outside of marriage. But the central point is that certain things are only proper within the marriage relationship. The precious emotions of each young person needs to be acknowledged, but they also need to learn that they need not be controlled by emotions alone, but by abstaining from the things that lead the emotions into actions.
Leah understands this. But she doesn't understand the inconsistency she feels exists at the conference. She also doesn't understand why she seems to be the only one who feels this way. Why are they holding a dance for the final evening of the abstinence conference?
Stan leads Leah to the dance floor, "Loosen up a little. Why are you so tense? This is just a prelude to our wedding night."
Leah doesn't like this. The whole focus of the abstinence conference seems to be lost, as far as she is concerned. She looks about her. The look in everyone's eyes scares her. She looks into Stan's eyes, "We aren't having dancing at our wedding."
Stan's eyes are different than the others. His eyes are soft and loving, "I know, but it feels good to dream."
518
******************
At their wedding, Leah dances with Stan. She had conceded to having music and dancing at their wedding. Contemporary Christian music is loudly playing. At the sound of a bell, each young man breaks from his partner and switches to the nearest young lady for his new partner.
Leah recognizes her new partner. It is John Elefante, "I am supposed to give you a message, Leah."
John twirls Leah. The music blasts, "This is what love is ...this is what love is."
The bell rings again. A new partner steps in …Dad? Leah feels really awkward. She is no longer thinking of Stan. She no longer desires that kind of relationship. She is so happy to have her Dad back, she isn't even interested in being married to Stan. But it's too late. This is her wedding. Pastor Tom had already pronounced them husband and wife.
Leah sits up in bed. It was just a dream.
But it was not just a dream. It was odd and rather frightening. Where did that all come from?
She looks around her. She is thankful the other girls are all asleep on their cots. It would be rather embarrassing the way she'd leaped up in bed. Leah still wonders about the strange dream. She feels no ambivalence about marrying Stan. She loves Stan more than she can imagine. And she is very relaxed about the idea of marrying him.
Leah tries to imagine what, if anything, this dream could mean. Sometimes a dream seems to be a product of our fears, sometimes a dream allows us to realize something, and sometimes a dream doesn't seem to have any meaning other than to confuse.
Leah allows this moment, while everyone else is asleep, for quiet reflection and prayer.
At such a pivotal point in her life, she realizes a thing about love. There are many kinds of love. And no one on earth would love her more than Mom …or more than Dad had, for that matter. That kind of love is sacrificial. But what is most significantly relevant is that many loved ones are all praying for her …praying to the One who knows all about sacrificial love. And Leah has always trusted their love and guidance …and she trusts the One who sent His Son to sacrificially provide a way for us.
This love is a simple, yet deep love. All that is necessary is to accept it …and this defines faith. And with the kind of love faith provides, Leah and Stan will hold hands in mutual love and faith as they proceed up the aisle to get married.
Leah relaxes back to sleep.
519
**********************************
Leah will be returning from the conference in time for Fernye's funeral, something Cindy had chosen not to tell her about until she returns. Leah will be returning today. Today is still young ...it is 3:00 a.m., and Cindy has been unable to sleep. She cannot relax. She is in quite a bit of physical pain, but that is not why.
Cindy cannot relax with the idea of Stephen returning. It's been so long since Stephen had disappeared. And it seems so distant now, it doesn't seem possible that he'd be entering their lives again.
Her thoughts race ahead of her. First she has to plan the funeral for Fernye. That will be difficult ---though her Dad will help. He always makes things easier, but the difficult thing will be the sorting out of her emotions. Oh, does she ever miss Fernye! But does she miss Stephen too? It frightens her ---the fact that the thought even comes up in the first place.
But she can't beat herself up because thoughts enter in with her many mixed-up emotions. Often emotions return right back to where they were …when the last encounter was. And there were so many encounters …so many confrontations. Those life events weren't any one person's fault, but the guilt still lingers. It's like that in war too …with the husband missing in action. The very nature of war can tear a family apart by the mere fact that the family is no longer one complete unit. Stresses enter the lives because of that intrusion upon your dreams …and things often don't go well at home. Then when he is classified as missing in action, you worry because you love him …you grieve, you attempt to cope, and eventually you may even accept the fact that he is not alive ---and he is never returning home. You have to cope with that! You have to make life comfortable ---at least do the best you can. And often that best is not the best, but it has become comfortable. To survive through the seemingly inconsolable grief you feel, you disassociate yourself from much of life …and the only way you can cope is through maintaining that disassociation ---even concerning your husband. It's not that way for the strong …but all are not strong.
Cindy tries to remember what Fernye had told her ---something about, when in doubt, let love lead the way. But love isn't leading ---fear is leading the way.
520
**********
For Crazy Larry, the struggle is of an entirely different nature. All of the significant events of his life had flashed through his mind. Now he is resting in darkness.
It is really dark. When people are deprived of light, they strive to maintain sanity. They struggle for hope, for purpose.
The path Crazy Larry is on ---is not a path of light. It is not a path of hope. There is no light on this path. And the only hope is to go back and find the light. But there is no knowledge of it ---no striving towards something that there is no knowledge of. You can't go towards something if you don't know it's there. Unless, of course, someone else guides you.
They continue to pray for guidance. But Shannon prays for ---neither the Chief, nor for Crazy Larry. She prays for neither by that association. She prays for …not so much who he is, but who he could become. And she prays for her Dad. The only thing that Crazy Larry strives for is to save Stephen. He sees the light ---the light of Stephen's eyes. And he goes towards that light. He has to save Stephen. What he doesn't know, is that …the task is already done.
But he doesn't have to know that. God knows. And it is He who does the saving …He who provides the light. That is often not clear to many of us, but it needs to be clear.
**************
Stephen's direction is clear. While on the island, he will keep his mind spiritually and mentally sharp. He will recite aloud the descriptions of our Lord. The Lord, God, who heals, sanctifies, and provides ---our Creator, our all-sufficient, Lord, and Maker ---our loving Shepherd, who sets the standard through peace and righteousness --- the Almighty, all-knowing, ever-present, immutable God.
521
The song of praise rings out in Stephen's head:
El Elyon, El Shaddai,
Jehovah-jireh, Adonai,
Elohim, Jehovah-shammah. El Roi, Jehovah-raah,
Jehovah-saboath-tsidkenu-nissi-shalom,
Loving Lord, thank you …Jesus, prepare for me a home.
**********
Prepare a home for Crazy Larry? There is little doubt that if Crazy Larry survives, he will leave the island a new man. This island, Missionary Island, as most call it, shares the knowledge that lights the path, leading to God's eternal home.
Rebekkah, on the other hand, is trying desperately to find the earthly home ---and family, that would tie together that very complex story that few would be even interested in. But Rebekkah had been at this so long, she doesn't know how not to do it.
Rebekkah gets a call back from the lab. They've made a strange discovery. Two separate tests she'd asked them to run hadn't come up with any conclusive results, other than verifying their own identification. But there was a match from another sample they had on file ---this being the far-reaching benefits of computer technology.
Rebekkah is upset that she had not thought of this before. That old Catholic Church in Old Town, Maine ---she had been there. She'd been so close, but had come up empty-handed. Why hadn't she thought of it? Catholic churches keep some of the best records ---and they never throw them away.
This particular church in Old Town, has a young priest though. And that young priest had throw the old records away. So much for respect of the forefathers of record-keeping. But this young priest did give the name of the old priest, who, in turn, gave the name of one of the old nuns, who loves children so dearly, she'd kept her own records.
522
Rebekkah is not feeling well the day before Fernye's funeral. She'd tried to track down the nun, but was none the wiser. Then finally, she receives word that the nun is vacationing in Israel, participating in a tour with an old friend, Ray Vander Laan.
Rebekkah passes the information along to another friend who will get in touch with the nun. Rebekkah has gathered all the information from the computer file and has everything pieced together, except this one last detail about Crazy Larry. Perhaps the nun can fill her in.
Rebekkah tells her friend, "I need that information. I'm going to get him, even if it's the death of me."
And it nearly is! Rebekkah has a mild heart attack. Then it hits her again ---not another attack, but the continued reminder that what she is doing, what she has been doing all along, what she's been doing for a lifetime ---is all wrong. But she has continually failed to stop herself. Maybe this attack will stop her. She wonders if this is a big enough wake-up call ? No, not really! She just needs a little more time. Then she will stop ---it all!
Rebekkah is told by her physician that she should come in for a check-up, right away ---but she says she needs at least another week and a half. "Ten days …I'll come in for a check-up in ten days."
Meanwhile, she'll put together a video of her will ---just in case.
*************
Crazy Larry obviously has a strong will to live. Ultimately, the final say is not whether others pray for him to live …or not. It will soon become obvious whether God wants him to live for some reason or not. The entire island already knows that God wants us to come to Him with our concerns, so they are very clear on their course …and they continue in prayer.
On Missionary Island, life isn't always easy or pleasant, but everyone there shares in knowledge of what they believe are the two main purposes in life: To come to the acceptance of God, through Jesus, and then to share that personal commitment as a testimony, giving the message of salvation to others.
523
It is not difficult for Larry to see the whole world as condemned, waiting to face eventual judgment. And that makes it even easier to accept the salvation message. Larry has spent his entire life being condemned, culminating in the judgment by the gavel that sent him to prison. He had faced judgment …it had not been rightly considered whether he was innocent or not --- he was doing time. He knows how it would feel if the judgment would be lifted and he'd never have to go to prison again.
Crazy Larry not only knows how he'd feel if someone took up his case and saved him ---from having to do any prison time ever again, he also understands very well how he needs saving from the judgment the world will eventually face.
The message of salvation is received by Larry the second day after he comes out of his coma-like state. And there is much rejoicing throughout the island. Most are rejoicing ---except Shannon. She does not blame him for what had happened to Dad. She prays a prayer of thanks to God for Larry's recovery ---and also for his acceptance of Jesus as his Savior, God's righteousness for our sins. But she cannot rejoice. She has high expectations. Since Dad got his medicine two days after Larry had received his ---Dad should be pulling out of it any time now.
This is a critical time for Shannon. Will Dad pull out of it? She certainly isn't going to leave the room to join the celebrated success of old Chief, Larry ---there is plenty of time to celebrate later. Right now, she wants to be there for …Dad. If he should recover, she wants to be there the very moment he pulls out of it.
Shannon's intentions do not gauge her level of exhaustion. When the body wears down, if we don't take care of it, it takes care of itself. But compared to what Dad is going through, she feels she can at least be able to stay awake. Surely she can endure that!
She is wrong! She collapses in her chair. Sleep will no longer be denied its privilege. It wins over her desire to stay awake. Yet her internal struggle spurs on many dreams ---dreams filled with fear.
Shannon has no idea what may be going through Dad's head. Likewise, she can not sense what is about to go through her own. While awake, we should be able to direct our thoughts and decide which ones to lay claim to. But while asleep, our honest struggles often reveal themselves in one form or another. There is no attempt to hide, yet there is no clear commitment to represent the truth either. Consequently, it may not make any sense at all.
524
It is obvious that Shannon is filled with fear. And what preoccupies her waking hours, now dominates her dreams. Covering the past, present, and future ---fear is multidimensional. Much of the past fear originated when Dad disappeared, carrying on through those many weeks ---to the day the belief of his boating death was revealed. The present fear possesses the most driving force, directing itself away from destination hope. The hope that Dad will survive is combated by the fear of the possibility that he might not.
What about the future? If her greatest fear gets swallowed up within her greatest hope, then hope received, should dispel all fear, right? No, it is not that easy. The future contains its own set of fears. The potential weighs heavy with fear's linking to the past and present. That makes the future the most complex of all. And it involves the fear of rejection.
Shannon's dream carries her to the past. It had been a large gathering for her birthday. She had eaten too much cake and was in the bathroom, near her parent's bedroom. Dad voices his concern to Mom, "I wish Shannon would just call me, Dad. I hear the way she says Josiah Stephen. I see the way she pinches his cheeks and kisses him. If he's so much like me, Josiah Stephen, then how come the bigger version of him is so unhuggable?"
Then Shannon's dream carries her to her favorite short story, the book Dad had given her: The Princess and the Poppy. She and Dad suddenly become the story, as they run down a hillside of delicate orange flowers. It is not the flowers they gather up. They gather each other up in each other's arms.
The past only gives her an overwhelming feeling of regret. But there shall be no future fears. There is no fear of rejection. She had rejected Dad, but she would never have to fear being rejected by him. Dad loves her. And if there be fear of what possible love she may have in return, she can simply dispel that fear by showing her love.
But fear makes its final bid. Up until this point, she has never shown Dad that she loves him. What if he really needs that love ---to help him pull through? What if he needs to know someone is there, to give him hope? What if he is in danger?
Shannon dreams that she falls asleep by Dad's side. She could have asked someone, anyone, to relieve her. Any number of people would've gladly sat by her Dad's side, to help monitor him …if she would have only asked! But she hadn't asked. And now she hadn't endured. She had fallen asleep.
She had let Dad down, when he needs her the most! He is in danger! Shannon snaps out of her sleep ---screaming! She doesn't understand what she sees. Crazy Larry has a razor, and he is at Dad's throat!
525
Crazy Larry puts the razor down, having finished his last stroke in completing the shave. He hadn't quite finished, but he is finished for now, having been startled by having startled Shannon.
Larry explains, "I thought he'd probably look more like your Dad if he had a clean shave."
Shannon notices that Larry is also cleanly shaven. She also notices Maggie. When Maggie found out that Chief was actually Crazy Larry, she didn't know how to act. Crazy Larry had been responsible for saving the life of the man whom she in turn married. Obviously, she knew Larry better than anyone else, but she now realizes how much a mistake it is to risk the trust that others may not share.
Maggie spares both Shannon and Larry of any further awkward introductions or explanations, "Sorry, Shannon …I should have waited until you woke up. I just wanted to surprise you with seeing your Dad the way he used to look. Actually, it seems like that's what helped Larry pull out of it. I had just finished shaving him, and slapped on some aftershave. I don't know if the slapping helped or not, but Larry said he was aware of the overwhelming smell of aftershave. Why don't you try it, Shannon? It can't hurt to try. We can't just sit here and stare at him all day. We've got to try something!"
Larry apologizes, "I'm sorry, Shannon. I should have let Maggie shave him. I didn't mean to scare you. I've done so much damage, I just wanted to do something to help ---but I guess I didn't."
Shannon picks up the aftershave, "It's not your fault. You were just trying to help. I want to thank you. Actually, he does look much better now."
Shannon gently slaps the aftershave on Dad's cheeks, then steps back in anticipation. Several long minutes go by, and to her dismay, nothing happens ---the greatest of hopes, dashed. A tear runs down her cheek, then she half-laughs, "Dad never did like aftershave."
Overcome with emotion, Shannon cries, "I know what you do like." She grabs him by the cheeks, "You are so cute!" She kisses him, then whispers in his ear, "I love you, Poppy."
Her vision floods with tears. She doesn't immediately see what Maggie and Larry see …but she feels it! With her cheek resting against his, her tears streaking both their faces, she isn't sure whether she imagines it or not, but Dad's head seems to turn slightly. Then she feels it ---a kiss on her cheek.
Shannon wipes her tears enough to see what Maggie and Larry are already seeing. Dad's eyes are open, a tear moving down his face ---swallowed up in a wonderful smile.
526
XXXIV
Fernye had prepared her own message that she wanted the preacher to read when she died. This moment had come. It is rather easy to read:
"A funeral is not really about the one who appears to be the center of attention ---that is already a done deal. A funeral is really about all those left living. What are the living going to do with their lives? Okay, so some of you got kind of close to me. Of course, you'll be hurting right now. And I know most of you …you'll do a fine job supporting each other. I have attended so many funerals in my life where there is more concern over how much an imposition into their own life the death has made ...than how really devastating it may be to the one who is truly grieving. I once saw a little girl lose both her parents. Would you believe there was more talk about how difficult it was going to be on the rest of the family, instead of considering what the poor little girl must be going through? Make sure to pause ---give them time to reflect on this one."
The preacher waits until the few chuckles pass throughout the large attending crowd, then he continues: " The only way we can truly look at life is through death. Much of our lives are otherwise rather meaningless and insignificant. We fill our lives up with things that don't really matter. There are few moments in life that we actually get real. The moments in life that I consider significant are moments we have to face grave sickness and disaster, most all moments in the mission field, births, weddings, and funerals. Since this is my funeral, consideration should be taken to honor my requests. I only have two. Actually, I only have one. I should say I only have two expectations at my funeral. The first thing I expect is that people will cry. I don't have to request it …I already know the ones who truly love me. And I am thankful that there are many of you. The second thing I expect, is a request I have. I expect the truth to be told. Not the truth about me …I don't want one single thing mentioned about me. Where I'm going, it's not about me. It's the truth about Jesus that I want to be told at my funeral. And I want it to be told over and over. Then if you still want to talk about something, talk about the most wonderful things in life. Talk about births, and rebirths. And talk about weddings."
527
***************
Leah looks beautiful in her full-length white wedding gown. An old man approaches. He is dressed in the old colonial-style attire …the type you'd expect some of the early statesmen to wear. He even has that presidential hair-do, with the white curls ---like a scroll or old important document draped over his head. And he has a small pair of spectacles, resting halfway down his nose.
The old man approaches Leah and the groom. He takes off the spectacles and rests them on Stan's nose, "Here, I don't want to make a spectacle of myself." The old man takes the scroll off his head, and places it on Stan's head. The old man suddenly doesn't look so old.
It's the father and bride dance. Leah had not been in favor of dancing, but Stan had convinced her otherwise. The only time in her life she had ever enjoyed dancing, was in her Daddy's arms ---that moment, preserved on video, when she was only an infant. That memory served as a source of peace and comfort throughout the years. And it provides that same comfort now, as Dad begins to sing, "This is what love is …oh, this is what love is." He can't sing very good, but it is a comforting voice ---the voice she has always loved. As he sings, he begins to dance with an imaginary partner, one hand up and the other delicately to the side. Slowly, Leah steps forward. She times it perfect, stepping within the place of the imaginary partner, gently clasping Dad's hand. This is a delightful dance. Dad is choked with tears. He continues to dance, but cannot finish singing the song. The song must finish itself.
Before the song finishes, Stan cuts back in.
Leah smiles, "Who are you?"
Stan laughs. He is used to Leah's kidding. He holds Leah at arm's length and smiles, "I know I haven't properly introduced myself. That will have to wait until after the reception."
Leah screams, "I want my Dad!!"
Josiah leaps out of bed and hurries to her side, "It's okay Leah …it's okay! We're getting our Dad back …he's really coming home! That is not just a dream ...he's really coming home!"
Leah reassures Josiah that she'll be okay ---as he reassures Samuel and Mom, who stand at the door as he is about to return to bed.
528
Leah hugs her pillow and closes her eyes. Upon returning home from the conference, she'd been told that Dad is alive. It is so difficult to sort out all the emotions concerning that. But what she does not quite understand is why she had a dream about Dad the night before, not knowing anything about him being alive.
What is this inner conflict between Dad, and being married to Stan? Dad will certainly be in favor of her and Stan getting married, so what is it? Why the confusing dreams?
Maybe she just has to reconcile it. She is yet to see Dad ...that's what the problem is. Once she's reunited with him, everything will be okay …and she will have the faith to move on with Stan.
XXXV
They've already set sail ---to bring Shannon and her Dad back home. She wants the reunion to be a happy one. She doesn't want to get in the way of it. She doesn't want anyone to be bothered over her. But she'll attempt to call Murray and Sweeney just one more time. Rebekkah is scheduled to leave within the hour, but she wants to make this phone call first ---before she leaves.
******************
Meanwhile, though at home, Cindy is still bedridden. She is exhausted, but being confined to a bed does not prevent her from talking with her husband for the first time in seventeen years. Though much of the conversation over the phone is not conversation …it is filled with crying.
529
Between the crying, they do manage to tell each other how much they miss each other …and love each other. Then they resort to crying again.
This pattern repeats itself over the first hour. Then the explanations begin. And one of the things explained is that Fernye had passed away. Stephen is not shocked by that news. Fernye had lived way beyond everyone's expectations. Shannon is the one that takes the news hard. She's the one who was always real close to Grandma.
The news that Stephen takes hard, is about his Mom. Shannon is glad she was not the one passing that news on. Cindy sheds many more tears, telling about how his Mom's health began failing not that long after his disappearance …and how she just became weaker and weaker. This rips at Stephen's heart. He wraps his arms around Shannon. They cry together. They will be able to grieve together, and get much of the grieving aside by the time they are to arrive home. Then it can be solely a joyous reunion …a celebration.
Shannon and Dad are in each other's arms much of the trip back to the United States. They are scheduled to arrive in the state of Washington in a couple days.
**********
Rebekkah also has a trip ---that she can't refuse. She isn't looking forward to the trip, but it's one she must take. It's not the hospital visit on her mind. Her final destination will most likely come first. She's only nervous about how her last moments here on earth will play out. Four people she trusts, will carry out her plans. They just have to!
But maybe she should have one more. Yes, she will make the call. It has been way too long, but he is the man for the job.
She makes the call …but he doesn't answer. She'll have to leave a message, giving detailed directions …no, a message is too risky.
She will call one of the others. They will know what to tell him.
She makes the call ....and she is a bit relieved. She trusts they will get in touch with him. And she has to have confidence that they will do well.
These thoughts carry more confidence than those that follow her to the hospital.
530
******************
Meanwhile, Cindy gains some of her strength back, not in her back, but in her endurance to stay awake. And that means she and Stephen have more time to share on the phone.
Stephen is filled with questions, over the phone, "So, tell me more about Josiah. I know you've said that he's been taking care of you."
Cindy lovingly holds the phone up to her ear, in spite of the pain she is feeling, "Josiah is a wonderful young man. I know I've told you that over and over …but you'll just have to wait to meet him. Words can't describe how wonderful he is. He's also finishing up a surprise I have for you. It would be finished by now, but, of course, all this that happened to me …kind of rearranged things. And if I could get out of this bed, I'd be there with you right now, quarantine or no quarantine."
"I'd ask you what the surprise is, but it wouldn't be a surprise then, would it?"
Cindy laughs, "You know, I really enjoy talking with you. Do you know that we've probably talked more these past couple days ---more than we probably did for most of the combined years of our marriage? And I am so sorry for that. I know that was my fault. I was always so busy with my activities. I wish I could have slowed down back then. But I've quit all that running around mentality ---I don't really know why this has happened to my back now. I don't really need this messed up back at this time."
Stephen tries not to laugh, "Are you trying to say there was a time when you did need a bad back?"
Cindy tries not to laugh, because it hurts her back, "You know, it's a figure of speech. I guess I was alluding to the fact that if I'd gone through this when we were first married, maybe it would have slowed me down a bit. Okay, …maybe not."
Stephen focuses on his own shortcomings, "I was way too tense back then. I should have been praying more for our family and working on me, instead of trying to change everyone else. But God gave me lots of time to work on that. I sure did a lot of praying over these past seventeen years."
531
Leah and Josiah had left early in the morning. They are going to meet Dad in a couple hours when he arrives in the state of Washington. They want to surprise their Dad.
Stephen had talked to both Leah and Josiah briefly the day before, but he hadn't asked Leah how her conference had gone. He asks Cindy at this time, "How was Leah's conference?"
"It was real good. It's important to have conferences like that. Seems most of the country no longer views abstinence as a virtue. Most follow the Essence, and have lost most of the standards we adhere to. Only those who still believe in Jesus, claim the full Bible standards. But, in my opinion, even they are showing signs of compromise."
"You know, Cindy, you have a lot of good ideas. I think you have an interesting and clear way of looking at things. Did you ever consider writing down your thoughts?"
XXXVI
It is foggy. We had been at sea for so many days, we don't know if what we see, is actually what we see. The fog just adds to the shadowy mystery.
The fog feels good, breathing in this eager adventure. We are told that we are nearing the State of Washington. How long have we been staring out into the fog?
The shadow, is it an outline? Yes, an outline of land! Land ho! Suddenly we turn to the left ---and are left speechless. We are all stunned by what captures our eyes to the left. There, drifting in the fog ---it's huge! We are all taken by the immense sight. It seems almost surreal. But none of us are more taken by this than Sweeney.
Sweeney had a prized possession when he was a young boy. It was a ship in a bottle ---the kind of ship that seemed best suited for a bottle, with all your dreams bottled up inside there. Then one day he dropped the bottle. He didn't totally smash his dreams, but it didn't quite seem the same after that.
532
Sure, he'd play like kids will play. Once he and his brother, Murray, found an old abandoned shell of a meager rowboat. They found an old crooked stick, just long enough to use as the mast, and mom was missing some sheets off the bed for awhile. When they confessed they had them, she told them to keep the sheets, she'd never be able to get them clean. They had loads of fun. But never did it come close to their real dream. Soon the dream began to fade. Sweeney had tried to keep his dream in his mind, but after so long, he had begun to forget it. No experience had ever gotten close to his dream ---until now. And this surpasses it!
Sweeney has goose-bumps up and down his spine. His dream had been bottled up, never to venture out. With respect of the sea, he had not abandoned his work ---though he'd abandoned his dream. He closes his eyes, then opens them again. This is five times bigger than real life. It's unbelievable!
They are all awestruck! It's kind of scary ---something that big, suddenly coming upon them from seemingly nowhere. Everyone gasps, trying to catch their breath. As they steer frighteningly close to it, Sweeney is the first to regain his breath. He hollers out, "Who owns your ship?"
An answer penetrates the fog, "Rebekkah Lessert. But this one is for a man named Murray."
Sweeney hugs his brother with wild excitement. But a lump enters his throat. This is a magnificent dream, whoever owns it. But oh, to own such a dream. He recalls her promise to get them both a ship. But he also recalls her tendency to get upset with him. Murray and Rebekkah always seem to get along, but there is something about her and Sweeney. They always seem to have a personality conflict. Maybe she'll just give him a ship in a bottle ---as a lesson to him.
The voice penetrates the fog once more, "There's one just like this one, sitting in a harbor in Maine. I was asked to take a man named Sweeney there."
Shannon exclaims, "What a dreamboat!"
Sweeney can hardly contain himself, "An 1850 Clipper ship!!"
They shore up their emotions as they go ashore. The fog has begun to lift and the day's sun glistens across the water like a sea of sparkling diamonds. Each of them seem to have their own personal journey they will be taking from this point. But first they will get themselves a good meal, and a good night's rest before saying their farewells.
533
A huge buffet luncheon is set up at the Hampton Inn where they will be staying overnight. But Sweeney doesn't join them. Something isn't right. They should be here by now. He makes a couple phone calls. Well, at least they are okay. They had a little car trouble, but they'd be arriving just about sunset ---if nothing else goes wrong.
That said and done, Sweeney then busies himself with solidifying his connections with the gentleman who is to take him to his ship in Maine. They should both be flying out just before noon tomorrow.
The day seems to go quickly. Evening is approaching and Murray is set to say goodbye. He is also eager to get aboard his new ship. They all gather around for a joyous farewell to Murray. The majestic sails gather in all of a soft evening breeze. As the glistening waters lose their sparkle, fading into a soft hue, the billowing sails provide a tapestry for the most beautiful of sunsets.
They are so captivated by this breathtaking view, they don't even see that their party has increased by three. Stephen still doesn't see them among the crowd, but what he can see ---he can't believe it! It looks exactly like his 1990 Transport.
Stephen gets a tear in his eye. This must be a surprise from Cindy. She must have had it restored. They say everything now operates on hydrogen fuel cells. He had known they were experimenting with those alternate fuels ---that was no surprise. But the 1990 Transport is a surprise! It is more than nostalgic. It shows, even more, that Cindy had savored these moments shared with her husband ---even the once undesirable ones.
Stephen looks around. There are two people standing there, conspicuously so ---a young man and a young woman. He doesn't recognize them, but he feels he knows who they are.
Shannon sees that Dad has located her brother and sister, "Go ahead, Dad! Don't you recognize Leah and Josiah?"
Stephen rushes forward, but isn't as steady as he thought he was. After the first three strides, he begins to fall, but is caught by Leah and Josiah, who continue to support him for a long time with their hugs.
534
Stephen understands the quarantine and the final tests they had wanted to do on the boat, but now that he has a clean bill of health, why can't he just fly back? It seems unreasonable not to fly the rest of the way. He can't wait to see Cindy!
He is so eager to get back home, he can't believe that they couldn't get an airline to take him back. Don't they trust that the quarantine is over? And what about Rebekkah's private jet? Is her jet not in service? He tries not to think about it any more. The old way was trying to find its way back, but Stephen wouldn't let it. He chooses not to say anything. The arrangements had been made, and for whatever reason they were made this way, he'd just accept it. No sense upsetting anyone.
At the last minute, Stan had volunteered his chauffeuring services. He said that Leah and Josiah should have their rest, so they can visit with their Dad on the way back home. And if not readily accepting that he'd be a good addition to the family, at least it could be seen that he's a good driver.
**********
Early the next morning, they are ready for the Transport to transport them back home. Shannon offers a suggestion to Dad, "How about Leah and Josiah sit on either side of you in the middle seat, so you can talk."
Stan overhears Shannon's suggestion and offers, "Will you then honor me by sitting up front?"
Shannon wants to say, "Sure", but she suddenly realizes she has not resolved her feelings towards Stan. She continues to smile, but instead answers, "I'll be up front with you about one thing …I'm really tired, and I hope I'll be able to stretch out across the back two seats. I want to see if I can get some sleep."
As they get on their way, Dad requests, "So, Leah, tell me about this young man, our chauffeur, that you are about to marry."
535
For the next hour, Leah talks about all the wonderful things about Stan. First of all, Dad hears all about the negotiated establishment of peace in the Middle East. He comments, "Stan, you are a remarkable young man! By the way, how is the peace process going?"
Stan explains, "Well, I know peace doesn't last forever. It seems that good feelings pass more quickly than bad. So to maintain their initial level of enthusiasm we've hired movie producer and director, Cecil B. DePasco. Each year he does a very intense personal piece …a documentary on each of their lives. Each group so looks forward to this moment, they put all their effort into attempting to present their views and beliefs for the world to see. Of course, each group has a different way they'd like history to be written …which places them in a more favorable light. And the truth seems to always exist somewhere in between all the different versions. But much is accomplished towards peace if we just sit down and talk …each taking a turn to express how we feel."
Stephen remarks, "You are really remarkable, Stan! As our chauffeur, you also have much to show for ...as good qualities for a son-in-law."
Stan also relays some stories, which hold curious similarities to things Stephen had done, which the children must've shared with Stan. Stephen is so consumed by the fact that Leah is about to get married, and his desire to get to know this young man …that he shamefully engages Stan in most of the conversation. Though he has an arm around both Leah and Josiah, and continues to smile at them …he's talked very little with his own son.
Stephen addresses Stan one more time, "The way I hear Leah speak, I am hearing the language of love. It will certainly be my honor to have you join the family, Stan."
As Stephen turns his attention to Josiah, Stan looks in the rearview mirror. Stan's eyes meet Shannon's ---and he winks. Shannon slumps in her seat and closes her eyes, pretending to sleep. What else can she do? She realizes she hasn't resolved her own feelings towards Stan. And what was that wink about? Perhaps Stan hasn't really dealt with his feelings towards her either ...but that better not be the case. She doesn't even want to think about it. She will keep her eyes closed.
An early July wedding, is just around the corner. Suddenly, time gathers together with definition and meaning. Once again there will be months and seasons. But unlike before, each day will be filled with more than just looking forward to each day. Just a short while ago those days were filled with remembering, hoping, and praying …all good things, but there had been nothing else to fill the day. But now, memories can once again be experienced. And they can rejoice …together.
536
That in itself brings meaning to the days ...spending time together. Birthdays are important ---and of course, their Anniversary. Stephen had memorized names of people and events ---any information that would keep his mind sharp.
Shannon reminds Dad of one date, soon to come up, that is important to her, "Father's Day is only a couple days away," Shannon informs him. She throws her arms around him, "I'm the happiest girl in the world right now …I have my Poppy back!"
Shannon crawls back into the backseat of the van. Leah and Josiah snuggle into their seats next to Dad. They had a long enough stretch. A little rest from driving for Stan ...and a bite to eat for everyone was a good idea, but now they will be on their way again.
Stan announces, "Are we ready?"
Shannon calls Mom on the cell phone. She misses Mom. She knows Dad does too. She hands Dad the cell phone. Dad talks a long time to Mom. Then he begins announcing over the phone each milestone they pass.
Cindy laughs, "I know we have lots to talk about, but when you begin announcing every mile marker, I know you are getting tired. But that's okay. From now on, I'm going to go every mile with you. But for now, I'm getting really exhausted too. I think we could both stand a little rest. How about we declare this official nap time?"
Dad announces, "Mom says it's official nap time for everyone!"
Stan smiles, "Is that so!"
Everyone laughs along with Dad, "Okay, Stan, I guess we can make an exception for you. Maybe it's best you stay awake."
Much distance is traveled while they are asleep. They seem to wake up all about the same time. Only Stan has an idea where they are at. He smiles, waiting for the first one to notice. Suddenly Shannon throws her arms into the air, shouting, "We're in Michigan!"
Stephen remains quiet ---a happy quiet. He tries to stay awake, but keeps dozing off. Then he falls right to sleep again, and begins to dream.
Shannon, Leah, and Josiah can't sleep. They are too eager to see how Dad responds. They had kept the walled community a secret. It is to be a surprise ---another extension of affections to Dad's dreams.
As they near their destination, they notice that Dad is awake, and is beginning to look around a little more, recognizing the scenery. Metamora is an area that hasn't changed much over the years ---except for the walled community.
537
Dad asks, "Isn't this Metamora?"
Dad's eyes are filled with wonder and amazement. He doesn't know quite what to think of what lies before him. Then as they enter the walled community, a couple tears travel down his face.
All those years he had prayed, and hoped …and waited. In hopeful anticipation he dreamed of being reunited with his family one day. And at the same time, through all those long years, though perhaps believing he was no longer living, they were living out his memories …and dreams.
The tears flow. It is not only a dream, but also the property of his Mom. He reaches out, putting an arm around both Leah and Josiah, pulling them to him, resting their heads against his chest. His tears fall upon them. He is about to see Cindy again ---after all these years.
**********
Cindy has Merrie Isaac braid her beautiful long hair, just the way Stephen likes it. And she also puts on the dress that she had only worn one time before. It is the dress Fernye and Stephen's Mom, Ruth, had made for her. It's the dress she'd put on over seventeen years ago ---the one she'd worn for that special surprise occasion ---that disappointed her so, when he hadn't noticed.
Yes, she recalls that time she wanted to break the news to him ---the news he still does not know about.
Cindy chuckles to herself. It was also the time Stephen had shaved half his face to make a point. The fact was …that she seldom noticed him either.
As Cindy stitches a last stitch on the quilt she'd been rushing to finish, she closes her eyes. These small stitches are a strain on her eyes, but each stitch is like an important thread in her life.
Cindy hears a small amount of commotion. She doesn't know whether she has fallen asleep, or is about to. But now she is wide awake. She recognizes Shannon's whisper …and quickly puts the quilt beside the sofa.
As Stephen steps into the room, it's like a moment frozen in time. He gazes lovingly into her eyes from a distance. She returns the loving glance. He knows she is unable to move about with her present back condition, but she touches him with her eyes, and her heart ---her husband is back!
538
Stephen kneels in front of Cindy and kisses her hand, bathing it in his tears. He can't find the words, or if he could, he can't speak them. She understands …no words are necessary. The same unspoken love overwhelms her with tears. He sits beside her, gently moving close, kissing her again …and again. Face-to-face, he rests his head against the back of the sofa, and looks lovingly into her eyes. He is careful to have consideration for her back, and what pain she may be in. He carefully moves his head closer until he rubs noses with her, before kissing her again.
They manage only a few simple words, "I love you." Then they just look at each other, speaking with the heart what words cannot express. The love speaks for itself …and that is enough.
**********
Stephen is touched by all the loving details that Cindy had preserved in his honor ---the thirty-five year old van, the walled community, and now, in all her beauty ---she is sitting upon the sofa he had knelt beside when he proposed marriage to her.
It had been Cindy's sofa, but became their sofa. Anyone else would have discarded it ---it is truly an eyesore. But talk about a sight for sore eyes ---it is not just a sofa, it contains all past tears. And now it is being drenched in present ones ---tears of gratefulness, falling, yet rising to new heights, in heavenly celebration. But best of all, it contains the one he truly loves ---his wife, Cindy.
Stephen looks up and smiles. Shannon is video-taping the joyous reunion. He laughs through his tears, "Do you remember how I'd get agitated by all the video-taping? Well, I love it now …keep taping, Shannon!"
Cindy smiles, "Your memory hasn't suffered much through all the years."
Stephen chuckles, "The memories kept me alive ---they kept me going. That's all I had! That's what helped me survive …and prayers, of course."
Cindy wipes her tear-ridden face, "I can still remember that last day I saw you leave for work."
Stephen kisses Cindy again, "I can still see your loving face at the window, holding Josiah ---Leah holding Cody Komodo's little hand, making it wave goodbye to me ---and Shannon's toes, with faces drawn on them, also waving goodbye to me."
539
Shannon puts the video-camera down. Josiah and Leah join her as they kneel in front of Dad and Mom, encircling them with one big gentle group hug.
Shannon is so excited to be home again too, thinking of all the things she has missed in just the short time she's been gone ---and wanting Dad to share in everything he has missed all those years he's been gone, "Mom, can I see how you've been doing on your project?"
Cindy agrees, "Sure, I've only got a couple stitches left. Leah and Josiah can hold it up, so you and Dad can see."
They wait to hear what comments will be made. Stephen responds immediately, "That's really beautiful, dear."
Cindy smiles, looking at the children, who join in the excitement of anticipation. Stephen suddenly bursts into a huge smile, "It's all my shirts! The designs are made from material from all my shirts!"
Cindy laughs, "I didn't know if you'd pick up on that one. Did you really miss your shirts that much?"
Stephen leans over to kiss Cindy again, "The one material clued me in. It's the same material as the shirt I wore that last day of work. How did you --- ?"
Shannon laughs, holding back tears, "Everyone thought the shirt was so ugly, but you wanted to show me how much you loved me. You wore the shirt because I bought it for you. And after you disappeared, we came across the same shirt …we just had to get it! It became my favorite shirt. I wore it all the time."
Leah and Josiah turn the quilt around. The other side is a pale blue with only one design in the very center of the quilt.
Shannon raises her eyebrows, this other side proving not to be as tastefully done. The shape looks like a pair of …shorts ? It has to be! It can't be anything else ---bright red, with white hearts?
Cindy blushes slightly, "There's a story behind that!"
Stephen's laugh is soft, mostly dominated by his big grin, "I'm sure there is a behind story that ---I mean, a story behind it."
Cindy blushes more by Stephen's teasing comment, "I got that material out of Fernye's keepsake box. It was with her diary. You'll have to read it sometime."
Shannon adds, "Speaking of reading ---."
540
Cindy acknowledges that it's not quite time yet, "That story plus many more, I was able to obtain through Fernye's diary. She turned over her keepsakes to me last year. She had a feeling this would be her last year with us. Josiah has helped me get some of the things together. He will have to show you later."
Stephen adds, "That's a good idea ---getting together some of Fernye's stories. Few people are as interesting as Fernye was."
Being the oldest child, Shannon provides some leadership, "Come on, Leah and Josiah, let's let Dad and Mom become more acquainted. Josiah, I know you probably want to get some things together at the print room. Leah, how about you join me down at the barn?"
Shannon, Leah, and Josiah depart. Shannon steps back in, just for a moment, "Sorry, I want to get the video-camera. I'm gone now."
Stephen clasps Cindy's hand within his, looking lovingly into her eyes, "I don't know where to begin …I've missed you so much. I wanted to wait until we were alone to tell you this. I know we had a lot of struggles before I disappeared, but I want you to know that I had never stopped loving you in my heart. I definitely decreased my ability to show it, but I never stopped loving you. I'd wanted to change what we had together, and in trying to improve it, I actually made it worse. I should have just prayed about the things that bothered me so much. I don't know what I thought I was trying to do. Did I think I could change things? I see now that God did it without my help. I've painfully realized the error of my ways. I've had seventeen years to think about it. That's a lot of years to live in regret."
Cindy attempts to confess through her tears, "I've also had seventeen years to live out my regrets. But I want you to know that I felt all the prayers. I didn't know many of them were from you ---because I didn't know you were even alive. But now that I know you were there every day, praying for me, I want you to know that it wasn't easy to change. I could have easily gone more in the direction that I had already been going."
There are more tears than words. There is much, much more to be said, but hopefully the separation is behind them, and now they can be together in a way they weren't …even when they were together. Another hour passes.
Cindy has some very important things she has yet to share, "My Doctor said I can try walking on my own in a few days, but I don't ever want to walk on my own again. I don't ever want to be separated from you, not even for a minute. Though I guess I can part with you a few minutes, if you'll gather up our children, so we can eat. Josiah is probably still at the print room. It's attached to the church …you can't miss it. Then he can take you to the barn, where the others should be at."
541
Stephen finds Josiah busy at work in the print room. Josiah stops his work to express a few words, "There were some things I wanted to say to you, but I wanted to wait until we had a moment alone. Growing up without a Dad was not easy, but Mom did the best she could. She's done a wonderful job with us. I can't imagine having a better Mom. But I know you prayed for us every day too, so I want you to know that I know that has been a big part too. I didn't know you were praying, but I'm sure it made a big difference. I want to thank you for that."
Josiah has a book in his hand. As Stephen embraces Josiah in another big hug, he can feel the book press against his back. But mostly he can feel the love shared between a father and a son. He had wondered how easily he'd be able to become a part of Josiah's life, but he can see now that there will be no problem bridging the gap the years had created.
Stephen cries tears of thanksgiving, "Mom was right, you've become a wonderful young man, and I'm so happy God has blessed me with two wonderful daughters ---and a son."
They hug for a moment longer, then Josiah hands Dad the book that had been pressing against his back.
Stephen reads aloud: "The Essence."
Josiah explains, "It's not actually my project. I'm just helping Mom. She says I'm quite good at operating the printing machines."
Tears begins to flow again as Stephen turns the pages. It's the story he had begun before their marriage ---and Cindy had found his notes, and written out the story. Now this, is the most loving gesture of all. Of all the unbelievable things Cindy has done in honor of her husband, this is the greatest.
Josiah adds, "Mom says this is the first part of the story, but it does not end here. It will continue as our lives continue together ---and she is going to continue writing."
Stephen is speechless. He doesn't know what to say. The book also contains stories of each of the children. He turns a few pages … to the Thanksgiving skit. He definitely remembers that one. He reads aloud:
"After the skit, Cindy has me agree not to get the children politically involved …so I begin teaching them the Ten Commandments instead. Leah and Josiah are so close in age, they're always doing things together. Most of the time they are wonderful together. I love to see them play. But as with any children, the process of together can lead into areas which we call growth, if they are willing to accept their differences ---which all children have."
542
Stephen reads what is perceived to have been his motive:
"I wanted to make sure the children understood that Jesus died for our sins …and by understanding His love and forgiveness, we can better conceptualize the forgiveness we are to extend to one another. Josiah asks, "What is sin?" I explain, "Sin is going against God, and going against His provision for us." I know that I'm not speaking entirely at their level, so that's when I decide that I will go through the Ten Commandments with them …covering only one commandment each day. The first three days are spent describing who God is ---recognizing, respecting, and responding. The children seem to understand the fourth commandment quite well. The fifth day I discuss with them what some parents errantly stress as even more important than the first three: Honor Your Parents. I also mention that it works best if Dad and Mom also honor each other. For the sixth day, the question of war comes up, but I try not to get political. That evening I have to work overtime at work …and it feels like a war. I am so worn out, but the children are so enthusiastic, so I begin reading, not knowing what trouble I'm about to get into …until the words leave my lips, "Do Not Commit Adultery". I am so tired, I don't really feel like doing this. Probably wouldn't be any better though, even if I wasn't tired. Maybe it's better that I am tired …I don't really think before I speak. For some strange reason, I take an environmentalist point of view, "Do not come at an adult tree. Remember when we planted that baby apple tree in our front yard, well, now it's an adult tree …and it has apples." Leah asks, "Why is that a sin?" I explain, "Well, God created for us, every good fruit. And we shouldn't just chop it down." Josiah adds, "Like George Washington did with the cherry tree?" "Something like that …we just need to save our trees. And it is fruitless to chop them down. Believe me, if we don't come at adult trees, we save a lot." I end by promising to plant more baby apple trees with them ...some other day."
Before Dad reads too much, Josiah suggests, "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. How about we go down to the barn and get the others? They are beginning to serve at the church cafeteria, where everyone in the walled community eats together, but ours will be brought to the house, since Mom can't get around. Besides, we want you all to ourselves for these first few days."
543
They find Shannon and Leah in a horse pen. Shannon is feeding a baby colt a bottle, "The mother is sick, so we have to bottle feed this one."
Leah adds, " That's why I like the barn. It's so full of the real things in life."
Shannon's face lights up, as it always does telling horse stories, "This colt is sired by Breeze ---just before Rebekkah had Breeze shipped to the islands, this little one was in the making. It's truly remarkable how that happens, isn't it?"
Stephen leans on the fence. Shannon stands up, "Dad, I'd like you to meet the young man whose been taking care of these precious horses while I've been gone."
A young man wearing a captain's hat, steps into view carrying a bail of hay in each hand ---the twine taut between straining fingers at the end of down-stretched arms.
Stephen playfully interrupts, "Now don't tell me …you look to be the age of Dave and Sherry's boy. You must be Jonah Stage."
The young man answers with his back turned, as he carries the bails of hay into an adjacent stall, "No, you've got my age figured fairly well, but Jonah is a year older than me."
Stephen steps over to the stall and leans on the rail, "Okay, now I've got it ...Ray and Claudia Isaac were due to have a child in late fall, of 2008. They didn't know whether they'd have a boy or girl, but you must be that blessed son."
Stephen extends a hand, "Glad to meet you, Sir, I'm Shannon's Dad, Stephen Razohn."
The young man extends his hand and shakes hands, "I'm Samuel Isaac."
Stephen smiles, "Well, I'll have to tell Ray and Claudia what a fine young man they have, next time I see them. Last time I saw your folks, your mom was beginning to show you quite well, at 7 to 8 months. It's a pleasure now, to meet you officially."
Samuel declares, "I don't mean to confuse you, but I'm not Ray and Claudia's son ...my middle name is Isaac, not my last name. But Ray and Claudia did have a boy ---and he is a fine young man, as well as a friend of mine. His name is Aidin Isaac."
Stephen smiles, "This is interesting. Now let me see, if I have your age right, and you're not Ray and Claudia's boy---"
544
Samuel shakes the chaff off his captain's hat and relocates it on his head, with the brim not so close to his eyes this time. He is so filled with emotion, he tries not to tremble with his words, "I'll give you a small hint. I was one of the first to move into the walled community with my Mom. Dad, on the other hand, just recently moved in."
Stephen admits, "Well, that may be a hint, but I'm sorry, I don't have a clue. I don't know of anyone else who was to have a child, so I probably don't know your family. I wasn't even around when this community first opened."
Strangely, Stephen feels drawn to this young man, "Were your parents separated for very long?"
Samuel looks into Stephen's caring eyes, then quickly looks away, "Yes, quite a while."
Stephen senses this young man is still feeling the pain, "I'm sorry to hear that. But it's good they're together again ---you're happy for that, right?"
Samuel looks back into his eyes, "Yes, Mom really loves Dad."
Stephen seems to fall quickly into the mental health routine. It's been years, but he still has it within him. He has a natural caring for people and their situations, "Do you think Dad loves Mom?"
Samuel looks deeper into his eyes, "Yes, I believe so."
Stephen searches further, "Do you love your Dad?"
Samuel glances away temporarily, then looks back, "I've only been able to spend a few minutes with my Dad, but I do believe I love him. I guess I was hesitant because I wasn't sure how he feels about me."
Stephen tries to reassure the young man, "Well, if Mom loves Dad, and you believe Dad truly loves Mom ---then I'm sure he loves you too. And with the kind of special young man I've been talking to for the past few minutes, I can't imagine it would take long. You just have to spend time together. I've been separated from my family for quite some time. We've just recently got back together ---and it was quite easy. But we were separated under different circumstances, so I'm not going to say it's always easy. Some things take time. But time is usually in our favor. Time often allows the best of things to heal."
Samuel looks directly at Stephen, "I'll give it a try. My circumstances aren't really that different from what you described."
Stephen extends his hand again, "Well, my wife is waiting to have dinner with the four of us, so we'd better go. Maybe you and your folks could join us some time."
Samuel shakes his hand, "I'd like that."
545
Stephen smiles, "Good. I'll make a point to look up your folks. Nice meeting you, Samuel."
Stephen turns to leave, then turns back around, "Silly me, I forgot to ask your last name."
Samuel stares ahead with wonder, his eyes growing bigger, "My last name is Razohn ---Samuel Isaac Razohn, Sir ...I mean, Dad."
Stephen is frozen, for only a moment, as he takes in what was just said. Then he rushes forward with open arms, embracing the son he didn't even know existed. Cindy's greatest gesture of all ---her deepest love, proved to be the greatest Father's Day surprise. And she'd chosen the very name he had picked out for Josiah, with the initials, S.I.R. ---Sir.
Stephen continues to embrace Samuel ---and tears are not only spent by him, but by Samuel as well. All that pent-up anticipation, wondering if he'd be accepted as the others were accepted, is now released and able to find a resting place ---a place of security and contentment.
**********
They all arrive back as Merrie Isaac is delivering the meal. Stephen kisses Cindy, then is somewhat successful getting out the words, "That was the best surprise of all ...I love you so much."
Stephen gets choked up in tears. He had cried at funerals, but this is the most he had ever cried in his life ---and they are all tears of joy.
Merrie also directs Shannon's attention to a package that had just arrived. It is from Indonesia. Shannon picks up the small package and reads, "It's from Tevita."
It is addressed to her, so she opens it. Inside the package is Cody Komodo.
546
XXXVII
More tears fall ---but these are not tears of joy. This year the greenest grass will be at Rebekkah's gravesite. An entire community ---and beyond, of all the people who knew her over the years, most will visit her gravesite. No one was more loved than Fernye at the walled community. Tears will continue to be spent for Fernye also. Her gravesite stands as a garden, a floral delight. But for Rebekkah, it will be different …she was different. She hadn't shared her struggles with anyone …she'd downplayed a mild heart attack, and hadn't even mentioned the stroke. She'd pretended to be fine, when she knew she was not. She hadn't even asked for prayer.
For Rebekkah, it will certainly be different ---merely by the fact of the strange nature of people themselves. There's a sort of strange attraction towards the 'Rebekkah-type' ...the closed-up, private, and unrevealing self. The intrigue and wonderment is often towards those who we can't quite figure out. But the fact that probably draws the most people in ---is a sad fact, indeed. Not by her deeds, but by what will be in her deed.
What will be in her deed will be revealed later today, as they leave the cemetery and go to the church within the walled community, where a meal is being prepared. After they eat, they will view a video-tape Rebekkah had prepared, most likely detailing the passing on of her inheritance, her last will and testament.
It will be no secret. The media will be certain to broadcast the news. Everyone will hear of the passing of the most wealthy person in the world. And everyone will be poised to hear who will inherit that wealth.
Everyone will hear how wonderful she was. Everyone will wish they had known her. And everyone who wishes to feel important will visit her gravesite, sometime this summer, crying for someone they never knew. Crying for what they never had ---and crying for what they feel they never will have. The grass will certainly remain green.
Cindy shares in the sadness, yet feels slightly better physically. She has Stephen gently escort her to the gravesite, then assist her into a chair provided for her near the grave. Leah stands beside her and the rest of the family, all in line alongside the casket. Stan stands on the other side of Stephen.
547
Stephen puts a hand on Stan's shoulder, speaking in a low respectful tone, "These are difficult moments ---but I'm looking forward to being a part of a more joyous moment."
Stan realizes this may be the beginning of the 'Big Talk'. He looks into Stephen's eyes and speaks first, "I know it's proper to ask ---so, I'd like to officially ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. I know we've already made plans to marry in a couple weeks, but you weren't around for me to ask. So, I'm asking now."
Stephen looks off in the distance, "You know, I seem to remember a time I did a skit for the children about this very thing."
Stan smiles, "Yes, it rings familiar with me too. Your family has shown me the video-tape of a skit you once did. I've seen it on more than one occasion. You said that no one loves your daughters as much as you do ---except God. But if you're convinced that a person is God's choice, you will allow them to get a ring."
Stephen pats Stan on the back, then drops his hand back to his side. He looks to the crowd around him, gathered around Rebekkah's gravesite, "Yes, God's choice ---and to know it. Many parents take a step of faith along with their children when this choice time arrives. Those children leave two people they know love them for who they are ---for someone who hasn't proven themselves yet. I guess what I'm trying to say …is for you not to value the gift over the Giver. For instance, Shannon has always spoke as if there's no greater gift than a horse, yet she values me more. And I believe that horse will be happier on that island than I ever was."
Stephen smiles, then adds, "Now, I hear a couple years ago you had considered marrying Shannon. Whether it was Shannon then, or Leah now ---my point is the same."
Stan gets an uncomfortable feeling. He interrupts, "I don't know how you mean exactly. I do know you're considering giving Leah to me in marriage ---that's a great gift. But I don't really know you. I'm sorry, but I can't value you over Leah. That seems strange to even ask. I mean no disrespect, Sir, but I've never heard of such a thing."
Stephen feels like he is suddenly the one on the outside …he's the one who has been gone all these years. Leah is probably more comfortable with Stan than she is with her own Dad. And this "Big Talk' idea is perhaps not such a good idea.
548
There is nothing he can probably say to add hope or clarity to their lives anyway. But he has to at least try to fix what he has already said. Stephen breathes deeply, "I didn't mean me ...I mean God, the Giver of life. With those who leave God for something else, that's considered foolishness. But, together if you step out in the faith that God will lead you, I guess that needs no proof. God will do the proof in you. But with you, Stan, I guess you've proven yourself to the entire world, and they all love you ---so, I guess mine doesn't demand as great a faith."
Stephen knows what he's trying to say, even if he isn't able to stumble through it. But of all the things he had thought about on the island, he hadn't rehearsed this one. It's just that …that he was so used to picturing Shannon, Leah, and Josiah …the age they were before he'd disappeared. But he will have to get used to the fact that they're grown now. After all, Cindy certainly had trained them up in the way they should go.
Cindy can't help recall some of her and Stephen's past failures. Her sincere hope is that Leah was too young at the time to be affected. She prays Leah will not repeat some of those same tendencies in her own marriage.
Cindy offers some advice, "Leah, you can make a difference. I hope you don't repeat my failures. Don't busy yourself or let others busy you, for that matter. You have to learn how to manage your time. If you don't, you'll each get frustrated and begin fighting against what God gave you ---each other. You'll become tense and unsatisfied ---arguing all the time. You can drive down even a good man that way. I know I did."
Leah glances over at Dad, who is talking to Stan. Then she turns back her attention to Mom, who has more to say, "Not having enough time is a bad thing. Most people would say you need time away from the children too ---to be by yourself. I believe that too much emphasis can be put on that. A husband and wife should be able to enjoy each other's company with the children present too." Cindy puts an arm around Leah, "And don't make the mistake I did. Most people don't want to admit it, but one of the main culprits can be excessive church activity."
549
As they finish eating, they depart the cafeteria area and seat themselves in the church pews. The crowd of people becomes awkwardly quiet. There are dozens of people who'd never visited the walled community before. The walled community is a unique place, but they're not so much concerned with the community as they're interested in the uniqueness of Rebekkah's wealth.
Some people are surprised, others aren't a bit surprised. She turns over her entire inheritance to George. In the business world, most everyone had, for years, anticipated George would get the inheritance. Within the ranks of the dozen corporate heads, CEOs of businesses that Rebekkah owned, they all saw George as her favorite, not only sharing her business sense, but also her unique philosophies of life.
Lately, much had changed in the corporate world ---but, all the changes only made Rebekkah more dominant. The government intervened and tried to split some of her corporate influence, but they had failed. Also failing though, was George's health. At first he showed the beginning signs of dementia …but it got much worse.
George's failing health brought increased communication by the other corporate heads. They began vying for preferred positions. This shifting of shiftiness was not visible to those in the walled community. Many of them felt Rebekkah would give her inheritance to Stephen and Aleah, the two she'd acted like Grandma to, all these years.
Now, George's health is failing much more quickly. His condition is degenerating, the general diagnosis is Alzheimer's disease. The business world would have a difficult time accepting the fact that the inheritance would be put into George's hands. He certainly couldn't manage it. Then the answer became obvious ...he hadn't been. He had been slowly turning it over into the capable hands of Stan. No one has more proven ability than Stan. And Rebekkah would not just be turning over the inheritance to a stranger ---it would be in the caring and capable hands of a friend. No one was more loved than Stan, in the walled community ---perhaps in the entire world. And no one loved Stan more than Leah. The inheritance was certain to stay within the family.
550
Stan waits until most have departed. Then he leads Leah over to her Dad's side. There is something he feels he needs to tell both Leah and her parents. Stan chooses his words carefully, "That's going to be an exciting trip. Rebekkah had certainly planned well ---with each of you, lovingly in mind."
Stephen speaks not only for himself, but the rest of the family as well, "We aren't going on any trip. We have a wedding to attend in a couple weeks."
Stan hesitates, finding it difficult to form his words, "George is quickly getting worse. I'd find it extremely difficult for me to enjoy the beginnings of my marriage, when I could possibly be losing him. He's been the best dad ---more than I can imagine a dad could ever be. He needs me now. And you've all just lost Fernye ---and now Rebekkah. But beyond that, there is an even more important consideration."
Stan turns most of his attention to Leah, though he is still speaking to the entire family, "Leah, I really feel you need to spend this time with your Dad. He has just found his way back into your life, and you both have so much lost time to make up. I love you so much, Leah ---and I want to marry you soon. I want to spend our lives together. I feel that is the direction our lives are going ---and that is an irreversible direction. I love you now ---and I always will. My love for you grows day by day. And though I know our direction will never change, within our path is a short detour. It has been clearly marked for both of us. You should spend this time with your Dad and I should spend this time with mine. My love for you can only grow stronger. One of the big reasons I love you so much, is the fact that you are always compelled to do what is right. And I'm confident you'll agree that this is the right thing to do. In your heart, I think you know this is the direction to go. So go on the trip that Rebekkah has provided for you and your family. My heart will never leave you. So, go ---and when you get back, we will get married."
Leah is filled with tears. She does not speak.
Fernye says she feels a heaviness in her chest. Cindy says she has the same heaviness of heart, now that Shannon is gone. But Fernye insists that it's not the same. So to be on the safe side, Cindy agrees to take her to the hospital for a checkup.
Cindy stares ahead at the road. She does not say much. She really can't believe Shannon is gone ---but she is.
Fernye isn't saying much either. She just gazes out the car window. Suddenly, Fernye hollers, "Turn back!"
Cindy immediately senses danger at the tone of the command, "What! What's the matter?" Fernye insists, "Just turn back!"
Cindy quickly turns on her directional signal and turns on the first street to the left, "Okay. Now where and what am I turning back to?"
Fernye has calmed down a bit, but still has an anxious tone, "Just drive, I'll tell you when to stop!"
Cindy drives back a quarter mile. Fernye then cautions, "Slow down a bit ---get ready to pull off. Okay, right here!"
Cindy pulls off, "Okay, what is it?"
Fernye's heart leaps for joy, "Don't you see it?"
406
Cindy looks, "I see a barren field. You are looking here to the right, aren't you?" Fernye continues her ecstatic joy, "It's a field full of golden wheat, ready for harvest!"
Cindy looks to Fernye, then back out the window, "I'm sorry, Grandma, I still see a barren field. The sun is shining, perhaps casting a slight golden hue across the surface of the field. But I still just see a barren field."
Cindy is happy they are on their way to the hospital. Grandma is usually so sharp. But she is 113 years old. It is time for a check-up, for sure.
Fernye turns to Cindy, "Don't you see? I tried to convince Shannon not to go, but I believe I was wrong. She did the right thing. I somehow feel good about it now. There is a barren field out there ---barren of the truth of Jesus. And Shannon is going to help plant, cultivate, and witness a golden harvest. Can you see it now?"
Cindy smiles, "Yes, I see it! I guess I should have set my emotions aside too. I know God takes care of us all ---and certainly He will guide those who are most willing to let Him guide them."
Fernye smiles, "If you put another person's needs before your own, you meet two person's needs. If you put your own needs first, you meet no one's needs."
Cindy laughs, "Why are we going to the hospital, Grandma? You're as healthy as you've ever been."
Fernye chuckles, "We're not going to a spiritual counselor. My body is old. You bring your car in for a tune-up every so often, don't you?"
Cindy pulls back around, and proceeds to drive to the hospital.
Fernye seems to drift in thought, but chooses to share those thoughts, "Shannon was ready to grow. She wasn't ready to cultivate a relationship with Stan. If you cultivate before the growth begins, you just uproot that growth. Stan felt a need to be with someone, and that someone at this time was Shannon. But that would be putting his own needs, or what he felt were his needs, first. And as I said, then you meet no one's needs. Stan has gone through so much. He has matured. But we've sheltered Shannon. We've attempted to shelter her from things we felt that were not good, but we can't also shelter her from what is good. This mission experience is good. And Stan is good. When she returns, she'll be much more mature. She'll be ready to meet Stan on his level. Just wait and see."
407
**********
There is the fear of love realized too soon, and the fear of love not realized. The latter is the case with George. Instead of talking about marriage, Rebekkah had asked to be courted.
Hand-delivering flowers, he modifies his voice in a comical fashion, adding a drawl to his slowed speech, "I've heard your friend, Fernye, say over and over again ---that you can sure catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Now, we all know honey comes from a flower and a bee, so these flowers be ---for you."
Rebekkah holds back her laugh, attempting to maintain a least a semi-serious tone, "How romantic, George. I've considered myself many things ---but a fly, to be caught? What tangled web you weave! But, of course, you're quoting Fernye, so I understand it's not intended to be anything, but old folk romantic. Next, I expect you'll say my hair is like corn silk ---and it glistens like dew on the morning grass."
**********
Rebekkah returns to visit George that evening within his humble little dwelling. George is a refreshing part of the walled community. He is scheduled for surgery later in the week. They had discovered a tumor, the size of a fist, in the back of his head. It seems to rain on the just and the unjust. The same thing had happened to Ruth's dad ...there was nothing just about him. But, George is such a good man ...and dear friend.
Rebekkah knocks at his door. Most everyone in the community felt safe and secure enough to not worry about locking their door, but George said the reason he continues to lock his door is that he needs uninterrupted concentration to conduct his business.
Being a CEO of a business is not a carefree endeavor. When he was younger, it didn't bother him as much. But now he sometimes needs the added solitude. Still, there is none better than he at running a business. Stan is the best when it comes to computers, but he doesn't have the business sense of George. George is grooming Stan though. One day, Stan will have all the business savvy of George.
Rebekkah knocks again, certain he said he'd be expecting her at this time. But maybe she should wait a minute or two, allowing him time to finish his task.
408
Instinctively, she tries the door. It is unlocked!
It is not like George to not answer the door, and even more unlike him to leave the door unlocked. Well, he was expecting her, but still, she senses something is wrong.
She enters, her heartbeat racing. She finds George at his computer. But George does not look right. Something is wrong!
Rebekkah slowly moves around, behind George. His finger is poised, as if ready to proceed on the computer. She glances momentarily at the computer screen.
Suddenly, he taps one last letter of an access code. George's hand is once again frozen in position just above the keyboard. Something is definitely wrong! He appears to be in some sort of trance. Her guess is that perhaps he's having a stroke. She has no medical knowledge, but she needs to call an ambulance.
George's hand drops, striking the ENTER key. Then his head drops to the side as his body becomes limp, slumping in his chair.
She attempts to support him the best she can, enduring the added weight as she lowers him safely to the floor, without allowing him to strike his head.
**********
Stan paces back and forth outside the operating room. He hopes it's not too late. They had rushed George into surgery. He just hopes they were in time. But he is not alone with this hope of his. Many are in prayer.
The Doctors are confident after surgery. They speak hopeful words. They reassure Stan, and the rest of the prayer group, that they believe they didn't destroy any of the area around the tumor. They are hopeful he'll be himself again. But they'll be more certain in a couple days.
**********
In a short time, George shows much improvement. That is not the case for Shannon though. She is in great physical health, and nothing really to worry about there. But, she is very unsettled. She has been in the mission field less than a month, but sadly it already seems so long …and perhaps wrong, for her. Had she chosen wisely?
409
Shannon does not let on that she is not doing well though. She calls home, and listens to all the news Mom has to share. She had committed to one year in the Indonesian mission field. And she wasn't about to go back on that commitment.
As Shannon gets off the phone with Mom, she cries.
She could tell Mom was crying while she was on the phone. But Shannon didn't let on like she was having a miserable time. She misses Mom so much ---and Leah, Josiah, and Samuel. But there's more to it than that. She misses Dad too.
Being out in the mission field has much potential joy, but Shannon is yet to experience that. There is also a certain sense of being somewhat scared ---not knowing what to do. She recalls that Dad had always fixed things ---or had attempted to. Dad had never seemed to be able to fix it with Mom, but even when things seemed out-of-control, in a sort of way, Dad gave a secure feeling that he was at least struggling to attempt to make things right ---even if in an unpeaceful way.
In a strange sort of way, it was still peaceful when Dad was involved in her thoughts. He may have been wrong in the way he often had did things, but he had at least been struggling for what he wanted to make right.
And Shannon finds that admirable. It brings a deep sense of peace. Dad had a fault of perhaps worrying too much, but he was concerned ...and who could fault him for caring too much? Dad probably wouldn't have even let her go to the mission field. Grandma and Mom had discouraged her, but Dad would have done more ---he wouldn't have let her go to this strange far away place.
Shannon feels the warmth of Dad's arms around her. It is strange. She had never allowed that warmth, but now as she imagines it ---it feels so good. Yes, this is strange. Dad has been gone for over fifteen long years now ---and it has taken this long to be able to feel this kind of peace.
The strange feeling engulfs her and sweeps her along to imaginings she had not expected. As she imagines Dad's arms wrapped around her, the image suddenly becomes …Stan.
It is like she suddenly wants a hug from Stan. She and Stan had never hugged, held hands, or anything for that matter ---but suddenly she feels Stan's love ---the way she feels Dad's love. She'd been unprepared for this emotional journey, but as it unfolds before her, she begins to feel she even understands part of it.
In a way, an allowance is being made for an emotion that had been hindered, without any previous avenue for growth. Is that the way life goes?
Unexplainable? Not really ...it's been happening ever since the beginning of time. It merely happens because it is supposed to happen. It's not really as unexplainable as one may think ---it's God's way. She just hasn't experienced this sort of thing in her life before. Maybe it just takes a little slowing down, moving out of our typical agendas, and experiencing a new perspective.
Shannon begins to laugh at herself. These feelings are probably very common ...it's all a part of growth and maturity.
410
************************************
Time has a way of marching on. Shannon is nearing her year away from home. She has learned much. Often dreaming of adventures is the most fun, but she should also be experiencing what Moriah is feeling.
Shannon had always considered her cousin, Moriah, her best friend. They always shared dreams and adventures of their imaginations. But now that the adventure is real, it does not have the same effect for Shannon. She feels a little guilty. She feels she should be experiencing the joy that Moriah is feeling. After all, what greater joy could a Christian feel than introducing Jesus to a group of people yet void of that understanding?
What Shannon clearly does understand, is that she has too many other feelings rising to the surface. Above all, she feels she has to be honest with herself. Maybe she hadn't been ready for the mission field. Maybe during a different time, she would have been able to feel the same joy that Moriah seems to be experiencing.
Moriah had told Shannon she had some of the same uncertain feelings during her first mission trip. But Shannon knew that wasn't the same. There is a sense of uneasiness that comes with experiencing new things, but Shannon's uneasiness is with the imaginings of a different sort of journey. She had gone to the mission field, not because she had been drawn to it, but because she was drawing herself away …from any closeness that Stan may have been feeling towards her.
**********
The year is finally through! Shannon is coming home. And the very thing that she had run away from …is now drawing her close. She misses her family so much! But her feelings had done a complete turnabout with Stan. She is no longer afraid ...and she misses him too.
She is eager to explore the adventures of her heart through courtship. She hadn't tried to nourish the thought, but the more the thought crosses her mind, the more it begins to settle in with quiet contentment, towards commitment. She wants to settle down. And she wants to settle down with someone she can love …and who will love her. Stan had already announced both his feelings and his intentions. And Shannon feels she is ready to meet him on those terms.
411
Shannon says goodbye to Moriah and her parents. Moriah had committed to two years, so Shannon will be taking the trip back alone, without her friend and companion.
Shannon cries as she steps to the plane. Moriah and her mom, Aleah, cry too. But Lorvin doesn't cry. Lorvin is perhaps much like Stan. Shannon kind of laughs to herself through the tears, as she thinks back just a year ago. She had made such a big deal about not ever seeing Stan cry.
In the mission field, Shannon had seen many men void of God's leading and direction. Cultures had developed for hundreds of years without any of God's influence and understanding. Sadly, many of them reminded her of men in her own country ---a country where the vast majority had at one time believed in God, yet still God's influence scarce to recognize. Then in the name of unity and everything that it represents ---the Essence had made its inroads in her own country. And with peace and acceptance as avenues to link diversity and unity, there became an acceptance of diverse beliefs in God, stripping away truth and character ---much resembling those who are void of those standards which God freely extends to us through His Son, Jesus. All this brings a new perspective to how Shannon really feels about life. And it increases her appreciation for a man such as Stan.
As Shannon gets off the plane, she looks around. She doesn't see anyone immediately. She wonders how much more disappointment she must face. Then some movement catches her eye. Mom breaks from the crowd. Shannon drops her onboard luggage, and they embrace each other.
Then some big strong arms wrap around them both. Is it Stan? She turns her head to see. It is Samuel.
Samuel reminds Shannon of Grandpa Bauer. The gentle kindness of heart, yet a certain comforting strength ---and a great strength of character. She is so happy that Samuel is here. She teases, "Why aren't you taking care of my horse?"
Samuel smiles, "I have been. I thought that Malachi would be okay for at least a couple hours."
Shannon laughs, "I guess since he's too old to ride now, it's still no excuse to ride you." She gives him another big hug, "I really missed you, Samuel." She finally asks, "Where are Leah and Josiah?"
Cindy confesses, "I know this is rather selfish of me, but I wanted to spent some time alone with you first, before everyone else floods you with questions."
412
Cindy hugs Shannon for a very long time, "I missed you so much, Shannon."
Cindy and Shannon sit in the back seat of the car while Samuel drives.
Shannon smiles, "So, Leah and Josiah wanted to come along, but you wouldn't let them?"
Cindy reaches out to touch Shannon's hand, "They understand how Mom's are."
Shannon gently squeezes Mom's hand, then laughs, "So, where shall we start?" Samuel drives, and listens as Shannon tells Mom of her missionary experiences.
*******
Rebekkah, Fernye, and Ken are next to greet Shannon as she arrives at the walled community. Shannon can't help noticing the absence of Leah and Josiah. She expects they will surprise her at any moment.
Mom takes half that surprise away, "No one knew quite when you'd be arriving. And I guess it's my fault again. I was supposed to call ahead to tell them when we were arriving, but I was so eager to see you, I got carried away and forgot. Josiah should be at the printing room, off the church building. He's finishing the first 500 copies of 'The Essence'. He is so eager to see you. So is Leah, but I don't know where she is."
Shannon heads to the printing room. She looks about. She'd shared so much with Mom. But she'd not mentioned her silent wish about Stan. She is partly relieved that she has not seen him yet. She wants to see Josiah and Leah first. She might cry when she sees Stan, and it would be better if her eyes are already filled with tears.
Josiah sees Shannon coming. He runs and meets her halfway, sweeping his sister up in his arms. They both laugh and cry. It is such a joyous reunion.
Shannon asks to see the book, but Josiah says he has a copy set aside for her. "You can see it later. I'm sure Leah can't wait to see you. I think she's in the barn."
Shannon runs and skips to the barn. She is so excited. She could spent hours talking to Leah. Mom knew that, of course, and had made sure to mention that she expected them back for dinner.
413
Leah had shown interest in the mission field. She had wanted to go with Shannon, but Mom had told her "next time", hoping there would never be a next time. Shannon and Leah both understood that, of course. They all knew that Mom always wanted the whole family together ---and was so relieved that Shannon was now safely back home.
There are some things that Shannon is particularly eager to talk with Leah about. She will not share with anyone else how difficult it was for her in the mission field, but she will be able to share that with Leah. And she'll also share with Leah the feelings she now has towards Stan. Leah will understand. It won't remain a secret long anyway. Sometimes sisters sense these things without having to be told. She will tell Leah all about it. Leah will be so happy for her.
The excitement builds as Shannon approaches the barn. Across the front of the barn, stretches a huge banner: WELCOME HOME, SHANNON !!!
The barn door is open. Shannon slips inside. She can see Stan leaning against the top rail of Malachi's pen. He is facing away from her. Shannon keeps to the wall. She wants to surprise Stan.
Suddenly, Leah's voice is heard. She must be inside Malachi's pen. Stan stretches his arm out across the rail, "When I tried to announce my intentions with your sister, a year ago, it was embarrassing. I was rather surprised …because I thought she felt the same way as I did."
Hearing this brings a tear to Shannon's eye. Then she sees something glimmer in the light, on Stan's fingers.
Leah asks, "Is that tape on your fingers, Stan?"
Suddenly, Shannon recalls the video she had taped, one of her favorites, a portion of Dad, left behind. The puppet show comes to mind:
Breeze: "You stick with her as long as she wants."
Cody: "How long does she want?"
Breeze: "Until she gets a ring on her finger instead of tape."
Overcome with emotion, more tears gather in Shannon's eyes. Stan had decided to stick with her ---how long? He'd waited an entire year, not knowing her intentions. Now he was waiting to surprise her with a marriage proposal …one that was so endearing to her heart.
Stan's arm draws back, "I just wanted to check with you first, Leah."
Leah's voice is overcome with emotion, "This catches me a little off guard. What is this you are now saying ...with Shannon about to arrive at any moment. Are you telling me you are about to propose to her again?"
The sound of tape being peeled off a roll is heard. Stan rolls with it, "Your entire family is so special to me. Shannon made it rather clear a year ago, that she was not going to accept my proposal. Having to see her again, kind of makes me feel awkward. It kind of still hurts. I'd like someone who is sure they want to stand by my side. I'm just asking for you, Leah, to stick with me ---until I can get you a ring, instead of tape."
414
Shannon gasps for breath, trying not to make a vocal sound with the sudden intake of air. She slips back quickly along the wall. She cannot face him just yet. She has to compose herself first.
Shannon does well with composing herself. After several minutes, she knocks on the barn door, and hollers inside. The tears are there, of course. Leah rushes to her and cries with her, telling her how much she has missed her.
Several minutes pass, inclusive of Stan very politely welcoming her back. Then Josiah, having finished up at the print shop, enters the barn to remind them that it is time to eat.
While everyone is getting ready to eat, Stan announces his intentions. "I will make an announcement in church this Sunday, but you all are so very dear ...that I want to share my news with you now. I plan to marry Leah."
Shannon gives a happy smile for her sister … but it's also combined with a sadness, she truly must hide.
******************** Cindy and Fernye are very excited, and usher Leah off to an adjacent room. It does not even register with them that they have not even eaten yet.
Leah tries to get a few words in, "This is a surprise to me. It really catches me off guard. I didn't even get a chance to tell Stan how I feel. He sort of asked, but I never even got a chance to say anything. It was so awkward ...he sprung it upon me in the barn, just before Shannon walked in.
Cindy is about to say something, but Fernye jumps in, "None of that matters, we are so happy for you. Having Stan as your husband is too much to imagine ...it would be every girl's dream. And now it's your unbelievably wonderful reality."
***********************
Leah does not necessarily disagree with what everyone has said about how wonderful Stan is. She has just had insufficient time to think how she personally feels.
Leah wants to have one last private moment. She takes that private moment, early in the morning, at the cemetery.
Leah drops to her knees and prays, "Oh Lord, how is a person to really know? I know the beauty of Your design points to the love of death and resurrection. I know, Lord, that You have Dad in Your loving arms. I just want to know if it's the right thing for me to be in Stan's loving arms. I guess, I'm asking You, God, if this whole thing is directed by You ...for me to marry Stan. And if so, then would You please guide this blessing that You have given to the two of us, through our courtship?" Leah can't stem back the tears, "Oh, God, I don't really know why You took my Dad away. I know You are taking good care of him, but I miss him. I always miss him. But for some reason, I miss him more now."
Leah lowers her head to rest upon clasped hands. Her tears find their way to the earth around the gravestone. She hasn't cried like this in a long time.
After quite some time, Leah stands up and begins to pace back and forth in front of the gravesite, "Okay, Dad, I know it's the proper thing to do ---to ask you for your approval and blessing. Well, I don't really know what to say. Stan is a lot like you, Dad. Some people say he's even better than you, but in my heart there will never be anyone quite like you. You are my Dad, and I know no one could love me and take care of me like you did ---except God. So, if you are convinced that Stan is God's choice for me, then I know you will permit me to get a ring ---an unending circle of unending love and commitment. Those are your own words, Dad. I just wish I could have one more dance with you ---on my wedding day. If you could just hold me in your arms …and sing to me, one more time."
415
XXIX
Shannon has to adjust to the idea of her sister marrying Stan. If it can't be her, she'd want it to be Leah. She wants the best for her sister. Maybe it's best that it's Leah.
Shannon doesn't have much time to think out her emotions. The very next morning, her beloved Apaloosa, Malachi, dies.
For whatever reasons, many that they can be, Shannon decides she is going to go back to the mission field to finish out the second year with Moriah.
This is a shock to everyone, but Shannon is certain this is what she wants to do. She assures Leah that she will be back in plenty of time for her wedding.
Leah hands Shannon her well-preserved Cody Komodo, "Here, take this with you, and think of me. I'll be praying for you. I hear there are Komodo dragons on some of those islands. I pray you'll be safe. Take care of Cody ---and remember, I'm praying for you."
*******
Shannon's departure is much sooner than expected. They are all surprised at the news of her return to Indonesia, though Rebekkah had a surprise that she's confident would change Shannon's mind …but it arrives a day too late.
They all agree that Shannon had made the decision abruptly. But, for Fernye, it is more than that ...she feels she knows why. And she feels bad that she'd not been a bit more perceptive.
416
When Rebekkah goes to bed, she cannot sleep. She is quite familiar with emotional torment …but that regret is her own. Daily, she considers her own wrong decision, yet she feels paralyzed to correct it.
She considers Ruth's past life ...how she had experienced what it is like, but not had any regrets. Ruth had made a decision partly out of fear …but mostly out of love. Rebekkah cannot deny her own decision was mostly out of fear. And the guilt of not pursuing that love, torments her.
Shannon had made the best decision of all. Fernye had shared her thoughts with Rebekkah ...and Rebekkah feels Fernye is likely correct. Shannon had made her decision out of love. Of course, they'd never want Leah to catch wind of their suspicions. Leah was not to know. That not only would crush her love, but affect everyone. And she'd probably never suspect anything, as long as no one told her. The entire community is stoking the fires of love …and often love is blind.
Rebekkah recalls what Fernye had said just over a year ago …that Shannon cared about Stan, but wasn't quite ready. Fernye had been confident it would happen in God's time. Rebekkah had agreed, but where was that wisdom leading now? It had led Shannon back to the mission field. And it appeared that she was running away.
Rebekkah had hoped to convince her that there was another way. She had hoped that her gift would convince Shannon to stay.
Meanwhile, Cindy doesn't just want to suppose she knows what is wrong, she wants to at least attempt to verify it. Maybe Leah will know something. The age difference between the two appeared significant, until the past few years. They've since become real close. Leah had always wanted to do things with her big sister, always having to be told that she was too young. Shannon was always being adventurous with Moriah, which led to her journey to the mission field. But she hadn't realized how grown up Leah was becoming. Sisters are often close, sharing everything together. Maybe Shannon had told Leah something that would explain why she returned so hastily to the mission field.
Cindy inquires, "Leah, is there anything Shannon shared with you that would indicate why she would so quickly change her mind, and want to go back to the mission field?"
Leah sadly admits, "No, Mom. She didn't tell me anything, really."
**********
Rebekkah is extremely upset that her gift had not arrived on time. But she will not allow that to ruin her surprise. She will send the gift to Indonesia.
417
Fernye is amazed, "I guess I should have learned by now, that when you set out to do something, you don't let anything get in your way."
Rebekkah gives strict directions for them to call immediately when her gift arrives. Meanwhile, she has to occupy her time. Every minute that she waits feels like forever. She doesn't want to have another emotional event to link her deep ties to the island. She can't live forever with regrets of what she could have done.
But meanwhile, she can occupy her time and thoughts by working a bit more on her story. It is a painful process telling her story. She can in no way bring herself to do it through a letter, or a phone call. But she must tell the story …the entire story.
Some of the story is through the aid of a diary Ruth had left in her care. Some of the story had been told to her by Ruth. But most of it is being told through Rebekkah's own painful memories.
The title, So Loved, is Rebekkah's attempt at salvaging the good amongst the bad. But the story refused to end, as tragedy often visits contentment ---birthing confusion in The Curious Whether and How. Beyond this book, Rebekkah outlines the third phase of her trilogy, before even penning a line in the second story. Yes, to endure and find meaning in life, where others have failed ---to stop, and smell the roses, not to cower over past experiences of having the thorns lodged up your nose.
Rebekkah smiles as she picks out the title of the third book she plans to write. The title comes to mind as she recalls a line from a favorite poem. It speaks for those who endure, and those who endear, Do the Birds in the Wilderness Not Heard, Stop Singing Their Songs?.
Okay, so much for titles and outlines. Real life has to emerge out of pages of sketchy notes. She will slow down a little ---and begin to relive that which she feels she truly never really lived.
Rebekkah is in the thick of her writing, when the plot thickens across the world in Indonesia. Her gift arrives, but at that precise moment they realize that Shannon isn't there. And no one seems to know where she is.
Rebekkah hangs up the phone after abruptly ending the conversation with Sweeney, "Well, find her! Then call me back ...and don't take your Sweeney sweet time in doing it! She can't be lost …someone must know where she is at!"
418
They take more time than Rebekkah is comfortable with …each second tormenting her more and more. The old emotions race back with a resurgence.
Only two hours have elapsed. Finally the call comes, "I'm sorry, Rebekkah. We haven't found Shannon yet, but we have a couple witnesses that say they last saw her, Moriah, and one of the Rahayu brothers out fishing. The three of them appear to be missing. But everyone is instructed not stay out past nightfall. I will be sure to call you when they wander back."
Rebekkah finds no comfort at all in the fact that anyone would wander about ---she can't imagine anyone wandering about in those remote and uncivilized islands. Whether they wandered off or wandered back, wandering is wandering. And her imagination wanders ---wondering if Shannon and Moriah are okay.
There is a long pause, "I know you will do your best, Maggie. I'm sorry if I sound so tense."
Maggie and Stephen Tressel are in their mid-seventies. They are the foundation of the ministries throughout the Indonesian Islands, having been working exclusively there for the past 50 years. Rebekkah recalls when she'd joined in on one of the mission trips over twenty-five years ago. As an integral part of New Tribes Mission, they were a textbook study of effective ministries.
Cindy and the children are gathered around, waiting to hear any bit of good news.
Fernye emerges from prayer, giving her vote of confidence, "I have this unbelievable feeling of relief ---like something wonderful or terrible is going to happen, depending upon your perspective. I don't know if my time is near ---or if it's something else."
This serves as no relief. Rebekkah thinks about what Fernye had said. She could be in agreement ---that if her own time is near, it would be wonderful to finally enter eternity through the ushered hand of Jesus. But Rebekkah fears how terrible it could be ---being left behind to face the conditions that she most recently had learned more about. Being Fernye's age, or even her own, you could anticipate that your own 'End time' to be quickly approaching. Though who could be certain of what tribulations need be endured before Jesus' return.
Rebekkah fears for those she loves. And she struggles against trusting God and trying to put it all in His hands ---instead of her own hands.
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Lorvin and Aleah must also be worried sick, as their own daughter is reported missing with Shannon. But they are there ...and they are able to do something about it.
That gives Rebekkah some comfort, knowing they will do their best. Nevertheless, Rebekkah's frustration continues to build. She is not used to sitting back, with nothing she can do about it. She is used to being in control ---of others, not of herself.
Somehow Fernye's words always seem to penetrate the mind and lodge themselves in the memory. Rebekkah recalls Fernye's words, "It's when you feel the most helpless …that you are, in fact, the most help."
She knows Fernye is right ---and she sits down to pray.
Back in Indonesia, things were being organized as quickly as possible. Feleti Rahayu said that his younger brother Hola had been mumbling lately about how he can be as effective as anyone. Feleti had been the sole guide and translator for Stephen and Maggie for the past dozen years.
Hola had seemed to take a fondness to Moriah. Feleti doesn't know quite why, but he feels uncomfortable about this. He feels his younger brother might set out to try to prove something. And though Shannon and Moriah may have initially set out to sea for a relaxing break from the routine, an afternoon of fishing …in Hola's eyes it may have become an intentional drift to another island, to attempt to become a fisher of men.
Feleti fears that may be precisely what had happened, and he feels responsible for taking care of it …his brother being involved. He prepares to set sail alone, but Sweeney and Murray claim that their ship is faster. And they also still have that issue of Shannon's gift that they have to deal with. They were expected to personally deliver the gift to Shannon, and they'd pledged to stay until that mission is fulfilled. And of course, Lorvin and Aleah insist on going.
The five person crew quickly boards the ship. Stephen and Maggie had established a base on a small island in the Lesser Sunda Islands. It is north of Sumbawa and Flores Island. Feleti focuses in on a small island to the north, as he directs Murray and Sweeney to set sail. Feleti has a feeling which island Hola would have chosen to sail to.
Lorvin is worried. Every minute that his daughter and Shannon are away, fills him with mounting anxiety. He considers it just briefly, then appeals, "I'm sorry, but I can't travel to an island guided by just a feeling. Nor do I want to be guided by worry. Let's pray about this."
Feleti agrees. Prayer is the better course. Murray shuts the engine off, and lets their craft drift. Feleti doesn't wait to see who wants to lead in prayer, "Dear Lord, God, please guide us in the way ....."
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A desperate cry penetrates their prayer, "Wait! Wait!"
The voice is that of a young man, losing ground or taking on more water, as he desperately attempts to swim to the ship.
Feleti hollers out, "Kakau!"
They turn the ship around to rescue Kakau.
Kakau crawls on board, with their help, bringing the crew to six members now. Pants and hair dripping, Kakau attempts to explain, "I didn't want to holler from the shore because you might have thought I was just a madman hollering from shore."
Feleti adds, "You're right. A drowning man certainly draws closer attention."
Kakau takes a deep breath, "I ran from the other side of the island when I heard Shannon and Moriah were missing. I saw which way Hola went with them."
Feleti smiles, "I'm glad we prayed. Kakau is a good swimmer, but I don't think he would have caught us if we had not stopped the motor to pray."
It seems to take forever, but soon they circle around to the other side of the island and sail South, which they now assume is the correct direction.
Lorvin stares out across the water. The island they had left is now out-of-sight and there is no land to be seen. The others resume praying again, but Lorvin remains silent, away from the group. He stares out over the waters, for what seems like hours.
Suddenly, Lorvin shouts, "I see something! It's a boat!" He wants to shout that it's them, but there is no way of knowing.
Sweeney hands Feleti a telescope. Feleti quickly identifies, "It's Folau. No one knows these islands like Folau. He's been the self-proclaimed king of these waters for the past thirty years."
Again, Lorvin is not comforted by any proclamation short of announcing where his daughter and Shannon are. As they approach Folau's vessel, Lorvin shouts another announcement, "There's land! I see land!"
Feleti is not king of the islands, but he is familiar enough, "That's Komodo Island."
As they approach Folau's vessel, Feleti begins shouting conversation that only Feleti and those onboard Folau's vessel understand, as they respond in return.
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There are nearly a dozen, casting nets off Folau's vessel. Suddenly, a voice that can be understood by Lorvin, brings Aleah to his arms, and tears to both, "Hola not go Komodo Island ...Hola go there!"
The young man by the name of Malu, points, but Lorvin does not see anything. Sweeney hands him the telescope. Lorvin sees a faint, but certain silhouette of an island.
Malu climbs onboard, numbering their crew at seven. Malu talks broken English as well as most of the Islanders ---not as well as Feleti or Kakau, but well enough to understand.
Malu describes the people on the island where he said he saw Hola go. But what he says causes great concern, especially to Lorvin and Aleah. Malu says there are two islands. One island is inhabited by women and children ---the other one, only by men.
Feleti turns to Lorvin to joke, "Kind of like the Bible College you told me about ---where the men and women are expected to sit arm's length apart. But here, they sit islands apart."
Lorvin doesn't laugh. From what Malu says, Hola brought Moriah and Shannon to the men's island where women are forbidden.
Lorvin asks, "What happens if a woman goes to the men's island?"
Malu's answer is straightforward, "Don't know …never happen."
Malu and Feleti continue to talk. Apparently, whenever a man dies, the chosen one by that man, if he be a cart carrier or less than a chief, takes the dead man to the women's island for burial. The women begin preparing the grave as soon as they see the boat coming. Then a huge feast is put on, as a part of a marriage ceremony, of sorts.
Malu is very serious about telling his story. But he doesn't realize he is switching languages in telling it.
Feleti asks him to continue telling the story in English, so the others can hear the story too.
Malu obliges, "Women have contest. Each woman already made chair. Chair made of whatever find on island. Each woman put chair on back. Man climb up on chair, on woman's back. Each woman take turn carrying man on back. Woman who carry man farthest, wins. Woman who carry farthest, get chance to carry child. Man stay on island 'til child born. If woman not have child by 330 settings of sun, then nother contest find nother woman for man."
Aleah tries not to let on how worried she is. She attempts to show interest, "So, the man returns to his island as soon as the child is born?"
Malu speaks directly to Aleah, "Soon as child born, nother contest. This time only boys. Boy who carry most buckets of water on pole, be 'chosen one' of man. Boy then go with man back to man island."
Feleti laughs, "Best system of population control I've ever heard of."
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Aleah does not laugh. She asks, "What you mean by 'chosen one'? What 'chosen one' mean?" She catches herself speaking in the same broken English.
Malu looks into her eyes, "If I be 'chosen one' of Feleti, then when Feleti die, I bring him to woman island."
Aleah is thinking more in-depth about this than anyone else, "What if there is a weak boy who never wins a contest? Wouldn't the frailest boys become frail men and remain on the island?"
Malu begins talking at length in the native language. Feleti listens, taking great concern for what Malu is saying.
Aleah waits until Malu is done with his lengthy discourse, then addresses Feleti, "Is he aware that he switched back to his language again? What did he say just then?"
Feleti translates the unknown portion, "He said, no."
Aleah insists, "He said more than that!"
Feleti offers more, "Well, he said that when a boy is born, the mother nurses the boy until the boy can carry a pole with one full bucket of water on each end. When a girl is born, the mother nurses the girl until the girl can carry a boy on her back. This is the only training the children must go through. But to answer your question, any boy who reaches the age of twelve, who has not won the bucket carrying contest, must leave the island, and promise never to return to either the men's or women's islands. Those 12-year-olds are considered weak, and usually become fisherman on some other island."
Aleah doesn't know why Malu has turned away, but trusts Feleti can perhaps still answer her question, "So, if their are a lot of girl babies born, combined with the fact that some weak 12-year-olds are banished from the islands, wouldn't that create a dilemma of sorts, if no boys were available to qualify to return to the men's island as a 'chosen one'?"
Malu turns back around, "If girl born, man still return to man island. Then oldest 'chosen one' on man island go to woman island. If girl born again, then next oldest 'chosen one'. Next and next …'til boy born."
Malu appears upset. He turns away again.
Aleah inquires, "What is wrong? Why does he keep turning away?"
Feleti explains, "Malu feels you are questioning things too much. Each of the islands have their own way of life. And they just accept things the way they are. Every country, every people, have their own culture, their customs, their traditions."
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Aleah explains, "It's just that my daughter is lost out here somewhere and I'm a bit tense and concerned about what kind of people she may be running into. But I already know what kind of people live on these islands. People that we care about. That's why we are doing missionary work here. I thank Malu for refocusing my attention back to the reason we are all here. And I'll try hard not to let my emotions get in the way."
Feleti offers one last bit of knowledge, "You have to learn the ways of the islands if you want to leave a good impression."
Aleah adds, "I want to leave more than a good impression. I want to leave them the truth."
Lorvin and Aleah take a private moment by themselves to pray, shedding more tears with their prayers.
Murray and Sweeney, on the other hand, find much interest in this cultural diversity. They listen as Feleti becomes an open history book to them, "Indonesia consists of between thirteen thousand and eighteen thousand islands, six thousand of which were for a long time uninhabited. But things changed at the beginning of the century, or millennium, as you would say. And some would say, organized crime began it's influx in a big way at this time. We would prefer to say ---organized labor, which in and of itself is a crime. Big business was the reason they terrorized our people and set up labor camps, putting even our young children to work, under the cruelest of conditions. That's when some of the people felt they had no choice but to move about, and even inhabited some islands previously known to be uninhabited."
While Murray is most fascinated by the description of the people and their beliefs, Sweeney has one main focus, "What about Komodo dragons?" He had heard mention of Komodo Island. He assumes it was named after the reptilian wonder.
Feleti continues his history lesson, "No people used to live on Komodo Island, but in the 1800s the King of Indonesia sent criminals to Komodo Island to punish them. Their descendents continued to live there. Then in 1980, the entire island was declared a National Park and the Komodo dragons were protected. That same decade, a large fire on Pador Island destroyed many Komodo dragons, and the surviving Komodos swam to neighboring islands. This greatly dwindled their numbers and also their habitation. But surprisingly this same thing happened again 30 years later on Komodo Island. Terrorists were responsible for destroying the National Park."
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This peaks both Murray's and Sweeney's interest, as Feleti continues, "But worse, they terrorized our mission effort. We were doing great work, especially with the Weyewa, Sumbanese, and Tanimbarese people. The terrorists destroyed our missionary establishments. We had to relocate in 2015, to another island. We had to rebuild our headquarters and our whole strategy. Some of the islands that we felt had great promise, fell back to their old beliefs. Some even regressed so far that we have been unable to reach them."
Sweeney is upbeat, "It can't be all that bad, can it? We all have to rid ourselves of old beliefs sometime or another throughout our lives."
Feleti is a bit more serious, "Well, nothing's impossible, but it is often unsuccessful. These people were also told that a great evil was coming to their island. They didn't know when, but they were told to heed the warning. And they were warned that the great evil would come if they heard the name of Jesus. They were told to guard themselves against any mention of Jesus. They were told they should do whatever is necessary … to flee from any sort of evil and rid themselves of those who would come with such a troublesome message."
Murray inquires, "They made the name of Jesus …as a curse?"
Sweeney confesses, "I have to admit that in a matter of speaking, which I should have in no way spoken, I did the same thing. My own country makes cursing common place, yet not out of fear, but rather of no account. Sadly, few so-called civilized people guard themselves against the misuse of the name of Jesus."
Lorvin continues to stand, staring across the waters. The island is still a good distance away, but it is coming into view. Malu joins Lorvin, but does not share in Lorvin's silence. Malu speaks the language in a rather choppy style, but he can be understood. He talks and talks …and talks. But Lorvin isn't listening.
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XXX
Moriah and Shannon had listened very carefully to Hola. But what choice did they have? Hola has them lost. They are uncertain whether it's intentional or not …whether Hola is lost also. But at this point it is rather irrelevant. What is relevant though, is the fact that Hola appears to be less confident than he had been.
Yes, Hola appears to be somewhat fearful himself. The only advantage appears to be that there is a feast of some sort going on. It appears not to be a celebration feast, but rather a feast of atonement. If there is one thing that Hola does know for sure, it is about eating. And he is very confident that he knows the difference between one feast and another.
They had arrived at the island before sunrise. There'd been no sign of life on the island ---until the earth shook. Then there was a great awakening, of much activity. They suddenly focused on gathering up foods and other specific items ---with what appeared to be preparations of an offering, to atone for their wrongdoings ---the apparent connection with the great quaking of the earth.
Hola had said that they might as well witness to the people as long as they are here. But what Moriah and Shannon are witnessing is perhaps a change of heart by Hola ---as they witness this great scurrying about of people.
Shannon is certain they would otherwise be seen ---if not for the intense focus of gathering together what appears to be preparations for a feast. The people are simply too distracted in their panicked state. And Shannon is very glad for the distraction.
At this time, a huge parade or caravan formation is quickly assembled. At the head of the parade is what Hola calls a sedan chair. Four people carry it on two long poles. The poles support a chair surrounded by curtains. Only once do they get a glimpse of a person behind the curtains, as the pole carriers pass too closely to a tree branch, catching the curtain and temporarily pulling it back. The parade proceeds along a ridge, the sedan chair with pole carriers in front, followed by the long line of those serving a purpose similar to pack mules …hunched over under the weight of their load.
Hola finds a path within the thicket below, following along the ridge above. Curiosity moves him, yet fear keeps him concealed within the path below. This path below is not a very frequently followed path, mostly overgrown with brush …yet Hola moves quickly, Shannon and Moriah with no option but to follow.
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Hola leads, careful not to allow the snapping of a branch to be heard, and sure not to allow one to snap back in the faces of Moriah and Shannon who follow closely on his heels.
Twice Shannon's hair snags on the thicket. It not only hurts, but the snapping of a twig draws Hola's attention as he looks back. She quickly tucks her hair under her baseball cap.
Hola attempts to keep pace with the sedan chair. He moves with ease through the bush. Moriah and Shannon are not so accustom to this. They manage to keep up, but don't know how much longer they'll be able to.
Suddenly the earth shakes again. Instinctively, they all freeze in their tracks. Hola, Moriah, and Shannon look up. Hola reacts quickly, stepping aside as a huge rock occupies the spot he once did.
One of the men carrying the pole of the sedan chair is too close to the edge of the ridge. He stumbles as another rock breaks loose. He slides over the edge of the ridge, desperately grasping for anything. He manages to grip a small shrub ---also attempting to hang-on to the rocky soil.
This all brings on a chain of events of earthshaking proportion. The unbalanced weight at the front of the sedan chair, created by the missing pole carrier, causes the other lead pole carrier to trip. The front drops, causing the poles to slide across the rocky path. The two rear pole carriers lower their end, attempting to level the ride …but one pole slides over the ridge's edge. The lead pole carrier who had tripped, tries to regain his position, lifting up on his side …which completely tips the sedan chair over.
Then the worst happens! Everyone on top of the ridge looks down, now discovering Hola, Moriah, and Shannon ---as their Chief tumbles out of the sedan chair and down the ridge, still caught within the curtains. And the Chief's frightening descent lands him right at Shannon's feet.
Shannon instinctively kneels beside him, moved by fear of the possible fatality of the event. Blood is streaked across the Chief's face, and matted throughout his long hair and beard.
While Shannon focuses her attention on the condition of the Chief, panic sets in for Hola and Moriah as they witness the natives quickly descending the ridge to their fallen leader. The imminent danger poses an uncertain outcome ---especially for Shannon, as they encircle her.
Shannon's eyes are shut, as she prays that the Chief's fall not be fatal. She is not even aware that the tribal men have now gathered around her. Hola and Moriah stand speechless, powerless to do anything, except to also pray …but with eyes as wide open as can be.
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********************
A much smaller procession, of seven, stroll along the water's edge. Feleti hadn't shared his fears with the others. He had feared how they'd get close to the island. Now that they are on the island, the others stand in fear of the sudden earthquake. But, Feleti doesn't fear the quake ...he fears the quaking spirit of Malu that is evident to him, and that he seems to be holding something back.
Feleti's interest is in using Malu's familiarity with the islands to aid them in befriending the islanders. He takes Malu to the side to talk privately. He wants to ask Malu how he knows so much about these islands. If the islanders fear anyone getting near, in fear that any visitor may be the evil one, then how did Malu get near enough to learn all these things?
Malu had not intended it this way, but says he will be of no help to Feleti or the others. He admits to having a great personal fear of the islanders. But an even greater fear is that the others will find out why.
Feleti wants to know what it is that Malu is not telling him. If they are going to work together to find Hola, Moriah, and Shannon, then they can't afford keeping any secrets … as it may jeopardize their chance of a successful rescue effort.
Malu has one request, "You first agree not tell anyone."
Feleti honors that request, "Okay, I won't tell anyone. But you must tell me."
Malu lowers his voice. No one is in earshot, but he still whispers, "I one of twelve-year-olds, banished because of weakness."
As they now stroll down the beach, Feleti presents his suggestion to Murray and Sweeney, "We may have to give up Shannon's gift to gain their favor."
Murray has second thoughts, "Maybe I should have stayed with the ship. What if it isn't a friendly tribe?"
Feleti needs all the support he can get, and feels the heavy burden of response, "I don't really know. We missionaries have to face the fact that there's much we don't know, and we have to believe enough in what we are doing to take that chance."
Sweeney has a different perspective than his brother, "I'd rather take a chance with the natives here than to have to face Rebekkah if we don't find Shannon and deliver her the gift."
Suddenly, a group of natives come out of the thicket. The seven stand together as the natives walk within a few feet of them ---holding sticks, clubs, and spears.
Murray whispers, "They don't look too friendly!"
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Natives come out of the thicket at three more spots ---one group closing in from behind and two approaching on each remaining side.
Sweeney reconsiders, "I think Rebekkah would understand." He turns to Feleti, "I think we should offer Shannon's gift to their Chief. I would so much like to make peace with these wonderful people. Feleti, please tell me you can make them happy!"
Feleti hesitates, "I think I understand part of what they are saying, but each island is slightly different. I'd rather not consider the possibilities of what might happen if I say something wrong. Give me a little extra time to think about this."
Murray can't contain himself, "We might not have a little extra time. Malu, you like to shoot the breeze ---say something. Say anything! You're from around these parts, tell them this is a gift for their Chief."
Feleti nods his approval, and whispers to Malu, "Malu ...you must say something! You were a child when you left ...they won't recognize you."
Malu has fear in his eyes, "How I explain how I know how to speak language so well."
Feleti is a bit impatient, "You think too much ...now start talking!"
Malu isn't quite sure, "Okay, but what if never seen before? Maybe afraid of what you call ...horse. Could be reason for spears and clubs. But, you the boss!"
Malu talks so fast that it would be difficult to believe anyone could understand even a word he says. And he says so much that they are wondering what all he's saying. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to ask Malu to talk.
The circle suddenly widens, as the natives take a couple steps back. One native speaks what appears to be only five or six words.
Feleti, Kakau, Murray, Sweeney, Lorvin, and Aleah all look at Malu. But it is Lorvin who seems most eager to know, "Did you ask them if they've had any other recent visitors to the island?"
Malu is either a man of many words, or of few words, "No."
Feleti clarifies, "Malu told them we are friendly, that we mean no harm, and that we brought this gift for their Chief."
Lorvin doesn't understand, "Why are we giving them a gift? We are not certain whether Moriah and Shannon are even here."
Feleti asserts himself, as he has over the years in leadership, "We can't guarantee we will be here! When things get rough, we have to work with what we have. Besides, we can't go back on it now ---they've accepted our offer at this point. The one man said he'd get the Chief."
Several minutes go by. It seems like forever, but then the natives line up in two rows beside the thicket. And out of the thicket emerges a makeshift stretcher between two poles. The four men are carrying what appears to be a human body.
They step to the side, and set the body down. It's impossible to tell whether the body is alive or not ---or for how long, in either state. It is also impossible to predict whether the same outcome will befall them …as did the one left lying on the stretcher.
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Then out of the thicket comes a sedan chair covered with curtains, and carried by four men between two poles. The one native who said he'd get the Chief, takes the gift from Sweeney.
Sweeney hesitates to give it over, but Feleti is the one calling the shots, so he lets go.
Suddenly Shannon leaps from behind the curtain of the sedan chair. Hola steps out next, and says something to Shannon ---at which point she bursts with joy and wonderment, grabbing the reins of the Arabian horse.
Shannon is yet to see the newly arrived party of seven. Moriah pulls back the curtain of the sedan chair, standing above the rest, as a look-out from this grand vantage point.
Upon seeing their daughter above the crowd, Lorvin and Aleah race between the two rows of natives towards the sedan chair. Moriah doesn't immediately recognize them as they stride past Shannon and the horse.
Suddenly she sees who it is …and leaps from the sedan chair and into her Daddy's arms. The hug then extends itself to Aleah ---whose tears of joy and gratitude stream down her face.
Hola expects to be scolded severely by his brother ---who instead hugs him, saying nothing, the hug speaking for itself.
Shannon greets everyone with tears of joy, then attention is drawn to the most immediate concern. The man on the stretcher is in critical condition. He is in need of immediate care.
The ship has some medical supplies, but it's best he be treated at the hospital on the mission base island. Aleah is a well-trained nurse, and takes charge in that respect. She joins Murray and Sweeney in taking the injured man to the ship. Kakau also goes with them to help navigate back, and in case they need a translator along the way.
Feleti, Hola, Lorvin, Moriah, Shannon, and Malu all agree to stay on the island to carry out what already appeared to be in motion ---to bring God's Word and the message of Jesus to this island people. Murray and Sweeney pledge to return with supplies.
The natives look on with much interest as their visitors wave after saying goodbye and parting company. Even the natives pick up on it. They begin waving to the boat as it takes their old chief to the ship. They then turn, and begin waving to each other.
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Some of the islanders continue to wave, but most of them turn their attention to Shannon as she rides up and down the beach at the water's edge on her Arabian horse. And she waves too.
The warm breeze catches a wisp of her hair, gently whipping it away from her face. Shannon smiles. She will name her horse ---Breeze.
Malu agrees that it is a good name, though he pronounces it ...Bees. But the rest of the crew agree they are more interested in other things ...like finding out how Shannon came about being named their new "Chief".
Shannon isn't quite sure herself. But Malu is sure to find out. He has somehow overcome his fears, and he is talking up a storm with the islanders. It appears certain he will come up with the answer.
**********************
That evening, they gather together to come up with a plan ---a plan to present to these people ---the plan of salvation.
What Malu had shared with them would aid them in their plan. Malu had found out from the islanders how Shannon had become Chief. Apparently, when the Chief's time to die came, it was customary that whoever was closest when he could no longer stand …would become the new Chief. Apparently, the Chief was sick and was trying to let on that he wasn't. But they all knew that he was ...and were letting on too. They had planned the longer route to the mountain plateau because it was more rocky. They had hopes that the rocky ride would make the Chief sicker.
The pole bearers had been hopeful the Chief would fall out of the sedan chair at one of their feet. But as it was, the Chief fell down the ridge and landed at Shannon's feet. And as they had gathered around her, their pathway was clear. They had no choice, but to bow to Shannon …as their new Chief.
The islanders did not necessarily respect their custom, but they appeared to fear opposing it. That was a form of respect. They'd perhaps wished it another way, but they had no other choice. If they departed from their own customs, they'd be departing from that which they all respected. And new ideas may bring forth difference of opinion, then eventually the threat of division and lawlessness. That is what they had fled from, and no one seemed to want to risk returning to that.
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The pole bearers had admitted this to Malu ---which was a good sign. Confession of wrongdoing is an integral part in the salvation message. This seems to hold true for most cultures. If they are open to admitting they've been tempted to oppose their own rules, then they've indicated they understand the importance of doing what is right. Then if they're told their right is actually wrong, they can continue on with learning to understand what is truly right.
Feleti cautions the group. They will follow the New Tribes approach of teaching, but they will hold off longer in mentioning the name of Jesus. The terrorist groups had taught to guard against anyone who would mention Jesus ---and this island group had probably heeded the warning, even though it appears they had possibly fled the main areas where terrorist activity had gotten a foothold, establishing its strongholds.
There is hope. The rumor is that this island group and culture had only established itself a little more than a generation ago. It is believed that these two islands ---this one which the men occupied and the other one which the women occupied ---had been previously uninhabited by humans. But that all had changed when the terrorists destroyed Komodo Island. The natives and the Komodos had both left for …apparently these two islands.
Malu does not like Komodo dragons ---no one he knows does, but his fear of them is way beyond most ---based in a childhood fear. There is no present evidence of Komodo dragons, but he is certain to ask, "Wh-wh-a-whe-r-e, where are Komodos?"
He suddenly realizes it, and has to repeat the question in their language.
They inform Malu that the Komodos are confined to the South half of the men's island. The women had successfully herded them off their island by using fire, and those Komodos also swam to the South half of the men's island ...where they reportedly flourished. No doubt, the islanders fed them so well! Malu also is told that the Komodos are considered the guardians of the mountain, the guardians of the 'Man in the mountain'.
The men's island is divided in two by a deep canyon. The older men remember when the two halves of the island split in the mountains. It would've divided further, but the Chief returned the 'Man in the mountain' to his rightful place in the mountain, and peace was restored.
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Feleti suggests to the missionary group that they not attempt to discourage them from their native practice of taking food to the mountains. "Our goal is not to offend their beliefs. In time, they will replace their beliefs with the truth."
Feleti tells Hola that he can lead the teaching, since he came here for that purpose. Feleti anticipates the teaching may go smoother than in many other areas. The language of this island is not that much different. And Malu can aid greatly in any translation barriers, since he appears to understand significantly more than anyone else. Feleti does not tell why. He will respect Malu's request that no one know.
So, it is settled. As their new Chief, Shannon will direct the islanders to listen and learn. They will watch Hola teach, and listen to Malu translate. At Shannon's direction, they will hear, and learn the message of salvation.
Meanwhile, they will join the islanders as they continue to feed the Komodos ---which they refer to as 'guardians of the mountain'. And they will continue to prepare also for the 'Man in the mountain', who obviously is their god.
Feleti stresses his point over and over, "We should not set out to offend their belief system, but to guide them in truth. That will allow them to choose their own readiness to replace each of their beliefs with the truth."
The others agree. Establish respect first. That will aid in a greater depth of attentiveness, and a commitment to learning.
As Shannon joins them at the mountain plateau to feed the Komodos, she makes her announcement, "This will be the area we will do the teaching."
Malu wishes this would have been one of the things discussed in advance. He whispers to Feleti, "Have to teach in area where Komodos are?"
Feleti whispers back his response, "Announce it to the people as she has requested. In order to dispel their superstitions, we must stand courageous before their fears. We must together witness the emptiness of their demigods and their gods. And you must understand the great opportunity this provides to bond with their people, without caving-in to their beliefs."
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*********************
Shannon directs them to take the shortcut, not the rocky ridge. And she chooses not to ride in the sedan chair. "No more sedan chair …no wait!"
Malu is about to translate that, but Shannon changes her mind. She will keep the sedan chair, but she will not ride in it. The Bible and the teaching materials will occupy that sacred and respected place behind the curtains.
Shannon chooses instead to ride her horse. It is a rather easy ride from the northwest corner of the island, instead of the rocky route along the ridge at the northeast. It's an easy and enjoyable ride through the foothills. Then the elevation changes more significantly. There are challenging spots, yet not unmanageable for Breeze.
It is difficult to appear humble ---riding aloft and not to appear aloof, as she lets her horse gallop ahead at times. Any horse would amaze a people who had never seen a horse before. But Shannon had seen and read about enough horses to know this one stands above the rest. This black Arabian is a combination of strength and beauty ---with its muscular lines and unchallenging confidence. Her horse ascends the mountain like it's nothing ---it's simply a breeze.
Lorvin is a student of geology ---from a Christian perspective. The land being the teacher ---and of course, the Bible. Lorvin judges this island to be very unstable. By the looks of the land, there had been much volcanic and earthquake activity which brought the island to its present condition.
At its highest point, the ridge juts out, creating the narrowest point of the canyon. Breeze stops under a large tree, gracing the point, a plateau stretching out on the other side of the canyon, only fifty feet away at this point.
When the others finally reach their destination, they join Shannon for the breath-taking view. It is also a great vantage point. You can see the entire island from here, and anyone who may be approaching the island by sea. No one should be able to approach the island without detection. And the women's island can just barely be seen from here also. Malu points it out, as the islanders point it out to him.
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The islanders call to the 'guardians of the mountain'.
They take their turns at the point. A rope is tied to the handle of each large basket, and the other end tied around their waist. The natives begin to twirl the huge basket of food below their waist. They begin twirling low and extend the circle to over their head. Then they release the basket from their hand like the hammer throw of track and field events …except for the rope part. If they don't release it just right, the food won't leave the basket, and the weight of it may propel them into the canyon as extra Komodo treats.
Malu steps back. Even from his safe distance, he doesn't want to see the Komodos, as they come for their food. The others step forward to see if they can see the Komodos. But they step back again as the fourth person begins twirling his basket. This time the rope is released, basket and all clearing the canyon.
The missionary group is confused as they watch the fifth, sixth, and seventh baskets clear the canyon and land on the plateau. Then to their surprise, natives run out from behind some rocks, and begin devouring the baskets of food that had landed on the plateau.
Malu quickly tries to clear up the misunderstanding. Apparently, there are various levels of 'guardians of the mountain'. The Komodos are one level …and these natives, seemingly trapped on the plateau and eager for food, are another level of 'guardians'.
At this point, the question curiously becomes, whether the 'Man in the mountain' is actually, 'Men in the mountain'. But Malu quickly asks and clears that one up too. There is only one 'Man in the mountain'.
Feleti assumes that the sole 'Man in the mountain' is a chief of sorts. Shannon is the Chief of the lowlands and they probably had a designated 'Man' of the mountains.
Shannon observes for a moment as the natives devour the food on the plateau. But she is more interested in the Komodos. She had never seen a Komodo dragon before. She grabs a tree branch to steady herself near the edge of the cliff, peering down into the canyon. She does not look long though. It is not a pretty sight. She can understand Malu's feelings about it.
Shannon steps back by Malu. She remembers that she had packed Cody Komodo. She takes him out of the small purse attached to her belt. She thinks of Leah. Her sister certainly wouldn't have had such kindly affection to Cody if she had first seen the real Komodos. Shannon thinks of Mom, Josiah, and Samuel too. She misses them all.
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Shannon steps towards the empty baskets. She is overcome by such a foul smell.
Malu laughs at seeing her facial expression. He explains that the baskets hold two different types of food. Half of the baskets are prepared for the natives on the plateau. The other baskets, Malu very descriptively explains, "Komodo food. Gather all rotting carcasses can find along shore."
Shannon interrupts, "Okay, you can stop now. Or my lunch will have to be added to their menu."
Malu is prompted to ask his next question, "How islanders, guardians, get on plateau?"
The one man in charge of the food baskets, Siaosi, laughs. Then Siaosi speaks to the others ---and they laugh together. Siaosi then calls out several times, "Tevita, Tevita, Tevita."
A young man with the brightest smile and near perfect teeth, steps from the back of the group. Siaosi and the young man converse privately by the large tree, then the young man begins to climb the tree.
The young man, Tevita, climbs three-quarters of the way up the tree, then crawls out on a limb. He appears to have a rope in his hands. Suddenly, he springs from the branch like a frog off a log. The rope carries him swinging beyond the cliff, out over the canyon. At its furthest point, he lets go of the rope, does a backward flip through the air and lands on a heap of something.
Malu translates, "Dried grass."
The question then becomes ---how does the young man, Tevita, or any of the others get back if they choose to do so?
As Malu prepares to speak, the natives begin to laugh again.
Lorvin smiles, "It appears that smiles and laughter are a universal language, but what one laughs at can vary greatly. What are they laughing at this time?"
Malu translates, "Think funny how you think they not know how do things."
This time Siaosi climbs up the tree. He pulls the end of the rope back up with him and appears to be fastening it to something. With a large kick from one of his legs, a large timber moves out away from the tree trunk, falling straight towards the plateau.
Lorvin is amazed, "I'd have to see it again to see precisely how he did that."
Feleti joins the inspection, "Two timbers tied together with one end tied down at the base of this tree and the rope tied precisely at the right spot, with just the right firmness of slip-knot to guide the timber out, but not allowing the rope to break and not allowing the timbers to fall too hard onto the plateau. Seems easy, but I still could not do it and don't know how they did it."
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Lorvin realizes the island people have engineering skills and athletic abilities that far exceed what anyone might expect. They are out of his league, yet Lorvin feels compelled to say something, "Two timbers tied together, so it doesn't roll, creating a sturdy little bridge ...simply amazing!"
Shannon doesn't say anything, though she too is amazed. She had seen people do some amazing things in gymnastics, and she had seen the expertise of tree trimmers back home in Michigan. But these natives, usually considered uncivilized, had obviously trained themselves in these skills.
Tevita walks confidently across the timbers, crossing back over the canyon. He retrieves the rope, walks about three-quarters of the way back out, ties the rope securely around the timbers, then returns to the tree. Tevita climbs the tree, joining Siaosi. Together, the two of them pull the rope back, retrieving the timbers to their original position against the tree.
Shannon has Malu ask them why the others remain on the plateau?
Malu reports, "Because 'guardians of mountain' ....take care of 'Man in mountain'."
Shannon shares her idea with Feleti, Lorvin, Moriah, and Hola, "I was going to teach on this side, under the shade of the tree, but now I want to have the teaching over there on the plateau. Shouldn't they hear the salvation message too?"
They all agree. But will the natives agree?
Shannon asks Malu to ask, "Am I the Chief of the guardians also?"
Malu translates back, "Yes."
Shannon smiles at Malu, "Well, tell them I want to teach them on that plateau over there. But tell them I want to cross on a bridge which is strong enough and wide enough for my horse to cross on. Ask them how long it will take to build such a bridge."
Malu shares Shannon's request with Siaosi and Tevita.
Siaosi smiles, saying something to Tevita. They each raise their right hands …then they high-five each other.
Malu asks, then reports back, "Three days to build bridge. But for Chief Shannon ---two days. And bridge be strong as ten horses."
**********
The bridge is done in two days, but Shannon waits until early on the third to lead the caravan of people, with more food, up the mountain.
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Shannon dismounts her horse as they reach the point. She sends the sedan chair with the teaching materials over first. Then as soon as the sedan chair crosses the new bridge, safely over to the plateau, she leads her horse over. The others then follow.
Hola leads the teaching. Feleti keeps his word, stating that Hola had come to the island to teach and teach he shall.
Feleti's only caution for them is to not mention the name of Jesus until the end, when they are fully prepared to accept it.
Hola uses Shannon and Moriah to assist him with the materials and the presentation. Malu still has the crucial part of translating, so they can understand.
Hola begins teaching about Adam and Eve. He describes the garden, sort of like an island on land. They are the only two in that garden. And God gives them everything they need …but they want what God says isn't theirs to have.
Hola teaches the New Tribes Mission approach, with their guidelines of teaching the Bible in chronological order. And each time, Hola's words are translated by Malu.
They listen with much interest as Abraham and Isaac go up the mountain. And they are thankful for the provision of the ram in the thicket. They also feel Esau is not deserving of the blessing that Jacob receives. And they agree that Jacob's sons do not know how to get along. They feel sorry for Joseph when his brothers sell him into slavery. And they feel sorry for Jacob when he is told that his son is dead. They really like Joseph's character. They think it is really good how Joseph forgives his brothers.
The most significant impact though, begins with the teaching of Moses. Hola can tell the tension written across their faces ---the unconfessed guilt they have inside.
Hola continues to teach how Pharaoh gives the order to kill the babies, but Moses is saved in a basket at the river. Hola had consulted with his brother, Feleti, about his strategy. The natives had already admitted that their hopes to become Chief ---had led them to take the long route up the mountain. Hola plans to show how God chooses who He wants, and puts them in place to become the leader.
Hola sees the concern build. He sees the fear move across their faces as he tells of God's plan …how God sent His own Son.
One of the natives, named Fangatua, seems to have a deep internal struggle going on, as Malu translates, "Why God want send His Son?"
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Hola continues the question, "Yes. Why would God's Son, having all the comforts of being God, give up being with His Father? Why would God's Son sacrifice all that comfort to come to earth to live within the burden of all that sin ---the sin that each of us who lives here, would put upon Him?"
Hola listens to the intensified whispering among the natives. He believes this is good. Hola continues his point, "The leader at this time is Herod. When he hears that a baby is born and this baby is to become a leader of the people, Herod wants to kill the baby. Herod is not living the way he should be, and he is enjoying life in a way he should not be. So Herod does not want a new leader to be born to lead them in a different way ---in the correct way. Herod knows he is guilty the way he lives, but he doesn't want any new leader to show the people how wrong he is."
Hola has so many things he wants to say, but he tries to stick to the outline which the teaching team had prior agreed upon, "Herod didn't know which baby was to be the new leader, so he has all the babies killed."
At this, Fangatua speaks out.
Malu translates, "That really stupid! Why he think he get away with killing God's Son? God be very angry ...no?"
Hola had waited for this emotion, "Herod was not able to kill God's Son at this time. But it still made God angry. God's purpose is for all life to continue for ---forever. God doesn't like killing."
Feleti nods. It is time to tell them.
Hola continues, "God is not to be looked upon as always being angry. He is a loving God who wants us to live a good life. He gets angry when someone tries to take that away. God's anger is towards people like Herod who try to kill anyone who brings the truth. God's anger is also towards all the people who try to stop the hearing of the message of His truth. Each of those babies killed when God's Son was born, had they not been killed, could have later heard the message of truth. And each of them could have grown up to share it with others. God's anger is against anyone who tries to kill the truth."
Hola is going to tell them right now, but somehow he just can't bring himself to do it. He wants them to really want to hear the truth. He wants them to love this person ---the way he loves this person.
He describes a little more about this person ---this Son of God, "I told you that God's Son did not die when all those other babies died. God's Son became a boy. When he was a boy, he sat just like you are sitting. He listened and he obeyed. Then he became a man ---and he told the people the truth on how to live. Some listened and some didn't. Some listened and believed. They found their sadness, turned to joy. But some who listened didn't believe. They got angry."
Fangatua is joined by others, expressing much emotion.
Malu translates, "Why get angry?"
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Hola explains, "They didn't want to hear of God's Son healing the sick and causing the blind to see. They didn't really see it as a benefit to them. All they could see is that they'd have to change the way they lived. And they didn't want to change. They didn't want to hear of the joy others had ---the joy of having more than their health, but also joy in their hearts. They didn't look to what others were gaining, but to what they'd lose. They looked to get rid of God's Son ---the only way they could see to keep what they had."
Hola raises his voice to emphasize the point, "They thought if they killed God's Son ---any memory of him could be hidden and forgotten. So that's what they did. They killed God's Son. They killed the One who God sent to show them the way to live. They tried to kill the truth of this One ---God's very Son. And they tried to kill many who had received the truth ---those who stood as a light to the truth ---to give life in a dead world. But God's Son is the Way, the Truth, and the Life."
A young man named, Mouk, speaks up with great concern. His words are translated back with equal emotion, "But not able to kill the truth. You bringing us truth today."
Hola feels the time is now right, "You are right. They couldn't kill the memory of Him. The truth could not be hidden. But they felt they could make the truth as if it were a lie. And they are still attempting to do that today. They would tell you that if you ever hear this ---that it is a lie."
Mouk seems to hold a burden he desperately wants to release. Others join him and repeat in agreement. Malu tells of their conviction, "But when hear lies about God's Son, we not believe lies."
For the first time, Hola drops his head, looking away from them. Then he looks right at Mouk. Hola appears to look right through him, "You already have believed their lies about God's Son. The truth is that God's Son was given the name Jesus. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life."
The group becomes very silent. Hola knows that the people have been told not to listen to anyone who mentions the Name of Jesus.
Mouk approaches Malu, Feleti, and Hola. He looks into Hola's eyes, then begins to pace back and forth in front of them, mumbling to himself. He then looks over at Moriah and Shannon.
Suddenly, Mouk blurts out, translated by Malu with intense emotion, "Told of how all had hopes of becoming new Chief, but that not all. Our wrong thoughts grew. We welcomed sickness of Chief, we welcomed his death. But that not all. Also welcomed death of ones appointed as guardians over us, own chosen ones ---because we then go to women's island ---where all burials take place."
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Hola listens intently. Malu had shared with them of the belief that when the dead were buried, the woman ---chosen through her victory in the contest ---would spend her days near the gravesite, gaining a new life inside her, generated from out of the grave.
This whole discourse, like every other communication, has to be spoken in fragments, being repeated back from the island language to the language that the teachers can understand. Hola congratulates Malu, "It's amazing how much you've improved on your language. I didn't know how well this would work, but you are doing quite well."
The excitement builds as Mouk talks faster and the translator, Malu, also speaks faster, "That not all. One more thing …some of us, found plant, causing severe stomach pain, gave leaves of bad plant to woman ---so she lose child."
How horrible! The question "why" is on the mind of each of the teachers. They are not quick to recall the island traditions.
The answer refreshes their memory, "That way we stay longer on women's island. Had to stay 'til child born."
Tears gather in Mouk's eyes. It is difficult for him to speak. Tears also gather in Malu's eyes, as he translates, "Mouk say he no better than Herod. He help kill babies. And same babies, if lived, been here today, hearing truth."
Upon hearing the very emotional confessions, Lorvin, Moriah, Shannon, Feleti, Malu ---and even Hola, characteristically very reserved, begin to shed tears ---joining Mouk's freeing moment from the bonds of sin.
The extent of the tribe's sin had been far from being realized. Sin has the tendency to heap upon itself ---which is the nature of unchecked sin. So instead of what we would think would be the natural inclination to confess it, actually does not lend itself towards that direction at all. Sin that is unconfessed, not only grows outwardly, but also tightens its grip within us ---on every little sin that enjoins its authority upon us. But confession changes the authority ---freeing us, with a quickness, from the tight grip which we could not free ourselves from. The young man, Mouk, couldn't have realized this, but he experienced it. It came out all at once.
God had touched Mouk's heart because of his willingness to listen. At this moment, the confessions flow out of him. And it touches the hearts of others ---and they confess also.
For Lorvin, Moriah, and Shannon ---it means something more. If tears were to fill an ocean, between these islands and the continent they are accustom to calling 'home' …tears enough cannot be shed.
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Here on the islands, these natives had just acknowledged losing an unborn child ---no different than losing a child. To them it was unquestionably a child. There is no hiding the truth. They were there when the woman hemorrhaged ---pretending to comfort her, when in reality, they had caused it.
They had seen the graphic details. Nothing hid the fact that it was a real child. The only fact that was hidden, was what caused the horrible death of the child ---which the women cried for days over.
Mouk confesses that the cause was that same spirit that caused Herod to put all those babies to death. It was the horrible sin of selfishness, not willing to change. It was the same horrible spirit that brought the people to crucifying Jesus on a cruel cross.
Lorvin and Moriah hug each other. This is what they had learned in their brief mission training. It was an experience, unmatched by any other on earth. Tears of joy and love for these people, mix with the tears of renewed and increased levels of appreciation and gratitude for what God did in sending His Son …what His Son did ---in dying on the cross.
As the natives continue to confess their horrible practices, the teachers do not let what they are hearing to generate any feelings of anger against a people who need to be judged for the horrible things they've done. It is the wonderful thing that Jesus did ---dying on the cross, sacrificing His life so we can have the truth ---so we can be forgiven, and so we can be free. As Jesus said on the cross, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do."
You can see their sincerity. It is quite certain they will stop their horrible practices. All they have to be told now is the truth of Jesus' death on the cross as a sacrifice for their sins. And by grasping onto that truth, holding onto the awesome love that grants us forgiveness through Jesus, they can be assured they are forgiven. And they can experience the joys of living the way God has set as a standard for us.
Hola shares these last truths with them, and they begin hugging each other, and then group hugs which bring them to dancing up and down in a circle. The circle grows into a huge group hug. They no longer fear that God will destroy them for what they've done. God forgives them. They now believe, and the torment is gone. The freeing of the burden of guilt and sin becomes so real, there is no experience that comes close to describing it.
Shannon, Moriah, and Lorvin share a big hug with each other. Why is this so difficult for their own country to grasp? The most advanced nation on earth, bursting with knowledge, yet not bursting with the joy of Jesus. So simple ---that the most advanced cannot grasp it?
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Something is still bothering Shannon. She can definitely grasp all the truth. She had cried in sorrow when the islanders had confessed about the unborn babies. She had cried intensely then. She had tears each time there was a vivid description of how Jesus died on the cross for us. But there are no tears now. She wants the tears to come ---she begins to cry because the tears won't come. Then more tears come through mere frustration. Like the others, Shannon's face is ridden with tears, but not the same kind of tears. The others have tears of joy for one another ---hers are tears of frustration, locked up within herself.
Shannon gets a glimmer of understanding. Maybe that's why she had judged Stan for not crying ---because of her own problem. Poor Stan had to endure a worse childhood than she had. He probably had the same kind of emotions locked inside. But that did not take away anything from Stan. The good feelings were still there ---coming out in the most wonderful way. He is gentle, sensitive, and caring ---he just doesn't cry. But his lack of tears never seems to affect his wonderful sensitivity. Stan will certainly make Leah happy ...and Shannon is happy for her sister.
Shannon feels her oversensitivity sometimes gets in the way, blocking her sensitivity. And she feels guilty because she is crying for herself, not in joy for the others.
She had been disappointed with her first trip out here to the mission field. Now, this second time she thought it would be different ---and it is. Just not the way she wants.
She had seen how God used her for His purpose. She was a vital part of God's plan ---becoming Chief, as the first step in leading the islanders. But that was all God's doing. She had done nothing herself. She still feels she is missing what the others have. She wants the joy. She wants the inner-driven purpose and focus ---and the intensity of it.
Shannon feels guilt again. She should be satisfied with just being used by God, but she wants to do 'her thing' ---maybe not so much even her thing, but ---her part. She definitely had a big part in all of this, at least at the start. But now she feels isolated from the rest …lacking in the joy of celebration.
That must have been how Hola had felt. It was wrong what Hola had done ---extremely wrong. The end does not justify the means. But even Hola realizes he is justified in another sense ---justified through Christ, his Lord, Jesus. And Hola has found the joy. Through this island adventure, he has found the joy Shannon is still looking to experience.
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Shannon has held back her emotions her whole life. She doesn't really trust her emotions. What would it take? She trusts God ---so why not just act on what she knows is right ---and let the emotions fall into place afterwards?
Shannon pictures in her mind ---the job of a firefighter. They put all fear aside, and just act like they know they have to. And when they save a life, no one questions on whether they are crying or not. Most of the time we don't know the person who performs the heroics. And the one who is saved seldom knows the person who saves them ---but they are grateful. The firefighters seldom sit at the person's table to eat, nor are they invited over for holidays ---but instead, they go back out to risk their lives in saving others. And it is doubtful that they sit around talking about the lives they save, any more than they'd talk about the lives lost. They just do their job. It's too scary, too painful, and much too unproductive to sit around and dwell on it. When their moment comes, they know it's their moment. And they respond, without hesitation …risking their lives.
Shannon doubts it will ever become her moment. And even now, just thinking about it ---it appears prideful ---wanting to be a hero. No true firefighter would hope for there to be a fire, so they could perform heroics. They'd rather there never be any fires. They'd prefer there be no lives to save. But as Shannon sees it, everyone needs to be saved ---saved from eternal death. And we need to accept Jesus' ready and awaiting rescue.
There is nothing in life of more significance. But as the islanders jump up and down for joy, Shannon still feels it is not her joy. She wants to tell herself differently, but she has to be honest with herself ---she doesn't feel like she is a part of all this.
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XXXI
The islanders are so busy with their eyes upon Jesus, they don't keep a vigilant watch out to sea. But it doesn't matter. They can see a new direction. And they are eager to visit the women's island ---to share the truth with them.
Shannon rides ahead on her horse as they parade down the mountain trail in joyful dance. As the path breaks to the open beach, a surprise awaits them. Murray and Sweeney have returned. With their celebratory festivities, they hadn't even seen them coming.
The bigger surprise awaits Moriah. Mom is eager to give her a big hug. But she is not the only one eager to see her. Lorvin's two sisters and his brother join the happy hugging party.
As they all hug and begin to tell their stories, Shannon focuses on that which comes more natural to her ---that which carries burdens and sorrow. She approaches Sweeney, "How is the old Chief doing?"
Shannon had witnessed how God had worked salvation to this island people ---through the passing on of the chieftain status. But Shannon is not primarily concerned with the status. Her concern is more for the person ---and her prayer is that he has not passed on.
Sweeney doesn't know what is going on, but he can at least sense that something more is going on with Shannon, "The old Chief was not doing well when I left him. The mission hospital is a good hospital, but they can not do miracles ...they can only pray for one. Old Chief has the island sickness, as some call it. They are not sure what brings it on, but only one in a hundred make it through."
Malu passes the message on. Many of the islanders had thought they'd witnessed their old Chief die. But they are happy to hear he hasn't died, and that he has a chance to live. The islanders ask Malu to help them pray for their old Chief.
Shannon and the others are very touched by the immediate concern of the islanders. They join hands with the islanders, and lead them in their first prayer.
Later that evening, Shannon inquires more about the island sickness, "Is it contagious?"
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Lorvin is very familiar with the sickness, "Very much so. The islanders call it, white man's sickness. The islanders never get it. But it has wiped out more than a few of our missions. They used to call it missionary dysentery because of the initial symptoms, but they've found this variation to be tragically different …though many still refer to it as missionary dysentery."
The next morning, plans are being made for the missionary group to depart. Shannon is grooming her horse when one of the islanders, Uata, approaches with a crudely built wooden box.
Malu steps between Uata and Shannon. From the tone of each of their voices and the expressions on their faces, you can tell this is serious talk.
Malu had been told that Uata was the oldest of their tribe. He also was the most resistant to change. Not all the islanders readily accepted the salvation message. There is a small group, led by Uata, who had heard the message, but are hesitant to accept it. Uata likes the old traditions. He is an old warrior. And he is known to fight for what he believes in.
There is quite an intense exchange of words, then Malu steps aside.
Uata steps forward, and hands Shannon the wooden box.
Malu explains, "Uata say this Old Chief's box. Box supposed to pass on new Chief, but Uata say he know you not believe in sacred box. Uata say you give box to Old Chief ---maybe it help him feel better. Maybe box help heal him, and he can become Chief again."
Shannon needs encouragement at this time, not this. She not only feels she isn't a part of the joy that most of the islanders are feeling, now she is associated with this recently revealed division of thought. They are looking for answers, but she can't just jump right in and provide what they were looking for. She has too many questions herself. She can't rise to this occasion either. It definitely is not her moment!
Shannon turns to Hola, who is standing nearby, "Why are some of the people still burdened? What did we fail to teach them?"
Hola puts a comforting hand on Shannon's shoulder as he stands beside her, "Uata is the keeper of sacred things. The box he has just given you contains some things, Malu has told me, that are very much the foundation of what they believe. They want to believe all we have taught them, but they are not ready to walk away from all the things they have believed in. Abandoning all their old beliefs, to some of them, would be equivalent to denying their own sanity."
Shannon is confused, "What do you mean, denying their own sanity?"
Hola points to Uata, kneeling on the ground, facing away from them. It appears to Shannon that Uata is praying. Hola steps in front of Shannon, "I've been wanting to look inside this box."
Shannon steps back, "Now that would be insane! If they believe so strongly that this is a sacred box, why would I chance letting you open it?"
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Shannon has many questions, "I still don't understand how abandoning their old beliefs would be challenging their sanity. What we've taught them should lighten their burden …while keeping the old beliefs must be a daily struggle. You heard their confessions. They knew they were doing wrong. If I tried to live in denial ---that would challenge my sanity."
Hola steps back, assuring Shannon that he won't touch the box, "Now, answer me this ---would a sane person believe there is a 'Man in the mountain'?"
Shannon attempts to choose her words carefully, "I get what you are saying. There are many beliefs that people have that they don't know are wrong. Like the 'Man in the mountain'. Sometimes it takes a while to replace the old beliefs with the new. But I like the way you handled the teaching. Once you began teaching the truth about God, the 'Man in the mountain' never made an appearance. I would say that made a rather convincing statement in itself."
Hola appears to summarize the thinking, "So, you do know why the 'Man in the mountain' appeared to take a leave of absence?"
Shannon also summarizes, "The old beliefs were replaced by the truth, and the truth is …there is no 'Man in the mountain'."
Hola looks over at Uata, who is still kneeling on the sand, "Perhaps some believe that the 'Man in the mountain' was sick. You know, the entire time I was teaching, we never fed him."
Shannon is confused, "Is that what they told you?"
Hola looks into Shannon's eyes, "Malu tells me that Uata has shown him."
Shannon is surprised with what Hola is saying. She thought Malu believed the same as they did. "Uata has shown Malu what?"
Hola is serious, "Malu has seen pictures of the 'Man in the mountain'. Uata told Malu that the 'Man in the mountain' had tried to escape, but the Old Chief caught him, and had him sent back to the mountain."
Shannon suddenly realizes, "Oh, pictures ---you mean, things like rock carvings and drawings?"
Hola is very direct, "No, I mean ---photographs! Inside the sacred box. Malu said he saw photographs of the 'Man in the mountain'. Now I know there is no man-God living in the mountain, but I'm saying that it seems there is a man up there that they believe is a friend of God. He had apparently tried to escape, but the Old Chief returned him so God wouldn't get angry. They say that ever since they had returned God's friend, the mountain has not shook ---until just before we came to the island."
447
A horrible thought comes to mind. Shannon had heard of how certain tribes had treated missionaries who had tried to bring them the Gospel of Jesus. Some tribes had gone so far as sacrificing missionary persons in a volcano. She has a bad feeling about this. Perhaps a missionary person had come to the island. Perhaps he had referred to himself as a 'friend of God'.
Shannon doesn't want to consider this horrible thought any further, but the thought feeds itself. What if they sent the missionary to the mountain, waiting for the mountain to take him?
The mountain had shown some recent instability. That was perhaps in Shannon's favor, choosing the mountain plateau as the location to teach, showing no fear. But fear grips her now. What if there is a fellow missionary up in that mountain?
Could their teaching have been responsible for the man's death? He could have been injured and in need of care, but they had felt no need to concern themselves with false beliefs about a 'Man in the mountain'. They had stopped feeding him. And this was all under the direction of Shannon. After all, she was the new Chief.
Suddenly, Shannon wants to open the sacred box too. But Uata had asked her to give it to the Old Chief. She doesn't want to offend him. She holds the sacred box in her hands. Uata is still kneeling on the sand, facing away from her.
Slowly and cautiously, Shannon approaches Uata. She doesn't want to disturb him if he's praying.
Hola and Malu are at Shannon's side as she moves slowly around in front of Uata. Shannon is surprised to see that Uata is not praying. He has a deck of playing cards spread out on the sand in front of him.
Shannon doesn't say anything ---perhaps this is a strange sort of ritual, and she doesn't want to disturb him. The old tattered playing cards could be further evidence that a missionary had come to the island. But even that would seem odd. Why would the missionary even have a deck of cards? You'd think they'd have plenty to do. You'd think they wouldn't be so bored that they'd resort to playing ---Solitaire? Uata is playing Solitaire!
Suddenly, the earth shakes! It startles Shannon. And she drops the sacred box on the ground, right in front of Uata. She doesn't want to offend Uata's sacred traditions. But she has just dropped the sacred box. What should she do?
Shannon does the only thing she can think to do. She kneels down on the sand beside Uata, frantically picking up all the contents, returning them to that claimed sacred box.
Suddenly, Shannon sees the photograph! And suddenly, she now realizes it's her time to act.
448
It is her moment! As a firefighter springs into action without a second thought, Shannon leaps upon Breeze. Within seconds, they reach full stride ---heading for the mountain trail.
Hola stands there for a second or two, looking at the contents of the box, strewn across the sand. Several old decks of playing cards, an old tattered zip-lock bag ---with photographs, and an old camera.
Hola grabs Malu by the arm, "I hope Shannon is not trying to be a hero ---like I wanted to be when I came to this island. We need to get the others, and go after Shannon. She may be in a heap of danger."
But Hola and Malu don't need to get the others. After the quake, Lorvin comments to some of the others, "It's a good thing we finished teaching when we did. With these earthquakes, that plateau would not be the place I would want to be."
But as soon as he says that, he sees Shannon leap upon her horse, and take to the mountain trail.
Lorvin calls out frantically to Shannon, but only his own echo returns.
The men ---starting with Lorvin, Christian, Murray, and Sweeney ---begin to chase after Shannon, on foot. Feleti, Hola, and Malu run quickly behind, soon passing them. They understand their common purpose. They will in no ways be able to catch the horse, but if Shannon does get injured, they will at least be able to arrive as eventual help.
The rest of the islanders join the pursuit as well ---creating a scene that looks much like a marathon event ---up the mountain trail.
Only the four women remain on the beach. They quickly find their common purpose. They kneel together on the sand ---and pray. Prayer can serve as immediate help. They don't understand the purpose of why Shannon took off so quickly, but they pray that God will protect her.
Hola has a hunch, but no one knows for sure why Shannon took off so spontaneously, and so irrationally.
Her horse doesn't understand either, but nevertheless Breeze responds to her urgency. Breeze only understands that Shannon wants him to go quickly ---and that is enough for Breeze.
Never before has Breeze gone more swiftly. Breeze doesn't even seem to be affected by the uphill climb. It is almost as if he were running on a race track.
Breeze reaches the bridge to the plateau just as the earth shakes again. Shannon sees that the bridge had shaken to the edge ---a couple inches more, and it will fall deep into the canyon. But Breeze is ridden with purpose, not fear of danger.
449
Without hesitation, they ride swiftly over the bridge to the plateau. Shannon dismounts Breeze at the far end of the plateau. She cries out her own prayer. She doesn't know what to do at this point. But she knows she needs God's guidance.
Suddenly, Shannon hears a noise behind her. At first it startles her, but as she turns, she realizes it's Breeze.
Breeze is rearing up on his hind legs, beating his hoofs to the hard rock. Shannon expects that maybe there is a snake or other animal, hopefully not a Komodo dragon.
Shannon offers a calming hand. Breeze stops rearing and settles down. She doesn't see any snake ---or any reason why Breeze was acting that way. Maybe he could feel another earth tremor. Maybe it's best they both get out of here before the bridge slides into the canyon.
Breeze gently puts his nose forward. Then she sees it! There it is!
At the end of Breeze's extended nose, at Shannon's eye level, is a small tunnel. The space appears just big enough for Shannon to crawl through on her hands and knees. And she can see light at the end of the tunnel.
She doesn't know what is on the other end of the tunnel. Maybe this tunnel hadn't even existed before. Maybe it had been created by the last succession of earthquakes. Passing through this tunnel may reveal an entirely different world …one filled with Komodos.
That reminds her. She reaches inside her saddle bag, and pulls out Cody Komodo. She had put that miniature stuffed animal there for a purpose. That purpose was more than just a cute little companion or a keepsake collectible. It was a reminder to think of Leah, and to pray for her. But now, Cody has a higher calling.
She places Cody at the base of the tunnel. Her hope is that the others are following, and that they'll find her horse, and then find Cody marking the passageway, in case she is entering danger. But partly she hopes they are not following her. It's too dangerous in this mountain with all these earth tremors.
Shannon lifts herself up to the passageway, and begins crawling on hands and knees. It isn't that far. She has gone this far, she has to go on ---fear cannot have its victory. If her suspicions are correct, she has to take this chance.
Shannon's tunnel vision becomes a kaleidoscope of light as the bright rays of sunlight splash against the smooth rock face upon reaching the end of the tunnel. As she regains focus, her eyes cast upon what she had hoped to find. Yet, she is not prepared to see it.
She gasps! And for a moment, she is as motionless as that which is now before her.
450
Her suspicions were that the islanders' superstitions were not wholly superstitions. She had so focused on the Holy truth of God that she'd wholly missed any truth in what the islanders were saying. She had discounted their insistence upon there being a mountain Being, the claimed 'Man in the mountain'.
But here he is ---and appearing to be in the same condition that the Old Chief had been in …near death.
Shannon hurries to his side ---scraggly old hair and matted beard, motionless on his stomach with his head to the side ---but still with a pulse, as she checks the carotid artery at his neck.
Too heavy to carry, and too unmanageable to get through that small passageway …she cries. She must desperately find a way.
It only takes a couple seconds before Shannon puts the next thought into action. She rolls him on his right side, then stretches out beside him on the ground with her back pressed against his chest. She lifts his left arm over her shoulder, then pulls it close to her. With all her effort, she then rolls onto her stomach, rolling him with her ---onto her back.
Shannon crawls on her belly with him on her back. Most of his weight is on the back of her legs, acting as a stretcher as she inches herself slowly forward on her elbows. It is not an easy task, but one she is more committed to than anything she has ever done before. Through much gasping and eating of dirt, she manages to crawl through the passageway with the precious life cargo, in spite of the dead weight resistance.
As she reaches the end of the tunnel, she is happy to see Breeze still standing there. She crawls from beneath the dead weight, quickly checks the pulse again, then lowers herself out of the tunnel opening.
She gives Breeze a big hug, then quickly moves him closer to the slight overhang of the rock. She steps up in one of the stirrups and reaches across Breeze to grab the hand with the …ring on it.
A ring represents a circle of continuing love, eternal commitment, of hope ---a hope that can potentially manifest itself in a myriad of ways. This hope drives a surge of energy through Shannon's veins, providing the power to do what she would otherwise conceive as impossible.
But nothing is impossible with God. Shannon pulls him out over the edge and across Breeze's back. He has an old leather belt, hopefully still strong, which she hooks over the saddle horn to secure him. Her many thoughts must now focus on one ...before the mounting problems become surmounting ---they have to get out of here!
451
Breeze seems to know his mission. Without need of Shannon's direction, Breeze lengthens his magnificent strides towards the other end of the plateau. For all the reasons why Shannon favors an Arabian stallion, this one moment alone defines it. This is the most awesome horse she has ever seen ---or read about.
Breeze's powerful hoofs pound the rocky plateau, commanding submission under foot. As they near the bridge, the earth submits to another tremendous quake, a relentless bid for destruction.
Breeze falters slightly as force challenges force, powerful hoofs striking timbers that vibrate those couple inches that will no longer serve definition of 'bridge'. But God's design for this magnificent creature provides the powerful shift from hind legs to front ---and as his front hoofs strike the solid ground on the other side, the bridge is no longer, timbers plunging into the deep canyon.
Breeze barely touches solid ground when it proves no longer such. His muscular frame strains every fiber to power into a second tremendous leap, having barely completed the first. The cliff edge and tree become part of the divided earth, falling into the canyon …but Breeze defies all, somehow miraculously soaring toward the new cliff's edge, landing safely once again. Safety or not, he does not relent ---each stride bringing them further from the danger zone and down the mountain.
When Mom was young, she told of her dream of flying ---not on a plane or any man-made apparatus ---but actually flying. As a Christian girl, her dreams formed mostly through a Biblical perspective. Mom dreamt of angels, of whether they had wings, and how they could travel from place to place. She dreamt of chariots of fire ….and she dreamt of just being taken up into the air. As she got older, she admitted to giving up the dream of actually flying. She accepted what God had created her to be ---and tried to be quite happy and content with who she was.
Shannon, on the other hand, dreamt of horses. Her lifetime of fascination with horses never departed from her. Early on, she'd gallop around the house on all fours, playing horse. Those dreams carried into movies of White Mane, the Black Stallion, National Velvet, and Black Beauty. To ride a horse like that, it almost seemed like you were flying.
Shannon collected those pictures and others, taping them to her bedroom wall …wall-to-wall horse pictures. There were some really beautiful horses, but never did any come close to this one.
She could not even dream this spectacular …this is the closest she can imagine to flying.
452
A good three-quarter mile down the mountain, Breeze slows a bit. Tevita comes into view ---followed soon by Malu, Feleti, then Hola, and the others. They all begin jumping up and down in celebration. As they continue down the mountain, Lorvin, Christian, Murray, and Sweeney come into view ---not accustom to mountain running. They approach the celebration surrounding the horse. Shannon can be seen above the dancing, upon her horse.
Lorvin catches his breath, "Thank God, you're safe! Now tell me what this is all about."
Just then, they see the body stretched across the saddle. Shannon is not prepared to explain, quite yet. In part, it explains itself ….the 'Man in the mountain' is real. Tears streak her face. They do not understand the fullest extent of all this.
When they emerge from the bush, reaching the beach area, the women rush forward ---Aleah, Moriah, Onithe, and Astuti. They all rejoice, their prayers having been answered.
Aleah is the first to take notice of the condition of the man stretched out across the saddle. She has a couple of the men help lower him gently off the horse and to the ground. And she confirms that she thinks this man has the same thing as Old Chief ---what they call the serious version of missionary dysentery.
Shannon kneels down beside him. She gasps! Lowering her head to his chest, she drenches him in her tears. The 'Man in the mountain', now the 'Man on the beach', is ---but, how can it be?
"Oh, thank you, God!" Her silent prayer continues, "Please let him live! I don't believe you'd let me find him, except you'd have him live!"
Shannon tries to communicate, yet it is difficult through her sobs and tears. Malu understands hurt and anguish, and the private moments of it. He asks the islanders to provide some space here.
Lorvin, Moriah, Onithe, and Astuti take Shannon to the side to talk to her. Aleah doesn't leave the man's side ---the nurse in her doesn't allow her departure. She can hear what Shannon has to share later.
Shannon brings an intense amount of emotion to the side conversation. Lorvin suddenly has his own concerns. He doesn't need a translator, yet he doesn't quite know how to express it. He is quite certain he heard Shannon correctly ---he just fears what he'd heard. It possibly means that Shannon is coming down with it too …the delirium very possibly setting in.
Lorvin agrees this should be dealt with privately. He returns to Aleah's side, his intense expression now showing his desperation, "I think Shannon might be coming down with it too. We need to get back to the Mission hospital as soon as possible. But I think it wise not to tell the islanders. They should focus on what they've learned about Jesus, and think how they are going to tell the women's island. Let's keep to our affairs and let them keep to theirs."
453
Aleah looks with desperate eyes, "With a statement like that, you'd soon convince me that you're coming down with it too. Openness is what we've encouraged, and they've come a long way in confessing great things. You can't mean to close them out now. We can't deny them the opportunity to pray with us."
Lorvin sees the truth in what his wife is saying, "Okay, I'll ask them to join me in prayer, but let's hurry. Have Murray and Sweeney help you with the mountain man ---and have Onithe and Astuti help Shannon to the ship. I'll tell the islanders goodbye for everyone."
Shannon is back beside the mountain man's side. Breeze stays faithfully beside her.
Uata rushes forward. He has the sacred box with him. Shannon looks up. Uata extends a hand, offering the box to her. She hesitates to take the box. She looks into Uata's eyes. His eyes appear different. He smiles ---his grin filled with old rotting teeth, yet he smiles. His eyes are soft and gentle eyes.
Shannon takes the box. Uata nods and smiles. She slowly lifts the lid of the box, as Malu translates, "Uata say he still believe in sacred box, but box itself not sacred, it what inside box that make sacred box."
As Shannon opens the lid, she finds the contents of the box to be missing, except for one item. Uata smiles, showing even more of those rotting teeth, as he speaks. Malu translates, "Uata say you not be new Chief. Jesus is chief among us."
Shannon lifts the Bible out of the box. Malu adds, "Uata ask that you tell Old Chief and 'Man in the mountain' about Jesus too."
Shannon reaches back and grabs the reins of her horse, moved by her own feelings of passion. She hands the reins to Uata, "Here, you were keeper of the box. Now you be keeper of the horse."
Malu translates, and Uata accepts. Shannon smiles as Uata's eyes dance with appreciation. Uata hands Shannon a zip-lock bag. It's the old contents of the sacred box.
Feleti, Hola, and Malu agree to stay on the men's island to travel to the women's island with the new Christians. Feleti agrees to let Hola teach the women, with Malu's assistance.
Lorvin asks all of them for prayer as he departs. The last of the group to leave the island, Lorvin gives last minute instructions. Then he quickly joins the others, preparing to sail to the Mission island.
454
********************
Once all secure on board, Lorvin again voices his concern about Shannon to his wife. Lorvin is concerned that her delirium may be intensifying. She remains at the mountain man's side, sobbing and babbling, "M-o-m, M-o-m ---I found him!"
Tears gather in Lorvin's eyes. He has been of little comfort to Shannon. She is coming down with this missionary dysentery. And she is slipping into delirium, crying out like a child for her 'Mommy'.
Murray and Sweeney also begin to cry as they approach. Their grandpa, Scully, had taught their dad not to cry. And in turn, Murray and Sweeney never experienced tears ---but they are crying now.
Though they had missed the missionary teaching, Murray and Sweeney had somehow caught enough here and there to gain some knowledge. Sweeney asks, "What is sin? I know of certain things called sin ---and I have plenty of that ---but I'm bothered by alot of other stuff too."
Lorvin realizes something at this moment. They were so busy focusing on the islanders need to know Jesus, they had missed the ones right there among them. Lorvin sees his wife consoling Shannon. She is doing such a good job. Maybe Lorvin can help someone too.
Lorvin wonders why it somehow seems more difficult when there is no language barrier. He doesn't know where to begin, "That's called guilt. We're all guilty of something. But guilt isn't supposed to be such a bad thing. It's supposed to point you in the right direction, not bog you down with misery. If you feel miserable though, that's okay too. It probably means you didn't take the right direction. It's like this boat ---we're desperate to get to the Mission hospital, but if we ended up going in the wrong direction we'd be miserable."
Moriah stands by her dad's side, an arm around him, also extending her heart's leading, "Sin is separation from God. God expects us to love our neighbors as ourselves. But we can do this and still be separated from God. We can treat our neighbors better than anyone else in the world ---we can be great company, but misery loves company. At least that's what some say. I say we must follow the other commandment which goes with that ---the one mentioned first. We must love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. And that means we must not only attempt to do what He says ---we must also desire to follow His ways."
455
Lorvin recognizes that look on Moriah's face. And he looks at Murray and Sweeney. His daughter is having more success in getting through to them. He will not add anything. He will just listen.
Moriah continues, "When you were younger, do you ever recall your Dad asking you to do something and you simply did not do it? Or you were asked not to do something ---and you did it anyway? You may have even thought what you did wasn't wrong at all ---but it was wrong, simply because you were asked not to do it. Maybe you didn't understand why, but that doesn't matter. Your parents may have seen something that you didn't see. Maybe they wanted to protect you ---even if they had a strange way of showing they cared."
Moriah's explanation intensifies itself, "Maybe they even dictated to you in an unforgiving fashion. But if you disobeyed them, you were also separating yourself from what God would want you to do."
Sweeney asks, "What if it wasn't our parents who mostly raised us ...what if it was a grandparent?
Moriah hesitates, "Well, I guess it's difficult to give advice when circumstances create a different context. But, ...though there are circumstances where I guess you'd be in the right not to obey, generally, whoever is your caregiver should have your best interests at heart. And you should do your best to respect them."
Murray speaks up this time, "So, you are still saying, that one act of disobedience can cause ...someone a lifetime of pain."
A tear travels down Sweeney's worn face, "And a lifetime of guilt."
Moriah's call is for simplicity, "Don't carry the guilt. All anyone has to do is come clean …confess it."
Sweeney turns, stepping towards Shannon while breaking down in tears, "I am so sorry, Shannon."
Lorvin is confused. Is he witnessing the beauty of someone recognizing their sinful nature ---about to confess and show the desire to follow God ---or is it just shared delirium?
Shannon does not hear him, but Lorvin wonders what Sweeney is saying sorry about ...is it that he is sorry she gave up her beautiful horse?"
Sweeney will not be denied his freeing moment. He turns back towards Moriah and confesses, "Scully, I mean, Grandpa, saw that his Estie was in trouble. Estie was the name of his boat. His uncle, Mac, had given him that boat. He really loved her …but she was on fire. Dad had just got a new motor boat, but Grandpa didn't know how reliable she was, so he took his old reliable. I wanted to help, so I jumps in dad's new motor boat. Murray here, reminds me that dad had clearly said we could not use his new boat. I told Murray that when people are in danger, there is no such word as can't. Again Murray reminds me that as far as dad is concerned, bravery is no excuse for disobedience."
Lorvin adds, "Well, I think Sweeney is right ...that when people are in danger, it is sometimes okay to bend the rules. But, you can always explain afterwards why you did ...and I'm sure you parents, or grandparents, would understand."
Murray also remembers that day clearly, "I told Sweeney that I would go with him ---if he promised not to tell."
Lorvin explains, "I don't think those kind of promises or agreements should be made."
Sweeney is excited, and intensifies his speech as he tells the story, "By the time we reached the Estie, it was all fire and smoke. And Grandpa was climbing on board to save his shipmate, Doyle."
456
Sweeney gets into it, as if he's experiencing it at this precise moment, "You must understand …we are real scared. At first we don't see Grandpa. He disappears into the smoke and flame. We are about to go after him ourselves, when we see him emerge out of the smoke, dragging Doyle to safety. We don't want him to see us, so we motor to the other side of Estie, and get ready to speed back before we get caught ---but then we see these two in the water, about to drown. So we save them in our boat, and take them back to where we're loading the craft …the aircraft."
Murray recalls, "We were loading the craft with supplies for the mission field ---for somewhere out here, in Indonesia. We didn't know if the one guy we saved was going to make it. He looked in bad shape, but we knew we'd be in bad shape too. We had the other guy promise not to tell what we did ...then we go to help Grandpa pull into the dock, and see how Doyle is. The two men just sort of disappeared …and that's about the extent of it."
Sweeney admits, "That was the extent of it …until Rebekkah started asking questions. But Murray and I didn't want to begin stirring things up. We didn't realize one of the ones we saved was Shannon's dad ...and we had made another of those problematic promises. Honestly, we had no idea where they had gone after that ...and we figured we would just leave well enough alone. But, I know now, ...that was not well at all. And I hope you forgive me for what I've done …I realize now that I was way wrong. You all had the right to know ...and I know what I did is unforgivable. I've had a difficult time through the years keeping that secret. And though i don't expect any forgiveness ...I am very sorry."
This is too wild! This is a sincere confession if Lorvin has ever heard one. But what are Murray and Sweeney saying?
*****************
Lorvin spends the next couple hours attempting to calm Shannon down. Spending time with Shannon, he begins to believe that she doesn't have the missionary dysentery ---and it is not delirium, but rather years of grief stored up, only to be released at this moment.
Lorvin doesn't want Shannon to set herself up like this. That they would have stowed away on that missionary plane was only conjecture. And that they would've arrived here was much wishful thinking. Nearly two decades ago is a long time ago, and this is an unlikely scenario. It's the type of story you'd want to believe, but not likely could.
457
Lorvin has seen this before. Some people were not fit for the mission field. He had seen many sincere well-meaning men and women fall into an emotional breakdown. Shannon had hastily decided to come to the mission field that first time. You could tell she wasn't ready. After her year was up, she had eagerly returned home, only to quickly return to the mission field.
Aleah also shakes her head. It doesn't even look like him. This is not her brother! Aleah knows what Lorvin is thinking. Shannon must be having an emotional breakdown, desperately pretending what she wants to believe ---what she feels will save her sanity.
But, the most difficult to believe is how that story that Murray and Sweeney had told ...how could that possibly connect with what Shannon was saying. It doesn't seem possible, but ...no, that's too crazy!!
Shannon takes the zip-lock bag out of her pocket, the one Uata had given her from the box. She takes out a photograph and shows it to Aleah. It is definitely ---Stephen!
Aleah begins to cry profusely.
Shannon had not only recognized the photograph to be her Dad ---she remembers that same shirt he'd worn to work on the day he'd disappeared ---the shirt that she had given him which everyone considered so ugly. And the second she had seen the photograph fall out of the claimed sacred box, she had connected the idea of the 'Man in the mountain'. That's when she had leaped on Breeze, and breezed up the mountain.
Lorvin can still not accept all this. He needs every thread of proof. He takes the ring off the mountain man's finger and inspects it. There is an inscription on the inside of the ring ---slightly worn, but still legible. There is no date and no initials. It merely reads: Eternal Friends.
Lorvin aims to check with Cindy about the inscription. But this still seems so wild! He can't drag Cindy into an emotional breakdown too.
Shannon suddenly penetrates her tears with a burst of joy, "The birthmarks!"
Shannon puts her right arm alongside the motionless body she believes to be her Dad. His arm is sun beaten and weathered, but the birthmarks are still visible. Yes, those beautiful birthmarks.
She bursts with joy, "See! They align perfectly with mine!"
Moriah joins the joyous revelation, "Yes, I remember that. It was your birthday, and you felt bad because of some remark Stan had made about your birthmarks."
Even Lorvin begins to believe at this point ---even as scientific and pragmatic as he is. He too is a man of faith, and he doesn't believe three people would have the same exact alignment of birthmarks like this. God had created that arrangement for Shannon and Dad alone.
458
XXXII
That isn't good enough for Rebekkah. When she had initially sent them to deliver the horse, and they reported back that they couldn't find Shannon, she did not tell Cindy. She did not want to worry her. But for Murray and Sweeney ---they were not to return until they found Shannon. Then Rebekkah was furious when they told her that they had found her, but had left her on the island while they returned to get supplies from the mission base.
Sweeney had told Rebekkah that Shannon was an adult, and they couldn't tell her what to do. Sweeney had added that if Shannon could be ordered around, then she wouldn't have gone to the mission field in the first place. She would have listened to all the others ---inclusive of Rebekkah's persuasion.
Rebekkah wasn't trying to find an avenue to blame someone. She was just frustrated. She had long struggles with the fine line between trying to control and trying to accept the fact that everything seemed out-of-control. She didn't quite have a healthy balance between what she could do, and what she should leave to prayer alone ---and the workings of God.
Sweeney had mixed feelings about sharing this latest piece of news. But Sweeney has resolved to attempt to do what is right ---from this point forward. He attempts to tell Rebekkah that Stephen is alive, but Rebekkah sounds angry ---as if she doesn't believe him. Yet Sweeney anticipates she will be more so …when she does believe him.
Rebekkah's emotions are all over the map ---literally. She can't stand the fact that they are on the opposite side of the world and everything is falling way short of her expectations. Yet, she doesn't know how to act when things exceed her expectations either. She gets Lorvin to verify the fact that Shannon has found her Dad. Then Rebekkah tells Sweeney that if he and Murray can bring Stephen and Shannon back home safely, she'll buy them both new ships ---the best that money can buy.
That's when Sweeney prepares himself for the response he will receive next, "Stephen is very sick. We can't guarantee he will make it to the mission hospital, let alone the long trip back home. Yet my hope is still strong that we can deliver. But there's one more thing."
Rebekkah doesn't like it when she hears that there is one more thing, "Okay, what's that?"
Sweeney hesitates, "Well, I can't accept your offer."
Rebekkah is confused about what part of her offer he is unwilling to accept, "What do you mean, you can't accept my offer?"
459
Sweeney releases all that pent-up emotion. After all these years, he now tells how he is responsible for allowing everyone to think Stephen was not alive.
Sweeney can tell the silence is not the result of a problem with the phone. Rebekkah isn't saying anything ---and that is usually worse than her saying something.
Rebekkah breaks the silence, "I could get angry with you for what you just told me, but maybe I can even surprise myself this time. God had you play a part in this. I don't know yet what that all involves, but I do know God has reasons and purposes. And the fact is, if God hadn't used you, then I'd be still facing the fact that Stephen is dead. As it is, he is alive, and I'd like to celebrate with you."
Sweeney is swallowing hard, but relieved, "Are you okay, Rebekkah? I'm thankful for your grateful perspective, but this doesn't sound like you."
Sweeney is right. Rebekkah is having a hard time restraining certain feelings. If he hadn't allowed everyone to believe that Stephen was dead, then perhaps her best friend, Stephen's mom, might still be alive today. Rebekkah needs real strength to stay on the course without sounding too coarse.
Rebekkah refers back to her only strength, "I was just reading out of the Book of Genesis last night. When I read how Joseph did not focus on the intent of his brothers, but rather upon understanding God's purpose, it really had an impact upon me. I haven't at all been living my life that way."
One person who would not only not see God's purpose, but seldom saw any purpose other than his own ---is Scottie. Sweeney and Murray's dad is a hard man. And most of their life, they found it preferable not to tell him the truth. If the truth did not align with his expectations, they had much reason to fear telling the truth.
But at this point, Sweeney finds it preferable to tell the truth. There is no way he can bring back to memory all those times he had not told the truth, but he can begin by confessing in general ---and at least specifically own up to this one.
Sweeney thinks back. His dad had never owned up to anything. He came closer to the concept of looking at children as ownership, instead of children of God. But still, Sweeney feels he has to try. He has to try talking to his dad.
Scottie provides more of the same of which he'd filled their childhood with, "It doesn't surprise me. Always making life difficult for your dad. But that wasn't good enough for you, was it? You had to mess with other people's lives too, didn't you?"
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Scottie's frame of mind had not changed. He is well into his regular routine, "Why are you telling me all this anyway? Like I always said, if you're going to tell a lie, don't ever admit to it. Let me talk to Murray ---you disappoint me too much."
Sweeney hands the phone to Murray, then walks off to be by himself. He had hoped dad would not affect him this way. But it doesn't matter how long it's been ---that gripping disappointment, expressed from dad to son, continues to rob him of the blessing he could now potentially realize.
*******
Sweeney needs to be alone to reflect on this one. It seems just like yesterday. He and Murray sit by the window, looking out. They're always looking out. No one seems to look out for them. They are grounded again. They are grounded a lot, he recalls.
Dad is angry. Mom is angry. Don't know who was angry first. Does it really matter? We become a part of dad and mom whether we like it or not. What will children gain from their parents? The positive, or the negative? Or the confusion?
A therapist blames upbringing …an uncomfortable insinuation for parents, or parents of parents. Parents blame children, an unbearable insinuation for children. Children don't have the right to blame anyone, unless they blame themselves. They're just the unwilling victims of it all. Many supposed well-meaning organizations blame society, though the organizations emerge out of society itself. And government molds itself around the society, so that it can exist without too much inner turmoil, not confronting that which it is not committed enough to attempt to change. It becomes the mutual benefit of the conglomeration of all our misdirection. 'Society' is defined as the voluntary association of individuals for common ends. Often that 'common end' is to blame. Whether it is the small family unit, or the larger government of nations, blame can be the focus …rather than seeking solutions.
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If children are not to follow the ways of society, then what direction is provided for them? Children usually create only very limited understanding of their existence. Their lives include family ---which they don't choose, and friends that they do choose. If the families choose to blame, then the children choose to escape. One of the most common modes of escape, is television. The other is friends. And the friends that they choose are often friends from similar families who have their own unique private sessions of blame. They share a common ground of inflicted blame. Together they often find comfort in viewing the other dysfunctional families portrayed on television. And together, their own negative experiences and those of television, help socialize them. Once their own personal inner pain is added, they are thrust into the angry path …to find their own way.
So society is made up of families we don't choose, and friends we feel we do choose, but not really. Friends become avenues of survival. And it provides an avenue for when we grow up and ---we can blame society too.
Somewhere along that misguided path, Mom had felt the need to see a therapist. Much time is spent talking about her childhood. It's safe because they aren't here …Mom's own parents aren't here. But her children are here. They are in the next room.
It is too risky to talk about the husband-wife relationship. Each can't blame the other because it might make matters worse. So the childhood has to remain the focus. And the anger factor has to be dealt with.
Murray and I have no choice. We have to go to the sessions with mom. But we have to occupy ourselves in the next room. Murray sees there's a large selection of games to play with. But I'm more concerned with the games that are being played next door.
I pick up a book and sit next to the wall. I find that I can hear most of what the therapist and Mom are saying. I recall one particular session. It is particularly bothersome:
Mom: "I hit the dog with the broom. It really upset Sweeney. He really loves that dog."
Therapist: "What do you think you can do to prevent yourself from hitting the dog with the broom?"
Mom: "I don't know."
Therapist: "Well, I can make a suggestion."
Mom: "What's that?"
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Therapist: "Make sure that when you get angry, don't pick anything up."
Mom: "That won't work. I kick the dog too."
Therapist: "Why do you think you take your anger out on the dog?"
Mom: "Probably because it's Scottie's dog."
Therapist: "Oh, a case of transference."
Mom: "But Sweeney is the one that really loves the dog."
Therapist: "That's good insight. We're making good progress here."
Mom: "Not really. That's why I came to you. Insight has not helped me improve my anger. When Sweeney was just a baby, the dog was just a pup. I couldn't stand the dog right from the start. I tried to just ignore the dog, but I'm expected to do everything around the house. I tried to leave the dog alone, but I had to take it to the vet. It was suffering from malnutrition. I realized that if I didn't take care of that dog, no one would. My husband wasn't taking care of it. It was his dog, but I have to take care of everything in the house."
Therapist: "I hear you making reference to your house, not your 'home'. You don't really consider it a home, do you?"
Mom: "No, I feel it's an area I'm assigned to. I have to take care of everything and keep everything clean. And all that dog hair makes me angry. I tried to not let it bother me. For three months I tried to stop caring about those things. For three months I didn't clean or vacuum."
Therapist: "And how did you feel during those three months?"
Mom: "The dog didn't bother me during that time."
Therapist: "So, you did arrive at a solution then. That tells me something."
Mom: "Yes, it told me something too. The dog didn't bother me because the house was so dirty, I couldn't find the dog. I couldn't find the children either."
463
So much for listening in on mom's therapy session. I look at the book I'm holding in my hand. It's by Dr. Seuss. More than any Doctor, or therapist could ever do, I have often turned to Dr. Seuss. I enjoy all his books. Dr. Seuss is certain to understand my plight.
Two children, way too young to be home alone, sit by a window. A window Dr. Seuss is about to open for us. Where is their mother? I see the similarity, yet at the same time, the difference. My mom is always there, at least in body.
These two books are my favorites. Even now, as an adult, I can recall the story. Yet, it may appear to have a slightly different slant ...as I am no longer looking at it through the eyes of a child.
It all begins with an intrusion. The two children stand in silent amazement. Only their fish speaks. Rather fishy, right? Not really. The fish is their conscience, telling them all the things their mom wouldn't approve of. But as the children continue to look on in amazement, the 'Cat in the Hat' somehow boldly states that the tricks he will show them ---their mom will not mind at all if he does them.
Then when the 'Cat' introduces 'Thing One' and 'Thing Two', the children shake hands. An agreement of sorts is made, with a certain degree of peace established about the whole thing.
Once again the 'conscience fish' says the 'Things' should not be there when their mother is not. But the children look on with simple amazement at the wrong things they are experiencing, until they see their mother returning home. Only then do they make a real effort to stop that irresponsible 'Cat'.
But still looking for an out from the mess, they allow the 'Cat' to take care of it. And they show joy at seeing that the problem is taken away. Then they return to the window to sit silently, as if nothing had happened.
All this encourages the 'Cat in the Hat' to come back, when their mother is away for the day, of course. And before they can speak for themselves, he invites himself in. This time they say the things that the 'fish conscience' would have said, but the Cat's answer is that they should try it sometime. The children take a stance and say 'No!', but each time a problem arises, they look to the 'Cat' to fix it.
Each time they holler at what the 'Cat' does wrong. Each time they witness the 'Cat' making things worse. But each time they allow him to fix his own mess he continues to make.
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The children say it's bad, but the 'Cat' insists they should try it. Each time they are told that it isn't so bad. The first mention of dad follows. The reference is to how unsatisfied he'd be. And to avoid disappointing dad, they ask if the problem can be solved ---you know it can!! Undermining, underhanded, under way under his hat, the 'ABC Cats' take the lead. And things get worse!
But the 'Cat in the Hat' can fix it ---with 'Cat Z'. He has something called 'Voom', that cleans up, fixes everything. We had let a little pink in. Then all we could see is pink. Soon we can not tell the difference between pink and red. We don't want to see red. We'd be just like the ones who brought this all on in the first place.
The 'Cat' is like society. Maybe I can blame the 'Cat in the Hat'. But not really. I can see it more clearly now. Our spiritual life is like that. Without anyone to help keep us accountable, it can be like the 'Cat in the Hat' story. It would be better that we never let the 'Cat' in the house in the first place. And the more you let the 'Cat' fix the very problems he creates, the worse it gets.
The 'Voom' took care of the mess, but you know what else it did? It all but guaranteed that the 'Cat' will be back. Do you know why? Because the 'Cat' was allowed to take care of the problem he had created.
Now, don't get me wrong. If someone causes a problem, it's often good to allow that someone to fix the problem they've caused. But not if they 'are' the problem. And the 'Cat' was the problem. He did things we know shouldn't be done. And he encouraged us to keep it from our parents.
Sweeney had thought he'd grown beyond these old feelings, but they are still able to drag him down, out of the best of moods. He refocuses. It is not this old hurt that he needs. He needs the new realization to lift him out of the doldrums. He will receive his blessing ---not from his dad, but from his Heavenly Father.
*************
Sweeney is not the only one who had not fully developed a good parent-child relationship. Shannon had also experienced difficulty in this area. And at this moment ---discouragement, doubt, and deception join forces to attempt to defeat and destroy her.
465
Shannon recalls Sweeney's tears of confession. She feels sorry for Sweeney ---the way he burdened himself with guilt all those years. She can certainly relate to that feeling. But the words that return to her now, are spoken through transferred emotions. Sweeney had said he respected the fact that she loved her dad ---something he felt he never really had.
Shannon cries. Dad had every reason to doubt her love. Though he struggled at times with Mom, the love he knew was there ...is what always kept him motivated. Family meant everything to him.
As Shannon's tears fall, she grips Dad's hand, and cries aloud, "Though you may not recall a time I've told you this ...I love you, Dad!"
Try as she may to resist it, the worst of regrets consumes her. The fact is, she can only recall her lack of showing Dad that she loved him. She kneels down at his side, "Oh, God ---please don't let him die!"
Murray is slow to approach Sweeney. Murray knows his brother is hurting. Sweeney catches a glimpse of Murray and speaks up first, "I don't know if I could ever have a good relationship with dad ---why do you think that is?"
Murray steps alongside his brother, "Maybe because you're like him in a lot of ways. But those are good ways. You are both the take-action type. And you both have a bold sort of confidence."
Sweeney wipes a tear away, "Do I look confident to you?"
Murray rests a hand on his brother's shoulder, "As soon as I got off the phone with dad, Lorvin asked that I talk with you. He wants us to stay on. That's the sort of confidence we're talking about ---confidence in the faith."
466
***********
As they get off the boat at mission headquarters, Sweeney assists transporting Shannon's Dad into the hospital. The Doctor requests only the nurses be present as he does a thorough checkup.
Shannon doesn't want to leave Dad's side, but she waits outside in the hallway.
Sweeney delays his departure, placing a hand on Shannon's shoulder, "My dad left us when I was fifteen. I tried to take care of mom and my brother after dad left. And I did a fairly good job of it too. I think he resents me for that. I envy the love you have for your dad."
There is no denying of tears for Shannon. She swallows hard, unable to respond.
Sweeney doesn't expect a response. He forges on, "My dad is still critical of me. That's what makes it tough. When I was eighteen, my dad went in for heart surgery. Even though he had abandoned us, we still loved him. After his surgery, I stayed by his side. When he came to, he tore into me. The Doctor said dad was still groggy from the anesthesia, but he'd return to normal within the hour. I did not tell the Doctor that this was normal behavior for dad."
Shannon continues to wipe her tears with the back of her hand. Sweeney puts one arm around her, and pats her on the shoulder, "Your dad is so blessed to have you here, ---you have what I have always dreamed of. You risked your life to save his. My dad always seemed to want to take mine away."
One of the nurses, Maggie, is assisting the Doctor, and overhears the conversation in the hallway. Sweeney kisses Shannon on the top of the head before he departs, "Take care of yourself, kid."
The Doctor leaves the room. Maggie comes to the door, "It's okay to come back in now, Shannon."
Maggie is very sensitive and understanding. She does a lot of listening. She is not in it for gossip purposes, but for insight into the hearts of others.
Maggie may listen a lot, but when it's time to speak, she speaks, "Sometimes when we feel a lot of hurt, we try to help others ---which is a good thing ---but sometimes the advice is better served in helping ourselves."
Maggie places her forefinger under Shannon's chin, gently lifting it, "Are you having a difficult time sorting it all out?"
Shannon looks back through teary eyes, "It's so ...it's …not what it seems. Dad never really ever acted distant from me ---he loved me. He showed it all the time. It was me who never showed it."
467
Maggie does what comes natural to her. She opens her arms. She does not speak at this time ---she just hugs Shannon. And when they are both tired of standing, she sits with her within the room.
Neither of them say anything for a long time, then Maggie prepares her for what lies ahead, "We are trying some new medicine in hopes to give some chance of survival. But the struggle may prove to be too much. Your Dad is in a coma-like state right now. No one has ever recovered from that advanced stage. This new medicine has hopes to change that. It is supposed to bring them out of that coma-like state …but it is not expected to be a peaceful deliverance. It will take the most extreme will to live. That almost insurmountable struggle that lies ahead …well, I don't know if anyone can overcome that. But if he does make it through, it is at that time you can put all your regrets behind. It is then that Dad will need you. It is then that you will need to be there for him."
Shannon looks into Maggie's eyes, "When do they begin the medication?"
Maggie encloses her hands around Shannon's, "Hopefully, tomorrow. We don't have it here. We had to send for it as soon as we heard you were coming. We expect the plane may be arriving back tomorrow."
Shannon can't imagine the struggle that is ahead, "Has anyone survived as a result of this new medication?"
Maggie wishes she can give Shannon more hope, but she must be honest, "No, we've only tried it with one other person."
Shannon doesn't wait to ask, "So, what happened?"
Maggie doesn't mean to dishearten her, "We don't know yet. That other person is the old Chief. Early yesterday morning we gave him the medication. We had to move him to another building because his screams were so intense, he was scaring the other patients. But sadly, we have to take these desperate measures. It is believed that our only chance is with the hope that these violent seizures that the medication causes, will force him out of the comatose condition."
Shannon has to ask, "Aren't any of the rest of you afraid you are going to get it? Isn't it highly contagious?"
Maggie smiles, "We just recently received a vaccination for it. You'll be getting your dose within the hour."
Suddenly, Maggie is paged. She hurries out of the room, kissing Shannon quickly on the forehead before departing.
468
Shannon is left alone to dwell on everything she'd just been told. She wonders whether Maggie was called to the other building where the Chief is. She tries to blot out the thought of the torturous event he must be going through. She will be witnessing it herself, soon enough, with her Dad. Dad will be getting the medication. She can't deal with those thoughts right now though …so instead she resorts to prayer.
Shannon is interrupted once as they bring her dose of the vaccination. Then she continues to pray for Dad and the Chief.
Few people command such an immediate response, but one of them is Rebekkah. She had demanded to talk with Maggie. But once Maggie realizes she'd been called out of the room for a mere phone call ---and not an emergency ---she is certain to tell the person about it, "I was sitting in the room with Shannon when you called. I find that much more important at this time, than discussing the book with you."
Rebekkah realizes it as true, "You're right. I'm sorry. That's not really why I called anyway. I just found it easier to talk about the other first, then lead up to the more painful issues. I ran a cross-check on that bloodwork. The Chief is really Crazy Larry ---that prisoner that ...."
Rebekkah gets all choked up, and can't continue.
At this moment Maggie asks, "Is Cindy there? I'd like to talk with her."
Rebekkah quickly regains her assertiveness, "You can't tell Cindy about this ---it would tear her up inside. What if Stephen doesn't make it? Most likely he won't. Let's be honest …you don't expect him to make it. So, do you still honestly think it would be good to tell Cindy that her husband is alive ---only to tell her the next day that he died?"
Maggie has enough assertiveness in her character to challenge what she thinks is proper, "To be honest with you, I think it unthinkable not to tell Cindy. If she doesn't know now, then she can't pray for her husband during a time when he needs everyone's prayers. And if you are thinking that Stephen will most likely die, and she should never know …then you are creating a huge burden for Shannon."
Rebekkah insists, "I don't know ---I just know I can't tell Cindy, that's all. I don't want to burden anyone."
Maggie insists, "Well, then ---I'll call her. You can't just not tell her. Someone's got to tell her."
469
Maggie would perhaps understand more how Rebekkah feels if she knew that her husband's son is actually Cindy's husband. Over fifty years ago she had received that startling letter. Then over a decade later she'd traveled to a maverick molecular biologist in England to verify it. And poor Ruth …she'd created a fantasy that she never knew was real. She went to her grave ---not knowing.
Would Maggie tell her own husband that it is his son that is about to die? Rebekkah will not give her that option. She hadn't told Ruth, and she isn't going to tell Maggie either.
Maggie had paused. She has one more point she wants to share, "And by the way, the plane that went to get the medication also dropped off the manuscript I've been working on for you. They shall be arriving in the States in a day or two. I just want you to know how difficult it has been for me all these years. At your pleading, I promised ---but I'm sorry I did. I believe it was wrong for me to promise. But I did learn something from it. I learned never to make a promise. And going over all these manuscripts has also been a burdensome task. Trying to keep them hidden to preserve the secret between my husband and you ---well, I felt sneaky and deceitful. I can't imagine how you managed all these years to ...."
Maggie had said enough ---probably too much. She should have left that last part out. If Rebekkah is going to receive her words, she would have by now.
Perhaps Rebekkah has received Maggie's words, but is still a ways away from acting on them. It seems that is always the case with Rebekkah. She has spent a lifetime avoiding it ---but now, just this past year, she let Maggie know that she was preparing to tell him. But, she doesn't fault Maggie for not believing her. Rebekkah had begun writing a book entitled, 'So Loved...'. She wanted to write a book to explain to her son how much she loved him. She knew how difficult it would be to tell him how much she loved him, since she spent most of his lifetime avoiding telling him so. But she felt the book would adequately explain why she felt she couldn't tell him, at first ---yet, how would he respond to her not telling him when she could? But then …she felt she couldn't again.
She had started by collecting some of his poems ---the collection entitled, 'So Loved ...'. Then she worked a story around some of the poems. But instead of finishing the first book, she began writing a second book. Maggie's response at that time was to send Rebekkah a poem of her own, entitled, 'It's Never Too Late'.
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The second book was supposed to bridge the gap between her not being able to tell him, then when she could ---then not being able to again. This is the book she was about to complete …having been a long time in coming.
Maggie recalls telling Rebekkah that she seemed to be writing more for herself ---that it appeared to be her own rationalizing and justification. And it appeared she would never tell him. It was taking so long to write, it appeared she was using it as a stalling tactic.
Rebekkah had claimed it was because details were missing from the story, and she had politely asked for Maggie's help. But the story dragged on and on. She had decided that the last half of that second book, would make a good third book. Maggie had said she was no longer curious whether and how Rebekkah would tell her son ---as long as she told him. This was taking ridiculously long, but nonetheless, Rebekkah had committed to the trilogy. She claimed she was eager to get it into print, but as Maggie sees it ---she is no more prepared to tell her son than she'd ever been. The truth is ---she's spending most of her time doing what she has been doing for a lifetime ...avoiding the truth, at least the telling portion of it. And she is asking yet another friend to help her write the final chapter of a story which she says she hopes she can play her part in …helping to create a more pleasant ending for ---actually, for all.
*******
Maggie will not be making any phone call. It is Shannon's place to talk with her mom …if and when she decides to do so. If Shannon happens to believe the same as Rebekkah ---that they should wait, and only tell Cindy in the event that the medicine works ---then Maggie would do her best to try to convince Shannon that it's the wrong approach. But everything said and done, if Shannon still agrees with Rebekkah …then Maggie will just try to respect that.
Maggie does not need to concern herself. As she enters the room, Shannon is on the phone, "I'm doing fine, Mom. How about you? You sound tired ...must be all that celebrating. By the way, happy birthday, Mom!"
471
Shannon had prayed. She's a bit more relaxed now …actually, more than a bit. She seems like a totally different person. The prayer has not only brought her beyond tears, but to a conversation that actually appears rather lighthearted.
Shannon smiles as she listens to Mom's response over the phone, "Well, technically speaking, it is my birthday. But it's only a couple hours past midnight here. But don't worry about that. It's always so good to hear from you. I know you must be caught up in everything ---it's a wonder you remembered my birthday. But you are always sweet that way. I miss you so much, Shannon."
Maggie listens as Shannon replies, "I'm so sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to wake you. I never could get those time zones straight."
Mom laughs, "Don't apologize. I know you don't get much occasion to call. And you know I'm worried sick about you all the time. The best thing you could have done for me was to call. You don't know how good it is to hear from you. It always seems like forever to me, but I know you don't get a chance very often."
Shannon is eager to move on with the conversation, "Mom, I have to tell you …I've had the most fantastic adventure here. God works wonderful miracles in the mission field ---way beyond our imaginations."
Shannon can't see her Mom smile. Everyone back home was aware of Rebekkah's surprise shipment. Mom imagines part of the reason Shannon hadn't called sooner was that she had received her surprise Arabian horse, and she had probably ridden it every day from dawn until dusk, thinking of nothing else. But Shannon is so sweet. She had remembered her Mom's birthday.
Mom misses her so much, "Yes, way beyond our imaginations. I imagine you'll be coming home soon. You will be back in time for your sister's wedding, won't you?"
Shannon is preparing to spring her surprise, "I planned on leaving for home last week, but something came up, and I've been rather busy ...but I'm doing my best. I hope you don't mind me bringing someone home with me."
Mom laughs again, "Oh, silly me ...for a second there, you had me. But you're talking about the horse, aren't you?"
Shannon draws out the suspense, "No ---that was a wonderful surprise, but this is an even bigger surprise."
Mom teases, "So, you met someone? The wedding bells will still be ringing in my ears from Leah's marriage …and then you?"
Shannon knows she will win this game of teasing, "No, it's not my marriage I'm referring to …it's yours."
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Mom laughs, "That doesn't sound like you, Sweetie. I know Fernye has a knack for matchmaking, but don't tell me you are into it too."
There is a long pause. Shannon is beginning to get caught up in her tears again. And Mom is just caught in quiet reflection. She knows Shannon is just kidding, but she doesn't understand the sudden silence.
Mom asks, "Are you still there?"
Kidding aside, Shannon fights back her tears. "Yes, Mom, I'm still here."
It is so awkward and difficult to gauge emotions over the phone, but Mom tries, "Is it Leah's wedding that you're referring to? Are you worried that I'm going to try to take over her wedding …and not give her any breathing space? Is that why you said my wedding …because you know how I get? Well, I don't blame you …I do sort of get carried away. I get all excited, and want to do this and that …but you know how it is with me. You know that when you say my wedding …you aren't talking about my wedding. You know I will never remarry. But I can still get excited about one of my children getting married. I guess you can tell that I am a bit tired ...rambling on like this, and not making much sense."
Shannon fights back the tears, "I didn't say your wedding, I said your marriage. You've made it clear to all of your children that you would never remarry. And that fact has made this occasion most beautiful."
Mom yawns, "I guess you may be a bit tired too ...being through so much lately. I imagine the mission field is a real challenge."
Shannon draws a deep breath," Mom, I don't know how to tell you this, but ……"
Through many tears, Shannon manages to tell Mom all about it. And Maggie listens to the blessed sharing of a most joyous revelation, capped with prayer.
Neither Shannon nor Mom can figure how it all came to pass ---they just stand ready to offer their thanks in prayer. Only two people really know the truth of what happened ---and they may not live to tell it.
At this point, what really matters is not knowing how it all happened, but knowing the One who not only knows exactly what happened, but also is the only One who has any control over what is about to happen.
Shannon and Mom pray together while on the phone. They pray to their One and only God. And before Cindy hangs up the phone, she tells Shannon she will catch a plane in the morning, so she can join her.
473
Meanwhile, in another building, an intense struggle is going on ---not just for truth, but for mere existence. A lifetime of events and struggles flash within a tormented mind ---a mind once belonging to who most would refer to as ---Crazy Larry.
Now it is difficult to discern who that mind belongs to. Or who could say whether anyone at all even cared, up until ---the island. And for the entire time he was chief, their caring was only for their tradition, which benefited most of them to a degree. The chief was just like a piece on a chessboard ...but, if they lost the main piece, it was not so disappointing. They would enjoy starting the game over.
But, the entire island is praying for the old Chief now. They don't consider it important who he really is ---he is the old Chief to them ---but, more importantly, they now view him as a valuable person.
Shannon is drawn away from Dad's room. Her Dad will really need her tomorrow. Meanwhile, there is a life that can really use her prayers now. And it will give her an idea what Dad will be going through tomorrow. She will endure the screams of terror. She will go to the old Chief's side ---and pray.
*******
Anyone could see the agonizing physical pain he is going through at this moment ---and anyone near could hear it too. No one should realistically expect anyone to endure this. But no one is here to really see what anyone could see …except an occasional look-see by a doctor or attending nurse. In complete isolation, what could anyone really do anyway? All they can do is wait …and pray.
Though we cannot see the ordering of events, nor understand the necessity of it …God sees.
In order to struggle back to sanity, Crazy Larry has to pass again through events in his life. They were torture enough the first time, but now are being repeated. Is he to order back a memory filled with disorder and confusion ---and attempt to gain back the sanity that most claim he never had?
Though most would imagine it preferable to erase those memories, it is necessary to recall those agonizing moments, to restore the memory and preserve the mind …or is that just a psychological conundrum? How nice it would be to be able to remember some of the nice things ---if there were any. The ordering of significant events, after all, is considered the foundation of our memory ---our sanity.
474
Dreams, nightmares, and reality are all mixed together ---and have to be sorted out. As the mind orders up these events, as usual, the memory begins with childhood:
Other children call their caregivers "Mom" or "Dad", but I think I'm special because I am the only one who has a "Nanny".
My Nanny appears to love me, but she also appears to love something else. You can tell just by the look in her eyes. Her hands are on cleaning or cooking, but she moves about in strange ways. She is the curious sort ---always trying to find something out. Of all the people in my life, she impresses me, and her ways are sure to create a great impact upon my young life ...as I begin hiding around the house, always near to where she is. I will not be left out of this game. I will find out what she finds out.
Soon, Nanny and I hear something I'm certain we are not meant to hear. Nanny gets caught listening and gets fired. I fear I'm going to get fired with her, but my hiding place is good, and I'm not about to let anyone in on it. Apparently, this family loves secrets and there is much they haven't let me in on.
I'm confused and concerned. I overhear something they obviously wish to keep secret. According to them, I do have a Mom like the other children. But they talk like my situation is different than that of the other children. From what I hear, my mom is supposedly diagnosed as having a severe case of retardation ---mentally handicapped, they say.
They say her name is Callula. The strange thing is that I know this person. I see her a couple times a year, during the holidays. I don't know why they don't let me know this is my Mom. Everyone else I know has moms who aren't kept secret.
475
I decide to talk with her during the Christmas gathering, while everyone else is busy talking.
She says I am her son ...she has overheard them talking about it. The way I figure it, they either think that she can't hear, or that she can't understand. I think it's ridiculous of them to think that way …just because she is retarded. Sometimes it's difficult to tell who are the slow ones.
But I hear that's common for normal people too. So many times, parents talk in front of children and think they can't hear. Or they talk in bed at night …thinking those little ears are asleep, unable to hear in the quietness of the night.
I have a very difficult time dealing with all of this. I guess I made it difficult for them too, not having Nanny around to take care of me anymore. They had probably initially hired her to help keep me out of trouble. And I could have still managed that, if not for something they'd left lying around. It is a telephone number …Callula's number. They must think children can't hear, or read.
The rest is simple. I call the number and ask for directions. Then I take a bus.
The bus driver is very helpful also. I tell her I'm lost, and I'm looking for my Mom. She drops me off right in front of the mental institution.
Mom doesn't appear happy, at all. But when she sees me, she is happy. And I stay with her all day. She says it is the best day of her life.
It's soon night though, and I'm tired. I curl up at the bottom of her bed and fall asleep.
When they find me there, they are not happy. Mom is not happy that I have to go, but I promise her that I'll be back.
Though they make it difficult for me to keep that promise. They make some arrangements through some church people. I do not like my new home. I don't know much about foster care, but what I do know I don't like. I know I don't like all this shuffling around, and being away from Mom. And I know Mom doesn't like being away from me. I know it didn't go over too well the last time I visited Mom, so this time I decide to sneak her out to visit me. The key to it all is that I do it at night, and I always make sure I sneak her back by early morning.
476
I know Mom isn't happy at the mental institution, but I should have just stuck with my night-time unauthorized visits. I got away with it for a couple years …until I began thinking she'd be happier at the foster home, and that they'd accept her there. That is my big mistake. I bring her back with me one night, and she falls asleep at the foot of my bed.
After that it is shuffling time again. This time I'm moved to a group home. That's when the fearful things enter into my life. The man in the group home spends most evenings in front of his television. He always has it on his sports station, and he has it on real loud. He also drinks several cans of something, and belches really loud. The woman in the foster home does not appear the least bit interested in any of this. She puts earplugs in, and goes to bed early.
It is really loud …but I like loud. It makes it easier to slip out at night. It is easy for a while anyway …until this man begins to visit. He is certainly no stranger to me. This man is part of that group who spends time together, only during the holidays.
They say his visits are necessary to maintain funding for the home ---something to do with State regulations. I see State regulations to mean a regular beating. But that is nothing compared to the treatment one of the older girls in the home receives. She is no stranger either ...only the situation became stranger.
This Khaki Mae is only eleven, yet older than me. She has been at the holiday gatherings also. But she must have been kicked out just like I had been. Not long after that, I find out from Mom that the man who beat me is actually my father.
I am the only one who feels Mom is not crazy. She says my father is the sick one ...preferring to keep all his eggs in one basket. And he doesn't like anyone to be well. He prefers his eggs to be cracked ones. No one will believe Mom ---she is just cracked. And of course, being her son, I befall the same judgment.
477
Crazy Larry's entire body writhes in pain, going through a sequence of seizures, too long and too intense for life to endure ---at least medically speaking. And locked inside are those agonizing memories.
Mom is considered insane ---and I am too, in believing her. But I am sane enough to know to never share with anyone the secret she tells me. I am best to just deal with the horrible fact that the man who was beating me and abusing the older girl at the group home, is my father. But during my last visit with Mom, I am told a much more disturbing fact …about this older girl. She is my sister.
I am in total shock! I'm told that my sister does not know this secret. But knowing now that she is my sister, I soon become very angry. I hide, and actually watch what dad does to her during his abusive visits. He kisses her on the lips, and she seems to go into a sort of trance, as if separating herself from reality. I am convinced that she is not aware of what he does next, detaching herself from what is really happening. I want to run out from hiding and attack my dad, but I'm afraid.
I have to do something about it! After all, she is my sister! Yet, though I am not afraid of what he may do to me ....I am uncertain how it may affect her. She seems to be coping by escaping reality, and what would happen if I forced her to acknowledge the horror?
Is this just an excuse? Why am I paralyzed with indecision? I know I'm going to end up hating myself if I can't stop this!
It gets worse, if that is at all possible. Subconsciously, she must be fighting that which she seems not to even acknowledge as happening, as she strikes out at what she must perceive as what the reason is, and the beginning of it all ...the kiss. She begins punching herself in the mouth. And blood is everywhere.
The next day her lips are all swollen. She is walking around as if nothing had happened, until suddenly she angrily throws a magazine across the room. I wonder what set that off ...so, I go pick up the magazine. It is Models magazine. I don't get it ...then I do. Though all the photographed models do not have the same color hair and eyes, and each have their unique facial and bone structure, it highlights what they all have in common ...their large luscious lips.
478
I never see the bloody lips again, though it appears she has done damage ...and they remain bigger, not the natural look for her. I see another change then. She now begins eating and eating …and eating. I figure I know why she is eating so much ---and I begin to give her my food too.
I see that as she eats and eats ---she gets bigger and bigger. She just sits around and belches and performs other sundry gross functions. Soon our dad, whom she didn't know of, no longer comes around. I am very thankful for that, and I am very thankful for her. I somehow feel her gross mannerisms are responsible for his not coming around anymore. And that means I am no longer beaten, and she is no longer abused.
Crazy Larry's body stops shaking. Shannon wonders whether he is still alive. She is too frightened to get closer, but she must. He is sweating profusely and she checks his pulse. His heartbeat is racing. Suddenly, he grips the rails of the bed, his fingernails cutting into the bottom of his palm, causing it to bleed.
I really look up to her. She is the reason I no longer am visited by my dad for these senseless beatings ---sometimes nearly beaten senseless. I see her clever ways. Once he stops coming around, she stops eating so much. She only eats here and there. But she continues to keep the weight on. That is a mystery to me, until I happen upon her secret.
I see her sneak out of her bedroom one night ---and I follow. She goes to the basement. There is a room down there set up as a weight room. And that's where her secret is revealed to me. She doesn't see me. But I see as she peels off layer after layer of clothes ---and some stuffing that she'd duct-taped to herself. I see that she isn't big anymore ---or rather she is big in another way. She is now becoming very muscular.
She had turned her weight into muscle, but she still stuffs her clothes to make it look like she hadn't changed. It is a real art, and she is really good at it. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would have never known.
479
Then one night, she sees me. I promise I won't tell, but I don't think she likes me. She doesn't like anyone sharing in her secret ---and I think she still fears that man will come back.
At eighteen, my sister leaves the group home. With too many painful thoughts and memories …I fear I'll never see her again. I hear she wants to become a nurse. There are many things I want to end up becoming, but as a few short years pass, I end up in a private mental institution …with none other than my sister as the nurse. I discover that our father owns the facility, but I'm certain she never knew of this connection to the place …nor his relationship to her. I begin to realize what Mom had said about my father keeping all his cracked eggs in one basket. He is still attempting to maintain that control …while still keeping that grip of fear wrapped around her. It is sick the way he tries to keep us both within his wicked and watchful eye ---his basket of cracked eggs.
She continues to wear her armor ---in fear that if she didn't, he'd make himself known in the way he had in the past. She does a good job at making herself look big. But if you know her secret, like I do, you can tell by the muscles in her hands.
At the mental institution, I meet someone who I oddly trust from the very beginning. Previous to this, I've only trusted two people in my life ---Nanny and Mom. Her name is Maggie Major. And it is quite an experience knowing her.
Crazy Larry begins shaking the bed. This time his entire body doesn't shake ---just his upper torso and arms.
I am only trying to help the helpless young man. It seems all my sister's horrible memories are being taken out on the young man. She strips herself of her armor. Now dressed like one of those All-Star wrestlers, she exhibits her quite unbelievable form …from all those driven agonizing hours of workout.
480
She picks up the young man over her head, as if to say that no man will ever control her again. Then she slams him down, slams herself upon him, and pins him to the floor ---before leaping up with arms raised in victory.
It is scary! In an attempt to show that she will not be controlled, she is fully demonstrating that she still is. I fear for the young man's life. The inevitable is soon to happen. And the confrontation leads to ….the accident.
An attempt to save the young man's life ---costs my sister hers. And I land in prison, where I rightfully feel I belong.
Shannon cries and prays ---cries and prays. She prays he is not caught in past destructive memories. The mind is not merely a receptacle of past experiences. New ideas can also enter the mind. She prays that his mind will be renewed.
Suddenly, it gets real quiet. She wonders whether he's alive, as he lies there so deathly still. She immediately checks his heartbeat. It has slowed considerably ...and he is breathing normally. Shannon can't bear being away from Dad's side any longer. She kisses the old Chief on the forehead. She whispers, "God be with you." And she departs.
The thoughts do not depart from Crazy Larry though. He sequences through his past:
I recognize the connection with one of the psychiatrists at the prison. I had only seen him one time before, at the mental institution, but the possibility of the connection scares me. Then there is another Stephen that comes into my life. What is it with these Stephens? Every time there is a Stephen, something happens. And sure enough it happens!
All the lights go out, except for the light of the fire. Everything is out-of-control. No one really knows what happens inside of a prison, except those who witness it ---and that truth is locked up inside a person, in fear the truth may escape.
481
The truth is, I feel no one cares what might happen to us. I feel it's up to us to find our own way out. But some of us are trapped within our rooms by the wall of flames.
I see another light, scanning about randomly, occasionally flashing against the ceiling. I suspect it is flashlights, as I hear Casey's voice down the hall, "Every man for himself! You gotta find your own way out!"
The flames are so lively one minute, I can't imagine how they are diminishing so quickly. Then I see that faint form. Someone has a fire extinguisher …but that someone has nearly extinguished himself. The last flame being extinguished is the last glimmer of light. And that last light is barely enough to see that faint form fall to the floor.
I react! I have to save the person who had attempted to save me. I somehow feel it must be Stephen behind that bit of heroics. Now I must save him.
It's pitch-black, but I gauge the distance from which the figure has fallen. I try to pick him up, but I'm not that strong ...I think it's this medication they have me on.
I need help, but I can't count on any of the workers. The flashlights were no longer in the area. Casey had taken charge, and the others had obviously followed him. He's not going to help a prisoner. He won't even help a co-worker. Casey will only help himself.
I holler out to Tennessee Trucker. I know he will help me. And he is stronger than anyone I know.
Trucker follows my voice, his strong arms gathering beneath my straining effort ---picking up our fallen hero with ease. I run into my room and grab my sheets ---I don't know why, but they come in handy. In the foster home, I used to make ropes out of them to climb out of the second story window.
482
My eyes begin to adjust. It is an overcast night, but for one brief moment the clouds part, and the moon illuminates part of the fence. There is a gigantic hole in the fence. Within the lights of his vehicle, the perimeter guard is seen cautiously approaching on foot. I have to act before he reaches the hole in the fence. It is a very windy night. I wait until the right moment ---and I release the sheets.
I run towards the sheets ---screaming. Trucker knows what to do. I had created a diversion. Every prisoner knows well what a diversion is. He breezes through the hole in the double fence ---the moon's light helping him avoid the razor wire strewn about.
The moon moves back behind the clouds. I don't see Trucker, I just see the guard standing in the light of his own vehicle. He raises his rifle, and aims at me. I don't think my screaming was such a good idea. I think I would have gotten shot by the perimeter guard if Trucker had not dropped what he was doing, or who he was carrying ...to grab the perimeter guard.
He squeezes him until he falls into a heap. Then Trucker does what he hasn't been able to do in years …he gets behind the wheel of the truck.
Trucker drives to where he had dropped Stephen. Yes, by the lights of the vehicle I see that it is, in fact, Stephen ---no one else would have tried to save us. The lights of the vehicle now illuminate the area of the fence, so I can step through the hole, and avoid the razor wire.
I can never stand seeing anyone injured or in trouble, especially if it's life-threatening. I run to the guard's side. A pulse, still breathing, ---must have the wind squeezed out of him. It's a real relief that he is alive. I also relieve him of fifty dollars from his wallet. After all, there is also another life I must be concerned with ---that of Stephen.
483
When I get to the truck, Trucker reaches down within his tucked in shirt. He hands me a bag. I look inside. It's his playing cards! He has every one of his decks, his precious possessions, in that bag ---and he is giving them all to me!
I don't know what to think next. Trucker says he's going back.
I don't understand ---but I do. He's been locked up so long, he is afraid to face the outside world again. In a way, prison isn't much different than his trucking business. It's an escape ---one he's not ready to escape from. The very reason he took to trucking was to avoid confrontation ---to avoid interactions for the most part. And in the system ---that makes for a model prisoner. The ones who do the best in prison are the loners ---as long as they are left alone. And with Trucker's size and strength, everyone leaves him alone.
Clothed, and with three square meals ---Trucker has what he wants. The trucking business he had worked for, had become too confrontational. His peaceful job had become less than peaceful. Rumors circulated of illegal substances.
And that load fell upon Trucker.
Prison isn't so bad, for some ---it is the process of getting there that is bad. It's the confrontation ---the arrest ---the judgment ---the less than humane treatment. But now he is in prison, and he can be a loner again. And furthermore, he is respected and accepted by all the other prisoners. As I see it, it's a clear choice ---the prison, or the outside world? The outside world is too unstable ---he'll stay.
I'm so touched by Trucker giving me his prized possession. I want to give him something in return ---but what do I have to give?
I give Trucker a hug ---but am thankful he doesn't hug me in return. I don't want to end up like the guard. What else can I do? I offer him the only thing I can ---"You can sleep in my room tonight. That is ---if you don't mind not having any sheets. There's still a blanket and bedspread for you."
484
I've only driven a few miles when there is a car blocking the road. I imagine they may be setting up roadblocks to try to stop me, but how could they have responded so quickly?
Then I see something I can relate to. Someone is kicking the car. It isn't a blockade. So, I stop.
A young man is going to take a friend to the midnight movie, but his car keeps stalling out. I tell him I will trade ---I'm good at fixing cars. He says he really likes trucks, and his friend will really be impressed if he picks her up in one. He points to the house he lives in ---and says I'm a real pal. If I get the car fixed, he says I can take it for a spin.
I get it fixed, and take it for a spin. I spin it all the way to --- Maine.
I try to blot out all the things I've done, but I can't. I was sent to prison for something that wasn't my doing ---I had tried to prevent it. I still feel guilty, but it wasn't really my fault. I should not have been sent to prison, but now that I'm out, I'm finding myself doing all the things I don't want to do ---my whole life I just wanted a chance to start over.
So much of my life I've been called crazy, that I just acted the role. I'm in this mess in the first place because of a long list of injustices ---and I'm beginning to hate myself. The only time that I actually ever felt any hope at all ...was just before I had gone to prison, having met Maggie. She made me feel special. I want to have her high set of standards. But those days are over. Now I'm turning out to be exactly what everyone expects me to be ---and I'm doing the very things I hate.
What is this torment of injustice? "If you can't beat them, join them" ---it's a terrible solution.
One wrongdoing leads to another. Now I'm a fugitive.
I took the money. I took a car, or traded a car ---which really was stealing. 'Make a Wish Foundation' becomes my next lie, and I become a stowaway on an airplane. I really hope this Stephen doesn't get airsickness.
485
Once we land on the island, I can barely walk. The plane ride was so long ---and in such a cramped area. Stephen is really sick. He had smoke inhalation from putting out the fire ---then I was so driven to escape, I stupidly stuck him in the trunk, and exposed him to more fumes. Then when the boat caught on fire, we jumped ship and he nearly drowned. Now I'm airsick ---and nauseous from all that refueling.
When they go to greet the others before unloading the plane, I make my escape. I can't escape my guilt though. I should leave Stephen here and let them take care of him, but instead I steal a small boat and take Stephen with me. All I want to do is escape. I just want to get away ---from everyone.
But obviously I don't want to run from everyone. After all ---I have Stephen with me. If he survives, I can tell him how I saved his life. We drift for days ---upon days. I'm getting sick, but he's beginning to come to. I'm not fully aware of his improved condition though ---until he stands up. I can't believe he has the strength to stand, but he does ---and he falls overboard.
The boat has life preservers. I don't know why so many of us refuse to put them on ---feeling it's okay to just have them in the boat. It's like strapping a helmet to the back of a motorcycle ---a lot of good that does.
I grab the two life preservers. Instinctively, Stephen is flailing ---not swimming, but thrashing. I don't know if he can even swim, I just know he isn't doing too well at this time. I throw both life preservers at him. One of the preservers hooks one of his flailing arms, remarkably keeping his head above water. At least one thing has worked better than I expected.
486
I jump in after him ---have to get to him before his arm gets loose.
So much for preparing to tell him how I saved his life ---I'm almost killing him in the process. I took him from a fire and brought him to a fire. Twice fumigated him ---once in the car trunk and another time traveling 'fugitive class' air travel. And now this makes twice that I almost drowned him.
By the time I reach him, his arm is almost out of the strap. I pull on it once from behind, then with amazing ease, I'm able to slip it over the other arm. I quickly clasp it in front. Okay, I reached him in time. He's safe and secure ---now to get my life preserver on.
I have a much more difficult time getting mine on.
I have a backpack on ---and I'm sure a life preserver isn't meant to go over a backpack. I'm so exhausted ---no effort to even worry. I've no idea where I really am. All I can see is water, water, and more water. I'm so tired.
Stephen already appears asleep. I put my arm around his neck to keep his head from dropping down. I want so much to sleep too ---and I do.
When I awaken, I feel so relaxed ---moving smoothly through the water with my arm still around Stephen.
I guess I'm rested enough to start worrying again. Where is my boat? And I also hope the waters don't contain anything that might consider us part of the food-chain.
487
The scorching sunlight glimmers across the water, blinding my vision, so I close my eyes again. It is so relaxing. It feels like we're gliding slightly faster through the water than I'd anticipate from a simple drift. I let my mind drift once more, imagining how at times people had reported being saved by dolphins.
I let that thought drift for only a second or two, before I turn around and open my eyes gradually.
I suddenly see that it's not on porpoise ---but it's not by accident either ---why we are drifting so quickly. Perhaps I'm hallucinating ---hunger, thirst, and exhaustion, ---all playing a factor, along with this blinding light, and wishful thinking. I close my eyes again, this time opening them more slowly, allowing more time for my eyes to adjust.
I see a shadow. My vision is still blotchy from the intense sun refracting zillions of prisms of light from each surface droplet, extending out for ---forever, across the boundless waters. I focus hard. The faint shadow is ---my boat!
I turn my head back as far as I can. Suddenly, I see that it's not my boat anymore! It never really was my boat ---I had taken it, but now someone had taken it from me.
There are two boats ---the one I had considered mine and the other one which has us in tow, by a rope or woven vine, tied to the back of our life preservers.
Such a rapid transition from such peacefulness and tranquility ---to such a state of panic. It's a tribal people ---the type the missionaries so freely greet with happy faces ---but this is a reverse greeting. I don't feel like I can express myself freely ---it feels like we're being held captive.
488
I guess I can be thankful they saved us ---but, saved us for what? The facial paint is rather intimidating, not to mention the clubs and spears.
When we near their island, the water is too shallow to bring us in tow, so they literally carry us by the back of our life preservers ---one on each side of each of us. Then they lower us gently to the sand.
I try to shore up the proper emotion ---to try not to show fear. Having been in mental hospitals and prison, I have a broad perspective on what should be the thing to do in almost any situation ---I think.
In the prison, I tried not to act like I was intimidated. That wouldn't work here ---I am intimidated. In the mental hospital, if I showed fear ---everyone else may likewise react in fear. I don't want that! Fear and spear may go hand in hand …or from hand to heart.
I have no clue. I have no idea what to do ---but whatever I do, I feel I should do it quickly …in a slow kind of way ---not to make them defensive.
I breathe deeply, groan, and grunt. I feel this is probably universal ---and they'll think I'm in distress. I take off my backpack, in hopes they'll think I am getting a gift for them, rather than think I'm retrieving a weapon. I had taken a huge zip-lock bag from the airplane. It has first aid items and a camera inside. I'd also placed the precious gifts I had received from Trucker in the bag. It isn't much, but it's all I have. Food would be nice, but I had pureed and spoon-fed Stephen our last.
I'll show them how the camera works, ---they'll be amazed. Don't aim it at them, I tell myself, it may startle, or anger them. But I can take Stephen's picture. And I can use the flash for effect.
489
He is stretched out on his back on the sand. I don't realize he is coming to. I aim. Suddenly he sits up! In a flash, he falls back.
The tribal people look on. Do they think I injured him?
It is an instamatic camera. I wait for the picture to develop. Then I show it to them. But they don't seem amazed ---they seem confused. And I'm afraid what confusion may prompt them to do.
One of them begins searching through my backpack, while another has the zip-lock bag ---and spills a deck of cards across the sand. To this ---they jump back!
A King, Queen, and Jack are facing up. There is a Joker too. Perhaps the playing cards look as tribal as the tribe themselves.
I pick up another deck of cards and begin shuffling them in an impressive manner ---though I doubt they are impressed, by the look on their painted faces.
I don't know what to do next, so I do the only thing I can think of doing ---what Trucker would have done.
I ignore everything around me, and I play Solitaire.
It seems I can do nothing right. Perhaps Stephen and I are doomed.
Suddenly the earth shakes. The tribal people take notice now ---but not of me. I try to mimic the sound ---with my loudest vocal blast. I throw the cards high into the air, and let them float back to their place on the sand.
Now I have their attention! I begin to draw frantically in the sand. I draw the mountain, pointing at the mountain.
490
I quickly grab another deck of cards, holding them at the drawing of the mountain top while giving another vocal blast …as I throw those cards into the air. They jump back! Suddenly I feel no fear. I'm in control again. And I have their undivided attention.
I pick up several of the face cards and run to the water's edge. With another vocal blast, I throw those cards in the water. Then I pick up one of the life preservers, with the vine rope still attached, and throw it in the water.
Now things are working right for me. As I pull on the vine rope, retrieving the life preserver ---to my delight I see there is a playing card caught within.
It is at this moment that I realize the similarity. Stephen's shirt is as bizarre looking as the designs on the playing cards.
I point to the playing card and I point to Stephen.
I hold the playing card in my hand, and the photo I had taken of Stephen with the camera. I quickly put the playing card behind Stephen's photograph.
I show them Stephen's photo and quickly gather together as many of the playing cards as I can, putting them in their box, and placing them on the sand at the foot of the mountain drawing ---with Stephen's photo on top.
I dig a hole at the top of my mountain drawing.
I get two Jacks and place them on each side of the deck, and walk the deck up the mountain with Stephen's photo on top. Then I place the deck and Stephen's photo in the hole I had dug at the top of my mountain drawing. I cover them up with the sand, having the two Jacks walk back down the mountain.
491
The tribal people suddenly leave. I'm relieved, but I wonder what they will do next. I am not looking forward to their return, nor the anticipation of not knowing when that will be.
I wonder why I had done what I had done. But for the moment, I'm thankful. In a panic situation, people do the most bizarre things ---and even more bizarre ---others often follow them.
The next day, the tribal people return. They have a small platform on poles. They pick up Stephen, and place him on the platform. Then they begin carrying him up the mountain.
I hadn't even understood what I was doing, but they understood. The loud blast had sent Stephen
from the mountain ---out to sea. Or had Stephen run from the mountain? Whatever their beliefs, or understanding of it, they are now returning him to the mountain ---to pacify the mountain.
I follow. I have to see what they are going to do with Stephen ---after all, it is my doing. Whatever they are about to do, I'm responsible for it.
They carry him to the edge of a deep canyon. At its narrowest point, there's a plateau about fifty feet away ---on the other side of the canyon. Several other men of the tribe come from behind a large tree with what appears to be a ladder, with ropes made of vines attached. With very precise movement, they swing the ladder out, and touch it to the other side.
To my amazement, they pick up the pole platform and walk, with Stephen, across their constructed ladder to the plateau. For the first time, I see one of the tribal people smile, as I cautiously crawl across to join them.
492
At the far end of the plateau is a cave ---or tunnel through the rock. Light can be seen on the other side. They place Stephen in the hole, and I watch as two men carefully scoot back through the narrow tunnel. After a couple minutes, they return without Stephen.
They then escort me back to the ladder bridge, and allow me to drop down on all fours ---to crawl back across, while several of them continue to smile.
About fifty of the men stay on the plateau as the makeshift ladder bridge is removed. Nearly five times as many remain with me and proceed down the mountain.
My first thought is to begin gathering food for Stephen. I begin placing the food on the platform they had carried him up the mountain on.
Soon they catch on to what I'm doing. They smile ---and emerge with a staggering amount of food they had already gathered and prepared.
They carry the food up the mountain and to the plateau. The fifty men appear grateful for the food we had brought them. But more importantly, I watch them bring some food to the tunnel at the other end of the plateau.
Three days pass where they bring food to the tunnel ---then on the fourth day Stephen crawls from the tunnel. A couple of the men help him back through the tunnel. They want him to eat, but not eat with them. He has to stay in his proper place through the tunnel.
493
I am so happy to have seen Stephen, I get there early on the fifth day. Once again, I see him crawl from the tunnel ---and two men drag him back to where he belongs.
The sixth day, I do not see Stephen. I wonder if they'd been so frantic about him leaving the tunnel that they might have hurt him.
On the seventh day, Stephen does not crawl from the tunnel ---he bolts from it!
He gets past nearly a dozen men before they even have a chance to react, but then ---react they do!
I think I understand the motivation for each. The tribe feels that for the mountain to be satisfied, Stephen cannot escape. They want to return him back through the tunnel where they feel he belongs.
And of course, I cannot deny that this is mostly my doing. I don't know what I thought I was doing, but I somehow had brought them to believe this.
Of course, what I didn't tell them is perhaps the most fearful of all. I didn't tell them what abilities the 'Man in the Mountain' possesses. So, they've no real idea what they're up against. Perhaps he can leap that fifty feet from the plateau to the other side. After all, they believe he had escaped before ---they don't really know how, but they obviously fear what might happen if he escapes again.
Stephen, on the other hand, is motivated out of love. He has to get back to his family ---somehow!
494
The tribe responds as one. It seems they feel they have to stop Stephen before he reaches the end of the plateau. We'd just brought all of them the daily ration of prepared food, so some of the men have a much greater distance to go ---but that distance is quickly diminishing.
Stephen shows some rather unbelievable moves to get past the frontline of defense. It looks like a highlight film of the best of the NFL. He breaks one tackle after another ---as they unsuccessfully try to stop him.
As Stephen reaches the end of the plateau, he suddenly realizes that there's no way out. He looks up at me ---only fifty feet away, but across that dreaded canyon.
Impressed by his drive and determination, I throw up my arms to signal "touchdown".
The men standing with me also throw up their arms.
I walk past the men, and give each of them 'high-fives'. The men on the plateau had formed two straight lines behind Stephen. I anticipate they are preparing how they are going to grab him ---to return him back through the tunnel. But to my surprise, they also throw up their arms. They are all lined up like a Military Honor Guard, but they are smiling. These men appear to standing in apparent appreciation of Stephen's grand effort.
Stephen turns around suddenly, and throws up his arms.
He walks down between the two lines of men, giving them all "high-fives". Then he turns back to me.
I will never forget the conversation that takes place next. It isn't really what Stephen says. It's more of what I tell myself. I feel terrible at this moment, as if I suddenly believe what my father had said ---or I'd imagined he said.
495
I seldom had individuals come into my life who were encouraging ---who made me feel good about myself, not until Maggie came along, and ---now, with Stephen.
Now, the only one who can come close to understanding me or caring about me ---is Stephen. I still believe he cares, but he doesn't understand my fears.
Stephen wants to understand, "Well, that was certainly entertaining, wasn't it! Anyone else here speak our language, Larry?"
At this point, I don't know if anyone speaks my language ---the language of fear. I'm afraid of myself ---my own failures. I don't want to be accountable for anything. I've been held accountable for something I hadn't done ---and had gone to prison.
Now, all I want to do is run away and hide. And I feel this island is as good a hiding place as any.
I feel accepted here in a strange sort of way. My whole life has been a strange sort of way. But no one here will make me face any of that. I only have to face Stephen's questions, "No, far as I know, no one speaks our language."
Stephen takes a deep breath, "Well, I guess it's up to you and me then. I hope you can do a lot better than me with the what, where, and how categories ---'what' are we doing here, 'where' is here, and 'how' in the world ---or 'where' in the world, and 'how' did we get here?"
I had long been proficient in evasive techniques, "You forgot the why question ---I believe that is probably the supreme question."
496
Stephen tries to avoid tension by attempting to be slightly more lighthearted, "You mean, why the reversal of roles? Why are you now free, and I appear to be the one held captive?"
I've been in so many therapy sessions throughout my life, I know just what to say, "Are any of us truly free? Those of us who think we are free, are often imprisoned within ourselves."
I have to step away at this time. I don't really believe in what I was about to say next ---so I don't say it. How am I going to tell him that I saved his life twice, maybe three times ---when it was I who had put his life on the line? And I should expect him to be grateful ---for what?
Stephen probably doesn't consider this being saved.
All he would care about at this time would be his family ---they are his life. I'm not giving him life, I'm helping take it away. But I still can't be sure what would happen if I tell these tribal people that he is not really the 'Man in the Mountain'. I can't deal with all this guilt.
I'm afraid to make any more decisions, to take any more chances.
I decide not to chance letting Stephen see me again.
I will get rid of these clothes ---and clothe myself with the island. I will paint up my face, and rub the earth into every pore of my body. And I will become ---as the earth. I will become the people ---the people of the island.
I want to blend in with them and not be noticed.
I try to keep myself hidden. Then something very strange happens. Our island is invaded by Komodo dragons.
497
I think they blame me. Stephen is believed to be the 'Man in the Mountain', but they seem to think somehow that I must be the 'Man of the Sea'. And they seem prepared to return me there ---like they did Stephen to the mountain. Like they returned Stephen to the mountain to appease it ---they are likewise prepared to return me to the sea ---so the Komodos will stop coming.
I don't particularly like that plan, so I come up with my own plan. I begin herding all the Komodos ---to the canyon.
I amaze them with the cigarette lighter that I had taken from the zip-lock bag. The entire tribe
jumps back as I quickly produce fire. Then with huge fire sticks, I herd the Komodos. The tribesmen chant together, "Vea Viliami".
At that point, they make me their Chief. And one chief thing I make sure is always done ---the
'Man in the Mountain' has to eat. And his guardians on the plateau have to report back to me ---whether the 'Man in the Mountain' has eaten, and whether he is well or not.
I feel I'm responsible for Stephen being here, and I'm going to continue to be responsible. I'm going to keep him alive. He may wonder, for what? But, I will keep him alive.
There is something to be said for being alive.
Suddenly, Larry tosses and turns. This is the last phase of his struggle. Whether he lives or dies will be determined by his will to live. And deep inside Larry, he still can be called upon to be responsible, even though he doesn't understand much about what is going on.
498
Stephen had taken ill about the same time Larry had taken ill. With him not being well, he is uncertain whether anyone else will take care of Stephen. He can't assume anyone else will ---it is his responsibility. He has to check on him. If Stephen isn't okay, it is no one's fault but his own.
*************
Cindy's emotions are all over the map ---from unbelief to grief ---from hysteria to prayer ---from relief, thanks, and eager anticipation ---to uncomfortable feelings of old. The feelings of old begin to dominate ---with fear of rejection. The lack of love, and the constant conflict spur on overall general bad feelings.
Cindy has to rid herself of the negative thinking. The best thing to do is to visit Fernye again, before she leaves for Indonesia to join her husband. Fernye is the most positive person she knows.
The walled community makes life so much simpler. Fernye lives just next door.
Out of respect, she calls first. But something isn't right. Fernye doesn't sound like Fernye.
Cindy hurries next door. She is greeted by both Fernye and Rebekkah. Cindy feels slightly hurt that Rebekkah knows more about all this than she does. But she realizes what a great asset Rebekkah is ---with her ability to get things done.
Rebekkah has arranged Cindy's flight. She'll be leaving for Indonesia in a couple hours. Rebekkah also believes it is best not to tell the children at this time, "Let's see if Stephen makes it through first."
Cindy knows how easy it is to be swayed into adopting Rebekkah's opinions, but she is surprised that Fernye agrees. How is she going to explain leaving the country without the children knowing why. Fernye doesn't look well ---and she doesn't seem like her good old self ---she just looks old.
Fernye is the oldest person on record, though she has never seemed old to Cindy ---not until this very moment. Fernye's positive attitude and uplifting character seems to be absent today. But she insists she'll be okay ---she just wants to rest.
499
Cindy and Rebekkah leave. Cindy goes back to her place to gather her luggage for the trip. What did Fernye think Cindy would tell the children? Was she to tell them that she is flying out to see Shannon, since she misses her so much? She would want the children to be open and honest with her ---so why tell only part of the truth?
She should be feeling good about this. There is hope she'd be getting her husband back. But she isn't feeling that way. She isn't feeling like she is gaining ---she feels like she is losing it. She feels absolutely miserable ---and she feels miserable because she feels miserable about feeling miserable.
Cindy feels Fernye can get all the rest she wants ---later. She'll give Fernye one more hug before she leaves. She knows Fernye won't mind one last pleasant interruption.
Cindy is hysterical. Fernye is on the floor. She barely has a pulse. She picks up Fernye. She knows she can get to the hospital quicker than an ambulance. She nearly sprints, carrying Fernye in her arms. She hurries to the van, carrying Fernye. She has to get to the hospital right away.
Cindy collapses as she runs through the emergency entrance with Fernye in her arms.
The hospital personnel bring Fernye back to life, but they say Cindy has temporarily messed up hers. They put Cindy in traction. She is not to move her back. And it may be weeks before she can.
Fernye comes to Cindy's hospital room, and positions a chair beside her bed, "I love you so much! You are the best Granddaughter in the whole world." She lowers her head to kiss Cindy's hand. She never does lift her head. Fernye dies there.
*************
Rebekkah not only recommends that Cindy not tell the children about Dad, but now she says it is probably best that Shannon not be told about Fernye. Rebekkah says it'll probably be too much pressure on Shannon at this time. Cindy feels this is too much pressure on herself, but she'll follow Rebekkah's lead.
500
Cindy knows that Shannon will have to be told something. She will be expecting Mom to arrive soon. But Cindy is in no shape to arrive anywhere soon. She'll let Rebekkah call and explain that she is in the hospital, but will be okay ---and Shannon is not to worry about her.
*********
Meanwhile, Shannon sits quietly in Dad's new room. He'd just been moved to this other building ---so his screams won't disturb other patients. Soon he will be given that terrible medication.
Shannon knows she has to put aside those horrible images ---the intense struggle he has to go through. The terrible medication is also a wonderful medication. It is intended to save his life ---if it works. The Doctor is honest about it. No one has ever lived once reaching this advanced stage of the illness. This new medication doesn't bring much hope of survival, but they have to try something ---or there'll be no chance.
As the medication is administered, they all encourage Shannon, and pray with her. But then Shannon surprises them all, "I'd like to be alone with him while he goes through this."
Maggie feels the need to speak up, "You know, the Doctor advises against it. It will be absolute horror, watching him go through it. You shouldn't do this to yourself. It's too much to expect anyone to bear. Besides, you can always help him later if he gets through this. That's when he will really need you. At this stage, he won't really know you are even here."
Shannon insists, "I'll know that I'm here!" She doesn't tell them she had snuck in while the old Chief was fighting from the brink of death. All she wants them to know is, "It's my right to stay. Once Mom gets here, she can join me. Maybe he will be able to feel her presence."
They respect Shannon's right to stay ...but they privately decide to take turns outside the room, in case she changes her mind and needs them. Meanwhile, they all pray ---that not being something they merely take turns at.
501
Shannon recalls the Doctor saying that each struggle will have its own unique horror. Many factors play into the will to live. It is a combination of the past, present, and future.
The past has a lot to do with the person's proven ability to cope ---to rise above. The person's present condition also has a lot to do with it. Each day we can discount our past successes and throw no light on the future ---by our mere frame of mind. But that's the scary part. In this coma-like state there is no registered mind at all. And attempting to get the mind back is one of the biggest risks of all ---trying to bring the mind back to where it was before it had slipped away.
They all wonder what Shannon's frame of mind is at this time? Does she believe there is any hope …how does she perceive the future?
The answer is easy. There is no hope without trying. And there is the belief that it is not solely up to the person's will to live. There is God's Will also ...and there is prayer.
They all know Stephen's past, present, and future concerning God. If Stephen dies, he will be with God …that they are certain of. What they are not certain of is his striving towards family. And how can he strive towards something when he can't even know they are there in the room with him, or are about to be reunited?
For Shannon, this is a much more difficult issue. She is not convinced that it will make much difference, even if he can know she is in the room.
Yes, it will make a difference. She has to convince herself that it will. She knows it will! She has to know it will. Just because she has never opened up to him, doesn't mean she doesn't know her Dad. In spite of her previous unwillingness to accept his love, he always continued to love her. That was true then ---and that is true now. She can't let doubt rule this moment. She is certain he loved her …and if he ever makes it through this, she'll be there to tell him she loves him too.
"Oh, God, please give me a chance to tell him!"
*******
She knows that soon Dad will be going through the unimaginable. She prays that it will not be as intense as it was with the Chief. Or maybe he will not have to go through it at all. But if that means death, then that is not her hope. Shannon wonders if her prayer is a selfish one. Would Dad prefer to pass on ---to be joined with his Heavenly Father? And if that was his desire, would it be fair for her to pray against that?
502
Some would pray that he have no pain, and to rapidly recover. Others may say that they would pray for life, if it could be without pain, but if the pain proves to be too great, they'd pray for peaceful passage.
Shannon thinks about all this. She can do nothing, if she does not pray the desires of her heart. She will accept God's Will either way ---but she will pray for Dad to live, even if it means he will have to go through seemingly unbearable pain.
After all, the worst pain imaginable is the heart wrenching pain of emotional unrest. She at least wants to be able to tell him that she loves him. And Mom's flight will be arriving shortly. She won't be going through this alone. Mom will be by her side, sharing Dad's burden.
*****************
Dad begins to toss and turn. Shannon knows it's about to begin. She has to prepare herself ---for a nightmare of the worst kind. She thinks back to the writing assignment she had helped her youngest brother with. The assignment was to be about something that could be the worst imagined ...but she would never want to imagine this.
She remembers Samuel didn't much like the subject either. So they had changed the subject to pleasant dreams. They had talked about riding Arabian horses down sandy beaches.
Shannon had lived out that dream. She had ridden her Arabian horse on the island's sandy beaches. But she had found a truer love. True love is when we give up our dreams for what we believe in ---and she believes in Dad.
Only Stephen can sort all this out at this point. Well, not really! He would be the first to admit it is not just his struggle. He believes God can sort it all out.
* ** *** **** ***** ****** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** *As reality clashes with what may be imagined real, the collective ideas and thoughts that had become to be known as 'Stephen', begin to fall into place:
In Stephen's world, everything that was, ceases.
But if it ceases to be, then why the presence of the question? The lights had gone out, and it is so dark. When you are in complete darkness, you search for answers. But you find little comfort.
Everything is at a standstill. There is a big pause.
Nothing has direction. Doubt riddles any thought, or purpose. Everything is in darkness.
503
There is no thought ---there is nothing. How can there be no thought, yet there be a determination that everything is in darkness? To understand darkness, one has to have at one time been exposed to light. Conversely, to understand light, does one have to be exposed to darkness? Sad as it may seem to be, suffering often is the chosen path towards appreciation of light ---of life.
In life, there is no escape to nothingness …nor is there any need. But what most don't understand, neither is there an escape to nothingness in death. Death is a process, riddled with confusion, and denying the light. Death is not a single moment, nor an end in itself. It is a direction.
I know there will be light ahead. Light is a direction also. It is the path I have chosen. A path is a visible direction. Unlike darkness, it is not possible to follow unless it is made visible. It is a path of the heart ---which Jesus made visible. And we have to enter that path before we pass on. That path provides for us a rebirth.
I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper ---or am I traveling back to my own conceived beginning? It feels like I am surrounded by water. It is so dark, yet strangely comfortable. This first comfort was in not knowing, birthed with innocence ---yet filled with busy excitement, poised and ready to be known. I still feel secure in returning to this first comfort, as the joy of knowing doesn't quite match this first comfort.
504
As I proceed, there are many comforts that draw me near. I hate to admit it, but some of these comforts are even false comforts. Yet, as the first comfort was in not knowing, a new comfort speaks anew in knowing. It is in knowing ---that which reaches deep inside ---yet birthed from without, which defines this rebirth.
I no longer have the fear and doubt. They are emptied out of me, and I feel this rebirth. As they say, if we are born once, we die twice. But if we are born twice, we die once ---and live twice. The second 'twice', whether of death or life, is eternal.
This is the most vivid of all. This was my purpose before all became darkness. I was trying to communicate to them about the Light.
They are mad. It's about Casey. They'd seen him leave the building. They know how long he'll be gone. Casey is very predictable. Predictability can be comforting, but it can also be tormenting. It's a brief moment of comfort now, for a time, until he returns.
It is at this time that they confront me. They know that I see what they see.
Max is first to confront, "How would you feel if you were told you were going to die tonight?"
I am not afraid of the prisoners. This is not a threat. I see the desperation in their eyes, and in the nature of their question ...though I don't fully understand the motivation behind it.
505
Crazy Larry takes over, "I don't really fear death. But I know it can be scary to most people. And just because I don't fear it, doesn't mean I don't mind Casey telling us all the time that we're going to die ---telling us that death is in our food, in the medication we get, in the mattresses we sleep on . . ."
Max adds, "It's not only that; Casey also tells us we are going to die and go to hell, to be tormented forever. He says there is no escape from it because we've already been sentenced. It's because of who we are ---convicted felons."
I look into each of their individual hurts and into their angry eyes. I do not show them anger in return. My eyes soften with compassion, yet speak boldly, "That's not true! Those who pass judgment are most in danger of it. We must all decide whether we believe what God says ...but, we are never to pretend to know, or judge how God will deal with each individual at a particular time in their life."
I know that these prisoners may never again approach this depth of seeking. I have to keep on talking, before I lose their attention, "I know that it is hard to imagine a place more tormenting than this one, but the truth is that there is a place. And those who flirt with the ideas of evil intent and attempt to befriend it, have no idea that evil has no friends, only pawns and prisoners."
506
I realize that I may not be talking on their level of understanding. I still have their attention with words like 'torment' and 'hell', but I need to focus more on the simple truth. "Before many of you came here, you likely were led down a path you had no idea where it was leading to. You were shown outright, or perhaps got lost and came upon it. But God shows us a path that leads to the place of no pain and no suffering. This place which has been prepared for us is called Heaven. And we have a guided tour down that path, so we don't get lost; or mistakenly take a wrong turn, leading down the wrong path. God wants there to be no mistake who our guide is …we must follow Jesus!"
Max interrupts, "We are supposed to be guided by a baby?"
Crazy Larry laughs, "Jesus grew up just like we did. He didn't stay a baby!"
Max doesn't like the insinuation that he's stupid. He doesn't like to be laughed at. But he doesn't know what to say.
His best friend Harry speaks, "No, he didn't stay a baby, but he died . . .just like Casey says we are going to. Is that how we follow Jesus? He died, we are going to die . . .are we going to follow him into death?"
The group surrounding me does not look like a close-knit group. The only thing they have in common is their hurt and their anger. A random observer may think they are like a street gang, ready to close in on me. But I know this is not the case. Past their hard exterior, I see a very scared and concerned group.
507
I find myself getting more intense, "No, we follow Jesus into life! Jesus did not just die. He walked out of death into life . . .something we need to do."
They all begin to feed on each other's wild ideas. They are polite enough to take turns, but they are not really listening to one another. They pick up on key words and phrases, then blurt out whatever crosses their minds:
"I know that! But it was the angel. The angel rolled the stone to the grave away. The angel gave Jesus life."
"Yeah, the angel heard about it ...and with those huge wings, a couple flaps and they can travel halfway across the universe. It happened when my mom died. A huge storm came up. I was scared, but the wind was actually coming from the flapping of the angels' wings. The angel brought my mom back to life, but wanted to keep her safe from my dad, so the angel turned my mom into a Canadian goose, so she would be protected."
I know they are taking each other on a wild goose chase, creating more and more wild ideas. Whether it's magic, wizardry, or reincarnation . . .it's all wrong.
I have to stop this nonsense, but before I can, another prisoner blurts out, "That's right, that's what it means to be born again. My brother died, and he came back as my dog. That's what they mean when they say a dog is man's best friend. Actually, I knew it was my brother . . .I could tell by his eyes."
508
I can't stand it anymore! I interrupt loudly, but not rudely, "Now listen here!"
They return the look, penetrating and challenging, yet surprisingly they do listen as I challenge them in return with my strong conviction, "Prison is a humbling experience. I'm assuming most of you don't like prison. Well, you better be thankful for your time here. The advantage you have here is that you don't have the distractions of the world."
I find myself becoming confrontational, "The only distractions are your own mental illnesses."
Crazy Larry speaks up, "It's not just our mental illness, it's people like him." Larry points out the window. Casey is returning. It is dark outside. Only the path is lit. Casey cuts across the grass. "Your co-worker is evil!"
I feel their frustration, "You're talking about hell and evil. I know you have fears, but how can I tell you the way out ...if the minute I say one thing, you all take over and make up ten or more wild stories. Even the stories that you try to tell that have some truth, may have enough untruth to bring about conflict. That's why you have to stick with the Bible and precisely what it says. Most of the Christians in our country have been given some wrong information, in some form or another. Most of the wrong information is not as significant as all the right information we have ...yet, often the less significant becomes more a part of our belief system. What is rather more important ...is that we believe Jesus gave His life for us."
I want to mention how disturbing I find it that a belief system can be based upon thinking a dog is a brother, or a mom being transformed into a goose. Humor is on my mind, how they are barking up the wrong tree ...and not focusing on the one Jesus died on. And that thinking a mom can turn into a Canadian goose ...is going on a wild goose chase. But, they are way too serious ...and no subject is more serious than this one. I restrain myself from adding humor.
"It is not that important if we understand that the fruit Adam and Eve ate was not an apple; and that the wise men were not at the manger scene. It's important who Jesus is, and what He did for us ...not that Joseph, Mary, and Jesus were not white."
Reggie gets excited, "I knew Jesus was black!"
509
Crazy Larry corrects once again, "No, Jesus was not black or white. He was somewhere in-between. He was Jewish."
I don't want to loose my point, "There's much we don't know. Don't focus on the part we don't know about . . .stick to the parts that are talked about over and over. If you don't understand something then ask someone who you feel does know. Like when they talk about being born again. We are born again in the sense of seeing things in a new light. Each of you, when you were born, were precious and innocent. You still are precious, but you may feel you are no longer innocent, because you've been sentenced to come here. I can't honestly tell you that your judgment from your crime will be served with an apology. But I can tell you that you will be saved from eternal judgment in hell if you accept the path Jesus has made clear for us. Be born again! Be born with no hatred, be born with no anger, be born with no bitterness . . .and accept Jesus, accept His forgiveness, accept His sacrifice."
The group suddenly gets quiet. I wonder to what degree they understand what I'd said. They look at each other.
Max looks at Tennessee Trucker, "I don't want to hear all this! Casey just entered the building. He usually goes to the bathroom for seven minutes, then we're back to the same kind of ridicule and degrading attitude that has driven us down our whole lives. We all know that Trucker could take care of Casey. Or all of us together could take care of him, but we all know what would come of that. They would put us all into lockdown, not worry whether we get fed, and force us to urinate on our floor."
510
Reggie adds, "Some of us would probably end up in the 'hole' and we'd be treated even worse than we're treated here. We don't want to go through that. We want you to take care of it. We don't want to hear about this lowly Jesus. We want you to notify the proper people to get rid of Casey!"
I realize I hadn't gotten through to them, but I'm not through trying. "We live in the United States, and you'd at least think we would be united enough to be able to rid ourselves of all injustices. But each night I pray for a small little nation across the ocean . . .the nation of Israel. I have a heart for what all of you are saying, but that little nation has been through more persecution than any other people. They are God's people. God's people are not just Christians . . .we Christians become God's people. Israel always has been. They were looking for God to rescue them from all their torment, so God sent His Son. I won't pretend to know all the reasons why the various people rejected Jesus, but I'd guess that some of the reasons were similar to some of the reasons why each of you may be rejecting what I've been saying. You want me to get rid of your torment . . .just like the people of Israel wanted God to get rid of theirs. You don't want me to suggest that you tolerate Casey, as a concession to not make it worse for yourselves. And even more, how would you feel if I were to recommend that you pray for Casey? The Bible says that we should bless them that curse you, and pray for them that despitefully use you."
I suddenly feel I've really lost them with that.
Trucker begins to talk. He seldom ever talks, unless it's before he does something. "You mean that Jesus is God's Son?"
511
I was so into explaining, I didn't even acknowledge Trucker's question. It was as if I were speaking to myself, for myself. I was forgetting who I was speaking to, and the purpose for it.
I speak as if I'm on the campaign trail, speaking for my benefit, instead of God's purpose, "Just like you are tired of Casey's rule, I can see why the people of Israel were tired of the Roman rule during the time of Jesus. When they were told a Savior had been born, it may have generated both excitement and disbelief. Most of them believed somewhat in their history. They clung onto the wonderful stories of how they were taken out of the bondage of Egypt through Moses, God's chosen instrument of deliverance. But as we soon read on, they were not satisfied nor content. Do you know why? Because they hadn't been delivered inside. That's the deliverance God provides us . . .that Jesus taught."
Trucker repeats, "You mean that Jesus is really God's Son?"
Max adds, "And Mary is the mother of Jesus, so does that make Mary and God, wife and husband?"
Crazy Larry is always poised to correct, "No, Joseph and Mary were husband and wife."
Reggie adds, "Wasn't God's mom's name Mary too? Isn't that why we pray to her?"
Crazy Larry corrects, "No, Jesus didn't ask us to pray to his mom or Himself, but to the Father."
Reggie concludes, "Oh, so we are to pray to Joseph?"
512
Suddenly, it gets quiet. Trucker looks angry and speaks angrier yet, "Stop it! You're confusing me! You're all adding so much. We are mentally ill. If we want to know anything, we have to shut up, and listen. So stop adding things and stop talking away like we can't read the Bible for ourselves."
I messed up so much with my attempt to witness. Trucker appeared to be the one who got their attention. It is not only those whom we label as the mentally ill who can get it all messed up . . .we all can. The Bible is truth. If we imagine beyond the truth, then what do we expect other than something beyond true ----which is by definition, untrue.
Yes, I was the main one who learned something today. I need to stay simple and central to the point. God's Word, the Bible, is available in many languages ...but, mostly to those who speak English, and especially available in the United States. Shouldn't the Bible be our focus? And that reminds me of what I've been back and forth contemplating for some time now. The story, 'The Essence', has to go. I'll take care of it when I get home. It will just cause more wild confusion.
Amongst the confusion, the question returns. How did I get to this point in the first place?
Let's go back to the beginning.
Suddenly, it is as if someone releases the pause button.
"In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, "Let there be light: and there was light."
513
Yes, thank God for the Light!
I am on the path Jesus has illuminated for me.
I just don't know what part of the journey I am presently on. That sudden light I am traveling towards ---is it the eternal light of Jesus, or is it the light of Jesus reflected in my wife and children's eyes?
The darkness ---it is back at the prison. I had extinguished the flame, but must have been overcome by the fumes. Then the light ---the blinding light of the salty water about to engulf me. Every pore of my body goes from being saturated to being parched as I vomit upon burning sands.
Suddenly the earth shakes. Unintelligible voices of panic fill the air. Swallowed up in the confusion, unknowingly, groups of people begin to respond. Has the earth divided as a result of the earthquake? No, they once again come together ---having had long ago been divided. They are confounded. They don't understand. They will follow their own crazy ideas. They will choose their own, so called, enlightened ones. Yet I choose to live on with the truth that I know ---the truth that I pray others will know.
I live on, year after year, my wife and children growing older as I grow old ---but I am far from touching the light of their eyes. Without them I find little meaning in life. I pray to God ---oh, how I had neglected to pray to God. But now, I pray unceasingly. I even pray for all the crazy Larrys out there, and the so-called enlightened ones. After all, they are grossly misled …and merely ignorant of the truth. Only by the grace of God, go I.
I pray to God …and sing praises to Him.
514
But no more! Something has ceased my singing.
I've fallen into darkness ---not eternal darkness, but I've lost the light of my wife and children's eyes. I know the light has not forsaken me though. It will never leave me. It is a promise I cling to.
The shift between light and darkness is not a welcome change. Now, back in darkness, I long for the return of the light. The moments without light do not provide comfort. I long for the light to return.
Suddenly, I see the paths clearly. I am drawn towards both directions, but I stand motionless. I am not certain which to choose, nor whether it will be mine to choose.
One choice is towards eternal light. The destination is pleasant …with no pain, no suffering, and no tears or crying. I feel no pain going in this direction.
The other path is not easy. Absorbed within the intense light of the path to eternal life, it is impossible to even see the other light. But I know it's there. The light that has been placed within me shines brightly from within my heart. It's been placed within me by the light of eternal life. It defines my faith, hope, and love …knowing what is there, even though I can't see it.
I can feel that sense of need …a need greater than my own.
The smiles are not as they once were. I cannot see the light of their eyes, but I know that light is there. They are far away and it is dark, but faith allows me to walk through darkness, knowing the light that exists.
The eternal light is permitting me to return …to go back, with the promise that the path of eternal light is my final destination path …and I look forward to one day traveling it. But for now, I shall return to help comfort the tears, the hurts, and the confusion.
515
I hesitate! The smiles are perhaps …no longer smiles? But they have their Mom …to comfort them …and to help them smile. She will certainly point them to the joy, to the joy Giver, the joy of God's love, through His Son Jesus.
Yes, they have a Mom who will do it all …but she shouldn't have to!! She shouldn't have to do it all by herself! I joined together with her …and I am her partner. I haven't always acted like one, but I love her, and I know without a doubt that she loves me.
As her partner, I can feel the pain. A certain pain rests within her that is inconsolable. And I know she hurts as much as I do. I must return back to her side.
Yes, I can now see the light of her eyes ---the children's too …oh, so much more potential light. I love them all …oh, so very much. And the children miss their Dad too. I will fight through the pain. The suffering, no matter how intense it proves to be …will be worth it.
Shannon watches as Dad fights on. It brings horrible chills down her spine. It's like a crime being committed, so terrifying that one can barely stand to witness it.
It doesn't seem fair. Yes, it could be perceived as just another in a long list of horrible daily injustices. A simple summation would reason that this is common for a world in sin.
She feels the panic of the world, all wrapped up in her Dad's shrieks of terror. Yet, though sin surrounds us, it does not have to reside within us. She is thankful for all the prayers. Dad's struggle thus far has not been as intense as old Chief's. But, for Shannon, it is much worse. After all, it is her Dad ---and the pain of watching him suffer is near unbearable.
516
XXXIII
Maggie enters the room where Shannon is sitting with Dad, "Shannon, Rebekkah just called to say your Mom will not be able to make it. She'll be okay, but she's in the hospital right now. She injured her back to the point where the Doctors want her to be bedridden for a while. And it's probably best no one comes to the island right now. If your Dad makes it through, they'll want to keep him quarantined until they can run some more tests. And we're running low on the medicine to combat this disease. It might be a couple weeks before we can get more in."
************
Rebekkah hadn't mentioned anything about Fernye's passing. But the mention of the words, Dad and Shannon, left Josiah and Samuel staring at Rebekkah as they'd coincidentally entered the room at that very moment.
As soon as she'd hung up the phone, Rebekkah had departed. Cindy feels lousy. The feeling goes way beyond her back pain, to where it really hurts. Josiah and Samuel stand silently for a moment. They are looking to her for an explanation. They don't even know quite what to ask, but Cindy is certain she has to say something. She is not going to openly hide the truth.
Cindy tries to explain it, but it's difficult. Even knowing the truth, it's difficult for her to still comprehend that Stephen is still alive.
She knows she has to share it with them. So as difficult as it is, she tells them that their Dad is very sick, and the chances are against him pulling through.
Cindy is relieved that Josiah and Samuel make it easy on her. Though why would she think otherwise? All this stress is adding more unnecessary stress. Josiah and Samuel understand the need for the quarantine. Besides, as much as they'd want to be by Shannon's side to support her at this time, they feel they should be at Mom's side to help her …and also comfort her in her time of mourning at Fernye's passing. They will support Shannon and Dad with their prayers.
517
Cindy has the strength to beg for more of their understanding. She is still struggling with full disclosure. She asks them not to tell Leah about all this, rationalizing that if their Dad doesn't make it through and survive, she doesn't want to sour Leah's wedding plans. And if he does make it through, he can just surprise Leah and be honored by giving her away at the altar.
Josiah and Samuel are so overwhelmed by the news, they don't know how to react. Josiah feels he never really knew Dad. He was so young when Dad disappeared. And Samuel had never even met Dad. They both loved Dad on video, but that was different. Now their hope is that they soon meet him face-to-face. It is what they want, yet it will be awkward, after all these years. They can't imagine what Mom is going through right now.
********
It is Leah's last evening at the abstinence conference in Grand Rapids. Several churches in the area are participating. They send two buses ---one for the girls and one for the boys. They are of high school age, or single adults. The entire theme is to stress honor and respect in relation to relationships inside and outside of marriage. But the central point is that certain things are only proper within the marriage relationship. The precious emotions of each young person needs to be acknowledged, but they also need to learn that they need not be controlled by emotions alone, but by abstaining from the things that lead the emotions into actions.
Leah understands this. But she doesn't understand the inconsistency she feels exists at the conference. She also doesn't understand why she seems to be the only one who feels this way. Why are they holding a dance for the final evening of the abstinence conference?
Stan leads Leah to the dance floor, "Loosen up a little. Why are you so tense? This is just a prelude to our wedding night."
Leah doesn't like this. The whole focus of the abstinence conference seems to be lost, as far as she is concerned. She looks about her. The look in everyone's eyes scares her. She looks into Stan's eyes, "We aren't having dancing at our wedding."
Stan's eyes are different than the others. His eyes are soft and loving, "I know, but it feels good to dream."
518
******************
At their wedding, Leah dances with Stan. She had conceded to having music and dancing at their wedding. Contemporary Christian music is loudly playing. At the sound of a bell, each young man breaks from his partner and switches to the nearest young lady for his new partner.
Leah recognizes her new partner. It is John Elefante, "I am supposed to give you a message, Leah."
John twirls Leah. The music blasts, "This is what love is ...this is what love is."
The bell rings again. A new partner steps in …Dad? Leah feels really awkward. She is no longer thinking of Stan. She no longer desires that kind of relationship. She is so happy to have her Dad back, she isn't even interested in being married to Stan. But it's too late. This is her wedding. Pastor Tom had already pronounced them husband and wife.
Leah sits up in bed. It was just a dream.
But it was not just a dream. It was odd and rather frightening. Where did that all come from?
She looks around her. She is thankful the other girls are all asleep on their cots. It would be rather embarrassing the way she'd leaped up in bed. Leah still wonders about the strange dream. She feels no ambivalence about marrying Stan. She loves Stan more than she can imagine. And she is very relaxed about the idea of marrying him.
Leah tries to imagine what, if anything, this dream could mean. Sometimes a dream seems to be a product of our fears, sometimes a dream allows us to realize something, and sometimes a dream doesn't seem to have any meaning other than to confuse.
Leah allows this moment, while everyone else is asleep, for quiet reflection and prayer.
At such a pivotal point in her life, she realizes a thing about love. There are many kinds of love. And no one on earth would love her more than Mom …or more than Dad had, for that matter. That kind of love is sacrificial. But what is most significantly relevant is that many loved ones are all praying for her …praying to the One who knows all about sacrificial love. And Leah has always trusted their love and guidance …and she trusts the One who sent His Son to sacrificially provide a way for us.
This love is a simple, yet deep love. All that is necessary is to accept it …and this defines faith. And with the kind of love faith provides, Leah and Stan will hold hands in mutual love and faith as they proceed up the aisle to get married.
Leah relaxes back to sleep.
519
**********************************
Leah will be returning from the conference in time for Fernye's funeral, something Cindy had chosen not to tell her about until she returns. Leah will be returning today. Today is still young ...it is 3:00 a.m., and Cindy has been unable to sleep. She cannot relax. She is in quite a bit of physical pain, but that is not why.
Cindy cannot relax with the idea of Stephen returning. It's been so long since Stephen had disappeared. And it seems so distant now, it doesn't seem possible that he'd be entering their lives again.
Her thoughts race ahead of her. First she has to plan the funeral for Fernye. That will be difficult ---though her Dad will help. He always makes things easier, but the difficult thing will be the sorting out of her emotions. Oh, does she ever miss Fernye! But does she miss Stephen too? It frightens her ---the fact that the thought even comes up in the first place.
But she can't beat herself up because thoughts enter in with her many mixed-up emotions. Often emotions return right back to where they were …when the last encounter was. And there were so many encounters …so many confrontations. Those life events weren't any one person's fault, but the guilt still lingers. It's like that in war too …with the husband missing in action. The very nature of war can tear a family apart by the mere fact that the family is no longer one complete unit. Stresses enter the lives because of that intrusion upon your dreams …and things often don't go well at home. Then when he is classified as missing in action, you worry because you love him …you grieve, you attempt to cope, and eventually you may even accept the fact that he is not alive ---and he is never returning home. You have to cope with that! You have to make life comfortable ---at least do the best you can. And often that best is not the best, but it has become comfortable. To survive through the seemingly inconsolable grief you feel, you disassociate yourself from much of life …and the only way you can cope is through maintaining that disassociation ---even concerning your husband. It's not that way for the strong …but all are not strong.
Cindy tries to remember what Fernye had told her ---something about, when in doubt, let love lead the way. But love isn't leading ---fear is leading the way.
520
**********
For Crazy Larry, the struggle is of an entirely different nature. All of the significant events of his life had flashed through his mind. Now he is resting in darkness.
It is really dark. When people are deprived of light, they strive to maintain sanity. They struggle for hope, for purpose.
The path Crazy Larry is on ---is not a path of light. It is not a path of hope. There is no light on this path. And the only hope is to go back and find the light. But there is no knowledge of it ---no striving towards something that there is no knowledge of. You can't go towards something if you don't know it's there. Unless, of course, someone else guides you.
They continue to pray for guidance. But Shannon prays for ---neither the Chief, nor for Crazy Larry. She prays for neither by that association. She prays for …not so much who he is, but who he could become. And she prays for her Dad. The only thing that Crazy Larry strives for is to save Stephen. He sees the light ---the light of Stephen's eyes. And he goes towards that light. He has to save Stephen. What he doesn't know, is that …the task is already done.
But he doesn't have to know that. God knows. And it is He who does the saving …He who provides the light. That is often not clear to many of us, but it needs to be clear.
**************
Stephen's direction is clear. While on the island, he will keep his mind spiritually and mentally sharp. He will recite aloud the descriptions of our Lord. The Lord, God, who heals, sanctifies, and provides ---our Creator, our all-sufficient, Lord, and Maker ---our loving Shepherd, who sets the standard through peace and righteousness --- the Almighty, all-knowing, ever-present, immutable God.
521
The song of praise rings out in Stephen's head:
El Elyon, El Shaddai,
Jehovah-jireh, Adonai,
Elohim, Jehovah-shammah. El Roi, Jehovah-raah,
Jehovah-saboath-tsidkenu-nissi-shalom,
Loving Lord, thank you …Jesus, prepare for me a home.
**********
Prepare a home for Crazy Larry? There is little doubt that if Crazy Larry survives, he will leave the island a new man. This island, Missionary Island, as most call it, shares the knowledge that lights the path, leading to God's eternal home.
Rebekkah, on the other hand, is trying desperately to find the earthly home ---and family, that would tie together that very complex story that few would be even interested in. But Rebekkah had been at this so long, she doesn't know how not to do it.
Rebekkah gets a call back from the lab. They've made a strange discovery. Two separate tests she'd asked them to run hadn't come up with any conclusive results, other than verifying their own identification. But there was a match from another sample they had on file ---this being the far-reaching benefits of computer technology.
Rebekkah is upset that she had not thought of this before. That old Catholic Church in Old Town, Maine ---she had been there. She'd been so close, but had come up empty-handed. Why hadn't she thought of it? Catholic churches keep some of the best records ---and they never throw them away.
This particular church in Old Town, has a young priest though. And that young priest had throw the old records away. So much for respect of the forefathers of record-keeping. But this young priest did give the name of the old priest, who, in turn, gave the name of one of the old nuns, who loves children so dearly, she'd kept her own records.
522
Rebekkah is not feeling well the day before Fernye's funeral. She'd tried to track down the nun, but was none the wiser. Then finally, she receives word that the nun is vacationing in Israel, participating in a tour with an old friend, Ray Vander Laan.
Rebekkah passes the information along to another friend who will get in touch with the nun. Rebekkah has gathered all the information from the computer file and has everything pieced together, except this one last detail about Crazy Larry. Perhaps the nun can fill her in.
Rebekkah tells her friend, "I need that information. I'm going to get him, even if it's the death of me."
And it nearly is! Rebekkah has a mild heart attack. Then it hits her again ---not another attack, but the continued reminder that what she is doing, what she has been doing all along, what she's been doing for a lifetime ---is all wrong. But she has continually failed to stop herself. Maybe this attack will stop her. She wonders if this is a big enough wake-up call ? No, not really! She just needs a little more time. Then she will stop ---it all!
Rebekkah is told by her physician that she should come in for a check-up, right away ---but she says she needs at least another week and a half. "Ten days …I'll come in for a check-up in ten days."
Meanwhile, she'll put together a video of her will ---just in case.
*************
Crazy Larry obviously has a strong will to live. Ultimately, the final say is not whether others pray for him to live …or not. It will soon become obvious whether God wants him to live for some reason or not. The entire island already knows that God wants us to come to Him with our concerns, so they are very clear on their course …and they continue in prayer.
On Missionary Island, life isn't always easy or pleasant, but everyone there shares in knowledge of what they believe are the two main purposes in life: To come to the acceptance of God, through Jesus, and then to share that personal commitment as a testimony, giving the message of salvation to others.
523
It is not difficult for Larry to see the whole world as condemned, waiting to face eventual judgment. And that makes it even easier to accept the salvation message. Larry has spent his entire life being condemned, culminating in the judgment by the gavel that sent him to prison. He had faced judgment …it had not been rightly considered whether he was innocent or not --- he was doing time. He knows how it would feel if the judgment would be lifted and he'd never have to go to prison again.
Crazy Larry not only knows how he'd feel if someone took up his case and saved him ---from having to do any prison time ever again, he also understands very well how he needs saving from the judgment the world will eventually face.
The message of salvation is received by Larry the second day after he comes out of his coma-like state. And there is much rejoicing throughout the island. Most are rejoicing ---except Shannon. She does not blame him for what had happened to Dad. She prays a prayer of thanks to God for Larry's recovery ---and also for his acceptance of Jesus as his Savior, God's righteousness for our sins. But she cannot rejoice. She has high expectations. Since Dad got his medicine two days after Larry had received his ---Dad should be pulling out of it any time now.
This is a critical time for Shannon. Will Dad pull out of it? She certainly isn't going to leave the room to join the celebrated success of old Chief, Larry ---there is plenty of time to celebrate later. Right now, she wants to be there for …Dad. If he should recover, she wants to be there the very moment he pulls out of it.
Shannon's intentions do not gauge her level of exhaustion. When the body wears down, if we don't take care of it, it takes care of itself. But compared to what Dad is going through, she feels she can at least be able to stay awake. Surely she can endure that!
She is wrong! She collapses in her chair. Sleep will no longer be denied its privilege. It wins over her desire to stay awake. Yet her internal struggle spurs on many dreams ---dreams filled with fear.
Shannon has no idea what may be going through Dad's head. Likewise, she can not sense what is about to go through her own. While awake, we should be able to direct our thoughts and decide which ones to lay claim to. But while asleep, our honest struggles often reveal themselves in one form or another. There is no attempt to hide, yet there is no clear commitment to represent the truth either. Consequently, it may not make any sense at all.
524
It is obvious that Shannon is filled with fear. And what preoccupies her waking hours, now dominates her dreams. Covering the past, present, and future ---fear is multidimensional. Much of the past fear originated when Dad disappeared, carrying on through those many weeks ---to the day the belief of his boating death was revealed. The present fear possesses the most driving force, directing itself away from destination hope. The hope that Dad will survive is combated by the fear of the possibility that he might not.
What about the future? If her greatest fear gets swallowed up within her greatest hope, then hope received, should dispel all fear, right? No, it is not that easy. The future contains its own set of fears. The potential weighs heavy with fear's linking to the past and present. That makes the future the most complex of all. And it involves the fear of rejection.
Shannon's dream carries her to the past. It had been a large gathering for her birthday. She had eaten too much cake and was in the bathroom, near her parent's bedroom. Dad voices his concern to Mom, "I wish Shannon would just call me, Dad. I hear the way she says Josiah Stephen. I see the way she pinches his cheeks and kisses him. If he's so much like me, Josiah Stephen, then how come the bigger version of him is so unhuggable?"
Then Shannon's dream carries her to her favorite short story, the book Dad had given her: The Princess and the Poppy. She and Dad suddenly become the story, as they run down a hillside of delicate orange flowers. It is not the flowers they gather up. They gather each other up in each other's arms.
The past only gives her an overwhelming feeling of regret. But there shall be no future fears. There is no fear of rejection. She had rejected Dad, but she would never have to fear being rejected by him. Dad loves her. And if there be fear of what possible love she may have in return, she can simply dispel that fear by showing her love.
But fear makes its final bid. Up until this point, she has never shown Dad that she loves him. What if he really needs that love ---to help him pull through? What if he needs to know someone is there, to give him hope? What if he is in danger?
Shannon dreams that she falls asleep by Dad's side. She could have asked someone, anyone, to relieve her. Any number of people would've gladly sat by her Dad's side, to help monitor him …if she would have only asked! But she hadn't asked. And now she hadn't endured. She had fallen asleep.
She had let Dad down, when he needs her the most! He is in danger! Shannon snaps out of her sleep ---screaming! She doesn't understand what she sees. Crazy Larry has a razor, and he is at Dad's throat!
525
Crazy Larry puts the razor down, having finished his last stroke in completing the shave. He hadn't quite finished, but he is finished for now, having been startled by having startled Shannon.
Larry explains, "I thought he'd probably look more like your Dad if he had a clean shave."
Shannon notices that Larry is also cleanly shaven. She also notices Maggie. When Maggie found out that Chief was actually Crazy Larry, she didn't know how to act. Crazy Larry had been responsible for saving the life of the man whom she in turn married. Obviously, she knew Larry better than anyone else, but she now realizes how much a mistake it is to risk the trust that others may not share.
Maggie spares both Shannon and Larry of any further awkward introductions or explanations, "Sorry, Shannon …I should have waited until you woke up. I just wanted to surprise you with seeing your Dad the way he used to look. Actually, it seems like that's what helped Larry pull out of it. I had just finished shaving him, and slapped on some aftershave. I don't know if the slapping helped or not, but Larry said he was aware of the overwhelming smell of aftershave. Why don't you try it, Shannon? It can't hurt to try. We can't just sit here and stare at him all day. We've got to try something!"
Larry apologizes, "I'm sorry, Shannon. I should have let Maggie shave him. I didn't mean to scare you. I've done so much damage, I just wanted to do something to help ---but I guess I didn't."
Shannon picks up the aftershave, "It's not your fault. You were just trying to help. I want to thank you. Actually, he does look much better now."
Shannon gently slaps the aftershave on Dad's cheeks, then steps back in anticipation. Several long minutes go by, and to her dismay, nothing happens ---the greatest of hopes, dashed. A tear runs down her cheek, then she half-laughs, "Dad never did like aftershave."
Overcome with emotion, Shannon cries, "I know what you do like." She grabs him by the cheeks, "You are so cute!" She kisses him, then whispers in his ear, "I love you, Poppy."
Her vision floods with tears. She doesn't immediately see what Maggie and Larry see …but she feels it! With her cheek resting against his, her tears streaking both their faces, she isn't sure whether she imagines it or not, but Dad's head seems to turn slightly. Then she feels it ---a kiss on her cheek.
Shannon wipes her tears enough to see what Maggie and Larry are already seeing. Dad's eyes are open, a tear moving down his face ---swallowed up in a wonderful smile.
526
XXXIV
Fernye had prepared her own message that she wanted the preacher to read when she died. This moment had come. It is rather easy to read:
"A funeral is not really about the one who appears to be the center of attention ---that is already a done deal. A funeral is really about all those left living. What are the living going to do with their lives? Okay, so some of you got kind of close to me. Of course, you'll be hurting right now. And I know most of you …you'll do a fine job supporting each other. I have attended so many funerals in my life where there is more concern over how much an imposition into their own life the death has made ...than how really devastating it may be to the one who is truly grieving. I once saw a little girl lose both her parents. Would you believe there was more talk about how difficult it was going to be on the rest of the family, instead of considering what the poor little girl must be going through? Make sure to pause ---give them time to reflect on this one."
The preacher waits until the few chuckles pass throughout the large attending crowd, then he continues: " The only way we can truly look at life is through death. Much of our lives are otherwise rather meaningless and insignificant. We fill our lives up with things that don't really matter. There are few moments in life that we actually get real. The moments in life that I consider significant are moments we have to face grave sickness and disaster, most all moments in the mission field, births, weddings, and funerals. Since this is my funeral, consideration should be taken to honor my requests. I only have two. Actually, I only have one. I should say I only have two expectations at my funeral. The first thing I expect is that people will cry. I don't have to request it …I already know the ones who truly love me. And I am thankful that there are many of you. The second thing I expect, is a request I have. I expect the truth to be told. Not the truth about me …I don't want one single thing mentioned about me. Where I'm going, it's not about me. It's the truth about Jesus that I want to be told at my funeral. And I want it to be told over and over. Then if you still want to talk about something, talk about the most wonderful things in life. Talk about births, and rebirths. And talk about weddings."
527
***************
Leah looks beautiful in her full-length white wedding gown. An old man approaches. He is dressed in the old colonial-style attire …the type you'd expect some of the early statesmen to wear. He even has that presidential hair-do, with the white curls ---like a scroll or old important document draped over his head. And he has a small pair of spectacles, resting halfway down his nose.
The old man approaches Leah and the groom. He takes off the spectacles and rests them on Stan's nose, "Here, I don't want to make a spectacle of myself." The old man takes the scroll off his head, and places it on Stan's head. The old man suddenly doesn't look so old.
It's the father and bride dance. Leah had not been in favor of dancing, but Stan had convinced her otherwise. The only time in her life she had ever enjoyed dancing, was in her Daddy's arms ---that moment, preserved on video, when she was only an infant. That memory served as a source of peace and comfort throughout the years. And it provides that same comfort now, as Dad begins to sing, "This is what love is …oh, this is what love is." He can't sing very good, but it is a comforting voice ---the voice she has always loved. As he sings, he begins to dance with an imaginary partner, one hand up and the other delicately to the side. Slowly, Leah steps forward. She times it perfect, stepping within the place of the imaginary partner, gently clasping Dad's hand. This is a delightful dance. Dad is choked with tears. He continues to dance, but cannot finish singing the song. The song must finish itself.
Before the song finishes, Stan cuts back in.
Leah smiles, "Who are you?"
Stan laughs. He is used to Leah's kidding. He holds Leah at arm's length and smiles, "I know I haven't properly introduced myself. That will have to wait until after the reception."
Leah screams, "I want my Dad!!"
Josiah leaps out of bed and hurries to her side, "It's okay Leah …it's okay! We're getting our Dad back …he's really coming home! That is not just a dream ...he's really coming home!"
Leah reassures Josiah that she'll be okay ---as he reassures Samuel and Mom, who stand at the door as he is about to return to bed.
528
Leah hugs her pillow and closes her eyes. Upon returning home from the conference, she'd been told that Dad is alive. It is so difficult to sort out all the emotions concerning that. But what she does not quite understand is why she had a dream about Dad the night before, not knowing anything about him being alive.
What is this inner conflict between Dad, and being married to Stan? Dad will certainly be in favor of her and Stan getting married, so what is it? Why the confusing dreams?
Maybe she just has to reconcile it. She is yet to see Dad ...that's what the problem is. Once she's reunited with him, everything will be okay …and she will have the faith to move on with Stan.
XXXV
They've already set sail ---to bring Shannon and her Dad back home. She wants the reunion to be a happy one. She doesn't want to get in the way of it. She doesn't want anyone to be bothered over her. But she'll attempt to call Murray and Sweeney just one more time. Rebekkah is scheduled to leave within the hour, but she wants to make this phone call first ---before she leaves.
******************
Meanwhile, though at home, Cindy is still bedridden. She is exhausted, but being confined to a bed does not prevent her from talking with her husband for the first time in seventeen years. Though much of the conversation over the phone is not conversation …it is filled with crying.
529
Between the crying, they do manage to tell each other how much they miss each other …and love each other. Then they resort to crying again.
This pattern repeats itself over the first hour. Then the explanations begin. And one of the things explained is that Fernye had passed away. Stephen is not shocked by that news. Fernye had lived way beyond everyone's expectations. Shannon is the one that takes the news hard. She's the one who was always real close to Grandma.
The news that Stephen takes hard, is about his Mom. Shannon is glad she was not the one passing that news on. Cindy sheds many more tears, telling about how his Mom's health began failing not that long after his disappearance …and how she just became weaker and weaker. This rips at Stephen's heart. He wraps his arms around Shannon. They cry together. They will be able to grieve together, and get much of the grieving aside by the time they are to arrive home. Then it can be solely a joyous reunion …a celebration.
Shannon and Dad are in each other's arms much of the trip back to the United States. They are scheduled to arrive in the state of Washington in a couple days.
**********
Rebekkah also has a trip ---that she can't refuse. She isn't looking forward to the trip, but it's one she must take. It's not the hospital visit on her mind. Her final destination will most likely come first. She's only nervous about how her last moments here on earth will play out. Four people she trusts, will carry out her plans. They just have to!
But maybe she should have one more. Yes, she will make the call. It has been way too long, but he is the man for the job.
She makes the call …but he doesn't answer. She'll have to leave a message, giving detailed directions …no, a message is too risky.
She will call one of the others. They will know what to tell him.
She makes the call ....and she is a bit relieved. She trusts they will get in touch with him. And she has to have confidence that they will do well.
These thoughts carry more confidence than those that follow her to the hospital.
530
******************
Meanwhile, Cindy gains some of her strength back, not in her back, but in her endurance to stay awake. And that means she and Stephen have more time to share on the phone.
Stephen is filled with questions, over the phone, "So, tell me more about Josiah. I know you've said that he's been taking care of you."
Cindy lovingly holds the phone up to her ear, in spite of the pain she is feeling, "Josiah is a wonderful young man. I know I've told you that over and over …but you'll just have to wait to meet him. Words can't describe how wonderful he is. He's also finishing up a surprise I have for you. It would be finished by now, but, of course, all this that happened to me …kind of rearranged things. And if I could get out of this bed, I'd be there with you right now, quarantine or no quarantine."
"I'd ask you what the surprise is, but it wouldn't be a surprise then, would it?"
Cindy laughs, "You know, I really enjoy talking with you. Do you know that we've probably talked more these past couple days ---more than we probably did for most of the combined years of our marriage? And I am so sorry for that. I know that was my fault. I was always so busy with my activities. I wish I could have slowed down back then. But I've quit all that running around mentality ---I don't really know why this has happened to my back now. I don't really need this messed up back at this time."
Stephen tries not to laugh, "Are you trying to say there was a time when you did need a bad back?"
Cindy tries not to laugh, because it hurts her back, "You know, it's a figure of speech. I guess I was alluding to the fact that if I'd gone through this when we were first married, maybe it would have slowed me down a bit. Okay, …maybe not."
Stephen focuses on his own shortcomings, "I was way too tense back then. I should have been praying more for our family and working on me, instead of trying to change everyone else. But God gave me lots of time to work on that. I sure did a lot of praying over these past seventeen years."
531
Leah and Josiah had left early in the morning. They are going to meet Dad in a couple hours when he arrives in the state of Washington. They want to surprise their Dad.
Stephen had talked to both Leah and Josiah briefly the day before, but he hadn't asked Leah how her conference had gone. He asks Cindy at this time, "How was Leah's conference?"
"It was real good. It's important to have conferences like that. Seems most of the country no longer views abstinence as a virtue. Most follow the Essence, and have lost most of the standards we adhere to. Only those who still believe in Jesus, claim the full Bible standards. But, in my opinion, even they are showing signs of compromise."
"You know, Cindy, you have a lot of good ideas. I think you have an interesting and clear way of looking at things. Did you ever consider writing down your thoughts?"
XXXVI
It is foggy. We had been at sea for so many days, we don't know if what we see, is actually what we see. The fog just adds to the shadowy mystery.
The fog feels good, breathing in this eager adventure. We are told that we are nearing the State of Washington. How long have we been staring out into the fog?
The shadow, is it an outline? Yes, an outline of land! Land ho! Suddenly we turn to the left ---and are left speechless. We are all stunned by what captures our eyes to the left. There, drifting in the fog ---it's huge! We are all taken by the immense sight. It seems almost surreal. But none of us are more taken by this than Sweeney.
Sweeney had a prized possession when he was a young boy. It was a ship in a bottle ---the kind of ship that seemed best suited for a bottle, with all your dreams bottled up inside there. Then one day he dropped the bottle. He didn't totally smash his dreams, but it didn't quite seem the same after that.
532
Sure, he'd play like kids will play. Once he and his brother, Murray, found an old abandoned shell of a meager rowboat. They found an old crooked stick, just long enough to use as the mast, and mom was missing some sheets off the bed for awhile. When they confessed they had them, she told them to keep the sheets, she'd never be able to get them clean. They had loads of fun. But never did it come close to their real dream. Soon the dream began to fade. Sweeney had tried to keep his dream in his mind, but after so long, he had begun to forget it. No experience had ever gotten close to his dream ---until now. And this surpasses it!
Sweeney has goose-bumps up and down his spine. His dream had been bottled up, never to venture out. With respect of the sea, he had not abandoned his work ---though he'd abandoned his dream. He closes his eyes, then opens them again. This is five times bigger than real life. It's unbelievable!
They are all awestruck! It's kind of scary ---something that big, suddenly coming upon them from seemingly nowhere. Everyone gasps, trying to catch their breath. As they steer frighteningly close to it, Sweeney is the first to regain his breath. He hollers out, "Who owns your ship?"
An answer penetrates the fog, "Rebekkah Lessert. But this one is for a man named Murray."
Sweeney hugs his brother with wild excitement. But a lump enters his throat. This is a magnificent dream, whoever owns it. But oh, to own such a dream. He recalls her promise to get them both a ship. But he also recalls her tendency to get upset with him. Murray and Rebekkah always seem to get along, but there is something about her and Sweeney. They always seem to have a personality conflict. Maybe she'll just give him a ship in a bottle ---as a lesson to him.
The voice penetrates the fog once more, "There's one just like this one, sitting in a harbor in Maine. I was asked to take a man named Sweeney there."
Shannon exclaims, "What a dreamboat!"
Sweeney can hardly contain himself, "An 1850 Clipper ship!!"
They shore up their emotions as they go ashore. The fog has begun to lift and the day's sun glistens across the water like a sea of sparkling diamonds. Each of them seem to have their own personal journey they will be taking from this point. But first they will get themselves a good meal, and a good night's rest before saying their farewells.
533
A huge buffet luncheon is set up at the Hampton Inn where they will be staying overnight. But Sweeney doesn't join them. Something isn't right. They should be here by now. He makes a couple phone calls. Well, at least they are okay. They had a little car trouble, but they'd be arriving just about sunset ---if nothing else goes wrong.
That said and done, Sweeney then busies himself with solidifying his connections with the gentleman who is to take him to his ship in Maine. They should both be flying out just before noon tomorrow.
The day seems to go quickly. Evening is approaching and Murray is set to say goodbye. He is also eager to get aboard his new ship. They all gather around for a joyous farewell to Murray. The majestic sails gather in all of a soft evening breeze. As the glistening waters lose their sparkle, fading into a soft hue, the billowing sails provide a tapestry for the most beautiful of sunsets.
They are so captivated by this breathtaking view, they don't even see that their party has increased by three. Stephen still doesn't see them among the crowd, but what he can see ---he can't believe it! It looks exactly like his 1990 Transport.
Stephen gets a tear in his eye. This must be a surprise from Cindy. She must have had it restored. They say everything now operates on hydrogen fuel cells. He had known they were experimenting with those alternate fuels ---that was no surprise. But the 1990 Transport is a surprise! It is more than nostalgic. It shows, even more, that Cindy had savored these moments shared with her husband ---even the once undesirable ones.
Stephen looks around. There are two people standing there, conspicuously so ---a young man and a young woman. He doesn't recognize them, but he feels he knows who they are.
Shannon sees that Dad has located her brother and sister, "Go ahead, Dad! Don't you recognize Leah and Josiah?"
Stephen rushes forward, but isn't as steady as he thought he was. After the first three strides, he begins to fall, but is caught by Leah and Josiah, who continue to support him for a long time with their hugs.
534
Stephen understands the quarantine and the final tests they had wanted to do on the boat, but now that he has a clean bill of health, why can't he just fly back? It seems unreasonable not to fly the rest of the way. He can't wait to see Cindy!
He is so eager to get back home, he can't believe that they couldn't get an airline to take him back. Don't they trust that the quarantine is over? And what about Rebekkah's private jet? Is her jet not in service? He tries not to think about it any more. The old way was trying to find its way back, but Stephen wouldn't let it. He chooses not to say anything. The arrangements had been made, and for whatever reason they were made this way, he'd just accept it. No sense upsetting anyone.
At the last minute, Stan had volunteered his chauffeuring services. He said that Leah and Josiah should have their rest, so they can visit with their Dad on the way back home. And if not readily accepting that he'd be a good addition to the family, at least it could be seen that he's a good driver.
**********
Early the next morning, they are ready for the Transport to transport them back home. Shannon offers a suggestion to Dad, "How about Leah and Josiah sit on either side of you in the middle seat, so you can talk."
Stan overhears Shannon's suggestion and offers, "Will you then honor me by sitting up front?"
Shannon wants to say, "Sure", but she suddenly realizes she has not resolved her feelings towards Stan. She continues to smile, but instead answers, "I'll be up front with you about one thing …I'm really tired, and I hope I'll be able to stretch out across the back two seats. I want to see if I can get some sleep."
As they get on their way, Dad requests, "So, Leah, tell me about this young man, our chauffeur, that you are about to marry."
535
For the next hour, Leah talks about all the wonderful things about Stan. First of all, Dad hears all about the negotiated establishment of peace in the Middle East. He comments, "Stan, you are a remarkable young man! By the way, how is the peace process going?"
Stan explains, "Well, I know peace doesn't last forever. It seems that good feelings pass more quickly than bad. So to maintain their initial level of enthusiasm we've hired movie producer and director, Cecil B. DePasco. Each year he does a very intense personal piece …a documentary on each of their lives. Each group so looks forward to this moment, they put all their effort into attempting to present their views and beliefs for the world to see. Of course, each group has a different way they'd like history to be written …which places them in a more favorable light. And the truth seems to always exist somewhere in between all the different versions. But much is accomplished towards peace if we just sit down and talk …each taking a turn to express how we feel."
Stephen remarks, "You are really remarkable, Stan! As our chauffeur, you also have much to show for ...as good qualities for a son-in-law."
Stan also relays some stories, which hold curious similarities to things Stephen had done, which the children must've shared with Stan. Stephen is so consumed by the fact that Leah is about to get married, and his desire to get to know this young man …that he shamefully engages Stan in most of the conversation. Though he has an arm around both Leah and Josiah, and continues to smile at them …he's talked very little with his own son.
Stephen addresses Stan one more time, "The way I hear Leah speak, I am hearing the language of love. It will certainly be my honor to have you join the family, Stan."
As Stephen turns his attention to Josiah, Stan looks in the rearview mirror. Stan's eyes meet Shannon's ---and he winks. Shannon slumps in her seat and closes her eyes, pretending to sleep. What else can she do? She realizes she hasn't resolved her own feelings towards Stan. And what was that wink about? Perhaps Stan hasn't really dealt with his feelings towards her either ...but that better not be the case. She doesn't even want to think about it. She will keep her eyes closed.
An early July wedding, is just around the corner. Suddenly, time gathers together with definition and meaning. Once again there will be months and seasons. But unlike before, each day will be filled with more than just looking forward to each day. Just a short while ago those days were filled with remembering, hoping, and praying …all good things, but there had been nothing else to fill the day. But now, memories can once again be experienced. And they can rejoice …together.
536
That in itself brings meaning to the days ...spending time together. Birthdays are important ---and of course, their Anniversary. Stephen had memorized names of people and events ---any information that would keep his mind sharp.
Shannon reminds Dad of one date, soon to come up, that is important to her, "Father's Day is only a couple days away," Shannon informs him. She throws her arms around him, "I'm the happiest girl in the world right now …I have my Poppy back!"
Shannon crawls back into the backseat of the van. Leah and Josiah snuggle into their seats next to Dad. They had a long enough stretch. A little rest from driving for Stan ...and a bite to eat for everyone was a good idea, but now they will be on their way again.
Stan announces, "Are we ready?"
Shannon calls Mom on the cell phone. She misses Mom. She knows Dad does too. She hands Dad the cell phone. Dad talks a long time to Mom. Then he begins announcing over the phone each milestone they pass.
Cindy laughs, "I know we have lots to talk about, but when you begin announcing every mile marker, I know you are getting tired. But that's okay. From now on, I'm going to go every mile with you. But for now, I'm getting really exhausted too. I think we could both stand a little rest. How about we declare this official nap time?"
Dad announces, "Mom says it's official nap time for everyone!"
Stan smiles, "Is that so!"
Everyone laughs along with Dad, "Okay, Stan, I guess we can make an exception for you. Maybe it's best you stay awake."
Much distance is traveled while they are asleep. They seem to wake up all about the same time. Only Stan has an idea where they are at. He smiles, waiting for the first one to notice. Suddenly Shannon throws her arms into the air, shouting, "We're in Michigan!"
Stephen remains quiet ---a happy quiet. He tries to stay awake, but keeps dozing off. Then he falls right to sleep again, and begins to dream.
Shannon, Leah, and Josiah can't sleep. They are too eager to see how Dad responds. They had kept the walled community a secret. It is to be a surprise ---another extension of affections to Dad's dreams.
As they near their destination, they notice that Dad is awake, and is beginning to look around a little more, recognizing the scenery. Metamora is an area that hasn't changed much over the years ---except for the walled community.
537
Dad asks, "Isn't this Metamora?"
Dad's eyes are filled with wonder and amazement. He doesn't know quite what to think of what lies before him. Then as they enter the walled community, a couple tears travel down his face.
All those years he had prayed, and hoped …and waited. In hopeful anticipation he dreamed of being reunited with his family one day. And at the same time, through all those long years, though perhaps believing he was no longer living, they were living out his memories …and dreams.
The tears flow. It is not only a dream, but also the property of his Mom. He reaches out, putting an arm around both Leah and Josiah, pulling them to him, resting their heads against his chest. His tears fall upon them. He is about to see Cindy again ---after all these years.
**********
Cindy has Merrie Isaac braid her beautiful long hair, just the way Stephen likes it. And she also puts on the dress that she had only worn one time before. It is the dress Fernye and Stephen's Mom, Ruth, had made for her. It's the dress she'd put on over seventeen years ago ---the one she'd worn for that special surprise occasion ---that disappointed her so, when he hadn't noticed.
Yes, she recalls that time she wanted to break the news to him ---the news he still does not know about.
Cindy chuckles to herself. It was also the time Stephen had shaved half his face to make a point. The fact was …that she seldom noticed him either.
As Cindy stitches a last stitch on the quilt she'd been rushing to finish, she closes her eyes. These small stitches are a strain on her eyes, but each stitch is like an important thread in her life.
Cindy hears a small amount of commotion. She doesn't know whether she has fallen asleep, or is about to. But now she is wide awake. She recognizes Shannon's whisper …and quickly puts the quilt beside the sofa.
As Stephen steps into the room, it's like a moment frozen in time. He gazes lovingly into her eyes from a distance. She returns the loving glance. He knows she is unable to move about with her present back condition, but she touches him with her eyes, and her heart ---her husband is back!
538
Stephen kneels in front of Cindy and kisses her hand, bathing it in his tears. He can't find the words, or if he could, he can't speak them. She understands …no words are necessary. The same unspoken love overwhelms her with tears. He sits beside her, gently moving close, kissing her again …and again. Face-to-face, he rests his head against the back of the sofa, and looks lovingly into her eyes. He is careful to have consideration for her back, and what pain she may be in. He carefully moves his head closer until he rubs noses with her, before kissing her again.
They manage only a few simple words, "I love you." Then they just look at each other, speaking with the heart what words cannot express. The love speaks for itself …and that is enough.
**********
Stephen is touched by all the loving details that Cindy had preserved in his honor ---the thirty-five year old van, the walled community, and now, in all her beauty ---she is sitting upon the sofa he had knelt beside when he proposed marriage to her.
It had been Cindy's sofa, but became their sofa. Anyone else would have discarded it ---it is truly an eyesore. But talk about a sight for sore eyes ---it is not just a sofa, it contains all past tears. And now it is being drenched in present ones ---tears of gratefulness, falling, yet rising to new heights, in heavenly celebration. But best of all, it contains the one he truly loves ---his wife, Cindy.
Stephen looks up and smiles. Shannon is video-taping the joyous reunion. He laughs through his tears, "Do you remember how I'd get agitated by all the video-taping? Well, I love it now …keep taping, Shannon!"
Cindy smiles, "Your memory hasn't suffered much through all the years."
Stephen chuckles, "The memories kept me alive ---they kept me going. That's all I had! That's what helped me survive …and prayers, of course."
Cindy wipes her tear-ridden face, "I can still remember that last day I saw you leave for work."
Stephen kisses Cindy again, "I can still see your loving face at the window, holding Josiah ---Leah holding Cody Komodo's little hand, making it wave goodbye to me ---and Shannon's toes, with faces drawn on them, also waving goodbye to me."
539
Shannon puts the video-camera down. Josiah and Leah join her as they kneel in front of Dad and Mom, encircling them with one big gentle group hug.
Shannon is so excited to be home again too, thinking of all the things she has missed in just the short time she's been gone ---and wanting Dad to share in everything he has missed all those years he's been gone, "Mom, can I see how you've been doing on your project?"
Cindy agrees, "Sure, I've only got a couple stitches left. Leah and Josiah can hold it up, so you and Dad can see."
They wait to hear what comments will be made. Stephen responds immediately, "That's really beautiful, dear."
Cindy smiles, looking at the children, who join in the excitement of anticipation. Stephen suddenly bursts into a huge smile, "It's all my shirts! The designs are made from material from all my shirts!"
Cindy laughs, "I didn't know if you'd pick up on that one. Did you really miss your shirts that much?"
Stephen leans over to kiss Cindy again, "The one material clued me in. It's the same material as the shirt I wore that last day of work. How did you --- ?"
Shannon laughs, holding back tears, "Everyone thought the shirt was so ugly, but you wanted to show me how much you loved me. You wore the shirt because I bought it for you. And after you disappeared, we came across the same shirt …we just had to get it! It became my favorite shirt. I wore it all the time."
Leah and Josiah turn the quilt around. The other side is a pale blue with only one design in the very center of the quilt.
Shannon raises her eyebrows, this other side proving not to be as tastefully done. The shape looks like a pair of …shorts ? It has to be! It can't be anything else ---bright red, with white hearts?
Cindy blushes slightly, "There's a story behind that!"
Stephen's laugh is soft, mostly dominated by his big grin, "I'm sure there is a behind story that ---I mean, a story behind it."
Cindy blushes more by Stephen's teasing comment, "I got that material out of Fernye's keepsake box. It was with her diary. You'll have to read it sometime."
Shannon adds, "Speaking of reading ---."
540
Cindy acknowledges that it's not quite time yet, "That story plus many more, I was able to obtain through Fernye's diary. She turned over her keepsakes to me last year. She had a feeling this would be her last year with us. Josiah has helped me get some of the things together. He will have to show you later."
Stephen adds, "That's a good idea ---getting together some of Fernye's stories. Few people are as interesting as Fernye was."
Being the oldest child, Shannon provides some leadership, "Come on, Leah and Josiah, let's let Dad and Mom become more acquainted. Josiah, I know you probably want to get some things together at the print room. Leah, how about you join me down at the barn?"
Shannon, Leah, and Josiah depart. Shannon steps back in, just for a moment, "Sorry, I want to get the video-camera. I'm gone now."
Stephen clasps Cindy's hand within his, looking lovingly into her eyes, "I don't know where to begin …I've missed you so much. I wanted to wait until we were alone to tell you this. I know we had a lot of struggles before I disappeared, but I want you to know that I had never stopped loving you in my heart. I definitely decreased my ability to show it, but I never stopped loving you. I'd wanted to change what we had together, and in trying to improve it, I actually made it worse. I should have just prayed about the things that bothered me so much. I don't know what I thought I was trying to do. Did I think I could change things? I see now that God did it without my help. I've painfully realized the error of my ways. I've had seventeen years to think about it. That's a lot of years to live in regret."
Cindy attempts to confess through her tears, "I've also had seventeen years to live out my regrets. But I want you to know that I felt all the prayers. I didn't know many of them were from you ---because I didn't know you were even alive. But now that I know you were there every day, praying for me, I want you to know that it wasn't easy to change. I could have easily gone more in the direction that I had already been going."
There are more tears than words. There is much, much more to be said, but hopefully the separation is behind them, and now they can be together in a way they weren't …even when they were together. Another hour passes.
Cindy has some very important things she has yet to share, "My Doctor said I can try walking on my own in a few days, but I don't ever want to walk on my own again. I don't ever want to be separated from you, not even for a minute. Though I guess I can part with you a few minutes, if you'll gather up our children, so we can eat. Josiah is probably still at the print room. It's attached to the church …you can't miss it. Then he can take you to the barn, where the others should be at."
541
Stephen finds Josiah busy at work in the print room. Josiah stops his work to express a few words, "There were some things I wanted to say to you, but I wanted to wait until we had a moment alone. Growing up without a Dad was not easy, but Mom did the best she could. She's done a wonderful job with us. I can't imagine having a better Mom. But I know you prayed for us every day too, so I want you to know that I know that has been a big part too. I didn't know you were praying, but I'm sure it made a big difference. I want to thank you for that."
Josiah has a book in his hand. As Stephen embraces Josiah in another big hug, he can feel the book press against his back. But mostly he can feel the love shared between a father and a son. He had wondered how easily he'd be able to become a part of Josiah's life, but he can see now that there will be no problem bridging the gap the years had created.
Stephen cries tears of thanksgiving, "Mom was right, you've become a wonderful young man, and I'm so happy God has blessed me with two wonderful daughters ---and a son."
They hug for a moment longer, then Josiah hands Dad the book that had been pressing against his back.
Stephen reads aloud: "The Essence."
Josiah explains, "It's not actually my project. I'm just helping Mom. She says I'm quite good at operating the printing machines."
Tears begins to flow again as Stephen turns the pages. It's the story he had begun before their marriage ---and Cindy had found his notes, and written out the story. Now this, is the most loving gesture of all. Of all the unbelievable things Cindy has done in honor of her husband, this is the greatest.
Josiah adds, "Mom says this is the first part of the story, but it does not end here. It will continue as our lives continue together ---and she is going to continue writing."
Stephen is speechless. He doesn't know what to say. The book also contains stories of each of the children. He turns a few pages … to the Thanksgiving skit. He definitely remembers that one. He reads aloud:
"After the skit, Cindy has me agree not to get the children politically involved …so I begin teaching them the Ten Commandments instead. Leah and Josiah are so close in age, they're always doing things together. Most of the time they are wonderful together. I love to see them play. But as with any children, the process of together can lead into areas which we call growth, if they are willing to accept their differences ---which all children have."
542
Stephen reads what is perceived to have been his motive:
"I wanted to make sure the children understood that Jesus died for our sins …and by understanding His love and forgiveness, we can better conceptualize the forgiveness we are to extend to one another. Josiah asks, "What is sin?" I explain, "Sin is going against God, and going against His provision for us." I know that I'm not speaking entirely at their level, so that's when I decide that I will go through the Ten Commandments with them …covering only one commandment each day. The first three days are spent describing who God is ---recognizing, respecting, and responding. The children seem to understand the fourth commandment quite well. The fifth day I discuss with them what some parents errantly stress as even more important than the first three: Honor Your Parents. I also mention that it works best if Dad and Mom also honor each other. For the sixth day, the question of war comes up, but I try not to get political. That evening I have to work overtime at work …and it feels like a war. I am so worn out, but the children are so enthusiastic, so I begin reading, not knowing what trouble I'm about to get into …until the words leave my lips, "Do Not Commit Adultery". I am so tired, I don't really feel like doing this. Probably wouldn't be any better though, even if I wasn't tired. Maybe it's better that I am tired …I don't really think before I speak. For some strange reason, I take an environmentalist point of view, "Do not come at an adult tree. Remember when we planted that baby apple tree in our front yard, well, now it's an adult tree …and it has apples." Leah asks, "Why is that a sin?" I explain, "Well, God created for us, every good fruit. And we shouldn't just chop it down." Josiah adds, "Like George Washington did with the cherry tree?" "Something like that …we just need to save our trees. And it is fruitless to chop them down. Believe me, if we don't come at adult trees, we save a lot." I end by promising to plant more baby apple trees with them ...some other day."
Before Dad reads too much, Josiah suggests, "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. How about we go down to the barn and get the others? They are beginning to serve at the church cafeteria, where everyone in the walled community eats together, but ours will be brought to the house, since Mom can't get around. Besides, we want you all to ourselves for these first few days."
543
They find Shannon and Leah in a horse pen. Shannon is feeding a baby colt a bottle, "The mother is sick, so we have to bottle feed this one."
Leah adds, " That's why I like the barn. It's so full of the real things in life."
Shannon's face lights up, as it always does telling horse stories, "This colt is sired by Breeze ---just before Rebekkah had Breeze shipped to the islands, this little one was in the making. It's truly remarkable how that happens, isn't it?"
Stephen leans on the fence. Shannon stands up, "Dad, I'd like you to meet the young man whose been taking care of these precious horses while I've been gone."
A young man wearing a captain's hat, steps into view carrying a bail of hay in each hand ---the twine taut between straining fingers at the end of down-stretched arms.
Stephen playfully interrupts, "Now don't tell me …you look to be the age of Dave and Sherry's boy. You must be Jonah Stage."
The young man answers with his back turned, as he carries the bails of hay into an adjacent stall, "No, you've got my age figured fairly well, but Jonah is a year older than me."
Stephen steps over to the stall and leans on the rail, "Okay, now I've got it ...Ray and Claudia Isaac were due to have a child in late fall, of 2008. They didn't know whether they'd have a boy or girl, but you must be that blessed son."
Stephen extends a hand, "Glad to meet you, Sir, I'm Shannon's Dad, Stephen Razohn."
The young man extends his hand and shakes hands, "I'm Samuel Isaac."
Stephen smiles, "Well, I'll have to tell Ray and Claudia what a fine young man they have, next time I see them. Last time I saw your folks, your mom was beginning to show you quite well, at 7 to 8 months. It's a pleasure now, to meet you officially."
Samuel declares, "I don't mean to confuse you, but I'm not Ray and Claudia's son ...my middle name is Isaac, not my last name. But Ray and Claudia did have a boy ---and he is a fine young man, as well as a friend of mine. His name is Aidin Isaac."
Stephen smiles, "This is interesting. Now let me see, if I have your age right, and you're not Ray and Claudia's boy---"
544
Samuel shakes the chaff off his captain's hat and relocates it on his head, with the brim not so close to his eyes this time. He is so filled with emotion, he tries not to tremble with his words, "I'll give you a small hint. I was one of the first to move into the walled community with my Mom. Dad, on the other hand, just recently moved in."
Stephen admits, "Well, that may be a hint, but I'm sorry, I don't have a clue. I don't know of anyone else who was to have a child, so I probably don't know your family. I wasn't even around when this community first opened."
Strangely, Stephen feels drawn to this young man, "Were your parents separated for very long?"
Samuel looks into Stephen's caring eyes, then quickly looks away, "Yes, quite a while."
Stephen senses this young man is still feeling the pain, "I'm sorry to hear that. But it's good they're together again ---you're happy for that, right?"
Samuel looks back into his eyes, "Yes, Mom really loves Dad."
Stephen seems to fall quickly into the mental health routine. It's been years, but he still has it within him. He has a natural caring for people and their situations, "Do you think Dad loves Mom?"
Samuel looks deeper into his eyes, "Yes, I believe so."
Stephen searches further, "Do you love your Dad?"
Samuel glances away temporarily, then looks back, "I've only been able to spend a few minutes with my Dad, but I do believe I love him. I guess I was hesitant because I wasn't sure how he feels about me."
Stephen tries to reassure the young man, "Well, if Mom loves Dad, and you believe Dad truly loves Mom ---then I'm sure he loves you too. And with the kind of special young man I've been talking to for the past few minutes, I can't imagine it would take long. You just have to spend time together. I've been separated from my family for quite some time. We've just recently got back together ---and it was quite easy. But we were separated under different circumstances, so I'm not going to say it's always easy. Some things take time. But time is usually in our favor. Time often allows the best of things to heal."
Samuel looks directly at Stephen, "I'll give it a try. My circumstances aren't really that different from what you described."
Stephen extends his hand again, "Well, my wife is waiting to have dinner with the four of us, so we'd better go. Maybe you and your folks could join us some time."
Samuel shakes his hand, "I'd like that."
545
Stephen smiles, "Good. I'll make a point to look up your folks. Nice meeting you, Samuel."
Stephen turns to leave, then turns back around, "Silly me, I forgot to ask your last name."
Samuel stares ahead with wonder, his eyes growing bigger, "My last name is Razohn ---Samuel Isaac Razohn, Sir ...I mean, Dad."
Stephen is frozen, for only a moment, as he takes in what was just said. Then he rushes forward with open arms, embracing the son he didn't even know existed. Cindy's greatest gesture of all ---her deepest love, proved to be the greatest Father's Day surprise. And she'd chosen the very name he had picked out for Josiah, with the initials, S.I.R. ---Sir.
Stephen continues to embrace Samuel ---and tears are not only spent by him, but by Samuel as well. All that pent-up anticipation, wondering if he'd be accepted as the others were accepted, is now released and able to find a resting place ---a place of security and contentment.
**********
They all arrive back as Merrie Isaac is delivering the meal. Stephen kisses Cindy, then is somewhat successful getting out the words, "That was the best surprise of all ...I love you so much."
Stephen gets choked up in tears. He had cried at funerals, but this is the most he had ever cried in his life ---and they are all tears of joy.
Merrie also directs Shannon's attention to a package that had just arrived. It is from Indonesia. Shannon picks up the small package and reads, "It's from Tevita."
It is addressed to her, so she opens it. Inside the package is Cody Komodo.
546
XXXVII
More tears fall ---but these are not tears of joy. This year the greenest grass will be at Rebekkah's gravesite. An entire community ---and beyond, of all the people who knew her over the years, most will visit her gravesite. No one was more loved than Fernye at the walled community. Tears will continue to be spent for Fernye also. Her gravesite stands as a garden, a floral delight. But for Rebekkah, it will be different …she was different. She hadn't shared her struggles with anyone …she'd downplayed a mild heart attack, and hadn't even mentioned the stroke. She'd pretended to be fine, when she knew she was not. She hadn't even asked for prayer.
For Rebekkah, it will certainly be different ---merely by the fact of the strange nature of people themselves. There's a sort of strange attraction towards the 'Rebekkah-type' ...the closed-up, private, and unrevealing self. The intrigue and wonderment is often towards those who we can't quite figure out. But the fact that probably draws the most people in ---is a sad fact, indeed. Not by her deeds, but by what will be in her deed.
What will be in her deed will be revealed later today, as they leave the cemetery and go to the church within the walled community, where a meal is being prepared. After they eat, they will view a video-tape Rebekkah had prepared, most likely detailing the passing on of her inheritance, her last will and testament.
It will be no secret. The media will be certain to broadcast the news. Everyone will hear of the passing of the most wealthy person in the world. And everyone will be poised to hear who will inherit that wealth.
Everyone will hear how wonderful she was. Everyone will wish they had known her. And everyone who wishes to feel important will visit her gravesite, sometime this summer, crying for someone they never knew. Crying for what they never had ---and crying for what they feel they never will have. The grass will certainly remain green.
Cindy shares in the sadness, yet feels slightly better physically. She has Stephen gently escort her to the gravesite, then assist her into a chair provided for her near the grave. Leah stands beside her and the rest of the family, all in line alongside the casket. Stan stands on the other side of Stephen.
547
Stephen puts a hand on Stan's shoulder, speaking in a low respectful tone, "These are difficult moments ---but I'm looking forward to being a part of a more joyous moment."
Stan realizes this may be the beginning of the 'Big Talk'. He looks into Stephen's eyes and speaks first, "I know it's proper to ask ---so, I'd like to officially ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. I know we've already made plans to marry in a couple weeks, but you weren't around for me to ask. So, I'm asking now."
Stephen looks off in the distance, "You know, I seem to remember a time I did a skit for the children about this very thing."
Stan smiles, "Yes, it rings familiar with me too. Your family has shown me the video-tape of a skit you once did. I've seen it on more than one occasion. You said that no one loves your daughters as much as you do ---except God. But if you're convinced that a person is God's choice, you will allow them to get a ring."
Stephen pats Stan on the back, then drops his hand back to his side. He looks to the crowd around him, gathered around Rebekkah's gravesite, "Yes, God's choice ---and to know it. Many parents take a step of faith along with their children when this choice time arrives. Those children leave two people they know love them for who they are ---for someone who hasn't proven themselves yet. I guess what I'm trying to say …is for you not to value the gift over the Giver. For instance, Shannon has always spoke as if there's no greater gift than a horse, yet she values me more. And I believe that horse will be happier on that island than I ever was."
Stephen smiles, then adds, "Now, I hear a couple years ago you had considered marrying Shannon. Whether it was Shannon then, or Leah now ---my point is the same."
Stan gets an uncomfortable feeling. He interrupts, "I don't know how you mean exactly. I do know you're considering giving Leah to me in marriage ---that's a great gift. But I don't really know you. I'm sorry, but I can't value you over Leah. That seems strange to even ask. I mean no disrespect, Sir, but I've never heard of such a thing."
Stephen feels like he is suddenly the one on the outside …he's the one who has been gone all these years. Leah is probably more comfortable with Stan than she is with her own Dad. And this "Big Talk' idea is perhaps not such a good idea.
548
There is nothing he can probably say to add hope or clarity to their lives anyway. But he has to at least try to fix what he has already said. Stephen breathes deeply, "I didn't mean me ...I mean God, the Giver of life. With those who leave God for something else, that's considered foolishness. But, together if you step out in the faith that God will lead you, I guess that needs no proof. God will do the proof in you. But with you, Stan, I guess you've proven yourself to the entire world, and they all love you ---so, I guess mine doesn't demand as great a faith."
Stephen knows what he's trying to say, even if he isn't able to stumble through it. But of all the things he had thought about on the island, he hadn't rehearsed this one. It's just that …that he was so used to picturing Shannon, Leah, and Josiah …the age they were before he'd disappeared. But he will have to get used to the fact that they're grown now. After all, Cindy certainly had trained them up in the way they should go.
Cindy can't help recall some of her and Stephen's past failures. Her sincere hope is that Leah was too young at the time to be affected. She prays Leah will not repeat some of those same tendencies in her own marriage.
Cindy offers some advice, "Leah, you can make a difference. I hope you don't repeat my failures. Don't busy yourself or let others busy you, for that matter. You have to learn how to manage your time. If you don't, you'll each get frustrated and begin fighting against what God gave you ---each other. You'll become tense and unsatisfied ---arguing all the time. You can drive down even a good man that way. I know I did."
Leah glances over at Dad, who is talking to Stan. Then she turns back her attention to Mom, who has more to say, "Not having enough time is a bad thing. Most people would say you need time away from the children too ---to be by yourself. I believe that too much emphasis can be put on that. A husband and wife should be able to enjoy each other's company with the children present too." Cindy puts an arm around Leah, "And don't make the mistake I did. Most people don't want to admit it, but one of the main culprits can be excessive church activity."
549
As they finish eating, they depart the cafeteria area and seat themselves in the church pews. The crowd of people becomes awkwardly quiet. There are dozens of people who'd never visited the walled community before. The walled community is a unique place, but they're not so much concerned with the community as they're interested in the uniqueness of Rebekkah's wealth.
Some people are surprised, others aren't a bit surprised. She turns over her entire inheritance to George. In the business world, most everyone had, for years, anticipated George would get the inheritance. Within the ranks of the dozen corporate heads, CEOs of businesses that Rebekkah owned, they all saw George as her favorite, not only sharing her business sense, but also her unique philosophies of life.
Lately, much had changed in the corporate world ---but, all the changes only made Rebekkah more dominant. The government intervened and tried to split some of her corporate influence, but they had failed. Also failing though, was George's health. At first he showed the beginning signs of dementia …but it got much worse.
George's failing health brought increased communication by the other corporate heads. They began vying for preferred positions. This shifting of shiftiness was not visible to those in the walled community. Many of them felt Rebekkah would give her inheritance to Stephen and Aleah, the two she'd acted like Grandma to, all these years.
Now, George's health is failing much more quickly. His condition is degenerating, the general diagnosis is Alzheimer's disease. The business world would have a difficult time accepting the fact that the inheritance would be put into George's hands. He certainly couldn't manage it. Then the answer became obvious ...he hadn't been. He had been slowly turning it over into the capable hands of Stan. No one has more proven ability than Stan. And Rebekkah would not just be turning over the inheritance to a stranger ---it would be in the caring and capable hands of a friend. No one was more loved than Stan, in the walled community ---perhaps in the entire world. And no one loved Stan more than Leah. The inheritance was certain to stay within the family.
550
Stan waits until most have departed. Then he leads Leah over to her Dad's side. There is something he feels he needs to tell both Leah and her parents. Stan chooses his words carefully, "That's going to be an exciting trip. Rebekkah had certainly planned well ---with each of you, lovingly in mind."
Stephen speaks not only for himself, but the rest of the family as well, "We aren't going on any trip. We have a wedding to attend in a couple weeks."
Stan hesitates, finding it difficult to form his words, "George is quickly getting worse. I'd find it extremely difficult for me to enjoy the beginnings of my marriage, when I could possibly be losing him. He's been the best dad ---more than I can imagine a dad could ever be. He needs me now. And you've all just lost Fernye ---and now Rebekkah. But beyond that, there is an even more important consideration."
Stan turns most of his attention to Leah, though he is still speaking to the entire family, "Leah, I really feel you need to spend this time with your Dad. He has just found his way back into your life, and you both have so much lost time to make up. I love you so much, Leah ---and I want to marry you soon. I want to spend our lives together. I feel that is the direction our lives are going ---and that is an irreversible direction. I love you now ---and I always will. My love for you grows day by day. And though I know our direction will never change, within our path is a short detour. It has been clearly marked for both of us. You should spend this time with your Dad and I should spend this time with mine. My love for you can only grow stronger. One of the big reasons I love you so much, is the fact that you are always compelled to do what is right. And I'm confident you'll agree that this is the right thing to do. In your heart, I think you know this is the direction to go. So go on the trip that Rebekkah has provided for you and your family. My heart will never leave you. So, go ---and when you get back, we will get married."
Leah is filled with tears. She does not speak.
Stan feels very awkward, not
knowing what Leah is thinking. He doesn't know what else to say, but he feels
compelled to say more, "When difficulty comes our way, it can distract us,
and help us lose our goal, but often times it can help us meet it. I feel the
first step in professing my commitment to you is in taking a step back at this
time ---so you and your family can be available to
one another during this time of grieving. It's not actually a step backward,
but a step forward."
551
Leah hugs Stan, then finally finds the words through her tears, "I know you'd say something like that. Do you know why? Because you have the same love that Dad has. That's why I want to marry you. I love you even more for what you just said. But I have to let you know, it will not be easy. What you are asking of me at this moment, is to do the most difficult thing I've ever done ---to let go. I love you so much …I don't really want to go, but I know you are right. I know I need to go. But I want you to know, the entire time I'll be thinking of you, and looking forward to the day I return."
They hug, then extend their arms, holding each other still, and looking into each other's eyes. Leah's tears sparkle, "In a couple weeks, Dad and I will be walking all overIsrael
Josiah is not insensitive to this, yet he is feeling the sensitivity of his stomach, not his heart. Besides, how long can a hug go on? And he feels the longer it goes on, the more chance it will.
He has a humorous, sort of practical, way about him, "Let's eat ---I'm starved! They can't serve us until we are in flight. And I hear they have an awesome steak and onion sandwich. I don't know why I'm thinking about that, I don't even like onions. I just have this olfactory sensation. I must really be hungry."
Samuel smiles at Josiah and nudges him, "Be more sensitive to what your sister is going through. Think with your heart, not your stomach."
This brings laughter to the group. Stan and Leah break their hug and join in with the laughter, but Leah still holds onto Stan's hands, as she faces him for this difficult farewell. She pulls him towards her one last time ---and kisses him, then quickly departs, boarding the plane as tears streak her face.
Josiah smiles, "I must have been thinking about that restaurant in the airport. When we walked past it, they were chopping the vegetables right there in the corridor as we were passing by. Probably to get us to buy one of their sandwiches. You know, it really works. The onion smell was so strong, it almost made me cry."
Samuel looks over the menu, "I'm going to cry if they don't have my specialty."
Josiah reaches into his carry-on bag of books, pulling out a zip-lock bag with a peanut butter and dill pickle sandwich inside. He hands it to Samuel.
Samuel grins with delight, "You are such a sensitive brother. Never again will I accuse you of being insensitive."
As they enter the clouds, 'cloud nine' seems the most prominent ---the nine of them looking forward to their destination inIsrael
The co-pilot motions to Ken. Ken is really touched that Rebekkah had arranged for him to go along with his daughter and her family. Ken had never been to Israel before. He is very eager to visit the Holy Land.
As Ken leaves his seat and approaches the co-pilot, he sees the concerned look on the co-pilots face. He and the co-pilot talk, then the co-pilot returns to join the pilot. 554
Ken returns to his seat, but remains standing, to get their attention, "Some difficulty has been sighted ---and as always, a precautionary measure takes top priority. Therefore, we are going to have to land prematurely. We are getting clearance to land. The pilot will have to turn the plane around, but we are not that far fromToronto
556
XXXVIII
One of the shipmates is watching the news ---and there is Stan, on the television screen. Leah steps closer to the television ...to see the close-up of Stan and hear what the report says:
"When I returned from bidding farewell to my fiancée at the airport, I returned to find my dad had passed away. Then I find out that the plane my fiancée was on made an emergency landing. The plane exploded, but they can't say whether everyone was able to exit the plane in time. I'm having a hard enough time with dad's passing ---I desperately need to know whether my fiancée and her family are okay. So, Leah, please call me! Or if anyone knows where Leah is, please contact me!"
Leah locates Grandpa immediately and asks to use his cell phone. Ken can see the desperation in his granddaughter's eyes as he hands her the phone.
Stan answers quickly. He was certain Leah would call him right away. Leah gives him reassurance that everyone is okay, then she extends her sympathy to Stan in the loss of his dad. She tells Stan she is going to make arrangements to return home, to be by his side at his dad's funeral.
Ken is talking to Jesse ---when Leah interrupts, "Grandpa, can you tell Stan where exactly it is that we're at. He says he's going to come pick me up. After George's funeral, he said he and I can join the rest of you in Israel."
Jesse grabs the phone instead, "I know exactly where we're at ---I can give him directions."
Jesse walks to the other end of the ship with the cell phone, talking for several minutes. When he returns to Leah, the phone call is ended, "Stan had to go. He has much to do with funeral arrangements. I explained to him that it would take twice as long for him to drive out here and back, so no sense him driving out here when I can drive you back in half the time. But I'd like to first see what I came out here to see. It should take less than an hour."
557
Leah wipes her tears, "I guess, that's reasonable. I'm sure he has much on his mind with George's passing. I wouldn't want him to have to drive all the way out here. Thanks, Jesse."
Jesse hands the phone back to Ken, "Just before Stan hung up with me, he said thanks Ken. This cell phone doesn't give very good reception, but then again, some people just think I sound like you."
Jesse turns to Leah, "Leah, you didn't even mention that the rest of us were here, or that you were on board Sweeney's Clipper ship."
Leah thought it was obvious, "Stan just lost his dad. I wasn't going to mention what fun we were having. And to be honest, I'm not having any fun. But I don't want to ruin it for the rest of you. Let's see if they are ready for the presentation. I don't mean to rush you, but I am eager to get back home."
Sweeney explains that there is a 15-minute movie on the making of the Clipper ship. Then he will proceed with the spectacular event ---the raising of the sails.
Leah is in a daze …thinking only about Stan. She is paying no attention to the movie about the Clipper ship ---until five minutes into the movie. That's when Rebekkah comes on, over the screen. That grabs Leah's attention.
Rebekkah's taped words are rather haunting, "You've all had the opportunity to see the first version of my last will and testament. Now, I'd like you to view another version. The last time I talked with you, I merely explained the dispensing of my fortune. That will not change. But now, I will further detail the 'why' aspect of my decision. George, I know you are deteriorating quickly. And you probably won't even understand ...... "
558
551
Leah hugs Stan, then finally finds the words through her tears, "I know you'd say something like that. Do you know why? Because you have the same love that Dad has. That's why I want to marry you. I love you even more for what you just said. But I have to let you know, it will not be easy. What you are asking of me at this moment, is to do the most difficult thing I've ever done ---to let go. I love you so much …I don't really want to go, but I know you are right. I know I need to go. But I want you to know, the entire time I'll be thinking of you, and looking forward to the day I return."
They hug, then extend their arms, holding each other still, and looking into each other's eyes. Leah's tears sparkle, "In a couple weeks, Dad and I will be walking all over
**************
Stan wants to be there for the farewell when Leah boards the
plane, but that won't be for several hours yet. He should have enough time to
visit George first.
They had just finished eating. They are seated in a room adjacent
to the dining room. Soft piano music provides an atmosphere of quiet
relaxation. As the music ends, the atmosphere really becomes quiet. Few people
are compelled to hold any conversation at all. Stan is one of them. He sits
silently beside George.
With quiet excitement, an elderly man enters the room.
His eyes quickly search about, before locating Stan from across the room. The
man appears to be in his 80's, but has a definite youthfulness about him. His
vibrancy is so evident, it captivates the attention of everyone. Even those who
appeared to be asleep are suddenly awakened to the fact that someone uniquely
different has just entered their presence. It appears to be an almost
subconscious awareness.
552
The man approaches Stan, "Hi, my name is Andrew Bray …are you, Stan Olitz?"
553
552
The man approaches Stan, "Hi, my name is Andrew Bray …are you, Stan Olitz?"
But
before he can answer, a man about Stan's age turns to the two of them, voicing
his frustration aloud, "How do you do it? You sit here for hours …and they
don't even know who you are!"
Andrew
smiles softly with compassionate eyes, and a heart that fills the emptiness of
the entire room, "But we know who they are …don't we?"
He
hesitates before continuing, "My wife stuck with me when I went into the
Air Force. Her prayers flew overhead every night. We had children at the time.
I counted on her quiet commitment to me and the children …it gave me strength
during times I fear I would not have survived. I had others by my side …while
she battled alone. She gave it her all …and that strong commitment has always
brought great meaning to my entire life. The good Lord has shown me that my
wife's work is now done …but she is very much alive. She represents all of who
I am ...and who I could ever hope to be. Without her, I would not have
experienced such depths of love. I come here in quiet appreciation and
gratitude."
***********
As
they are about to board the plane, everyone is ready, except Leah. Where is
Stan? She thinks aloud, "He said he'd be here to see us off."
She
looks about in desperation, wondering what can be wrong. Stan certainly would
be here ...unless something had gone dreadfully wrong.
Then
Stan steps into view. And what Leah sees, she had never seen before …Stan is
crying.
Leah hugs Stan, as if it were a forever goodbye hug. She holds him close and looks upward into his eyes. Though the tears are beginning to clear up, they are something she'll cling onto forever.
Leah hugs Stan, as if it were a forever goodbye hug. She holds him close and looks upward into his eyes. Though the tears are beginning to clear up, they are something she'll cling onto forever.
Those tears are for her. No one had ever seen
Stan cry before ---but she feels that’s because God had preserved the most precious
tears for this moment ---for her.
553
Josiah is not insensitive to this, yet he is feeling the sensitivity of his stomach, not his heart. Besides, how long can a hug go on? And he feels the longer it goes on, the more chance it will.
He has a humorous, sort of practical, way about him, "Let's eat ---I'm starved! They can't serve us until we are in flight. And I hear they have an awesome steak and onion sandwich. I don't know why I'm thinking about that, I don't even like onions. I just have this olfactory sensation. I must really be hungry."
Samuel smiles at Josiah and nudges him, "Be more sensitive to what your sister is going through. Think with your heart, not your stomach."
This brings laughter to the group. Stan and Leah break their hug and join in with the laughter, but Leah still holds onto Stan's hands, as she faces him for this difficult farewell. She pulls him towards her one last time ---and kisses him, then quickly departs, boarding the plane as tears streak her face.
As the plane stabilizes in flight, they
begin to serve the meal. Samuel teases, "You must have been
hungry, Josiah. You were beginning to hallucinate. They don't even serve a steak and onion
sandwich."
Josiah smiles, "I must have been thinking about that restaurant in the airport. When we walked past it, they were chopping the vegetables right there in the corridor as we were passing by. Probably to get us to buy one of their sandwiches. You know, it really works. The onion smell was so strong, it almost made me cry."
Samuel looks over the menu, "I'm going to cry if they don't have my specialty."
Josiah reaches into his carry-on bag of books, pulling out a zip-lock bag with a peanut butter and dill pickle sandwich inside. He hands it to Samuel.
Samuel grins with delight, "You are such a sensitive brother. Never again will I accuse you of being insensitive."
As they enter the clouds, 'cloud nine' seems the most prominent ---the nine of them looking forward to their destination in
The co-pilot motions to Ken. Ken is really touched that Rebekkah had arranged for him to go along with his daughter and her family. Ken had never been to Israel before. He is very eager to visit the Holy Land.
As Ken leaves his seat and approaches the co-pilot, he sees the concerned look on the co-pilots face. He and the co-pilot talk, then the co-pilot returns to join the pilot. 554
Ken returns to his seat, but remains standing, to get their attention, "Some difficulty has been sighted ---and as always, a precautionary measure takes top priority. Therefore, we are going to have to land prematurely. We are getting clearance to land. The pilot will have to turn the plane around, but we are not that far from
Ken returns to his seat
after reassuring them that everything will be okay. But he is actively talking on his cell phone
to someone.
Upon landing, Ken continues
to act as the spokesperson, having communicated to someone on the ground,
"We won't be able to continue on with our plane. They'll have to spend a couple days checking
it out, so we have a couple options ---we can wait a couple days, or arrange
another flight. So it's either a couple
days or several hours. Either way, we're stuck here right now. But because of our inconvenience, a tour of
Toronto has been provided, compliments of our airline."
They are provided a 7-seat
van. Cindy is getting around okay, with
Stephen's arm always there to support her. She comfortably seats herself next to her
husband after everyone else loads in, "Okay, I'm ready." And at that cue, the van is on its way.
Ken drives them from the
airport. Suddenly, they hear a rather large
explosion. Cindy, Shannon, and Leah seem all to speak at
once, "What was that!"
Stephen, Josiah, and Samuel
are more composed. Josiah speaks up, "Probably
just some fireworks. You know, the 4th
of July is only a few days away."
Samuel adds, "The 4th of
July is a celebration of our Independence, I don't think Canada, with their French
and Indian populations, would celebrate in the same sort of way."
Josiah counters, "I don't
think Toronto cares how they celebrate. They just like to celebrate. They'll join anyone."
Ken is thankful for
Josiah's comments. The questions cease for
the time being.
Only Stephen makes one more reference
about it, "I'd rather no fireworks at all. It landed me seventeen years. I'll celebrate the day when there are no fireworks."
Ken offers an explanation,
"I know I said a tour of Toronto has been arranged ---well, the plan was
not to tour all of Toronto. I'm
actually going to take you directly to what I consider the best part."
555
Ken drives them to the waterfront. And there ---is the most beautiful sight to
be seen. Shannon announces excitedly,
"Mom! Leah, Josiah, Samuel ---look!
Is this your surprise, Grandpa? It must be Sweeney!"
Ken smiles, "Yes, Shannon
---and it is every bit as beautiful as you'd described."
Ken
parks the van and Sweeney greets them, "Come on, I'll take you on board."
Sweeney takes them to a
motor boat, and they all hop in to get an on board look at his Clipper ship. He announces, "We are expecting another
bus load of people, then I'll raise the sails for you. But until they get here, you might as well let
me take you on the official tour."
Upon
completing the tour, they look ashore.
Sweeney announces, "The
bus has arrived. As soon as the others
get aboard, we'll raise the sails. It's
a spectacular sight …an experience you won't soon forget."
As the motorboat brings the first
load of passengers, Cindy is the first to notice, "Jesse, Mrs. Odakota,
---Merrie Isaac, Charles, Ray and Claudia, Aidin ---Dave and Sherry, Jonah
...."
Sweeney smiles, "When
I told them I was in Toronto
A few more trips with the
motorboat ---and everyone is on board.
Leah doesn't tell anyone, but she is looking
for Stan. She is hoping for that
surprise. Stan has a nurse helping with George,
so perhaps Stan could spare a few hours away. It would be a nice surprise ---but it would be
impossible. The bus would have had to have
left the walled community well before her plane had taken off. Leah realizes her sweet dream is not
possible. She gives up looking for Stan
---then she finds him!
XXXVIII
One of the shipmates is watching the news ---and there is Stan, on the television screen. Leah steps closer to the television ...to see the close-up of Stan and hear what the report says:
"When I returned from bidding farewell to my fiancée at the airport, I returned to find my dad had passed away. Then I find out that the plane my fiancée was on made an emergency landing. The plane exploded, but they can't say whether everyone was able to exit the plane in time. I'm having a hard enough time with dad's passing ---I desperately need to know whether my fiancée and her family are okay. So, Leah, please call me! Or if anyone knows where Leah is, please contact me!"
Leah locates Grandpa immediately and asks to use his cell phone. Ken can see the desperation in his granddaughter's eyes as he hands her the phone.
Stan answers quickly. He was certain Leah would call him right away. Leah gives him reassurance that everyone is okay, then she extends her sympathy to Stan in the loss of his dad. She tells Stan she is going to make arrangements to return home, to be by his side at his dad's funeral.
Ken is talking to Jesse ---when Leah interrupts, "Grandpa, can you tell Stan where exactly it is that we're at. He says he's going to come pick me up. After George's funeral, he said he and I can join the rest of you in Israel."
Jesse grabs the phone instead, "I know exactly where we're at ---I can give him directions."
Jesse walks to the other end of the ship with the cell phone, talking for several minutes. When he returns to Leah, the phone call is ended, "Stan had to go. He has much to do with funeral arrangements. I explained to him that it would take twice as long for him to drive out here and back, so no sense him driving out here when I can drive you back in half the time. But I'd like to first see what I came out here to see. It should take less than an hour."
557
Leah wipes her tears, "I guess, that's reasonable. I'm sure he has much on his mind with George's passing. I wouldn't want him to have to drive all the way out here. Thanks, Jesse."
Jesse hands the phone back to Ken, "Just before Stan hung up with me, he said thanks Ken. This cell phone doesn't give very good reception, but then again, some people just think I sound like you."
Jesse turns to Leah, "Leah, you didn't even mention that the rest of us were here, or that you were on board Sweeney's Clipper ship."
Leah thought it was obvious, "Stan just lost his dad. I wasn't going to mention what fun we were having. And to be honest, I'm not having any fun. But I don't want to ruin it for the rest of you. Let's see if they are ready for the presentation. I don't mean to rush you, but I am eager to get back home."
Sweeney explains that there is a 15-minute movie on the making of the Clipper ship. Then he will proceed with the spectacular event ---the raising of the sails.
Leah is in a daze …thinking only about Stan. She is paying no attention to the movie about the Clipper ship ---until five minutes into the movie. That's when Rebekkah comes on, over the screen. That grabs Leah's attention.
Rebekkah's taped words are rather haunting, "You've all had the opportunity to see the first version of my last will and testament. Now, I'd like you to view another version. The last time I talked with you, I merely explained the dispensing of my fortune. That will not change. But now, I will further detail the 'why' aspect of my decision. George, I know you are deteriorating quickly. And you probably won't even understand ...... "
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